I should probably work on proofreading for spelling and grammar errors.
Chapter 14
For the first half hour, we couldn't really decide where to eat. The problem wasn't isolated to any one person either, every minute, one of us would change our minds on where to eat. For instance, I first agreed to go eat breakfast at McDonald's, and so we began to go there, but then Isaac told us that he didn't want McDonald's for breakfast after all because he said it tasted like shit - right before we could open the front door. It was similar problems with other restaurants we all had and all of us have done our fair share of whining for that half-hour (myself included). Then at the end of that half hour, Ray (who was unanimously put in charge of the group for being Dovahkiin) grew impatient with us, told us we were "more indecisive than a high school slut in denial," and made it his final decision that we will eat at Denny's for breakfast, no matter what we thought. Some banter and hilarity between Ray, Stan, and Wendy ensued (as per usual), but in the end, it was probably for the better that Ray started taking charge. He is the Dovahkiin, after all.
I believe we were the youngest group of kids that ate at Denny's this morning. We came up to the front desk and a young woman no older than twenty smiled at us. "Hello, welcome to Denny's."
Stan came forward and faced the woman. "Table for five, please."
"Alright, well we have plenty of tables open." The woman then narrowed her eyes at us. She had an expression of suspicion - as if she knew something dark about us. "Skipping school today?"
My eyes opened wide at that statement. Oh shit, I completely forgot about school. I forgot it was Thursday today, and, like most Thursdays, there's supposed to be school today. How the hell did that even slip my mind? "S-s-s-s-schoo-school?" The words escape me so awfully like a stutter from a shy, nervous boy, I almost didn't even register me saying them. I quickly looked to my phone, but it looked like Dad never attempted to contact me. Something wasn't right here. My Dad, like any responsible parent, would be worried sick if I were gone overnight, especially when there was a zombie rampage last night. But my Dad hasn't said anything. He hasn't attempted to contact me. There had to be some kind of meaning here, there had to be some foreshadowing here.
"We had a disaster in my hometown, so school's closed today." Phew, good thing Wendy knew the right words. That was another thing, zombies did attack the town last night, so starting school today would be out of the question. Guess it made sense in the end, after all.
The woman stared into Wendy for a bit. "Your charm might work on the boys you're with, but not on me. From the way you're dressed, you're probably playing that stupid Harry Potter game with the other children. Move along." So basically that means North Park has children with powers from Harry Potter. Didn't think the Harry Potter fanclub would be so rampant in North Park, someone tried to start that back in South Park Elementary but they were made fun of.
The five of us sat in a booth meant for six people in the front-left corner of the restaurant. One one side, I sat closest to the window with Isaac in the middle and Ray on the outer edge. On the other Wendy took the seat closest to the window, followed by Stan. We put our weapons and shields below the table. On the table the menus were already laid out. None of us said anything before the waiter came in to take our orders. After that though, that's when it began. It started with Wendy, who was referring back to my nervous stutter. "Cole, how good are you at those types of confrontations - like what that woman said?"
"I completely forgot about school," I admitted.
Stan shrugged. "Well, it would make no sense to start school when the town was attacked by zombies." True.
Wendy continued on. "We thought for a second you were going to get nervous or something and we were worried-"
I immediately cut Wendy off - were they implying I couldn't take care of myself? I fucked up with my wording one time, big deal. "I'm not three years old, stop treating my like I'm your child, Wendy. Stan. I can take care of myself just fine." I immediately turned my vision away from them. I've always have, and I've taken care of Isaac too. Don't they realize that? I began to stare out the window of people and cars passing by, and my stance would persist for the remainder of our conversation. I could feel my stomach rumble from lack of food, and it only made me feel more like crap. Despite their apology from earlier today, I still wasn't comfortable being near them, I still feel threatened around them, and unfortunately for me, both are very socially perceptive, and if they haven't already figured that out, my tone would have made that clear now.
Thankfully for me, neither of them continued on this path and went onto a different topic altogether. "So what's the plan here?" Isaac asked. Thank you, a topic that isn't going to make anyone awkward.
"Well, we just eat for a bit, then we go look for these clues about these 'master monks of sorcery'," Ray replied, "Harbinger said there's clues all over town...but I have no idea what these clues even look like." Ray gave off an exasperated sigh. "I hate how everyone suddenly expects me to face down a powerful demon and become a grand hero. I thought I could move to South Park - like a normal live, you know."
Stan gave a light chuckle. "Yeah, uh, Ray, I don't know how to break this to you, but if you're looking for a quiet town, South Park is...far from that."
"How so?" Ray asked. "I mean apart from the Nazi Zombie stuff, but don't count that."
Wendy cleared her throat. "Well, for instance, South Park had a history of...interesting mishaps. I swear it all started when Cartman got an anal probe."
"Anal probe?" I heard Ray scratch something. "Like the one I got from the aliens?"
"Yeah..." Stan paused for a moment before continuing on. "It did all start when Cartman got an anal probe, huh?"
"What all started?" Ray asked.
"All the problems with the town...you know," Stan replied, "well for instance, the town was destroyed at least ten times now, I think."
"...what?" Ray clearly sounded shocked, and as an outsider who has never been to South Park before, that's to be expected. Disasters always happen in South Park, whether natural, man-made, metaphysical, or even otherworldly.
"Town fucks up, many people die, rinse and repeat." Pretty blunt way how Isaac worded it, but fairly accurate, yes.
Wendy chuckled. "Isaac more-or-less nailed it on the head."
"The adults in South Park are..." Stan let out a yawn.
Then Ray finished the sentence for Stan. "Shitty."
"Yeah," Stan said, "how did you know?"
I began to tune out the rest of the world as I stared outside. I gazed at the children my age who passed us by through the window. They all wore black robes and had small wooden wands, as if they are truly playing Harry Potter. But aside from their costumes, I could see their true nature. They were walking, laughing, playing, and talking together. It reminded me of how every kid should be. From across the street, two large boys were throwing a backpack back and forth between each other while a much smaller kid kept trying to jump up and get the backpack - such game we called it "Monkey in the Middle". The boys were being obnoxious towards the younger kid, and I felt what the younger kid is going through, it's as if I'm in a game of that right now trying to juggle between four other people. But other than that, the kids didn't' really seem to have much responsibility other than not failing school and doing their chores. I didn't realize it at the time, but now that I embarked on this quest with four other children from South Park, I felt like I lost alot of my freedom. But back then, I felt I wasn't free either when I never had powers.
There was one thing I could conclude about my thoughts, and I did not come to realize that I'd be saying these next words aloud since it was meant more for myself. "I really miss home. I said many times I hated school and the fourth graders I had to deal with, but it's way easier than this. Back then was shitty because all of the assholes I had to deal with in my classroom, but at least when I woke up everyday I had a general idea of what was coming. Now, I just don't know what's going to happen - anything can happen to me now. I fought ginger kids, the popular girls, Nazi Zombies, a demon feared by other demons, an angry space gryphon, the police, and more zombies. Back then was shit, now is a different kind of shit, and this is pretty unnerving."
"Are you talking to yourself?" Stan's comment made me jump from my seat. I did not even realize I said that outloud. I turned my gaze nervously towards the rest of the group, my eyes bulging. Ray, Isaac, and Wendy were also looking at me, as if I might have said something creepy or taboo.
"It's just nothing." I stuck my hands out like a stop sign and shook them. My arms were jittery. "I swear, it's-"
"Cole, you don't have to hide your thoughts." Wendy's voice was sweet and soft, but that didn't make me feel any better about the situation.
I cleared my throat. "It's nothing much. Really." The rest of the four were still gazing at me. I hesitated on explaining my piece, and thankfully, the waiter came just in time to interrupt the conversation. I was starving too, so that's a plus as well. We all ordered as much pancakes and orange juiceas we could. Isaac has a deep pancake craving right now, and we all agreed to get as much as we could. I dished myself up two pancakes and put a modest amount of syrup, no more than a tablespoon. The pancakes were about six inches in radius - fairly large. I could smell the buttery smell of them too, and it almost made me drool. The entire meal was $50.
While I paid no mind what Stan, Wendy, or Isaac had to say, I did notice the fliers each of us received. It was an advertisement to Terrance and Phillip's next live performance, which is supposed to happen in Bayroyal Hall in North Park at 3:00 pm. Terrance and Phillip were known for being Canadian and being the masters of farting, and I didn't notice this at the time, but when I began to hear what Ray was muttering, I was having a revelation of how to unlock the "sorcery". I could hear Ray's voice getting louder and louder. "I remember...I swear I've seen this before..." Eventually, Stan, Wendy, and Isaac fell silent as they all began to listen to what Ray had to say. "I know I've seen this...I know I've forgotten something...I feel like I've visited them before..."
"Do you remember now?" I took a sip of orange juice from my cup. I had a feeling Terrance and Phillip somehow were triggers to Ray's lost memories.
Ray nodded as he patted his light-pink hair. "Yeah, I knew I've seen them before. They're the Canadians who fart on television right?" When we all nodded yes, Ray sighed. "I know I've bet them before. And the pictures of them farting triggered something in my brain, I swear..." We were all silent for the next minute or so, then Ray broke the silence with an unexpected reaction. "What the FUCK!" Whatever epiphany Ray just had probably made him angry, and we were ready to listen. "My parents are lying fucking assholes!"
"Wait what?" Isaac gasped.
Wendy had her hands out, as if to stop Ray. "Woah, woah, woah, calm down."
"They're dicks! They're lying dicks! I can't believe it! I'm really not a normal kid, but I can't believe my parents hid this secret from me the whole time! I knew I met Terrance and Phillip before, I knew I gained magical powers before, and I knew about the Nazi Zombie plague in Nebraska four years ago!" Ray put his hands on his head and gritted his teeth.
"Wait, this happened before?" Stan asked.
"In Nebraska, yeah," Isaac replied, "my 4th grade teacher taught me about that."
I faced Isaac. "Mr. Gibbons, right?"
"Yeah," Isaac nodded.
Stan narrowed his eyes at Ray. "Mr. Garrison never talked about that with us."
"That's because Mr. Garrison is a fucktard." Wendy put her hand on Stan's back.
Ray continued on his angry rant. "I knew my bastard parents kept secrets from me, I knew they would do this to me, everytime I tried to talk to them why we moved to South Park they would repeatedly dodge the question, sometimes even threatening to ground me! It makes sense now!"
"Hey, speaking of parents." Stan took out his phone to take a quick look at it. A worried expression overcame his face as he looked up at us. "My parents never tried to contact me."
"Hey, mine didn't either." Wendy was looking at her phone now.
Ray cross his arms and grumbled underneath his breath. "Who needs parents anyways? Mine just tried to fib a big lie and tried to make me an amnesiac, those assholes. It's their fault after all I'm stuck in this magical mess - again."
Ray's words were disheartening to hear, and I feel like I had to speak up about it. "You don't know how much you'll miss your parents until they're taken away from you."
Ray rolled his eyes. "Well the difference is - and I'm not trying to be an asshole here either - you and Isaac seemed to be really close to your mom. And you both are still close to your dad, despite hard times you both are in." Ray took a sip of orange juice before continuing on. "Ah. Well mine, mine try to live their lives through me. I should have realized why they were so obsessed with me having lots of friends - that's what the Dovahkiin's power is fueled by, right? But if that's so, and if they didn't want me to remember my past, why would they lean me towards my powers but refuse to say anything? They tell me 'go outside and be a normal kid', well, I've already gone over what I thought about most of the kids here in South Park."
Wendy shot a glare at Ray. "We're not all bitches and assholes. We can be perfectly kind people as well. I mean, sure we have our faults and problems, but in the end, the entire 4th grade class is one big family."
"Right, yeah." Ray nodded sarcastically. "That must explain why all the pretty people are together and all the ugly ones are together. Right Cole?"
I crossed my arms and looked out the window again, my voice low and angry. "Don't drag me into this one."
"Cole, you know it's true." Isaac's high-pitched voice made him sound innocent. But it wasn't going to fool me.
I simply shook my head again. "My lips are sealed." The reason why was that I was worried I'd say something that would trigger Stan or Wendy again, and I'm still sure I wasn't on very good terms with either of them.
"Ray, our school isn't that bad or pretentious," Stan said, "you gotta at least give it a chance." Out of the corner of my eye I could see Stan put hiss left arm around Wendy.
"Normal boys and girls our age don't play dating simulator. And that's another thing, how are you two dating?" For some reason, it sounded like Ray was annoyed by that thought. Maybe one reason is that Ray has a secret crush on Wendy? I'm not sure, but I do know one thing: no one can deny that Wendy is probably the hottest girl in 4th grade. I hope this isn't going to turn out to be some shitty love triangle, that sounds so cliché.
"Dating is natural man, it's - it's - uh...Wendy you explain it." Stan's voice sounded nervous all of a sudden. I don't reckon Stan enjoys talking about love. Then again, most boys don't either, so I can't blame him.
"Boys will do anything for a pretty girl's approval, it happens." Still looking out the window, I could see Wendy whipped her hair. "It has something to do with their-"
Wendy was going down a certain path, and at this point I had to jump in. "Well Ray told me the boys and girls just made fun of each other's...uh...'cooties'. You know...like the...some sort of 'love sickness'. I think. I'm not sure."
"That's right," Ray agreed.
"Oh, so you're still in the 'girls are weird' phase. Gotcha." I could see Wendy turn towards me and Isaac. "What about you, Isaac? Cole?" She leaned in closer. She had a smirk on her face, one that told me she was ready to listen to some juicy gossip, and that didn't exactly fly with me. "Any girl out there you two like?"
"No," I immediately said.
"No way Cole, there's gotta be some girl out there." Wendy's smile was wider, and my eyes closed a little as a result.
"I'm not into anyone," I said again. I'm not really into into anyone at the moment to be honest. This is very uncomfortable for me, and the fact she's this pretty only made it more awkward for me. I'm not sure why all boys become so awkward around such pretty girls.
Stan shifted his left arm so that his hand was on Wendy's right shoulder. "Wendy, Cole doesn't want to talk, dude."
Wendy rolled her eyes. "Alright, fine." She turned to Isaac. "What about you?"
"Well, there's-" Oh no. Isaac, please. Wendy is the last person you want to confide your dark secrets to, she'll probably gossip to her entire "Pleases and Sparkles Club", whatever the fuck that really is anyways.
A gruff, older voice came from my left. "Alright, you kids, the fun ends here." I immediately turned my head to see two North Park police officers. Oh shit. "Aren't you kids supposed to be in school?"
"Uh, we're not from here," Stan answered.
The first police officer rolled his eyes. "Ha, as if I believe that, what next? The sky is on fire? You're going to school now, or do you kids want to be charged for truancy?"
Stan looked at us, then turned back to the police. Shit. "Alright fine. Whatever. Take us to school." Well crap. I thought I could dodge school, but now I have to face the evil AND I have to go to school? This is going to be a shitty day. But hey, elementary school at North Park couldn't be that bad...right?
We're in North Park right now, and literally everyone there was dressed as some form of a student out of Hogwarts. They talked like they were from London, their mannerisms and language made it feel like they were from London. I swear, some of them were actually from London. Despite North Park being in the middle of Colorado, I swear, culturally, this town feels more like London than it does like a typical redneck town. Maybe the kids here are really good at Live-Action-Roleplaying, but as I observed them more, that might not be the case. The kids don't seem too keen into dating, unlike my elementary school, and lots of talk about school and little talk about social circles, from what I've heard. The language was far less vulgar, you didn't have people shouting off words like "fuck", "cunt", and "retarded".
"So this is the class?" I turned to Isaac, who was looking at the door. The door said "4th grade" like Mr. Garrison's door did.
"Looks like it," Ray replied. "Let's go."
When the five of us piled inside, the classroom completely fell silent. The kids were all dressed as Hogwarts students, and I swear the kids sitting in the front actually look like they came directly out of the Harry Potter movie. One kid was skinny and had glasses, like Harry Potter, only he lacked a lightning-bolt scar on his forehead. Another kid was a ginger kid, like Ron. The girl had light brown hair like Hermione. This is very weird. The teacher was some old woman with her hair tied in a bun on the back. She had glasses and she stared into us. "Ah, I received the phonecall about you five. You will stay here until after lunch in which I will send you over to Principal Dumbledore." Dumbledore? You're kidding me, right?
"And you are..." Isaac started.
"Mrs. McGonagall. Take your seats, children." This is really weird. Is everyone in this town somehow named after a character straight out of Harry Potter?
The five of us sat directly in the middle of the entire 4th grade class. I could literally feel the stares coming down on me, like vultures on a dead lion. Stan's voice rang through my ears as the teacher continued her lecture about formatting paragraphs. "Ugh, I remember encountering kids playing Harry Potter. They're all weirdos. But these guys - holy shit, these kids actually cosplay."
"Uh, Stan, I don't think they're cosplaying." I followed Wendy's voice and gaze onto the paper of the kid that looked like Hermione. On the top right corner it read "Hermione Granger". My heart thumped at the realization that given these kids are like the Harry Potter characters, they might have magical powers as well - ones that pertain to the Harry Potter universe. Now I don't really read the books, but I do know one thing: their magic can be pretty wacky. "Her name is quite literally-"
"Ahem!" Mrs. McGonagall glared at Stan and Wendy. "Is there something you two lovebirds want to share?"
"Um, no," Stan and Wendy both said in unison.
"Then I suggest you both pay attention. You five have already done enough. Ditching your own town pretending to play World of Warcraft, that's ridiculous. Shouldn't have expected any less from a kid from South Park." As those words left the teacher, I could feel glass and daggers from the eyes of the other students who glared at us as the boys snickered and the girls giggled. It felt exactly like South Park, only now people here are British, far less high-school-dramatic, and far more refined in their language. But the essence of the nastiness is still the same, and at that moment I realized that it didn't matter how the kids are, it didn't matter how akin to high school the elementary school is - in all elementary schools there will be the popular kids who are bullies.
Mrs. McGonagall droned on for about fifteen more minutes before the lunch bell rang.
Stan, Wendy, Isaac, Ray, and I sat at a rectangular table by ourselves in the middle of the cafeteria. For lunch we had tacos, so the place wasn't too British, not that I have anything against British people. The other kids would periodically look up at us, then continue on with their close whispers. The sight was fairly unnerving for me, it's like no matter what school I go to, I will always get trashtalked and excluded no matter what, and it made me feel like crap, made me feel no one wanted me. It was that odd, familiar feeling, and I felt akin to that time I was framed for making the birthday note about Wendy.
"Hey don't worry too much about it, Cole," Isaac reassured. I always underestimated how good he can make some feel - verbally. "They're just assholes."
"Thanks," I smiled.
Wendy was looking around curiously. "Wow, this is what being uncool feels like?" She shook her head. "I kinda see a new perspective here..."
"Yeah," Stan replied, "I didn't think so many people here would hate us. But we haven't done anything to them. They hate us for no reason." Gee, doesn't that remind Stan of someone?
"It's probably because we're from South Park," Wendy reasoned, "but I don't know why they hate people from South Park."
I noticed Ray smirking but staying silent. He must have been having the same thoughts I have. Just then, two boys and a girl approached from my left. It was the kids that looked like Harry, Ron, and Hermione. "Oh look, it's the white trash from South Park." Harry flashed his wand and blue light glowed from the tip. "Ever wonder what I can do?"
"So you know magic." Stan rolled his eyes.
"Precisely," Harry replied. I know the only reason why they're acting like assholes is because they have all the power - socially and magically. But I expected Harry, Ron, and Hermione to be kind because in the books if I recall correctly, those characters were the good guys. But here, they're complete jerks. I also noticed that the entire cafeteria began to fall silent.
Wendy narrowed her eyes at Harry. "Leave us alone, asswipe!"
But Harry did exactly the opposite. "'Oh hey, I'm from South Park! We don't take kindly to respecting human beings!'" Kids began laughing at us. "'Please open your shotguns and slap your wives!'"
"Hey, shut the fuck up, ok nerd?" Stan's tone was threatening. I could see and feel that all of my friends' faces are beginning to redden with anger, even Isaac was beginning to vent as much steam as I could.
"Ugh, swearing." Hermione rolled her eyes. "Look at how the one with the hat is up against the girl, they're only like ten! Are all the boys from South Park always this brutish?"
"Hey, wait Harry, let me try," Ron said, "'I live in South Park and my IQ's so low I've got to dig for it. Hey, did someone say 'rape'? That's the word for 'clapper' here in South Park'." The entire cafeteria was laughing harder.
I swear we were all so angry we were going to blow up, but something stopped us from doing so. "Hey!" A voice came from my right now and I turned my head towards its source. It was three more students, all of them male. The center one was skinny with wavy blonde hair, the second was short and fat with a brown-haired buzz-cut, and the third was taller and more muscular with the same hairstyle as the former. The skinny blonde one met Harry in the eye. "Back off them, Potter. They've done nothing wrong."
"Oh great, here's Malfoy again, trying to preach anti-bullying awareness." Harry rolled his eyes as he too caught the blonde kid's gaze. "This isn't your fight, you annoying dimwit, so why don't you back off?"
"And what if I don't, Potter?" The blonde kid put both his hands on the table.
Harry then aimed his wand from Wendy to the blonde kid. "You really want to find out?"
"Wands out?" The blonde kid along with his two friends also whipped out their wands, glowing with green light. "Two can play at that game." Ron and Hermione took out their wands in response.
The tension was so great no one in the cafeteria made a single sound as all eyes were onto the eleven of us. Two groups of three wands aimed down at each other across our own table. I clenched my fists and Stan scooted closer to Wendy. This felt exactly like a Mexican standoff. People were pointing ranged weapons at each other, but no one wanted to make the first move for fear of being punished as the aggressor. And then the lunch recess bell rang.
"You're lucky the white knights came to your aid just in time, you trashy rednecks." Harry then turned his glare onto the blonde kid. "As for you, Malfoy, expect a duel sometime this afternoon, you annoying maggot."
"It will be my pleasure, Potter, when I finally get to teach you some respect," the blonde kid sneered.
As Harry, Ron, and Hermione filed out of the cafeteria with the rest of the students, the blond kid put his wand away. "I'm sorry you five were treated so poorly on your first day here. The kids from the Gryffindor classroom are the worst."
I raised an eyebrow. Surely, that's one of the houses in Hogwarts in the books. "Gryffindor?"
"The classroom taught by Mrs. McGonagall, yes." The blonde kid stuck out his right hand. "My name is-"
"Draco Malfoy," Wendy finished.
"So you've read the Harry Potter books?" Draco asked.
"Yeah," Stan replied, "but why is everyone here named after Harry Potter characters and look like Harry Potter characters?"
The fat kid spoke next. "It's just a stupid coincidence. I'm serious, like none of this was intended. Harry Potter and his friends can get away with it because the books and movies glorify him and made him super popular in school. I'm Vincent Crabbe, by the way."
"Gregory Goyle, but you all can call me Greg," the muscular guy replied.
"Oh, I'm Stan Marsh." Stan then began to point at us. "That's Cole Dimmons, that's Cole's twin Isaac, that's Ray Irvington, and this is Wendy Testaburger."
"Stan's my boyfriend," Wendy added.
"Oh so that's why Stan has his arms around you." Draco nodded, as if he had learned something today. "I never understood why the children in South Park date so young. Anyways, what are you guys doing here?"
"Um, we're actually not supposed to be staying here," Ray said. "We're supposed to be on a...quest."
Draco tilted his head sideways with a puzzled look on his face. "A...quest?"
Ray nodded. "Yeah, we're supposed to head north."
"By yourselves, are you mad?" Vincent had a puzzled look on his face as well. "Where are you going?"
"Sol Lighthouse," Isaac replied.
When those words left my mouth, the three boys stepped back from us and looked at each other. They shot worried looks at us. "You're going...there?" Greg looked at his two friends then back at us. "This is mental! No one has ever survived the Sol Lighthouse!"
I smirked. "Oh comeon, we've done crazier before. I mean, we've stolen a police car to get here."
"What?" All three of them said.
"That's right," Isaac said.
After a few words like "wow" and "cool", Draco spoke again. "So another thing that made you stand out is that you're not wizards. Everyone in North Park is a wizard."
"Well I'm a mage," Ray said, "but I usually use ice spells."
"Well I'm a warrior," Stan said, "all I need is my sword in order to kick ass. Wendy here is a paladin and she uses a shield, sword, and holy light. Isaac is a shaman who can wield the elements of earth, fire, wind, and water, and Cole is a druid who can use the power of nature and plants to heal and he can also turn into animals."
"That's pretty cool," Vincent said.
"Alright, I'm about to be late for the anti-bullying meeting," Draco said, "I don't think I'll see you five again today, so I wish you luck on your endeavors." After the three waved goodbye, they went out of the cafeteria.
"Wow," Stan said, "I never thought the characters who resemble the assholes in the books and movies would be the ones to help us when we really needed it."
"Life is funny that way," Isaac added.
The schedule in this school was exactly the same as the schedule in our school. After lunch recess, we had class for the remainder, but we were called into the principal's office early. None of us were sure why, we haven't done anything wrong today, we didn't taunt anyone, cause any trouble for the teacher, nothing happened at all. But it didn't matter anyways. The five of us stormed into the principal's office, and there sat an old man with a beard. He wore a black suit and tie. He was slightly on the heavy side, but for an old man he was still alright. The nameplate on his desk showed "Albus Dumbledore".
"Sit," Principal Dumbledore said. There were five chairs facing Dumbledoor. This office was exactly like Principal Victoria's in which the right wall had a window. We all sat down, me sitting between Wendy and Isaac. "So the police have told me the story of how you got here. Stealing police cars, hiding a plastic, composite explosive in your backpack, Wendy - that's not what I'd typically expect from kids your age, especially innocent and modest looking ones."
"Uh oh," Stan said.
"You're not in trouble." Principal Dumbledore twirled around a pencil in his hand. "I was given another side of the story. I suppose it aligns itself up with the news of Nazi Zombies hitting South Park. If the rumors are true, that means the Nazi Zombies should arrive here soon."
"Who-who told you that?" Wendy asked.
"Hm, I'm not sure, actually." Principal Dumbledoor stroked his long, white beard. "It looked like some angry, demonic space grpyhon made of stone. He called himself the 'Harbinger of the End Times', kinda like Alduin from Skyrim." That must have been the work of Harbinger, yes.
"I know that guy," Ray said, "but keep going."
"Um, Wendy, that C4 explosive isn't armed, is it?" Principal Dumbledore asked.
I took a look in Wendy's backpack. No lights were flashing, nothing was ticking, and I could hear nothing. "No," she replied, "how did you know?"
"Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley, and Miss Granger ratted you out," Dumbledore continued, "I was considering sending you all to the proper authorities, but I know the world is at stake here. I know about the Stick of Truth. I know this happened before in Nebraska. And the last time this mess happened, the U.S. Government tried to disguise it all, that is which why I have reported nothing." Principal Dumbledore took a look outside his window to see nothing but an empty street. "I knew this day would come again. And I'm sorry those three gave you trouble."
"So what is this," I said, "should I also add 'Harry Potter' to the list of fantasy literature that somehow got mixed into this mess?"
"Well, I've been around long before J.K. Rowling ever wrote her books," Dumbledore said. "They say it's a game; this is a sick joke of a game, I can tell you. Did you know I'm a fan of anime? I enjoy dropping by anime conventions periodically. I suppose you could call me a 'weaboo', but that's more of a derogatory term. Of course, the only difference is, I'm never comfortable with cosplaying. There are certain things old men like myself should never do. That being said, my favorite anime is Death Note. Did you guys know that?"
"No," Isaac replied.
"That's a secret we all can keep," Principal Dumbledore smiled. "You five are the first people I told you. And why did I tell you this?"
"Why?" Ray asked.
"Well, to put this brief, secrets don't make friends," Principal Dumbledore said.
"But friends make secrets," Wendy shot back.
"Also true," Dumbledore said. "So Raymond here is Dovahkiin, correct?" When Ray nodded yes, Dumbledore continued. "Harbinger told me about the master monks. If you haven't figured out already, it's Terrance and Phillip performing live at 3 pm at Bayroyal Hall. And trust me, you'll don't want to miss their 'sorcery'."
"I guess I could always learn dragonshouts from them," Ray said, "but I'm confused about why I need to know this. I'd like to focus on the main objective - Terrorblade."
Dumbledore nodded. "And perhaps learning true 'sorcery' from Terrance and Phillip will be worth it in the end. Sometimes, to know the answer to Terrorblade is to understand the barriers of the physical world and peer into the depths of society and its values. Sometimes, you simply have to discern the transmundane." We were all silent. I wasn't even sure what that meant. "Well, it's time for you all to get going. I hope you five enjoy the Terrance and Phillip show. I have to make preparations. Take care, children, and I wish you luck on your journey."
The five of us stood up and bowed down. "Thank you, Principal Dumbledore," we all said.
"And one more thing." Dumbledore cleared his throat. "Hopefully when you meet Terrance and Phillip you remember the Gentlemen's Code." Oh no, not that shit again. This better not be what Kenny told me back when I fought those ginger kids.
Isaac was the only person who looked remotely puzzled. "What gentlemen's code?"
"Never ever fart on a man's balls," Dumbledore said. "The Gentlemen's Code is the universal code of honor. To fart on a man's balls is a symbolic offense to the male genitalia, and is dishonorable."
We all nodded, and we all stormed out of the office. "Well, that went well," Stan said with Wendy in his arms.
But seriously, fuck, that code is annoying. But in the end, Dumbledore may be right. The code might be "discerning" to whatever "transmundane" might happen, haha.
Holy crap, I didn't realize how long this chapter would become. This chapter was originally supposed to be much shorter, but the entire North Park Elementary sequence was a last minute addition, and I thought it would be shorter. I was wrong. It became so long I had to delay some parts that were supposed to be in this chapter and shove it into next chapter.
Why did I add Harry Potter? Because magic. Also, I know Harry Potter is supposed to be a nice guy in the books and Draco Malfoy is supposed to be a jerk until the very end - well that's not the way it's gonna roll in my fanfic. Expect to see them for about three more chapters at most.
