Chapter 4 - Past

"Oh were going to have so much fun together." His voice echoed nonstop in my head. " I'll break you over and over and over again! Until there's nothing left of you!" He said with a crazed laugh revealing his many "Toys". I can still hear the metal scraping it rings nonstop in my ears. The way they collided together as he whent to use a different one, each growing increasingly more painful than the last.

I can still feel the wounds fresh on my skin. Each time a new syringe was stabbed into my arms, every time my body was cut open. It's as if the pain is never truly gone; it's always lingering, to torture me forever, but I deserve it. I was never meant to be a hero; it was fate for me the moment I was born. I'm a mistake that needs to be corrected. Katchan was right, I really should have taken a swan dive off the roof, but I didn't listen and now I'm getting what I deserve.

I can still hear the words that were said to me back then before any of this happened. They leave their own wounds etched into my mind, staining my mouth with a bitter taste. I decided to punish myself well before the world took action. I guess the world thought I couldn't even hurt myself right. Every cut I made is a reminder of how screwed up I am. Each one symbolises something that's wrong with me.

The first time I started to feel the way I did was around the age of three. My mother and father started to argue a lot more back then. "I work so Damn hard for this family yet no one seems to care! And you! You're manipulative and passive aggressive! You do this all on purpose just to cause a big scene and make it all about you! And think about what kind of an example you're seting for him! And then you go and make me scream and yell making me look like the bad guy! You're turning him against me just like you mother did with you!" The man yelled with venom laced words. I can't help but feel the reason they argued was because of me. I was a mistake that needed to be fixed, or removed. I prefer to be removed, but I guess the world had other plans.

When I found out I was Quirkless that's when things started to fall apart. " Everybodys just so useless around here and can't do anything. And you aren't any help!" He yelled pointing at Inko " And here you go doing your habitual response with your 'o-okays' and 'sorrys' but it doesn't mean anything! And see now I'm yelling again in front of the kid looking like I'm the bad guy!" He would yell at her and twist her words for hours. The longest "argument" i've ever been there for was eight hours long, but my mom said some have been longer than that. The worst part about it was he forced me to sit, stand, or whatever and watch the whole thing go down. He said it was the only way he could get her to admit she's wrong and stop arguing, but it's not true she was hardly ever wrong, She's too sweet, loving, and kind to be. Sometimes I would get lucky, and they would be in the bedroom and I could avoid most of it, but they always start out being about me, and about how embarrassing I am, or I'm being turned against him and that she's trying to get me to hate him. But he did it to himself, and now I loathe him.

For some odd reason he never argued with me, at least not until one time when I was seven just before he left. I have been diagnosed with ADD and Anxiety my whole life and would get Anxiety attacks at home and school often. Sometimes they would be so bad that I would feel like i'm suffocating and like I was going to pass out. " Go get out of my sight I can't look at you!" He yelled furiously pointing to the door upstairs. I'll never forget those words. It only proves my point, I'm Worthless. A mistake. It wasn't intentionally, I didn't mean for it to happen. I just couldn't control it.

It all started when he had asked me to do something but I couldn't do it, because I was afraid, an irrational fear that I couldn't shake. I tried, he even said a few things to try and "help" me. But I couldn't do it. After what five minutes he was getting pissed " Do you know how insulting this is! I'm giving you advice and you're refusing to use it! That's just so insulting to me!" He was so mad at me for an irrational fear that I just couldn't get over. I tried to move and do what he asked but my body wouldn't listen. Then I could feel it. A horrible uneasy feeling bubbling inside my chest.

I was about to have an Anxiety attack. If I have an anxiety attack it'll just make things worse. No no no no no! I kept repeating over and over inside my head. Dad was fuming and yelling something else to me but I couldn't focus on what he was saying. All I remember is seeing the look of anger on his face and feeling cornered. It was all over. I covered my face with my hands as I started to hyperventilate. I thought if I could just gain control of this and stop before it gets bad then he won't be as mad. But then I started to cry a little and he lost it. He was yelling something but I only caught bits and pieces of it." You're acting like a five year old who's throwing a temper tantrum, you're eight!" That only made it worse. " I can't believe this, it's just insulting." and then he said it,

" Just go! Get out of my sight! I can't look at you!" I looked up at him while hyperventilating and crying. I saw him pointing at the door that led upstairs "Just go!" And so I did. I ran saying "I - I'm sorry!" through tears and broken up words. I ran all the way upstairs to my room bawling and hyperventilating. I opened and slammed the door then crashed onto the floor as my Anxiety attack got worse and my thoughts began to race around my head. Now it wasn't just an Anxiety attack. Now I really was crying. It took me a few minutes but the crying eventually subsided and then I began to feel dizzy and light headed. I noticed I couldn't hardly breathe, my chest felt closed off and I felt as though I was going to suffocate and die. I tried to get up but I couldn't. My body wouldn't listen so I just laid their hyperventilating, watching as my vision started to blur.

I don't know how long I was there on the floor but my mom eventually came to see me. Apparently she had gotten into an "argument" with dad over what happend. Of course he won, he always does. After that day at school I heard some kids talking. It was about how they heard what cutting was and they saw someone with scars the other day, then it hit me. Maybe if I cut I'll feel better. And I was right. I did feel better.

My dad left a few months after the incident and never came back. I don't know where he is but we made a silent vow to never speak of him again. Ever since then I've resorted to cutting. It feels as though it's a form of punishment. It reminds me of how messed up I am. But for some sick twisted reason I always feel better afterwards. Maybe because it gives me a sense of control knowing I'm the one who's hurting myself. It's weird and hard to explain. All I do know is I deserve to be punished and I should have died a long time ago.

But now I'm here to pay for my mistake(s). Stuck in an endless torture. Forced to live a life of humiliation, watching everyone live out their happy lives while I watch wishing I could just fit in like the rest of them. Even if I was given All Might's power I still can't do anything right. I'm a failure and a waste of Aizawa's time. People act like they're my friends, but I know they only take pity on me. They're just doing it to be like a hero, to be kind to make themselves look good. But I know they talk about me behind my back, about how stupid I am and "how could someone like him make it into the hero course?" and "How come he always gets hurt?"

I never should have believed I had a chance. I should just give up. I mean everybody always tells me to. It's not like anyone will miss me anyways. If anything I'll become a thing of the past, to be forever lost and forgotten.

Hey guys! I told you I would be back! Anyways this chapter is about Izuku's past and what he went through emotionally, along with what happened with his father. It took me a bit of time to write because a lot of what Izuku is remembering is taken from my own personal experiences. So it was a bit hard for me digging up some feelings, but I mainly wrote this because I use writing as a form of coping. But um yeah, that's mainly it. Aside from that, if anyone has any ideas on where I should take this story leave a review to let me know because I didn't plan this one out. XD (I really should have.) I hope this one was ok and it's a bit longer than the other ones but, till next time! :3 And be careful of the coronaVirus!