How long had this decision been rising in him? When was the first moment that he had wanted Kirigiri dead? He didn't know, not for certain… but it had begun long before she'd set the final trial in motion. Had it been the morning that he and Naegi had that terrible argument about her, when she'd turned up walking at Naegi's side just a few hours later? Had it been earlier, when she'd used Naegi's soft heart to force them into that pointlessly cruel separation? Or maybe even before that, back in the moment when he'd found Naegi weak and injured from the mastermind's attack, and he'd whispered that Kirigiri had been the one to send him into that danger.
There were too many moments to count, too much blame piled at her feet to parse through any specific sins. She'd been relentless in her attacks on him, on Naegi, on the fragile bond the two boys had tried to build… with all that between them, of course it had come to this. If only he'd accepted the reality of it sooner, then maybe… maybe…
No. He didn't dare let himself sink into such regret-laden what-ifs. There was only one path left open to him, and he couldn't let idle fantasies distract him. He couldn't fail again.
But it wouldn't be easy. The mastermind had intervened on Kirigiri's behalf once already — he had to assume they would do so again if he left them an opening. They had guns mounted throughout the school, bombs built into however many Monokuma robots they'd made, and who knew what other nasty tricks. And with the security cameras watching every move anywhere in the school, it would be next to impossible to keeps his plans secret. Even if they didn't tell Kirigiri about it, the mastermind would know.
Which meant that all the half-formed plans that he'd considered in those early days before Naegi were worthless. What good would it do to hide his actions from the other students? The only reason to do that would be if he wanted to take on the survivors in a class trial and win the killing game… but the idea of playing by the mastermind's rules yet again made sour bile burn in the back of his throat. Naegi had been so horribly right when he'd said that the other students weren't the real enemies. The mastermind was the only enemy here… and if he played their game, they would be the only winner.
How had Naegi seen it all so clearly, right from the start? Togami could remember feeling scorn at what he'd thought was the other boy's naivete, rolling his eyes and smirking to himself every time Naegi refused to accept the killing game's parameters. It had seemed so obvious that their only choice was to play the game as the mastermind had presented it… but Naegi never had. He'd fought back against the idea of the game from the first moment… to the last. Playing the game now, after everything Naegi had wanted, would be as good as spitting on his memory.
Of course, Naegi probably wouldn't have wanted Kirigiri to die, either.
The knowledge slithered deep into Togami's soul, sheathing his heart with a grimy coat of darkness. Naegi had believed in Kirigiri until the end, trusting her too much to vote against her. Even now, sitting in Naegi's dorm room with murder running through his head, Togami could feel the weight of Naegi's reproachful eyes on him. He wouldn't understand.
No. He couldn't understand… because he was gone. He couldn't see anything that happened now, couldn't feel anything about what happened. Even if Togami's skin crawled with the guilt of disappointing the boy he loved, it was nothing but a cruel illusion conjured by his own mind. Here in this place, surrounded by objects Naegi had touched, breathing air that he'd breathed… it was almost possible to convince himself that some part of Naegi still remained to care for the friends he'd left behind.
Friends… like the girl who'd helped the mastermind orchestrate his murder. Naegi had died believing that Kirigiri was his friend.
Togami couldn't stand it another second. The impossible pressure of Naegi's eyes on him, the thought of everything he might have wanted, the what-ifs and the maybes and the might-have-beens, it was all too much to bear. He'd come to this room for some measure of sanctuary… but there was no peace to be found here.
Somehow he found the strength to raise his head… to drag himself to his feet… to stumble unseeingly towards the door. He had to leave this room. If he didn't… if he stayed here, in a place where he could almost feel Naegi's kindhearted wishes… what might he decide to do?
Stepping out into the hallway didn't offer any relief. Naegi's presence felt further off than it had when he'd felt the boy's sadness at his choices… but there was no happiness in that. Some dark, twisted piece of himself ached to turn around, to lock himself back in the room, to drown himself in the lie of Naegi's existence until reality faded to nothing. There would be an escape of sorts in doing that, a kind of freedom from this nightmare…
But it would leave the mastermind to claim victory unopposed.
He couldn't let that happen, not if he wanted to retain any semblance of the person he was.
The person he'd been. The person who'd let Naegi die.
The opposing thoughts spun round and round through his mind until his head ached with dizzy confusion. He would have given so much to be able to be certain about anything… certain in the way he'd been before Hope's Peak, before Naegi, before failing in every way that mattered.
He felt his feet begin to shuffle forward, carrying him down the hall and away from Naegi's room in some instinctive attempt at self-defense. It wouldn't help… not when Naegi would be just as absent anywhere else in the school… but when one place was no different from another, what did it matter where he went? He didn't bother to stop the movement, letting his feet carry him where they would through the dark and silent halls.
"Think he's going to look for a weapon?"
Junko's bright words crackled through Naegi with all the force of a sudden electric shock. No simple request for his attention could have torn his gaze away from Byakuya's empty eyes — but the cavalier insinuation of murderous intent had him glaring at the girl before he could think the better of it.
"Oh? What's this?" She tilted her head, tapping one finger against her cheek like she was confused by his expression. "Are you upset our game might end so soon?"
Naegi gritted his teeth and did his best to ignore her, turning his attention back to the monitors. He couldn't let himself listen to her — no matter what Junko tried to imply, there were plenty of perfectly innocent reasons for Byakuya to leave the dorms in the middle of the night. Probably he was just hungry, since the confrontation with Kyoko and Jill had stopped him from finding any dinner before the cafeteria closed.
But when Byakuya went past the hall to the storage room without so much as a pause, it seemed clear that no matter how hungry he had to be, food wasn't on his mind.
"I wonder what kind of plan he's gonna go for?" Junko mused, her knife-edged words easily piercing through Naegi's best attempts to block them out. "Make it look like an accident? Frame one of the others? Ooh, maybe he'll fake a suicide, that's always a classic!"
How could she sound so cheerful, so innocently excited, when they were talking about people's lives? Not just anyone, but two of the last people left that he cared for most in the world… and she was talking to him about it like they were nothing more than actors playing out scripted roles in a movie. Like none of it mattered… like caring about it was ridiculous. Was that what despair had done to her?
"Aw, look at that… guess I was wrong. He's not looking for a weapon after all."
Naegi blinked, thrown off-balance for a moment before he realized what Junko meant. Byakuya had made his way up to the second floor, and relief flooded through him when he realized his boyfriend had to be heading for the library. That was good… compared to the many other awful possibilities, it had to be good. Byakuya liked libraries, he found them peaceful… maybe he'd find what he needed there, even if he hadn't in the dorms.
Although considering the state of the library when he'd last seen it, that room might not be very calming just now. Naegi's gaze flickered towards the screen showing the library interior — and ice gripped him, draining the blood from his face.
"Looks like he's going to kill her with his bare hands!" Junko burst into hysterical laughter as Byakuya opened the library door to find Kyoko kneeling in the center of the destruction.
