AN: I will admit that this chapter's storyline may seem a bit rushed and I'm really sorry about that, but I really want to get onto the main plotline. I got plot-juice and it needs to be written yesterday. Hope y'all enjoy Chapter one! Omake at the end.
"Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."
― Rob Siltanen
"Change will not come if we wait for some other person, or if we wait for some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek."
― Barack Obama
At the ripe age of midgethood* -four and a half-, Kiyomi was ready to rip her hair out, stomp her feet and scream in frustration.
She wasn't allowed to go anywhere.
How was she supposed to fix shit if she couldn't even get outside her (overly huge) yard? Kiyomi wasn't even allowed to do anything either. She wasn't allowed to garden, fence, learn any form of defence, play with other midgets –let's face it, at the moment she's tiny— in the market, run, get dirty, dress in remotely comfortable and NOT stuffy clothes or Sage forbid step within ten feet of the kitchen –"that is a servant place hime"— so no cooking. Kiyomi wants treacle tarts and cake for goodness sake! Oh how she misses the wonder that is junk food!
She was expected to do craft, play some dumb instrument, make tea and just sit there looking pretty. Kiyomi understands, yes, that drawing, writing, embroidery and music are all well and good and a quality cup of tea is always nice, but the real issue is that that is all she is allowed to do. Her leg muscles are going to waste away by the time she's ten because all she gets to do is sit on her knees and never use them.
Kiyomi wants to see the world and make it better. How can she do that if she can't get to know her people and how they live personally? She wants to make it better, yes, but she wants to be there, right in the middle, watching it grow around her when it happens. She wants to see her people's faces as their prospects get better and their country becomes a better place to live. She wants to make friends damn it! And not with her obnoxious tutors that she doesn't even really need or her army of maids or even her detached nanny that raised her instead of her parents who had better things to do.
Kiyomi doesn't want to be like some fairy tale princess trapped in her castle. Kiyomi wants the adventure that her past-self had in droves. There is a whole new world to see and Kiyomi wants to see it. She doesn't want to be confined her entire life. She wants to explore, learn, create and conquer the world around her, because she will not be just some pretty face. She will be remembered as someone who made something more of the world.
So if Kiyomi used magic to make things more bearable while stuck in the stupid stuffy castle that is her new home and a few obnoxious tutors and cousins just happened to get hairdos in all the colours of the rainbow, well, can you blame her? She's just an innocent little princess. What could she possibly do?
At that very moment though? Kiyomi was being smothered yet again by her mother Shijimi, after being dressed up like a doll because she's "Just sooo CUTE!"
"Oh Kiyomi! You're SO precious! Absolutely adorable! You definitely got your looks from Haha-ue! Cousin Yoriko would be so jealous if she met you because her little girl looked like a kappa! A real ugly one that girl! Blah blah blah blah…"
Kiyomi couldn't help but drown her out after the first few sentences every time her mother opened her mouth. It was for her sanity! She swears it! That woman could go on and on for hours at a time about the most insignificant things. She was like a larger, less kind, less accepting, more difficult and a thousand times more smothering Mrs Weasley. Okay, so she is nothing like Mrs Weasley, but that's kind of the point.
"…and your Otou-sama said you could pick which one will be your personal guard! How Exciting! Blah blah…"
Looks as though she missed something that was actually important…
Oh well!
Dressed up in yet another obnoxious silk kimono with way too many layers and her hair up in some fancy-shmancy braided hoops –she swears up and down that Malfoy is laughing at her from somewhere—, Kiyomi was ready to go to bed for the day, even at ten in the morning. Having an army of maids hold you down to force you into less than desirable clothing, with your mother squealing like some rabid fangirl in the background and at the same time trying to ignore Death's commentating like your life is some stupid TV show is quite frankly exhausting.
Sitting seiza on a small stage with her parents in a lavishly decorated meeting hall with far too many gold vases – but seriously why are there so many? — Kiyomi watched as twelve men lined up in front of her father and knelt as the old man went on and on about something or other –did she mention she's not listening? Because she's not— Honour this, Protection that.
Kiyomi was just getting into a really good daydream about getting revenge on her uptight tutors Marauder style, before giving them the slip and booking it while dressed in track-pants, when she was rudely disturbed from it by her honourable father.
"Kiyomi-hime," he said, "Today I will be allowing you to choose you own personal guard from my new team The Twelve Guardian Ninja, so choose wisely musume."
Translation: I know that if I don't let you at least pick your guard yourself, the one I choose for you will wind up with hot pink hair, buck-teeth and a donkey tail, so please choose a good one because I actually do want you to stay alive child of mine.
Kiyomi sent her father a small, but genuinely grateful smile, before turning to look at the gathered guards with thoughtful emerald eyes. As she dragged her gaze slowly along the line, a certain man (who looked to be on the younger side of the group) with olive skin, and dark hair and eyes to match, stuck his tongue out at her while nobody else was watching.
Kiyomi was quite frankly gobsmacked but didn't let it get to her for more than a second, before her shock turned to a giddy kind of joy that comes when you come up with a truly wicked idea and her face split into a bright, rosy-cheeked grin.
Kiyomi got to her feet as gracefully as she could –those vultures that teach her court etiquette could somehow pop up like a niffler that smelt gold whenever she stumbled— and made her way off the stage to stand before the kneeling man, still smiling.
"What's your Name?" she asked.
The man looked a bit surprised to see the tiny princess grinning up at him like a loon –he'd get used to it eventually— and asking his name.
"Asuma," he finally said, "Sarutobi Asuma, Hime-sama."
Kiyomi's grin got wider and Death cackled in the background.
"Well Asuma-san, I've decided that you are going to be my personal guard and new best friend," she explained as though it were obvious. The tiny princess then proceeded to take a firm hold –as firm as a four years old girl can get— of his sleeve and began dragging him up and out of the hall.
"We're going to go play Otou-sama, so you can continue your little meeting without us. Have fun!" she called back as she left with a bemused Asuma in tow –not that he let that show on his face, she could just tell— making sure to shut the door behind her to have the last word.
Once they were a little further away from the room they'd just vacated, Kiyomi looked up at Asuma with a cheeky smile. "We are going to have lots of fun together Asuma-san! Just you wait! I have so many plans!"
And that was the beginning of it all really. The Next Great Adventure.
A good many weeks later and Kiyomi had yet to regret her choice.
Asuma was perfect and nobody could convince her otherwise.
He went along with her whims, listened to her ideas, read her plans and blueprints, asked her questions and he was far more useful than her old guards. He figured her magic was a new kekkei genkai (she decided to call it Mahou like the Japanese Wizards of her past life) and her runes were her own form of fuinjutsu. He agreed with her that she really should know at least some self-defence and that being locked up forever would suck.
He really came to be a good friend, even if he took to calling her Chibi-hime once he was more comfortable with her brand of crazy, because if you can't beat them, join them.
"Asuma! Asuma! I just had an awesome idea!" Kiyomi cheered as she glomped his upper thighs –because he's too tall damn it— with a huge smile that he knew to associate with either mischief or that in the next three minutes, tutors with brightly coloured hair, antlers and glitter covering their clothes would come chase them down the halls to discipline the rouge princess and her laid back guard that is "supposed to be watching the hellion".
Asuma chuckled as he pat the head of the little princess who broke all of his expectations about his new occupation. He was expecting a lot of standing still and court days. What he got was a precocious princess with a lot of truly brilliant ideas about how to make anything and everything a "hundred times awesomer" –her words— for the citizens of the Land of Fire.
"What is it going to be this time Chibi-hime? Are you going to turn your Haha-ue's favourite new tea set into animals or are you going to make one of the professor's scrolls come to life and run away from him?"
Kiyomi released his thighs and took a step back to look up at him, showcasing her brilliant emerald eyes –from her grandmother— and a smile that would have anyone who didn't know her melt like goo and all her tutors running for cover.
"Neither! But those are some really good ideas! Thanks, Asuma!" she babbled, before continuing on, "I just thought that we should go travel together! That way I can see everything I need to see and learn everything I need to know, and we can go on an adventure! We could sightsee, and you can train while I make things out of my Mahou and seals! It would be way safer than going with a larger group of people and a bunch of carriages like Haha-ue does too, because we could just look like normal people in what Haha-ue and Grumpy-sensei like to call peasant clothes! Why would anyone bother attacking people with nothing to steal? I could convince Otou-sama! You know I could!"
Asuma, already accustomed to the four-and-a-half-year-old's habits of speed-talking –CoughGaiCough—, processed what she'd said at the same rate she spoke and was sceptical. He knew better than to tell her it was impossible (with her it never was), and that her father would bend over backwards for his little genius, but Asuma knew for a fact that her mother would never let her precious dolly musume go –ever— without a fightand would make this entire situation a thousand times more difficult than it needed to be for the raven-haired half-pint he watches over.
"I'm sure you could Chibi-hime and it does sound like fun," he paused before continuing, "but are you sure your Haha-ue would let you go? And how would we carry all the supplies? Because sealing scrolls can only do so much and the type, we'd need are way too big. I need to be able to protect you Hime and for that I'd need full movement. That is my job after all."
Kiyomi's face scrunched in disgust at the mention of her mother's opinion –she knew it was mean, but that woman was insane. Completely. Insane— and Death laughed before sharing his (unwanted) opinion. "You know that I can tell you anything and everything you'd ever need to know about the world, if you'd just ask Mistress."
'Well'Mistress' didn't ask for your opinion, so you can go stuff a pixie up your literal bony ass.' Kiyomi thought in return.
"Haha-ue is away for her annual visit to Konoha at the moment with sweet Tora and will be away for three more weeks, so it doesn't matter. Though I do feel sorry for the current Genin teams. Once I get Otou-sama's approval we'll be fine to go and I've got the perfect solution for carrying luggage," the little princess responded to the Sarutobi aloud.
It certainly explained why the castle was so quiet. There was always some kind of racket with Madam Shijimi around.
Kiyomi then set about pulling a shiny red backpack with gold lining the size of her torso out of absolutely nowhere and presented it to the baffled Sarutobi –because sealing scrolls do not work like that, how? — as though it held all the answers to the universe, with expectant eyes as though he'd miraculously understand.
"A tiny backpack?" Asuma asked, somewhat incredulous.
"Indeed, young padawan—" "—young what now? –" "—this tiny backpack as you so astutely described it Asuma, is the solution to any and all luggage problems ever, because it can carry anything you could possibly need," the small girl explained seriously.
Kiyomi looked up at him expectantly and Asuma took a deep breath sighing before taking his cue. "So, what exactly does it do and how does it work your royal haughtiness?"
Kiyomi threw him a Cheshire worthy grin. This is why Asuma is her minio— err... best friend. He knows exactly what she wants him to say and do.
The precocious princess then undid the bag, opened it wide and dove right in.
Asuma really couldn't help it. His eyes widened like saucers and his jaw dropped open like a drawbridge with a broken chain. "Hime!?" he yelped startled. After five seconds of absolute silence –it's never silent with Chibi around— he began to panic.
What was the protocol for losing your tiny charge in a tiny red backpack when there was no way possible, they could physically fit in aforementioned tiny backpack?
He quickly crouched in front of the tiny backpack –death-trap— and pulled the sides apart and peered inside only to come face to face with his tiny charge looking up at him from the base of a ladder –how the hell? — sporting a feral grin and cackling like the little witch she is.
Asuma spent two seconds being relieved, then ten seconds completely fascinated –because how!?— and then settled for being completely unimpressed with the Sage damned little midget he had come to care for under his watch.
"Really?" he asked deadpan, "Really?"
"Yes," the little brat had the gall to answer with a serious nod. "Now do you get how we'll carry all our stuff?"
"…yeah…" Asuma muttered shaking his head exasperated, "Yeah I think I do."
"The next few days are made up of boring negotiations, puppy eyes and pathetically weak-willed Daimyos that can't say no to evil children, so this preview and time-skip is brought to you by Death.
"My Mistress (still funny) and her new guard dog leave within a week for a two-month long trip with the excuse of going to the festival in Tanzaku-gai. They will indeed be going to the festival, but what our heroes are really going to be doing is visiting all different types of towns and communities around the Land of Fire for Little Lady Brat to explore and learn about how absolutely everything works. The habits of a travelling scholar stick around no matter the lifetime.
"My miniature Mistress will also be receiving a summoning contract from me so that she can call upon any creatures under my domain. The fates can suck a fat one and The Chosen One can't escape Main Protagonist brand luck and the insanity that comes with it, no matter the dimension.
"See you later muchachos."
Omake:
She had to get away. The horrid beasts were coming and there was nowhere to hide.
Armed only with a rubber teething ring covered in her own drool –her gums hurt like a bitch— and the fresh nappy on her butt, the six months old princess was on a self-assigned escape mission from her evil harpy-like captors and her only advantage was their general ditziness and stupidity.
There was no way in hell they were going to force her into that frilly, pink, bow covered, bejewelled abomination that looked like a lace obsessed granny's wardrobe threw up and that vomit made love with a barbie doll and they had a baby. The baby being whatever that THING that those horrid harpies want to force her into, because Kiyomi refuses to believe that that hideous mass of fabric could ever actually be clothes, for the sake of her conscience and sane women everywhere.
Hermione and Ginny would be personally offended by that ghastly thing. It was worse than Ron's dress robes for the Yule Ball! Kiyomi didn't think that was possible. NOBODY thought that was possible. EVEN DEATH! Not until those evil wenches pulled the THING out of a box like it was some kind of deformed prize and said they would actually put it on her.
Kiyomi heard footsteps behind her and she desperately crawled FASTER as her heart pounded in a fast tempo to match her distress.
ABORT!
ABORT!
ABORT!
ABORT!
WEE-WOO! WEE-WOO! WEE-WOO! WEE-WOO!
"Kiyomi-hime my little precious! There you are! Kaa-chan's been looking for you! Now Kaa-chan, Oba-chan and Kaa-chan's friends can dress you up nice and pretty! Isn't that nice!?" the horrid old bird practically sang as she scooped up the terrified tot and Kiyomi responded in a way that was perfectly reasonable given the situation. She began screaming hysterically as tears poured from her eyes blubbering for someone, anyone to save her from her horrid fate and soiled her once fresh nappy, because baby bowels do NOT respond well with pure, unadulterated terror.
Even Death couldn't bring himself? herself? itself to watch.
In the end, she was in fact forced into the abomination and the group of harpies had pictures taken of her dressed in it.
As soon as the young Master of Death was able, she burned every single copy and relished in her mother's tears when she burst into her bedchamber to inform her of the tragic loss of her adorable baby photos.
Serves her right.
AN: That's All Folks!
* midgethood literally just midget hood like adulthood but small children
