Well, here it is. This is easily the longest chapter I have ever written in this fic.
Chapter 23
It was a whole 'nother world out here. A gorge we appeared in made of beautiful pine trees and green grass paved the obvious way for us. The stars in the dark blue sky shone brightly as four auroras swirled upwards in a spiral galaxy formation, giving off enough light for us to see without requiring any flashlights. The land itself is rich and vibrant, despite the permanent night, the ground full of multiple colors of flowers. Statues overlooked the cliffsides of the gorge, and they consisted of people.
This was Sovngarde.
"Wow, this is beautiful," Wendy remarked, gazing at the landscape. "I'm glad I could be here with you, Stan."
"Me too," Stan beamed.
"Keep your eyes and wits about you, children," Harbinger warned, "the Sol Lighthouse was a test of your friendship. Here in Sovngarde is going to be a test of your skill and combat prowess, from now until when you're done fighting Terrorblade."
We first walked down a flight of stone stairs starting off in a narrow rocky gorge, but the path would converge into a wider gorge. Green grass populated the landscape. However, dead bodies of knights and wizards were everywhere on the ground. The knights' armors were cracked and crumbled, and the wizards were riddled with bullets, fragmentation wounds, and third-degree burns. It was pretty clear that the monsters that were supposed to guard Sovngarde were easily overpowered. Then again, if I recall, the SEAL Team 6 was a special ops force, so this is probably nothing we've ever dealt with before. We caught sight of two men in green camouflage fatigues, black helmets, ski masks, bulletproof vests, and silenced assault rifles, so the six of us hid behind a bush to see what they were all about.
"I joined the Seal Team 6 to shoot up terrorists, not this," the soldier on the left said.
"We've got our orders," the soldier on the right replied.
The soldier on the left shook his head. "Yeah but how come we always get the shit jobs? Go clean out the barracks. Go round up civilians in their homes. Go into some magical pony land and guard against intruders. Fuckin' sucks! And shooting children? Really?"
"Hey, kiddo, these children aren't ordinary children. They're something special. They've got magical powers for Christ's sake, and one of them is Dovahkiin." Funny, we're special now? "Just do as your told, and keep your eyes and ears out for the pink haired kid, ok?"
"Sir." The left soldier saluted the right soldier.
Just then, I heard a furious whirl from right above me. I looked up and there was a scout helicopter attached with two miniguns on each side on the front. "Shit!" Harbinger took to the skies after the helicopter. "I'll meet you at the Hall of Valor!"
I watched as the two soldiers immediately raised their weapons and began to fire upon Harbinger. On a nearby tree stump was a small radio box. "Alright, this is our chance," Stan whispered softly. "Wendy, you're up."
Wendy nodded, and immediately after she sprang out from behind our bush and did the Avenger's Shield - she lighted up her shield with holy light, and threw it at the right soldier, bouncing to the left soldier, then ricocheting back to her. Stan then immediately charged at the right soldier with high speeds and made a downwards mortal strike onto the right soldier.
"Contact! Contact!" The left soldier raised his gun and begin to fire at Wendy, so Wendy raised her shield to mitigate the damage.
"Ah! Fuck!" A bullet tore through Wendy's left abdomen, so she raised her hand up in response to bless herself with a Hand of Protection, causing her to glow with purple light. The left soldier tried to shoot Wendy again, but the bullets went through her and exploded onto the ground beneath her. Then two frostbolts made contact with the side of the soldier's head. I began to toss bolts of nature at Wendy to mend her bullet wounds. Then that made me realize - if Wendy had placed a Hand of Protection on me when I fought Trent, I wouldn't have been stabbed, and this was like when Wendy forgot she could heal. Sometimes, it feels like Wendy is less-than-competent in World of Warcraft, and it shows here.
Then again, I'm sounding like a hypocrite here since not once have I used my bear form against Trent.
"Taking fire!" The left soldier pulled out a red grenade and pulled the pin, causing it to engulf in flames. "Incendiary out!" Stan saw this coming so he jumped out of the way right as Isaac joined the fight hacking away at the right soldier. Meanwhile, the left soldier threw the grenade onto Wendy, causing her to burst in flames because the Hand of Protection did not protect her from fire damage.
"Ah! Help!" Wendy panicked and ran back towards me. I immediately tossed another nature bolt at Wendy and immediately after the flames on Wendy dispersed into nothing. "Ah. Thank you. I didn't know my Hand of Protection doesn't protect from those flame grenades." Wendy was covered with mild burns and a bullet tear, so I began to mend her by putting my hands on her abdomen.
The next thing I knew, both soldiers were already downed. One soldier was covered with permafrost while the other had wounds from weapons and earth spikes. Stan, Isaac, and Ray were both gasping for air. "Jesus Christ!" Stan complained. "And I thought light elementals were hard."
"Navy SEALs are trained for operations like these," Wendy replied. "They're the best of the best America's got to offer." Well, Wendy's not wrong. This trip is awful. First, we have to fight zombies. Next we have to fight light elementals. Then, we had to fight Trent Boyette. Now we have to face spec ops soldiers. Of course, it was just two soldiers armed modestly with assault rifles and one carried an incendiary grenade - imagine having to fight multiple later. At least if we can take them on, we can take everyone on, right? Just kidding, we will still have to deal with Terrorblade.
"Ugh, this is terrible!" Isaac complained.
Suddenly, a voice came from the radio on the tree stump. "McKinley! Ramirez! What's that I just heard? Are you there? Do you copy?" That made a rock form on the bottom of my gut. What am I going to say? What can we say? If the SEALs don't hear anything, they'll think something's up. But if we respond, they'll know something's up.
Wendy quickly slid over to the soldier that was cut by weapons to examine him and check his dogtag, then dashed over to the radio. In her best imitation of an adult male voice, she cleared her throat and responded to the radio. "Uh, James Ramirez reporting, everything is fine, roger."
"Are you sure?" The radio emitted a little bit of static. "We thought you might need some assistance, so we're sending a patrol your-"
"No!" Wendy gulped and looked back at us, her eyes filled with terror. She then faced the radio. "Sorry, sir, um, it was just a bunch holy knights and wizards. You know the sort, don't waste your men because there might be a floating..." Wendy looked back at us with terror flashing in her eyes. She mouthed a few words without making a sound. Stan mouthed a few more words silently then shrugged furiously. "...floating...space gryphon..." Stan closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Come again, Ramirez? Did you just say a floating space...wait...what the hell is that?" There came some yells, screams, and gunfire from the radio. "Ramirez! McKinley! Retreat back to the castle and help us breach it! We'll hold out as long as we can!"
Another voice came out from the radio. "Suppressive fire! Suppressive fire!" Then the radio went static.
Wendy turned to glare at Stan. "Stan, what the hell was that?" she inquired in her normal voice. It was probably based off Stan's reaction.
"For a second, I thought you were giving away Harbinger...you know what, I'll just keep my mouth shut. We should hurry." Stan shook his head. Wendy gave him a look of worry, but neither said anything more. It was probably for the better that neither argued, we're running out of time after all. Wendy went over to the cut soldier's body to steal a walkie-talkie, then the five of us continued onward.
The pathway made a 90-degree left turn towards another narrow passageway between two cliff faces. The path ascended slightly, then descended with more stone stairs. Then the pathway made a perpendicular fork with a small stream that ran to the left going into some glaciers. Well, no going that way. Looking to the right was a hole small enough for water to pass through because there were remnants of an avalanche that blocked off most of the gorge, and gunfire rang from upriver, but that's where we needed to head. Wooden bridges criss-crossed the big gorge going towards the upriver direction, and the cliff walls over the gorge were at least nine stories tall, so it's a long way down. Fortunately, there was a stairway directly across the stream from us that went upwards into a frozen glacier. "Up the stairs to the glacier it is," Ray said. The water was cool, but not too cold, but now my feet are wet, so it will feel like I'm carrying extra weight on my shoes. Then we ascended the stairs.
From directly ahead of us spanned yards of a lake frozen over. Ray looked at us then shook his head. "Let's not go that way." We looked to our right to see a wooden staircase ascending into a wooden platform leading onto a wooden bridge. This must be how we can get to the criss-crossing bridges, which is probably the way we need to go. As we went onto the first platform, the mini radio that Wendy carried with her began to squeak. "McKinley! Ramirez! We request your assistance at the castle!"
Stan had the book out again. "Ok, uh, this is also a guide through Sovngarde, and it says here that we'll eventually have to go a castle. But we can't go through a castle with all those soldiers guarding it."
Wendy looked at us for a moment, then back at the mini radio. What she said next almost wanted me to smack her in the face. "Uh, negative. Um...McKinley and I both caught sight of Dovahkiin." The rest of us facepalmed. "McKinley is down, I repeat, McKinley is down!"
"Seriously Wendy?" Stan said in annoyance.
"Where is he?!" the radio ejected. "Didn't you just tell us everything is fine?!"
Wendy ignored us. "He's back at the entrance to Sovngarde. I didn't see him the first time, you know. You know where that is, right? Do you copy?"
"Copy."
I gazed across the bridge that led to another wooden platform embedded into the cliff wall of the other side of the gorge, and sure enough, I saw five SEALs rappel down to the gorge floor with ropes armed with assault rifles. I couldn't believe it. Wendy somehow managed to trick the soldiers into getting off the platforms. "Wow."
As the five of us began to cross the rickety bridge, Wendy then began to speak with annoyance. "Stan, can you just get off my back for one moment?"
"I thought for a second you were gonna give us away!" Stan panicked.
Wendy glared at Stan. "Now why would you think I'd do that?"
They might think this is another boyfriend/girlfriend issue, but this is more than just that. I do understand why Stan is panicking, and quite frankly, I'm on the same boat as Stan. What Wendy forgot is that this is a life-and-death scenario and she's in direct control of the radio, so if she says the wrong thing, we'll all be found out, and we'll be done. "Wendy, you do know how serious this is, right? You do know why Stan feels this way, right?" I too was really nervous about the situation to be honest, but I tried to compose myself the best I could.
"Cole, I have it all under control." However, from Wendy's tone I can tell she did not say this with 100% confidence. This wasn't her usual egotistical, confident self, I can tell she's beginning to doubt herself, and it made sense, I don't think any of us have been in this kind of situation before.
We reached the second platform to find another bridge spanning to a third. From there, more soldiers rappelled off the platform. Stan put his left hand on Wendy's right shoulder. "Hey, I shouldn't have doubted you. Are you alright."
"Yeah," Wendy gulped. Then she put her right hand on her forehead and sighed in frustration as we go to the third platform. "Ugh, I don't know. The problem is that I don't know how long I can keep up this crap before the SEALs eventually find out. And you know what SEALs are capable of, right?"
"How do you know all about the SEALs?" Stan asked.
"I don't know that much," Wendy replied. "I just know that they're supposed to be the best of the best the U.S. Military can offer. I also know this because politics and military stuff sometimes go hand-in-hand. But you know why I'm doing this, right?"
"Because we'll get shot," Stan replied.
Wendy nodded. "Yep. We can't charge in head on or they'll shoot us down. We have to split them up so we can get to the castle because we can't take them all on."
"I'm sure it would have been more helpful if all of you knew all of your spells and abilities," Ray mentioned. "Like honestly, there's been many times where maybe a Cyclone or perhaps a Hand of Whatever could have made life easier. I'm not trying to be an elitist here."
"Ray, we're all tired and we aren't used to fighting," Stan exhaled, "and besides, they can just shoot us down."
"Sorry," Ray closed.
I walked over to a table on the fourth platform to see five pieces of paper, each with our name on them. "Hey guys, come check this out." My friends came over to my table to read what each paper had said, so we flipped through one-by-one.
Wendy Testaburger - Paladin. Prefers to fight with a shield and sword. Uses her shield and holy powers to protect her friends and fight up front. Dealing with her isn't hard, keep her locked down with flashbang grenades, smoke grenades, and incendiary grenades. Avoid her taunts as she will likely want you to attack her so that her male friends can dish out the damage.
Stanley Marsh - Warrior. Uses a two-handed sword to fight. For a kid, he is very strong, fast, and agile, and can perform supernatural maneuvers like making grown men run in terror, reflect non-physical projectiles with his sword, and cause debilitating wounds. The best way to deal with him is to fight him head on and keep him down with a taser. A knife fight may be necessary.
Isaac Dimmons - Shaman. Prefers to fight up close with two axes but can also summon elemental magic against his enemies. He can easily tear you apart if he gets up close, but he can also close the distance by transforming into a ghost wolf. Can deploy totems for extra magic effects. Shoot him before he gets close and destroy his totems.
Cole Dimmons - Druid. Uses nature magic and can also transform into a bear or cat for better combat capabilities, but often prefers to stand back and heal his friends with nature magic. Because of his ability to mend the worst of injuries, kill him first. Flush him out of cover with incendiary grenades and take him out with a high-caliber sniper rifle.
Raymond Irvington - Dovahkiin/Mage. Likes to pelt people from afar with frost magic but also can use arcane and fire. Also summons a water elemental to help him. DO NOT KILL THIS CHILD. Bring a taser to knock him out, and make sure to dispatch his friends.
Man, of course they want to kill me first, of course they want to kill the healer first. Every video game - what do you do? Kill the healer. Jokes aside though, this is really disheartening to read. They really mean to send an entire spec ops force after five children that one man could easily shoot down. Also, as demonstrated on the Sol Lighthouse Aerie, even though the five of us have WoW powers, we can still die fairly easily. Wendy scanned each paper over, her voice showing that her confidence has more-or-less drained away. "M-my God. T-they've got entire military dossiers on us."
"Wow, they really take their job seriously," Stan quivered.
"Let's keep it together, they're nothing but bullies, right?" Isaac is trying to boost our morale, but it wasn't enough to detract from the gravity of the situation at hand.
Ray rolled his eyes. "Bullies who mean to shoot us down, yeah, sure."
"G-guys, let's focus," Wendy said, but with less confidence than usual.
My eyes wandered off to what's upriver. About sixty yards out the river came from a cave imbedded into another cliff wall, and on the right side of the river was a rusty elevator that went about five stories up. On the top was a single soldier who pushed a button for the elevator to go down. He wasn't on the platform though, and about ten other soldiers were on the platform that descended from the top of the cliff wall to the river floor. When the platform reached the bottom of the gorge, the soldiers immediately began to march downriver. "Guys, get down," I warned.
The five of us hid behind a wooden plank as we heard marching down the river. We waited for twenty seconds until we were sure that we could hear them no more. "Ok, now here's our chance," Stan said. He lept from the plank first and the rest of us ran after him. All five of us began to sprint towards the rusty elevator, but the soldier on the top already began to raise it. "Shit, we're gonna miss it!"
"No we aren't, hold on." Wendy pulled out her walkie-talkie and began to impersonate Ramirez again. The five of us stopped at the bottom of the elevator pulley. "Hold that elevator, soldier. This is Ramirez speaking. I'm injured, I need medical assistance now. Copy?"
A staticy voice came from the radio. "Roger."
The platform began to lower itself again, and when it reached the bottom, we all got on. No more than ten seconds later did the elevator begin to raise itself. Stan unsheathed the sword from his back and turned to us. "Hope you guys are ready to kill some bad guys." I nodded and cracked my knuckles in response. The rest of my friends readied their weapons and Ray summoned up another water elemental. The looks on my friends' faces made it clear they were as nervous as I am, nevertheless, we don't really have a choice now, but at least we got rid of a substantial amount of opposition...for now.
"Hey Wendy," Stan said.
"Yes?" Wendy replied.
"You did pretty great tricking the soldiers," Stan answered.
Wendy gave Stan a heartwarming smile, making Stan blush. "Thanks, hon." Hon? Haha, this is the part where everyone laughs because Wendy used a term of endearment to Stan.
Or, well, would normally laugh, but when the elevator we were on got to the top of the cliff wall, we were greeted immediately by the SEAL who was manning the elevator pulley on the right side. "Ramirez sir! Are...shit! You're not Ramirez! Contact! Contact!" The soldier immediately raised a submachine gun at us, but Stan and Wendy immediately charged at the soldier. A few simple sword strikes were all it took to bring down the soldier, who could not retaliate since he was caught by surprise.
"I have eyes on the enemy!" I looked to my left to see who spoke, and sure enough I saw a three SEALs on different wooden platforms embedded into the narrow waterless gorge ready their weapons. Fortunately, there were lots of rocks, tree stumps and tables to use as cover, so the five of us immediately got down as they opened fire. Isaac and I hid behind a rock
"Crap, we're trapped!" Isaac yelled.
"Incendiary out!" I peered to see who was speaking and there I saw a SEAL further down the gorge towards the left throw a ball of flame, likely another incendiary grenade. Meanwhile, Ray and his elemental were pelting that soldier with ice spikes.
"Stan, look out!" Wendy shrieked.
It seemed like the trajectory of the grenade was heading towards Stan, so Stan did what he did best - he got up from the tree stump he hid behind, brought his sword behind his back like a baseball bat, and when the grenade reached Stan, he swung his sword at the grenade, causing it to reflect back to the soldier who threw it, and when the grenade reached the soldier, who was currently covered in frost, the grenade exploded on the soldier. "AHH! HELP!" The soldier burnt to death within a matter of seconds.
"Sweet!" Stan said. I can always count on Stan to reflect spells.
The five of us ran under bridges and platforms as the remaining two soldiers tried to fire upon us. One soldier was on a left platform while the other was on a right. Isaac, Ray, and his water elemental went up a bridge to the left platform to take on that soldier while Wendy and Stan went up to the right platform. On the left platform, the soldier pulled out his knife and tried to swipe at Isaac and Ray but both jumped back. Isaac then did the Stormstrike, striking the soldier with both his axes engulfed with lightning while Ray threw two Ice Lances at the soldier's face, downing him. Wendy and Stan took turns distracting and attacking the soldier on the right platform. The soldier desperately pulled out a pistol to shoot him, but the sword attacks staggered him so he could not get off a good shot, and he laid there bleeding on the ground.
"We're all good?" My friends nodded at my question. None of them were hurt, so they jumped off the platforms and we continued up the canyon.
The path took a dip to the right, then curved to the left in the original direction forward. From there there was a clearing followed by a huge bottomless rift that led across like a river. On the other side of the rift was an old stone castle that the soldiers on the radio must have been talking about, and there was large metal bridge that connected our side to the castle side, large enough to turn the bridge into an actual road. Nonetheless, I looked across the bridge to see two soldiers standing guard in front of the castle door. Dead bodies of holy knights and wizards (presumably the guardians of Sovngarde) littered the front yard of the castle. There was some amount of lawn in the front yard. "We're too late," Ray said.
"Not too late, but we should hurry." Stan turned to me. "Oh shit, one of them has a sniper rifle. Um, Cole, go into stealth and see if you can take one of them out. Ray, you're gonna have to do that fart where you direct it to explode at a certain place." Wait what? Stan wants me to go into stealth to sneak attack someone?
"The Sneaky Squeaker?" Ray asked.
"Yeah, that one, now go." Stan nodded.
Ray cupped his right hand under his ass and farted into it. He threw the ball of fart so that it exploded on the right side of the courtyard. We then heard conversation. "What the fuck was that?" one soldier asked, who carried a shotgun.
"I don't know, sounds like a fart," the other said, carrying the sniper rifle.
"Check it out," the first said.
The other soldier with the sniper rifle nodded and began to move towards the right side. That was my cue. I immediately turned into a cat and dropped into Prowl (stealth) and crawled up to the castle gate where the staying soldier stood. The soldier, carrying the shotgun, looked at my direction when I was a few feet in front of his face. He then took a closer look. "I've got movement!"
But I gave him no time to react. I immediately pounced on his face, stunning him and bleeding him while he stood there dazed. His heart was then impaled by a frostbolt, and ice lance, and a water bolt. I then heard another shout, this one coming from the other soldier. "Need support now!" I looked to the right side of the courtyard to see the other SEAL aim a sniper rifle at me. Shit!
I immediately began to dash to the left side to reach a large rock and hide behind there, but I heard a very loud gunshot followed by me feeling a large bullet snag me in the hind left leg. "AH! FUCK!" I screamed. I stumbled behind the rock and shifted back into a human to see a large bullet wound, and I wasted no time beginning to mend it with nature power. To say "it hurts like a bitch" is an understatement; the feeling of a sniper rifle bullet tearing through my calf nearly paralyzed me in shock.
"Get him!" I heard Wendy yell. I heard another sniper rifle gunshot go off, but I didn't hear a bullet make contact with anything. Then I heard ice and steel meet flesh and a grown man scream until no more.
I healed myself, but I was very slowly mending the wound. "Goddamn, this hurts...this hurts so much..." I nearly wanted to cry.
Isaac came to my aid just in time. He examined me for a second, then placed another healing hand on my left calf, his filled with elemental water. "You'll be fine, dude." Wendy also came to help out with healing my leg.
"Jesus Christ, dude!" Stan said. "How are we gonna take them all on?"
The radio on Wendy's belt then began to rumble. "So...Ramirez. I found your body with McKinley's, but someone took your dogtag. Impressive how you fooled us, Dovahkiin, how you distracted us all back to the entrance to Sovngarde only to get ambushed by guardians and the Devourer." The Devourer he was referring to is probably Harbinger. "But no matter. I know one of you have the bomb, you kids left a little loose end. South Park Police contacted us. You terrorists are going down." Then it was dead silence. It left an eerie in all of us. Us...terrorists? "Do you know who I am?"
Wendy, in her normal voice, took the radio with her right hand and spoke nervously into it. "Who is this?"
"Matt Parker, or the guy the Devourer blew me off the roof. Wanna know how I lived?" What? I thought he died. But that backpack he had on...no. It can't have have been a parachute, could it? "I parachuted down. Enjoy your day, you little brats." Then there was silence again.
"Hello?" Wendy asked into the radio. But there was no answer. "Oh no. Oh God." Wendy chucked the radio off the cliff. She then stopped healing my leg and sat down on the ground.
Normally it would have taken three minutes to heal me, but because I had three people healing me, it only took one, so I could easily walk again. "We have to hurry," I said.
"Right," Ray nodded. He walked towards the front door of the old castle and examined it while we followed him. He looked up and down for a moment before turning to us. "I think it is time I do the Nagasaki - the far I did to that boulder to get to the Crab People, remember?" Yeah, I remember, but I don't really have anything to add, and based on how silent everyone else is, no one else had anything to say. He examined it once more then faced his backside to the door. He sucked in air into his anus and all of a sudden, a loud rumbling could be heard from him, but when he released, the gate did not budge. "Crap! That didn't work."
"What do we do now?" Isaac asked. What can we do? Ray's most powerful far won't work, and I have nothing else in mind. We all looked at each other. Ray, Isaac, and Stan only carried a look of lost and confusion.
Wendy, however, had a growing smirk. "There is one thing I nearly forgot until now." She put down her sword and shield to the ground then swung her backpack to her front to open the main compartment. She took out what appeared to be a small black box with a 0-9 keypad, like the one used for phones. It was the C4 she had carried throughout the entirety of our trip from when we stole the police car back in South Park to head north. She flipped over the bomb to read the sticky note on the back. "The code is 7355608. T-45...what does that mean?"
"Maybe it explodes in forty-five seconds?" Stan asked.
Wendy nodded. "Yeah, that could be it." Wendy walked up to the front gate and knelt down to deploy the bomb. She entered the code in then set the bomb on the ground. The bomb began to beep slowly and a flashing red light was illuminated from the bomb. "Bomb has been planted."
As Wendy retrieved her shield and sword, Stan spoke up with dread while pointing across the bridge. "They're here." I followed Stan's finger to see about five Navy SEALs readying their assault rifles at us. Why only five? I thought there would be more, unless Harbinger and the guardians took care of them already. That would make sense.
"Run!" Wendy began to sprint to the rock I previously hid behind, and the rest of us followed her. As we got behind the rock, gunshots rang through the air and the soldiers began to shout commands at each other.
"Enemy spotted!"
"Let's get this done!"
"Let's move out!"
"We're Oscar Mike!"
We heard the soldiers approach our general vicinity, but they did not go to where we hid, even though they clearly know we are. No, instead, I peered to see a soldier kneeling down on the ticking bomb getting out pliers to try to defuse the bomb. The bomb began to tick more rapidly as time passed. "Oh no, they're gonna defuse the bomb," Isaac moaned.
"I can't get a good shot at them, they'll kill me!" Ray complained.
"There's one thing I can do." Stan reached behind his own back to pull out an orange Frisbee. He then chucked it at the enemies' general direction with a heroic throw. I peered out of the giant rock again to see the trajectory of the Frisbee, and sure enough, it nailed the bomb defuser in the left jaw, knocking him down.
However, I did hear a bullet tear through someone followed by Stan's scream. "AH! SHIT!"
"Stan!" Wendy cried. I looked to see Stan slamming his back next to my left side gripping his left shoulder in pain.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
Of course, the voice of a SEAL distracted me "Incendiary out!" A second later, an incendiary grenade exploded a few feet in front of us, leaving a circular path of fire in its wake.
"Holy shit!" Isaac cried.
"Elemental, get the bomb defuser!" Ray commanded. The water elemental threw a waterbolt, then it was shot up and died immediately after. I peered out again to see the waterbolt hit the bomb defuser. Sweet. I really hope that's long enough to prevent any defusal attempts before the bomb detnotes.
"Cole, a little help here!" Stan's voice took me aback. I looked at him as he revealed to me a bullet wound in his right shoulder. Oh shit, I got distracted. It was like that one time with the recent "ad-epidemic" where everyone (including myself) kept getting swarmed by ads on the internet.
"Sorry!" I began to use both my hands to mend Stan's bullet wound with nature power, as per usual.
The bomb was ticking extremely rapidly as a soldier grumbled. "Shit! I can't find my pliers!"
"Just pull the strings with your hands you moron!" another yelled.
"Ugh, I can't believe I'm stuck on a team with these losers!" a third complained. Haha, this is exactly like playing Counter-Strike right now.
Wendy peered her head out and groaned. "Oh no, they're gonna defuse the bomb."
"Wendy, get down," Stan warned, and Wendy did as told.
Then five rapid beeps sounded out, then nothing else. For two entire seconds, nothing but wind could be heard, no gunshots, no frostbolts, and the flames laid out by the thrown incendiary grenade from moments ago faded away into nothing. Then, all of a sudden, an explosion shuddered the ground, making us jump. Chunks of rock and stone fell from the sky around us. After a few seconds, we popped out from behind the rock to see what happened, and surely enough, ash covered the broken gates and the SEALs were no more, completely vaporized. "Holy shit."
"Guess you could say...the terrorists win," I smirked.
"What?" Stan asked.
"It's a Counter-Strike joke," I replied.
"I'm feeling fine now, thanks dude." When Stan said that I took my hands off his shoulder. The wound was nearly completely mended.
The five of us went over to the gate, now a giant hole in the castle wall. We looked at each other as Ray summoned up another water elemental. "So...I guess this is it. You guys ready?" The rest of us nodded at Ray. "Alright. Let's do this."
There were holes in the ceiling of the old castle, so there was enough skylight to light the room without needing any flashlights - just barely though. As a whole, the interior of the castle was exactly like I expected, and exactly what would be expected of a crumbling castle exterior. The old stone walls were beginning to fall apart, there were piles of concrete on the floor, and the pillars that held up the room are broken down. The first room we were in was a rectangular room. In the back right corner was a doorway.
"Woah, what is this place?" Wendy asked.
Stan went over to a beam of light and flipped through the book The Truth of the Stick of Truth, but he shook his head. "I dunno. Doesn't say." He put the book away in his backpack.
"Let's just keep going," Ray said.
We walked up to the doorway only to realize that it was being blocked by a pile of wood. I turned to the others and shrugged. "Drat. What do we do now?"
The rest of us turned to stare at Ray, and so Ray gave us an annoyed look. "What?" I wonder if Ray realizes that he should do a Dragonshout, as that thought just occurred to my head.
"Aren't you gonna fart at that pile of crap right there?" Stan pointed at the pile of wood blocking the doorway.
"What? Oh, yeah. Right." Ray walked up to the pile. He turned around, and made a lout fart, blasting away the wood. "Alright, cool."
The five of us went into a dark narrow hall. It went upstairs and twisted to the left. At the end of the hallway was another room where we could hear moaning. A lantern lit aflame hung from the ceiling, revealing two giant leeches who were sitting on top of some kind of liquid.
"Giant leeches?" Wendy softly groaned. "That's disgusting."
"What is that water they're sitting on?" I whispered.
"Yeah, I'm not touching them." Stan brought out his hands while shaking his head, telling us "no way".
"Hanging lantern...there's one thing I can try. I wonder if that is oil or gasoline or something they're sitting on." Ray cupped his hand under his ass and farted into it. He then released the cloud, causing it to fly towards the hanging lantern. When the cloud touched the lantern, it broke, causing flaming ash to fall to the ground. The flaming ash lit the liquid on fire and causing it to explode, making me realize it the liquid was gasoline, so since the leeches were on the oil, they caught fire and were burn to death within a matter of seconds.
"Oh my..." Isaac had his hands over his mouth in awe.
The flame lasted for no more than a minute. Then we crossed the room through another doorway leading into a hallway. At the end of the hall was another room, and this time there was a single giant stone golem. We watched it walk around in the room that was alit with torches. When it turned its back on us we saw cracks in the back. "So the weak spot is the back," I whispered.
"I know just what to do. Follow my lead." Ray cupped his hand underneath his ass once again then let loose as small cloud. He blew on it and twirled his hands, so the cloud floated to the other side of the room next to the doorway and exploded there. The golem made a grunt and went to check out the explosion, thus turning its back on us. "Throw a ranged attack at the back."
Simultaneously, Ray threw a frostbolt, Isaac threw a lightning bolt, I threw a solar wrath, Stan threw an orange Frisbee, and Wendy threw a burst of light. All five of our projectiles converged onto the golem's back, causing a massive explosion and the golem to groan and crumble into pieces of concrete thereafter. "Haha, that was awesome," Stan laughed.
We went into the next hallway, and as this one circled left, there were candles on the wall. The thing is, the candles began to sing, catching me by surprise. It was light-toned and innocent for now.
"Look away."
"Let me burn."
"I'm trying."
As we walked, Stan gave Wendy a puzzled look. "Wait, the candles here sing?"
"Yeah, I'm confused too," Wendy replied. We we kept walking forward, the candles sang more, this time darker-toned and more menacing.
"Wrong way."
"Turn around."
"Lost?"
"Cole, this is scary," Isaac whispered admittingly to me, his voice quavering with fear. I have to agree with Isaac honestly, but it's not like we can turn back now. We've gotten too far already.
"Walk faster guys," I urged, and my friends obeyed.
What caught me out of guard next is that that candles began to spew fire at us. "What the fuck?" Wendy yelled. The five of us immediately began to run as rain of fire came down on us. We were fast enough that the fireballs missed, then we got into the next room.
The next room was completely empty and there was no doorway on the other side; instead, the wall on the opposite side was partially crumbling and cracked, with some pieces of the wall missing. The ceiling clearly had a large hole that revealed the Sovngarde sky, so we were definitely near the top of the castle. Ray walked up and took a good look at it, then turned back to us. "I don't know if we're supposed to be in this castle."
"Well we kinda followed the path, and it took us here," Stan pointed out. He is right, we did follow the only possible path.
"Well, at least here I can do the Nagasaki." Ray turned around and sucked in air into his anus, causing the ground to shudder. Then, when Ray released the fart, it caused the crumbling wall to explode.
The broken wall revealed a balcony to the outside, and at the end of the balcony was a bridge that led across a rift to another canyon that was wider, had shorter cliff walls, and grass on the ground. The thing is, is that at the end of the balcony was a fat African American man. With his back turned towards us, he had on a red T-shirt, blue jeans, brown shoes, and a chef's hat on his head. As we walked closer to this person, he turned to us and revealed a heartwarming smile underneath his black beard. "Hello there, children!"
"CHEF?" Stan, Wendy, Isaac, and I all dropped our jaws in surprise. It was our previous cafeteria chef back in South Park Elementary, whose real name is Jerome McElroy. He left South Park to join some "Super Adventure Club", who turned him into a pedophile. When he tried to turn against the club, he was killed. Now he's here...in Sovngarde.
"Chef? He's a chef? Or is his name actually 'Chef'?" Ray was clearly puzzled since he doesn't know Chef. To be honest, I don't ever talk with Chef, and as far as I know, Stan is one of Chef's favorite children. That said, usually, in school, I would just wait in line, get my food from Chef, and leave. Isaac and I rarely every exchanged words with Chef, and if we did, we would just say "thanks". Honestly, back then, I never thought much about Chef at all, but he has done alot to help South Park, and in retrospect I regret ignoring him and not getting to know him.
"Yeah, we call him 'Chef', and he was our school chef before he died," Wendy said, "he was a great guy."
"Chef?" Stan walked up to examine Chef. "H-h-how? How'd you get here?"
"Stan, this isn't a time for sweet talk. Come closer children." The five of us walked up very close to Chef. He knelt down to our height and began to whisper in a soft tone.. "Children, listen to me very carefully. I need-"
A sultry, feminine voice came out from behind us, interrupting Chef. "Who is that, Jerome?" Catching me by surprise, I reacted by turning around. Out of the darkness whence we came walked forth a black-haired woman with a buttoned shirt and black shirt. She was probably in her early twenties and beautiful beyond belief, with lush cheeks and a cute face like my mom's. Unfortunately, since she is here in Sovngarde, she's likely dead.
"Oh no!" Chef made a scared reaction, likely eluding to the fact that she's a bad guy or something.
"Jerome, why are you...wait a minute..." The woman walked up closer to us, and I heard Wendy gulp. She faced an angry glare in my direction, but not at me. "...you!"
"Um..." I watched the confidence and blood drain away completely from Wendy's face as she stuttered, unable to make any coherent sounds. I'm sure there's a reason Wendy's acting this nervous, and given this isn't usual of her, and given the woman's reaction, I have a sneaking suspicion that the woman is out for some retribution, much like Trent Boyette earlier today.
"You! I know you!" The woman walked up closer to us as Wendy nervously raised her shield. "Wendy Testaburger! You remember me, right? I'm Ms. Ellen, or, according to you, Maqesh Alaq Makaraqesh!"
Wendy began to cry. "Ms. Ellen...I'm sorry..." It made sense now. The moment Ms. Ellen revealed her name, I immediately remembered spying on Stan's and Wendy's date two nights ago when Wendy confessed to Stan that she had Ms. Ellen shot into the sun because she was jealous how Ms. Ellen stole Stan's heart. Which from an outsider's perspective can sound quite messed up depending on how Ms. Ellen really felt about Stan and reacted to him - that part, which I don't know.
"You're a stupid, insecure whore, and you're also a prick, that's what you are, Wendy! You'll slutshame any girl to further your own gain yet you yourself will act like a slut yourself to get the attention of boys!" Ms. Ellen's words were as angry as her teeth grinding. "I've watched you closely while I was dead in Hell. You had me...wait..." She then flashed a devious smile at the rest of us. "Oh, Wendy's boyfriends. Do you wanna know what really happened?"
"What, that Wendy had Arabs shoot you into the sun because she was jealous?" Stan rolled his eyes.
"Wait, she was the woman Wendy shot into the sun?" Ray scratched his head.
"No, Stan's saying Wendy paid the Arabs to do it for her," Isaac explained.
"Huh." Ray shrugged. "I guess...I kinda know what this means then..."
"Damn right you do, stupid lemurians." Lemurans? I think she meant Lemurs, and even then, that's quite an interesting insult.
"...wait, you're calling us 'moon people'?" Ray asked.
"No, Ray, that's LUNARians," Isaac corrected.
Ms. Ellen shouted at the top of her lungs while stomping her right foot down on the ground. "Will you retards shut up?" Well that got Ray and Isaac to shut up real nicely, and thus, Ms. Ellen's tone became more calm. "Now, I'm sure you're wondering why I'm here. And it's not because of Jerome here, I never gave a shit about him and I never will. I honestly didn't expect him to be at this exact same spot. But that doesn't matter. No, I waited here because I knew you'd be here Wendy, with your jock-asshole boyfriend Stan and...whoever the fuck those three boys are."
"But if you were in Hell...and now you're here..." Wendy pointed around the room and then gasped and opened her eyes. "No...you can't..."
"That's right. Terrorblade promised I'd get my revenge on you." Ms. Ellen began to walk back and forth.
"You're going to ally yourself with the most evil demon in the world just to get revenge on Wendy?!" Stan shrieked. "What the hell is wrong with you?!"
"You're but a sellout," I added.
"You think I asked to be shot into the sun, Stan?!" Ms. Ellen yelled. "Wendy took my life away from me because she was so insecure about her self image, and she still is to this very day!"
"People make mistakes and people do dumb shit," Stan replied, "but please, Wendy's not like that at all. She's improved. She's kind, intelligent, and empathetic."
"Well if that's so that's far too late for me!" Ms. Ellen retorted.
"Can't you let us go?" Isaac pleaded. "We just want to get to Terrorblade."
Ms. Ellen shook her head. "Oh that's not an option, kiddo."
Chef shook his head. "Ms. Ellen, please think about what you're doing. Do you realize what Terrorblade's going to bring to the world? Do you realize what's going to happen if he takes control of the Stick, and takes control of the universe?"
"What do you know? You were just a lowly school cafeteria chef who knows nothing but soul songs and picking up women!" Ms. Ellen spat.
Wow. I get that Ms. Ellen was pissed off for getting shot into the sun by Wendy, but insulting Chef like that was a low blow. He was a really nice guy from what I remember, even though we never really talked, and she had no reason to treat him that way. I narrowed my eyes at Ms. Ellen and intensely glared at her. "Ok, shut up idiot."
"Oh real mature of you, asshole." Ms. Ellen rolled her eyes at me. "I can see Wendy would made such wholesome friends like you while I was gone."
"Coming from someone who doesn't have friends and has to whore herself out, yeah haha, bitch and moan some more, you dumb skank." Ray laughed. "I know you're just trying to distract us with your whore moves."
Ms. Ellen went red with rage from Ray's insult. "You want me to show you a 'whore move'?! I'll show you one free of charge!" She charged forward, lifted Wendy by the collar, and tossed Wendy behind her, causing Wendy to crash into the wall. "Happy, asswipe?" Holy shit, Ms. Ellen is strong. Where did she get all that strength?
I shook my head. "Oh nice going, Ray." Ray just shrugged in bewilderment. Damnit Ray, why do you have to be a snark all the time? And damnit Wendy, why were you so jealous and insecure you had Ms. Ellen shot into the sun for no reason? I swear to God, I didn't think Stan's and Wendy's mistakes would literally be the death of us. They did some really bad shit in the past and now I'm gonna pay for it.
"Oh God, what?" Isaac was stunned from Ms. Ellen's toss. "How did you...how...what?"
Ms. Ellen laughed. "Terrorblade gave me some extra strength and endurance. I'm glad-"
"Aarugh!" With an angry roar, Stan interrupted the conversation by charging at Ms. Ellen with his sword in both his hands. "You bitch!" Stan made a deep Rend downwards through Ms. Ellen's right breast with his sword, causing her to bleed.
"Stan, wait-" Chef started. But it was no use. It's time to spring into action. Isaac set down a Searing Totem to throw fireballs at Ms. Ellen while he himself casted Flame Shock on Ms. Ellen, setting her on fire. Wendy got up to cast down a holy bolt, the spell called Judgement, and Ray began to cast frostbolts.
"Hey cuntface, come here!" Wendy shouted as she lit her sword with light to make a sweeping Crusader Strike onto Ms. Ellen.
A rather crude taunt, yes, but it indeed worked on Ms. Ellen. Can't argue with results, you know? That said, Ms. Ellen turned her attention towards Wendy. She began to rapidly throw punches at Wendy, who blocked it with her shield. I slid around the room clockwise so I had direct like of sight of Wendy, allowing me to heal her from range with healing bolts while Stan, Isaac, Ray, and his water elemental were throwing attacks at Ms. Ellen. But Ms. Ellen was very resilient. Great, another "boss fight".
Then all of a sudden, Ms. Ellen turned her attention towards me. "You. You're the healer." She then kicked Isaac down, knocking him down and stunning him. She then picked him up and threw him at his totem, killing it off. Then she charged at me. Even though I shapeshifted into a bear, she still grabbed me by the neck, clearly displaying her super strength. Then she reached down to steal Stan's sword. "Mind if I borrow that, honey?"
"Hey, give that back!" Stan tried to jump for his sword, but he was too short, and Ms. Ellen was too tall, holding up Stan's sword so he could not reach it.
"Help!" I yelled. However, she then thrusted her sword into me...but I could not feel anything. The sword went straight through me. The next thing I saw was holy light glowing from Wendy's left hand, directed at me. I looked up to see a crown over my head glowing purple. The Hand of Protection was placed on me. "Thanks Wendy!"
"What?" Ms. Ellen kicked Wendy back. "Ok again!" Ms. Ellen tried to thrust the sword into me. However, Stan Pummeled her in the vagina with his right fist, causing her to scream in pain as she fell to the floor, dropping me and Stan's sword. Stan picked up his sword, but Ms. Ellen recovered easily from the shock. Normally, people don't enjoy a punch in the groin, men and women alike, but Ms. Ellen, as stated earlier, gained supernatural stamina from Terrorblade, so she took the punch to the vagina fairly well. Therefore, she picked up Stan and threw him at Wendy as Wendy tried to get up. I tried to act, but Ms. Ellen picked me up again and tried to punch me. Man, why do they always have to try to go for the healer? However, a cloud of arcane seared Ms. Ellen's head and mind, causing her to drop me as she screamed again. Ray seemingly casted Counterspell. He and his elemental continually hurled frostbolts and ice lances. "Ok, I'll just kill you then!" She charged at Ray, but Ray froze himself in a block of ice when she tried to punch him, creating an Ice Block preventing him from taking damage. "FUCKING PESKY KIDS!"
I quickly ran to Stan and Wendy to shift to human form and heal them up as I watched Isaac heal himself up and place a healing totem. I watched as Ms. Ellen tried to kill Ray's elemental, but Isaac immediately got back in action and followed up with a Lava Lash onto Ms. Ellen, causing a burst of flame on her. "Take this, you jerk!"
"Rah!" Ms. Ellen punched Isaac in the face, knocking him back, but Stan and Wendy, partially healed, jumped back into the fray and both of them threw a holy hammer and an orange Frisbee at Ms. Ellen, following up with mortal and crusader strikes.
The Ice Block that imprisoned Ray then thawed. "Go for the kill! Do it now!"
Isaac roared vigorously, giving us a feeling of heroism. I never knew how it felt, but damn did I feel confident now, I feel I could definitely take on the whole world. It was quite refreshing, and it was the feeling I haven't felt in a long time. As I tossed out heals to my friends while they smacked Ms. Ellen around, Ray called out to me. "Gonna need you to do damage too, Cole!"
"On it." With arcane power swirling in my hands, I started out with a Moonfire, then I then let out a Starsurge - three consecutive arcane bolts onto Ms. Ellen. Because we were all faster in our attacks, our damage was enough to quickly down her, and then we stopped attacking.
"Alright!" Ms. Ellen knelt down, grasping her bleeding chest. "I give up! Please don't kill me again!"
I looked at my friends. Then Chef came up to us. "Children, that was impressive. But you have to hurry and get outta here."
"But what about Ms. Ellen?" Wendy asked. "We can't leave her here."
"I'll take good care of her, now go!" Chef commanded.
The five of us walked to the end of the balcony where the bridge to the next canyon lied. As we got on the bridge, we all turned back to Chef, who knelt down next to Ms. Ellen. "Hey Chef...thanks." Stan gave Chef a thumbs up and a smile.
"I'll see you again, children," Chef reassured.
The five of us crossed the bridge. The canyon dipped downward and towards the left, and the pathway widened considerably. Wendy stopped in her track and sighed, and the rest of us did as well after taking note of Wendy. "I feel really bad."
"What do you mean?" Isaac asked.
Wendy turned back towards the direction of the old castle. "It's what Ms. Ellen said about me back in that castle."
"I think I can see where this is going..." I said.
Wendy began to sniffle. "She's right though, Cole. I'm a bitch. I'm an insecure attention whore. I'm a hypocrite, I'm-"
Stan put his right hand on Wendy's left cheek. "Wendy, don't be like this, please." Stan's voice was full of worry.
Wendy began crying. "She's right though, I should never have killed her." Well, on one hand, she did get Ms. Ellen shot to the sun. On the other hand, I don't really know the feeling of jealousy since, as mentioned before, I never had a girlfriend, so I honestly don't have anything insightful to add to this conversation. I just stood here awkwardly.
"Wendy, please don't cry no more, it's not your fault." Stan shook his head. "I was being an insensitive dick to you when she was our sub back in 3rd grade. Wendy-"
There was a whirling in the air, causing Stan and Wendy to fall silent. We all turned towards the old castle again to see Harbinger flying towards us and a helicopter falling towards us. "Run!" I yelled. The five of us ran forward down the canyon, and no more than a few seconds later, we felt a quake on the ground, knocking us down to the ground. I got up to see a helicopter crashed down on the location the five of us previously stood.
And in front of that down helicopter stood up the old man we saw before at the Sol Lighthouse aerie - the big bad government guy Matt Parker, who is now holding a rocket launcher and completely naked, showing off his penis. He was bleeding from the fall damage, but he still stood. "So. Impressive job tricking my SEALs." Harbinger landed down on the ground next to us. "And you, Devourer. You've been a thorn in my side for too long." Matt Parker aimed the rocket launcher at Harbinger.
Harbinger floated in the air with his arms hanging loose and his head feeling dragged and tired. His obsidian skin was beginning to crumble, making it pretty clear he was injured. But he raised his staff up in the sky. "You're a lesser power." Suddenly, a giant vacuum of arcane energy blasted apart the area where Matt Parker stood. Matt's head was fried out, but he did not fall. Kneeling down, he slowly stood up and held out his rocket launcher. "What? No!"
"Haha, I'm not as much of a dumbass as you think I am." Immediately after the words left Matt Parker, he fired the rocket launcher at Harbinger. Harbinger took the explosion, and flame covered his body.
"Arrrarr!" Harbinger yelled in pain. No more than a few seconds later, glowing green smoke was ejected from his body. Harbinger slowly descended to the ground, his entire body crumbling and laying on the ground. "Back...to the oblique...world."
An evil grin overtook the naked Matt Parker. "Now the Devourer falls."
"No! Harbinger! Rahh!" Permafrost oversurged Ray as he fired ice spike after ice spike at Matt Parker while edging towards him.
"Ow!" Ice spikes lodged into Matt Parker's body caused him to scream in pain. "Dovah - what - you - doing?"
"Fuck! You! Asshole!" Ray's elemental rooted Matt Parker in place as Ray called down a comet storm to completely shatter and eviscerate Matt Parker, leaving him but a pile of frozen human guts. "AHH!" Ray then turned back to roar at us, then breathed heavily after.
The rest of us lowered our weapons and didn't say anything. I know how angry Ray is. It seemed that Harbinger really seemed to click with Ray, and now that Harbinger is gone, we don't have someone to watch after us anymore. "Ray..." Wendy put her right hand on Ray's right shoulder.
Ray shrugged Wendy off and turned back to Harbinger's body. He shook his head. "He wasn't always oblique."
Well here it is, longest chapter written so far. I don't need to say anything more since this chapter is already so large. See you next time.
