Chapter 3: Full Speed Ahead


"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."

Helen Keller


"The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go."

Dr. Seuss


"Always walk through life as if you have something new to learn and you will."

Vernon Howard


"Chibi-hime…"

"Yes Asuma?"

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" the doubtful bodyguard asked his young charge.

"Of course, it is Asuma. Since when is building a new form of transportation ever a bad idea?" aforementioned young charged asked back, blinking up at him with her big green eyes through a pair of ridiculous circular goggles, as though he were a totally oblivious gremlin for possibly believing otherwise.

Asuma watched as Kiyomi tinkered with a mass of metal parts and wires she had custom ordered from the Land of Iron long before they began their journey around the continent. He honestly had no idea how all those parts would fit together to make anything that would actually move. He looked on as different pieces of metal floated around the little princess for inspection and as she waved the pieces on and they began to fit themselves together.

The relatively young Sarutobi pinched the top of his nose and sighed. He was going to go take a nap in that sunny patch of soft grass on the other side of the clearing until the little princess finished whatever it was, she was building out of… whatever that stuff is.

He knew he shouldn't really be too surprised by his tiny charge and annoying little sister figure at this stage, seeing as their trip around the continent was dictated by her four-year-old whims when she'd never before left her castle, but he still couldn't help but pause at some of her ideas. They still had a good fifty-four days left to travel around and Kiyomi had said she didn't want to waste a single second and decided to build something to get them around faster.

So, the little princess had pulled out a scroll from the very vast depths of their red and gold travel pack and woah and behold a bunch of metal pieces.

The laid-back guard sighed as he lumbered his way over to the warm patch of grass lost in thought. It didn't take very long for him to doze off with complete faith in the traps and seals ability to protect the princess and if not that, wake him up.

It wasn't like anyone could touch her without her say so anyway.


As soon as Asuma was asleep Kiyomi perked up from where she was hunched over her in progress creation covered in oil and grease. With a wave of her hand the final pieces came together, and she was left with the frame and engine of a motorbike inspired by the one that had once belonged to her godfather in her last life. A flying motorcycle that could travel at the same speeds as her old Firebolt 200 would be much more convenient for getting around quickly. It would only really take them a day to get from one end of the country to another.

"Is there anyway I can assist you Mistress?" came Death's oddly eager question, "It's boring just watching."

Kiyomi pondered over Death's odd request for a good few moments before an idea came to her and she stiffened, berating herself for not thinking of it sooner.

"Death," she began, almost hesitant to find herself correct, "you can travel to different worlds, yes?"

"Yes," the prick as old as dirt replied evenly.

"And you can get things from those worlds… yes?" she continued.

"...yes," Death replied, it seeming to dawn on him where this was going as its form shrunk slightly.

"So, you could, I don't know, bring me stuff from my old world, yes?"

"…yes…" the entity seemed to shrink under his Mistress's sharp green eyes boring into his form.

. . .

"We're so dumb!" the reincarnated princess and her old-as-dirt follower exclaimed in a bout of hysterics.

"Why didn't I think of this sooner!? I'm better than that!"

"I've lived for billions upon billions of eons and I didn't even think of that! You'd think with this many years of experience I would know better! Such a stupid rooky mistake! A GENIE would have done better! A GENIE!"

"I can't believe you didn't think of it Death! You're like, as old as fucking dirt!"

"Excuse me!?" the entity spluttered.

"Did I fucking stutter!"

"Yeah well YOU didn't think of it earlier either Mistress!"

"I'm a FOUR-YEAR-OLD! I'm excusable!"

"A reincarnated four-year-old you nasty, midget, gremlin!"

"What did you just call me you petty, bastard, loli-con, creeper!?"

"What the hell do you mean by loli-con you little brat!?"

"So, you don't deny the rest of it!? And of course, you're a loli-con! You're an old creeper who follows around people less than a tenth your age and watches them 24/7! What else are you supposed to be!?"

Death spluttered at the unfounded slander against its person.

"I am a dignified entity and I do not perv on little midgets like you thank you very much!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLIN' A MIDGET YOU ABOMINALE DICK-HEAD! GO TAKE YOUR STUPID ELDER-WAND AND SUCK IT!"

Death suddenly froze, his entire form radiating a thick sense of despair.

"Tha…as…der…"

Kiyomi deadpanned at the suddenly sad being. "What?"

Death shrunk down to the size of a pixie. "That was an order…" he mumbled quietly, "and you're my Mistress so I have to follow it."

Kiyomi stared at Death, her face entirely blank as the entity began to project nervousness, before her entire cherubic face was overtaken with sickeningly sweet –evil— unholy glee.

"So," she began with a manic gleam in her now glowing green eyes, "all I needed to do all that time was order you instead of ask nicely and you would have bent over backwards for me huh?"

Death couldn't gulp in its current form of bones. But if it could, it would have.

"We're going to have so much fun together!" The little princess… no, demon cheered, her little face beaming like the sun, attempting to lure Death into a false sense of security even though the ruse was already up.

Death did not like where this was going.


When Asuma next woke up, he had no idea of the war that waged on the opposite side of the clearing that was absolutely silent to his mortal ears.

But he did know that he was only asleep for less than an hour due to the suns position and in that time his ridiculous little sister figure had seemingly finished her… two-wheeled green and black whatever that thing is and was lounging on a deck chair in sunglasses and drinking an amber drink with a striped straw and tiny umbrella.

He's fairly sure it says something about him that his first thought was 'where in the world do you get tiny umbrellas?' rather than anything really productive.

He's probably just desensitized to all the shit she throws at him at this stage if he were being honest.

Let it never be said that Sarutobi Asuma couldn't adapt.

So Asuma began inspecting whatever it was that Kiyomi had pieced together and asking her all about it.

"So how exactly is this supposed to get us anywhere faster than I could?" he asked as he looked at the little nobs, dials and numbers on display where it looked like you held on. "And what are all these things for?" he continued gesturing to all the different coloured buttons and switches.

Kiyomi looked up at him through her over-sized sunnies and took a long slurp of her butterbeer, finishing it off before sending her favorite person a sly smirk.

"It's called a motorbike and I think it'll be more fun if I just show you. You'll need to put this on first though," Kiyomi said passing him a pair of red-rimmed tinted goggles. "Not because you'll actually really need them, but because then we'll match," she explained taking off her sunglasses and replacing them with her own pink pair –pink is a good colour when used tastefully— that she pulled down over her bright green eyes.

"I've already packed up camp—" "you mean I did" "—so we can move on to Midori farming town right away," the little princess continued as though she couldn't even hear Death grumping in the background.

Asuma was ever so slightly skeptical as he pulled his own pair of goggles over his eyes (they fit perfectly) and followed Kiyomi's instructions of putting the deck chair away in a latched box attached behind the seat on the bike (it was expanded like their travel bag that was already inside the box what?).

As the young man got comfortable behind his small charge on the grey leather seat of the bike holding onto a couple of conveniently placed handles, he had absolutely no idea what he was getting himself into and if he were able to see the shit-eating grin on Kiyomi's face he would have ran for the hills, but alas, the bike began to ascend from the ground to above the treetops and as the shinobi looked around in fascination he missed her quiet chuckles at his soon to be expense.

And so Kiyomi revved the charmed silent bike to top speed and the duo took off across the skies at 200 miles per hour.

And if the little princess laughed at the Sarutobi's not so silent squeal of terror when he almost fell off before sticking himself in place with chakra, he would NEVER tell.


Omake:

'And I want my shoes so well polished you can see your skeletal face in them, ya hear me Skeletor? And you have to do it all by hand. I also want you to tell me everything you know about fuinjutsu and write out all you know about chakra theory and how it can be applied in healing and what effect it has on the human body for me. While you're at it, get me an oversized pair of sunglasses and a glass of butterbeer with a stripy straw and a tiny umbrella with purple polka dots. You get all that?'

"Yes mistress."

'Good. Continue'

"Yes Mistress"

'That's Your Majesty to you, you old as dirt peasant.'

"Yes, Your Majesty."

'Much better. Now that wasn't so hard was it Death?'

"Sigh. No, Your Majesty."


AN:

Sorry for the short chapter, but my sister came to visit for the first time in years, so I don't have enough time to make the chapter longer at the moment, but I hope this is enough to tide that over for a few weeks. I promise my next update will be much longer.

Quick question, but should this fic have any pairings and if so who? I'll need to know to write it into the plot and at the moment I have no such plans for romancing.

Who do you think would go well with Kiyomi? And quick heads but Kiyomi is alls the bismexual. I am all for the bi-Harry headcanon. So, both genders are good.

Have a good day/night and don't hesitate to leave feedback! Anything to better my writing!