Warning: this chapter is rated T for Twilight.
Chapter 19
We woke up at 7:00am this morning and immediately started packing up. For breakfast we had some pop tarts, cliff bars, trail mix, and water. Like "dinner" last evening, our breakfast wasn't very spectacular. But unfortunately, none of us know how to cook. By 7:30am, we were back on the road heading north. No cars passed by, and our parents still haven't attempted to contact us. The air was a cool 52 degrees Fahrenheit with slow winds, and the sky was overcast with white clouds. The road began to lead uphill into a valley between two mountains, and halfway up the left mountain we could see a golden tower. That might be the Sol Lighthouse.
"Do you think it's going to rain today?" Wendy asked.
"Hopefully not." Stan had Wendy in his right arm again.
We're not very fast hikers, but that's only because we're kids, and we have to carry stuff with us. The road led into another dark forest filled with gnarled and dead trees. The snowy environment lacked any life, and the wind blew an ominous music through the air.
I shuddered, the cold wind blowing through my robes. "Ooh. It's chilly."
"Assuming we don't get sidetracked, we should be able to reach the lighthouse by 9am, according to the GPS on my phone." Ha, good joke Ray. Don't get sidetracked - I have a feeling we're gonna get sidetracked somehow.
"Ray, put that phone away," Stan warned.
"Why?" Ray asked.
"The government is looking for us, remember?" Stan shook his head "They can track us through our phones, remember?"
Ray scratched his pink hair. "Oh...yeah, I forgot. Sorry." He then put his phone away.
We continued walking for about ten more minutes through the dead woods before something unnatural caused my hears to perk up. It sounded like a little girl crying. "Shh, guys, hear that?" Isaac asked. The rest of us nodded silently. "Do you think it's up ahead?"
Stan unsheathed his sword and held it with both of his hands. "I think so, from what it seems. Let's be careful." The rest of us drew out our weapons as well and we creep slowly up the road.
The road made a small jump a few yards ahead, and as we ascended to the highest point of the road relative to where we are, we could slowly see who was crying over the horizon. There sat a blonde girl who was no older than we are next to the back of a school bus that was parked on the left side of the road. Her hair was tied in a ponytail and she wore a blue jacket with a dark green collar and black pants. She was crying into her bare hands. On the opposite side of the road directly across from the school bus was a narrow road that led itself up on a left cliffside.
"Is she bad?" Isaac whispered.
"Doesn't look like it," Ray replied.
"She looks hurt, is she going to be alright?" Wendy asked. "Maybe we should help her."
"She looks familiar, as if I met her from somewhere before." Wendy glanced at Stan when the words came out of his mouth. "I don't remember though."
"Implying?" Wendy's eyebrow was raised.
"I'm not sure, but let's check it out." Stan took the lead as he began to walk towards the girl. I immediately followed after, and I could hear the rest of my friends follow me from behind. When we approached the girl, she looked up at us, reached behind her back to grab a bottle no larger than my rib cage full of purple smoke plugged in with a cork, and tried to hide herself behind it as if cowering in fear. "Hey, what happened? Are you alright?"
"Please don't hurt me!" The girl was sobbing some more. "You're not one of them, are you?" What were "them"? What does the girl even mean?
Stan turned back at us and shrugged. "Um, I don't know what you're saying."
"You're - you're not a vampire, are you?" Vampires? The girl has a grudge on vampires? I didn't even know vampires actually existed out here. Maybe it's the product of the Stick of Truth existing.
"Wait, wait, slow down." Wendy put her hands on the girl's right shoulder as she knelt down. In her softest and sweetest voice, she said, "We're not vampires, and we're not here to hurt you. Tell us what happened."
"I - I was t-t-traveling with my choir tour a-a-and we stopped f-f-for a bathroom break, b-b-but then before we could get back on the r-r-road again, vampires a-t-t-tacked us here. T-t-they took Miss Stevens and the o-o-others." It was difficult to understand her message through all the sobbing, but it sounded like vampires attacked the bus and kidnapped everyone while she hid.
"Alright, calm down, where did they take them?" Ray asked.
"Ray, don't be an ass." Wendy tone seemed to express disapproval about Ray's question. I guess I can agree, Ray was being a bit too harsh.
"Wait, when did the vampires attack?" Stan asked.
"L-l-like about half-an-hour ago," the blonde girl replied.
"Wait a minute, if they're vampires, wouldn't they be burned by the sunlight?" Isaac asked.
"Yeah, the dead trees above us don't block out all the sunlight, and we can always find some garlic or silver around I think," Stan added.
"But there's an overcast right now," Ray replied.
"Sunlight still goes through clouds," Isaac retorted. That is true; if sunlight didn't go through clouds, we'd be in complete darkness right now, which we aren't.
"T-t-that didn't stop them," the girl replied.
"Wait, you're saying they're immune to the sun?" Stan asked.
"You mean like in Twilight?" Wendy asked.
"Um...what?" Stan's tone seemed surprised and we all turned to Wendy for answers.
"Twilight is really lame and stupid," Wendy said, "but I watched the movies out of obligation for my friends - and when I say friends, I really mean two of them."
"Who would subject you to that shit?" Stan made his comment seem like a question but he continued on. "Wait, let me guess - Bebe and Red."
"Yep." Wendy nodded. "The rest of the girls had to watch just to show our support, haha. Like Isaac said, conventional ways of killing a vampire involves sunlight, holy water, silver, garlic, and a stake. Thing is, the vampires that attacked this bus didn't seem to mind daytime at all which means...we might have Twilight vampires on our hands."
I raised a finger to try to say something, but the words lost me. I'm very confused. "I'm a confused little boy."
"Ugh, Twilight?" Stan's voice was whiny. "That's so lame!"
Wendy chuckled. "I think it's lame too, and I think it's the Stick that caused these vampires to appear. Ever since the Stick was rediscovered and someone possesses it again, the world's getting fucked up."
"Well, it might not be the stick to be honest," Stan argued, "supernatural things have always happened, even before we ever played with the stick."
Wendy nodded. "True. And to make matters worse, they are very agile and fast."
"How fast are we talking about?" Stan asked.
"They can run at a constant speed faster than Usain Bolt," Wendy replied. "And they are stronger than any regular human. And yeah, I know we have WoW powers, but the five of us are as mortal as any regular kid."
"So basically these vampires are demigods, more-or-less," Ray said. "How are we gonna stop them? There's gotta be some kind of weakness."
"There is." Wendy then began to scratch her pink beret and head. "Um...I don't remember what the weakness to Twilight vampires was." She pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes. "Now I wish I paid more attention to the movies."
Stan laughed. "Can't blame you. Doesn't Twilight suck?"
"Ugh, don't even get me started on the terribly-written relationships." Wendy rolled her eyes.
I looked at the girl who was still cowering and crying. It didn't look like our arrival did her any justice. "We'll get as many survivors as we can," I said.
The girl slowly stopped crying. "You will?"
I looked back at my friends and they nodded. "Yeah, we'll do it," Ray said, "we'll be back soon. Just stay hidden in the bus. Do you know where they are?"
The girl pointed up the narrow road that led to the cliff wall. "They went somewhere up that road." The girl gave Ray the purple smoke bottle she was holding. "Here, take this."
"What is this?" Ray eyed the bottle curiously as he rotated it in his hands.
"I'm not sure to be honest...one of the vampires dropped it when they kidnapped the rest of my choir tour." Before we could move on, the girl said something. "You with the blue hat." She must have been referring to Stan, so I faced him. "You look really familiar."
"Yeah, so do you," Stan replied.
"Do you know a 'Kenny McCormick' by any chance?" the girl asked.
"He's one of my closest friends, why?" Stan tilted his head to the side and Wendy glanced at him.
"He was my long distance boyfriend...wait a minute..." the girl took a closer look at Stan. "You're Stan Marsh. You, Kenny, Kyle and whoever that fat kid was was on the choir tour with me!"
"Kelly Nelson!" Stan's eyes opened wide with realization. "You tried to get us to join the choir, wanted us to save the rainforest!"
"Wait what?" Wendy tilted her head.
"Wendy, you don't remember?" Stan yawned. "They tried to get us to join, but we were being immature and disruptive."
"Uh, guys?" Ray waved both his hands at us. "I don't wanna ruin the little date, but we're kinda short on time. If we're gonna rescue the choir tour, we gotta go now."
Stan nodded at Ray then turned back to Kelly. "Alright, Kelly, just stay hidden. Don't attract any of the vampires. We'll be back soon."
"Please save them! Don't let them be turned into vampires themselves!" Kelly then climbed back inside the bus.
The five of us followed the narrow east. Luckily, the road was only about three-hundred or so yards. It led into a house made of wooden boards, probably to trap in heat from the snowy environment. There was one car parked outside facing out of the driveway - a silver Prius. It was a two-story house with a garage that can fit three cars. The five up crept up to the Prius and then darted to the sides.
"Alright, so do we go through the front door?" Isaac asked.
"Isaac, did you seriously just ask that question?" Wendy rolled her eyes.
I crept closer and cupped my hands over my ears like a bat to try to hear something. I could hear nothing inside the house from here. "Cole, do you hear anyone?" Stan asked. I shook my head no. "Well, I don't hear anyone either. We can always unlock the door."
"But we don't have the key to the door, how are we going to get in?" Wendy asked. "And going through the front door? Seriously, guys?"
"Who said anything about needing the real key-" Stan turned his gaze from Wendy to Ray, "-Ray?"
"Oh, so now I'm demoted to key guy?" Ray's expression was neutral.
I couldn't tell if Ray was being serious or joking, so I responded in the way any respectful and empathetic individual should. "Ray, stop being a little bitch."
Ray had his mouth open. I definitely surprised him with my response. He then exhaled. "Aaaaaaaalllllllrrriiiiiggggggghhhhhhhhhttttttttttt. Fine." Ray then summoned up his water elemental, then pointed at the front doorknob. The water elemental sprayed water into the keyhole, then Ray walked up, twirled around his frost-coated hands, and then a frost key formed out of the doorknob. Twisting the key, Ray opened the door slowly. We saw no one in the doorway. Ray then took the key out and tossed away. "There's no one here. Let's go." Ray motioned us to come in, and so the five of us and Ray's elemental quietly piled into the house.
The house was really nice actually. The interior walls were of oiled oakwood. The statues and pictures of natural environments looked quite antique and dated, but there was no dust settling in, so it was quite clear that people are still inside the house. To be honest, I feel quite dirty breaking and entering into someone's house. It feels quite dirty, but at the same time, Kelly did imply that the vampires would reside here.
The room we're currently in was a living room with a couch in the middle facing the wall to our left that had a mounted HDTV above a small fireplace underneath the head of a bear that was mounted on the wall. On the wall opposite of the entryway that which we came in, there was a head of a mountain lion mounted above a small bookshelf. These hunters definitely had money. In the back right corner was an opening that forked right into a dining room and left into some other room. We took the left fork and we appeared into an entertainment room. The west side had a staircase, in the middle was a pool table, and on the north side was another TV with a Playstation 4 and an Xbox One both connected to the TV. Then something bizarre caught my eye - the back wall had a giant hole that led to the forest behind, and broken wood and glass was spilled everywhere on the ground, the pool table, and outside on the snow.
"Do you think they went out that way?" Isaac asked.
"Why would they break down their own wall?" Wendy added.
I walked forward and picked up one of the pieces of wood to examine it. It wasn't rotted, it was fresh. "This must have happened recently."
I handed the wood to Stan and he too looked at it. "You're right." Stan tossed away the piece of wood. "You know, this stuff reminds me: one time, my friends and I wanted to play detectives. Then the police department thought we were serious and took us in. We eventually ended up taking down a meth lab an a strip club without any weapons."
Wendy raised an incredulous eyebrow at Stan. "What? How?"
"In both instances, the bad guys shot each other." Stan shook his head. "That's the last time we played detectives."
Wendy blinked her eyes several times. "That just sounds...you - you know what? It's South Park, I'm just gonna have to accept this and move on."
I took a closer look at the snow and I could see little dips that created a small path eastward. Then it hit me. Those were many footprints that must lead somewhere. I began to follow the trail. "Cole, where are you going?" Isaac asked. I didn't answer. Looking up, the footprint trail seemed to follow between two treelines down a certain path, and I went.
"I think Cole's onto something, comeon." Ray's voice came closer to me as I could hear the rest follow me.
I shapeshifted into Cat Form to try to track down the scent. I could smell children, and something awfully dead. The aroma was definitely coming from up the footprint trail. As I sniffed the trail, Wendy called out to me. "Um, Cole?"
"Hm?" I turned back to the rest of the gang.
"If there's one thing I remember about Twilight vampires, uh, they don't like shapeshifters, they're natural enemies of each other and vampires can smell shapeshifters." Wendy shot me a worrying look. "You're a druid. Druids can shapeshift. Therefore you're going to attract alot of vampires. That and there's a black tattoo icon of a moon on each side of your ass that would give you away of your powers, so no you can't blend in like a real mountain lion."
"What?" I twirled myself around like a dog chasing its tail in both directions, and I could clearly see two black tattoos with the shape of a crescent with a dot in the middle on each side of my ass. "Oh, yeah, I forgot druids have that tattoo when they're in animal form, I never really pay attention to it that often."
"Wendy, I thought you said you didn't pay attention to the movies," Isaac stated.
"Obviously not well enough for her to remember vampires' weaknesses," Ray retorted.
Wendy put out the palms of her hands. "The point is that Cole might be a liability here. I don't wanna sound like a total bitch, Cole." That kinda hurt my heart to be honest. So what if I'm bait? I'm still the guy responsible for keeping us alive, has she forgotten that?
"Wendy, comeon, we're not leaving Cole behind." Stan pinched the bridge of his nose. "Remember what happened last night?"
"Yeah, I know." Wendy tapped her foot a little, then scratched the back of her neck. "Let's keep going. But to be safe, Cole, you should probably avoid shapeshifting when you can. You don't want to...trigger them." Said as if it were straight out of some Tumblr joke. "Don't feel bad, you're still my cute kitty-cat." Wendy patted my head. Nice joke, bitch.
I shapeshifted back into my human form and narrowed my eyes at Wendy. I said the exact same thing I told Kenny back at school and my friends back at Bayroyal Hall. "I hate you all. That is all."
We followed the trail for many more yards until we reached a clearing with many forks in the road. Directly straight from where we came was a large metal cage behind a bush. We could see many people stuck inside, but none of them were screaming. They were clearly moving, so they must be alive, but if they're not making a sound, that would mean that there are bad guys nearby.
"Alright." I turned to Ray who was reading a label on the purple bottle of smoke he carried. "Smoke of Deceit. Used to move an entire squadron invisibly behind enemy lines. The invisibility fades off the affected person if someone who is not affected by the same smoke of deceit is within thirty yards. Last three minutes or until it breaks from proximity."
"So it's basically used for scouting from a distance." Stan nodded. "Useful."
And of course, I had to say something certain I said to Kenny and Ray back when we fought the ginger kids. "Wow, somehow there's always convenient stupidity for us 'heroes' to take advantage of, just like a video game."
"I'm not sure why vampires have this, but whatever." Ray yawned and made a leftwards sweeping motion with his right arm as if saying hooray. "Alright. Step 1: Pull cork from bottle." Ray pulled the cork from the bottle, and immediately a hissing sound came out of the bottle as purple smoke began to leave the bottle. "Ok. Step 2: Stay near the bottle and wait for the invisibility to kick in. Dispose bottle properly." Ray dropped the bottle on the ground. "Ok, well let's assume we can't see each other soon. Everyone hold hands." We all lined up and I grabbed Wendy's right hand with my left hand and Isaac's left hand with my right hand. We waited. For ten seconds. Then thirty.
"When is this thing going to trigger?" Stan's tone seemed impatient as he glared down at the bottle while holding Ray's right hand and Wendy's left hand.
As the words left Stan's mouth, there was a sudden popping sound and no more hissing could be heard. We all disappeared from sight, but I could still feel myself holding Wendy's and Isaac's hands. The bottle stayed visible on the ground, only empty now, and the purple smoke must have completely dispersed into the air. "Oh cool." Ray seemed impressed by the results. "Alright, let's do it!"
I was slowly being dragged by Wendy towards the cage as I felt myself dragging Isaac. It was the weirdest sensation being able to touch my friends without actually seeing them, and I could see the sunlight bend around the shape of Wendy's body. Of course though, my friends have a hard time keeping their mouths shut. "Wow, being invisible is like the weirdest sensation," Wendy said.
"Anyone see anything?" Stan asked.
"I'm hungry," Isaac complained.
"Shut up! They can hear us!" Ray's voice was a bit louder and harsher. Hypocrite.
"Nothing," Stan said. "Let's keep going and see what's up."
"Good idea," Ray agreed. "This way."
I was led on by Wendy and as we approached I could see a man and a woman in front of the cage. There were about ten-or-so kids and one woman who was probably in her early thirties. She was fit with brown hair and was wearing a yellow hat. All of the kids wore a yellow T-shirt over their jackets that said "G.G.W.K." and two pink eight-notes connected to each other was layered behind the letters on the shirts. The man had short brown hair and the woman had brown hair that went below her neckline. Both of their skins were paled out, and they wore black leather jackets and black jeans. "Wait, look," Ray whispered.
"It's the vampires." Stan's voice showed fear and horror.
"Beth, I think there's another girl hiding in the bus we just pillaged," the male vampire said.
"Well what are you waiting for, Ethan? Get her and bring her here. She's gonna be first for the blood ritual." As the words left the female vampire's mouth impatiently, the male vampire sprinted around the bush, towards us, then past us at about the speed of Usain Bolt. The female then sniffed the air and clutched her fists. "I smell a shapeshifter. A dirty fucking shapeshifter." Oh fuck. They can smell me while I'm a regular human?
"Oh no, Kelly!" Stan whispered in horror.
"Nevermind that, Cole might have gave us away." I could feel Wendy let go of my hand. "Alright, here's what's goin' down. I'm gonna run in at the speed of light and fist her real hard...not what you guys are thinking. Anyways, here I go!" As the words left Wendy's mouth, I saw a trail of holy light speed into the bush that separated the female vampire and the cage and us. "Oh fuck! There's spiders in here! Nasty! I hate spiders! Ew!"
"Wendy!" Ray called out. "Where are you?"
"Wendy?" Isaac said.
"Wendy, what happened?" Stan asked.
"Wendy's what's going on?" I asked. I was looking around frantically, but all I could see was the bush rustling.
I looked at my hands. A second later, they reappeared. Oh shit! The smoke must have ran out on us! We're visible now! Then I saw Wendy run back to us with spiderwebs and twig branches stuck on her armor and in her hair and beret. "There. Glad that's over with."
Ray was very annoyed, and was fuming at Wendy. "Congratulations. We've successfully managed to waste an entire duration of the Smoke of Deceit." Ray was beginning to redden with rage as he glared angrily at Wendy. It doesn't look like Stan was going to defend Wendy - after all, Wendy kinda did fuck us over.
Wendy gave off a nervous smile and laugh as she pulled a twig from her hair. "Yeah, we're not very good at this 'heroes' business, are we?"
Ray gritted his teeth as his voice and anger escalated at Wendy. "We?!" Oh hell no, Wendy, don't shift the blame on us now.
Of course though, the vampire Beth suddenly appeared in front of the bush in which Wendy previously crashed into. "Grr! Eavesdroppers!" Beth gritted her fanged teeth with rage as she narrowed her eyes at us, the iris color glowing an unnatural orange-red tone. Fire ignited in her hands.
Ray had his mouth open. "I'm out!" Ray immediately teleported a short distance away somewhere, a skill mages like him had.
"Me too!" As the words left my mouth, I looked behind us towards the direction we came, and I saw Ray standing there near a bush about twenty yards away. I crouched down a little with my right foot on back and as I looked to my right, I could see myself sprout brownish-blackish bird wings on my back. Then, with the help of my wings, I made a giant leap to Ray, and then the wings disappeared momentarily.
"Hey, wait for me guys!" Isaac, in his ghost wolf form, sped towards Ray and me. Ray's water elemental also followed Isaac closely.
The vampire was standing directly in front of Stan and Wendy. Wendy made a downwards "slapping" motion with her left hand like a high school girl telling someone else to shut up. "Pssh! Well if they're leaving, then I'm leaving!" Wendy then stuck her left arm out flipping the vampire off with her middle finger. "Eat shit!" Moments later, a burst of light erupted on the vampires forehead and the vampire stood there losing consciousness momentarily. Wendy then began running towards us.
"Wendy!" Stan looked back at us. "Where are you going?!"
"I'm sure you know how to handle this, Stan!" Wendy, however, was not paying any attention to where she was going. And...she ran into and tangled herself in another bush again, this one being the one Ray was standing next to. "Ow! Oh, not this again! Spiders...fuck everything!" Apparently, it seems Wendy has severe tunnel-vision.
As Ray and Isaac (now back to being a human) reached to help Wendy, I began walking towards Stan to watch what was happening. Stan tried to swing his sword, but the vampire kicked him down on the ground towards my direction. As Stan began to stand up, the vampire was waving her hands as the flames in her hands grew more intense. "You little shits! You're going to pay for interrupting my blood ritual!"
"Stan! Run!" I shouted.
The vampire let loose a large fireball that was bigger than the size of the largest bowling ball that could be found at a bowling alley. Stan just stood there holding his sword like a baseball bat. What the hell is Stan doing? Is he retarded? Then he did something I forgot warriors could do: when the swung his sword like a baseball bat at the fireball, the fireball bounced back at a 180 degree angle and homed onto the vampire. When the fireball made contact with the vampire, there was a large explosion of heat and flame. "YOU DAMN KIDS!" The next thing I saw was an ash pile in place of where the vampire stood as well as some flame on the snow.
"Wow, I almost forgot I could reflect spells," Stan said in awe.
Wendy walked up to Stan with more twigs and cobwebs in her hair and clothes. Her face was cut up and bleeding a little due to running into two bushes within the span of three minutes. "See, I knew you'd pull something out of Stan." Stan kept silent. He was probably not very thrilled due to us abandoning him back there. "Um, it's trust, you know, that's what makes boyfriends and girlfriends good couples. I trusted you to kick the vampire's ass and...um..." Stan shook his head, and Wendy sighed. "Alright. I shouldn't have left you back there, and I fucked us up even more than Cole. I didn't fight back because these stupid cobwebs and twigs."
Stan chuckled and grabbed Wendy's shoulders. "I can't stay mad at you. Just don't do it again, alright?" Stan then hugged Wendy. It was weird to see Stan so very forgiving of Wendy, after Wendy almost getting us killed. Maybe what Wendy said back at Denny's was true. "Boys will do anything for a pretty girl's approval, it happens." It feels unsettling knowing that when I grow older I'm going to fall under the charms of a beautiful woman. Whatever, now's not the time to worry about that though.
"Wait, Stan, that fire spell you reflected back at the vampire," Wendy mentioned.
"What?" Stan asked.
"That's it!" Wendy's expression brightened, as if she had finally found the meaning to something complex. "These vampires are weak to fire! Fire will kill them quickly!"
The rest of us guys looked at each other, then turned back to Wendy. Ray was the first to speak. "That's fucking stupid."
"What?" Wendy asked.
"Normal humans will also die quickly to fire," Ray argued.
"Yeah," Stan agreed, "You can't say vampires are weak to fire when literally most living animals on this planet will also die from a fire."
"Yeah, your right..." Wendy rubbed her chin. "Now that you mention it, Twilight vampires are not very well written at all."
"Uh, guys? A little help over here?" I turned to see who was calling to us, and surely enough it was the woman from inside the cage, along with her many children. The cage had a metal bar between two hatches so that it could not be pushed inward to open.
"Ray, Isaac, Stan, you guys get them." Wendy pointed to the cage. "Cole, can you heal the cuts and bruises on my face? Please?" Wendy's saying this in her sweetest voice possible.
"Ugh." I groaned. It's one thing to have to heal someone who truly got hurt in a fight, or was picked on. But Wendy's injuries were out of pure negligence and tunnel-vision, and honestly I'm less empathetic about that. Nevertheless, she still is a part of us. I rolled my eyes as I charged my right hand with natural energy. "Don't you know any healing spells? You're a paladin." I held my hand out to stop her from speaking "Actually, I don't want to know your excuse. Whatever. Don't move." I placed my right hand on Wendy's face to slowly mend the damages.
"Cole, you're the more capable healer and...ooh, that feels nice." I raised my eyebrow at Wendy's comment about my healing. Slowly, her bruises began to fade and her cuts began to seal. Of course though, since the injuries are fairly minor, the whole process only took about one minute to complete.
"Thank you," Wendy nodded. We turned to see Stan, Ray, and Isaac along with the hostages. "Glad to have a healer by our side. Ugh, imaging fighting Butters."
"Yeah, seriously," Stan added. "Butters was hard to take down."
"Thank you so much for getting us out of here," the woman with the yellow hat bowed down to us, and so did the rest of the children. "Stan, I remember you from the choir tour last year. You were a great singer."
"You're Ms. Stevens!" Stan replied. "From Getting Gay with Kids!"
"Ms. Stevens?" Wendy turned to face the woman. "Are you related to Bebe Stevens?"
"Yes, and yes," Ms. Stevens replied. "I am Bebe's aunt. I'm in charge of this choir, we were on our way back from Canada when all this happened. I can't thank you five enough for getting us out of here. They were going to suck my blood out!"
"You guys have amazing powers!" One kid said, who had a buzzcut. "You're from South Park huh?"
"Yep," Stan nodded.
"How did you five kids get all the way out here?" Ms. Stevens asked. "Actually, nevermind. Don't answer that question."
The entire pack of us began to head back the direction we came from. Since we went downhill, logically to backtrack we'd have to go uphill again. Luckily, it wasn't a long walk. While walking, I could hear our captives talking to each other about regular things like celebrities, video games, what's happening in their lives, and the such. Of course though when we caught sight of the house, the two figures that came up to us from the front caused everyone to fall silent. It was the male vampire we saw earlier - Ethan, and he had his left arm around Kelly, holding her up to his chest. He held his right hand like a gun as his index finger was next to Kelly's head, his finger glowing with black shadow energy. "So you escaped the cage, buddy? I knew you'd escape the cage, guy." His speaking mannerism made it clear he is (or was) Canadian.
This threw all of us in panic. My heart lept. I can't see another innocent die. Damn vampires. "Woah woah woah!" Ms. Stevens came up. "Don't hurt her, she's done nothing! We don't want any trouble here!"
"Don't step any closer, friend!" The vampire Ethan pointed his shadowy index finger at Ms. Stevens, and Ms. Stevens, in response, immediately backed off. "Now..." the vampire put his right arm around his back and pulled out a small bottle - the exact same one that was the Smoke of Deceit we used, not empty. "Littering isn't nice, buddy. I love nature, and this is a defilement to nature, guy." The vampire threw the empty bottle at me and I caught it. I handed it off to a brown-haired girl who was part of the choir tour. "Now, pardon the hastiness, friend, but I am Ethan Stkrdknmibalz." You know, I thought Friday today would be relatively normal, but already this is getting stupid now. What the hell kind of name is "Stkrdknmibalz"? To me it sounded exactly what one would think it'd sound like.
Wendy tried to sound his name out. "Ethan Stick-Your-Dick-In-My...what?"
"Yeah, I don't think you can stick you dick in someone's balls." Stan shook his head.
"Seems Canadian," Isaac remarked.
"Well you look like Justin Bieber. You look like a faggot." Ray's not wrong, this vampire guy more-or-less looks like a faggot. Or whoever played as that main vampire guy in Twilight.
"And you have pink hair, buddy, so what does that make you?!" Ethan Stkrdknmibalz put his hand out and exhaled. "Now enough talk. All of you turn back the way you came from, and back into your cage, and this blonde girl lives. And if anyone wants to try me..." Ethan charged his right index finger once again with shadows and shoved it into Kelly. Kelly was sniffling with fear. "...I'll turn her head inside-out. Then I'll kill all of you!" Ethan then pointed his shadowy finger straight at me. "Starting with you, guy, you dirty shapeshifter."
I shot an angry glare at Ethan. What the fuck does he - or all vampires for that matter - have against shapeshifters? "Uh, I'm a druid."
"You're a dirty fucking shapeshifter, that's what you are, friend! I can smell it on you, you reek of the stench of the wolf!" Ethan angrily stomped his foot on the ground. Why does he hate me so much for no reason? "Do us vampires a favor: why don't you go eviscerate yourself with a steak knife, buddy?"
That shocked me. Not only is Ethan completely wrong with his assessment about my abilities, he is also being a complete asshole about it too. "I - I can't even turn into a wolf! What is going on?!"
"I'll tell you what's going on." Isaac's voice showed that his patience ran thin as he took two steps forward. "I've had enough of this." Green natural energy charged in Isaac's hands. "Kelly run!"
The next moment, Isaac pushed out both of his hands towards Kelly, and then I saw fog gather around Kelly. A second later, she was replaced by a frog. Interesting. Isaac decided to cast Hex on Kelly and turn into a frog - but why would he do that? Well, a second later, Ethan immediately jumped back out of disgust. "Ew! What the hell?!"
"Ribbit!" Kelly the frog then started jumping towards us.
Isaac wasted no time charging at Ethan Stkrdknmibalz the vampire while laying down another one of his "totems", this one glowing with fire. "Take this!" He shot his left hand out and a burst of fire out of nowhere erupted on Ethan. Then Isaac made a rightward swipe with his left axe that was charged with fire. "And this!"
Meanwhile, when Kelly came to us, I immediately placed a hand on her. A glow of light-blue light enveloped Kelly the frog and she was turned back into her normal human self. "Thank you," she cried.
Ethan stumbled backwards from Isaac's attacks. "You little shit! You really think a bit of fire is going to give me pause?" He held his right arm back, and swung at Isaac, clawing him in the face. Isaac flew backwards and landed in front of me. "Fuck you!" Ethan then released the shadow energy from his finger onto Kelly, the energy enveloping into a moving bolt of shadow. "And eat shit, girl!"
"No!" I could hear everyone from Getting Gay with Kids immediately shriek and scream at Kelly's upcoming death sentence. But I wasn't going to let that happen. I charged up a Cyclone spell, and right as the shadow bolt was about to hit Kelly, I released the spell, and Kelly was lifted off the ground by the cyclone, banished. The bolt reached Kelly in her cyclone prison, but the cyclone was powerful enough to disperse the shadow, effectively negating Ethan's attack.
Of course though, that wasn't the end of it. Isaac laid on the floor, revealing gash marks on his face while Ethan stomped out Isaac's totem. "Isaac!" I then placed my healing hand on Isaac's face to begin to mend him. While doing so, I looked up at my three other friends. "Kick his ass!"
Stan, Wendy, and Ray wasted no time charging in for the attack. Wendy tossed out her shield that glowed with light. "Stupid vampire!" It struck Ethan in the face, then the shield returned to her like a boomerang.
Ethan grabbed his face in pain, the bruises and bleeds beginning to reveal themselves. Stan jumped forward to strike down on Ethan, while Wendy tried to stab Ethan's gut with her sword glowing with light, but Ethan quickly dashed over to me in the blink of an eye, as if teleporting. "No healing for you, shapeshifter." Holy crap does the vampire move fast. Ethan drew his right foot back to kick me in the face, so I quickly transformed into a bear to make myself more durable. I felt my snout crack, and even though I can absorb more damage now, that still hurt like hell. Holy crap, I underestimated this guy's strength. Ethan tried to claw down on me, but at the last second he found himself frozen in place. "What the?"
"Just run, Cole!" Ray shouted as he and his elemental hurled blobs of water and spikes of ice at Ethan. I morphed back into a human, picked up Isaac, and ran towards the direction of the house. Looking back, I saw Ray stick his hands out to deep freeze the already rooted-in-place Ethan, effectively covering him in a block of ice and stunning him out. Because of that, I was given ample time to put down Isaac and begin my work on him. Of course though, my face still stung from Ethan's kick, so I was considerably slower at the job.
Stopping just before the giant hole in the wall from where we came from previously, I laid Isaac down on the ground to heal his wounds again. I watched as Ethan - who already broke out of his icy prison - tried to go for Ray, but Wendy sped in the way between the two at the last second to block Ethan's attack. Meanwhile, Stan jumped up and made a downwards strike on Ethan's spine, rending his flesh and causing blood to gush out of the wound. "Ow! You little shits! Take this!" Ethan picked up Stan by the collar and threw him over to Kelly. "And this!" Ethan raised his left foot and kicked Wendy with the bottom of his foot, whose shield was raised. Of course though, due to how powerful a Twilight vampire is, Wendy was tossed backwards, crashing into Ray and his elemental, the three of them falling down.
Ethan turned his attention towards me and Isaac. Oh shit. This isn't good. Isaac stood up with his axes. I tried to heal my own wounds now. Of course, Ethan was charging up a shadow spell as more shadows gathered into her hands. "Better run from your fears, coward." Of course, before he got his spell off, Isaac quickly conjured up another totem of his and placed it on the ground, this one glowing with green. It was an earth totem. For a split second, black clouds blotted Isaac's head as Isaac began screaming with fear, but then the clouds suddenly dispersed and Isaac's earth totem snapped in half and "died".
"Tremor totem, bitch." Isaac then charged at Ethan again to go head-to-head with him. I saw Wendy healing Ray's bruises with holy light. Hm, good thing she remembered her own abilities. My gaze then shifted to Stan, who was still injured from his toss. Ms. Stevens was helping him stand, but Stan couldn't act right now. Seeing that Stan needed my attention the most, I quickly ran over to him.
Luckily, Ethan paid me no mind as I slid over to Stan. I placed my healing hands on Stan's gut this time for about five seconds. Stan exhaled heavily. "Thank you, Cole! I'm going to kill that bastard for laying a hand on Wendy!" Picking his sword off the ground, he charged back into the fight. I saw that Isaac was swinging his axes charged with wind and flame at Ethan with a flurry of speed as winds circled around him furiously. Wendy herself was doing a good job blocking and parrying Ethan's many punches and kicks while contributing to the damage herself with holy-filled sword attacks. Ray was doing what he did best - shooting ice shards from his fingertips onto Ethan. The damage on Ethan showed, as his clothing and skin began to tear, bruise, and bleed.
"Enough of this!" Of course though, a burst of shadow blasted from Ethan, kicking back Wendy, Ray, and Isaac towards me and the G.G.W.K. choir while extinguishing Ray's water elemental. Stan, however, raised his sword to reflect the spell - which meant that Ethan himself was also blasted by the shadow, and he crouched down a little from the damage. "What the - impossible!"
"What?" Ms. Stevens was obviously in disbelief. "How did Stan block that with only a sword?"
"A true warrior can best even the best of magic users." Spoken like a real nerd, Stan put a smile to my face. Stan whirled once with his word to slice Ethan in the butt, mortally struck Ethan with a thrust into Ethan's belly and Ethan was on all fours as he drooled out blood.
"No!" Ethan screamed. "I'll - I'll fuck you all to death!"
"That's what you get for hitting my girl." Stan then went for the execute - jumping up and making a downwards slice onto Ethan's head, instantly decapitating him. Ethan's head split from his body, falling to the floor as blood gushed everywhere on the snow. Stan sat down on the snow, putting down his sword while I tended to Wendy's, Isaac's and Ray's injuries. "I'm finished!"
The G.G.W.K. children all cheered and squealed with delight, with various compliments such as "wow", "awesome", and "cool". Isaac, Wendy, and Ray stood up, and Stan ran over to Wendy to grab her shoulders. "Wendy! Are you alright? Did he hurt you too badly?" Stan's voice was slightly panicked.
Wendy smiled. "I'm fine, Stan. Thank you."
"Oh my gosh." Ms. Stevens had her mouth open the whole time. "You kids do have powers. How?"
"It's a long story," Stan said, "but it has something to do with the Stick of Truth."
Kelly tilted her head to her side as she stared at us with confusion. "The Stick of what?"
"Truth," Ray replied. "'He who controls the stick controls the universe.' We're trying to get the stick back." Ms. Stevens just shrugged and said nothing more. Ray turned back to us. "You know gang, that was the very first guy we fought and killed - as a team."
"That was a pretty clutch Deep Freeze." Isaac fistbumped with Ray.
"Your Tremor Totem was really solid," Ray complimented, "and Stan, that was a pretty good Spell Reflect you did there."
"Hey, Wendy did great work tanking all the damage." Stan wrapped his arms around Wendy.
"Well, Cole did great work keeping us alive, so props to him as well." Wendy nodded at me. "Sorry for earlier, trying to blame you when I messed up there."
"It's alright," I replied. "You guys did save my ass, yet again."
"You saved us too, you know," Stan replied.
"Um, if you kids are done verbally jerking each other off, we'd like to leave now." Ms. Stevens was getting somewhat impatient.
"Um, sorry," my friends and I said. I guess we were too busy complimenting each other, haha. Ray and Isaac burnt Ethan Stkrdknmibalz' body with flame to make sure he doesn't resurrect.
As predicted, we had to backtrack through the wall into the wooden estate to get outside. Of course though, my group and I decided to take some non-perishable food and water for the trip from the house. After all, those dead vampires won't be needing it. Once we got outside to the very front of the house, the Getting Gay With Kids choir turned back to us to bow down and say their final respects to us.
"I can't thank you kids enough for saving us from the vampires." Ms. Stevens turned back to her children. "The only gift we have is the gift of music."
Stan put his hands out. "Um, we're good. I'm not trying to be rude, but we kinda have to get going now."
Ms. Stevens laughed. "Alright. Children, say goodbye to those five. They saved our lives."
"Thank you! Bye!" Most of the kids waved goodbye and began to hike down the cliffside road, but one kid stayed behind. That kid was Kelly.
"I can't thank you enough for saving my life, guys." Kelly turned to Stan. "Stan, when you see Kenny again, tell him I said hi."
"Alright, I'll make sure," Stan nodded.
"How do you know Kenny?" Wendy asked.
"We used to have a long distance relationship, but we haven't spoke in months." Kelly sighed. "I really miss him. I want to see him again. He's a great person."
"I'm sure you'll see him again, he's out there," I reassured.
Kelly looked up to us. "Who's the rest of your friends, Stan?"
Stan introduced all of us one-by-one. "This is Ray, this is Cole, this is Cole's twin Isaac, and this is my girlfriend Wendy."
"She's your girlfriend?" Kelly cooed. "Aw, that's so cute!" Predictably, this caused Stan and Wendy to blush.
"Do you kids need a ride somewhere?" Ms. Stevens asked.
"Actually, no, we already have one." Ray pointed to the parked Prius next to us.
Ms. Stevens blinked her eyes several times. "Um, ok then."
Ms. Stevens and Kelly then began to walk down the driveway, but before they reached out of sight, they turned back ones more and waved. "Bye! Good luck, children!"
After they were out of earshot, Wendy was the first one to speak. "Kelly seems like a really sweet girl. But choosing Kenny? Really?"
"Hey, comeon," Stan sighed. "She seems to be really into Kenny."
"I know..." Wendy didn't say anything more, she probably didn't want to offend Stan.
That being said, we took the Prius in the same manner we took the police car yesterday - Ray sprayed water into the keyhole, froze the water to form a key, then use that as a substitute for Stan to drive, since he's the only one with driving experience. And without another word, Stan not-so-smoothly backed out of the parking stall, turned not-so-smoothly the car around to face down the road, and drove down. When we reached the intersection, we saw the bus of Getting Gay with Kids one last time and we exchanged our waves and goodbyes. Then the bus headed left to the south while we headed right to the north.
It was pretty great though. We did another good thing for once, and this time we did save innocents like proper heroes - even if it were somewhat by accident. And of course we killed the bad guys. And mind me, those weren't just any vampires, those were Twilight vampires, even though it resorted to Stan reflecting two powerful spells. But if we can take on vampires, we might be able to take on anything.
Nothing can stop our march.
I left some details on Kelly ambiguous on purpose - my goal is for this story to take place after the events of season 19. Problem is is that season 19 is going on currently as I write this story, which is why I did my best to avoid any and all mention of season 19 material. Because for whatever reason, I keep thinking Kelly is going to show up in season 19 when realistically there's probably a 0.01% chance of that ever happening.
Except for Ethan having the last name "Stkrdknmibalz" - that's pretty awesome.
In Twilight, vampires and shapeshifters are natural enemies. Druids can shapeshift in WoW. The reason why Ethan Stkrdknmibalz treated and reacted to Cole much more poorly than the rest of the characters is because vampires can sense shapeshifters, but he confused a druid with an actual shapeshifter from Twilight.
By the way, there is no major character from Twilight.
