A/N: Hi guys! Thanks for sticking with me :) And if there's anyone new, welcome!
A couple shoutouts before we begin. A big thank you to my beta reader for this chapter, Miri, for editing and giving me suggestions.
FullTimeWriter, aly2.0, EmmaCarstairs01, CarolMS, Miss Meep, OGiles, isabellehealy734: Thanks for all of your kind, encouraging comments on the last chapter! I really appreciate all your support! Thanks for making me smile and keeping me motivated :)
Side note: this may end up being the last chapter that I can post before ACOSF comes out. Currently, I fully plan to continue this fic until its completion (I think it will be around 22 chapters).
I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Nesta sighed as she turned to the next page of her novel.
She was sitting on the sofa besides Cassian, who had spread his wings out to rest them on top of the backrest. His eyes were half-closed as he relished the sunlight streaming through the window, warming his wings.
"Are you alright, sweetheart?" Cassian asked, lifting his head.
Nesta hummed her assent.
Some strands of her hair had fallen loose from her braid and glimmered in the light. Cassian observed her for a moment, his eyes filled with admiration, or perhaps joy, before raising a hand to tuck the strands back behind her ear. His fingers brushed her neck and came to rest on her shoulder. She leaned into his touch.
"I'd be better if Emily would just admit that she's in love with Simon," Nesta replied, giving the book a dirty glance as if it would change Emily's actions.
Cassian let out a soft chuckle.
He watched her as she continued to read — her eyes darting across the page, widening and narrowing in reaction to the plot — until she closed the book. He raised an eyebrow in question, knowing the book still had well over a hundred pages left.
"Oh my gods, I can't believe she's so stupid! I told her not to go there, and she did it anyway! What did she expect? Of course he was mad at her! He doesn't even know about her plans! Why didn't she just listen to me?" Nesta said passionately.
Cassian couldn't help his smile. "I don't think she heard you, sweetheart."
Nesta rolled her eyes but a grin spread across her face. She leaned back against his chest. They sat in silence for a few moments. Cassian's hand gently caressed her braided hair. When his hand disappeared, his lips met the top of her head, placing a soft kiss.
"Have you always braided your hair?" Cassian asked quietly, his voice like a blanket enveloping her in secure warmth.
"I think so. My mother taught me," she recalled. "She used to braid it for me, until I was… six? No, I think, four?" Nesta shifted slightly. "Anyway, after that, I braided my hair and my sisters'." A small smile spread across her face. Although Cassian couldn't see it from his position behind her, he felt it. "They used to love it. Elain wanted me to try all those intricate waterfall braids and lace braids on her. She loved to tuck wildflowers into her hair, too." Nesta chuckled slightly. "Feyre… She loved dutch braids and mermaid braids. Oh, and four-stranded braids, too. I remember that she'd always ask if I could braid a ribbon into her hair. Mother hated it because it was unladylike, but we did it sometimes if she was away." Nesta tilted her head. "Actually… I think Mother allowed it for Summer festivals when we were very young. We'd all show up to the fair with crazy hair — Feyre with multicolored ribbons, Elain with flowers, and me."
"That must've been quite a sight."
"I'm sure it was. The townspeople must've thought the merchant's daughters were crazy, but we didn't care about all that back then." Her shoulders tensed. "My mother did, though."
"Did you keep braiding your sisters' hair?" He asked, steering clear of the topic of her mother, which seemed to distress her.
"I did, for a while. Of course, there were no more ribbons when we were older, since we sold everything that could get us any money." She paused for a few seconds, considering what to say, before continuing. "They had learned to braid it themselves by then, but they still asked me for special occasions."
Cassian's arm wrapped around her and his hand came to rest on her stomach.
"I'm sure she'll love your braids," he murmured.
Nesta went unnaturally still. "I hope so. There's not much else I can do for her."
Cassian wrinkled his brow. "What do you mean?"
"I'm sure you know that I wasn't the best older sister to Feyre. Or to Elain, really. And you know how crappy my life was back when I lived at my old apartment." The 'and was drunk' went unsaid. "Clearly, I'm barely able to take care of myself and my track record shows that I'm even worse at taking care of others."
"Nesta, first of all, you were a child when all that stuff happened with Feyre and Elain. You were barely older than them. It wasn't your fault."
"But I should've-"
"Maybe, but you were so young. You've grown since then. Didn't you help Khoniya? And Brielle? And Saibh and Riona and Cian?"
"That's different."
Cassian continued, undeterred. "Also, yes, you had a hard time with all the crap you were going through. I should've been there for you-"
"I pushed you away and said horrible things-"
"-but I wasn't and I'm sorry. But Nesta, look at you. You got yourself out. You're brilliant and strong. You got yourself a job and friends." He sounded as though he were in awe. "Look at you, Sweetheart. You did it all yourself."
"Cassian…"
"You're going to be an amazing mother, Nesta." He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her from behind. She leaned her head against his shoulder.
"I don't even know what a good mother is," she confessed quietly. "I love my mother, but she's not- I don't want to be the kind of mother she was."
"I don't know how to be a dad either," Cassian admitted. "I don't even know who my dad really was. My mom…" He sighed. "I love her, but that's really all I'm sure of. I barely remember her."
They sat in comfortable, contemplative silence for a few moments.
"I want to be a warm, caring mother," Nesta whispered, "but I'm not a warm person. I'm full of sharp edges and words and I'm scared that I'll end up accidentally hurting her."
"Maybe you're not always warm, but you care deeply. Our daughter will know you love her. And you'll teach her to be strong," Cassian replied. His eyes fluttered closed. "Nesta, I don't even know… I've never been around kids. The only ones I know are the ones who I occasionally train in the camps and I don't want to be so... rough and militaristic around her but I don't know how to be anything else."
"You're not militaristic around your family," Nesta answered.
"No," he agreed. "Around them, I crack inappropriate jokes. That certainly isn't happening in front of her."
"You're not rough around me," she said, looking up at him. "Cassian, just be yourself."
"I can't-"
"Cassian, you're kind and caring and infinitely patient."
"I'm not patient."
"Okay, well, you're forgiving then. Don't say no. You have to be one of those things, or you wouldn't be sitting here with me after all the things I said to you."
"And what of the things I said to you?"
"Maybe I'm forgiving too," Nesta said with a smirk. Then her eyes turned serious again. "Cassian, you're going to be an amazing dad."
He sighed. Then, he pressed a kiss to her neck. "We'll try together."
"Together," Nesta repeated in answer and her voice sounded like birdsong, indicating the end of a long harsh winter.
"And that concludes the formal part of today's meeting," Khoniya announced. "Unless anyone has anything they'd like to add?"
Riona nudged Nesta, drawing her attention away from Alizeh who had decided to start a discussion about how the informal courses they had set up were going. Nesta followed Riona's gaze to the corner of the room, and let out a small chuckle. Cian and Iridiana were sitting next to each other, holding hands in a way that they probably thought was discrete but was actually glaringly obvious. They kept glancing at each other every few seconds. It was clear that their focus was certainly not what was going on in the meeting.
"Do you think I should tell Alizeh to ask what Cian thinks?" Riona said in a conspiratory whisper to Nesta.
Nesta smirked, but replied, "Let them be. They're quite adorable."
Riona rolled her eyes playfully. "Urg, don't tell me you've become sappy too. I can't be the only one with any sense left."
Nesta raised an eyebrow. Had Riona realized what was going on between Saibh and Brielle? It certainly wasn't Nesta's place to reveal any secrets but perhaps Saibh had told Riona herself.
Riona seemed to interpret Nesta's expression correctly and snorted.
"No, they haven't said anything, but they're even worse at hiding it than Cian and Iridiana. I mean, look at them."
Brielle and Saibh were on opposite sides of the room but were gazing lovingly at one another, a slight blush coating both of their faces. They seemed to be communicating through a series of expressions and mouthed words.
"I don't know, I'm not sure anyone could be more obvious than Cian and Iridiana," Nesta countered.
The two teens had now seemed to completely abandon any semblance of discretion and were now kissing. Avidly.
And now they were making out.
"Cian's lucky Saibh's busy with her lovey-dovey staring contest," Riona muttered. "If she saw him, she would've killed him. She doesn't want any baby nieces or nephews roaming around, especially while we're still living with Khoniya."
Nesta snorted playfully.
Riona glanced at her sister and then at the teens, before gagging violently.
"I can't deal with all this mush," she said, as though the word mush meant torture.
Nesta nudged Riona as she noticed a new fae starting to talk.
"Thank you all for letting me join," the fae with silver hair, copper skin, and golden eyes said. "For those of you who I haven't talked to yet, I'm Zorina, Senara's sister." Senara was a female who had been coming to meetings for the past two months. "I live in the Dawn Court. Things are slightly better for non-high Fae there than in Night, but there is nowhere for us to get to know each other. And there is certainly nowhere that half-high Fae or even full high-Fae who want a place to go can interact so freely with non-high Fae. It is so nice for you to have such a space and community." Zorina's smile turned wistful. "I must admit that I am sad that I must return home soon. I wish we had such a place in Dawn."
Nesta watched as fae exchanged meaningful glances with each other. Then, suddenly, Arnav stood up. "Would you like to set up such a place in Dawn?"
Zorina blinked in surprise before nodding. "I would, but I have no idea how."
"I can help with that," Khoniya chimed in. "It really isn't as hard as you'd think."
"We could help you get it started!" More voices joined in, excitedly.
"My daughter lives in Dawn. She was actually mentioning to me how much she wished she had a place like this near her."
"Oh, my nephew lives there too!"
"Okay, first, you need to find a space. It's better for it to be a larger place in case more fae join later, but you could just find a temporary space when you start. Then, you need to spread the information. We can help with that as well, if you'd like."
"Did you start out with this many fae, or did most of them join later on?"
"No, no, we actually had less than 10 fae show up, but then we actually used flyers…"
Nesta screamed as Cassian whispered the word "BOO!" into her ear.
She turned around in her chair and glared at him but Cassian's attention had already shifted to the item — well, items — in her hands.
"Why, sweetheart, you don't have to be ashamed of your reading habits in this house," he smirked.
"I'm not ashamed of anything!" she retorted, though a slight blush and smile crept onto her face.
"No? Then why exactly are you hiding your smut inside a pregnancy book?"
Nesta merely narrowed her eyes as Cassian grinned. He peered at her book again.
"He thrust inside her again and again, his hard member hitting a spot that made her see stars and explode in pleasure," he read aloud.
Nesta slammed her book — books — shut.
"That's not very realistic," Cassian said with a shit-eating smirk. "Most females require clitoral stimulation to reach an orgasm."
"Our baby can hear you, you know!" Nesta was visibly blushing now.
Cassian chuckled. "It's just human anatomy, sweetheart. But for what it's worth, you were the one who started it, reading that dirty book in front of our daughter. I mean, it's not even realistic sex ed."
Nesta spluttered. "She can't see what I read- it's not- just- shut up."
Cassian leaned down next to her ear and whispered, "If you were looking for some pleasure, you could have just asked me."
He straightened and turned to get a cup of water in the kitchen.
Nesta, tired of blushing like a child, stood up silently and quipped, "Would you have said yes?"
It was Cassian's turn to be startled. "What?"
"If I'd asked," she took a step towards him, the corners of her lips upturned at her newfound advantage in their verbal spar, "would you have helped me?" Their eyes met, their gazes filled with both intensity and playfulness.
Cassian moved closer, taking one step. Then another. His hand caressed her cheek as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I would do anything you wish." His voice sounded like gravel as he spoke quietly, intently.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
Their lips met softly, but since they were Cassian and Nesta, the kiss quickly grew passionate. Her hands wrapped around his neck and his encircled her waist, pulling each other closer. They kissed and kissed and most likely would have continued to kiss if Nesta hadn't pulled away with a wince.
Cassian snapped out of his blissful daze, becoming concerned at Nesta's reaction. "Are you alright? Are you in pain? Or was it- if you don't want to do anything, we don't have to. I don't want you to feel pressured if you were just joking or-"
"Cassian," Nesta interrupted firmly. "It's fine. I just felt… something." She patted her swollen stomach.
Her blue grey eyes met his worried hazel ones once more, and she smiled. "I think she's just happy."
"Are you sure, because-"
Nesta grinned, gently pulling Cassian's neck down once more. "Won't you kiss the pain away?"
"Pain? Wha-"
Nesta pushed her lips against his once more, effectively silencing him. Her hands moved to the roots of hair, her fingers gripping the soft strands. Cassian made a sound halfway between a growl and a moan. Nesta wondered absently if that was why it was called a groan. The thought evaporated as one of his hands cupped her ass. Their kiss grew increasingly heated. Nesta let out a sensual moan and was about to move one of her hands to the waistband of Cassian's pants when he pulled away, gently but suddenly.
Nesta's confusion only grew at the expression on his face. Nesta tried to think of a reason he would look so alarmed, but her brain seemed to have been turned off at some point during their make out session.
"Nesta, sweetheart, I know I make you wet, but, um," he trailed off, glancing down. Nesta followed his gaze to where her water had just broken.
Fuck.
She probably shouldn't be cursing at her daughter before she was even born, Nesta thought absently. She probably should have been excited to meet her, and she was, but did her daughter really have to be born now, when Nesta had finally been getting some action after nine months of hormonal abstinence?
"Nesta? Nesta? Are you listening to me?"
"What?"
Cassian's voice had lost all traces of his usual joking, flirtatious manner and instead seemed panicked. "Where's the parchment to contact Healer Galen? Do you want to lay down? Are you-"
Nesta walked over to the side table next to the sofa. Picking up a pen, she wrote on the communication parchment in her usual, neat handwriting:
Hello,
My water just broke. Please come quickly.
Thank you,
- Nesta
"Don't you want to sit down? Aren't you having contractions?" Cassian asked, hurrying over. Nesta rolled her eyes at his fussing. "Calm down, Cassian. I guess I am having contractions." She had just mistaken it for her daughter's painfully strong kicks (and also suspected indigestion). "It doesn't even hurt that much."
Nesta cried out in pain and Cassian resisted the urge to do the same.
Healer Galen had arrived swiftly, bringing along a special bed that where the top half could also be lifted to create a chair-like structure. The first few hours had gone fairly smoothly, but then Nesta had started whimpering in pain. Feeling helpless, Cassian had whispered soothingly to Nesta. After an hour (which felt like ten), Healer Galen had performed some magic on Nesta to numb her pain. A few hours later, Nesta was back to gasping in pain. Cassian had volunteered to let her hold his hand and was now facing the consequences. He wondered briefly whether Healer Galen was qualified to reset bones.
Nesta cried out again.
Nesta had never been someone who openly showed her emotions. Cassian knew that whatever she was displaying was merely a fraction of the pain she was in.
"Isn't there anything else you can do?" Cassian demanded desperately.
Healer Galen shook her head. "I'm sorry, but right now we just have to wait."
"There's really nothing else?"
Healer Galen nodded apologetically.
"Can I at least feed her something?"
"She can't eat right now."
"Well, what can I do?"
"SHUT UP CASSIAN," Nesta yelled, crushing his hand once more. "This is all YOUR FAULT you know."
"I'm so sorry, Sweetheart," he replied, wiping her sweaty forehead.
"This one really hurts," she whispered. Her voice sounded so frail, so unlike the fiery Nesta that he was used to, that a piece of Cassian's heart seemed to break. Right along with his fingers, as Nesta clenched them once more.
"Is it almost over?" Nesta pleaded.
"You still probably have about five hours left," Healer Galen replied.
Nesta slumped tiredly. "Five hours? I can't- I can't do this."
"You're doing great," Cassian answered.
"No. No, I can't, Cassian." Nesta's hand started to shake and her eyes darted rapidly across the room, panicked.
"Hey, hey, Nesta, look at me." Her eyes met his. "Good. Now take a deep breath with me. In."
Her chest rose with his command.
"And out. In. And out."
He repeated his command until Nesta's panic subsided.
"Thank you," she whispered after a few moments.
"I should be thanking you. You're the one doing all the hard work, bringing our daughter into the world."
Nesta gave him a half smile before settling into a painful, tired silence.
The next few hours blurred together. All Cassian could do was sit there, offering her his hand and his words of encouragement. He hadn't felt so powerless since he was a child, unable to stop his own mother's suffering. Watching Nesta, one of the strongest females, no, one of the strongest fae he'd ever met, scream in pain made him wish there was a way for him to help her. His desperation grew as he wiped away the tears gathering at the corners of her eyes.
"Alright Nesta," Healer Galen announced, "you're fully dilated now. You're going to start pushing soon, alright?"
Nesta let out a ragged breathe but nodded. Her hand was still gripping his, but it felt too tired, too limp. And she was supposed to start pushing a baby out of her soon? Who the fuck had decided that pushing a child out of a tiny hole was a good idea?
"Okay, deep breath Nesta. Good, now, push!"
She scrunched her face in pain, leaning forward, and pushing with all her might.
"Good, now stop. Deep breath. Wait, wait, wait. Now. Push!"
Her screams triggered something deep inside Cassian — something he hadn't dared to touch until now. He reached for the string in his gut, the one he tried to pretend didn't exist for so long. He took a deep breath and grasped it. It felt as though a door had opened, the connection between them unbarred. Then, he took the the wonder and admiration he felt at her continued efforts to bring their daughter into the world, the strength she gave him to face any hardship as long as she was by his side, and the excitement he felt at becoming a parent — becoming a parent with her — and he sent it through the bond.
She gasped softly and turned her head to meet his eyes. Her face lit up and she gave him a genuine smile that pulled his heartstrings and made him want to pull her into a tight embrace and never let go. He wanted to kneel down and worship her like a goddess just to make her want to smile like that again. He wanted to kiss her and pour every bit of his emotions for her down the bond and watch her realize the depth of his affection for her. Instead, he wiped her brow and pressed a tiny peck to her cheek.
Time seemed to go faster after that.
Nesta kept pushing, and pushing, and pushing, and then all of a sudden the baby was in Healer Galen's arms — a bloody, gooey, crying mess.
Cassian felt as though he were in a dream he was afraid to wake up from as he cut the cord. Healer Galen took the baby — his daughter — to clean her up.
When Cassian turned back to Nesta, he realized that she was still in pain.
"What's wrong?" He asked, panicked. Was there some sort of complication? Or- No. It couldn't be twins. They didn't have enough supplies for that. They didn't even have two cribs!
"It's just the placenta," Healer Galen explained calmly while washing the baby. "It should be over in a few minutes."
Sure enough, a few minutes later, the placenta and the contractions finally left Nesta's body. She slumped on the bed, exhausted.
Healer Galen walked over to them, holding their daughter, wrapped in a white cotton blanket, and placed the baby in Nesta's arms.
Cassian and Nesta stared down at the bundle. Cassian felt his heart expand as he looked at her, their beautiful, magical, miracle. Their child.
He looked up at Nesta, whose eyes were filled with such joy and peace that Cassian wanted to week. He looked at them, his girls, and wished he could freeze this moment and bask in its glory forever.
But as Nesta caressed their daughter's dark hair, Cassian was reminded that the best was yet to come. He had never felt this happy in his entire, 500 year life, and he was so full of emotion that he felt as though he were about to explode.
His face was adorned with tears of joy and his truest smile as he leaned in closer to his daughter and whispered, "Hello, Adira."
A/N: Thanks for reading!
BTW, Adira is pronounced as Ah - deer- ah (like, the word "add" + "ear" + "ah")
Please leave a review (let me know what you thought of this chapter! Reviews really motivate me!)
Follow / Favorite to get notified when the story updates. (I update about once a month)
Thanks again :)
