Togami could see Kirigiri's eyes widen as he spoke the words, her shock plain enough if you knew how to read her expressions. He wasn't sure when he'd learned to see the meaning in the faint changes of her face… but he couldn't deny that the knowledge was there in his head, whispering that she hadn't expected him to say such a thing.
And she wasn't the only one. While he'd never meant to agree to her request for help, he hadn't realized the form his refusal would take until the words had already left his lips.
I would rather die.
It wasn't simple hyperbole, not in a place like this. Every moment they stayed in the mastermind's power, trapped in their nightmarish killing game, the likelihood of death grew exponentially. The only way out was to win the game on the mastermind's terms, or to fight the mastermind directly.
And both options were equally impossible.
He knew now that winning the game wouldn't be any kind of true victory at all… it would only give the mastermind what they'd wanted all along. There was no way he could let that happen… not when Naegi had fought so hard to stop it. Not when the mastermind had killed him for it.
But he couldn't fight the mastermind either, not the way Kirigiri had proposed. If he really did believe her story, if she was telling the truth about what had happened… then this plan of hers was nothing more than the same pattern she'd always used every time she'd worked with Naegi. She'd kept her eyes fixed on her investigation, using the kind boy who'd called her a friend as nothing more than a tool to help her achieve her goals. She'd flung him into the path of danger time after time… and now that he was gone, she wanted to do the same thing to the memory of his death.
Togami wouldn't be part of that. He wouldn't. He'd done far too much to hurt Naegi already, even if he'd never meant to do it. Naegi deserved so much better from two people he'd trusted. There had been a time, not even so long ago, when that wouldn't have meant anything to Togami… when he would have agreed to use Naegi's murder without hesitation. But he'd changed — or rather, knowing Naegi had changed him. Going back to who he'd been would be as good as denying that his relationship with Naegi had been meaningless.
"So you intend to do nothing?"
There must have been some measure of warmth in Kirigiri's tone before this moment, even if it hadn't seemed like it… because these words seemed to freeze the air around them. Her icy glare could have stabbed straight through him, as though she thought she had some kind of right to be angry… as though she'd actually expected him to agree to help her.
"You're going to let this chance slip away — why? Because you hate me too much to work together, even it means staying in this empty school for the rest of our lives?" She stopped short, eyes narrowing sharply. "Or are you so desperate to kill me that you don't want the killing game to end?"
Togami froze. Had that simply been an eerily accurate guess, a mere shot in the dark to see how he'd react? Or had she somehow figured out the real reason he'd followed her to the bathhouse in the first place?
"Don't tell me you thought you were hiding it." She smirked, damn her. He hated that expression so much that his fingers curled with the urge to claw it off her face. He could almost envision using Jill's scissors to —
Jill's scissors — which weren't at his waist any longer.
"Lose something?" She said it as if it were a question — but both of them already knew the answer.
Togami glared at her. "You searched me?"
He hardly even needed to ask. Of course she'd searched his unconscious body, he should have realized as much from the moment he woke up. She was too smart to let such a perfect opportunity pass her by. And it wouldn't be hard at all to find the scissors if she'd searched through all his possessions —
If she'd searched —
His hands flew to the pocket where he'd tucked away the only photo of Naegi that he had. Paper crinkled under his fingertips, yes, but that wasn't enough, that could still be anything. He slid it out gently, careful not to rip or crease the edges, and held his breath as he peered down at the image.
Naegi smiled back up at him, bright enough that Togami's chest ached at the sight.
"What are you doing?"
The sharp spike of focus in Kirigiri's tone sent chills prickling across the back of Togami's neck. His instinct was to snatch the photo close and keep it safe, hidden from the prying curiosity in her eyes — but no, no, he couldn't handle it so recklessly, not when it was the only picture he would ever have. He cut off the motion before it could begin, forcing his hands to remain slow and careful as they cradled his treasure.
And that gave Kirigiri enough time to lean forward and catch a glimpse of the image. A startled frown flickered across her face. "Is that a picture of Naegi? And… Maizono?"
Togami cradled the picture to his chest so that she couldn't see Naegi's face any longer, wishing there were some way to tear the memory of it out of her head. Had she really not looked at it when she'd searched him? If he'd known that, he would never have brought it into the open. What right did she have to see Naegi looking so happy, when he'd been the one to endure Monokuma's rantings to earn it?
"Did you get that from Monokuma?" Apparently Kirigiri couldn't take a hint. "How did he get hold of a photo of those two together?"
"That's none of your business," Togami told her flatly. "This photo is mine."
"I'm not going to steal it," Kirigiri snapped.
"You stole my scissors."
"You mean Jill's scissors?" Kirigiri raised a scornful eyebrow. "I searched you for weapons, but that's all — I didn't touch anything else." Her mouth thinned into a bitter line. "I'd hoped that we might be able to come to some kind of truce."
"Not if you're set on confronting the mastermind like this." Togami eyed her a moment longer, but she didn't seem like she planned to snatch his precious photo away at the first opportunity. With great caution, he slid it safely back into his pocket, securely within the cover of his handbook where it wouldn't be damaged.
"Really? Now you're trying to tell me that's the problem?" Kirigiri sounded like she was reaching the end of her patience. "You would have been happy to work with me if only I'd suggested a different strategy?"
"I doubt I'd have been happy about it," Togami said slowly, a frown creasing his face. It almost sounded as if she hadn't understood what he'd meant to say… as if she'd heard it as a blanket rejection. "I'm certain I would have hated every second of working together — just as you know that you would have. But I could still have done it, if I'd had a good reason." He shook his head. "Although it hardly matters, since our hypothetical partnership would never have survived the revelation that you searched me while I was unconscious."
She disregarded that last statement with an irritated flick of her fingers. "Then what exactly are you telling me? Do you disagree with the plan I proposed? If you have a better idea, I'd like to hear it."
"I don't." Togami didn't particularly enjoy admitting it, but her plan wasn't bad. No… more than that, it was probably the best chance they'd have to fight the mastermind. But that didn't change the fact that he couldn't go along with it.
"Then — what?" She glared at him. "Do you enjoy being difficult? Because the only other reason I can think of is that you —" She stopped short, staring at him blankly as all emotion fell away from her face. "You don't want to leave."
Though the flat words carried none of her usual sharp edged tones, they still cut deep into Togami's heart. He would never have said it — he'd hardly even dared to think it so directly. But she wasn't the Ultimate Detective for nothing, and he'd given away too many clues for her to miss. And now she'd thrown her deduction back in his face, too obvious for him to avoid.
He didn't want to leave.
Or more precisely, he didn't want to live in the world he would encounter outside the school walls. It was a strange feeling, after the weeks of yearning for freedom… but it settled in the pit of his stomach with all the weight of unavoidable certainty. He knew that leaving this school would not end well for him.
"That's it, isn't it?" Kirigiri stared at him like she was seeing a stranger. "You… you actually want to stay here. Even if it means giving up your life outside."
"What life?" The words shot out of Togami's mouth before he could stop them. "Do you think my place in the Togami Corporation will still be waiting there for me after what I've done here? After the whole world saw me fail to —" He stopped, clenching his teeth together until his jaw ached from the pressure.
"The world saw you?" Her eyebrows snapped together. "Do you mean you've seen evidence we're being observed by more than just the mastermind?"
"Oh, a hell of a lot more than that." A bitter laugh bubbled up from the coldness in his chest. "Every single person, every place on the planet — this broadcast reached them all. And that means that even if I leave, there's nowhere I can go to leave this nightmare behind. It will haunt me for the rest of my life." He could see the future now, stretching out in an endless span of bleak and empty days. "If my family knows everything I've done here, if they believe it's the truth… they'll do everything in their power to be rid of me. The only way I would be able to keep my position as heir would be… if I could convince them nothing was what it appeared."
"You mean claiming that your relationship with Naegi was an act?" Kirigiri asked, gaze piercing through him. "I can see how that would be difficult, but —"
"No," Togami cut her off. "It would be easy."
He already knew the words he'd have to say, the attitude he'd have to adopt to make it convincing. It would only take one lie, one simple little lie to make it all work… just say that he'd only been pretending to fall for Naegi as a ploy to make the others trust him. If he said that, every other action he'd taken could stand not as a failure, but as a victory. He could claim he'd had the whole world fooled… and it would take was mocking the connection that he and Naegi had shared.
"It would be too easy," he whispered again, more to himself than to the girl sitting across from him. "And if I leave here… I know that I would do it. If it came down to a choice between telling that lie and losing everything I lived my life to win… I'd do it. And I don't want to make that choice."
"So you're going to stop the rest of us from leaving because you don't have the inner strength to cope with a tough choice?" Anger flashed behind her eyes, and Togami couldn't be sure whether she'd meant for him to see it or not.
"I never said I'd stop you." He glared at her one more time, then began pushing himself slowly to his feet.
"No, I suppose not." Her eyes widened. "You said you'd rather—"
He didn't wait to hear her repeat his own words back at him. He knew what he'd said… and what he'd meant. He ignored the patter of questions she threw at him, turning back towards the pathway out of the bathhouse and back to the rest of the school.
Schedule note: No chapter next week, due to real life obligations. And just as a warning, there will probably be at least one other week in June I'll have to miss as well... I'll let you know when. Next chapter will be posted on Sunday, June 10. See you then!
