The sound of her alarm jolted her awake, even as her whole body felt exhausted and heavy. Her eyes felt swollen shut, a likely consequence from her crying herself to sleep. The memories of last night returned to her, and while she knew the answer in the back of her mind, it didn't stop her from rolling over to find Jay's side of the bed empty.
Hailey knew from the beginning that the whole night was a bad idea, and Jay had said so too. But her mom had nearly begged, and she supposed one night in a public place would be enough to satisfy everyone involved for the next few months.
How wrong she had been. They had barely been at the restaurant for ten minutes when her dad made his usual comments about how they didn't come see he and her mom enough, and how her brothers and their families put in effort to visit every month or so. The look on her mom's face was something of apologetic, knowing exactly why Hailey and Jay didn't come around as often as her brothers did.
It was when their salads arrived that he made a comment about her drinking. She had been two glasses of wine in, not caring to share about the shots she had done before they left. Apparently, she was drinking too much for a woman, and Jay's hand on her thigh was the only thing keeping her from strangling him.
Their actual dinner had been okay when Jay and her father started discussing how the Bears and the Blackhawks were doing. Hailey considered herself lucky she had married a guy as into sports as Jay was, because her dad always had some game on growing up, and she knew that hadn't changed to now.
But the worst was at the end when they paid the bill. Jay offered to pay, even if neither of them really wanted to, but it was another thing that would hopefully placate her father for now. She could have died right there when her mom asked the question, and even if Hailey wanted to kill her in the moment, she knew her mom meant it innocently.
"So, you've been married for almost five years," her mother had asked, and Hailey knew the next words that would come out of her mouth. "Have you talked about kids?"
She hadn't dared to look at Jay, not wanting to give her father any ammunition against them. But she never got a chance to answer.
"Your mother had Zachary after we had been married a year," her father had said, referencing her oldest brother. "You came before we hit five years."
She thought over her words carefully while her nails dug into Jay's thigh, silently telling him to say nothing. But her mother jumped in too soon.
"Is it work, honey?" she had asked. "Did something happen?"
She could feel the bomb go off at their table, the other patrons at the restaurant oblivious to the turmoil that was about to happen.
"This is why I wanted you to be a lawyer," her father said. "It's a safe, stable and respectable job. Much better than being a police officer."
"Dad," she began but he cut her off.
"You aren't getting any younger, Hailey," he told her, only causing her blood to boil even more. "Just do your mother a favor and have one grandkid for her okay?"
She was sure she was leaving bruises on Jay's leg, but she didn't care. The bill came at some point and Jay quickly signed it as he stood up, explaining to her parents that they had to run an errand before going home and the store closed. They seemed to buy the lie, neither of them saying anything more as she hugged them goodbye and they drove home.
Hailey pulled herself out of bed, shaking the thoughts of what happened when they got home from their mind. She blindly grabbed clothes from her closet, pulling on her jeans from yesterday and a black shirt. At the last second, she grabbed a green flannel, one that was probably Jay's if she was being honest, throwing it on the bed with her jacket as she made her way to the bathroom.
As suspected, her eyes were slightly swollen, but it was nothing a little makeup couldn't fix. She didn't need people wondering why she looked as bad as she felt, especially knowing Jay likely felt the same way. Despite his absence, the most recent text on her phone was from him, letting her know he was at the district already. It wouldn't surprise her if he slept there, and she knew they would eventually have to talk again.
Just as she finished getting ready, her work phone rang and the caller ID read her boss's name, eliciting a groan from her. It was too early, she felt like shit and was in desperate need of coffee, but duty calls.
"Upton," she answered, putting the call on speaker to give her a few extra seconds.
"Shooting in Randolph Park," Voight said without greeting. "Meet me there as soon as you can."
"Copy that," she answered, walking back to the bedroom to pull her boots on and grab everything else she needed. She started to hang up, but Voight's voice stopped her.
"Jay was the first detective on scene," he told her, and her heart jumped into her throat. "Any idea why?"
"Is he okay?" she asked, ignoring the question.
"Yeah, he's fine, but we own this case now. Again, any idea why?"
Hailey tried to come up with an answer that made sense, that wouldn't land them in trouble because they were having marital problems.
"He was meeting Will for breakfast," she answered, saying the first thing that came to her mind. She made a note to tell her husband and brother in law to get them all on the same page, not that they needed it.
"Okay," Voight said before giving her the address and telling her to meet him there as soon as she could. After the call ended, she threw her phone on the bed harder than anticipated, needing to get a little bit of frustration out. She shot off a text to Will before she left in an attempt to cover her ass. It seemed like such a silly thing to do, but knowing Voight, it could come back to bite them later.
She was out the door minutes later, texting Jay quickly to ask if he was okay. As much as she trusted Voight, she needed to hear it from Jay as well. The night before was setting in as she drove to the scene, and her slight guilt would only increase if Jay was hurt because they pushed each other away.
Their drive home last night was silent, the radio being the only sound filling the truck as they drove through the city. The restaurant had been a good 25 minutes from their house, but it seemed longer as the tension built between them. It was nothing bad, or so she first thought, more awkward than anything else. Jay knew to let her be after being around her parents, knowing she needed time to process the entire interaction before she could get back to reality.
The first thing she had done when they got home was pull her heels off, groaning as her feet were flat on the ground once more. She watched as Jay took their guns and locked them in the safe, something she forgot she stashed in the car along with his before they left. Her bag was left on the kitchen island, not caring about doing much else except washing her face and putting her pajamas on.
She had found Jay in their room, undressing himself and hanging his dress pants and jacket back up. For a moment, she just watched him, taking note of the stress he was harboring and the tension in his body. The evening had rattled him just as much as her, and she wanted nothing more than to go to sleep and forget everything that just happened.
Jay had turned around then, watching her from where she had stood in the doorway, a heavy sigh escaping him. His mouth opened and close a few times like he was contemplating what to say to her. He instead mumbled something about a shower and disappeared into the bathroom before she could say something.
Her mind didn't let her sit on that for long, as she arrived on scene quicker than she anticipated. There was yellow tape and cops everywhere, people she assumed were witness scattered near the building. She spotted Jay's truck instantly and parked behind it, but there was no sign of Jay or Voight anywhere. It didn't concern her yet, so she approached the nearest officer, asking what happened to give her some sense of background. She nodded her thanks before wandering off, making her first stop the ambulance feet away from Jay's truck where a woman was being treated.
She went through the standard procedure, getting her information and asking what she saw and heard. The process was repeated with other witnesses surrounding the ambo, all giving her the same information until she heard their voices. A quick glance over her shoulder gave her sight of Jay and Voight, her husband's vest hanging off his body. She quickly wrapped up her interview before turning around to head towards them. The tension and stress she saw the night before was apparent still, and the sinking feeling she felt inside her told her to keep an eye on him, that this one would be rough.
"Sarge," she said as she approached them. "We have a witness who saw our female victim running inside with a kid. She hid, heard gunshots, looked up and saw the offender running for an exit with a boy over his shoulder."
"Any sign of the boy?" Voight asked. She softly shook her head no, not wanting to answer that question as her eyes flicked towards her husband. Voight looked towards Jay, who looked back at the building he was just in. She could tell what was going through his mind, knowing he was questioning everything that just happened and what he may have missed, all that would no doubt end with him blaming himself.
"So, this is a kidnapping?" her boss said as he looked back at her. She gave her best nonverbal answer, not wanting to voice the answer out loud, because saying it would make it too real. Without another word, Voight turned and left, leaving she and Jay standing by his truck.
"You okay?" she asked, fighting the urge to reach out and touch him. She watched him nod briefly before stopping himself, almost like he knew she would catch him lying.
"Everything happened so fast," he told her, his voice soft in disbelief. Hailey knew they needed to get back to the district before he shut down, knew that if he started working, he wouldn't overthink the whole situation.
"Come on," she said softly, now ignoring the voice in her mind and putting her hand on his shoulder, pushing him towards his truck. "You head back to the district, I'll grab us coffee, okay?"
"I already got us some," he said, snapping out of whatever trance he was in to open his door, reaching in and pulling out a to go cup. "Figured I would have time before work after Adam woke me up at 7:30. Clearly I didn't."
Hailey ignored the piece about Adam as it clicked that he must have slept at the district, but she was grateful for the coffee right now.
"I'll meet you back there then?" she asked, her hand sliding down gently to his wrist. To anyone else, it would just look like two partners comforting each other, professionally on the job after something like this. The only reason she stopped at his wrist and not holding his hand was because it gave her a boundary, one she wasn't ready to cross, not when they hadn't discussed what was going on. The last thing she would ever be embarrassed about was her marriage, or Jay, and that wasn't what this was. They had finally just found a groove with working together, all while their colleagues were oblivious to their real relationship. She didn't want to mess this up so quickly, especially since Voight was turning a blind eye and clearly was unbothered by the dynamic. It would happen one day; they would finally tell their team and hopefully things could remain the same. But for now, she needed to focus on Jay and this case, and then there would be time to talk about everything else.
Her first clue that this was going to be bad was watching Jay analyze the footage over and over. Hailey was worried he would mess up his back from how hunched and tense his shoulders were, and it wasn't long until he fell into a pattern. Jay would watch the video, click something she assumed was a pause button, squint at the screen before zoning out. The set of his jaw told her he was determined, that there was something about this that was different.
The got a break when Voight sent them to get the dad. The drive over had been silent until she opened her mouth.
"What are you thinking?" Hailey asked, avoiding the personal questions altogether. Focusing on that would get them nowhere right now, and the feeling that this was a ticking time bomb was beginning to eat at her more and more.
"Something's off," he mumbled, but it was loud enough for her to understand him. "The movements, the weapons, it feels familiar."
"You said they used military weapons, right?"
"That's the other part," Jay continued, nodding his head. "We're missing something about them."
Before she could say anything else or remind him it's been barely two hours since they caught this case, Jay pulled toward the curb and parked the truck. The brick house in front of them looked too nice to belong to someone involved in dope gangs, but nothing was ever as it seemed in Chicago.
She followed him up the front steps, watching him as she pounded on the door. All it took was one glance at Jay for him to pry the door open silently. The house was eerily silent for someone whose kid was missing, and it made the hairs on her arm stand up. Their movements were quick as they split up, only for her to see Jay's figure come into view as they entered the kitchen.
"Keys and cell phone are on the table," she said, moving to check the backyard before walking back towards Jay. It was then that they spotted it, the opened box sitting on the island. The faint blood on the placemats made her stomach turn, her eyes locked on the box as Jay's gun tilted a flap down.
"Oh, God," she whispered as an ear was revealed, too small to be an adult and confirming what she feared. Despite all of the things she's seen on the job, Hailey was fighting the urge to throw up at the sight. She glanced towards Jay who met her gaze, the set of his jaw back before she glanced around the room.
She heard Jay call Voight, explaining what they found despite not finding the father. The called in the techs, knowing they needed to get as much evidence as they could and track down the father. As she watched the techs search the room, her phone chimed, alerting her to a text from Voight, explaining that Antonio may have a lead and they were needed back at the district. They were the last ones to make it back, and Voight soon appeared from his office.
"So, what do we got on the crew?" he asked as her eyes focused on Jay instead of Antonio.
"Well, these guys are trained, so I ran a query through the VA."
Those words were enough to haunt her as her eyes found a new photo on the board, a picture of a man in a uniform she knew well as it hung in the back of her closet.
"There's 350 soldiers injured with similar age, weight and burn. But only four of them live in Chicago. And only one matches this well, that's Luis Vega, 28, 1st Ranger Battalion."
She took a deep breath to keep her emotions in check, her attention finding Jay once more. She could only see his back as he sat on Kevin's desk and perhaps it was for the best. She didn't need to see the blank look she was sure appeared on Jay's face at the information.
"Luis got booted last year due to an IED injury," Kim explained. "Right forearm burned through. After he got out, he spent three months in South America on contract as security."
"AKA, he did kidnapping and ransoms," Jay added, turning enough so she could see his face, the blank look she suspected there, but just hidden that only she could tell.
"Yep. Height and weight match this guy to a T," Antonio added before Voight spoke.
"We got someone headed to him?" their boss asked.
"Covert car en route, we'll get eyes," Al said from behind them while Jay suddenly stood up.
"Okay, but what's the plan thought?" he asked, walking back towards the center of the room. "Cause we can't grab him up on what we got, and the odds of him talking are not good."
"Plus," he continued, her anxiety that was simmered suddenly growing. "If we spook the crew, we could get this kid killed."
"Well, that's why we get eyes on Luis right away," Voight explained before Jay cut him off.
"Or you put me under," Jay said, and if she wasn't standing in a room of officers and detectives, she would have shut her eyes, hoping that she didn't just hear what she heard. The second the military seed was planted in his mind, she knew deep down it was only a matter of time until it exploded inside him and she would be left to face the fallout as he retreated to a shell of himself.
It may have been the first military case she had worked with him, but she knew what they did to him. Nightmares for weeks, no sleeping for him and at times it felt like she was living with a hollow version of her husband. Sometimes he wouldn't talk more than a few sentences, but it often went away. Sometimes he just pushed it down, but she knew he was only doing so to spare her the added stress.
There was silence in the room after he spoke, almost like no one was believing what he said.
"He was a Ranger, we served at the same time. I can connect with him," Jay continued, all while Antonio began shaking his head.
"That's a bad idea, no. An undercover would only heat him up. We don't have enough info."
"That would be the point," Jay argued, and Hailey knew he wasn't going to lose this argument. "I'd get it."
Voight was the next to speak, asking Al his opinion on Jay's suggestion. The silent answer he gave was how Hailey felt inside, but nothing prepared her for what Voight said next, turning to ask her opinion.
She tried to look anywhere but Jay whose head turned around at the mention of her name. if she looked his way, she would see him silently pleading with her to let him do this, would argue with her that this was the best chance at finding the boy alive.
Before answering, she did glance at her husband, looking him up and down in the most professional way she could, her answer aimed more at him than anyone else. When she looked back at her boss, she could see that Jay had just won, and she would now be left to pick up the pieces when he eventually shattered, all while wanting to protect him from himself as much as possible.
Voight quickly gave orders, sending them throughout the district to get Jay ready. It was somewhat of a surprise to her that he put her in charge of Jay while he was undercover and maybe that would be for the best in the end.
Night came sooner than she wanted, and for the first time since they got the green light on this operation, they found themselves alone downstairs as she wired him up.
"Ruzek will log everything," she explained, even if he knew most of this already. Explaining was her way of taking her mind off it all right now. "I'll stick by you in the field and Antonio will be there as a second."
His fingers brushed hers as he took the mic from her, feeding the wires down his shirt while she adjusted the mic. Her hands found his chest as she adjusted the camera, finding some comfort in the warmth of his skin.
"We'll have eyes on you even if you can't see us," Hailey continued, noticing how Jay's eyes looked anywhere but at her until her fingertips lingered a little too long than was professional on his bare chest and her head was inches from his.
"Why the neutral?" he asked, the one question she was dreading. But she knew Jay, knew he would bring her vague answer up.
"Just been a little concerned lately," she answered honestly, trying and failing to busy herself.
"About what?" Jay asked like he didn't know the answers to that loaded statement.
"About you," she said, looking him in the eyes. "About us. You cover well, but I got eyes, Jay. You sure you're solid?"
The lack of an answer told her all she needed to know, but she could also see that he was retreating from this reality as to adopt his undercover persona. Before she could say anything else, she heard Kevin's voice, catching them up to speed on Luis and now, his sister.
"Let's roll," Jay said, as he started to move. Hailey watched as Atwater left, staying in place for a few seconds before her hand reached out, grasping his own for a moment. In the time while Kevin was talking, she shut the camera and mic off, needing a second with Jay and not wanting this to show up in the log.
"Hey," she said softly, her eyes shifting to find Kevin gone. "Please be careful."
For the first time since last night, Jay's expression softened, his hand squeezing hers lightly from where they were joined.
"I will," he told her. "I know you're looking out for me, but I'm okay. Just shocked at first."
Hailey tilted her head at him, deciding that he wasn't trying to lie to her. The worry and anxiety inside her would be there until they closed this case, but for now, she could only hope that he was really as okay as he sounded.
"I love you," she whispered, the words so soft that she wasn't even sure if Jay heard them.
"I love you, too," he replied, telling her that yes, in fact, he did hear her.
As the case went on, it was beginning to drain her. Not only was she having to focus on Jay being undercover, but she also had to keep her emotions in check around the team. She supposed it wouldn't be too out of the ordinary to appear worried or concerned considering she was his partner, but she felt like there was a line that she shouldn't cross.
Every word she heard on the wire worried her even more than the thought of Jay being undercover. For the first time, she was hearing a rather unsolicited version of what he went through during his time in the military. Over the years, he had told her, and some parts he glazed over, opting to give her a more condensed and censored version. But now, he couldn't do that, not if he wanted to sell this. He had to know that she was listening, but every word broke her heart.
Their last meeting pushed her over the edge, and it had now been about two days since she last saw Jay. She knew they were close, that it wouldn't be much longer until they closed this case, but the events of that meeting replayed in her mind.
"You want us to pull Marcus?" she had asked, confused as to his request.
Jay had explained his reasoning and while part of it made sense, she didn't want to risk it. There had to be another way.
"No," she had said, her mind screaming to let go of the charade. Voight was beside her, and he knew the true extent of her relationship. She may catch shit for this later, but she was putting her life, her marriage, her husband above her job, all for Jay's safety.
He argued with her, his eyes sharp. He was living on adrenaline right now, and he wouldn't be able to control himself if he kept going.
"It means it's too risky," she explained. "You're not seeing straight. You trust this guy, and you shouldn't."
There was confusion and disbelief in his eyes, like he couldn't believe she was pushing back against him, in front of their boss no less. But she didn't let it deter her as she continued, hoping she could talk him off the ledge.
"You went offline at the club, you punched a civilian…"
Jay argued with her more, trying to explain his actions away but she only pushed back until they were both interrupted by Voight. She didn't look over his way, not wanting at either man, because one would make her break and the other would make her furious.
Voight's agreement to Jay's plan once more made her furious. She tried to reason with him, but inside, she knew he was right. This was the only play they had. She had just hoped that maybe Voight would see what a toll this was taking on Jay. The older man turned and walked back to his car without another word, leaving her and Jay alone. She wanted to say something, but she didn't want to say something she may regret. She just looked at him, and she could feel his eyes on her during the short walk back to the car.
Antonio's words had startled her out of the memory she was living in, telling them all to gear up, that Jay was close to ending this. She had moved about silently, pulling the tactical gear on with the help of Kim, all while the nerves and anxiety bubbled inside her once more. As she laced up her boots, her attention focused on her ring, a distinct reminder as to why she was doing this. Hailey thought about asking Voight for a day or two off, just to get her mind back as well as Jay's, but she doubted he would let them. All it took was one ask, and she was out, and she knew Jay would never forgive himself.
From the moment they left the district to until they arrived at the warehouse, it felt like only seconds passed. The sight of the guy passed out in the SUV made them spring into action, only spurred on by the sounds of gunfire coming from the warehouse.
She moved quickly, falling into step with the rest of the team. The gunfire was deafening, the openness of the warehouse causing the distinct sound to echo. But nothing compared to the sound of Jay's voice screaming.
Hailey watched in near horror as Jay ran into the middle of the warehouse, taking ahold of Luis' limp body and pulling it to the other side. The gunfire soon stopped, and she cautiously made her way towards Jay, who was trying to revive Luis, but Hailey knew it already. He was gone.
"Jay," she said softly, not wanting to startle him, but she tried once more, a little more force in her inflection.
The second time she said his name, the unthinkable happened. His movements were quick, and she barely had time to comprehend that he had pulled his gun from his waistband and aimed it right at her.
She tried saying his name twice more, each more forceful than the last. The panicked look on Jay's face was beginning to scare her, even more than the reality that her husband, clearly out of it, had just pulled his gun on her. It was a split second when he snapped out of it, the realization settling and disbelief crossing his face. Hailey could see that he didn't realize what he did, and she didn't dare comment on the situation.
He looked back at Luis and his body collapsed, the adrenaline leaving him quickly as he looked at her and then Luis once more. She couldn't avert her eyes if she tried, the scene before her was unthinkable. All she could do was watch Jay hang his head, in shame, from exhaustion or from grief. She suspected all of those emotions were coursing through his body, not letting him process them all at once.
It took a lot in her to not wrap her arms around him, tell him he was okay, that she forgave him and she could be there for him. There was a flurry of activity around them as more officers arrived on scene, listening as Antonio and Al gave orders to the crime scene techs and paramedics around them. But her focus was on Jay who sat there on the ground beside Luis' body, and as she was pulled away, she caught Jay's eyes, finding the apology in them and she just nodded, letting him know it was okay, that it would all be okay.
Three hours. That's how long it had been since she and Jay left the district, and she was the one sitting in their house, alone. Hailey had called and texted but got no response, only angering and worrying her even more.
This was what she had been afraid of, that Jay would go off the rails and lose himself, and now, that was what she feared had happened. They had to talk, they had to lay this all out. It was more than the case and all the events along with it. From the second they left for dinner with her parents to the image of Jay aiming his gun at her, it made her reach her breaking point.
This wasn't new to her, or at least it didn't feel like it was. Part of her hoped that had left the struggles of being married and working together behind months ago, but this was a different level of worry and uncertainty that they had to adjust to now.
Hailey hated feeling unsure, especially where Jay or her job was concerned. Now, that both were causing her to feel this way, it was a new kind of panic and anxiety she never wanted to feel again. All she wanted right now was Jay, that was it. It didn't matter that they had argued most of the past week and that he hadn't been home during that time frame either. She allowed herself to feel like a vulnerable woman who didn't need to hide behind this badass detective mask. She needed her husband, needed him to hold her and feel his presence beside her, because that would help her move on so she could help him in whatever way she could.
Another hour had passed when she decided she was going to go to bed. The worrying would make her sick, and that was the last thing she wanted right now. She sent one more text off, hoping that Jay was reading them even if he wasn't replying to them. As she hit send on the last message, she made her way upstairs, slipping into bed and pulling Jay's pillow closer before she let the tears fall.
The sound of the shower woke her up and before she panicked too much, she spotted Jay's badge and jacket at the end of the bed. He came home, she thought, and while she had no idea what time it was, she was just glad he was okay.
Jay emerged minutes later and based on the steam escaping from the bathroom, he must have been in their for a while. He didn't say anything when he locked eyes with her, just went about grabbing boxers to sleep in and slipping them on. It wasn't long until he slid into bed, turning on his side to face her.
His hand reached out for hers and she gladly let him take it, still needed to touch him to tell herself he was okay and really here.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, looking into her eyes. "For everything."
"It's okay," she told him sleepily, using her free hand to reach out and touch his face. "It's been a crazy few weeks. We don't need to talk about it now. Just sleep, okay?"
Jay just nodded, his eyes closing as her fingertips trace the worry lines on his face. The sigh that left him was almost painful and cathartic that Hailey felt it in her soul. She was close to falling back asleep, content to have seen Jay even if for a moment.
"I was at Camila's," Jay mumbled, causing her to open her eyes once more. "I needed to apologize."
"For what?" she asked. There wasn't one part of her that was upset he was with another woman, but her confusion and concern lied with the why.
"She tried to get him clean, to get him help. And I got him killed cause I thought I could do it. I thought I could save them both."
"You aren't Superman," she told him. "But that right there is what makes you such a great person and a great detective. You care about the victims, and everyone who is affected. You have the biggest heart, Jay Halstead, and you should never apologize for that."
Despite the darkness, she could tell he was smiling at her. Hailey closed her eyes once more but not before feeling Jay pull her closer to him, his face buried in her neck as his arms hugged her to him.
"I love you," he told her, kissing her neck lightly while she whispered back to him, grateful that he was okay, despite the lingering worry inside her. There would be time to talk later, but they both needed sleep, and as she drifted back asleep, she couldn't stop herself from thinking this would be the turning point, and hopefully for the better.
This will be split into two parts, and I already have the next part almost finished, so be on the lookout in the next day or two!
As always, I hoped you enjoyed and want to thank you for each and every review and comment. Seeing that you all love it absolutely makes my day and pushes me to keep writing! Love you all!
OH! And if there is a specific episode/scene/storyline you want to see going forward, let me know! I am not planning to cover every single episode in detail, except the more Jay/Hailey heavy ones, but I am always open to suggestions!
