"You better pay me back later."
Shizuo's glare bore through Izaya, his fingers tightening around Izaya's palm at the thought of wasting his money— And what more, the mere thought of Izaya worsening the condition of his hands after Shizuo had gone all the way to even use the handkerchief Kasuka gave him, it was starting to get on his nerves.
"Ungh."
There was a groan, and then came another, with sounds of shuffling this time. Shizuo's ears perked up over the noise, and a cold shudder ran through Izaya's spine. He could only nibble on his bottom lip, heart racing inside his chest even if he knew that it wasn't entirely his fault.
That it was fine for Shizuo to find out what took place in that alley.
"Did you hear that?" Shizuo asked.
"Where did he go? Gah, why didn't you hit that bastard?"
"I can't believe we lost."
"Wait, hey- Isn't that… Heiwajima Shizuo?"
It didn't take too long for Shizuo to figure out that the chatters came from the alley. He finally lifted his chin up to look over Izaya's shoulders, meeting the puzzled looks of the beaten up boys, and he eventually let go of Izaya's hand, making his way into the dark alley with Izaya following suit behind him.
"Aah? What happened here?"
"That Orihara Izaya did this to us."
"Y-yeah! We weren't even bothering him."
There was no hiding this fact. Although the last bit was a lie, it didn't matter. Izaya could see Shizuo's gaze falling onto the bruises on his hand, and it wasn't like Shizuo would believe anything he said anyway— so what's wrong with having a little fun in twisting the truth?
"You heard them," Izaya gave a half suppressed laugh, tipping his head to the side.
"Are you going to hit me now, Shizu-chan?"
How shameful, to go this far just to gain some sense of familiarity.
"You must be kidding me. Do you think I'm that stupid?"
Shizuo's expression was etched with irritation as his fist tightened before it darted out to grab at a lamp post nearby, uprooting it from the ground by the metal handle and he balanced it on his shoulder— surprising Izaya with the unexpected answer.
"They've attacked me before since you sent them to me. Why would you beat them up if you have no reason to?"
"Is that so… Hm, I didn't think Shizu-chan would recognize them."
"I don't. I just associate gangs with people who want to challenge my strength."
Izaya took a step back, fists balling in case a fight happened to break out between the two of them. He couldn't read Shizuo's next action. The weapon in Shizuo's hand raised a red flag for him, but of course, he was proved wrong once again when Shizuo tugged him to the side, swinging the metal pole to an attacker's abdomen and knocking him unconscious, while the others cower in fear even though they were just preparing to strike as well.
"I thought… you hated Orihara Izaya?" A boy mustered his courage to ask.
"I hate sneak attacks. They remind me of Izaya— and just so cowardice, cheap. Fight me face to face if you're so eager to challenge me."
Shizuo squinted, teeth gritting with annoyance, the pole in his hand snapping into half before he dropped it onto the ground.
"Anyway, he's my responsibility today. So come after him tomorrow."
Responsibility?
He couldn't shrug off the nagging feeling at the back of his mind telling him there was something to what Shizuo had said before, that there was more to it. It made him ponder and ponder of what kind of responsibility Shizuo was referring to, gaze fixated on Shizuo's back as Shizuo grasped his hand and pulled him towards their next destination.
"You really like to drag me around, don't you?"
Who did Shizuo think he was fooling? The route they were taking was one to Shinra's place. He didn't want to admit it, but it made him feel betrayed. It wasn't like he'd grown to like Shizuo, but Shizuo was definitely the only person he presumed he had left.
"I don't think I know what's going on anymore. Haha. It was wrong of me to assume Shizu-chan was trustworthy. Ah, so laughable!"
"Do you want me to leave you here?"
It felt ridiculous but Izaya only continued to laugh as Shizuo's scrutinized him with his sharp gaze, wondering why he even bothered to lend a helping hand to someone who only made things more complicated for him.
"You know, if you're friends then act like you're friends. Seeing the both of you argue pisses me off."
"Everything pisses you off," Izaya retorted.
"You piss me off. Trust me and just come along."
"Why'd I trust Shizu-chan? It'd make more sense for me to rather trust Shinra than my nemesis."
Shizuo stared at him for a moment, steps coming to a halt before he released his clutch on Izaya.
"Fine, I was just trying to be that one person who's good to you. But since you won't work with me, just do whatever you want."
"No way— did you think you could redeem yourself by being kind to me? That part of you which is a monster won't change. Don't misunderstand now, there is no room for compassion in that heart of yours."
The corner of his lips curled up, tone teasing and he shouldn't have done it, because it only worsened the situation.
"I wonder why Shinra even bothered with you."
Izaya's gaze drooped at the mention of that familiar name, one that used to act as some sort of a shelter for him, as that person was the only one he could count on, the only one who'd care. Had he gone too far? Chasing after such love from the mass amount of people, and giving in to his own desires which ended up detaching himself from others all the while manipulating their emotions had made him so ugly.
Not even Shizuo would stay by his side now, due to the mixed signals he was giving off. He wanted the company that was being offered to him but Izaya refused to stoop low, putting his pride aside and appearing so pathetic. Yet by acting as though he was alright, he was lying to himself—he was pushing Shizuo away.
It frustrated him, like a maze without an exit.
And the worst part of it all was that he couldn't even blame himself for he was such a coward.
"Speak for yourself. If only Shizu-chan would cease to exist. Nobody would care."
"Yeah? I helped you and this is how you thank me? I know that you were shit, but don't bite the hand that feeds you," Shizuo furrowed his brows, almost seething in anger yet something seemed to hold him back.
"And can you stop that?
"What?"
"Pretending you don't want to cry. It's not like I wanted to notice that, but it's hard not to. It confuses me of what the fuck you want from me."
Words felt heavy on his tongue, but he still chose the ones with sharp, biting remarks and laced with lies despite being caught. There was no other way to avert Shizuo's attention from his eyes which glistened with tears.
Even when you're on your knees, you shouldn't display your weakness.
"After being with me for a day without our usual banter, it doesn't mean you know everything about me."
"With the way you're going, no one will ever know you."
"Not even you yourself, right, Orihara-kun?"
There wasn't really anything he could register after that, only the hitching of his breath upon hearing that voice, and the feeling of a pair of hands on his shoulders. Shizuo's fingers encircling around his wrist was the least of his worries— in fact he was grateful for it felt like an anchor, keeping him from slipping away, a connection between him and the world.
"Shinra."
Shizuo's words only confirmed what he was dreading over.
