Songs: The Kills - Echo Home; Nancy Sinatra - Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)
I was lying back on the wooden little dock. The sun was shining into my face and I just enjoyed the feeling of warmth. It had been a good while since I actually felt warmed to my very bones. If this place was what the squad competition would be like, then it would be amazing no matter if we'd win or not.
We had started out in a nice forest and had been wandering up a mountain until we got to this nice little mountain lake, which is where we finished our little training expedition. It was a beautiful day, warm, but not too hot. My feet were dangling in the clear, cold water, while Talon was screaming in the air above us.
"We're gonna win this thing." Anouk said. She was lying next to me on the dock, just enjoying the sun.
"Hell yeah." I replied. That was when I heard my ECHO device beeping. I gave the damned thing an angry glance and hoped it would just stop by itself, but unfortunately whoever was calling me wasn't that gracious.
"For fuck's sake." I moaned and slowly sat up. Anouk just laughed quietly and continued slurping her drink, whatever it was.
"Yeah?" I asked.
"Hey, Nova. It's me, Gaige. You got a minute?"
"Oh, hey Gaige. Sure. What is it? Any news on Aurelia?" I wanted to know. Gaige sounded pretty serious, so something had to be up.
"Yeah. We knew for a few days she had left the planet, but Jael has finally found out where she was headed. She's going to Epitah."
"Epitah? Where the fuck is that?"
"It's pretty far away. Apparently there's a Vault on that planet, too. I mean, it's like those things are all over the place. But anyways, Aurelia is headed there. No idea why. No idea what kinda planet it's gonna be. But we got passage on a cargo ship. We're leaving Artemis in two days."
"Aww, really? We're only gonna be back this evening. Will we have time to properly say goodbye?" I asked. I kinda knew this was coming at some stage, when Aurelia had suddenly disappeared, but it was still kind of soon. I kinda wished I had spent some more time with Axton and Gaige while we were still here.
But then again, the time just seemed to fly. There were so many new people I had met here. It was like I was leaving Pandora all over again. The thought of leaving in a week and a half made me feel physically ill, that's how used I got to this place. I mean, yeah, there was a bunch of asshats living here and there were a lot of things that just weren't great, but when I thought of leaving it all just didn't seem that bad anymore.
"Yeah, I hope so. We can meet up tomorrow or this evening if you want. I wish we could have just gotten her while she was here and then we could have all chilled for a while, before going back to Pandora, but to hell with it. A new planet it is." Gaige answered, sounding a little bummed out about leaving as well.
"You okay with going with Axton? Did you talk to Lil already?"
"Yeah, it's all gonna be fine. And I talked to Lil, she's fully updated and knows what's happening. Just wanted to let you know. So we can say bye and all. I hope it won't be long until we're back on Pandora, though. Maybe we're even gonna be faster than you guys!" Gaige said and laughed a little.
"Bullshit, the trip to Epitah alone is gonna take us at least a month." Axton commented in the background.
"Aw man, sounds like a real bummer. Don't sneak into any engine rooms again, because this time we're not here to bail you out, okay?" I replied.
"Yeah, not doing that again. It was fun, but once is enough, I guess. Anyways, let me know when you guys are back and we can go and do something before we leave. Sound good?" Gaige asked.
"Sure thing, I'll hit you up. Talk to you later."
"Yup, later."
With a sigh I disconnected and turned off the ECHO. I took a deep breath and looked out over the water. I wondered if the water was warm enough to swim in. It probably wasn't and I felt a little too tired to try it. But after walking and sneaking around all day it felt good to have my feet in some cold water.
"Where's Mordecai?" Anouk asked me all of a sudden. I shrugged.
"I think he wanted to go and shoot some more stuff. Probably just hanging out with Talon, though. Why?"
"I dunno, just wondering. Sounds like you're gonna miss Gaige, huh?"
"Yeah, I am. I mean, the poor kid's been through a lot. She should have some time off, like she really fucking deserves it. But I guess we don't really have that kind of luxury on Pandora." I answered. I was a little taken aback by the small talk, no idea why. Maybe it was because I was always on edge around Anouk, because I was scared I'd say something that would give me away. But then again, I had to tell her at some stage, didn't I? Maybe now was the right time.
"Your parents missing you?" I asked. Anouk shrugged and sat up.
"I suppose so. Don't get me wrong. I love them to bits, but I just... I dunno, I've felt a little distant the last few years, I guess."
"Cause you were adopted?"
"Yeah, I dunno. Maybe. See, you know your parents, you know where you come from, you know your roots. I don't really have any of that. Yeah, I know that I was born on Aquator, but that's pretty much everything. I'm happy where I am, I'm happy with my job and my friends and my parents, but I just feel like something's missing, you know? I can't look at my parents and really see myself in them. And it kinda sucks." she said. I looked at her with a sad smile. She saw me looking and laughed, shaking her head.
"I know, I know. First world problems and all. Maybe I should just focus more on who I am, than where I'm from. It's just difficult sometimes." she added.
"No, no, no, it's fine. I think I know what you mean. You wanna have someone to tell you some wild childhood stories, you wanna know how your biological parents met, if they're still together, what they're doing with their lives, if they're proud of you and all. I get it. What do you know about them?"
"Well... I know more about my mother. She's from Aquator, like you. I have a picture of her, she looks pretty young in it. Maybe like she just turned 18 or something. I think I found some leads to Pandora, but I'm not really sure if that's the right track. It's mostly based on Hyperion data and I'm not sure how trustworthy that is." Anouk explained. I nodded. Shit, how was I going to break it to her? I've been hanging out with this girl for three weeks now and now, when we're all leaving soon, I decide to tell her that I'm her mum? Shit. I really fucked up this time.
"Can I see the picture? Who knows, maybe I've seen her on Pandora or something." I replied after a while.
"Sure, I've got it on my ECHO." Anouk said and quickly searched through the files that were saved to her ECHO device. After a few seconds a holographic picture showed up. It was the same one she showed in the ECHOcast. Oh fuck. It seemed like this was my time to shine. Be the mum I never was or something.
"She looks familiar." I said, after squinting at the picture for a while. I remembered how uncomfortable that dress was and how badly that night ended, so it took me a while to get out of my memories and back on track.
"Really? Are you sure? What do you know about her? Please, tell me anything you can." Anouk replied, looking excited and hopeful. Oh dear God. I was going to fuck this up. I just knew it.
"She's not 18 in that picture. She's 16. Her hair isn't really that straight, she just straightened it. I think she came to Pandora when she was 18 and has lived there ever since. Lived pretty much on her own and isolated for about 10 years. She used to have a diner in a place called the Middle of Nowhere. She made the best fucking coffee on Pandora." I told her, smiling a little. I glanced over at Anouk's face and she seemed completely smitten with the story I was telling her. Maybe this would end well after all.
"She met a good guy about 6 years ago. Had a crush on him for ages, but didn't say anything until a few years ago. Her house was destroyed, because Handsome Jack needed it for his slag dump. Of course she didn't give it up voluntarily. She was sent to the Friendship Gulag and the Raiders helped her get out. She joined them right after that and later on was a spy for them along with the guy I mentioned earlier. The whole stuff happened and she ended up fighting Jack at the very end." I finished my story. Anouk looked at me for a second and then blinked as if she just woke up from a dream.
"Okay, that was a lot of details. How do you know all that? Did you make it all up?" she asked, sounding a little annoyed.
"No, Anouk, I..."
"Because you don't have to. You don't need to tell me some fantastic story just because you feel sorry for me or something. If you don't know her, that's fine. If she died or something, that's fine, too. Just... just tell me the truth."
"Anouk, I'm telling you the truth. I don't think... I don't think you understand what I'm trying to say."
"No, what are you trying to say?"
"It's me, Anouk. I'm the girl in the picture. That's me when I was 16 and had spent two months starving myself, so I'd look thin again after I had you." I said. I didn't dare look at Anouk. I knew I had fucked up. I had fucked up royally. I wouldn't be surprised if she hated me for the rest of her life and never wanted to talk to me ever again.
"You're lying." she said after a while. I looked at her and she was shaking her head furiously. I took a deep breath.
"No. I'm not lying."
"You're lying. You must be lying!"
"I'm not, Anouk. I'm sorry. I... I don't know, I should have told you sooner, I should've never given you away, I don't know, okay? I'm sorry."
"Are you for real? Are you for fucking real? You're really not lying?"
"I'm not. I'm serious. I'm your mother. This is me in the picture."
"What the fuck? What the actual fuck? I can't believe you'd tell me this now... just like that. Like it's nothing! Why didn't you say anything sooner?"
"I'm sorry, okay? I'm really, really fucking sorry. I just.. I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to tell you anything sooner. I was scared of how you'd react, I was scared I'd say it at the wrong time, I don't know. I just didn't know how to say anything to you about this at all. I mean... Fuck. I knew I'd screw it up." I said. Shit. I was never so scared in my life. I could see some tears rolling down Anouk's cheeks, as she was shaking her head, still somewhat in disbelief at what I'd just told her.
"Why did you give me away?" she wanted to know quietly, her voice breaking from the tears streaming down her face now.
"I had you when I was 16. I was young and dumb and I had no idea what I was doing with my life. I was on drugs most nights, I got drunk all the time, I was in no condition to have a child. At least my parents thought so. They wanted me to give you away and I had no other place to stay and I was scared and I just had no idea what was going to happen. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I always thought it was for the best that I had no contact to you whatsoever, but when all the stuff with Jack happened, I just... I started wondering what had happened to you after all those years. And then I found you and then you were here and... and... I'm just so sorry, okay?" I tried to explain.
I couldn't really explain it, though. I had screwed up with Anouk. From the moment I got pregnant until now, I had screwed it up. Any little decision I had ever made, they were all wrong.
Anouk was shaking her head again, her face red from the tears now, as she got up quickly, looking down on me with an almost disgusted expression. I wasn't really prepared for how much that expression would hurt inside.
"I hate you." she said, as she turned around and walked away.
