"Are you sure this is a good idea, Lizzy?" Mrs. Gardiner asked.
"Not at all," Lizzy admitted. "It can hardly be avoided now, whatever my thoughts."
"At least you're having them now, which I doubt you were yesterday morning, else you would not have gone rambling about on your own," said Mrs. Gardiner archly. "This is not Hertfordshire, Lizzy."
Lizzy had the sense to blush. "Rest assured, Aunt, I will follow standard protocol henceforth. It was marvelously convenient for me to be out when I was, though, was it not?"
Mrs. Gardiner rolled her eyes. "Hopeless," she muttered with good natured exhaustion.
"Doesn't this look well on me?"
Lizzy looked to the doorway to see that one of her cousins had been in her room and grabbed her Gryffindor scarf. "I think those colors look good on anyone," she said with a smile.
"Irene!" Mrs. Gardiner chastised. "Have I not taught you better than to dig through things that are not yours?"
"I wasn't digging, Mama," Irene objected. "I went to see if Lizzy was in her room and this was out on her bed."
"Hmmm," Lizzy said thoughtfully, knowing full well her scarf had been in her trunk, "perhaps the colors of Ravenclaw or Slytherin would suit a devious child such as yourself better!"
Irene blanched at having been called out on her lie and hung her head as her mother began scolding her in earnest.
After sending her child back to the nursery with strict instructions to remain there until further notice, Mrs. Gardiner returned the scarf to Lizzy.
"I am not upset, Aunt," said Lizzy. "Not truly. Irene was only curious."
"Don't go about defending her, Lizzy, I am not in the mood," Mrs. Gardiner cautioned.
Before Lizzy could work at leading her aunt from her sour state, she heard the telltale sounds of someone being let into the house.
Mrs. Gardiner looked out the window overseeing the street. "Do you recognize the horse, Lizzy?"
Lizzy's breathing became shallow and somewhat hurried. Her aunt had been correct with the statement that she had not been thinking a great deal the previous morning. Now that she was to be confronted by the man she had behaved absolutely atrociously to at one meeting and with decided politeness and cooperation the next, she found herself feeling remarkably anxious.
Mrs. Gardiner looked to her niece with a raised brow when she was not joined by the window. "Shall I remain here, Lizzy, or come up with an excuse to leave you to sort out your issues yourself?"
Lizzy was unable to formulate a response before Mr. Darcy was announced. Paler and quieter than usual, she fell back on well-engrained protocol and greeted the man with a curtsey before introducing him to her aunt.
"You have a charming house, Mrs. Gardiner," said Mr. Darcy. His shoulders were noticeably tense as he spoke and his knuckles were white from the grip he had on his hat. His eyes swiveled briefly to Elizabeth before he managed to continue, "I imagine it is conveniently placed for both shopping and Mr. Gardiner's business."
Elizabeth felt her eyes widen as she recognized that Mr. Darcy was attempting to engage in small talk with her aunt.
Mrs. Gardiner, though feeling remarkably smug, did not visibly express such when she responded to Mr. Darcy. As she replied in fashions that gave Mr. Darcy easy opportunities to continue the conversation, he began to relax somewhat. He even went so far as to set his hat down, thus leaving his hands unoccupied. Even so, his pervading discomfort with such an activity was evident to the astute woman.
"Perhaps this might seem an odd question, Mrs. Gardiner, but do you happen to have any tulip bulbs that you would be willing to part with?" Mr. Darcy asked after a few moments. His eyes had shown a renewed tension, and his leg had begun to bounce.
Recognizing Mr. Darcy to have finally gathered enough courage to attempt his goal of speaking with Lizzy in private, Mrs. Gardiner said that she did and asked her niece to tend to the duty as she needed to check on her children.
Elizabeth agreed to perform the requested office, gathered her coat, and led Mr. Darcy to her aunt's garden.
"Miss Bennet," Mr. Darcy said urgently after only a few moments of being outside.
"Mr. Darcy," Elizabeth answered. She looked toward him only briefly before hurriedly grabbing a trowel from its place of storage.
"I – " Mr. Darcy swallowed with difficulty. "Before I even attempt to say anything else, please allow me to apologize for my abhorrent behavior."
"Yours is not the only behavior that has been lacking, Mr. Darcy," Elizabeth said smally. In all her hours of reflection, she had come to accept that not only was Mr. Darcy not so horrible as she had made him out to be, but she had done her utmost to see that everyone of her acquaintance thought as ill of him as she did. "I find myself rather embarrassed by the way I last addressed you. It was – "
"What did you say that was not true?" Mr. Darcy interrupted. He held up a hand to forestall any objection from Elizabeth. "I am still wrapping my head around it all, I will admit, but reflection upon your harsh, though well justified words, as well as further observations from some who know me best has caused the scales to fall from my eyes. I was raised with good principles, Miss Bennet, but have only barely followed the letter of such, and certainly not observed the spirit of them at all. I am determined to begin anew. Should you be willing, I would be grateful for your assistance in the form of continued honesty."
Elizabeth simply stood for several moments as she processed what she had heard. Was this man that she had put down so cruelly truly asking her to continue to do so?
"I understand my request to be one of great magnitude," Mr. Darcy began again, truly looking nervous now. "You are well within your rights to shout at me and demand I never speak to you again. I cannot think of any way possible to justify or excuse the irrational words I spoke against you, but I do so fervently hope you might allow –
Elizabeth put her gloved hand on Darcy's arm to silence him. She felt her blood pulsing through every inch of her body, she was so nervous and uncomfortable. As appealing as the idea of running away and never dealing with this was, she managed enough self-control to say at an appropriate volume, "We both said things we regret, Mr. Darcy. If you are willing, perhaps we might give each other a fresh start."
Mr. Darcy exhaled, released a great deal of tension from his shoulders, and even allowed himself to smile. "I would like that very much, Miss Bennet. Thank you."
Elizabeth flashed her own smile, then held up the trowel. "What particular variety of tulip should you like unearthed?"
Darcy, who had forgotten about his flimsy excuse, laughed.
Cautiously optimistic about their current truce, Elizabeth allowed her lips to spread again in amusement. "Well, Mr. Darcy, you made the request of my aunt. At this point, you cannot possibly leave the premises without that which you requested."
"You are, of course, correct," said Mr. Darcy. "I would have you surprise me."
Elizabeth nodded in acceptance and led the way further into the garden in search of her quarry.
"Would you be willing to allow me to ask you some questions about yesterday?" Darcy asked hesitantly after following Elizabeth for a few moments in silence. He had prevaricated long enough. "I should also hope to satisfy any curiosities you might have." He could feel his heartbeat in his throat. In the past twenty-four hours, he had become more and more confused and concerned by the previous morning's dealings.
"I suppose," Elizabeth answered. She pulled a random bulb from the ground and handed it off. "There. We shall both be surprised when that blooms."
Darcy pocketed the bulb and gestured to a nearby bench. Elizabeth sat and he began pacing.
"How did you manage to calm my sister so quickly?" Darcy settled on asking first.
"Does she often suffer such distressing fits?" Elizabeth asked concernedly. "That must be upsetting, indeed."
"Her fits are, thankfully, becoming less frequent," Darcy answered. "Or at least they had been. Please, tell me."
"I had her breathe with me," Elizabeth answered. "It is a tactic my sisters and I use on each other frequently. I simply placed your sister's hand on my chest and breathed deeply. As she matched me, she calmed down."
Darcy managed to only let his eyes flick to Elizabeth's chest once before firmly fixing them on a nearby tree. "Have you any theories as to what might be the cause of such behavior as she displayed?" he asked delicately.
"I believe the beginning of that episode could be pinpointed to her sighting Mr. Wickham," Elizabeth offered. "I was under the impression he was awaiting transport to his new assignment. What business could he have had being in the area so early in the morning? I cannot imagine his superiors would grant him such liberties so close to his departure date."
Darcy ground an unfortunate rock into the earth as an outlet for some small amount of his rage. "That is a very good supposition, Miss Bennet," he said through his teeth. "It is a question that myself and Major Fitzwilliam are determined to have answered.
"As to what business he might have had in such an area as this so early in the morning," Darcy said uncomfortably, "I fear that business might have been you."
"Me?" Elizabeth asked. She laughed in surprise. "What business could Wickham have with me?"
"Likely, the kind that cannot result from honorable intentions," Darcy spat. He took several deep breaths to try to regulate himself before looking at the curious woman before him. "As I stated, albeit very poorly, once before, Miss Bennet, you are a very pleasing person to look at, which would interest George Wickham exceedingly."
"Oh," Elizabeth said, looking down uncomfortably.
"Wickham is the kind of being that only considers himself and his own desires," Darcy continued. "I hope you might forgive me for being so very plain about the matter, but I know you to be of a strong constitution. Wickham would not have taken kindly to you besting him in that duel, and so he likely thought to find you to exact revenge for his own humiliation by ensuring a humiliation of the most enduring sort for you."
Elizabeth crossed her arms. A shudder went through her that had nothing to do with the cold. She had not liked the way Wickham had looked at her back in Hogsmeade, nor how he said her name with such familiarity. Knowing such thoughts were justified provided no relief. "And so you insisted on walking me back," she said.
"I couldn't let there be the risk of you – of him –"
"Please don't say anything more of that," Elizabeth said quickly, putting her hands to her ears. She did not want any more details of Wickham's intentions, nor was she ready to hear another declaration of any sort from Mr. Darcy.
"I've upset you," Mr. Darcy said dismally after a moment. "Please forgive me. I'll leave you alone."
Elizabeth shook herself of the fear she had been feeling and drew herself back to her full height with a familiar light in her eyes. "You need not be so hasty," said she. "I am upset, true enough, but I would rather be aware of the dangers and on my guard than be caught in ignorance."
Darcy felt a small, prideful smile steal over his face as this familiar version of Elizabeth returned.
"Tell me, Mr. Darcy, what has Wickham done that caused your sister to react so violently to the sight of him?"
Darcy exhaled heavily. He had been dreading being asked the question, but accepted the inevitably and found himself strangely eager to divulge the secret to someone else. Even before he had seen the care Elizabeth had given Georgiana, Darcy had known in his gut he could trust the creature before him with such a tale. "May I?" he asked, gesturing to the bench beside Elizabeth.
Elizabeth hesitated only a moment before scooting to give him adequate room.
"I warn you, Miss Bennet, that this story is decidedly unhappy, unresolved, and one that I have put a great deal of effort into concealing," Darcy cautioned.
"I do not wish to force a confidence from you, Mr. Darcy," Elizabeth said quickly.
"I am not forced," said Darcy. "Aside from explaining Georgiana's struggles, I am hopeful the story will give you insight to my own fears. To be quite honest, those fears have been powerful forces in my life this past year and a half. I would make the request of recounting these events without interruption." As much as his instinct was to hide any sign of weakness, Darcy forced himself to make eye contact with Elizabeth and allow her to see the torrent of emotions therein.
"I will not interrupt," Elizabeth promised with understanding.
Darcy took a calculated breath before beginning his tale. "You are aware, I know, that Wickham and I grew up together. My father was his godfather and supported him at Beauxbatons when he turned ten. I am younger than him and did not go until I was eleven, so he was well established by the time I came. I quickly discovered he was not at all trusted and, almost just as quickly, discovered why. He was known for a whole host of faults and vices. I won't offend your sensibilities with the details.
"I began to distance myself from him, and in fact cut him as much as possible when he began trying to draw me in. Before things between us could become truly problematic, he was summoned back to England on account of his father's health. During Old Wickham's time of illness, his son attended Hogwarts. I have not bothered with making inquiries, but I would imagine he behaved much the same way he did at Beauxbatons," Darcy said with a slight shrug. "In any case, once his father had passed, Wickham stopped attending school under the guise of deep distress, but I knew differently. I knew that, no longer inhibited by his father continuing to draw breath, Wickham allowed himself to be completely swallowed by his vices.
"I considered telling my father of Wickham's depravity, but hesitated because I knew it would pain him to learn his godson had become such a scoundrel. My decision was made firm by the death of my mother upon Georgiana's birth." Darcy could hear his voice becoming devoid of emotion and allowed himself to be enveloped by numbness and continue mechanically. To be numb was easier than to be in despair. He did not let himself look over at Elizabeth. Whatever he saw in her eyes would break him, he was sure. "My father was so distraught over her passing that I feared the news of Wickham would kill him. I consoled myself over hiding the knowledge by the fact that I saw little of Wickham in the upcoming years, though I heard of his dealings frequently enough. I hoped never to have to deal with him again."
Darcy cleared his throat a few times to buy time to brace himself for the next chapter in his story. Mentioning his mother had been difficult enough, but he was not nearly done. "After my mother's funeral, I took a month at home before returning to Beauxbatons, though I was loathed to do so. I knew my father's health would deteriorate rapidly without my mother at his side. As the end of my fifth year approached, I received word of my father's imminent demise and hurried home. I was able to be with him for a full two days before he left this world.
"I had no difficulty making the decision to remain home for the year. Georgiana was only three at the time and needed a family member to look after her. Additionally, I needed to see everything with the estate transferred to my care." Darcy began to feel as though he was being constricted from all sides. Thinking about the magnitude of his responsibilities put him under a great deal of stress. It was only by focusing on one or two things at a time that he kept from being completely overwhelmed. "Wickham appeared not long after the death of my father to discuss the living that had been set aside for him as the parson at a place called Kympton. The idea of him taking up such a role filled me with absolute revulsion, so my relief upon his statement that he did not want to take orders and would accept monetary compensation was great, indeed. I parted happily with the agreed upon amount of three thousand pounds, in addition to the thousand pounds my father intended him to have, and hoped to never see him again.
"After several months, I began to think of the future again, and knew I had to complete my education. I determined I would finish schooling at Hogwarts. I would be closer to Georgiana and home. I also knew it had been my mother's desire to send me to Hogwarts initially.
"She was a woman of great sense, Miss Bennet, and I think she would have liked you exceedingly well," Darcy could not help but deviate from his story. He looked at Elizabeth's hands, which were as close to her face as he was willing to risk at the moment. "She did not see the sense of sending English children to a foreign school, especially since Hogwarts is such an internationally respected institution and its professors lauded by anyone of any sense in the country."
Darcy allowed himself a moment of bitter amusement over what his mother would have said about his abysmal interview with Elizabeth the week prior before continuing on.
"A month before I was to enter Hogwarts, Wickham again darkened my doorstep," Darcy said tightly. He allowed his ever-simmering rage to begin to rise. It was a more secure feeling than the vulnerability that the deaths of his parents brought up. "He somehow managed to exhaust all the funds I had granted him less than a year previously and requested the living at Kympton, as it had conveniently – rather too conveniently, truth be told – become vacant. I refused him, we argued, and he left. I thought that was the end of it. I so desperately wish it had been."
Darcy saw, from the corner of his eye, Elizabeth's hand reach for his. Mercifully, it retreated before meeting its end. He felt certain he would crumble at being on the receiving end of such a gesture from her.
"I left for Hogsmeade, intending to stay a few days to secure a house that I would share with Georgiana and to be evaluated by the professors," said Darcy. He had not realized he had curled his hands over the edge of the bench until he felt his nails object to the strain of being pressed into the tough material. He focused on that physical pain, rather than the mental, as he carried on. "While I was thus occupied, Wickham put a plan into action involving my sister's nanny, Mrs. Younge – in whose character we had been most seriously deceived – and a sleeping draught introduced to my staff's dinner to kidnap Georgiana."
Darcy closed his eyes and dug his nails harder into the bench.
"You needn't c – "
Darcy plowed on before Elizabeth could tempt him to stop. "I received word in Hogsmeade as soon as was possible, but it was too late. I knew not where Georgiana was, nor did anyone else. Fitzwilliam and I searched for a week complete before we received any information. Wickham knew I would be desperate to get Georgiana back. That I would do anything. And he was right. He wanted to make an Unbreakable Vow that I would back him financially for as long as he so desired in exchange for Georgiana's return and his silence on the whole affair.
"Fitzwilliam, thank God, is much more used to life-or-death situations than I am, so he looked at the situation from multiple angles while I was lost to desperate panic," Darcy said with a single sharp chuckle. "We managed to find where Wickham had hidden Georgiana away. All things considered, it is lucky he involved Mrs. Younge or we might never have found him. In the madness that ensued, Georgiana did accidental magic that killed Mrs. Younge and Wickham managed to escape."
Darcy heard Elizabeth's quick intake of breath and could well imagine the sympathy on her face.
"Wickham and I never exchanged another word, but he is not stupid, and neither am I," said Darcy. "We both know that we hold power over the other. I am well within my rights to call him out. He is not necessarily a master at any sort of combat, but he is formidable, nonetheless. Even so, we both know I would trounce him if such were to occur, so he has avoided it. I have hesitated to raise a hand against him for fear he would spread Georgiana's misfortunes, thus making it entirely impossible for her to have anything resembling a normal life."
"And that is why she was so fearful upon seeing him yesterday," Elizabeth said breathlessly, "and why she is uneasy with strangers."
Now that the story had been told, Darcy felt as though a great weight had been removed from his shoulders. He finally looked at Elizabeth's face to see tears had been dripping down it for some time. Reflexively, he pulled his handkerchief from his pocket and offered it to her. Later in life, he would wonder at the fact he did not take advantage of the opportunity to wipe the tears away, himself.
"Georgiana has not been completely at ease with another human since," Darcy said by way of confirmation. "In fact, you are the first non-family member she has willingly interacted with." He bit his tongue to keep from saying anything further on that score. He was incredibly grateful of Elizabeth's earlier offer of a truce and was not willing to risk it by repeating any sentiments from their last meeting in Hertfordshire. Not yet, anyway.
The pair simply sat in silence for several minutes, each processing what had just occurred.
"Miss Darcy's fits," Elizabeth began.
"I don't think she would object to you calling her Georgiana, Miss Bennet," said Darcy. He spoke truthfully, but was also desperate to bring Elizabeth's spirits back up.
A weak smile flickered across Elizabeth's visage, but no hint of it remained thereafter. "Georgiana's fits. Are they related to your private study with Professor Flitwick?"
Darcy pushed himself off the bench and began to pace once more. "Yes," he admitted after a few moments' thought.
"She fears her own magic now, doesn't she?" Elizabeth asked gently. "She's begun to repress it. She's afraid she'll hurt someone else, like she accidentally did Mrs. Younge."
Darcy fell onto the bench again and put his face in his hands. "She has not yet… erupted," he said uneasily after searching for a fitting word, "but I do fear greatly that she is well on her way to becoming an obscurial. For months after the incident, she fell into fits similar to what you saw yesterday anytime she became distressed. She wasn't improving after my care, and I feared I might even be making her worse by serving as a constant reminder of that whole mess. I made arrangements for her to live with our relatives, the Matlocks, until further notice. When I went with Bingley to Hertfordshire, I had only just moved Georgiana."
"And so you were especially out of sorts," Elizabeth mused quietly.
"That is one way to put it," said Darcy. Georgiana had not been pleased to see him go. Her terrified and piercing screams begging him to stay still haunted his nightmares. When he arrived in Hertfordshire, he had very much been doubting the decision to leave her and absolutely wallowing in self-loathing. Georgiana's recovery had been slow and agonizing, but, eventually, he began to receive reports from his aunt relating seemingly insignificant dealings that were actually anything but. Georgiana made eye contact with another person after three weeks. She smiled at her uncle after four. She touched her first living thing, a dog, since the ordeal after two months.
"Oh, how can you ever be willing to forgive me for behaving so abominably to you all this time!" Elizabeth suddenly exclaimed.
Darcy quickly straightened and set his wide eyes onto Elizabeth's face, which was streaked with fresh tears.
"Of course you should mistrust and dislike other people, especially those with whom you are not familiar!" Elizabeth continued. Whether her tears were from sorrow or anger, Darcy could no longer tell. "Look at what was done to you by someone that should have been a close friend and confidante!"
"Elizabeth," Darcy said firmly. Even though he knew he was dealing with a woman on the brink of hysteria, he could not help but enjoy saying her name. "I gave you every reason to think ill of me. Please do not allow yourself to struggle on that score any longer. After all, have we not agreed to begin anew? Was that not your suggestion?" he asked, trying to infuse some of the teasing tone he had heard Elizabeth exercise so frequently into his own speech. His efforts were well rewarded.
Elizabeth laughed for a moment and wiped determinedly at her eyes. "You are absolutely correct, Mr. Darcy," she said with a sniff. "I will forget my previous misjudgment entirely and seek new reasons to think poorly of you."
Darcy smiled at the return of Elizabeth's wit. "I shall certainly provide you such reasons. I would not deny any pleasure of yours."
Elizabeth seemed uncertain of how to respond to such a declaration. She fiddled with the handkerchief for a few moments longer before carefully folding it and holding it out to Darcy.
"Please keep it," Darcy offered. "As we are both aware, you women are exceedingly fragile and can burst into tears with the slightest provocation," he dared to tease.
Elizabeth looked quizzically at Darcy for a few moments, then stuffed the handkerchief in her pocket. "Well, if nothing else, I might make use of it as a white flag at some point in the future," she said smartly.
Before Darcy could allow himself too much hope at the idea of what Elizabeth's meaning might be, she stood and announced he had certainly stayed past the acceptable amount of time for a polite visit. He left entirely elated, as she granted him permission to call on her again.
Author's Note
Comments? Questions? Concerns? I'd enjoy addressing them. -wink wink- -nudge nudge- -coughreviewcough-
