A.N. I hope the time jumping isn't too distracting or confusing. I wrote it this way because I wanted to keep the flow of the story and have moments with our main characters consistent in each chapter without making it feel as though the story was dragging. An entire chapter with everyone else's POV on their journey to get to Fanelia seemed like it would feel… long? Or disruptive? I just thought this was better. Once the other's arrive in Fanelia the time jumping will more or less stop.
Disclaimer: I do not own "The Vision of Escaflowne" nor any of the characters therein. I am merely writing this for my own enjoyment.
WARNING: The first part in this chapter deals with alcohol consumption and some poor decisions. I am not approving of this kind of action in any way and for that reason I am spoiling this here, neither party is actually drunk. They are a little buzzed. I can tell you from experience, you can be buzzed and still know your own mind and make choices. Those might be stupid but they are choices made with a mind that is capable of discerning right and wrong. Hitomi is NOT I repeat NOT drunk. She was faking it before to get out of the party and as an excuse to act out of character. Van however, doesn't know this and tries to do the right thing and then kinda slips up. I am NOT approving or romanticizing this. I am merely writing a story about two foolish teenagers, in love and making mistakes. Please do not flame or accuse me of romanticizing rape. Next chapter with Hitomi's POV will clarify all of this. THERE IS CONSENT and sound minds making that consent. I would hope this is clear in the writing but just in case, I wanted to clarify it here.
XX
"We have a choice every day - to act on yesterday's good intentions or get an early start on tomorrow's regrets."
-Robert Brault
XX
Chapter 5: Daily Choice
XX
Fourteenth Day of the Ninth Month
136 Year of Lotica
XX
The party was in full swing now and Van wasn't certain how he felt about it. The celebration was for the official end of the War of Fortuna, a fitting name in his opinion, but though most of the countries had settled and Chid had several reports that countrymen of Fanelia were being found and directed home to the capitol, it still seemed too soon to be toasting the end to their troubles.
"Come on, everyone needs to loosen up once and a while." Dryden had crowed as he'd encouraged—forced, the man had all but poured it into his mouth—large amounts of wine on him. "You most of all I'd imagine."
Van's glare had done nothing but make the man's grin widen and then he'd somehow gotten Allen and his lackey Gadess in on it and they had spent the last hour attempting to get him "to loosen up". Van was displeased to find that although he was still very much aware of himself and what was happening around him, it was also clear that he was intoxicated. His skin was warm and tingly, sensitized and smarting, his depth perception was off and he was having trouble keeping his thoughts straight. Luckily, Dryden and Allen had felt their task completed when he had vocally told Allen that he was a philandering adulterer who obviously spent too much time on his hair. He had then proceeded to tell Allen how much he needed a haircut.
Of course he knew that what was considered appropriate in Fanelia was not always so in Asturia. Asturia was the hub of change and it was swayed continually by different fashion trends from around the world. Men with long hair were more accepted and considered handsome there, most especially in Pallas, unlike in Fanelia where such long hair was mostly frowned upon as being garish and effeminate when not viewed as dirty and careless (1).
A man's hair could touch his shoulders, perhaps a few inches beyond, but after that it was a woman's hair style. Balgus had toed that line for a while, and apparently so had his father who had picked up the trend from his friend. A Knight of Cali adhered to their own set of rules and so they were exempt from such superficial stigmas. Although Allen was indeed a Knight of Cali, Van still thought he took his hair too far. Okay, perhaps his disgust was also in part to Hitomi's apparent attraction to said locks, she had commented on it twice in the last hour as Millerna and Merle also drank the wine a little too readily and had yet to cut off Hitomi, and he was jealous, but whatever the case, after his lecture, the men had laughed and backed off allowing him to relax and figure out just how badly impaired he was.
Watching his comrades and friends in their excess and momentary high was an awkward event for him. He wanted to say he was happy to see them so relaxed, but the ever present threat that this all was only temporary as well as his own anti-social ways made it impossible for him to relax fully. Fried was the most protected and safe place at the moment, their treaty with Zaibach still very much in effect despite openly accepting everyone within their walls and declaring that they were siding with Fanelia. They were also protected by Asturia due to the familial affiliation, despite the fact that Millerna and Dryden seemed to have called their union off…
Really there were a lot of conflicting facts that made him question the actual security of this peace. He knew he was being pessimistic but he simply couldn't relax and accept it yet.
"I'm good! I can handle it!" Hitomi yelled out then and the commotion was swiftly followed by a clattering sound which drew his attention from the window he'd been scowling at. Hitomi had tripped and fallen against the table in an attempt to escape Millerna, or so it seemed from the grip the blonde woman had upon her and the way she was feebly twisting to escape said grasp. "I said let go! I'm good…"
My foot she's fine…
Van shook his head, wondering how low her tolerance was. He vaguely recalled her getting tipsy before in Asturia off of only two glasses of wine, but he couldn't be sure. He was planning to observe from his place only, but was surprised to find his gaze caught by her own.
Van stopped breathing at the pleading look to her features. The way she was looking at him made his skin tingle and his stomach to clench.
What… what is this?
He was fairly certain he knew what that look meant but he doubted it all at once. Hitomi simply wasn't one of those kinds of girl, and yet with the flush to her cheeks and the way she was looking at him… maybe he was more inebriated than he thought.
"Hitomi, I think it's time you went to bed." Millerna joked easily, and those biwilldering eyes urged him to do something. When he didn't comply with her silent request she whipped around to argue and slipped again.
"No! I can't sleep without—" Her statement, for better or worse, cut off with her stumble and again her eyes sought his.
Van's cheeks heated and he had rather mixed feelings about her near slip. On one hand, her announcing that they were sharing a sleeping space was not a good idea, however the fact that she relied on him so much was really pleasing, and he was sad at the loss of opportunity to claim her in this small regard.
Van was already on his feet when Allen stepped cleanly in and caught her against his body, cushioning her as well as holding her safe against his side.
"I believe the Princess is right, my lady." Allen stated with a charming smile, his lips far too close to her for Van's comfort. "Let me escort you to your room." Blue eyes snapped to his own and there was no denying it. Allen had caught the slip. Of course he'd seen them sleeping in the woods and there was no way he had missed the fact that Hitomi had stayed the night in his tent that one time. For whatever reason, the knight had kept silent. Now though…
Allen was baiting him.
"Wha—? Allen?" Hitomi sounded infinitely confused as though Allen's interference.
His name on her lips grated. Had he not been compromised by the wine, perhaps he would have used more tact, but he was, and his years of training in decorum and manners gave way under his own personality.
He stalked up and practically yanked Hitomi from Allen's grasp.
She fell against him with a shocked cry, her palms pressed flat to his chest, her breath fluttering against the collar of his shirt and reminding him of the nights they had spent curled together, of the kisses shared, and the gentle touches and words and he straightened, his hold securing her more closely to him as he met the shocked faces of his friends and Allen's dark look of warning. Then, with all the authority of a King of Fanelia he stated, "Hitomi is mine. I'll see her to bed."
The gasps that echoed throughout the room left the air tense as his friends tried to understand his meaning. It would become clear to him later, what his words could be misconstrued as, but at the time, he'd innocently thought his intentions clear.
"You'll escort her to her room you mean?" Allen sounded volatile and even stepped closer to them, but stilled as Van rolled his eyes.
"What else could I mean?" He scoffed unaware of the relief that spread throughout the room at his statement. "She is under my protection until I can send her home, which includes keeping her away from the likes of you!"
"You tell him, Lord Van!" Merle sounded like she herself was a little intoxicated as she all but cheered in delight at his words. Van didn't bother responding to it as it worked in his favor, and gave Allen a small quirk of his lips, daring him to deny it.
Allen was glaring, Millerna was busy trying to calm down Merle and Chid looked awkward and uncertain on what to say.
Hitomi, however, was gripping his shirt front and was either too embarrassed to speak out or too drunk. Considering her personality, he was going with drunk. Sadly, she hated when they fought over her in this manner, and if she were in her right mind, she would have likely told them both off by now.
"All right, I believe that is enough." Dryden broke in with a cheery grin, his arm looping around Allen's shoulders and physically dragging him back. "Seems our King here is a vocal drunk, eh?" He was laughing and it forcibly broke the tension and pulled the attention to himself. "You lost the wager, you know what that means."
"We never agreed on that!" Allen snapped, his attention snared and no longer upon him of his insult.
"A Knight of Celi going back on his word?" Dryden mocked stricken horror and sent Allen into more of an irritated fit. It was rather impressive how completely Dryden managed to turn the attention of all present away from himself and Hitomi. The man was honestly, a little terrifying.
Watching them, Van caught the look the brunette sent his way, along with the shooing motion of his hand from behind Allen's back and realized with more than a little shock, that he was giving them an out.
Not one to squander the little miracles life gave him, Van meekly nodded and then turned back to Hitomi. She was currently preoccupied playing with the strings for his shirt front. She idly twisted the tie around her finger tips, pulling just enough to loosen the knot before letting it fall slack just to repeat the action moments later.
Van blinked, his stomach clenching at the stray thought that, Hitomi was trying to undress him without actually doing it.
No, that's not—she isn't—
Van quickly reprimanded himself and pushed those kinds of thoughts from his mind.
She's drunk and amused by the ties nothing more.
Logic still didn't stop his blush.
"Hitomi, are you ready?" He asked in a quiet voice hoping that no one would hear him. Merle had pranced over to Dryden and Allen and was now poking fun at the Knight while Millerna and Celena watched from the table. The only one paying any attention to them was Chid, but he was only half watching them and was too far away to overhear Van's entreaty, especially when Celena's soft spoken question.
"Brother, what is 'philandering'? Is it a game?" Her words caused an uproar loud enough to drown out a guymelef battle.
"Look what you did!" Allen snapped and his yelling almost drowned out Hitomi's response. Her fingers tightened and finally succeeded in opening his shirt front completely as she pulled Van's attention back down to her.
"Can we go sleep together now?"
Oh sweet Gaea…
Van made a sound deep in his throat, something he was certain should have been much more manly than it was. It was so unfair that she could ask that so innocently while her cheeks were flushed, lips were still stained by the whine, and her eyes were glassy from the drink. Hitomi looked rumpled and tempting, and Van had the feeling this was what Sirens must be like.
Van swallowed and tried to ignore the fact that his body was reacting a little too much as his arousal took over. It wasn't like this was a new development, he'd been physically attracted to Hitomi since they first arrived in Pallas and she walked out in Millerna's fashion trendy dress. It only got worse when he realized he loved her personality, strengths and even her weaknesses, and of course their new physical component hadn't helped any.
He knew how her mouth tasted, the way she kissed, her soft exploring and hesitant touches that had, just the night before, fluttered all the way down to his stomach to graze the hemline of his hidewear(2) pants. His stomach clenched at the memory of that taunting caress and the burning sensation that had consumed him and forced him to retreat to the other side of the bed after Hitomi had fallen asleep to take matters into his own hands.
Literally.
Knowing all of that, Van was tempted to just give in. It would be simple, easy even and Hitomi would be more than willing, but that was due to the wine, and Van wasn't one to take advantage of anyone, least of all the woman he loved.
Closing his eyes, Van willed his urges away the best he could and slowly nodded his head to her request. They would most likely sleep beside each other as they had been doing, there would probably be kisses and light touches and he was certain to feel as though he'd been thrown into a beautiful hell when she finally fell asleep, and he'd be forced to take care of his problem while pretending that he wasn't looking at her sleeping face and imagining all manner of filthy things. They would then wake tomorrow morning as though nothing had happened and he'd pretend he wasn't waiting to repeat it all over again.
"Come on." Van whispered and turned Hitomi towards the stairs. She stumbled only once, though that could have been from the way she was clinging to him as he led her out of the room. After he adjusted his stride to accommodate her there was no problem navigating up the stairs and down the hall and to his room. He stalled just a moment wondering if it really was such a good idea to share his sleeping space with her right then. She was drunk, and he was at least intoxicated, they might not be able to stop if things got too heated.
"Van?" Hitomi asked from his shoulder where she had burrowed. It had to be uncomfortable seeing as she was his height usually, but she seemed more than satisfied if her wandering hand was anything to go by. He covered his hitched breath and gripped the fingers that had trailed from his sternum to the edge of his shirt and was just pushing under it to tease at skin.
"Hitomi, maybe you should sleep in your own room tonight." It was almost bitter on his tongue and part of him wanted to take the words back, but he really wasn't stupid, and his control was shredding to pieces just standing here with her.
Her fingers froze and she jerked up with an angry pout, suddenly seeming sober. "What? Why?" She pulled her hands back and against her, an action he had learned from their nightly trysts to mean she felt insecure.
"We're both… inebriated." He managed to choke out, glancing away in embarrassment at admitting his own lack of control. His cheeks were burning now, and the mortification was helping to cool his desire at least. "I don't think it would be wise to—"
"But I want to."
"!?" Van was certain he must have miss heard that, but when he looked back, Hitomi was looking at her feet, cheeks a dark red, her hands clutching the fabric of her short skirt until her knuckles had turned an off-bone-white. Shock made him mute and he stared until she fidgeted and looked back up.
"I—I don't want to be alone." She whispered eyes wet with unshed tears that he could guess were both from her nerves and from the drink. "I can't sleep… I…" She clammed up then and glared at the ground.
"Hitomi?" Van asked as soon as he'd managed to unstick his tongue from the roof of his mouth. Hitomi just continued to glare at the floor. He really didn't want to give in, but he didn't want to sleep alone either. "It's not wise to—"
Hitomi cut him off by, surprisingly, by pushing him up and against the wall with her own body. He felt his jaw fall slack, his arms poised around her in an automatic response, and his brain firing useless bits of information to his consciousness; she was pressed solidly against him, her breasts were a soft pressure against his chest, her heart was fluttering in tandem with his own, her legs were pressed between his, his groin was straining against the hard muscle of her toned thigh and there was no way she couldn't feel his reaction to her, her breath tickled his neck and ear and felt so good he broke out in Goosebumps, her slender hands were gripped in the back of his shirt and she trembled slightly against him.
His mind was blank aside from the useless sensory input and a primal scream that seemed to mean everything and nothing all at once and it took several minutes for him to understand what Hitomi was saying; whispering, into his skin, her lips brushing the flesh there in a maddening caress that he didn't think he could stand for much longer.
"—stay, but I can't, and as soon as everyone goes back to Fanelia I… I won't…" She broke off then and like a bucket of cold water, Van came to his senses.
She didn't want to leave him yet. They both were aware that she would be leaving, it was a constant cloud hanging over them, it was what he used to remind himself that awkwardness and shyness held no place between them. They wouldn't be able to sleep side by side after that, or talk, or touch, she would simply be gone and he had to be satisfied with that.
His arms tightened around her, crushing her closer to him, his own head angling down to hide in her shoulder as well. She was right, this time was precious, and every moment counted. These moments would have to be enough to last them the rest of their foreseeable lives.
"Okay."
She started at his words, her fingers clutching tighter and he pressed a small chaste kiss to her temple in response. "Come on, let's go to bed."
Hitomi nodded, still hidden against him and allowed him to guide her into his room. It was dark, unlit aside from the moons outside. This was familiar, the two of them creeping into his bed to kiss and sleep side by side. Except, their impending separation was finally brought up vocally between them and now the familiar was charged with a new sense of urgency that he had no idea how to deal with.
Hitomi refused to let go when he tried to set her on the bed to remove his shirt for sleeping, and He struggled lightly for a moment before giving up with a heavy sigh.
"Hitomi, I can't move when you do that."
"Let me."
"…what?" His question brought too bright, green eyes to his own and the heat returned to his blood. She may as well have lit him on fire.
Escaflowne save me…
His prayer fell on deaf ears as they were nowhere near Fanelia and the Celestial Dragon God probably couldn't hear him here in Fried.
"Let me do it." Hitomi stated, far too coherent and sincere than he felt was fair, and then her hands were sliding down his back. The warm firm press of her palms scalded him through the thin fabric of his top and Van lost his tongue somewhere in his esophagus.
They drifted down, slanted over his sides, to press firmly against his stomach forcing a leaden breath from his lungs. The moan was abruptly cut short when those hands shifted and slid beneath his top, continuing their exploration of his torso with a gentle glide of soft skin and inquisitive fingers.
She wasn't usually this brave until after they were secluded under bed sheets and had been lost in kissing, and even then it wasn't as provocative or enticing as he'd already stripped his shirt himself. Now, she was undressing him, and his body was all for it.
Too bad his mind was still telling him all the reasons why this was not a good idea.
"H—Hitomi." He tried to sound firm and commanding but instead his voice cracked the moment he tried to speak and he sounded as desperate as his body felt.
"I… don't ever… want to forget this." She whispered in reply, just as she stepped into his space, pressing against him, hands skimming up to trace, palm, and stroke his chest, fingers tracing his collarbone. He grit his teeth to keep from making any sounds and Hitomi took that as a challenge apparently and pressed closer still, her lips pressing against his neck clumsily, but no less erotic for the urgency in the action. His hands reached out to grip her arms, not stopping her but to ground himself as a bolt of sere lust rocked through him.
This was a really bad idea, but he couldn't seem to get his mouth to form words. He was too ensnared by her seduction to save them both and too aware of their impending parting to feel guilty for it.
One of her nails caught on him and the prick of pain caused his hips to jolt forward against her. At the solid press of her hip and the heat of her body through their clothes Van's clenched teeth released on a husked cry and he instinctually yanked her closer. His body pressed and grinded against hers and the shocks of pleasure were mind-blowing and forced haggard breaths from his lungs. The action froze Hitomi up, and after a few moments Van realized how tense she was and forced himself to stop.
Damn it, control! What's wrong with me… she's not... she wouldn't want...
"!" All thoughts blasted from his mind then, when slowly, hesitantly, as though waiting to be reprimanded, one of those hands that had broken his sanity, slipped down his chest, catching on his belly button and the clasp of his pants, only to continue lower and stroke over him.
"Hitomi!" Van gasped, his arms crushing both hands between them, one over the straining bulge in his pants the other against his rapidly thrumming heart. "No… we can't… you…"
He gasped around the pulsing in his head, desperately trying to remember why he couldn't just give in and help her move her hand against him or push her to the bed and learn every inch of her body himself. He also found it quite frustrating that he was barely able to keep from grinding against her again.
"You're drunk… you can't…" His lecture broke off and he crossed his eyes at the soft, barely there squeeze Hitomi gave him.
Grunting his hips pushed against her twice before, with a growl, Van grabbed her shoulders and pushed her to arms-length. He panted arms and body shaking with the desire and hormones running impatiently through his veins. He wanted nothing more than to go back to what they were doing, but he would not take advantage of Hitomi when she was like this. He would not.
Convicted, Van lifted his gaze to Hitomi's and pinned her with his most serious expression he could while his manhood attempted to rip through his pants and sent urgent messages of near pain to his brain.
"No. You're drunk." His glare dared her to argue with him.
"Van, I—" He wasn't about to let her convince him to give in and so, keeping his arms locked he pushed her back until she was seated on the bed's edge and then he dropped down to assist her in the removal of her shoes.
"No. We're going to sleep, Hitomi." He tried to sound firm about it but it came out a little shaky. He hid it by standing and removing his top in a swift move all but hurling it at the floor, before realizing that Hitomi still needed to change into her sleep clothes, which were conveniently in the room seven doors down. His shoulders slumped and he moved replace his top. "I'll get your night clothes."
"I can sleep in these." Hitomi stated quickly, sounding frustratingly sober and Van's jaw clenched as he started a mantra Balgus had taught him to focus his thoughts and control his body. He was starting to wonder if she was really that drunk or if she had manipulated the whole thing and that lead to dangerous thoughts in general.
No. Stop it. Go to sleep. Sleep.
Through will alone he managed to calm his thoughts and turn to face the woman in his bed. She was seated in the center, knees tucked up to her chest, her arms looped around them and she was staring out at the Mystic Moon. He couldn't read her expression from the angle and decided it was better not to question her.
If she said she could sleep in those clothes then she could. The last thing he wanted was to be caught with Hitomi's clothes in the corridor going back to his own room.
Discarding his shirt once more Van stretched and headed for the bed himself. He was drawing the covers back when Hitomi turned that unreadable gaze back to him and he froze like a prey animal. They remained like that for sometime, and then, as if in a daze, Hitomi reached out, her hand tracing his cheek gently.
He knew he should pull back. He should intercept that hand and tell her if she didn't stop he'd leave the room. He should, but he didn't want to. He loved the touches, the kisses and the intimacy they shared. Perhaps she only wanted to kiss a little. That was okay… right?
With that small touch she guided him back to her and their lips met. It was gentle, soft, and chaste for the previous emotions that had been sparking through them, but Van was eased by that.
He crawled onto the mattress and balanced on his knees to free his hands to hold her face. Lips pressed, nudged, and molded together as their breaths mingled. Innocent touches to the neck, face and shoulders kept him trapped in a low warmth of desire that was tolerable and controllable. Van shifted as Hitomi brought more to their kiss, her lips parting to nibble on his, the tip of her tongue tracing his lower and upper lip before sneaking between to meet his own tongue.
This he knew how to do, they had done it several times in fact and he angled his head to better engage her ardent kiss and was taken completely off guard as her arms looped around him and yanked him down upon her as she flopped onto her back. The impact shocked a grunt from him and he tried to lever himself up by pushing his hands flat against the bed but Hitomi had snaked one hand into his hair, hold him securely against her entreating lips, the other still held him by the waist and he'd have to use force to separate them.
Van growled in pure frustration and more than a little self-recrimination. This was becoming tedious and Van tried to talk around the two tongues currently in residence and only managed to make a few grunting sounds in protest.
Really it wasn't much of a protest at all, in fact, he knew he should feel rather bad for not trying harder to stop her, but it felt so good, and he didn't actually want to stop at all, so really his denial was only half-hearted and his own hands had begun to trail her sides, mutinously pulling her white button down shirt up and out of the clasp of her skirt to feel the skin on her sides.
I'm a bastard…
Van thought though his hands didn't stop and his kiss didn't still and he couldn't lie and say he was even trying to resist her anymore.
Hitomi let out this really addictive whine and pushed up against him, her legs shifting and parting until he was suddenly embraced between her thighs. Alarms blared to life in his head. The heat from her was thrilling and frightening as was the bunch of cloth that was her skirt which pressed into his belly and he shuddered harshly. He weakly pressed down hard, unable to resist feeling it just once and they both broke away from the kiss with moans and panting breath.
"Dear gods, Hitomi… this is not a good idea…" He breathed, eyes opening to look down upon the girl that seemed hell-bent on seducing him. He found himself both cursing himself while enjoying the puffy quality of Hitomi's kiss swollen lips. He'd done that, and he was so very proud of it, it made his teeth ache.
Hitomi watched him and pushed against him again, lower body rolling up in a smooth arch that was far too pleasing. It was just too much, and Van collapsed against her rocking several times even while inside he was mentally screaming at himself to stop.
"H—Hitomi… we... we need to…this isn't…"
"Just a little bit." She whispered back, hands pulling on his shoulder and moving to encourage him to focus his mouth on her neck. He didn't need much more prompting than the tilt of her head and he moved to kiss, lick, suck, and bite every inch that was presented. "Oh… Van." She gasped, her own hips moving in tandem with his own, and her nails scraping at his skin enticingly. The burn made his head swim and threw rationality far away.
It was just kissing and a little bit of stimulation, and maybe it was the liquor talking, or his libido, but he was certain they could stop before things got too intense. If they kept their clothes on and just went to sleep after this it would be fine.
"Just… just for… a… bit." He managed between groans, and pushed hard against her feeling the friction jolt through him making his skin tingle and spark. Her enthusiastic response to that; the curling of one leg over his hip driving him harder against her, the grip of her hand urging him up and into another kiss, consumed him and for the first time since he had left to begin the rite of Dragon slaying, Van let go.
Just for a little while.
XX
Eleventh Day of the Ninth Month
Seventh Year of Carusfatum
XX
He had yet to move from the bedside.
His son… Van's a father.
Merle tried to wrap her mind around that one fundamentally-altering truth and could do little more than stare herself. The child certainly looked like Van, but he had enough of Hitomi's features for it to appear as nothing more than coincidence. Knowing the truth though, it was hard to believe she hadn't figured it out earlier.
Merle let out a breath and slumped.
I had hoped they would find happiness, that Van would get his family back… but…
Blue eyes wrought with pain and a little pity watched her Lord's tormented vigil and gripped the front of her dress as her own heart ached.
… not like this.
It wasn't fair. Van had suffered so much in his life, including losing his love to circumstance and now he was presented with a child; his and his lover's, an heir, but the child was conceived and nurtured out of wed-lock; a bastard. Bringing him into the line of succession would not be easy. It could be done, but the boy—Anil, his name was Anil Van de Fanel; Fanelia's Prince—would have a life just as hard, if not more so, because of his conception, than Van's own. Besides which, Hitomi had kept it all a secret.
What was she thinking?
Merle frowned and her hands gripped tighter in her annoyance. It wasn't like the girl to be so cruel. Merle felt the anger and viciousness leave her with that thought and she slumped once more. Hitomi wouldn't have done it out of spite, Merle knew that. She also knew that Hitomi had always been quite determined to be a martyr, and while Merle couldn't see the connection she was almost certain Hitomi had thought she was doing Van a favor.
How could keeping his son from him help in any way?!
Merle wasn't stupid, she had known something was going on between Van and Hitomi toward the end of the war and just before the girl had left. She was certain they had done more then they let on but she wasn't so crude as to question it.
She had ignored the way Hitomi had smelled like Van the night after the celebration in Freid, the fact that Hitomi's bed was never slept in, the unexplainable bruising on both of them, the tender way they touched each other to get the other's attention and the silent conversations they had in a glance, a smile, a touch. If she had to guess, and now with the proof that Anil represented, Merle would bet that Hitomi and Van's relationship had taken a more physical turn that night in Freid, when the end of the battles had been all but assured and Dryden had located most of the scattered residents of Fanelia.
She doubted that was their only time, and she was doubtful Hitomi knew of her pregnancy before leaving. She knew this because on the trip out of Freid, when they had returned to Fanelia, Hitomi had started her monthly. Merle knew this because of smell and also because the girl had come to ask for some sanitary items. That meant Hitomi likely didn't know she was pregnant until after she left.
She was uncertain of what kind of link or bond they had, but she knew Van had felt things from Hitomi. He'd made mention of it. Perhaps Hitomi had tried to tell him but it just didn't come across well?
I doubt Van would have ignored her panic.
Would she have panicked though? Merle knew next to nothing about the Mystic Moon. Perhaps children conceived outside of marriage was considered normal? Or could that be why she kept silent? Because it wasn't accepted, and she feared for Van's reputation?
That's just dumb…
Merle's head hurt just thinking about it. She imagined Van felt worse. She knew Van well, and he would fight for his son's birth right and would not care what anyone had to say. She also knew that no matter what was revealed, he would be going to retrieve Hitomi. No matter what he felt about her deception, he would not relinquish Anil, and he would not separate him from his mother.
She wanted to believe that Hitomi always planned to return. Merle had clung to that hope for the last seven years, always assuming that the girl who had changed all of their lives exponentially would come back to complete them and save Van once more. From Anil's words, she hadn't been far from the truth.
He said they waited. But how was Lord Van supposed to know that?!
They had waited, Hitomi had waited for Van to get her. Hitomi had assumed that Van would come for her, that much was clear, and Merle hoped that Hitomi had only stayed quiet about Anil because of her silly need to sacrifice herself. She could have stayed quiet for Van's sake, intending to tell him when he returned for her, giving him the option to save face with the other kingdoms and in essence setting him free from her and their past. She could see the little idiot doing that and feeling justified, but it didn't work out, because Van never came for her.
Or maybe she didn't tell him because she believed he needed to focus on Fanelia, and for some reason believed he would return for her and intended to tell him then? But that still didn't explain why she thought Van would go after her or why Van hadn't.
Merle watched her King and felt her own eyes sting with tears born from both sadness and irritation.
Lord Van, why didn't you go? What happened to the two of you?!
She wanted to grab the stubborn man by his shoulders and shake the truth from him, scream in his stupid face and make him see just how silly both he and Hitomi had been.
Van's words from before Anil's arrival had cut deep and still rang far too sharp and real in her ears. It was a bitter truth, one she had hoped to change, but it was still true. Love didn't always conquer all, it wasn't a miracle solution to all troubles and it didn't always guarantee a person's happiness. She couldn't step in and force this; she couldn't do anything for them really. It rested solely on their shoulders whether or not they would make a go of it. All she could do was be there to support Van in whatever happened.
Maybe Anil can do what I can't.
Merle thought, feeling a little bad for putting a burden on already heavy shoulders but couldn't help herself. It would take the carrier birds a day to three to reach the destinations of their friends. Allen could arrive in another day from Fort Castelo, but anyone from Freid would take at least five to eight days depending on the mode of travel. Knowing Van, he wouldn't move until he'd had a chance to speak with Dryden or Millerna and had someone he could trust to watch over Fanelia until his return. That left plenty of time for the young Prince to get to know his father and visa versa. If there was a miracle to be had, then it would have to happen in those two days.
I just have to believe in them.
"Merle?" Van's voice brought her from her thoughts and she jerked up straighter, hands lifting to her chest, fingers clutched together. Van seemed to notice the action and the lines of his mouth deepened as he frowned.
Not wanting Van to be concerned about her, Merle forced her arms down and tried to hide her nerves. "Yes, Lord Van?"
"Would you watch over him?" He didn't expound on why, though she could guess why. From what she knew he didn't have much to do this day that was out of the ordinary. There was the issue of land rights between a disputing family; another case of an illegitimate child taking land rights from the legitimate son and they had brought it to Van to mediate. Merle wouldn't be surprised to find Van passing this on to one of his advisors to handle in lieu of this new development, however so that would leave him with some paperwork that was typical for this time of year. He would also need to inform the elders of the new events. Anil would need to be named as heir and Van would need to run damage control or straight up lie to protect both Anil and Hitomi.
Her silence must have been interpreted as refusal as Van sighed and ran a hand through his already mussed up hair.
"Please Merle." He breathed, looking defeated and so very worn out. "I need someone I can trust to keep an eye on him for a while. I don't want him to wake up alone."
Merle huffed and set her hands on her hips, pouting and turning to the side as though put out at the request to cover the overly emotional moment, and protect the soft underbelly that Van had exposed with his words. "Fine, guess it can't be helped. But you owe me one, I had plans today you know."
"Yes, of course." Van replied, a small smile that was lacking in any real warmth but was better than the desolate expression he had been wearing, morphing his face and she grinned pretending not to notice.
She wanted to be supportive and caring. She wanted to be nosy and inquisitive, yet when he looked at her with those eyes so tormented, what could she do?
All she could do was what he asked of her.
Oh, lord Van…
XX
Thirteenth Day of the Ninth Month
Seventh Year of Carusfatum
XX
Clothes were strewn haphazardly across the bed and half inside the traveling trunk in a medley of color and fabric while the young woman practically danced around the room, a constant movement of sound and energy under the amused eyes and gentle smile of the man observing her.
"—have to throw another party for her return, of course. Oh! And we really should procure more of that marvelous wine from Egzardia!" She continued, holding a fine silk top in her hands to her chest as she spun to face the lounging brunette in the room with her. "Hitomi would love that, don't you think so, Dryden?"
The man laughed then, the sound full bodied and resonant in the room. It made her toes curl and her chest warm. Even after being married for three years and taking over the responsibilities of the Kingdom, she still felt excited by the man she had fallen in love with quite by accident. It almost made the four years of waiting and the subsequent search and capture of the man worth it. She never questioned how it was that Van managed to get the irritating King of Asturia, who had then been but a merchant, to stop in Fanelia long enough for her to arrive and demand he marry her. Now, she didn't question his call for aid, she owed him her happiness, this was the very least she could do.
"She hasn't even returned yet and you are already conspiring to get her intoxicated." Dryden chuckled some more and reached out to snag her hand, pulling her into his lap. "Millerna, you are devious."
She mock-pouted from her position on his lap and crossed her arms feigning resentment. "That's quite rude of you to say. I am only implying that she would appreciate the robust flavor of such a pristine liquor."
His grin never dimmed as he regarded her from over those glasses that honestly drove her crazy. "And Van; its high potency."
Millerna flushed at the implication but laughed and pushed at his chest. "What are you accusing me of?"
"Nothing that isn't true." He struggled to keep her in place for several moments, snagging a brief and fleeting kiss from her lips before releasing her to complete her task. "You, my dear, are anything but innocent when it comes to those two."
"Dryden, I'm scandalized!" She gasped, a hand pressed to her chest while attempting to keep her affronted air.
"I'm sure." Dryden returned, the statement simple enough if she ignored the lurid way he looked her over, head propped on his chin, crooked smile assessing her and, apparently, liking what he saw.
"Oh, you are hopeless." She groused, turning with a flounce to her trunk to hide her pleased expression and blush. How could her husband, who had spent the last few years in her bed, make her feel so flustered and enticing even now? It was a nice surprise to find how much he adored her, and the allure she still held over him made her feel far more attractive and desirable than she would have otherwise felt. Dryden had certainly been the best and greatest thing to have happened to her, and she often found herself thanking Jeture for her good luck and fortune.
"So, you think this child could know Hitomi?" Millerna asked, the amusement waning with the moment. She turned to look when Dryden made a small sound, his expression distant. She knew that look, it was the kind that reminded her of the merchant who knew a bit too much. "Dryden, what is it?"
"Hm?" He paused to look up as though startled from his musings. It was a total farce, the day that man was stumbled upon unaware was the day Asturia stopped being a Sea-faring nation. Millerna frowned, knowing her husband's antics far too well and he slowly broke into a grin. "Nothing to worry about."
She propped her hands on her hips and stalked close enough to look down her nose at him. "Dryden, I know that look and that tone. What are you hiding?"
"Nothing, I merely think that this child will prove more important than anyone has yet thought." Dryden's smile stayed that irritatingly all-knowing smirk that would one day be the death of her.
"Oh? Okay then, what do you think?"
"I'd rather not say yet." And the all-knowing slug attempted to crawl under a rock once more.
"But, if it's as important as you seem to think it is, shouldn't I relay your thoughts to V—King Fanel?" She caught herself before slipping into the informal. Dryden was bad enough with that. One of them should at least try to keep up decorum.
Dryden, it would seem, was in one of his more stubborn moods as he merely directed her back to her trunks. "It isn't of a threatening nature, merely an amusing thought. No need to worry Van unnecessarily." He paused to chuckle, brows furrowed to show his pitying amusement at the other ruler's plight. "… He seems plenty stressed as it is…" Brown eyes strayed back to the parchment on which Van's entreaty had come. It lay beside the newest letter that had just arrived from Freid. Chid was already in route to Pallas. His intention was to catch a ride with Millerna where the leviship would have an easier and faster trip to Fanelia.
"Oh, really! Dryden, He is no longer a boy. He is lord and ruler of his kingdom, and more than able to handle your wild theories." Millerna huffed, spinning to snap her traveling trunk closed and relieve some of her tension. "For all we know the boy could be Hitomi's brother, or cousin, or he could have nothing to do with her at all—"
"Ah, that could be, but the odds are rather against that theory."
She personally agreed with his statement but didn't voice it aloud. So far all visitors from the Mysitic Moon, with the exception of Dornkirk, had been from Hitomi's line, so it made most sense that this new being would also be part of Hitomi's family in some way.
"There is the slight chance that he is not somehow connected to our dear friend, but still if you recall my last discussion with Van on his Draconian ancestry, there is the strong chance that any visitor from the Mystic Moon might share the one basic trait that brought us here in the first place."
Millerna blinked, her irritation leaving her as it usually did when he began spinning his tales. Dryden would have made a fair Bard if he had not had the predisposition to be a merchant and king. "What do you mean?"
Dryden sat forward and lifted his finger as he began to explain, his eyes dark and intense enough to make her shiver. "Dornkirk made it to Gaea on his own. He did not have the pendant that Hitomi and her Grandmother did, yet, like Hitomi he was able to take the knowledge left behind by those people from Atlantis and recreate it. He was powerful enough to cheat death on the Mystic Moon. I am willing to bet that he could read that ancient language and understand it like Hitomi could."
"Okay, I'll accept that, but what are you trying to prove? That Dornkirk was somehow related to Hitomi after all?" That was absurd and desecrated the memory she had of the girl. "I can't believe that, there is no way—"
"That is precisely what I mean, but it also means that Van himself is related to the mad man as well."
"What?"
"Think about it, Millerna." Dryden entreated, his arms arching and curving with his words as though he could carve the image for her to see it as he did. "The Atlantians from the Mystic Moon created Gaea and moved here to be known as Draconians. Only a handful of people have ever come from the Mystic moon, two of which possessed or came into possession of a stone heirloom that was once used to make Atlanian wishes come true." He paused to grasp her hands drawing her deeper into his story. "The other was a man who merely wished to cheat death and found himself here and he was able to bring that horrible, awesome power back into being through his will alone.
"It is safe to assume then, that only those with Draconian, or in Hitomi's case, Atlantian, blood can cross the space between our worlds. It would explain why Dornkirk could do it, and why Hitomi and Van also managed to make the journey.
"Looking at it from that perspective, whether or not this child is directly related to Hitomi or not, he is important; far more so than anyone could imagine. The child may very well be draconian as well. The question is, is he one like Dornkirk or Hitomi?"
Millerna was left gaping. That did clear up many questions while bringing others to the forefront of her mind.
"Van knows and believes this?" She asked hands clutched to her chest to stay her pounding heart. "Is that why he's asking for all of us?"
Dryden met her stare and nodded solemnly. "I would say he does indeed."
"… why…?"
"Pardon?"
"… then why hasn't Hitomi returned? If Van and she can travel between worlds… then why haven't they?" Her question ended on a sorrowful half-wail completely unbecoming of her age and rank but in the solitude of her husband's presence, she wasn't all that concerned. As she expected, Dryden stood and drew her into a warm embrace, his larger hands stroking her back soothingly.
"That is something only the two of them can answer or bring into question. All we can do is support them." Dryden continued to hold her for long moments before patting her once on her behind which at one point would have scandalized her. "Now, you have a three day journey to attend to, and Chid will be arriving shortly. You mustn't keep your darling Nephew waiting."
Millerna rubbed her eyes and smiled through her frustration. "A lady is never late. She arrives precisely when she means to."
"Ah, then I shall prepare rooms for Chid and his entourage outside in the city."
Dryden's laughter drowned out her outraged cries and lifted the last of the somber mood from the room and her mind.
XX
13 September 2003
Earth
XX
Light streamed in through the angled blinds and filtered through the sheer blue curtains giving a soft, cool haze to the cream colored walls. She would need to change out the curtains soon. It was getting colder and Anil was very much affected by the perception of colors. She had heard of the idea, mind over matter and all of that, but she'd never believed that having warmer colors in the winter, or cooler ones in the summer, could help one feel more comfortable despite the actual temperature. That was, until Anil had taken to hiding in the bathroom one winter because of the red Christmas rugs and shower curtains she had placed there. He had been only two years old.
He had been the textbook definition of, "terrible-twos" that year, and of course it was followed swiftly by the "torturous-threes", the "furious-fours", the "fearsome-fives", had just entered the "sanctimonious-six" and she was willing to bet he would be the "sacrilegious-sevens" before long(3). Hitomi's lips trembled in an attempt at a smile.
Her baby was definitely a chip off of his father. He was rough, tough, rambunctious, and loud and quite possibly made from snips, snails, and puppy-dog tails, though with his father, it would not surprise her if he was made of dragon-scales instead of the dog-tails. He did everything in multiples and seemed determined to press his luck until he was nearly in a perpetual state of "time-out". On the bright side though, he was loving, protective and most certainly her "little-man". She had watched Anil put on a brave face more times than she was comfortable with and he was more loving than anyone else she knew. He liked dinosaurs and dragons, enjoyed climbing trees, mud, and getting as dirty as physically possible. He was her precious little baby, and he was gone.
Hitomi heard the distant ringing of the house phone as though it came from far away. Somewhere outside of the hazy glow of morning light that danced upon the cluttered room full of stuffed and plastic toys and power ranger posters. She had just scolded him for leaving his toys out because she had stubbed her toe on a large pose-able Red Ranger when putting his clothes away. Anil had apparently crammed them into his closet and dressers as she could see limbs from each. She desperately wished that that was the only problem she had to deal with.
The phone trilled a final time before the answering machine picked up and she could hear her own voice telling the caller who they had reached, and she jolted when Anil's excited voice took over and more silent tears spilled from her eyes to soak into the soft fabric of her son's bed.
"This is the Kanzaki residence. We are not in right now—"
"Anil and Mommy are out defending the world from the evil of the universe! If you're cool enough we might call back. If you're a teacher, hang up now—"
"Anil."
"What?"
"You don't—" the message tone yelled out cutting off the voices and the memory of a better time that Hitomi had not had the heart to replace. A new voice came in then, deep and placid, and Hitomi blocked it out unintentionally, her arms gripping tight to the stuffed dragon with a missing eye and more stitch marks then was healthy—many she herself had made—and continued to stare at the wall, still shadowed by the angle of the sunlight.
"Hitomi, this is Fumio. I spoke with the principle and he agreed to your leave of absence. I still think this is a bad idea, you shouldn't be alone and listless, you should keep busy. The police are doing all they can and… I'll stop by to check on you later tonight."
The house returned to silence and Hitomi merely blinked casting more tears from her eyes. She knew that what she was doing was pathetic, useless, and didn't help anyone, but she simply didn't have the strength to move. What could she possibly do? She couldn't even hope at the moment. Her six-year-old was alone on a planet that had only recently been in a near global war. She had no clue if he was safe or with people who would help him and worse yet, no way to send him home. She was too frightened and depressed to do anything at the moment, much less hold onto hope and faith when she had no way to believe there was any.
There was a stain on the carpet near the toy chest. In fact, it looked like Anil had tried to cover it with the toy chest but had discovered that the item was simply too heavy to move and had given up. She would be willing to bet it was a hot chocolate stain seeing as how Anil had, just the winter before, told her that he was old enough to watch out for his drink and begged her to let him take it back to his room so he could finish his game. Apparently, his numerous Pokemon toys had declared mutiny on the packing box ship he'd aptly named, The Crusade, and it was all Balgus could do to stop them from turning the ship around and running away to the "Land of Milk and Honey".
She'd given in rather quickly at that story and had enjoyed listening to the murmur of his playing until he'd gone suspiciously quite. She had suspected then that he'd had an accident, but he'd calmly snuck into the kitchen and whisked away with several dish towels in hand. She had dutifully pretended not to notice and had thought the matter taken care of when she' not noticed anything while tucking him in. Hitomi squeezed the Dragon, Balgus, closer to her heart wondering how long she would have gone unaware of that discoloration if this had not happened.
The phone was ringing again, but she could only focus on the golden cast of the sunlight illuminating most of the wall and making the room awash with a steady warmth despite the blue shadows from the curtains. Again the answering machine picked up and she was trapped in the voice of a happy child that was no longer present.
"Hitomi? It's Mom. We heard what happened. Sweetie, do you need us to come out? You know we don't mind staying with you, or you could come here you know. We still have your old room. Baby, I am so sorry, I just—" Her mother's voice cut short with a muffled shout and suddenly the anxious voice of her brother came on.
"Hey, Sis, just so you know me and my friends have put together a search party and I spread word to my classmates to keep an eye open when they go into town. I know he's not likely to be here at all what with the blue light and all, but at least if he comes back or something there's people looking for him. Don't worry, we'll find the brat." Mamoru paused and she could clearly imagine the conflicted expression on his face.
He was in his final year of high-school and had taken to acting more like a snobby teen who is unaffected by the world, but she knew better than most that the teen was emotional and deeply attached to his nephew. This was most likely killing him as well.
"Gotta go—" He sounded choked up just before the message ended and again Hitomi was left with nothing but the cast of the afternoon sun and the stillness of her child's room.
So much had happened in seven years and yet, the world didn't seem all that different. Seven years ago she'd been at home, a high school track student who was pregnant and had no plan for her future. Her parents could have disowned her for such a thing but they hadn't. If it wasn't for them, Yukari, Amano, her brother and a few kind teachers she never would have made it as far as she had. By the time Anil was two years old she had graduated from high school and had been accepted into college. She moved out the end of that year and into this small home. Her parents had helped her buy it and she'd steadily paid them back. By the time Anil was four Hitomi was interning at her old high school, and just last year she'd received her teaching license and secured a job at the school where it had all started. She could still recall the fear and insecurity she had felt at the beginning as she'd sat in the bathroom with Yukari and a positive test and sobbed against her shoulder.
Yukari had held her and rubbed her back, silenced when the option of abortion had sent Hitomi into a screaming fit and caused her to clutch at her stomach as if to protect the growing entity from the mere words. Yukari hadn't asked anything of her until the worst of the tears had passed and the day light hours had completely crept away. Even then, her inquiry was more a statement of fact rather than questioning. It had reminded Hitomi of just how much faith and trust Yukari placed in her.
"It's his, isn't it."
There was no need to question who 'he' had been. Yukari had watched Hitomi vanish into a blue beam of light, had waited for six months for her return, and though Amano had taken a bit more convincing, Yukari had believed every word Hitomi had spoken. She'd even believed in the cat-girl, Merle. So, Hitomi's pregnancy could only be from one person.
Hitomi had broken down again at that, but this time from relief. Someone believed in Van, someone would listen to her, and if her child came out with angel wings, she had someone there to confide in; she wasn't alone.
The tears had been harsh and Hitomi recalled coughing, sniffling and loud vocal cries as opposed to her usual quite snuffles, and when the worst of her wayward emotions had calmed, Hitomi lay against her friend's lap, gentle soothing fingers running through her hair, Yukari whispering nonsensical comforts to her, and Van's sweet, warm concern battering at her in clear, barely restrained worry.
She knew then that she had been loved by him, and that gentle warmth reminded her all over again why she had allowed herself to get into this situation, and why she would persevere even if she ended up alone.
She only had to make it for four years she had thought, and so she had answered with a strong and affectionate feeling that she hoped conveyed, "Yes, Van. I'm okay."
She had whispered the words aloud as well, hands moving to embrace her flat stomach, concentrating on just how blessed she was to have this piece of Van at all. Certainly there would be hard times, and they had never actually promised to meet back up in four years, so this child, small and fragile in her womb, was the proof of her love; a gift, and she would not cry over it again unless it was in joy.
"Yes, Yukari, it's his."
"Oh Hitomi."
It took a moment for her to realize that the voice was not part of her memory, but was actually ringing through the house, and green eyes again focused on the wall before her. A red-orange tinge was gripping the cream and turning it a burned color, not unlike fire. Deeper shadows stretched the floors and cast a sinister tone as the early twilight hours crawled up and around her.
"… Hitomi, I know you're there. Pick up the phone." The disembodied voice continued and all it did was make the choking pain worse as she realized she had failed herself in that promise not to cry out of fear again, and a strangled sound ripped from her chest and she shifted for the first time, fingers lifting to her mouth to feel the puff of her own sobs while a barrage of numb tingles worked their way through her right side.
"Hitomi… Fumio said you didn't come to work today, nor did you answer the door when he knocked. He's worried you know!" Yukari paused and then her own concern colored her words. "He told us what happened…" The unspoken, 'I believe you. I know the truth' was comforting at least and Hitomi managed to force herself into a half seated position, Balgus still clutched to her chest.
The toy had been a gift from Yukari and Amano.
She'd nearly forgotten that. Really, Anil had loved that thing for so long, it seemed like he was born with the damned plushie. He was probably unable to sleep without it, and Hitomi trembled, frightened and worried for her child all over again.
"Look, Susumu (4) and I are coming. We'll be there by tomorrow morning, so get your butt up by then, otherwise I'm using the spare key you gave us and breaking in, and if I find you moping I'm going to kick your butt!"
There was a deeper murmur in the background which Hitomi was certain must have been Amano, and she swallowed some more of her tears and mucus focusing on the muted squabble the happy couple seemed to be having on her answering machine.
"No! I will not calm down! Our Anil has been whisked away and our best friend is understandably freaking out, but Hitomi isn't weak, and as soon as she stops freaking out she'll be able to do something! You hear me Kanzaki! Get up and fight!"
Hitomi started, her tears freezing on her face at the cry that was so reminiscent of all of her memories. Of track meets, competitions, of delayed exams, prejudiced interviews, and labor. Yukari had been there through it all, and she knew better than most what she was capable of. She also knew best when Hitomi was acting stupid.
"Yukari…" She weakly scrubbed at her eyes feeling a little bit of strength seeping in. "… thank you…"
"Right, I'll see you in a few hours. You better be up." The threat was clear and sparked a small smile which finished giving strength back to most of her limbs.
"She's right…" Nodding she rose to unsteady feet and slowly, as though she was working her way through thick muck, Hitomi made her way out and toward the bathroom. Cleaning up was the first step, then food. After that, Hitomi would call her mother and Fumio back, thank the principle, and then try and remember how she had contacted Van before.
It was all she could do.
That, and believe, both in Van and in their son.
The rush of water drowned out most of the sounds around her, including the buzz of her own thoughts and doubts that still lingered in her mind, shattering the numb blankness that had consumed her for most of the day, and Hitomi found herself whispering, just below the rush, "Please Van… take care of Anil…bring back my baby… please."
Hoping might be futile, but her angel had pulled off larger miracles before, he could do it again. She just had to be strong, and recall the fortitude that had carried her through a war and across a distant planet in the sky.
A.N. First off this last bit is NOT supposed to be a reflection on depression. I am aware that depression is FAR more complex and devastating then anything I could accurately describe. While Hitomi is distraught and depressed about losing her son she is not IN DEPRESSION. This is why she is able to pull herself out of it with a few words from her friend. Sorry, if this is coming across strong but I have seen reviewers who feel as though I have made light of a heavy topic and wanted to circumvent that right here.
That said, I hope Hitomi came across well. She was always an odd mixture of fragility, weakness, and strength and I was trying to depict this and capture the completely helpless feeling she must have had when she realized that she really had no control over saving her baby. I know I'd go mad, so I was trying to portray that debilitating fear. Hope it wasn't too much.
(1) Totally making this up because I can. This is not my personal view, I have known some very good looking men with long hair. My husband, on the other hand, does think that long hair on men is gross and so, it amused me to put this opinion onto Van.
(2) I was thinking that Van's pants are made of some type of animal skin, like leather but more worn in. More like hide pants from Indian culture. So I made up the term Hidewear.
Character Names: www. angelfire anime2/thejapanesespot/bios .html and anime. /wiki/Escaflowne/Characters (minus the spaces)
(3) I am well aware that Hitomi isn't likely to be Christian as Christianity only holds a 10% hold in Japan. Christmas is celebrated but not to the same extent as here in the USA. This little statement is an altered version I use myself to explain my children and the actions of those in my life not birthed by me: The terrible twos, the tumultuous threes, the furious fours, the fuck-me fives, the sanctimonious six and sacrilegious sevens.
(4) Since we never did hear Amano's first name in the anime, we have nothing to go on but the cultural references. Hitomi calls him "Amano-Sempai" in the Japanese version. Since it is improper to call someone by their first name unless you are very close to that person, we can assume that Amano is his last name. Also, his character bio has his first name as 'Susumu'. I will still refer to him as Amano, but Yukari will call him by his first name. Hitomi keeps calling him Amano even though he is practically family because its habit and because in the beginning of Yukari and Amano's relationship, Yukari was nervous and jealous of Hitomi. At least, in this fic she was. ^-^
