A/N: Hey everyone! How's your quarantine going? As most of you know I am a teacher and I'm finally finished with all our online training and I have my classes set up and ready to go. Why do you care? That means I can focus on my story again and finish this up! I have a few more chapters left and I have been reading all y'all's comments and thank you for them all!

Suspend reality for this chapter, folks. I get a bit whimsical here, but it's an idea that's been floating around in my brain for a while. Let me know what you think:


I didn't know where I was. It was dark and my head hurt. Something was missing. I remember what it was.

"Bella?" I heard the voice say. It was Carlisle. But I couldn't make my mouth move. And then there was silence.

It was so silent it was almost deafening. When I finally managed to move my thoughts away from that paradox I thought about what I was feeling. Nothing. I couldn't feel anything-no pain, no bed beneath me, no...

I was floating in complete darkness again when I remembered what I had forgotten. I had a daughter! I had to get back to her.

"Bella, please come back to me," I heard Jake's whisper. I felt a flash of pressure from his hand on mine and the softness of his lips on my fore head.

Jake was waiting for me, too!

But I didn't know how to get back. I spun in circles, but the darkness was so thick, I just got dizzy. I was frightened and alone.

But the pain was gone.

"This way, Bella," a different voice called.

"Mom?"

I didn't say it, but I didn't need to. My thoughts were understood.

"Yes, baby, it's me," the voice said. "Follow the sound of my voice."

Somehow I did.

"But you died. How are you…" I stopped because then it occurred to me. "Am I dead?" As I moved in the direction of her voice, the darkness dissipated in to a murky gray.

"No, baby, you're not dead," I could see her silhouette now. When I look back on my memory of that experience, I could never remember what she was wearing, but I could remember how I felt, almost as if I was transported back there. There was someone else with her.

"Then how can I see you?"

"You're at the crossroads," the other figure said. Her voice was sweet and I could make out her honey-gold hair and stark green eyes. Edward's eyes.

"Esme?" I asked, tentatively.

"Yes. And Renee was good enough to allow me to accompany her to tell you how grateful I am that you love my Edward." Guilt stabbed at my heart in her presence.

"But I left him," I admitted. It was an emotion that had clung in the backside of my mind for that past six months. I'd abandoned Edward almost at the moment he reached out for help.

"No, dear. You didn't abandon him. He only sought help after he abandoned you. It was only when he finally realized he'd lost everything that he sought help. It was necessary or he would have continued in his patterns and you would have broken under the strain. I watched my mother suffer as you did."

I was a bit disconcerted that she knew what I was thinking even though I hadn't vocalized it.

"We both know what you are thinking. There are no such barriers here," Renee said. She said it, but it wasn't vocal. There was a difference between my thoughts and what I said, but I didn't use my throat. It was very confusing, but made sense all at the same time.

"I can't hear you," I said, confused. But I couldn't hear her musing.

"You won't be here long enough to learn how," Esme said. I didn't know if that made me happy or sad.

"Did you mean what you said about Edward? I still love him, I just can't live with him," I said.

"I know. And that is his own doing." Esme took a step closer to me. "Deep down, Edward is a good man. But he has to find that out on his own. I am proud of you, Bella. You chose to keep this baby no matter what it cost you. I just wanted to share my gratitude for you." Her smile was just as lovely as Carlisle described.

"I miss him so much," she smiled at my thought of her husband. I felt how much she loves him and it was almost overwhelming.

"Baby, I'm proud of you, too. But I came to apologize," Renee said, diverting my attention from Esme.

"For what?" I asked. But all the memories of the times her thoughtlessness hurt me sprang to my mind almost at once. She looked sad and nodded.

"I was too young to settle down. I did the right thing by trying to raise you the best I knew how, but I hurt you and Charlie along the way. When I was ready, I had to marry a man almost half my age and we were extremely happy. But, I think, the best thing I did for you was send you back to your father when you were ten. He was much more stable than I was and that was the biggest reason I did it. It was never because I didn't want you."

Tears sprang to my eyes and she knew she had hit the nail on the head. She knew what I was thinking and I repressed the urge to deny it.

"I did it for Charlie, too. He needed you—to be near you. I left him in a fit of rage and took you to spite him. Sending you back to him was the only way I could make amends to him no matter how much it hurt me. Or," she looked down at her hands, "or even you. And I am so sorry for that, baby." Esme reached out to her and nodded with a contented smile. I sorted through my feelings that barreled through hurt, anger, sadness, and then relief. I was only able to enjoy the latter before the fear set in.

"Mom, how am I going to do this without you?" I asked. It was something I had been wondering for that past few months even though she really wasn't a great maternal role model. Renee chuckled.

"Bella, you have Sue and now Ruby. You and Rachel will be going through the exact same things together especially since her little boy was born at almost the exact same moment as your daughter. You've always had a great maternal instinct. You raised me," she added. I laughed out loud. "Besides, Jake will be by your side."

"You hated that I was dating Jake in high school," I said knowing she'd hear the thought anyway.

"Because I didn't want you to be trapped in Forks like I was. I resented your father for that. But I've learned two very valuable things watching you since I've been here."

"What's that?" I asked. I really wanted to know.

"That one, you will find a way to do what is best for you, no matter what. Even married to Edward who tried to control every aspect of your life, you found a way to do what you love. And two, that you are more like Charlie than you are like me. That hurt at first, but then it was comforting when you found out you were pregnant. You are going to be a great mother who is not 'stuck' anywhere." She smiled and I felt her sincerity.

I thought about that and I had to say that I was relieved. Just like that first night I saw Jake again after all those years, so many hurt and mixed feelings were cleared up in such a short amount of time. I took a deep breath, though I didn't really think I needed to. And I felt better.

So much better.

"Sarah is here," Esme said. I felt my eyes grow wide.

"Jake's mom? Can I see her, too?" I asked. The murky haze seemed to part like a curtain and a third figure appeared. I gasped because it was almost like looking at Rachel and Rebekkah.

"Oh sweet, Bella!" she said as she came into focus. "I don't even know where to begin."

"Try it," Renee told her. "You've been here longer than me."

"She's already picked up on some of my projections," Esme added.

"Try what?" I asked, confused.

"Words cannot adequately convey what I want to tell you, so I am going to see if you can feel it." I didn't know what she meant, but then I was overcome with so many emotions at once.

Love.

Admiration.

Concern followed by more love.

Gratitude.

Somehow I knew that she saw my relationship with Jake as one of the things that made her happiest. She was grateful for my presence in the lives of her family, before and after she passed. She saw my sabbatical from Forks as cathartic for her son and my return as redemptive. I don't know how I knew all that, but I did. I felt it.

"I can't be all that," I whispered.

"But you already are," Sarah said. "Whether you see it and believe it or not, you are." Her soft brown eyes were wet with all the emotion she channeled into me.

"I feel the same about Edward. When he finally has his own awakening, he will come to you and ask for forgiveness. And, I know you will be kind. That gives me hope for him," Esme added. Esme's emotions added to what I was already feeling from Sarah. It was overwhelming and wonderful all at the same time. It gave me strength and I felt power in their assurances.

"Go back now, baby. Go be with your family and theirs. Continue to nurture them, just as you've always done. We're never too far away," Renee said. I wanted to go back. As wonderful as it was to see all of them, I wanted to get back to Jake and my baby.

"But how do I get back?" I asked, remembering how dark it was before they came.

"It will get dark again when we retreat. Jake will call to you again, he hasn't left your side. Follow his voice like you followed mine," Renee instructed. I looked at all three women and tried to memorize their faces. I tried to concentrate on all the love and gratitude I felt for each of them. Each of them nodded their appreciation before they began to retreat.

"We feel it, baby. Thank you!" Renee said before the darkness enveloped me again.

I wasn't frightened this time.

"Bella, please come back to me," Jake's voice rang through the darkness. I followed it as swiftly as I could.

"Jake!" I called. But, again, I knew he couldn't hear me. I continued in the direction of his voice for an indeterminable amount of time. There was no sense of time, not that I could understand, but the journey took a while. Then, there was a dull ache in my head that steadily grew stronger. Gradually other parts of my body began to hurt and I was grateful. That meant I was back where I was supposed to be.

"Bella?" Jake gasped. I blinked my eyes and gazed on his tight, worried face.

"Jake?" my voice was raspy, but he heard it. Relief washed over his chiseled face and his eyes closed under its weight.

"Carlisle!" he cried out, looking in the direction of the door.

"Where's my baby?" I asked. "Tell me she's okay." The worry in Jake's eyes morphed to joy before he lowered them to the bundle of blankets in his arms.

"She's right here, Bells. I haven't put her down since she was born," he said. His eyes darted back up to mine. I made a small movement to gaze upon my daughter, but I was stopped by Carlisle's concerned voice.

"Bella, how do you feel?" Carlisle asked. He stepped in front of Jake and my baby and shined his pen light in my eyes. The frustration I felt at him blocking my view welled up inside me.

"Like a truck hit me. Now move so I can see my baby!" my tone desperate. A look of shock crossed his face and he stepped back apologetically. "Hold her up so I can see her," I commanded Jake in a desperate voice.

Jake did as he was told, his eyes flicking between me and Carlisle. There was a crop of curly, copper hair on top of her perfect little head. Her eyes were closed and she was sucking on two of her tiny, little fingers. Gingerly, he placed her in my arms.

I touched her nose, caressed the top of her head feeling the silkiness of her curls.

"She's beautiful," I gasped. The sight of her sleeping and, well, it took my breath away.

"She is," Jake said with the goofiest smile I had ever seen. "Look, Blippy, your momma is awake."

"Carlisle, do what you need to do now. I'm sorry I snapped at you. I just needed to hold her."

"It's quite alright," he said, looking relieved. He stepped forward and began checking my vitals while I continued to stare at the perfect little being I had made. I made her. She came out of me! I felt Jake's eyes on me and when I looked over I could see the same look of awe I was feeling.

"I'll go get your father," Jake said, standing up and walking to the door.

"Don't you go too far!" I said. His answering smile was filled with love and relief.

"I won't. I'll wait until Carlisle tells us to come back in," he said. I reluctantly nodded after I looked at Carlisle. The door shut softly behind him.

"You had us very worried, Bella," he said as he checked my pulse and monitors.

"How long have I been out?" I asked. The baby started to move. I rocked her gently, feeling whole again.

"A few hours," he returned.

"I had the strangest dream," I said. I didn't know how to phrase what had just happened to me. But I could remember it all, like it had really happened. And I felt the strongest urge to tell him parts of it. It was like Esme was still communicating to me. I had to tell him.

"Really," he asked as he finished checking everything to his satisfaction. "That's not uncommon." He sat on the edge of my bed like he was truly interested. That encouraged me.

"I saw Esme," I said. His head tilted as he gazed at me. It wasn't a skeptical look, just a little disbelieving.

"You saw Esme in your dream?" he asked. His piercing blue eyes turned watery. I nodded.

"Do you think I'm crazy?" I asked. He paused for a few beats as if he were gauging my mental clarity.

"No. I've heard of these things happening before, but I don't know how to explain them," he finally replied.

"Me, neither. I would say it was just a dream, but it was so vivid, and I've never had a dream where I felt so much and remembered it all. She gave me a message for you," I hedged. "Would you like to hear it?"

He reluctantly nodded.

"She told me to tell you it's okay to marry again," I said, biting my lip. He just stared at me. "She told me things about her father and Edward. She said she's happy I love Edward, but to quit feeling guilty for leaving him." I paused and he nodded, like he wanted me to continue. "Finally, she told me," I didn't know how else to explain what I'd felt right before the darkness came again, "that you've waited long enough and that you deserve to be happy."

Carlisle stood and then sat down in the chair that Jake had just vacated. He looked at the floor for a few moments before looking up again.

"I don't know what to say," he finally said. He ran his hand through his blonde locks before he sighed.

I didn't either so I didn't say anything. I could tell he didn't like talking about it and the long silence had me worried I had ruined our relationship. I didn't know him that well, after all.

"I'm sorry," I finally said. "I shouldn't have said anything." I bit my lip. "I know it sounds crazy, I just felt so strongly that I needed to tell you." He finally looked back up at me and sighed. His eyes were sad, but his smile was genuine.

"I don't think you're crazy, Bella. I think you had an extraordinary experience. I will take that advice under consideration," he said and patted my hand. "Your heart stopped for a bit and we were able to bring you back. We are going to monitor you closely for the next couple of days." He was changing the subject and I let him. "Your blood pressure is back to normal which makes me very happy. Dr. Sandy is reviewing the tests we did while you were out and she'll be in here in a little while." I nodded.

"Can you get Jake back?" I asked. Dr. Cullen nodded and left the room.

Jake and my dad came back in. Charlie stood at the foot of my bed while Jake sat beside me on the bed, looking down at our little blip. She wasn't a blip anymore, she was real.

"She has all her fingers and toes. I counted them just for you," he whispered. I couldn't tear my eyes away from her. She woke up and her unfocused eyes found my face and she began to whimper. "She's probably really hungry. She hasn't eaten yet. The nurses were waiting to see if you woke up soon. They were going to bottle feed her if you didn't. I know how much you were set on nursing her. That's why I wouldn't put her down."

"Thank you, Jake," I said, my tone relieved and appreciative, but I didn't take my eyes off her. I opened the front of my gown so I could feed her.

"Do you want me to leave?" Charlie asked. He cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"No," I said. I refused to feel uncomfortable about nursing in front of my father. He sighed and took a seat in the chair furthest from my bed. Whatever. Charlie would have to get over that.

I'd done all the reading on the benefits of nursing and all the tricks and possible problems. Her little whimpers had turned in to cries, but they still weren't very loud. My little girl was perfect. I adjusted a little as Jake leaned forward to watch her. I tried a few times as I remembered the suggestions and it didn't take as long as I feared.

"She latched on!" I said, excitedly. I finally looked up at Jake who gazed on with so much love in his eyes.

"You're doing great, honey!" he replied. I looked over at my dad and saw him wipe a tear from his eye.

"Dad? What's wrong?" I asked.

"I thought we lost you," he said. "And here you sit, nursin' your little one like none of that happened. I'm just so darned grateful right now." I knew what he felt. I thought I knew what it was like to love someone after finding Jake again. But what I felt for my little girl, it didn't compare to anything I had ever known. And he was looking at his little girl—that was what he was feeling.

"I love you, dad. And Jake, thank you for looking after her. I love you both so much!" I said. I wanted to tell them about my dream, but it wasn't the right time. I could feel that as strongly as I felt the need to tell Carlisle as soon as I woke up.

Carlisle and a nurse came in with a file folder full of papers. "I'm so happy you're back with us! Oh! She's eating!" she said happily. "Looks like you got the hang of it, momma! That is so great!"

"Something was bound to go right eventually," I remarked. She smiled back at me.

"So, I have the paperwork here to make this birth official. Do you have a name picked out yet?" she asked.

"I do," I responded. Both Jake and Charlie looked at me, interested. They knew I'd picked out a boy's name, but the dream made my girl's name change. And a girl's name had been a source of many arguments between Jake and me.

"Alrighty then," she said, opening the file and clicking her pen.

"Renesme Carlie," I said slowly. All eyes swung to me in disbelief.

"Can you spell that for me?" the nurse asked, nonplussed. I did so.

"Where did you come up with that?" Jake said with a little smirk.

"Well, it puts together all the names of her grandparents. Renee, Esme, Carlisle, and Charlie.

"Oh, Bella, I think it's beautiful," Carlisle said, his clear blue eyes growing watery again. "But that's not necessary, on our part, that is."

"Carlisle, you saved both my father and me. You have been nothing but generous and kind. And I, like Edward, don't talk about my mother often enough because it has been too painful. That is going to end right now," I explained.

"But Bella, she won't be able to spell it until she's forty two," Jake said, chuckling. I sent him a scathing look.

"Our daughter will be smarter than that," I hissed. He immediately looked contrite.

"You're right. Our daughter will be," he whispered, his bright smile wide.

"And Swan for the last name?" the nurse asked, still looking down at the papers. When I didn't say anything she looked up at me from the forms. "Bella?"

"Well," I stuttered, looking at Jake, "we better tell them, right?" I bit my lip, nervous.

"Yes," he whispered back. "You'd do that now?" His eyes were so full of joy and love.

I glanced at my dad and then Carlisle who both looked completely confused. "Jake and I got married in Hawaii after Quil and Claire's reception. We didn't want to steal their thunder and we both felt like it was important to do before the baby came."

He smiled, leaned in a kissed me. I kissed him back and Renesme whimpered. We both looked down and she'd detached from my breast.

"Do you need to burp?" I asked her. I sat her up, ensuring I supported her tiny neck, and patted her gently on the back.

"You two got married?" Charlie asked with a smile hidden behind his beard.

"How wonderful!" Carlisle said with a clap of his hands.

"So, what am I putting down?" the nurse asked, a little confused.

"Renesme Carlie Black," Jake answered.

"And the father?" she continued on like nothing significant was going on at all.

"Jacob Ephraim Black," I said. I answered the rest of her questions while trying to get Renesme to latch on to the other side. It did not go as easily as the first side.

"Damn it!" I said, growing frustrated. Renesme was fussing, I knew she was still hungry and I just couldn't do it right. The nurse finished up her paperwork and came over to assist me.

"Try this honey," she said in a sweet voice. She repositioned me so I was reclining and laid the baby on top of me. It worked and I gave her a grateful smile. "She's a hungry little eater," she said.

"Well, if I hadn't have died for a little while, this wouldn't be such an issue," I cooed at her while she sucked and grunted. Jake shifted and my dad gasped.

"You gotta joke about that, kid?" Charlie asked. The look on his face was not a happy one.

"Let's be happy I'm here to joke," I countered with a smirk. Jake chuckled, but Charlie didn't look happy at all. "Look, if I don't laugh at it, I'll cry. And I got all kinds of hormones coursing through my body and I don't want to cry, I'd rather laugh." Charlie nodded and his mustache twitched. That was a good sign.

"Okay, let's let Bella rest," Dr. Cullen suggested.

"I'll go tell Billy and Rachel that you're fine and the baby is well," Charlie said. "I'm sure glad you came back to us." He grabbed my foot and gave it a shake.

"Me, too, dad," I said. "And tell Rachel congratulations on her son. Paul must be over the moon!"

"You have no idea. He's already planning his first hunting trip," Dad replied. "See ya, kid."

"Well, I have a ton of paperwork to fill out since I stepped in," Carlisle said. "Jake, are you staying?"

"I'm not leaving her side," Jake said, looking at Renesme. I didn't know if he was talking about me or the baby. But that didn't matter anymore. The fact that he seemed to love her as much as I did was comforting and wonderful.

We were alone again and Renesme burped loudly. "Sounds like her burps are louder than her cries," he said with a smile.

"Fine with me," I said and yawned. The epidural had worn off and I was feeling the pain. But my headache was gone. I wrapped Renesme up and stared at her for a while longer. "My little Blip," I cooed.

"How did you know Rachel had a baby boy?" Jake asked. Rachel refused to find out the gender of her baby before he was born. I think it was mostly to irritate Paul, but Jake said she did it because we hadn't found out so she didn't want to find out.

"What do you mean?" I asked, not really paying attention to him. How could I when I had a bundle of perfection in my lap.

"I mean, no one told you that Rachel had a boy, how did you know?" he asked. That got my attention and the dream was still as vivid in my mind as when I woke up. I told him about seeing his mother and that she is happy for me and Jake. I didn't give him any other details right then, though I shared the rest of the details with him later.

"Bella, really?" he asked, his tone reverent. He immediately believed me and that confused me.

"You don't think I'm crazy?" I asked. I felt like I was on repeat. I'd never really believed in anything after death. It's not really that I didn't believe, I'd never really thought about it. And I still wasn't sure if it was just a dream of all my fears and sadness or if it was real. But it was comforting to think it was real.

"No, Bella, I don't think you're crazy. Our history is riddled with visions like that. And," he reached out for my hand, "I had a dream about my mom before I went off the Rice. She didn't say anything, but I could feel how proud she was of me." I knew exactly what he meant.

"I saw Esme, too. That's where I came up with the name," I explained. He looked deep into my eyes and then leaned down and kissed the tip of my nose before he rested his forehead on mine.

"Okay, then I won't make fun of it," he said with a sweet smile. He believed me and that made me feel good.

"I am tired, though. Do you want to hold her again?" I asked.

"Always," he replied, holding out his arms. I handed her to him and she almost fit into both of his large palms. She was small, but Carlisle said that she was perfectly healthy despite my eclampsia and other issues.

"Hey, Nessie," he cooed at her.

"Don't you dare!" I warned, pointing my index finger at him.

"What?" he asked, startled.

"You are not going to call my daughter after a fictional Scottish lake monster!" I explained like he was an idiot.

"Well, it's a lot easier to say, is all I'm sayin'" he answered. He didn't argue, but I knew I'd already lost that fight. I stretched as I yawned and winced at all the aches and pains I felt all over my body.

It'd been a rough day, but also wonderful in so many ways.


Thoughts? Too far fetched, or sweet?

I have a few chapters left.