67% sure
January 24th, 2024
He's back. I'm not exactly sure since when, I got a little distracted, but he's back.
Spider-Man is back.
New York City is safe again. Roughly. Just kidding, it's still a mess, but people are quite happy to see the weirdo in a skintight red and blue suit swinging between skyscrapers again. I get it.
I feel it too.
There's that stupid online journal the Daily Bugle that keeps lashing out at him, but otherwise he's getting good press. He gives people hope. It's nice.
So do I still think Peter Parker is Spider-Man?
To be honest, I don't know. And I'm not really in the mood to try and figure it out right now. Mid-terms are starting next week, but that's not the worse. Our landlord is threatening to kick us out because my stupid ass dad didn't pay the rent for the last six weeks because he'd rather spent his money on stupid ass booze and whatnot.
So yeah. Goodbye charity work, hello very nice supermarket work.
I'm working everyday after school, and all day Saturday and Sunday, to try and pay our, no, my dad's debt off.
Talk about things being fair uh?
I'm mad as hell. I feel like a stupid rebellious teenager saying this, but I hate them all and all I want is to be alone. My mom wants me to come live with her perfect little family, as if that's ever going to happen. I tolerate them once a month for dinner, but that's the best I can do. I'm sick and tired of everyone and everything.
Of my parents using me in their fight.
Of just being collateral damage that they don't even care about.
Of being ashamed to have to work this stupid job to survive.
I'm back to being MJ the smartass that talks to no one. I pretend like I don't care, like I'm just being me, like these past months opening up a little more each day were just a fluke or something. They all suspect something's up. Peter's asked me multiple times what was going on. Ned and Betty, too. But what can I say? I'm just so ashamed and angry. I'm not lashing out on him, on them. I'd rather stay away than contaminate their lives with my stupid existential crisis.
I miss him though. Way too much for my own good, to be honest.
Stupid Parker and his kindness and his smiles and his stupid face.
March 17th, 2024
So it's been a while. I don't have much time these days. But get this.
There was a reunion/gathering/dinner last night in that cultural center in Brooklyn where May Parker helps out people displaced by the Blip. I wasn't there, I was working, but guess who showed up?
Yep, your friendly neighborhood Spider-Parker. Or, you know, Spider-Man. Weird coincidence right? There are plenty of shelters still in service six months after the Blip, but he happens to show up at that one in particular where Parker's aunt is in charge?
This stinks my good lady, it does.
At what percentage were we? It's been a while uh. The last time I wrote one in here was before my stupid trials – that were a huge fail to be honest – before the Snap, before everything.
64%
Is he Spider-Man?
I had stopped wondering, when he wasn't around after the Blip. But now…
I feel somehow very guilty and nervous when I think about Peter these days. We're not that close anymore, well, we still hang out during lunch sometimes, and sit next to each other in physics, but something's changed. And I know it's my fault, really, I should have just told him what was going on with my dad and everything, but I couldn't. That's probably why I feel guilty.
There's something new though. There's this guy, Brad, he was younger than us but didn't blip so he's a junior too now. He's been talking to me a lot recently. He's nice, a good listener, we talk sometimes in between classes and in PE.
And Parker, he sucks at keeping secrets – or does he? –, his emotions always show so perfectly on his stupid face. And I've noticed it, because it's so obvious even though he's trying to act like it's no big deal, but he hates it. He hates seeing me talking with Brad. He's all frowning and grumpy and staring daggers at the poor dude when it happens, and I know I shouldn't, but I do feel absolutely and irrevocably thrilled about this.
I don't know why exactly I'm writing all this. While this is my Spider-Parker notebook, it should probably not become my 'ohmygoshdoesPeterParkerhaveacrushonme' notebook. Right?
Does he, though?
April 23rd, 2024
He's asked me what my favorite flower was today. He was so nervous it was actually ridiculous. And cute. Damn you Parker.
I told him it was the black dahlia. He looked at me with wide eyes and asked me, 'Like the murder?' and yep, like the murder. I'm surprised he remembers it though. I did do a piece on that particular subject in history a couple of years ago – no, goddammit, I still get this wrong, eight years ago when we were Freshmen. Longest High School period of the universe.
In other news, he still disappears every once in a while, and since the beginning of the month rushes out of physics every afternoon like he's got the devil after him or something. And Spider-Man is very active these days. He's cheerful and focused and still acts like a dork when we talk. Peter, I'm talking about Peter. He's still pissed when I'm with Brad, I see it in his brown puppy eyes, and yes, I admit it, I love it. I'm not forcing it or anything, but I do enjoy it.
He's jealous.
Wow, wait a second, something just occurred to me. What if he's jealous because I'm talking to Brad, and not because Brad is talking to me? Well, that would be an interesting, and definitely unexpected, turn of events wouldn't it?
I'm pretty sure he doesn't have a crush on Brad though. Like, 85% sure, at least. But I might be wrong, who knows? That's a higher probability than him being Spider-Man. I'd say we're roughly around 67% by now. There's at least a 33% chance he's not Spider-Man because 1. He's a freaking teenager, 2. In a city of 8.6 million people, the odds really are not in his favor no matter what I've observed, and 3. Spider-Man went to space and I'm pretty sure Parker didn't because otherwise he would clearly be better in astronomy. The last point might a little far fetched but whatever.
I rest my case your Honor.
Also, Mr Harrington told us yesterday, they're organizing a science trip in Europe at the beginning of summer for some of us. And things are better now, I kicked my dad's butt – metaphorically – a couple of weeks ago and he's finally owning to what he did. And since I'm still working three afternoons a week plus Saturday nights, I will probably have the money and be able to go. He's going too, I heard him talk about it with Ned.
I must say, I really want to go. Nice vacation abroad. Don't forget the VPN. Venice, Paris. Nice cities to visit. Quite romantic. Yeesh. Can't believe I just wrote that.
He's turning me into a big pile of fluff, that's just so rude. Exciting. Terrifying.
June 26th, 2024
So we're leaving tomorrow. I'm supposed to be packing right now, but screw this I'd rather write useless pieces of information in there instead.
I talked with Peter and Ned today. I heard them talking about some plan about Europe, I walked up to them and Peter was all like 'don't say anything!' and closing his notebook real fast and acting like Fake Smooth Parker or whatever, and I'm really curious what that was all about. They rambled something about collecting spoons, and that was so obviously a lie. A very crappy lie to say the least.
Anyway, I'm pretty sure this trip will help me figure things out. About Spider-Man. Not Parker. Well, I don't know. Maybe. We'll see. What I'm trying to say is, if Spidey's around NYC during the trip, then Parker is definitely not him, but if he isn't around, then I don't know.
If he isn't, then I'll ask him about it. Ask Peter. When we get back. Yes. If Spider-Man isn't seen in New York City while we're abroad, I'll go and ask Parker what's his deal. I'll do it. Yup.
I'm not taking the notebook for the trip, I wouldn't want to lose it or something. So consider this entry the last one before the TRUTH. Yeah, sounds like a plan.
These lines are therefor my binding contract that I will get to the truth by the end of next week, whether it's because there's proof that Parker is Spider-Man, or proof that he isn't. I swear it on Mr Hairy Beary's life. There.
"So do you want to sit next to me or...?"
"I already said yes to Betty but thanks for the offer," MJ says, and Brad nods understandably. He opens his mouth to say something else but Mr Harrington beats him to it:
"You can sit next to me Brad, I think everyone else already has a partner."
MJ hides her chuckle behind a cough and walks up to Betty, leaving Brad to deal with their teacher. She's waiting next to a window overlooking the airport runway. Parker and Leeds are whispering to each other to her left, MJ wonders what they're talking about.
"Ready for the big trip?" Betty asks her with a smile that MJ gives her back without a second thought. She feels good, relaxed. Happy to get away from everything even if it's just for five days.
"Yep, this is exciting." she nods, as Yasmin and Zoha, two girls she knows from her Italian class meet with them. They all talk for a little while about the trip and what they want to do once they get to Venice, and then Paris, and MJ has a hard time concealing her smile. Then at some point she decides she really doesn't have to. She's never left the States before, she's going with her friends on a trip to Europe, if there ever was a better time to just let go and have fun, maybe that was it.
"Hey Parker! How much blood did you donate to afford this trip?"
Too bad Eugene Thompson is coming too, though. That might be one of, if not the only, low point of that trip. There are only twelve of them going, plus Mr Harrington and Mr Dell, what were the odds of stupid Flash coming too? But it's alright. It's surprising that Flash is coming, with his parents being obnoxiously rich and all, but everyone was entitled to this trip, so yeah.
Finally it's time to get on board. When she gets inside the plane, Peter and Ned are already seated, and Flash is bothering Parker again, a glass of champagne in his hand: "Yo, Parker, this is called an airplane, it's like the buses you're used to except it flies over the poor neighborhoods instead of driving through them."
Sometimes MJ wonders if the endless teasing doesn't actually hide Flash's feelings for Peter or something. Because wow, that guy never stops. There's a stewardess next to him and MJ doesn't miss her chance: "Ma'am? He blipped so technically he's 16, not 21."
"I'll take that." the woman nods, grabbing Flash's drink with a polite smile. The others are laughing at him and the idiot obviously starts complaining, chasing the flight attendant out of sight:
"She's lying, I don't even know this girl!"
MJ turns back to Peter and Ned who are laughing too, and nods at them with a smile, then gets to her seat with a nice feeling of accomplishment. Thompson will not be a problem during this trip. She knows how to deal with that dumb dumb. She barely even has time to get comfortable in her seat next to Betty though, because suddenly Ned is there talking to them about how Peter needs to swap seats with Betty because of a perfume allergy – lame – and then Mr Harrington overhears him and it becomes a little game of musical chairs or something and somehow everyone is switching seats. MJ ends up siting next to Brad, and really it's no big deal.
Behind her she hears Ned ask Betty if she's ever played Beast Slayers, and she suppresses a smile when she hears her friend's blank 'nope'. She could probably swap seats with Ned and still sit next to Betty like originally planned but it doesn't look like it's gonna happen. She smirks internally at the idea of Parker siting next to Harrington. Perfume allergy, right. Lamest excuse ever for switching seats.
She doesn't linger on the fact that he wanted to switch seats to sit next to her.
Because that's just distracting.
"I have a dual headphone adapter if you want to watch a movie." Brad tells her with a nice smile, bringing her back to reality.
"Only if it's depressing, or hilarious." she retorts, wondering what that's all about. She doesn't really get why Brad is so nice to her all the time but whatever. They end up watching movies almost the entire time, and the 9-hour flight goes by in a flash. At some point she goes to the bathroom and Peter's there, he opens the door, sees her and closes the door again, and she stands there like an idiot wondering what he's up to. Then she realizes the second bathroom is empty so she doesn't wait up. But that was weird. What a dork.
When they get to Venice, somehow Betty and Ned are a thing, so there's that. When she asks her about it, Betty tells her they got to talking on the plane and found out they have a lot in common. This is unexpected. Parker gets held up in security after they get their luggage, and he meets them at right about the same time Mr Harrington is starting to panic about losing another student.
A boat is waiting for them at the airport, they all embark and off they go. MJ sits at the front, enjoying the warm summer sun. And it's amazing. The sightings are gorgeous, she doesn't even get seasick which is a plus. She doesn't think she's ever been that excited and happy before. Another plus, catching Peter staring at her and then quickly looking away when their eyes meet. She loves it, that little heart back-flip she gets whenever it happens. She's a lost cause, she knows it.
Unsurprisingly – Mr Harrington is known for being kind of a crappy organizer –, the hotel they're staying at is a bit, well, a lot shabby, but who cares. MJ can't wait to go out again and explore the city. She intends to take advantage of every little moment she has out of her ordinary life. She's been needing this since before the Blip, she thinks. A vacation.
"OK everybody, drop your bags off," Mr Dell instructs over the complaints of pretty much everyone about the state of the hotel. "We're gonna meet at the Da Vinci Museum at 3. Let's go!"
"¡Vamonos!" Mr Harrington adds, and MJ can't help herself and sighs.
"It's 'Andiamo'," she corrects and a few people snicker.
"Andiamo!"
She must give that to Mr Harrington, he is definitely not the most competent at his job, but he is enthusiastic. "There you go!"
"When you're in Rome, you do as the Romans do, when in Venice, your socks get wet!"
After that, they all get to San Marco Polo's piazza, and behave like perfect little American tourists for a couple of hours. And it's amazing. The place is crowded, it's hot but not as stifling as back home, there's pigeons everywhere, she's delighted to hear people speaking Italian – and tons of other languages too – all around her. Brad sticks with her for some time, but after a while she ditches him and goes out looking for Peter.
Yes, she might have drunk a couple of espresso – or more. Yes, she might be a little over-caffeinated, but she doesn't care. She hasn't really talked to him since they left New York and well, she does plan to enjoy every second of this vacation, and being with Peter will definitely be enjoyable, she knows it.
Wow, that was some straightforward thinking.
She's definitely a lost cause, isn't she?
She spots him from the window of the cafe she's been hanging out in for the last half hour. He's carrying a little bag and smiling to himself like a cute dork. He jumps and quickly hides it behind his back when she runs to him and catches his attention with that wonderful word she's just learned:
"Boh!"
"What?" he asks, raising his eyebrows in surprise.
"Boh," she repeats as they resume walking, "It's the most perfect word in the world, Italians created it and I've just discovered it."
"What does it mean?"
"That's the thing it can mean a million thing," she explains enthusiastically, "it can mean 'I don't know', 'Get out of my face', 'I don't know and get out of my face'. It's the best thing Italy's ever created except for maybe espresso."
"Oooh, so you've been drinking espresso." he points out with a smirk and she just shrugs with a light 'meh'. They're walking up some stairs and as they reach the top, a man in an especially ugly shirt and baseball cap approaches them with one of those single rose bouquet/tourist scam you can find in every big city around the world.
"Hey, German? American. A rose for you?" he tells Peter, nodding to MJ.
And these guys, they're usually quite tough to get rid of, but MJ raises a dismissive hand and retorts a simple 'Boh' that has the man put down his flowers and leave with a disgruntled face. Peter looks impressed, and MJ can't help herself being especially satisfied by the look on his face. "Boh is my new superpower, it's like the anti-aloha, I was born to say this word." she tells him, squinting in the summer sun. She then nods to the little bag he's still trying to hide and asks breezily: "So what's in the bag?"
"Oh uh…" Peter looks down at it, hesitating half a second before shrugging. "Boh."
"Nice." she nods at him like, 'I see what you did there', and Peter grins happily. They keep walking together, going down the stairs now to reach a dock near the canal, and MJ feels elated to just be there with him. Unlike at school she feels more confident and comfortable around him, which is definitely a step up – even if most of the time she acts casual and smooth, it's just a facade and she's actually mostly nervous around him. But unlike him, she hides her emotions pretty well.
She spots Betty and Ned in a gondola on the canal, and maybe that'd be cool to try with Peter, but she doesn't think she's there yet. Doesn't have the guts to suggest it. Yet? Then she sees a bunch of crabs rushing out of the water and she takes her phone out to take a picture. "Whoa, cool!"
She turns to Peter behind her and smiles brightly at him, and he smiles back one of his famous Parker smiles that always have her melt on the spot, and she feels a jolt of happiness in her heart. This is good. This is great. They're going somewhere, she can feel it.
And then it all goes sideways.
The water starts moving, creating bigger waves than before. The crabs are still rushing out, and MJ stands up, suspicion and apprehension creeping down her neck. Something's wrong. Just as this thought makes its way inside her brain, there's a sudden violent explosion of water in the canal that make the dock under her shoes vibrate.
Her gaze immediately goes to Betty and Ned that are still in the middle of the canal on their gondola. She watches in horror as the tidal wave created by the explosion knocks out the man that was stirring them. Her friends manage to hold on as the gondola come towards MJ and Peter. It crashes on the dock in between them and she grabs Betty's hand as they both scramble out and over the gondola.
"You guys OK?" she hears Peter ask in the midst of screams and cries of terror.
The four of them go to reach for the stairs to flee, but then something make them turn. MJ watches in horror as what can only be described as a freaking gigantic water monster arises from the canal with a rumble that makes her teeth clench. This is a nightmare. She's never found herself in line of danger like this. She's watched helplessly as her friends' lives were threatened in DC, but this, this is very different.
"Go, just go!"
She doesn't need to be told twice. She grabs Ned's elbow and they start running. The rush of adrenaline comes crashing and she's surprised at how calm and focused she feels. She's scared out of her mind, but it doesn't paralyze her or make her do stupid things, it actually helps her use the more pragmatic side of her personality.
"We need to get away from the canals, hurry!" she tells Ned and Betty as they run, and the both of them nod. That's when she realizes Peter is not with them. "Wait! Where's Peter?"
She stops in her tracks, heart dropping in her chest, but Ned quickly grabs her arm and assures fiercely: "Don't worry about him, I'm sure he's safe, come on!"
"But…"
"MJ come on!" Betty begs, eyes filled with tears. Another teeth clenching scream erupts behind her and that's what finally gets her moving, her mind racing as they run in the small streets of Venice, telling everyone they meet to get away from the canals and hide. And hoping Parker the idiot isn't off being a hero or something.
Oh but that would be so like him though.
How do you get away from a water monster in a city with canals instead of roads?
They run for a good five minutes without looking back, then stop when they reach a small piazza and Betty suggests they take shelter in the gigantic church at the end of it. It's either that or a luxurious shoe store, MJ notices. They ponder for a second, and that's when MJ realizes the screaming have stopped.
"Do you think it's gone?" she asks, shivering despite herself. Everything is suspiciously quiet, so Ned grabs his phone and looks for updates. It's all over the news already. It seems like some weird guy with a round aquarium-like helmet made it disappear thanks to some green magic or something.
The world is so freaking crazy it's actually insane.
"We need to find the others." she says after a while, "it's 3:15, we were supposed to meet at the Da Vinci museum at 3, they're probably there, let's go."
When they get to the museum, they find everyone, including Peter. They all seem shaken up, but despite the fact that they witnessed the final fight and almost got crushed by a bell tower, they're completely fine. MJ resists the urge to punch Peter in the arm for scaring her shitless and just acknowledges his presence with a nod. She notices he's completely soaked though. Did he fall in a canal or what? She doesn't ask. She's a bit mad at him, to be honest.
Mr Harrington and Mr Dell decide that the day is over and they all head back to the hotel. MJ is a bit disappointed, but she keeps it to herself. They get to their rooms, shower and change, then dinner, and after that they all hang out in the common room of the hotel. Unsurprisingly, all anyone can talk about is what happened this afternoon.
"BuzzFeed says there's a sailor named Morris Bench who was exposed to an experimental underwater generator and got hydro powers." Flash says, pacing the room, eyes on his phone.
"Yeah, you should definitely believe everything you read on the internet." MJ points out sarcastically.
"Spider-Man could take him." Flash retorts and MJ rolls her eyes. She's siting on the second to last step of the stairs. Ned and Betty are looking at updates on Ned's computer, Yasmin and Zoha are trying out the Venetian masks they bought, Brad is watching the news, Flash is being his usual obnoxious self. And Peter's on the phone with May, behind her. Should she tell him to say hi from her? Probably not, she hasn't seen her in a long time. It's a shame, she likes May.
"Who is that guy?" Betty asks, as they all watch the news footage of the monster and Bubble-Head man for the thousandth time.
"He's like Iron Man and Thor rolled into one." Brad says with awe and MJ almost rolls her eyes.
"He's alright," Flash snorts, "He's no Spider-Man."
There it is again. "What is it with you and Spider-Man?"
"What?" Flash tilts, "He's just awesome okay? He protects the neighborhood and you know he's inspiring, he inspires me to be a better man." As he talks, MJ sees Peter in the corner of her eye standing there with his arms folded across his chest, and seriously she's never seen him like this, what is that, a superhero pose? And then there it is again, Flash's repressed feelings for Parker or something: "What's up dickwad? Thought you drowned." he shoots at him with a wink.
Peter's disgruntled face is everything.
"Sounds like his name is Mysterio," Brad says, ignoring Flash.
"'L'uomo del misterio' is Italian for 'man of mystery' they don't actually know who he is." MJ explains. She still thinks Bubble-head man sounds better though.
"Mysterio..." Ned trails off, and then both him and Betty say 'Cool name' at the same time, and look at each other with googly eyes like it's the best feeling in the world and clearly MJ doesn't get it. She doesn't get the chance to think about it though, because then Peter is talking to her.
"So, how much of that did you actually see?" he asks shyly, pointing to the TV.
"Not much I was… running."
"Right me too I was also running… away." Smooth, Parker, real smooth. He's not looking at her anymore, and she wonders once again what he actually did. She looks back to the TV, thinking he's not going to say anything else, but he actually does. "So Paris tomorrow? Go to the Eiffel Tower, should be great."
She kind of wants to ask him what he's up to because somehow he looks like a man with a plan, but she settles for something less cocky because she's not really feeling it right now. The espresso have worn off, apparently. "I read it was secretly build as a mind antenna to create an army of the insane."
And as always when she tells him something like this, the only thing that comes out of his mouth is a small 'Oh' that has her smirk. She quickly adds, looking up to him with a grin: "Which is why it's my favorite destination of the whole trip."
And he chuckles and gives her that genuine Parker smile, and her heart does a back flip in her chest as they stare at each other like two smiling idiots for a split second too long. And then they look away at the same time, and her heart is pounding again, and she has to take a deep breath to calm down.
Yep, they're definitely going somewhere.
And it's as exciting as it is terrifying.
If you read this, please comment. I have no idea if people are reading or not LOL it is a lonely existence.
