A.N. So, we get Hitomi's point of view on her attempt at seduction here, and as I said last week, she's not drunk. I am going to try to edit out anything too explicit because I don't want the story flagged and deleted from here, however, I can't just take out the entire scene and keep continuity. I'm going to try and keep this "romance novel" rating.

Disclaimer: I do not own "The Vision of Escaflowne" nor any of the characters therein. I am merely writing this for my own enjoyment.

XX

"Don't look where you fall, but where you slipped."

-African Proverb

XX

Chapter 6: Watch Your Step

XX

14 September 1996

Gaea

XX

It was with the burning rush of the alcohol which stripped away her modesty and inhibition that she finally came to a decision to act. She wanted to have sex with Van.

Hitomi had already come to that conclusion some time ago, but had been too embarrassed to take the first steps. Van, was far too kind and polite to even push for more, and so she had come to the realization that if she wanted to experience this with Van, she would have to initiate it. That was far easier said than done.

The party had started off a fun distraction, but all too soon Millerna had started asking questions she had no answers for and Hitomi had indulged in a glass of sweet tasting wine. Remembering her low tolerance last time, she'd been careful to slowly sip her glass. However, as the warmth spread and that comfortable feeling of inhibition settled in, an idea formed that seemed like a good idea at the time.

She could use her drinking as an excuse and proceeded to use her wiles on him. It seemed the perfect plan. She could take the risk and if he wasn't interested she could pretend she was drunk and avoid the awkwardness of being rejected.

She just hadn't accounted for Van being a gentleman.

He wasn't rejecting her because he didn't want to have sex with her, he was rejecting her because he didn't want to take advantage of her. She was equally frustrated and touched and now found it difficult to admit that she was faking her inebriation.

Hitomi's heart was fluttering in her chest not unlike the time she'd jumped from the Crusade to the Zaibach floating fortress. Her arms shook as she tightened her hold across his shoulders—he was much bigger than he looked when overtop of her—and drew him closer to herself. His weight was thrilling and oddly comfortable.

Her cheeks flushed darkly and she quickly closed her eyes as Van's body rocked against hers, his hips grazing the soft inner skin of her thighs while his lips placed hurried kisses to her neck which sparked heat deep inside of her lower belly. She knew she was going to have to fess up or risk having Van feel like he'd taken advantage of her after the fact, but she wasn't ready to.

In an attempt to push all thought out of her mind, Hitomi turned and caught Van's lips in a heated kiss. It was sloppy, wet, and very stimulating especially as his hands slipped from neutral ground and gradually made its way up to cup her breast. Hitomi arched against the timid caress, pressing against the bulge in his pants and grinding.

The hand squeezed gently and tentatively rolled at the wrist kneading the malleable flesh. It was an explorative action that he'd hedged around before when they made out. He'd always brushed against the side of her chest, clearly wanting to touch more, but had always seemed too timid. He was making up for lost time it would seem, as he took a prolonged time to explore. A new pride for her breasts bloomed at Van's breathy moan, as he broke the kiss to look down at his hand as though in mild shock.

She was aware that her chest wasn't really all that big, in fact she was rather small in that department, but apparently, that didn't much matter to her Draconian prince. The sharp thrill had her hand mapping out his chest and back, slipping low to tease the hem of his pants. For a second she wondered what he would do if she pushed her hands under the cloth to grab his butt, and grinned to herself at the bold daydream. She didn't try it worried Van would call an end to this if she did.

Though he was right to try and stop them, he was being considerate and, honestly, a truly good man, she also didn't want to admit to her stupid plan. She was using her supposed intoxication as an excuse to do the things she wanted to do but would be considered too forward. What was worse was that she had assumed Van was the kind of jerk that would have taken up her offer. If she admitted she wasn't drunk, would he feel insulted? Would he even want to stay with her?

I should have just told him I wanted to be alone with him… why am I such a chicken?

Hitomi arched up and caught Van's earlobe between her teeth and suckled on the bit of flesh, both to distract herself and because it was something she wanted to do. His hiss and the resulting tension in his back was her reward and she reveled in both, and followed the action with a gentle nip and a lick to the center of his ear. His breath hitched this time and he squeezed her breast a little too tightly.

His ears were very sensitive and she planned to use that to her advantage to drag this out as long as possible. If she managed to work him up enough, maybe he would be too relieved to find out she wasn't drunk to be insulted. She felt a little bad for this, but she felt certain that if she didn't take this opportunity now, she'd never get her chance.

The war was officially over. They were to head back to Fanelia in the next couple of days to begin reconstruction, and then she would be sent back. Back to Earth where there was no war real enough to threaten her, where she was a normal high school student with petty worries about tests and track competitions; the place where Van did not exist.

That fact cut her to the core and she felt the churning fear rise up to swallow her again. She knew deep inside that this war, this adventure, would leave her changed forever. She could never go back to being ignorant. More importantly she didn't want to, yet, if things happened as it did before, and she woke up in the nurse's office the day before she met Van, she'd have to pretend that nothing had happened. She would not be able to confide in anyone, because to the rest of the world, no time had passed at all.

That possibility was what fueled her actions now, and frightened her the most. If she would, essentially go back in time to before this all happened, then there was no way she could get pregnant. If events never happened at all then it would be nothing more than a dream. A dream only she could recall.

life would continue on for Van… but on Earth it never…

Arms tightening, Hitomi hitched one leg up and over Van's hip crushing them together. Van grunted at the action, and his hand fell away from her chest to brace on the mattress beside her, once again attempting to put some distance between them.

"Hitomi…" Van sounded strained and she felt empowered by it. She wanted to make him come undone, she wanted to see his expression of pleasure and abandonment, wanted to know all of Van's expressions, to sear them into her mind so that she couldn't forget them even if time was rewritten.

If everything is to become nothing more than a dream… then I will keep this at the very least.

Hitomi wondered briefly if this was what people meant when they talked about having sex to reaffirm one's existence. Was this the feelings they had when making that leap?Doing this now she realized that she could never take it back, but in all honesty would she want to, and would it even matter? She'd just return to that god awful moment in the nurses office where Amano expresses a feeling she can never return and Yukari comes clean about her crush—in a manner of speaking—and she'll have to keep herself from running out to meet Amano just because she might be able to see Van again if she just continues the cycle…

No. This would have to be enough for her. She would have to let the moment slip through her fingers and be happy with that. That meant she couldn't leave with any regrets. Not sleeping with Van, not giving herself fully to the one man she would love more than life itself would be a regret that would likely drive her mad.

With that thought in mind, Hitomi continued the hard rocking motion from before. Each thrust of his hips caused fireworks went off along her nerves. It felt way too good and Hitomi moaned clinging tighter to Van.

"… sweet Gaia…" Van choked and suddenly his hand was shoved violently under her blouse and his fingers were dipping into the cup of her bra. The feeling of his callused fingertips against her skin had her arching and hissing her own vocalization.

"Yes…"

And then he suddenly stopped.

"… Hitomi… we… we have to stop…" He was trembling and it was more than obvious his restraint was barely the width of a string as he removed his hand from under her shirt. "… I don't think I can…" He was blushing again and this time she knew it was because of his pride and his damnably sweet morals.

There was no way she could get him to continue without fessing up, and if she wanted this moment to be everything she hoped it would be, she needed to be honest with him. Gathering her courage, Hitomi tensed and used her body weight and the leverage she had on his hip to roll them, trapping Van beneath her.

"Wha—" The shocked look was amusing, as was the helpless stare he gave her when she leaned down and pinned his wrists to the softness of the bed. "H—Hitomi? What are you—"

"Make love to me." The words were almost impossible to say in her mind, and coming out they grated like sandpaper, but still she managed to say them and the nervousness she felt was not reflected in the words at all. "I'm not drunk."

Van's jaw dropped and he seemed unable to respond to her demand further than flushing clear to his naval. Looking down at him, she had the oddest urge to kiss his chest. The little amount of alcohol in her system made the idea seem all the more appealing and since Van was currently shocked stupid, she did just that, her tongue poking out to taste the skin between kisses.

His skin was salty and littered with small iridescent scars but she didn't mind either. His sharp inhale and twitch at the initial touch of her tongue emboldened her. She made her way across the expanse of skin until a small nipple lay before her. She took a moment to look at it before enclosing it in her mouth, testing the texture with her tongue and sucking lightly until his hips jerked up.

"!"

From her straddled position, Hitomi had complete control and instinctually rocked her hips in a circular motion atop of him. That felt so good that she had to abandon her nipple sucking to pant against his skin.

"Wait… wait… Hitomi, you can't—you're not thinking clear."

She stopped his words with a hard kiss and then spoke into those lips so that she wouldn't be embarrassed and stop; "I want this Van."

He opened his mouth to argue and Hitomi released one wrist to touch his lips stroking them, adoring the simple shape they took and spoke the words she dreaded most in a hushed whisper.

"I'm really not drunk. I had one glass of wine… it was an excuse really… I just…I…" words momentarily failed her and she could do nothing but sit there admiring everything about her angel, including the throb of his heartbeat in his throat. "I wanted to be alone with you. I wanted to…" The words caught and she closed her eyes to regain the courage to continue. "This is the one gift I can only give away once and I want you to have it… just in case."

A heartbeat, then two. She swallowed thickly, opening her eyes to try and read his expression, wondering what Van was thinking as he continued to stare up at her.

is he mad that I pretended to be drunk?

He just continued to stare up at her and she began to feel uncertain.

"Van, I'm sorry I—" She was cut off as Van pushed up so that he was sitting with her straddling his lap, her one hand still held his wrist, and he reached out his free hand toward her face. She held her breath, wondering what he would do and then, suddenly, Van was crushing her against his chest.

So tight was the embrace that she couldn't even breathe. Gasping as best she could, Hitomi tried to return the hold and was further shocked when Van rolled them until he was once again atop her, his hips pressed snuggly to her own and hope swelled in her chest; new and enticing.

Staring at her he leaned in and kissed her. It was deep, and sent pleasant shivers down her spine. Her toes curled, and she wrapped her legs around his hips. His tongue pushed inside, tangling with her own and she lost herself in his kisses for what felt like a long time. His lips parted from hers for a panted breath before pressing back in to steal what little air she'd grasped several times, his hands once more roaming her sides and slipping under her shirt.

She pulled her lips from his own to gasp and moan as he again found her bra and pushed it out of his way in a strangely, slow, hot way. His lips pressed to her neck, her jaw and then the edge of her ear.

"Thank you…" Van whispered.

"Wha?"

Van pulled back until his face was mere inches from her own, his dark mahogany eyes were warm and possessive, yet his blush and the smile curving his lips were endearingly boyish. The shiver she felt then was purely sexual when his hands slowly moved to remove her shirt.

"You chose me." The comment reminded her painfully of his broken expression soaked in rain when he had gone looking for her only to find her with Allen. The guilt was sharp and Hitomi bit her lip which drew his eyes down to them before they lowered further to see the skin he was exposing. "… you can't take it back."

It was so him to make that demand that she almost laughed, but thankfully the brush of cold air and the weight of his eyes on her exposed bra clad chest stole the air from her lungs. He had shoved his hand under her bra moments before but him looking at her was somehow more embarrassing. Insecure, she moved to cover herself, but Van was quick to restrain her hands, as she had done before, pinning them to the bed beside her head.

"Hitomi." His voice was deep, commanding and her eyes snapped to meet his own. The heat between their bodies was charged, something smothering and encompassing. She was trapped in his gaze, waiting his next action. "I want you (1)."

Hitomi's eyes widened in recognition of the phrase, and felt her cheeks heat as she understood his meaning, and what he was trying to say by using them now. He was confessing. He was admitting to having wanted her since that moment in the granary as it rained outside, and that his desire had not changed since that moment.

She swallowed nervously, her face burning with embarrassment and nerves as she forced herself to respond as honestly and clearly as he had and a smile made its way up her lips as the words passed between them on a breath.

"… I've always been… yours, Va—" He kissed her.

His tongue invaded her, his hands gripped her wrists tightly, palms holding her to him in response to her declaration. She returned the kiss as best as she could, twisting her wrists until he was forced to let them go, his palms scraping her own as he moved to interlock their fingers together and keep her pinned beneath him.

Hitomi swore the world tilted as Van's heated skin fell in to cover her nakedness. A joy, so intense it made her heart ache swelled inside and for a moment, she felt as though fate had just bent to her will and granted her a gift she didn't deserve.

I love you… I love you so much…

XX

Twelfth Day of the Ninth Month

7 Year of Carusfatum

Gaea

XX

"Crown price?!" The bellow carried well in the main hall that was rarely ever used in the castle. There was a large chair set upon a dais. Below the steps there were six chairs arranged to either side all occupied by those that were referred to as "the elders". At one time, all six positions were filled by those of Fanelia's advisors all of whom were native to Fanelia. During the time of his Father's reign, they had all help important roles within the palace itself and were, in a sense, part of Fanelia's limited nobility. They oversaw various areas outside of the main hub of the city, and saw to the management of the fields and crops.

After Zaibach's attach and the following war, many of those families had perished, or simply never returned. Only two of the original group remained; Idus and Emos. The former of the two being the one that had just let out the annoying shriek.

"How can there be such a thing when you are not yet wed, your majesty?!" Idus continued, his milky blue eyes wide in his deeply lined and bearded face. His white hair and beard were well maintained but at the moment he looked almost crazed, his beard adding to the effect. Van wondered if this kind of excitement wouldn't send the old man into an early grave.

There was a soft chuckled from the only woman amongst them, and a wizened, sun kissed hand rose to cover an amused mouth. Sorna was the elder of the nomadic caravan of traders that had aided Dryden in locating most of Fanelia's lost citizens. She had remained here as her advancing age had made the perpetual journeying between Freid and Fanelia treacherous for her. Her grandson had taken over leadership and stopped by when they were in the area. She was a vast wealth of knowledge Van was grateful to have. She was also the voice he tended to listen to the most aside from Bora, the leader of Arzas.

"My, my, Idus… I would think you would know how that comes about by now. Do you not have grandchildren yourself?" Sorna teased, her graveled voice tinged with amusement.

"The how of the matter is irrelevant." Chided Emos, his silvered hair giving his haggard face a sharp quality that matched his personality. "Our King has not yet taken a wife. An illegitimate child is hard enough to proclaim as heir, but one that is already so old and was not made known until now?" Emos shook his head; the reprimand and disappointment clear in the action.

"Bah! The other nations can lie all they want, most of their royalty were ill begotten children of wayward emotions." Sorna waved a gnarled hand dismissively, the shawl that covered most of her head and face shifting with the movement and allowing a glimpse of the grey and white braid that was plaited over her shoulder.

"Yes! But how will they view us now with this announcement?" Idus continued to shout, still overly excited it would seem over Van's announcement. "Fanelia has always been an eyesore to the rest of the kingdoms. Viewed as little more than a…" His features twisted, "…an uncivilized, small kingdom overrun by land dragons!"

The insult was old; Van had heard variations of that exact sentiment dressed up to be a back-handed compliment plenty of times. Basram (2) in particular was still rather sore after having lost both the war and their advanced weaponry. It helped little that both Asturia and Fanelia had garnished their treasury in war reparations during the years following the war and reconstruction. He'd heard plenty of "praise" from the Duke's mouth just six months prior to be well aware of how Fanelia was 'viewed'.

"An illegitimate child, without a mother would—"

"King Van has made strong alliances with both the Duke of Freid as well as the King of Asturia." Trent Dahvi spoke up then. The man was the youngest in this council, a mere thirty-eight years of age. He was a knight that had been trained and hand-picked by Allen to guard Fanelia in the first year after reconstruction had begun. He was a tall man with many scars, he honestly reminded Van of Balgus and he felt a comradery with him that he had lacked with the other knights.

Both Trent and Gaho Gillard had been knights within Fanelia before the war. They had been tasked with escorting the citizens out. As a result, they were two of only a few of the original knights from the army of Fanelia to have survived. For this reason they were added to the council, though Emos and Idus clearly did not respect their positions.

"I can't see them allowing any such belittling remarks in regards to Fanelia's Prince." Trent finished, though his expression showed he wasn't exactly thrilled with the news either. Trent was likely used to the comments as well, and while he would not speak up about Ani's birth, he was clearly uncomfortable with his illegitimacy.

Van felt a headache forming and sighed, placing a hand over his eyes. He hated this room. It was large, echoed obnoxiously and was far too ostentatious for his tastes. He had allowed its construction only because Emos and Idus had complained loudly about retaining the "prestige of the past". The previous castle had indeed had a large audience hall that had, at one time, also been used by his father and the council of elders. However, Van had only used this hall twice, including today. He preferred to carry out his meetings in a smaller more secured room, however circumstances had made this the best place to convene.

If Anil was not being kept in the halls in which said room resided, he would have used it now. However, until he'd resolved this issue, he did not want his son meeting any of these people. Until he had their word and secured their loyalty to Anil, not one of them would meet the boy.

Now I understand the stories of Father threatening to cut out the advisor's tongues…

Van rubbed his aching head as the squabbling continued. He had expected this, and was pleasantly surprised to find Sorna and Bora relatively unconcerned and solidly backing his words with little convincing needed. The reaction of Arzas was of most importance to him as it was a hub of barter for Fanelia and the closest of their allies. Sorna's caravan was the other as they frequently made their way between capitols and could be used to spread information, or to squelch it as necessary. Their silent acceptance and disinterest in Anil's conception was a relief.

The other four were important only for the fact that they represented Fanelia itself. Anil's life would be dictated by that most of all, which was why he was even having this discussion. It was important that he deal with this now. While Emos and Idus were rather the outliers of public opinion these days, they still held power and Van would have to appease them to some degree if he wanted to create a safe haven for his son. Simply bellowing and commanding them to behave would only gain Anil their loyalty to his face. Van knew from experience, that kind of two-faced loyalty was worth less than mud.

"That will not stop the wagging tongues of the masses." Emos said softly.

"The masses will speak whether it is truth or fiction spilling from their mouths." Bora stated with a shake of his grey-furred head. His left eye was milky and had an old scar running through it. It made the beastman look imposing despite his advanced age and gentle nature. Van secretly thought that his appearance was partially why Emos had never once spoken against him before. "Nothing we can say will change that."

"I will not accept another insult to the face of Fanelia!" Idus snapped, apparently too far gone in his excitement to remember just who it was presiding over this conversation. "It was bad enough when that fool brought back a draconian as his wife! Tainting the royal line, now we are to accept a bastard—"

Van' eyes narrowed and he had slammed the scabbard of his sword into the ground with a loud, echoing clang before he'd even consciously thought to move. He didn't carry his sword around as much as he did in the first years following the war, but he'd brought it with him today. Apparently, it had come in useful. The stunned silence was nearly palpable in the room as the bang reverberated with his anger. Emos had his eyes closed and a resigned expression of weariness, clearly aware of just how badly his compatriot had fouled.

Idus had gone pale, his eyes widening in his face as his own words caught up to him and he quickly moved from his chair into a low bow that ordinarily, Van never expected or asked for from his subjects. Right now, however, seeing the elderly man like that appeased some of the boiling rage that simmered in his blood.

"Forgive me, my King!" Idus was smart enough not to add anything more. He did not try to defend his words, nor did he try to lie about the insults he had just hurled.

While sickened and honestly livid, Van knew that this sentiment was not something he could fix. Many across Gaea hated, feared or cursed Draconians. While his lineage had been rather well known within his circle of allies, they had all managed to keep it secret from the general populace. He was unlikely to ever escape this blatant racism, and though it was a bitter pill to swallow, fighting against it would only turn him into a tyrant in others eyes.

"I will not abide such disrespect from you, or anyone, in my presence." His threat was cold and firm leaving no doubt as to his mercy in this moment. He was not forgiving Idus, he was however, not going to punish him for it this time. He might not be able to stop people for speaking behind his back, he could however, expect and demand they keep from saying such things to his face.

"Yes, my lord." Idus said, pressing closer to the ground. Van should have felt some concern for his body and how the old man would get himself up from the ground, but he didn't. He was incised by the words from an aide in his own council, he was still hurt and angry over Hitomi's actions and now he was forced to face the fact that he might very well fail his son if he can't create an environment where Anil would feel safe.

Damn it… I didn't want to use this…

Gritting his teeth he turned his glare onto the rest of his council. "You all are working under an assumption that has not been confirmed." He ground out, putting his anger and resentment into each syllable. "Anil is my son and heir. When exactly did I say he was illegitimate?"

Eyes widened and they looked from him to each other. He hoped none of them would find the wording suspicious and force him to lie directly instead of implying heavily. Only Sorna seemed unsurprised as she lowered her hooded head, to hide the smile though Van caught it anyway.

"Sire, are you saying—" Gaho began, his eyebrows pinched.

"Impossible. Lord Van you are not yet married—" Emos began and Van turned his glare upon him, his voice lowering dangerously as he interrupted.

"You were not with me through the War of Fortuna." He took a step closer down the dias until he stood over the older man, glaring him down. "I am not yet willing to divulge the truths and actions taken to protect my child, but know this, Emos. Anil Van de Fanel is my son and rightful heir."

The old man didn't look away from him, nor did he seem particularly cowed. He merely nodded his head and agreed with an annoying, 'of course, my lord.' Van's grip on his sword tightened and he turned from the group, too angry and raw to continue with this. He was lying through his teeth and what was worse, right now he was still hurt and angry with the woman he was lying about having married. He had no idea if she would agree to be his wife still and here he was spinning lies he'd have to ask his friends to help validate without speaking to them and without permission from Hitomi herself.

Damn it!

His head throbbed and his eyes ached. He would not continue this useless meeting where he could not state anything definitively. If he wasn't careful, his temper would have him making claims that would be hard to follow up later.

"That's enough for today." He snapped. "I merely intended to inform you all of Anil's position as he has returned ahead of plan. He will be shown the respect he deserves." He sighed before following the statement up with, "… for now, I do not wish to announce him to everyone. Refrain from…" He paused and glared at Emos and Idus pressing his point home. "…wagging your tongues."

"Of course, my King."

Maybe it was his temper, but Van would swear there was some sarcasm in the words.

"Then… his mother..?" Bora asked, though all present was well aware of who the mother must have been. He could tell they all knew from the uneasy way they looked anywhere but at him. He was a draconian and Hitomi was from the "cursed" mystic moon. While Fanelia had come to view the mystic moon as something more like a guardian and harbinger of good fortune mostly due to Hitomi herself, the rest of the world would likely see their union as something evil.

Perhaps Anil would be safer on the Mystic Moon…

Van dismissed the thought sharply, unwilling to let go of his son now that he had found him.

"She is safe." That was all he was going to say in regards to Hitomi right now.

The others accepted this and the meeting adjourned. Van was twitching with nerves and anxiety. This was not how he had wanted this to end. Bora had come all the way from Arzas as soon as Ruhm had returned with news that Van had carried off the child from the blue light. It was no short journey but Van had no other option as of right now.

It didn't help matters that the link he had thought dead was pulsing with fear and sadness and it was more than a little distracting. Hitomi was drowning him in thick emotions and he felt guilty for being mad at her. He couldn't even consider reaching out to her right now, wasn't even certain he could reach her, seeing as before he'd been unable to get through and up until an hour ago, their link had been silent. He needed to think and he just couldn't.

Emos and Idus left to return to their homes in town, and Sorna was quick to follow. Gaho actually assisted her out of the room, which left Van alone with Trent and Bora.

"I am sure Ruhm will be pleased to know the child is indeed a harbinger of good." Bora said kindly as he rose, and Van was forced to face him.

"Yes. And please, tell him I am sorry for not telling him before."

"No need. This is a delicate matter." Bora began, "If it is not too troublesome, I would like to remain her for a while before returning. I do not wish to trouble anyone with a trip back to Arzas when Ruhm will be certain to return within the week with more meat and pelts to sell."

Van could tell the man knew this was not the end of things and was likely finding a reason to stay to reduce his trips, with that in mind all he could do was nod in ascent. He flagged down one of the maids that had entered to remove the six chairs from the center of the room and asked her to take care of getting Bora a room.

Bora left with a bow and Van closed his eyes as Hitomi's emotions swelled once more.

Hitomi, let me think! Please…

He was doing all he could. He'd sent the messages out by bird. They should arrive fairly quickly, and hopefully in a week or so he will have people to speak with in depth about this. Hopefully by then he will know how he felt and what he wanted to do. In the meantime, he needed to speak with his son. Surprisingly, he was nervous about that as well.

"My Lord." Trent asked from his side, the only one remaining. "Are you unwell?"

"I am fine. It has been a long night."

And will be a longer day…

Trent nodded his head but did not leave and after a moment he spoke up again. "Forgive me for assuming, but… perhaps you should go to the training hall."

"What?" His tone was sharper than he intended it to be, but Trent had never taken offense to such things.

"Sword work, as you know, can help clear the mind and realign one's focus." Trent clapped him on the shoulder in a friendly manner, gripping his shoulder once before he turned to leave. Pausing at the door to toss back, "Besides, you have not been down to practice in sometime. No sense in allowing your skills to dull." And with that sage advice, he too left.

Standing there, feeling Hitomi's emotions battering at him, and the crush of the weight of everything else, Van came to the conclusion that Trent was not wrong, though he was purposefully being antagonistic in order to get Van to go to the training hall.

He should go find Anil, however, he would do better if he wasn't so on edge. With that reasoning, Van found himself making his way in the opposite direction from where Anil was. He would seek out his son when he could think clearly, and when his emotions were less volatile.

XX

12 September, 2003

Gaea

XX

Anil was pouting. It wasn't exactly something a big boy like him should do, but he didn't much care. Pushing his lower lip out further in the shaded cupboard, and pulling his knees closer to his chest, he crushed the powder ball he'd stolen from the laundry room in his hand slowly to mask his smell.

He wasn't stupid.

He'd figured out how Merle kept finding him the first time he'd run off on the cat girl. At first it was fun watching her find him by scent, but it had gotten old and he was tired of being good. He wanted to see his father and Merle was making up excuses to keep him away. He didn't know why, he didn't care why. He came to get his daddy so daddy would go get mommy and bring her back here so they could live happily ever after.

"Damn it, where'd that brat get to now…" Merle grumbled, and Anil blinked at the explicit that had escaped her mouth in regards to him. Usually an adult had to know him more than half a day to start cursing him, and that was only if they decided to lie to him."… when I find him…"

Her words trailed off and she began sniffing in earnest and Anil, pushed himself further into the table clothes and other linen in his hiding place, as quietly as he could. They had a musky, starched smell that was rather powerful, so really with that and his soaking ball he'd gotten from a kind old maid, if she could smell him out he would have to admit to her being on par with the Yellow Ranger at least.

It was quiet for a long time, but he didn't dare to move. She'd snagged him earlier just after breakfast and before the laundry room, by doing this. She could be very quiet and then jump up onto some rafter without any sound or effort. She could then pounce on him like a normal cat when he dared to leave his hiding place.

Well, he was not falling for her trap twice. Besides, he was fairly certain she couldn't smell him right now, otherwise she would have opened the doors already. Nope. He was happy to sit right here, until she either dragged him out or left.

He continued to glare at the closed doors and stew in the memory of why he was doing everything in his power to be bad, and as it usually did, it helped him to remain utterly still as the time passed.

He had woken alone with the cat again, from the brightness in the room, and the meal she had given him, he knew he would not be seeing his father for a while. He hadn't even gotten a chance to say good morning, or to talk at all.

That of course made him think of how his mother would have forced him up hours before unless he was sick, in order to tell him she loved him and tell him the plan for the day. The difference was painful and disappointing. He wanted to see his father right away, to confirm that daddy still loved him. Last night he did, but, he wasn't so sure now.

Why did he leave me alone with her? She's so mean…

When he had asked her in the kitchen whether his father had already eaten, Merle had slapped a hand over his mouth before he'd finished asking about daddy, and his face still smarted from it. Anil rubbed his cheek and glared harder. For that alone, he'd stay in this cupboard until she dragged him out, and he would kick, scream and bite the whole way.

She'd then dragged him away and lectured him on why he couldn't say he was Van's son so freely, which he of course ignored and started to vocalize very loudly and emphatically to anyone in sight that he was Anil Van de Fanel, until she had given chase. The game had been fun for a while until he realized that no matter what he said, or how much he ran, his father didn't appear to scold him.

It was like he didn't care at all. Feeling dejected by that, he had tried simply asking about his father's whereabouts, and his warden—she had gained the unfortunate status of 'baby-sitter' when she had used that phony and irritating excuse of, "He'll be back soon, why don't we explore the castle/house/backyard until then, okay?"—had tried to distract him. He had allowed her to lead him to the laundry room, the kitchen, the stables, and the throne room before he realized she had no intention of leading him to his father. Recognizing her motives, he tried crying and throwing a tantrum that had earned him many a time out and sore bottom over the years. This only made the warden lock him up in the room again.

So, he'd decided to be as bad as he could be. He crawled out the window and, moving along the roof, slipped into another window and escaped. She had caught him three times before he finally escaped by jumping out, and gliding with his wings to the ground level. It was simple then to slip in with a maid that wasn't paying attention at all.

"… freaking devil-spawn is what he is…" Merle muttered again, and he heard her alight on the ground and continue on her way, cursing and grumbling all the while. Anil waited until his butt had gone numb before he moved to leave.

Sato-sensei had caught him numerous times for simply being impatient, and he'd already been caught for the same thing today.

He winced at the bright light of the day that assaulted his eyes when he opened the doors to his enclosure. When his eyes adjusted he looked up and down the stone halls. No one was around, he even looked up just in case, but the rafters were clear as well. He climbed out and shut the doors quietly as he could, shoving the lump of soap into his pocket so he wouldn't drop it or leave a trail for her to follow, then Anil took off in the opposite direction then his pursuer.

His chest was sore from all the running he was doing but he ignored it. His Mommy was a track coach and he was determined to be just as good as she was at running. As a boy he should be able to do that at least, and so, he kept running until he had a faint ringing in his ears. Slowing down, Anil panted and pushed his wet bangs from his face. He didn't recognize this part of the castle, and so he took a moment to look around a bit. He should find another place to hide away soon, someone must have seen him and the rumors would quickly reach the cat.

A sharp sound of metal made him pause beside a large door that was partially open. Curious, he looked into the darkened room. It was hard to see inside, and it was clear there were no windows within. Personally he thought a room without windows stupid. Who wanted a place where you couldn't get out if you needed to? Besides, it got boring without them. How could you tell what time of day it was, or spy on someone coming up to your house, or know the weather without windows?

The sound came again, this time accompanied by a grunt and Anil went into the room to find out what it was. He was quiet and crawled passed the door, slipping around to follow the wall as soon as he was inside. He noticed some scones along the walls where they could burn fire if they wanted and was slightly mollified when he found that though you couldn't see out of them, there were slatted windows along the tops of the walls and some of the afternoon sunlight was streaming through.

His eyes adjusted swiftly to the dimmer lighting and Anil found that there were large shelf-like things along the walls that he could use as a cover at least from someone peering through the doorway, and he quickly crawled to the furthest side of the nearest one. Crouching on the balls of his feet, Anil pulled his knees up and got comfortable. He wondered what the room was used for when he found several weapons lining the shelves, when movement drew his attention to the center of the room.

Wow…

Anil gaped in awe when he found that the source of the noise was none other than his father, and he was currently holding a large sword and swinging it with ease in practiced and precise moves.

He's cooler than a samurai movie!

Anil found himself grinning and lowering back onto his hands and knees, entrapped by the deadly dance. His father was a ways away from him and it was hard to see his expression, but even from the distance, Anil could tell that he was frowning. The power behind each attack caused the air to whistle around the blade and it made him shiver.

It was both scary and awesome and Anil was unable to look away. Each move only made the heroic image his mother had painted all the more real. As he had many times before, Anil desperately hoped that he could grow up to be like him, even if just a little. His mother always spoke of how much he looked like his father and he had spent a long time in front of mirrors trying to imagine what it was that looked like his father.

Having seen him now, he knew his father had his hair color, but other than that, he couldn't see what his mother did.

The dance of the blade lead his father behind a large red pillar and blocked him from view. Determined not to miss anything, Anil crawled up to said pillar and cautiously looked around it. Van was sweating, the large patches of darker cloth on his shirt made it clear he had been in here for a while. With a loud exclamation, Van thrust his sword forward and the force of the action made Anil jump.

What part of me… is anything like him…?

Anil wondered feeling a little ill. Insecurity was something he had come to recognize from the teasing students at his daycare, but this was the first time he'd felt it so sharply. He desperately wanted to be worthy of being this man's son, but he had no idea how to go about it. He had never had to impress his mother, every little thing he did garnered her praise. Aunt Yukari was the same and Uncle Amano and Mamoru were always telling him how much he improved on things he wasn't good at.

All his life there had been a distinct difference between family and the rest. His family loved him without question. He didn't have to impress them or earn their love. The rest of the world though, they despised him for simply breathing. He had always assumed his father was like the rest of his family. He had no reason to doubt it…

Except, he did.

This man didn't know Anil. He was so much more than anyone else; an angel, a king, a hero, and Anil was simply average in comparison. He bit his lip and pressed his fingertips into the cool surface of the pillar. If he asked his father to teach him to use a sword or how to be a good ruler, would he do so? If he asked for a hug, a story, or to simply stay by his side, would it be granted?

Anil didn't know how to answer those questions and didn't know how to deal with the unknown. Usually he ran ahead and pushed his way into people's lives and their attention, but he didn't particularly care if they liked him or not. This, this man was different.

He told me that I was wrong before… that he did want me… but then, why did he leave me with Merle?

The dance continued, the slashes moving faster until Anil swore the sword left arcs of light in the air. He could hear Van's breathing from his hiding spot, and was quietly impressed at its controlled sound despite the motion and speed in which he executed the moves. He knew from playing Power Rangers during recess that spinning, rolling and running was tiring with a stick, and he'd heard that swords were even heavier. His father had just turned from him completely, positioning himself to do that running thrust move that had startled him the first time and Anil tensed in preparation.

"Ha, ha. Found you…" Merle suddenly breathed into his ear just as two clawed hands descended to his sides to tickle him. His scream had less to do with the tickling sensation and everything to do with the startled fear that practically made his heart stop.

"Yeowch! Calm down, stop screeching you idiot! Aren't you a boy?" Merle snapped, her hands releasing him to cover her ears and Anil jumped away, landing hard on his tail bone and scooting away from her, only then ending the high-pitched cry he knew for a fact brought no less than three police officers to his aid when he was back home.

"Oww, my ears are bleeding…" Merle continued to complain and glared openly at him. "What's the big idea, brat?"

"You started it!" He snapped pointing a finger at the furred girl which only made her stand to her full height, hands on her hips and tail fluffed. Anil had the fleeting urge to pull it but restrained, well aware that his father must be watching them. He vaguely remembered seeing the man trip when he'd screamed.

"I did what?! Now look here you little—"

"Merle."

They both straightened at the disappointed tone in the voice and Anil didn't have to turn to know his father had sheathed his sword, it made that really cool 'snick' sound in its sheath.

"Wha—but…" Merle appeared scandalized and looked back and forth between him and his father. A moment passed before she was pointing at him once again, face a mask of irritated anger. Okay so, maybe her reaction was from the face he was making at her while his back was to his father, but still, he'd never had a babysitter snap this quickly at him. It was fun pushing her buttons, especially since he'd bested her and had managed to find his father despite her efforts to keep him from doing just that. "He's the one who ran away!"

"Is that so?" It was less of a question and more like how his mother regarded him when she knew he had been bad. He shouldn't be surprised that his father could do that voice too. Anil blinked and felt his face flushing in embarrassment. His lower lip poked out and he lowered his head until his bangs hid both adults from his vision and fisted his hands in his shirt to stay their shaking.

Wasn't this what he'd been trying to do? Get his attention by being bad? So why, why did he feel so angry and sad that it had worked?

"Yes. He crawled out the window and has been running around the place for the last three hours, Lord Van. I was just trying to catch him before he got hurt." The cat continued and Anil lashed out immediately, shoving at her harshly. She was just trying to make him look bad, just like all the others did. It wasn't fair and he wouldn't stand for being made the bad guy when she was just as much to blame.

She stumbled back a bit, shocked but didn't fall down from the impact, all the same, his father grabbed his arm and wrenched him around sharply.

"Anil!" The shocked and harsh tone made Anil's eyes sting with tears and he refused to look up already knowing the expression he would find. He'd never wanted his father to look at him like that, and now he knew there was no escaping it.

its my fault and just like it always is.

Anil thought viciously, turning his head away. The grip gentled a bit and the voice lowered until it was that god-awful, disappointed lecture tone his grandfather tended to take with him.

"A man never hits a woman. What were you thinking? I know your mother would have taught you better than this."

The words stung and Anil sniffled trying really hard not to cry. He was not a cry baby and he would not make things worse by looking like one in front of his father now.

"Well?" Van pressed and Anil shifted, mumbling to his toes, in a voice Van probably didn't hear much of, if any.

"…she wouldn't take me to see you…"

Van sighed and released his arm completely, Anil let it fall to his side and refused to rub it. "That is no excuse for hitting her." Van sighed, and Anil's lips pursed closer together in an angry moue. "Now, I want you to apologize."

Anil looked up then, his mouth falling open in pained shock and was correct in finding the stern and disappointed expression on his father's face. It hurt and Anil felt more tears well up and he reacted to the unfairness of it all the way he usually did.

"Why should I have too? She wouldn't tell me anything and then locked me in a room, and hit me when I asked about you—"

"You hit him?" Van spun just as quickly on Merle, his flabbergasted disappointment clear in his tone. Anil felt slightly vindicated at that but only a little.

He at least believes me…

"No I didn't! He was about to blab to the whole kitchen that you were his father and I had to cover his mouth quickly to stop him!" Merle said as though she were the one suffering. "Then the little devil started shouting his full name at the top of his lungs when I told him he needed to keep it a secret."

"..." His father said nothing, just stared at her for a long while until the cat girl ducked her head, her ears lowering a bit, looking meek.

"… I might have connected a bit sharply with his mouth…" She huffed and then turned to Anil. He frowned uncertain of what to expect and was shocked when she bowed slightly. "I'm sorry if I hurt you, it was not my intention."

Anil blinked at her a moment, wondering if she was pulling his leg, or was simply trying to get out of trouble. No adult aside from his mother had ever apologized to him before. When they messed up it was always his fault, or it was just never addressed. Even Sato-sensei had been guilty of trying to make up for his mistakes by giving him a piece of candy instead of talking it out. Only his mother had ever tried to understand and place him on the same level. That said Anil wasn't certain what the cat woman was playing at.

He wanted to believe she was being genuine, but he'd been fooled too many times back on Earth. Besides, she clearly didn't want to make his father angry so she could just be putting on an act because he was there. It wasn't until Merle lifted her eyes and he saw the sincerity in her look and the angle of her ears that he was willing to believe her.

"I'm really sorry, Anil. I didn't know I'd hurt you, will you forgive me?"

Anil bit his lip and nodded slowly. He'd accept her apology for now.

"…sorry for pushing you."

"It's okay, I shouldn't have scared you like I did."

Anil shook his head emphatically then. "No, mommy always says that no matter what happens I shouldn't hit or push someone unless there is no other option, and even then that's only after they hit me first… you didn't mean to hit me before… I know that. So... so, I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted. Now, how about an apology for running away?"

Anil looked up at her slowly and met a bright smile that he was certain was real and gave a meek smile of his own. He still didn't completely trust her, but she wasn't entirely evil. The weight of a hand on his head made him turn and found his father looking down at him with a small smile.

He nodded once and Anil felt himself puff up with pride, some of his apprehension dissipating. "So, now that you found me, what did you need?"

"Ah!" Jumping forward, Anil reached out to grab his father's hand and used it to tug on him. "Hurry, we need to go back and get mommy!" His tugging seemed to do little good as his father just stiffened and paled as though he had just seen a ghost. "Daddy?"

"Anil, we can't go right now." Van said his voice curiously blank and his expression pinched in the same way that his Mommy's tended to do when she was reminded of Masahiko's mother. He didn't understand why his father was making that face, or why they couldn't go. His lower lip poked out once more and he began tugging in earnest.

"Why? We have to hurry! Mommy was really upset and if we don't go soon it'll be too late!"

They had to go back! Now, right away! If they didn't get back in time there would be no way to correct things and this would all be for nothing. He looked up imploringly at his father, but the man stayed quiet.

"Why?! Why aren't you helping Mommy?! Don't you love her? Don't you care?!" He was crying again. If he was home his mother would be giving him the look and ask if he needed a nap. He was too old for naps now but she still threatened them. But, he wasn't home and no one seemed to understand the importance of the moment, nor why he was getting cranky and whiney.

Simply put, his mother was not there.

"Daddy, please!" He was aware that his voice had taken on the begging plea that often had uncle Mamoru rolling his eyes and calling him an infant. Merle was starting to give him a look, he wasn't sure what it meant but it was a mix between pity and annoyance. In any case he didn't much like it. His stomach was feeling rather sour and his throat was starting to get tight when his father continued his impression a Shisa statue. "Dad—"

"Enough!" Van snapped, his voice no louder than it had been before, but the chill in the tone was enough to freeze him.

"W…wha?" Anil's grip slackened and his fingers uncurled enough to slip down over the larger callused hand to trip over the sturdy fingers.

"We just can't run off to the Mystic Moon because we feel like it. There are specific obligations that come with ruling a kingdom and must be considered. Your mother has not sent any word of being in mortal danger and so far, aside from your disappearance there is nothing to be concerned with, I cannot justify leaving Fanelia unprotected simply because you demand it." The lecture was emotionless and each word cut through Anil and little by little the glorified image he'd held of his father was tattered.

His father was supposed to be an angel, a guardian and hero who made things right no matter how difficult it was. His father was supposed to be perfect and yet, here he stood, just an ordinary man; an adult that seemed just as blind and limited as any other.

His fingers dropped completely away.

"Do you understand, Anil?" Van asked, but his look and voice made it clear that he wasn't really trying to get him to understand anything. No, Van was telling Anil how to think. Anil's lips pursed together just as his fingers curled into his palms and his arms began to shake. "We'll do what we can for Hitomi," Van paused and his own hands clenched saying his mother's name, as though he were angry with his mother. "But first we must see what options are available to us."

"When?"

"What?"

"When will we go to mommy?"

"…" The silence was weighted, the way it usually became when an adult didn't know or didn't want to answer a question. More of the illusion crumbled away, the reality made him sick and made him question the truth of his mother's words. Slowly he felt the tension stretch, spark, and then, as always, Van sucked in a breath.

A breath to lie.

He was tired of lies. A soft sound, perhaps a whimper or maybe it was a choked cry of anger; disappointment, agony. A few tears escaped as he clenched his eyes closed and hot liquid burned over his cheeks like shame and then he was moving. Spinning on his left foot Anil took off running, his feet pounding out the staccato beat of his heart. There was nothing but the thunder of his pulse, the drumming of his of his feet, the whistling of his lungs and he ran faster. Like the wind.

Like his mother.

XX

She had wondered how Hitomi had put up with that brat and how he had survived for as long as he had. It was most vexing looking for the child as he sent her on a merry chase showcasing the best and worst of both his parents; fast like Hitomi, clever like Van, irritating and mouthy like Hitomi, bull-headed and moody like Van.

Oh yes, over all, Merle had found the runt to be quite a handful and was beginning to doubt that he had ever truly been cute at all until she'd found him watching his father from behind a pillar. Anil had looked so awed and small there, just a boy so desperate to know his father and yet so afraid to do so that her heart had gone out to him.

Sure he was obnoxious, but he was the heir of Fanelia and more than that he was a child of both worlds who seemed to belong to neither. His mother was in danger, at least Anil felt that she was, and he was just hoping his father would save them both. He was wishing so hard it was probably the only thing still holding him together.

Watching him, Merle had felt inexplicably protective of Anil, and the lingering look of doubt on his young face had been unbearable. Although he showed qualities of both parents he was most certainly his own person, and from the looks of it, Anil was very broken inside. That was only further proven as he reached out asking his father for help only to be denied.

She knew why Van couldn't leave. She understood it all too well. But she was an adult. Anil was only six-years-old. Van was dealing with his own problems and emotions and was not thinking about the boy. She knew Van was good with kids, he took his role with the orphanage seriously and was there as often as he could be. His lack of understanding could only be attributed to his own hurt heart.

She honestly didn't know who she felt for more pity for.

Van was so sullen, so frightened by Anil's words that he simply closed off. It was the same reaction she'd been getting for years whenever she brought up Hitomi. It was as though he was hiding a deep wound, pampering it and allowing the cut to poison and fester eating him within, but he held on to it because the pain at least told him that he had not forgotten. Merle wished she could tear the wound open if only to release the poison that was choking him, but Van simply wouldn't allow that, and she had never been strong enough or confident enough to force him to face it.

Anil was forcing him to face it now.

It's so much worse though… because Hitomi never said anything…

Merle closed her eyes trying to block the image of that tiny child with his shocked expression and slowly dying hope. She had never felt like hitting Van more than in that moment. The moment Van ignored the signs of the child breaking, when that awful, gut-wrenching sob escaped from clenched teeth, and Anil bolted from the room as though he couldn't bear to hear the excuses anymore, as though he knew what to expect in those next few moments, Merle's sympathies swung fully to him and stayed there.

"Anil—" Van began only to be cut off as the child turned and, with a speed that nearly put his mother to shame, vanished from sight.

"Anil!" Merle cried turning, her hand outstretched only to see the faded shadow of Anil escape her. The wind brought her the scent of tears and she grit her teeth and her fist and turned on her ruler; tail fluffed and fur bristled. "Van!"

Her shout startled him and he jumped his brown eyes impossibly wide as he looked to her, his own hand still partially raised toward the figure that was no longer there. He looked just as lost as his son and some of her anger bled away to reluctant pity.

Sighing, Merle reigned in her temper, closed her eyes and forced her body to relax and her fur to smooth before asking through still clenched teeth, cheek twitching with her residual anger. "What happened?"

"—!"

"And no lying to me!" Her blue eyes flew open to glare into Van's startled brown and pushed. "What happened just now obviously ties into whatever happened between you and Hitomi and you better start explaining now."

Brown eyes narrowed as the mask fell back into place as Van attempted to move the injury out of her sight. "We've been through this Merle—"

"No!" Merle shook her head and flung her arm out to point at the empty doorway. "You just hurt your son, Van! You hurt him badly because you can't face whatever happened, and you can't face him!" Her words must have struck true as he flinched and averted his eyes, dark bangs shadowing him in much the same way Anil had done previously, his lips pressing into a thin colorless line.

Mollified, Merle softened her voice and stood straight, her arms limp beside her. "I can't help, and you can't help Anil until you start talking Van. Please, tell me what's wrong."

Her entreaty hung for a long time in the silence of the training room where so many memories, both good and bad dwelt. Van always came here when he was conflicted and emotionally unstable, Merle suspected that he thought of Balgus and his training, and probably asked himself what the old sword-master would do or think in his situation. Balgus had raised him, more or less, since the age of five. She often wondered if Van didn't see him has a father figure of sorts. She hoped that maybe, being here now would spur him to speak.

"… I…" Van closed his mouth and grimaced and then his shoulders slumped and his voice came out low, and soft, no longer the king but Van Slanzar De Fanel; her friend. "Four years…"

XX

Van felt about thirty years older than he was as he stood in the training hall knowing that he had ignored the signs and pushed Anil too far. She was right, about everything. He had been running from the truth and his own mistakes since the very beginning, and as a result, he had hurt his son. The son, he might never have known or met had the boy not been so recklessly brave.

Running a hand through his hair, Van let out an aggravated sigh.

Thought I'd outgrown these selfish tendencies of mine…

His own musings shamed him further. Hitomi had been the first to point out his bad habits with a slap to his face. Allen had shown him after that, and then once more with Chid and his sacrifice during the war. When he'd become King and sent Hitomi back to Earth with a smile, he'd assumed he had grown up a little. When he'd denied himself and stuck with his Kingdom despite his desires to chase after Hitomi, he believed he'd been making progress as a man, and then one small child shows up claiming to be his son, and Van runs away from him, because he can't face his own dark feelings.

"Van, did you hear me?" Merle inquired and Van realized that he had not been listening at all.

"Sorry, Merle, I missed that."

Those slim hands fell to full hips as the Cat-woman let out a large stressed out sigh. "Really…" Shaking her head sadly Van felt more chastised than ever. "… what does 'four years' mean? You never finished your statement." Merle continued calmly and Van felt his chest tighten.

Right…

Swallowing hard Van forced his mind to focus through the blur of memories; of secret kisses, gentle touches, hurried feelings and empty promises.

"We had promised." Van's voice croaked slightly and he coughed to clear it.

"… Okay…" Merle stretched the word out with her brows raising as though attempting to hurry him along. She lost her temper when he again remained silent for too long. "What did you promise?"

Her tail was beginning to fluff up and her teeth didn't separate with her words; indicators that her ire was about to make her snap.

"… Four years…"

"Yes! You already stated that, what does that mean?!"

Facing the open door where Anil had escaped from him, Van felt himself grow coldly numb, watching the hazy glow of the day inch its way into the darkened room. "In four years, if I still loved her, if I still wanted Hitomi by my side, I was supposed to call her. Go to her world and retrieve her."

He wasn't certain, but he thought Merle was left stunned. Her tail no longer showing her aggression and her mouth was hanging open.

"Then… why..?" She sounded like she was on the verge of crying and Van closed his eyes, hands fisted by his sides.

"I missed the deadline… things were just…. And then I… and I couldn't…" Van froze realizing for the first time just how much it all sounded like excuses. "By the time I realized I had forgotten, six years had passed, by then I… I was too afraid to know she'd moved on. She had said four years I was two years late." His words stilled and he looked down at his hands feeling so inadequate it nearly made him sick. "… I was too late and she probably moved on…"

Merle was quiet for several long moments, head bowed with ears and tail lowered in thought. Van couldn't stand the physical sight of her sympathy and turned from the somber visage. This was why he hadn't told anyone; he really didn't need their pity.

"Van…" Her voice was timid and it caused him to sigh, gathering up what little strength he had left to face her.

"Yes, Merle?"

"…look, I don't mean to downplay this," Merle began, her voice suspiciously light, "but, it seems silly to just give up like this."

Silly?

Van blinked, whipping back around to face the feline before him in utter shock. The unexpected reply had his mind reeling and it didn't help that the bleed over of Hitomi's emotions were still driving him half-man with guilt and hurt. "Wha—what?"

"Think about it, Lord Van," Merle stated slipping back into her habitual speech patterns, "Hitomi couldn't come to you because you have that pendant, right?"

His hand unconsciously grasped the dainty object in question giving more than enough answer to his friend.

"Right. So, that means she couldn't do anything but wait for you, and knowing Hitomi she probably felt much the same way you did, that if you didn't come for her then you no longer wanted her." She snorted derisively then, ears flattening back and tail puffing slightly. "Stupid girl! I swear she has no common sense sometimes—"

"Merle."

"—I mean, really, you are the King and all of course you'd have better options than her but if you chose her at all then that should say enough about it!"

"Merle!"

"Gah! It's enough to make me want to scratch her eyes out! After I graciously stepped aside and helped her by sending you after her when she decided to have a little breakdown—"

"Merle!"

"What?" She had the audacity to look confused at his outburst and for some reason it brought a faint smile to his face.

"… she didn't have to just wait. She could have contacted me, but she didn't… not once."

"Well of course she didn't."

"?" Van was starting to wonder how Merle's mind worked since it never seemed to go in the patterns he'd predicted. When had that happened? He used to be able to read her like a book.

"Van, Hitomi isn't from here. Maybe the Mystic Moon has some stupid ideas when it comes to babies. I mean Anil would have been what… three almost four-years-old? Perhaps she didn't bug you because of some strange cultural thing on the Mystic Moon."

He honestly hadn't thought of that, all the same he felt slighted by the fact that she hadn't said a word to him, not that she really could, but if she'd him enough emotions he would have at least gone to see her.

"… that's still in the past Merle, Anil is seven now. I doubt she's waited this long."

Merle had no immediate response to that statement.

"You asked what the problem was; here it is. I missed out, and Hitomi never contacted me, not even to inform me that I had a son." The bitterness was clear in his tone and his eyes narrowed at the far wall.

And I'm conspiring to force her back here regardless of how she feels.

"… but…"

Van made a slicing motion with his hand turning away from her to walked further into the room, he needed to train some more, to beat the anger out of his system, but he was stilled when delicate, furred hand gripped his wrist.

"Anil knows you!"

"I don't see the point—"

"No, Van, listen, Anil knows about you, to an extent that without having seen you before, he recognized you. He knows your name, he even has your last name and he knew how to get to you—though that does bring up the question on how he did that if Hitomi couldn't—"

"Merle…"

"Right! Anyway, my point is this; Hitomi raised him to know you as his father. If she truly had given up on you don't you think she would have found a man who could be a surrogate father for Anil? Or at the very least, not spoken of you?"

It was his turn to be lost for words. It was possible he had foolishly assumed the worst of her, but all the same this really changed nothing. He still could not in good conscious run off to the Mystic Moon on the word of his son when he felt nothing from the link he shared with the boy's mother aside from her fear and general anxiety and sadness that could be directly attributed to her son dissapearing. In fact, though he could sense small fluctuations of guilt and fear from her, nothing was strong enough to imply the urgency in which Anil was pushing. Just as he had decided before, he would have to wait until the others arrived so as to make a well informed decision.

"Don't give up on her so quickly."

"…"

"Regardless of all that, you need to get to know your son Lord Van." Merle was suddenly behind him and shoving him toward the exit with astounding ease. "This is a blessing you would have missed if he had not come here looking for you. You shouldn't waste it."

The warmth of the sunlight, and the brightness caused him to flinch as he was momentarily blinded, and in that split second a memory came to him, and he saw it clear as day; his brother and he out in the gardens. He couldn't recall the day, or what they had done out there in the gardens, but that was never really important to him; the fact that he was with his beloved older brother was what made it memorable. It was gone as soon as his eyes adjusted but the impact was clear to him.

Merle was right. He'd missed out on the last few days of his brother's life because he was being stubborn. He regretted and yearned for those precious few moments every day since his brother's death and he knew there was no real way to atone for that over-sight. He couldn't afford to do the same thing to his son. Not when he was doing all he could in order to keep Anil here.

Van stepped forward his legs propelling him quickly away without any real direction. He should be able to catch up to one small child, how hard could it possibly be?

"Ah! Better check the laundry room first, he seems to have an affinity to it!" Merle called after him sounding far too chipper, but he supposed she'd earned her momentary gloating and he ignored the tell-tale 'I-told-you-so' in her tone as he took off for the laundry room.

XX

Thirty minutes.

That was the limit to his patients and Van stopped on the upper level of his palace and closed his eyes. Apparently, small children could spontaneously disappear without anyone noticing. He had already checked the roofs, all the closets he had passed, and the larger servant wing which included the laundry room and kitchen to no avail. He had even asked Trent and Gaho if they had spotted the boy.

right. May as well do things your way, Hitomi.

A humorless smile tilted one side of his mouth as he pulled the pendant from around his neck, dangling it from one gloved hand and let his eyes fall shut, mind clearing completely. He'd not had to use Hitomi's dowsing technique since the uprising two years ago. A part of him had been reluctantly scared to use it after what Hitomi's naiveté had caused, but he figured since he was not asking to alter the future, so much as finding something in the present, he felt relatively safe. He just needed to be careful not to inadvertently make a wish. His Draconian blood would likely cause some irreparable damage in conjunction with the pendant from Atlantis.

For long minutes there was nothing but darkness. An emptiness where nothing existed and then he began to picture his son in his mind to the remembered instructions from a girl he had once known so well; the unruly dark hair so much like his own, the small build like his mother, a pointed nose that tipped up at its end, thick eyebrows, and those amazing land-dragon like eyes. The picture floated before him and he counted his heartbeats.

As though summoned a flickering image of a swinging pendant flashed over the image of Anil then faded. It continued in this pattern, flickering in an out in sync with his heartbeat, the jeweled end simply swaying and then the pendant moved.

"… beyond the garden… in the graveyard." Van whispered aloud, quickly replacing the delicate jewelry around his neck before tearing off in the direction he implicitly knew his son would be.

Of course I'd have to use his mother's method of seeing the unseen to track him down.

His long strides ate up the distance and before he knew it, he was passing through the deep foliage and the dappled trail that led to the resting place of Escaflowne as well as his family. The path was mostly hidden as Van preferred to fly there, and he had to slow down to duck and climb around some of the plant growth, but he was just grateful that he had to do such a thing. Wasn't so long ago that most of the area was burned up or choked out by the ash.

Turning the last bend, Van could see his kneeling gymelef partially covered in moss and vines. At one point that image would have sickened him, but now he was simply glad that he could see the passage of time so clearly displayed; an epitaph of peace. He cleared the last section of over-grown forest and was just starting to wonder where Anil was hiding when he caught sight of a tiny figure walking toward Escaflowne with an ignorant, innocent hand out stretched to touch.

A kaleidoscope of memories and emotions surged through him at that image. He could barely place a name or a conclusive memory to each but there was death, blood, regret, sickness, hate, sadness, loss, there were screams of the dead, screams of the murdered, and interspersed within the horror were images of love, jealousy, protectiveness, tenderness, passion; images of carnal moments hidden from view, of stolen kisses and heated embraces seen only by the moonlight creeping in through the windows. Visions of the battle fields, the smell of decay; the tang of spilt blood, clouded his mind correlating with everything else until it all converged on a single image of sad, green eyes, in a face too young to have seen such horrors, and he was suddenly screaming:

"Don't touch that!"

XX

A.N. I hope this chapter was worth your time and wasn't too confusing. I also hope that the first scene isn't too explicit for anyone. Like I said, I don't want to get this story taken down but when I wrote this initially it was NSFW/NC-17 and it is hard to erase the whole scene as I feel there is a lot of emotional development and sweet words spoken during their first time together despite the smut.

1) In Episode 19 "Operation Golden Rule of Love", Van says these words to Hitomi and she drops her pictus drink thing. Folken changes their fate and he adds that he wants her power and sends Hitomi running to Allen. This is him directly paralleling that saying that at that time he had meant this, not her power.

2) Basram is to the northwest of Freid and to the southeast of Zaibach on a map I found of Gaea. I believe it was actual Basram that had used the Energyst bomb in the final episodes.