I dropped the F-bomb 32 times in this chapter, alot more than any other, lol. I think the runner up had like 14 or something.
Also, I went off to rename a few chapters since I think it would sound better.
Chapter 16
There really wasn't any way we could fight back, we were completely outnumbered. Five of us against like thirty-or-so wizards? I mean I honestly didn't expect them to let us go, after I completely eviscerated Harry Potter outside Bayroyal Hall earlier. Of course, though, I didn't expect the five of us to be dragged back to Harry Potter's home, locked in his basement, then tied up to chairs facing the doorway. The basement was completely empty and barren. At least he was kind enough to leave the lights on - it would have been awful if I couldn't see anything. Then again, I did deserve this for mutilating Harry earlier. But there is still the Nazi Zombie problem, and Terrorblade is still out there getting to Sovngarde. I can't remain down here forever, not when the world is at stake. Our weapons and backpacks were gone, and none of us had any clue where they went. Nevertheless, like always, whenever something goes wrong, an argument has to ensue.
And, like always, Wendy has to be the first one to state her opinions. "I really hope they didn't take the C4 from my backpack. Seriously though, nice going Cole."
I rolled my eyes. I tried to twist and turn, but my hands and feet were bound tightly to the chair, my hands tied behind my back. "Oh my God, not now..."
"You know, you have serious temper issues!" Wendy tried to pull herself out as well but of to no avail. "This is what I mean last night! You're always angry, cocky, volatile..."
"Hey!" I tried to pull myself out again, but it was worthless. I was only straining hurting my wrists and ankles. "I got us into the Terrance and Phillip show! I was the reason Ray learned his sorcerous Dragonshouts! What the fuck would you have done, Wendy? You can just sit there and sputter!"
"You know," Stan said, "when someone is an asshole to you, that doesn't mean you should have to back down. But you don't lash out, abuse your powers, and try to murder them!"
"So when you beat me up at school," I reminded, "you expect me to just back down. Isn't that what you told me back then?"
"You were easy to pick on back then because you backed down like Butters," Stan argued. "Now you're just fucking insane." I can't believe that little prick. He, like his friends, picked on me because I was a coward. Now he's treating me like I'm the bad guy?
"Yeah, except Harry Potter isn't exactly the nicest person, and neither is Butters!" I rolled my eyes. "Why do you both always automatically assume I'm the bad guy whenever bad shit happens to me or for me?!"
"Because you never control your anger in a healthy manner!" Wendy yelled. "You're vicious too, and you use bullying as an excuse for your behavior! You are the product of anger that has boiled deep inside you and you never got the chance to express the anger in a healthy manner. This is borderline insanity."
I rolled my eyes. "Wow, straight out of a fucking bullying manual. Nice psychoanalysis, how much do you charge for the full hour?" I swear I wanted to leap out of my chair and punch her, or Stan. Perhaps both. "No, seriously, fuck you! What the fuck do you know about bullying? You have never been bullied, Wendy! You nor Stan! Your lives are as perfect as can be! And Stan, your bullying video was fake as fuck anyways!"
"You don't know me or Wendy, dumbass!" I could hear Stan crack his jaw. "You're so concerned with yourself you forgot even someone 'oh-so-perfect' like me or Wendy have our problems as well! We both struggled with our relationship!"
"Are you fucking with me right now, Stan?" I can't believe this idiot has to bring up his relationship problems, because it's only making him sound more like an ass. "No seriously, are you fucking with me? You have to bring up your relationship? You do realize you're one of the few people in this school with a steady relationship that's lasted totally about...what...fifteen months, give-or-take? And you have the audacity to shove your relationship problems down my throat? Fuck you! If you think that's a real problem, you don't know what real problems are you jackass!" I haven't been used to talking this much shit to someone's face at all, but I have had about enough of both of them.
"All relationships have their ups and downs you retard!" Stan called back. "There's chances of conflict, there's chances of breakup! You think kissing each other is just fun and games? Everyone has to make sacrifices in a relationship!"
"At least you and Wendy can get back anytime you want!" I scoffed. "You think I can bring back my dead mom, asswipe?!"
"You don't know what dating is like because no girl wants to go out with a jerk like you!" Wendy yelled. Wow. Low blow. I should have seen that one coming. I remember Wendy earlier this morning at Denny's telling us that boys are always in need of a pretty girl's approval. She is right though, no girl really does like me, as in likes likes me. I felt my heart shatter at the reminding thought that no one at school does care for me. I mean I guess I have people like Garet, Jenna, and some others, but I never get to see them and I kinda grew distant overtime. I was dumbstruck, and I couldn't figure out to say. It's a thought that I've always tried to push away since the beginning of 4th grade, but overtime it just always comes back to haunt me, and that's because most of the boys in my class had a girlfriend at one point or another, but I haven't, and all the boys are compared to each other based on how well they can score girls. When someone tells you no one loves you, especially when you never had a girlfriend, you could feel the insult sting. Of course, she went on. "What? Did I strike a nerve?"
Part of me wanted to fight back, but the other part of me that took over wanted to make peace with them. "I-I-um..." But that thought didn't go away. I was defeated. I began to sniffle as tears began to stain my eyes.
"Are you kidding me?" Stan yelled. "You think we're gonna feel sorry just because you're gonna cry?"
I just let the tears flow as I cried louder. "You're right! No one loves me!" I really am and asshole. I don't deserve a girl, no, I don't actually deserve the few friends I have.
"Well..." Ray said, "you did get us stuck here, Cole, not gonna lie."
"So what do we do now?" Isaac asked.
"Isaac, you ask that all the time, you are the epitome of the dame in distress," Wendy said. "'What can we do?' 'Guys, I need help!' Why don't you actually find a solution for once instead of standing there on the sidelines like a creep all the time like Kenny? Seriously, you are boring and uninteresting and I don't know why you're here right now."
"Fuck you, Wendy!" Isaac yelled. "At least I don't jump to conclusions! At least I'm not a jealous bitch!" Wow. What has gotten into Isaac recently? I could have sworn he's the nice, kind, sensitive guy like he was until two days ago. I began to slowly cease crying.
"Shut up, Isaac, no girl likes you either," Stan said, "and Wendy, did you have to bring up Kenny like that? I mean I know you don't really like him, but come on."
"You know why I don't like him." Yeah, I know why Wendy doesn't like Kenny. It's no secret that Kenny is a pervert who enjoys looking at porn, and it's no secret Wendy is a feminist who finds porn degrading to women, so naturally, Kenny and Wendy wouldn't get along very well.
In front of me I saw the light bend itself to reveal Harry Potter taking off a shroud. That made me jump. How did that happen? Was Harry wearing some invisibility shroud? "Ahahahahahaha, this is great. The trashy rednecks making each other cry." Oh my God, fuck this guy. This guy just appears whenever he wants. Not only is this guy a bully, but he is also a stalker and tormentor. He's like the devil who follows you around always doubting you. "Seriously, fuck you Cole for breaking my glasses and almost killing me."
"Fuck you, you deserved it totally!" Ray blew a raspberry at Harry. "Untie me and fight me like a real man!"
"Fuck you, Ray, you faggot, like seriously, what kind of 'real man' dyes his hair pink?" Harry suddenly raised his eyebrows and cringed. "Oh no, don't tell me you're a weaboo. I fucking hate weaboos almost as much as I hate my school principal. If I could I would fuck them all to death." I guess it's a good thing Harry doesn't know that Prinicpal Dumbledore is a fan of anime.
"Fuck you, that's disgusting! What is wrong with you?!" Wendy yelled.
"Yeah, fuck you," Stan yelled. "There's nothing wrong with anime even though...um...I don't really watch any anime. But whatever!"
"Oh nononono!" Harry got up into Stan's face now. "Do not fuck me, Stan, I already fucked you, we will only be fucking each other!"
"Why is everyone saying 'fuck you' all of a sudden?" Isaac asked. Yeah, that is really weird. This is turning into a contest of who can say the last "Fuck you".
"Fuck you, Isaac, you stupid mouthbreather!" Harry had an angry look on his face to try to scare Isaac. Of course, Isaac was sensitive to those things, so Isaac edged back a little on his seat. "Now enough of this 'fuck you' nonsense. The reason I'm really here is because-" Harry pointed straight at me. "-you're a psychopathic douchebag for smashing my face on the sidewalk, Cole, and your 'friends' are in the right to bitch out on that. That being said-" Harry pointed at Ray first "-you are a faggot-" Harry then pointed at Isaac "-you are a mongloid-" Harry then turned his glare onto both Stan and Wendy "-and you two, Stan and Wendy, are spoiled brats who are too young to be dating, I mean, come on, you're like nine or ten. We're not in a fanfiction here, we're not in some sick perverted television show! Act like you're actually children and not brainwashed teens, damnit!"
"Oh come on, and you aren't a spoiled brat yourself?" Stan rolled his eyes and grumbled underneath his breath. "So you're only here to shittalk us because you know we can't kick your ass with ourselves tied down in our chairs." Seriously, it's one thing to...you know, kidnap us. It's another to kidnap us then stand around just taunting us to death. It's like we're in a Batman movie where Batman himself gets kidnapped by the bad guy and is forced to listen to monologues of stupid shit. Then again, it could always be worse.
Harry scoffed. "What? Of course not!"
"Then why are you here?" Wendy yelled.
"Because fuck you, that's why!" Harry stuck his middle fingers out at us.
"Where's our stuff?" Stan asked.
"In the sewers beneath the town." Nice, Harry is going to be that cliché idiot bad guy who just dangles every piece of information just because. "But you're stuck here. Hahahahahaha! I have...wait...wasn't there a bomb in one of your backpacks?"
"Yes," Wendy replied.
"Shit!" Harry stomped on the ground with his face red with anger. "Fuck! I forgot completely about that! Fuck! Fuck! Fuckity fuck!"
"So where's your friends?" Ray asked.
"Oh Ron and Hermione? They're upstairs." Harry said.
"Just tell us why you hate us, you pussy." Stan impatiently rolled his eyes. Seriously, why does Harry Potter hate us so much? I wanna figure out too.
"Because your town has no respect for human beings. You are the most fundamentally backwards people I have ever known." Harry rubbed his bruised eyes before moving on. "So many problems originate from you. But I'll never forget the day all the little boys and men of North Park had to fight the war against Canada - the time I nearly lost my parents." He started to sniffle a little, as if it was his turn to cry now. Man, alot of us are criers here. "Us kids in North Park love Terrance and Phillip just as much as you guys seem to. Asses of Fire was the greatest movie ever. But you guys got careless...tried to replicate the tricks...then the parents in South Park understandably panicked, freaked out...but then one parent took it too far, made it her duty to wage war on Canada over some movie! You South Parkers ruin everything for the rest of us. You take it too far! Because of you, so many fads get ruined. You fight with each other, you're jerks to each other and others as well, and us North Parkers have to be dragged to fight with you because of how stupid you guys are." He let out a deep sigh. Well I suppose he had a point. I remember the war against Canada. It was disgusting and awful - war over a single movie.
"...that was one mom, and there's more to South Park than just drama," Stan said, "like we're all great friends with each other."
"You forget that even though disasters do happen," Wendy added, "we all make it through, and when we face down challenges, we grow stronger as a person. You don't know what we're like, you make all these assumptions based on rumors spread about us, and it's easy for you to talk shit about us because you haven't dealt with what we had to."
"Yeah, you think it's easy for kids our age to act like the responsible adults, Harry," Stan continued, "you seem like the type of person who doesn't know what goes on because you seem like you live a perfect, sheltered life, and nothing bad ever happens to you. And then when you see something you can't explain, you think it's bad." I guess Stan and Wendy do have a point. They've experienced more of the everyday conflict than I have ever had to face. They both had to face popularity issues, political movement, demons, supernatural entities, and in the end, they both live on with their lives like a regular couple. And as much as I didn't like them, I have to admit that the fact that they didn't falter by now - those two are strong not just in the body, but also the mind and spirit.
Ray then began to groan and moan. "RHHHHHH!"
All of a sudden, I felt myself shrink to a particle. My body felt like nothing. I couldn't see what was going on. I felt like my soul was in freefall. The next thing I knew, my friends and I were suddenly standing at the doorway to the basement, with Harry looking at us in shock. I'm in shock as well. I don't know what just happened or how it happened, but I teleported here somehow.
"What the fuck?" Harry's jaw dropped in awe.
Ray laughed. "It's the anal probe." He lowered his pants to moon Harry, and suddenly a small, steel satellite dish with a radius no more than four inches stuck out of his ass. "I was trying to get myself out to kick your ass. I guess I didn't realize I could also teleport my friends as well. There's an alien sensor stuck on the ceiling if you haven't noticed." I followed Ray's finger to see some kind of metallic "alien eye" sticking out of the ceiling. Woah. The satellite dish retracted back into Ray's ass and he pulled his pants back up again.
"...this does not bode well." Harry let out a sigh.
All of a sudden, an explosion came from behind us. The six of us turn our gazes outward. "What was that?" Harry asked.
As the six of us got outside the house, we saw Ron and Hermione already outside on the street facing to the right, which is South. Both of them were pale. We followed their gazes to see figures running towards us roaring and screaming. "Harry..." Ron pointed a nervous finger down at the individuals.
"ZOMBIES!" A little girl no older than six was running towards us. "RUN!"
The girl had to say no more, since the eight of us began running north. But more zombies came from the east to try to cut us off. I looked around. My four friends are here, but Harry and his friends were no longer with us. Whatever. I'm sure they'll be alright, they seem to know hiding spots better than we do. The five of us blew past the zombies and towards a "AT&T" office building that was about ten stories tall. Cars were littered in the street as the evening sun shone down. Zombies were jumping all over the adults and ravaging them. Kids dressed up as wizards had their wands out holding back the zombies with as much efforts as possible. Cops and civillians had their handguns out shooting zombies as well. And up in the skies was Harbinger raining down arcane orbs on the zombies. He didn't pay any mind to us since he was busy dealing with the zombie attack here.
"There's a tunnel to the sewers! We can hide there!" Wendy pointed at the trapdoor to the sewers located inside the AT&T parking lot.
As the five of us crossed the street to jump the bush, eight zombies jumped out to greet us. "Oh crap! Zombies!" Stan looked around frantically. "We gotta get rid of them!"
"We don't have any weapons!" Isaac looked at both of his hands. "We can't even kill them! What are we gonna do?" Unfortunately, weapons also boost magic capabilities, and since I lack my staff, my magical attacks and shapeshifted attacks are going to be very weak.
"We can still control them!" Ray twirled his hands and a ring of frost was placed on the ground, encircling around us.
"Ahh, Frischfleisch!" Three zombies charged forward, but when they stepped on the circumference of the ring they were immediately encased in ice.
Wendy's hands glowed with light and a fourth zombie was incapacitated and put to sleep - this spell was called Repentance. A fifth tried to charge at Wendy, but immediately, Wendy stuck her hand out at it, and the zombie began running away in fear - this one being Turn Evil. "Das Mädchen Licht! Es brennt! Renn weg!"
Isaac placed down a cross just like how he did back at my home last evening, only this cross glowed with electricity. Three more zombies came for us. Stan immediately made a heroic leap forward fifteen yards into the middle of the three zombies. When he landed on the ground, the blacktop beneath him quaked and shattered, staggering the zombies. "Alright, come and get some!"
"Stan!" Wendy's tone was full of fear and worry. "Be careful!" The rest of the four of us began running towards Stan to try to help out.
When the zombies tried to claw at Stan, he immediately let out an ear-piercing scream. "AHHHH!" The zombie directly in front of Stan cowered in fear while the other two began to run away from him. This technique is Intimidating Shout. I looked back and the three zombies that were previously frozen were no longer so, but when they tried to run at us, the air totem Isaac laid down exploded, stunning them out. We got to the sewer lid. Stan lifted it up without much trouble. "Everyone in!"
As Stan said that, one more zombie came out of the AT&T building. I cycloned the zombie, but not before he threw out a bolt of shadow energy that hit Isaac's face as he climbed down into the sewers. "Ahh!" Isaac's voice faded.
After Wendy and Ray went into the sewers, I went in as well, then Stan was last. Stan closed the opening above us with the lid and we all slid down into the sewers. About every few yards was a lightbulb so the sewers were lighted up throughout. I sighed. "Phew. Glad that's over."
Suddenly, I felt a push on my back. I staggered and almost fell, but luckily I placed my feet in the right positions to not do so as Isaac's voice rang into my ears. "Cole! What the hell! I was cursed! Why were you just standing there?"
I blinked my eyes. Oh crap, Isaac was hit by that shadow bolt. I jumped to face him. "Wait, oh crap!"
"Well it's too late, but you need to pay more attention, Ray cured the curse off me!" Isaac grabbed my shoulders and shook them. "Seriously, wake up!"
I was stunned. Now Isaac is being a dick to me too. Why is he acting like this? I dusted off my robes as the other four went forward without saying another word on the right side of the sewer tunnel. We were all silent. I felt like crap, like the time the girls made that List. I might have put everyone in a bad mood today, and now it will probably get worse as we have to crawl around dirty, nasty sewers to escape the zombies and North Park.
But hey, Harry Potter did say our stuff is in the sewers, so at least now we'll get it back, right?
Some more German translations:
"Ahh, Frischfleisch!" = "Ah, fresh meat!"
"Das Mädchen Licht! Es brennt! Renn weg!" = "The girl's light! It burns! Run away!"
You know, when I first thought of this fanfiction, I was thinking that if the Stick of Truth Game had some elements of Skyrim (Dovahkiin, dragonshouting), why not add Sovngarde to the mix? I also thought of making my own OCs. The second thought is what if Cole took the Stick instead of Jimmy? Then the thought kinda snowballed from there, which is why if you read closely you'd see remnants of events that actually happened in the Stick of Truth game in my fanfic (such as Ray the Dovahkiin getting anal probed).
Anyways, stay tuned.
