Blaise Zabini gawked at main room of Draco's nervous breakdown as he emerged from the floo. When had the pile of rocks become a proper home? When the hell had the lazy sod gotten proper furniture?

"Malfoy," Blaise called out. "We've got work to do. So, move your arse."

"The master is outside in the garden." A small elf in a bright blue tunic emblazoned with a silver dragon glared at him and zapped away the soot he'd tracked into the room.

"Draco Malfoy is in the garden?" Blaise looked around the room again. "This I have to bloody well see."

He stalked through the room and slipped through the doors. He could see a large rock being levitated to his right, but the woman with the huge vulture trimmed hat sitting at a small table, sipping tea was far more interesting. The Longbottom matriarch was as fierce as any dragon, but she didn't belong in Malfoy's ruin.

The sudden bark of Draco's laughter drew his attention back toward the floating rock. He slipped down the stairs and moved to a position where he could get a better view. There was something very off about this whole situation. Draco no longer laughed. It was a simple fact of life. His friend was the dark shadow of doom in any room.

"I can do this all day." A feminine voice filled the air. "But I will drop this hunk of granite on you both if you don't finish with your blather."

Blaise frowned at the familiar voice and stepped forward to get a look. None of this made sense. Draco barely tolerated company of any kind. He peaked around the large yew.

The horror of it crawled up his spine. The aurors would be here soon. Blaise glanced around the garden. Part of him wanted to flee, but he couldn't leave Draco to this fate.

"Draco." He gripped his wand and stepped toward the blond man. "I don't want to know how or why you've imperiused the Longbottoms and Granger, but you have to let them go. And take off those ridiculous gloves."

"He thinks, oh, Merlin." Granger erupted in laughter and dropped the boulder to the ground with a loud crash.

"I thought you could do that all day." Draco shoved her shoulder as she collapsed against him in a fit of giggles.

"Young man, you had best put you wand down." Blaise cringed as he felt a wand press against his back. "I'm not as quick as I once was, but my hexes are far more creative now than they were in my youth. I rather like the idea of turning your intestines into live eels."

"Let him be, Gran." Neville shook his head and chuckled. "You can't blame the man for jumping to conclusions."

"I most certainly can." Augusta Longbottom dug her wand into his back. "As if my darling grandchildren couldn't throw off the imperius. Now, young man, state your business."

Blaise swallowed and met his friend's amused stare. Draco raised a brow and waited. The bloody bastard wasn't going to help him, that much was clear.

"Theo's locked himself in his cellar again." Blaise watched the smile on Draco's face fade. "We need to get him out before..."

"He has another incident that leaves him at the tender mercies of the sadists of Saint Mungo's." Draco nodded and stripped the floral gardening gloves from his hands. "What set him off this time?"

"Children throwing rocks at him in Diagon Alley. He went to pick up a book." Blaise sighed. "He knows better, but it was early. He probably thought he could get in and out before the madding crowds arrived."

"What do you mean? He knows better?" Granger looked at him and then at Draco.

"None of us go out in public." Blaise shrugged. "Not in England. The attacks can be quite painful."

"The sadists at Saint Mungo's?" Neville raised a brow.

"They will fix any spell damage or injury, so they don't violate their oaths." Draco shrugged. "However, their oaths allow a great deal of leeway. They refuse to furnish us with pain potions or anesthesia even in the most extreme cases."

"That is unacceptable." Lady Longbottom removed her wand from his back. "This is a civilized country. Our healers take oaths."

"They aren't hurting your family." Blaise reassured the older witch. "They're just reminding us of our place."

"You served your time." Hermione shook her head in disbelief. "You don't deserve this. Why didn't Greg mention this?"

"He wouldn't. He wants you to think well of him." Draco shrugged. "You're the only one that's helped us. He would never drag you into our problems. Not quidditch, that."

"Well, I'm your wife now." Hermione planted her hands on her hips. "Things are going to change."

"I'll deal with setting up an investigatory team." Augusta Longbottom moved around him and pressed kisses to Neville's and Hermione's cheeks. "This nonsense at Saint Mungo's will stop."

"Thanks, Gran." Hermione hugged the older witch.

"We have to plan for your muggle celebration." The older witch smiled. "I know you wanted to keep it simple, but I think we need to reconsider. Romance appeals to the masses. We need to use it."

"Hearts and minds." Hermione nodded. "A public outing with our friends should set the tongues wagging."

"You will be a terror when you take the Longbottom seat." Augusta grinned. "I'm so pleased."

"Neville should take the seat. I'm a Malfoy now."

Blaise watched the two witches argue for a few minutes. He was quite sure that his mind was broken. Insanity was the only explanation for all of this.

"It's not like I want to mess around in thee Wizengamut." Neville hugged each woman with one arm. "You can represent us until my wife or heir want the job. It's a good thing."

"Fine." Hermione sighed. "But we have time before all of that and work to do."

"Take care of her." Lady Longbottom cupped Draco's cheek. "I'm off to rattle some cages and hex some fools."

"Have fun, Gran." Neville smiled as the older woman sailed across the lawn toward the house.

Blaise took a deep breath and tried to decide which question to ask first. Granger was married to Draco? He examined the witch carefully. Could this be some elaborate use of polyjuice? It seemed a bit far to go for a prank.

"Neville, call The Bell. I want a table for twelve on the verandah. A late lunch should be perfect on a day like today." Hermione smiled as the tall man loped off toward the house. "You two need to fetch Theo. I'll need to transfigure your clothing, so hurry."

Blaise found himself being dragged back toward the house. Draco was smiling. It had been years since the man had done more than smirk.

"I've lost my mind, Draco." Blaise shook his head.

"Just breathe through the panic attack. It's much easier on the other side." Draco patted his shoulder.

"You married her." Blaise glanced back toward the witch in question. She was holding court with a bunch of brightly dressed house elves. "This is real. You married her?"

"Best decision of my life, mate." Draco grinned. "She's a wonder, but watch out for the demon cat. He stole the bacon right from my plate this morning."

"I'm not dreaming. You didn't imperius her." Blaise frowned. "There's a demon cat?"

"Her familiar, so we're stuck with the bacon stealing beast." Draco nodded as they mounted the stairs. "Worth it though."

"You married Granger?" Blaise stumbled as they crossed the large room. "This is real?"

"Did you hit your head when you flooed in?" Draco smirked at him. "You aren't usually this slow."

"Theo won't believe this." Blaise shook his head. "I saw her here, and I can barely believe it."

"He's smarter than you. " Draco tossed the floo powder into the flames and called out their destination as they stepped into the flames.

Stepping out of the flames into a place that made sense was a relief. Draco spelled away the ash and dirt from both their clothes. He was a fastidious prat.

"I am capable of cleaning myself." Blaise glared at him for good measure.

"You never do when you arrive at mine." Draco headed toward the cellar stairs.

"You live in a mouldering pile of rocks." Blaise traipsed after him.

"My wife will hex you sideways if she hears you talk like that about our home." Draco was smiling again. It was beyond disturbing. The man should not smile.

"She married you. How high can her standards be?" Blaise dragged his gaze over the blond's body.

"She deserves the best." Draco opened the door and headed down the stairs. "And I intend for her to get it."

"Let's open this door and drag Theo's drunken arse back to my place. My wife's tender mercies should keep him from pulling this nonsense again." Draco frowned as he examined the wards. "He's added some burning hexes into the mix. This should be fun."

"Fun?" Blaise glared at the door. "Since when do Theo's little flights of creativity amuse us?"

"Theo is brilliant. We will have to put at lest two people between Theo and my wife at all times, or they'll drag us along on one of their intellectual fancies." Draco grinned and pulled back the first layer of warding with a shower of bright blue sparks.

"You convinced Hermione Granger to marry you." Blaise smacked Draco on the back. "It boggles the mind. You are quite sure you didn't imperius the poor girl?"

Draco tossed up a shield and purposely set off one of Theo's burning hexes. Blaise managed to avoid it, but the scorched stone behind them looked worse for it. They both paused and stared at the wall.

"Let's get through this spat of creativity. My wife sent us to fetch him. I don't think disappointing my wife would be good for either of us." Draco pushed his hair back off his forehead.

"I would imagine the wedding night was disappointing enough." Blaise bumped his shoulder against Draco's, and they set about dismantling Theo's wards.