03 Chapter 2: Death… What the Fresh Fuck!?
Dear Life, when I said "can this day get any worse" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
-Anonymous
Listen, Smile, Agree… then do whatever you were gonna go anyway.
-Anonymous
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I've finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
-Dave Barry
They'd been on the road for all of two days and Kiyomi couldn't remember ever wearing more comfortable clothing in her entire (new) life. Dressed in a scarlet cotton shirt with the character for fire stitched in gold thread over her heart, a pair of tiny black toddler pants –not tights. They have no pockets. What were you even thinking to suggest such a thing Asuma? – and a pair of miniscule leather shoes on her equally miniscule feet, she was a (literal) happy camper.
The small princess was also endlessly grateful for shinobi speed, because little legs don't get you very far on their own and tire easily. Especially since she was made sit down for the majority of her rather short life thus far (something to be rectified) and they could make up time with Asuma carrying her around in her magically expanded backpack. Kiyomi loved the thrill of the high speeds that reminded her so much of riding a broom in her old life –she would learn even if it killed her—.
Kiyomi spent a good amount of her time on the road taking in all the flora and rattling off all of their qualities, what they could be used for, whether they were edible and whether or not they could be used as either medicine or poison. She also privately wondered of their uses in potions. A lot of the plants in this world were the same as her past world, but a lot were different too and her inner researcher that used to spend weeks at a time experimenting with Hermione was itching to get some new specimens into a potion's lab. She'd charmed a seemingly endless supply of jars to safely hold any type of possible ingredient imaginable and there was no way she would miss the chance to try recreating potions from her past-life with what she has now and experimenting because 'fucking lord those roots as a paste would work wonders as a stabilising compound' and 'the acidity of these flower's petals are 3% higher than in armadillo bile'. The world is so gosh darn interesting to her.
She also spent a good few hours a day pointing out pretty clouds.
Asuma, for the most part, just listened to his midget's babbled fun-facts and requests –we couldn't possibly NOT take at least a sample of these specimens Asuma! That would be blasphemy! —, every once and a while interjecting anything she might have missed, all the while playing the part of a pack horse whenever she got tired –let's see you walk long distances on tiny legs after having spent most your life sitting on your knees! – with the top part of her body sticking out the flap of the (still fascinating) red and gold backpack, peering over his shoulders to see where they were going as the shinobi took to the trees.
Has Kiyomi ever mentioned how perfect Asuma is? Because he is.
Currently our main protagonists were setting up camp for the night in a small clearing a short way –two miles Asuma you paranoid weirdo! — from the road they were traversing, with an unnecessary number of traps and an unholy amount of Kiyomi's special made seals.
'What exactly do they do?' the Sarutobi once asked.
'Hopefully you'll never find out.' The mini Mistress of Death had replied.
He didn't ask again for the sake of his waning sanity.
"Mistress," came the voice of Death calling for the tiny witch's attention.
Kiyomi heaved a sigh, flopping like a beached whale beside her newly mounted tent before bothering to reply. 'Yes?' she acknowledged through their mental link (she didn't want to sound like a loon speaking aloud).
"There is something I have been meaning to discuss with you as of late," the age-old living skeleton informed lightly and somewhat amused, as though it knew something she didn't (it did).
Kiyomi sighed yet again. 'This is going to be one of those things you should have told me about ages ago but didn't for shits and giggles isn't it?' she asked unsure if she should be annoyed or amused that a being as old as fucking dirt entertained itself by making fun of her to her face. 'Don't you ever have anything better to do than making fun of my life?' Like work maybe? I know for a fact that there are of lot of dead people for you to lord over.'
"Pretty much," it responded shameless, "and no I do not have anything better to do. That's what interns are for. They do grunt work and while they do that, I get the big fancy title and a metric shit tonne of free time."
'Have I ever told you that you are a terrible, terrible being and evil genius?' the girl asked, 'Because that's totally what I would do. Why do work when you can just not?'
"Back to the point Mistress," Mr Big Fancy Title said, completely unsurprised, "I have been meaning to tell you about your duties as my Mistress and all else that comes with the title."
Kiyomi gaped at the being horrified. 'WAIT! HANG ON JUST A SECOND! YOU MEAN THAT AS YOUR MISTRESS I GET STUPID DUTIES WHILE YOU GET TO MAKE FUN OF ME AND FREE TIME!? HOW THE SHIT DOES THAT WORK!?'
"Well maybe if you were quiet and listened you would know," Death sassed –since when did Death do THAT!?— her, "Traditionally you would have to do a large amount of paper-work in your position, however I once again remind you: Interns. So, you don't have to worry about any of that. All you need to be concerned about is the other stuff. Like your increased magical abilities, the absolute power you hold over mortal beings and necromancy, you know, normal stuff."
'HOW THE HELL IS ANY OF THAT NORMAL!?' the slightly hysterical child yelled through the link, 'And what the hell do you mean by increased magical abilities? I haven't noticed any differences, though it is a lot easier getting things done wandless.'
This time it was Death's turn to sigh. "Of course that's what got your attention. For one so darn smart, you're incredibly stupid Mistress." 'Hey!' "Though it explains why you never stood a chance as a Ravenclaw—" 'HEY!' "—you do realise that NO child your age should ever be able to pull off the spells that you can, let alone wandless. It isn't physically possible because of their immature cores. Magical cores aren't developed enough to start actual practice until age eleven when it finally stabilises and starts properly maturing, but you already knew that Mistress. Your new body should be no different, as your magic is still in its earliest stages, but upon becoming my master your magic changed.
"Your magic isn't as held back by limitations as its counterpart. You don't adhere to the same rules as the witches and wizards of your past. You don't need the channelling of a focus or a spell. All you need Mistress, is the will to make it happen and you could raze the earth and twist the skies; you could make nature move to your whim and force any to follow your lead… and all you would need to do all of that is a thought.
"But you won't. And it is for that reason that I chose you as my Mistress. The best people to give power to are the ones who don't want it, after all and you and I both know that you have always been a defender, not a fighter Mistress. You and that stupid hero complex of yours, Miss Saving-People-Thing."
Kiyomi was rendered speechless for a good few minutes (impressive, I know). That was not what she had in mind when Death said, "Increased magical abilities" and to be fair, Death isn't wrong. The first thing that came to mind when it mentioned less limitations on her magic was the possibility of conjuring treacle tarts.
She really wasn't a fighter or a conqueror.
Kiyomi just has shitty luck and yeah, maybe she did have a saving people thing, but was that so wrong? All she wanted was to protect and make sure everyone could be living the good life, because doesn't everyone deserve at least that much? Everyone deserves at the very least, a shot at happiness and who was she to deny that? If she could give that to others, then why wouldn't she? It's just common decency. Nothing complicated.
So, when she finally found her voice back, she didn't even really need to register what she first said.
'I don't want that kind of power,' she said firmly over their link, 'All I want is to make people happy. I don't want or need anything else… and the thought alone of that type of destructive force in one body if frankly, terrifying. Let alone the fact it's in me. I can't help but imagine someone like Snake-face getting their filthy fingers on that and it makes me feel sick.'
"You really were the perfect choice Mistress," Death said pleased. "I'll explain everything to you in your dreams, so for now, rest and enjoy yourself."
And that's exactly what the young princess did.
She had a ball playing a bunch of different boardgames with Asuma and listening enraptured to his adventures from his days as a Konoha shinobi, she expertly cooked dinner over their toasty campfire –you cooked yesterday, and it absolutely sucked— with the assistance of magic and when all was done and she was tucked up in bed, Death visited her in her dreams and taught her.
Death told her of control and will; Death told her of necromancy and its forms; Death told her of her new metamorphic abilities and how it worked; Death told her of her new Animagus form –your soul's manifestation is no longer a Stag— and all it's intricacies; Death told her of summons that were created for her use alone; Death told her of Chakra and how to use it… and all the while she whirled through a storm of different emotions, from elation to a deep reaching sorrow; from absolute rage, to fear, to excitement and when she woke the next morning her eyes were just that much older and no matter how much she resented Death in those moments, she was grateful all the same.
"Whoooooooaaaaah!" Kiyomi exclaimed as she looked around the bustling streets of Tanzaku-Gai. "It's huuuuuuuuuuuuge!" she cheered looking to be barely restraining from running off to look at absolutely everything. And she was. She wanted to see everything this colourful festival had to offer. There were lanterns, streamers and banners strung up everywhere and every street was lined to the brim with stalls of every kind.
Kiyomi wanted to see all the sights, play all the games and try every food. They made it to the town ahead of schedule, so the pair of travellers –adventurers Asuma— had plenty of time to look around the town.
As soon as Asuma checked them into a room at an inn for a few days and they trapped and sealed it to the high hells, Kiyomi made Asuma help her change into a simple green yukata with a silver obi (she was going by a theme with the clothing here), before she charmed her hair up into a braided bun, threw on a pair of sandals and demanded they go play.
Asuma smiled fondly down at his tiny charge as she vibrated in excitement, her eyes alight with a child-like wonder that he didn't get to see very often from the small genius as she looked every which way. In his mind the entire trip would have been worth it for just this moment alone. Asuma was incredibly fond of the Chibi-hime entrusted in his care and it made him feel light to see her in such high spirits over something as simple as a festival.
He would make sure to take her every year if she loved it so much.
Kiyomi felt a sudden need to express just how perfect Asuma was as a best friend, minion and big brother figure for no explainable reason and gave him a huge hug before dragging him to the first stall.
This was her first ever festival with her best friend in the whole world and she was going to make sure they both enjoyed it to the fullest.
Her as a normal little girl for once with no pressure on her shoulders as the princess of a country and Asuma as any other off duty average joe. Death even agreed to leave the day without commentary.
It was going to be brilliant.
It was brilliant.
They played every game and won a ton of different prizes. They bought a bunch of souvenirs, from masks, to cheap beaded bracelets that would make Madam Shijimi cry, to dried foods of every kind.
They learned new things about each other and themselves, like how Kiyomi absolutely adored cheap festival junk-food, was scarily good at goldfish scooping (she gave them to another kid) and would win every time in any luck-based games –I have to make up for my crappy luck somewhere Asuma— and how Asuma could guzzle his weight in yakitori, but wouldn't touch mitarashi dango with a ten foot pole unless it was to throw it as far away from himself as possible "bad experiences," he had explained. Kiyomi just nodded like she understood.
She didn't.
Asuma was also absolutely abysmal at raffles but would win her whatever she wanted in games like ball toss.
After all of that, they watched the different performances and the long firework show.
At the end of the night Asuma carried an asleep princess back to the inn as various women on the way cooed about how cute they were.
Because no matter the circumstances, Mistress of Death or otherwise, four-year-old's need their sleep.
Extra:
"…hey Asuma…" A half asleep Kiyomi murmured into his chest as he carried her back towards their inn.
"Yes Chibi-hime?" he asked quietly.
"…I love you Nii-chan…" the little girl voiced quietly with a soft smile before letting herself be consumed by the sweet embrace of Hypnos.
The Sarutobi couldn't keep the stupidly fond grin off his face the rest of the way back to their room.
"Yeah," he agreed under his breath as he tucked in the peaceful child.
He went to bed that night with a smile.
The fates cackled.
AN: New chapter done!
My uncle had to fix my laptop and I had to rewrite the first half of the chapter so it's not as long as I'd prefer, but it's something to keep it going. I have so many ideas for this fic that I want to get down so I'll be updating often and hopefully the chapters will get longer as I work out all the smaller details in my plot.
The fic is about to go into a worldbuilding extravaganza. It will be great (for me at least). Hope y'all stick along for the ride and hold onto your hats because it'll be a long journey filled with bumps and me fucking up and writing and rewriting and rerewriting, not that anyone but me has to know any of that.
I hope y'all enjoyed the chapter! Have a good day? Night? Whatever! Just have a good one!
