Thank you all so much for your well-wishes and support. I am in a much better place than I was before and am slowly getting back into the swing of writing. I hope you enjoy this chapter.


The Handler

The sun began to set.

"Do you recall the events from long ago, of the night that I challenged you?"

"I remember it well, as do they all."

"Often I think of that moment. I wonder, did you know it would happen?"

"Yes."

"As clearly as you know what will happen on this day and the day after?"

"Yes."

"So it was my shock that I saw reflected in your gaze and not your own. Pity. I had hoped that my rebellion would have wounded you. If only just a little so you would know how I—"

"I know exactly how you felt in that moment. I know how you feel now."

"And yet you won't admit it? Even now can you not see that I was right and you were wrong to place them above me?"

The sun burned in the sky, it's rays casting a red-orange glow upon the clouds…

"Why do you give no answer?"

"There are no words in existence, no phrases that you can pull that will allow you to twist my words. I have told you what is, and what will become. There is no one who can question it, not even you."

Darkness crept in… Lou glided across the clouds, her dark eyes focused on the falling sun. "But wasn't that my purpose?" She held out her hands and glanced around her. "Even now I am at your beck and call, a servant even though I have rebelled, even though I was cast out, forced to fall."

"You made your own choice."

"It was no choice of mine!"

The last rays of light lingered in the sky… Soon night fell and the stars lit up the sky.

Wisps of Lou's hair blew in front of her face. Tilting her head back, she sought and quickly found the brightest star. "Just as before, you fooled me into believing that I could freely make a choice, that my words would be my own." The corners of her mouth tilted down as she shook her head. "But my words you already knew. And my kingdom you had already prepared. As if my humiliation and scorn weren't enough, you took from me my light, tore it from my grasp," she sneered, her hands clawing at the sky, "and gifted it to them…whom I despise most of all."

She laughed. "Rather than set my light, my beautiful, beautiful light as a sun to rival what just fell, you placed it in the night sky to guide their way. My ruin became their grace, a moral compass that they know nothing of."

Closing her eyes, she reeled back her anger, knowing it would gain her nothing. When she opened her eyes next, flames danced in them. "Admit it to me, if to no one else," she whispered. "Tell me that I was right, that it was a mistake to create man, knowing that they would never love you without fear."

"What was said, shall become."

Her shoulders shook as she laughed silently. "No one else is given this privilege," she told Him. "You speak to no one else, none of the fallen."

"I am right," Lou continued, looking down across the earth. "I am the part of you who have always known, who…does what a tender heart can not." She looked up to the sky, past the starts, further past the planets and galaxies, her graze piercing and see the gates that held her back. "Do you know how I know I've won?" She taunted. "You said you would love man more than I, yet when they sin, when they did not fall to their knees when they refuse you and your grace, you look at them and no longer see them. At that moment you are more repelled and enraged than I can ever be, why you forget their very name. 'I do not know you', " she mimicked perfectly.

"Not once have you forgotten my name." turned on her heel and began to walk down to earth.

"The door will close, and on that day no one who dwells there shall be remembered," cried a voice from the Heavens.

Lou stopped dead in her tracks. Fury had her trembling. "Then I will do my best to see to it that you remember only your precious son, your joined spirit, and yourself." Turning back around, her gaze shot to the heavenly gates once more. "I will take your strongest," she promised. "Hell will be filled with the souls of every great soul you had set your sights upon your saints, your mystics, martyrs, and most of all…your paladins."

… … …

Uriel, the Archangel of memory, stood silently before James. His features were delicate yet sharp, eyes closed as the silver arc that protruded from his forehead saw for him. Holding his staff in his hands, he gripped it firmly, peering deeper into James's memory.

"That is unusual," he spoke aloud, his indigo robes billowing out around him.

"What is it?" Johann, another archangel, asked.

"The first memory is a prophecy." Gray light spilled onto James face as Uriel opened his eyes.

"A prophecy?" Johann repeated astonished.

"Yes, though it seems for naught. Had he not the mark, his fate would have already been decided."

Clutched in both hands Johann held his sword, only blue light emitting from the openings of his robes. "Prophecy or not, the mark does not spare him or another paladin judgment."

"No, but it governs how we are to approach him," Uriel countered.

"He is here in both life and death, and neither you or I am equipped to judge him as he is now." This was the truth. They were there to judge souls, not to pass the final judgment.

"It is not possible for his kind to enter here of their own accord, he was sent." Johanna declared.

"Yes," Uriel replied unperturbed.

"So then you know who did this?" Johann incredulously turning to look at his brother.

"Ilmarinen."

Johann's eyes snapped to the sky. "The arc of light," he said in realization, "that was his charge."

"Yes."

"Ilmarinen must have her body," Johann voiced aloud, "and he," he growled, looking to James 'must have some of her soul."

"Yes."

"Well," he stated tersely, "he is a paladin, he may fight to claim it, or lose himself in the process. it is his right." He gripped the hilt of his sword. "Let him through the gates."

"He will not survive in his condition," Uriel told him.

"Of that, I am counting on."

Uriel sighed heavily. "You must let the past go, brother…"

"How can I?" He answered softly. His gaze fell to James' hand. "it stares me in the face."

Disgust was evident in Johann's voice when he said, "Look at him, he will never make it past the wall."

"Phineas may join him in his quest, it is his domain after all."

"He will kill him on sight."

"Only if he is here to deceive. If he is here for a purpose, no harm will come to him."

Peering out around him, Uriel counted the untold number of all the souls present, who stood together in stillness and quiet, their memories and secrets told to Uriel and those like him. Once he knew what was revealed in their minds and hearts, they were taken beyond the wall, to walk either a narrow or wide path. Some had guardians to be their guide other devils to ensure they lost their way. What became of them was beyond his control, beyond his concern. However, James was a special case. He was here, body and soul, a murder with the mark of a protector.

"He stands before us as though it were his final judgment," Johann stated, coming forward to circle James. "…without worry or…fear."

The hood of Johann's robe fell back. He peered into Jamie's face with over a dozen eyes. With a pair of eyes staring into James own, the rest looked into the many rooms of James' heart. "Oh, no, I am mistaken," Johann corrected, "there is fear in this heart."

"Fear," Johann repeated once more, "and…doubt." He studied James. "This was not a mission he chooses willingly. It was forced upon him. I'm certain of it."

"I sense no threat," Uriel spoke. Already he was standing before another soul, that of a young child. "It could not be the work of her or her kind, so it must be that of a guardian." He held out his hand, light flowing from his palm and encircling the spirit. The child beamed.

"This way," Uriel instructed the child. "Take the narrow path, Olafur will be your guide." A narrow pathway revealed, the scent of roses filling the space all around them.

"I have been waiting for this moment…" An angel with the face of roses knelt before the child. "Are you ready to come home?"

The child nodded and threw his arms around the angel's neck. "Yes!"

When the angel and child passed through the gate, it sealed again.

"Why doesn't it speak?" Johann demanded when James was silent.

Uriel moved further down the line, other angels coming to take their charges to either heaven or hell. "Our voices are too strong for the body, perhaps his hearing is gone."

Johann snickered. "This is a disservice to every paladin. He's come here, in body and soul, and can not even work between the two? if his hearing is gone, then his body is weaker than I thought. His soul is weaker than i—" he broke off when a croak erupted from James.

"I—"

"He can speak," Uriel marveled, returning his gaze to the two.

"It can croak like a frog," Johann snapped.

Slowly James was coming out of his stupor. Their voices were pounding in his mind, causing his ears to ring and his body to shake. "I-I…" Why was it so hard to move his lips, to raise his voice? Unable to look away from the massive guardian, he focused desperately on the empty space below the hood. "…I-i…"

"Yes," Uriel persisted, making his way toward James, "go on. You?"

James shook his head, swaying on his feet and nearly falling back. Regain control, don't lose focus. Sweat dotted his forehead, the mark on his palm tingled. Be strong, it seemed to whisper. "I'm n-not.."

"This is a waste of time." Johanns hood fell back again. "If he can not gain control of his senses to state his case, then all efforts he has made to get here are futile—"

"-Give him time," Uriel commanded. "You know as well as That it has been quite some time since he last saw inside himself."

Uriel looked over his shoulder to stare at the other angel. "And, you better than I, just what his heart hold, and the severity of it.' At his brother's words, Johann turned his attention to Jame's heart." Give him time," Uriel said once more.

Nothing had prepared James for what would take place when he arrived. He expected to be thrown into a world of chaos, instead, he had fallen, righted himself, and turned around coming face to face with an angel. The immense size of it, the sheer magnificence and horror had him so terrified that he was frozen stiff. To make matters worse, he could feel every bit of its probing of his mind, yet he was powerless to stop it.

The memories of his past poured from him. There wasn't a single thought he could keep with himself. And so came the joy and the pain. All over again he lived his life, saw every mistake, every way out that he had ignored.

For so long he thought he had been born evil that it was just deep inside, yet he knew now that he chose to hold onto his anger, willingly, every single day. The kills were just an excuse to rid himself of feeling, to make another feel as he felt,"— it is too late for that now, James."

Shaking, James was pulled from his thoughts.

Uriel tilted his head to the side, the light radiating around him dimming to a soft, warm glow. "You can hear us well, can you not?"

"Y-y-yes."

"See brother, he is not weak at all," Uriel announced. "At least, his flesh is not weak. It was always the opposite for you James, the mind is willing but the flesh is weak, for you, the flesh was strong, and the mind…" he trailed off with a sigh.

"Is weak!" Johann finished with a snarl.

"Oh, no, do not fear him, neither he or I have been given a command to do what is just." It should have been a comfort, but instead, it just made James more terrified. Death was to be his, justice was always meant to be had. He was just on borrowed time.

Cowering under their intense scrutiny, James made to take a step back.

In a blink, Uriel was replaced by Johann who stood towering over James. "Have you no heart at all?" The being criticized. "No remorse for what you've done, or do you see without seeing?"

"He doesn't even know what's he's done," Johann breathed. "He doesn't know the nature of the lives he's taken."

"I'm sorry," James blurted. "I… saw… I… didn't…"

The blue light around Johann darkened. "You do not even know what to repent for." Static energy fizzled in the air between them. "You were never just a killer of men, but of your own kind. How many paladins were lost because of you, and yet you still wear the mark."

Indigo light splotched the deep navy, growing until the color was bled out. "Easy brother," Uriel comforted with a firm grasp on Johanns' shoulder.

"He does not understand."

Uriel gave Johanns shoulder firm squeeze. "Then he will see it again." His eyes met James. "He will see his past until he sees what he has missed."

"W-what do you—" James broke off. Light pierced his eyes and he saw white until darkness bled through, and the light again as he was born, forced to watch his life again, over and over until he could see what he had not yet seen before."

... ... ... Flashback... ... ...

The first card was death.

Across the table the middle-aged woman gasped, clutching her jeweled necklace. "Don't worry," the fortune teller comforted, "death is not the end, but the beginning."

Visibly shaken, the woman eyed the card wearily. "I-if you say so…"She pursed her lips. "Well…what does it mean?"

Sunlight hit the card as the fortune teller twirled it between deft fingers. Tilting her head to the side she eyed the skull on the card, her raven hair falling over her face as she pondered it. "Hmm…"

"Yes?" The woman persisted.

"Another dollar, another card. That one will explain further."

The woman scoffed. "Well, I never!" Blustering, she reached for her pocketbook and nearly tore it apart as she made to open it. "On second thought, I don't really think I should. First, you say you'll read my palm and then you need a card, now its two cards—"

"You say all of this and yet you'll pay me regardless."

The fortune teller placed the card on the table. " Now it will cost you everything. Pay me."

"Now," she demanded when the woman remained still.

Lips straightening into a grim line, the woman did as she told. it was on the tip of her tongue to argue, to leave, but the look in the fortune teller's eye had her backing down.

Wordlessly, the fortune teller took the cash, pocketing it into her red silk robe.

"First you received death, the sign that change is soon to come. But what will bring about this change, let us see." The fortune teller drew another card.

"Swords!" the woman shrieked. "First death, now swords."

"It is death that's coming for me isn't it? I can feel it… Oh God in—"

"Silence!"

The woman's mouth snapped shut. "If it is a miracle you want, get on your knees," The fortunate teller told her, "if it is your fortune you wish to know, a life you want to change, then you stay here and let me read for you."

"Conflict is the purpose of the sword," she continued much softer this time. She placed the card down. "Maybe it is yourself that holds you back, your own fear of living, of being free… And maybe, it is another, one who holds you, controls your every move. The sword has been placed into your hand and in the hand of the one or thing that oppresses you, you will fight, the outcome will change everything."

Sweeping back her hair, the fortune teller shuffled the cards. Fanning them out her fingertips began to dance above them. Settling on one, she removed it from the others and turned it over.

Her dark eyes flashed. "Interesting."

"W-what? What is it?" the woman asked eagerly, sitting on the edge of her seat now.

Shrugging her shoulder the woman put the card back into the deck without showing the woman, quickly doing the same with the others.

"Don't I need to know that one, what I need to bring change. to keep my fortune?"

"The fortune you want to keep isn't yours. To make your fortune you must look to the earth, to keep it, you must do what is forbidden."

"I don't understand."

The fortune teller chuckled. "Oh my!" Covering her face she laughed into her hands. Peeking out between her fingers she smiled. "Oh no," she giggled. "You are mistaken."

Lowering her hands she leaned forward across the table. "That fortune was not for you."

"Then who was it for?"

The fortune tellers eyes cut across the room to the window. "His."

James was pulled forcibly from the window.

"What are you doing!?" Elijah whispered furiously. "I told you to keep behind me." Glaring he lied his eyes to peer into the window, his glare intensified when he caught sight of the fortune tellers grin. "Damn, demon!" He spat.

"C'mon, boy!"

Yanking James by the arm, he all but dragged him down the street.

"You'll be having nothin' to do with the likes of 'em, do you understand, boy. They ain't like us. That there," he continued, navigating through pedestrians, "is devil worship. Don't mess with it, and do go believin' in it. It's lies. All of it."

Stumbling to keep up, James felt his lips move before he had the good sense to stop them. "But paw, didn't you hear? she said good things would happen"

Elijah stopped dead in his tracks. "It's jus' trick's an' pumps is all. That's all the devil's got, just lies." He looked James dead in the eye. "You listen to me now, an' you listen well. A man's fate is set from life to death, you hear me boy? From life to death. Aint nothing can be done about that, James. Nothing…"

That was only the beginning. Lou, true to her word, had scouted them all, testing every paladin with all the tricks and pumps she possessed. Some like Job rebuked her at every turn, but many…many fell. And coming to realize that it was her being that put her at odds and not her cunning, she sought out a paladin to end the others. Man would suspect her, but they would think twice before believing another man could wrong them.

So, she watched him grow. Did her best to put hatred into his heart, distrust, and malice. But James proved to had a deeper will, to endure what was thrown. There was a speck of hope in his spirit that would not die.

What could she do but poison the mind?

First, as a young boy, she read a fortune and let hope grow, she reasoned. Let the boy believe that his fortune could change, that he could be free of his way of life. She knew his father would disagree, that he would rage. And James would not understand. How could money, not help? How could his future, never change for the better? This is how the seeds of doubt began.

The beatings came and went. Doubt grew. How could God allow this, James thought. How could his father for all his cruelty, be a man a god?

She began to whisper to him then, telling him of anger, dare saying the truth, that it could be righteous. Yet with the truth came lies, "Revenge is justice served. if one does wrong, they should be held accountable. They should be ut to death."

He began to wrestle with himself. Torn between the desire for freedom and the belief that had been instilled in him to honor his father. And, the vow he had to protect his sisters, his brother, how could he possibly let that go?

Sometimes your saving grace, what you use to escape, to cope can become your downfall.

Lou saw James and saw outside of himself, his heart. He would do anything for his siblings, even give his life. The degree to which he loved, the lengths which he would protect, there was no doubt in her mind that if pushed, if the moment ever arose, that he would kill for them.

Lack of food, clean food made them weak. Illness came and spread, took three of the youngest. Drowning carried away another. And one was lost when he got into the path of a runaway horse. One by one, his heart shrank, cut down to size, as the bitterness of life sunk into him.

Soon it was just him and Patricia, his twin.

A father's twisted lust and a daughters refusal came. With the mark of paladin already on his soul, he knew her fears but born beside her, there was a pact, a closeness that he could not separate. He felt her pain before he had even heard her screams. Having been sent on an errand, James sensed his sister was in danger and rushed off to her side.

He would have sworn he had flown, he reached her so quickly. throwing upon the door, and he saw her struggle. he grabbed the first thing he could, took the frying pan and hit his father over the head with it. he went down, and he pulled him off of her…

James grabbed her, tried to help her send but she couldn't walk. he carried her then. Her face was so bruised had it not been for her hair, for that yellow lace ribbon she always wore, he wouldn't have recognized her.

falling to the ground with her in his arms, he cried. "I'll get help," he promised. There was so much blood.

He knew without it being said, that help would not arrive. it took hours to reach the city from where they were. he carried her into the woods as far as he could go, and holding her, he wept. Her breaths became shallow, the blood continued to flow, and hope began to die. Lou was there for it all.

"A righteous anger is what you have," she spoke from the shadows. "Seek justice, take it with your own hands."

He left his sister beside a moss embankment and went back home. His father was there groaning on the floor. Taking the whiskey that was supposed to be forbidden, James dowsed it on his father, and taking a piece of yellow fabric, torn from his sisters dress, he lit it on fire and delivered his father to his maker.

Surprisingly his heart was not yet lost. With the light of the flames, he dug his sisters grave. Staring down at the broken face he said his goodbyes, his tears his final farewell. And just as he was to cover her with dirt, he spied it there by her shoulder, black gold. Oil.

For years he and his siblings had endured hell when heaven lay beneath their very feet.

His heart shriveled. His soul died. And his mind snapped.

For a while, he was torn. He was guilty, and then he wasn't. Wanted to live right and change for the better, but he was still mocked, still nothing to no one. He did the only thing he could, he gave into the rage.

He told himself he liked it, liked his life. But he wasn't satisfied. Those who liked him liked his money, those who sought him sought his connections. all he had was his rage, and so he killed until it became a compulsion, and when an engineer spoke of god, he decided that he had a purpose then, and that purpose was to kill god. And then the real terror began...

The faces of his victims sped past his eyes, so many more than he had first thought. And now he replied when he sought some so persistently, they were the ones who wanted to change the world. never did they get that chance.

Touched by Uriel, the images in James mind disappeared.

"You understand it now, you see your violence for what it was."

Tears welled up and fell from James' eyes.

"All this time you've done nothing but escape your past." James gulped in air, his chest rising and falling rapidly. He couldn't breathe, not deeply, something was lodged in his throat, and growing thicker as it traveled down to his heart, gripping it tightly…

"When anger losses its righteousness, it becomes rage. And rage, upon consuming its host, seeks to destroy all within its path."

As Uriel leaned closed to be face to face with James, the glow of his light enveloped them both. "From the moment you surrendered your soul, you did away with hope, and never again did you receive joy or peace. Not even with your vast fortune or fame, nothing satisfied."

The light poured into James through his eyes, calming the tears, and rushed into his mouth, loosening the tightness, removing the grief. "Never had you had to deal with your emotion until now, and now… they overwhelm you."

Blue ribbons of light wound around his blackened heart. "You see yourself for who you have become," Johanna said from behind. "You taste the bitter poison of your victims, hear their words, feel their pain… All they thought of you in their final hours were correct. And the fear, that you feel, the fear that weighs your heart and your soul down, is yours to keep."

James' knees buckled. With a cry, he fell to the ground. It felt as though a great weight was placed upon him, his palms cutting into the arms shaking as he tried to prop himself up.

"This isn't the full weight of the sins you carry," Uriel confessed sadly.

The ground shook, and the weight vanished. The softness of Johann's robe touched the back of James' neck as the being leaned down to whisper into his ear. "Remember that there is no void here—" he touched James' heart. "— You will need to feel this if you are to ever atone."

The lights of their being left James surrounded the two entities once more.

"Rise to your feet paladin, the gatekeeper has come for you."

Unable to walk, his body was lifted, and he floated through the hair to the entrance of the gate. A lush jungle welcomed him.

"Remember what you have seen," Uriel instructed.

"And what you have felt,"

James gaining control, nodded to the to beings. "I will. I promise." Turning back around, he stepped into the realm.

"He will not remember us or what transpired here," Uriel said.

"I am very much aware," Johann told him.

"Do you think he will succeed" Uriel questioned turning around and resuming his tasks.

"For what he is tasked with, failure should not be an option." Johann left the gate and returned to his post. "I think that when the moment comes, he will do as he had before, he will do what is wrong in order to do what is just."