The first thing I did with my new memories was nearly burst into tears.
I hold everything back, try not to think or feel. The memories, the torture... It was too much. I doubled over and threw up.
For a split second I regretted it. These new memories, this... Humanity... Gave me weakness that would hold me back from survival. Memories I used to not flinch at made me feel so much.
"Cashile?" Kakashi was holding me at arms length, studying me.
I took a moment to look up at him. "Ka...Kakashi..."
This was such a strange experience. Only moments ago I could remember not caring about him at all, not knowing him. I could remember not being Cashile Kuroki, not being me.
"Oh God Cashile, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry," Kakashi whispered fervently. "You saved us, you sacrificed yourself."
I hesitated. Sacrifice myself? What was he talking about? I ruffled through my memories before realizing. Ah, the last time he saw me... Oh, he thought I'd purposefully stabbed myself.
"Right..." I said slowly, "No offense, but I kind of wish I hadn't."
Kakashi let out a bark of laughter. "No offense taken," he reassured me. Then he sobered. "Cashile... Are you okay?"
I hesitated slightly. "Just peachy, Kakashi."
He didn't push it, just as I'd predicted. "So now what?" I asked, exhausted.
"We need as much information on the Rising Phoenix as possible. We need to continue this interrogation," Ibiki said, casting a dark gaze over me.
Anger issues much?
I felt my shoulders droop unconsciously. "Can't it... Can't it wait?" I whispered. "I'm so tired."
In all honestly, this was my own emotion bleeding through more than me trying to manipulate them. I was exhausted. I wanted to sleep. I wanted to feel safe.
And warm. I shivered, thinking of the torture, the pure cold. The days when I thought that I would never be warm again.
Before I stopped caring whether or not I was warm. Because all I was at that point was a body. A tool. Not a person, but a body meant to be used in order to achieve for someone else.
Now I wasn't sure I would ever feel safe again.
"No. Konoha is in danger, and we need to extract all the information possible," Ibiki snapped.
"And break me in the process?" I retorted.
"If that's what it takes," he growled coldly.
"What's your problem?" I snapped back, irritated.
"Okay, we've already gotten quite a bit of information," Kakashi stepped up, "Let's go over what we have and see how to respond to it and start up again in the morning."
"That sounds like a plan," Tsunade latched onto the idea, "I'll assign ANBU to protect you. You won't even notice they're there."
I almost laughed. Right, I won't notice them.
"Alright, I'll head to my apartment then," I agreed.
"Your apartment?" Kakashi asked.
"Yeah...?"
"It's not yours anymore, Cashile. You were... Well, I don't know what the legal ramifications are of bringing someone back from the dead."
"You had me declared dead?"
Kakashi nodded awkwardly. "You did... Bleed out in front of us. I searched for even the slightest bit of chakra, and... I didn't find it."
"Thanks for leaving me behind," I muttered, knowing that I was guilt tripping him. "But it's not your fault," I clarified, "They have a jutsu that puts you in a death like state. They call it Hōzuki no Jutsu."
"Still..." Kakashi mumbled, "Sorry."
"Well, it's a good thing I know who I left everything to," I smirked.
My smirk faltered, thinking about the two boys I'd left behind.
It had been almost three years.
Oh God.
Aisa would be nearly twelve now.
And Aiden. Geez, that idiot had probably killed himself from overworking by now. Maybe the strain had been taken off his shoulders when he received my apartment and my life savings.
Well, I'd be taking those back.
"Hey, get some rest," Kakashi said, "I'll get you safely to your apartment and then the ANBU will take over from there."
"Thanks," I offered my gratitude without arguing, surprising even myself. But I was too tired and overwhelmed to care what anyone else thought of me.
For almost three years I had been absolutely nothing but a tool.
And now I was finally back home. Then again, what was home?
An image of the two boys filled my mind, but I suppressed it almost immediately. I could not allow this to weaken me, to let me slip through the hard work I've persevered through, even though it threw me into a mist of nothingness for three years.
I walked alongside Kakashi silently, taking in everything I could remember about the village, remembering each intricate observation and careful manipulation I held here.
Looking back on it, I was such a prick.
I was a brat, who thought I knew true pain when Ibiki tortured me, turned my own mind against me.
I almost laughed out loud. I had known nothing. Ibiki had gone so easy on me, as far as I could remember. I was such a naive little idiot to think-
Tension increased in the air around me within a time frame of .02 seconds.
One moment I was remembering grudges of the past, and the next moment I disappeared into the thin air, leaving my guest in anticipation.
"New Claw already, huh?" I appeared behind it and applied pressure to make the Claw of the Rising Phoenix a temporary quadriplegic. I then placed a kunai at it's throat without any means of hesitation. The mask covered the face hiding behind it, but that didn't matter.
What mattered was my survival. "Got news pal," I hissed in it's ear, "I was the best they had, and now they're sending suicide Claws after me. You followed a hopeless mission."
Then I slit it's throat.
I reappeared in front of Kakashi, who had been frantically looking everywhere for me within the 7 seconds I had disappeared from his sight.
With me, the dead Claw hung limply over my shoulder. "They've already sent someone after me," I mused, "They must really miss me."
Kakashi's shoulders tensed up as he identified the situation immediately.
He glanced over me, "You alright?"
"Fit as a fiddle," I replied.
"You killed him," Kakashi said.
"And the sky is blue," I responded sarcastically.
"You didn't even hesitate. I mean, it just..." Kakashi trailed off, seeming to be at a loss for words, unable to say what he was feeling. "You didn't even know him-"
"It," I interrupted.
"What?"
"This," I nudged the Claw slightly, "Is not a him. It's not a person. It's not a human being. It's just that: an it. And trust me when I say this Kakashi: it's been dead for a long time."
"We could've gathered information from him," Kakashi replied.
I raised an eyebrow, Kakashi's continued use of the more human "him" not escaping me. "You wouldn't have gotten anything from it," I replied.
"We got information from you," Kakashi argued.
"I was... Damaged," I replied distastefully. Kakashi goes to argue but I cut him off. "Seriously Kakashi. It's no use. These Claws have died a long time ago in mind, spirit and body."
Kakashi stared, before finally saying, "Well, now we have to drop the body off for examination," he said, "We can't exactly go wandering through the village with it."
Just as he was saying that an ANBU appeared in front of me. "We will take the body," the ANBU intoned.
I stared quizzically at the ANBU before deciding that they were the real deal.
"Let him take it," Kakashi encouraged. I handed the body over to the ANBU. He was gone in an instant, and we continued on with our lives.
"How long do you estimate before they send another?" Kakashi asked.
"A few hours maybe. It only takes the Claw a few hours max to get the job done, or else they aren't skilled or qualified enough to be The Claw."
"How long did it take them to name you Claw?" He continued questioning.
"About a year," I replied, remembering the months of excruciating pain before I became the Claw. The mind numbing, almost brain damaging training and torture.
And like an idiot I fought them. I fought their torture. I thought I could do it, I thought Ibiki had done his worst on me. I thought I was strong.
Till they broke me.
Buried in my thoughts, It took Kakashi's voice to wake me. "We're here, Cashile."
I looked up at him. "Have you informed them that I'm here? That I'm... Alive?" I asked.
He hesitated. Of course he didn't.
"Want me to come up there with you?" He offered.
"Just go home, I'll take care of things here," I waved him off, turning on my heel without glancing back.
I felt his eyes on me, watching me until I was safely inside the apartment complex.
I hesitated when I reached the door. Why was I hesitating? This was my house!
I cursed under my breath when I realized that I didn't have the keys.
Tentatively, I knocked. I heard the scrape of a chair being pushed back and the sound of pattering feet. There's a pause as the person behind the door looked through the peep hole before opening the door.
"Cashiiiiiiillle!"
The almost twelve year old boy hit me hard, causing me to take a stumbling step back. I blink back the tears that had inexplicably leapt to my eyes. "Guess some things never do change, do they?" I joke, ignoring the slight catch in my voice.
"You're back!" Aisa exclaimed. I raise an eyebrow. This was a surprisingly easygoing reaction to someone who's supposed to be dead appearing at the doorstep.
"Yup," I nod quietly, arms dangling at my side as he continues to squeeze the life out of me. "I'm back."
He leans back to look up at my face. "Aiden said you were going away for a long time and he wasn't sure when you were coming back and now finally you're back! It's been three years and look I'm almost as tall as you, I mean you're still like a head taller than me but still! But Aiden is still waaaay taller than me and-"
So Aiden hadn't told him. That explains a lot, and makes his life a lot easier.
"You still ramble when you get excited, huh?" I laugh, affectionately running my hand through his hair unintentionally.
He crushes me in a hug once more, tears leaking out of his eyes this time. "When Aiden said you weren't coming back for a while I-I got so scared. He said the same thing about mommy and she still hasn't come back yet."
He started hiccuping. How could one kid be so naive? But I suspected he knew, deep down inside, what had happened and knew his mother wasn't coming back.
"Hey," I said, grabbing his chin. "What did I say about tears, eh?"
He had grown so big since the last time I'd seen him. That would be...
Hah, that would be since I spent lunch with him at the academy before I left for the mission.
Did I look different to him?
Suddenly I could feel the huge scar on my face like I had received it yesterday. Self consciousness nagged at me. I wanted to cover it up, I didn't want them to see it, to question or... Worry.
Aisa seemed to know what I was thinking. He had that gift with people. He got on his tippy toes and touches my scar and then he opened his mouth. I feared he would ask me something about the scar, but then...
"Will mommy have scars like that when she comes back too?" He asked, purely inquisitive.
There was no worry or negative astonishment.
I burst out laughing.
"Don't worry about it kid," I reassure him, "Your mom is in no pain."
"Aisa? Who's at the door?"
I freeze when I hear his voice. "No more night shifts then?" I ask Aisa.
"Nope!" He grinned happily.
I heard the footsteps approaching. Oh God. Why was I nervous? This was my house. They declared me dead when I was really alive. None of this was my fault!
And yet my heart continued to pound.
I don't know what I was expecting when Aiden saw me. Disbelief, sure. Sadness, maybe. Happiness, hopefully.
Anger? Never.
Yet that's what I saw when he locked eyes with me. A split second of shock, then pure unadulterated anger.
He grabbed Aisa's arm and snatched him away from me, ignoring his whine of complaint and nearly shaking with rage. "How dare you," he whispers quietly. I froze. The quieter Aiden got the more dangerous he was. "Is this supposed to be some kind of joke? Is this supposed to be funny?" His voice wobbled slightly.
"Aiden," Aisa whined plaintively, "Why are you mad at Cashile when she just got back?"
"Cashile is dead," Aiden shook his head defiantly, "Cashile Kuroki is dead."
"Aiden-" I started, only to be cut off,
"No," he shakes his head again, "What is it, a transformation? A genjutsu?"
"Ai-"
"Shut up!"
He aimed a punch at my face. Too shocked, I refused to move. His fist crashed down hard into my jaw and I slammed into the ground. My eyes were wide.
"Bastard," Aiden yelled.
He's gotten stronger.
"You think you can play some sort of stupid joke like this and get away with it?" His voice was strained and pain was woven in his tired eyes.
He looked well. Taller, more muscular. Years of hard labor had cut away all excess fat and strengthened his body.
I touched the side of my tender jaw. "It's gonna take more than a punch to bring me down," I made eye contact with him and smirked a bit, recovering from my shock and hiding the small stab of pain that came with having his hatred aimed towards me. "Care to try again?"
The angry look on his face faltered. Now I was witnessing what should have been the initial reaction. Overwhelming confusion, denial mixed with droplets from the streams of hope.
Tears cascaded down his face and I couldn't help but observe how he pushed Aisa back so far behind him. He shook his head again, mute. I broke the silence.
"Oh come on, I can't look that different, right?"
Aiden choked back some noise in his throat. "Who are you? He whispered.
"Nii-chan?" Aisa questioned, his brown eyes almost as wide as grapefruits.
"Go inside, Aisa," Aiden finally whispered. I couldn't help but notice how he kept his body between Aisa and me, a human shield.
"Nii-"
"Inside," Aiden ordered sharply. Aisa's shoulders dropped and he sullenly turned around, heading back inside. "Shut the door behind you."
To his credit Aisa followed his brothers orders, but not before waving at me and grinning. A smile tugged at my lips in response. It was just so painless here. I rub my jaw slightly. Comparatively.
"Cashile?"
"That's my name, don't wear it out," I quip, but if you listened closely you could detect the slight waver in my voice.
He drew closer. "You're taller," he mumbled.
"As are you..." I trail off. I come back from the dead and he comments on the fact that I'm taller?
"Your hair is..."
I touch my short and choppy hair self consciously. Good haircuts were never exactly a priority at the Rising Phoenix. I cringe slightly as I remember when they'd grabbed my two long pony tails and sliced them off.
I thought about all this but only conceded, "It could do with a trim."
He reached a hand forward and cupped my cheek, thumb tracing the scar that puckered the skin there. The silence stretched between us.
"Am I going crazy?" He finally whispered.
"I don't know," I shrug, "But I'm real."
He pulls me in for a crushing hug.
"If I'm going crazy I'd like to stay there."
Okay who's fangirling?
I KNOW SOMEONE OUT THERE IS FANGIRLING.
So how'd you like this update? ANBU are watching her (again), you got to see her in action, she's met up with Aisa and Aiden (neither if whom, as I'm sure many of you noticed, she didn't hug. Sorry for the dissapointment)... We're kinda on a roll here, aren't we?
We're going to do our best to update regularly! We've been doing a pretty swell job so far I think!
Hint into the next chapter: you get to learn a little but more about some of her past... Look forward to it!
Okay okay! Hope you enjoyed! Comment!
gaara119
Well G-man (wink wink) got everything down and I'm with my boyfriend who's holding me hostage so no long authors note from me!
Vote , fan , COMMENT
thank you 3
Comment, Vote and Fan!
Ja ne!
Insomniac_Lullabies
