Chapter 3: One-on-One
It was about two days after the party and Luna was tending to the garden when she heard movement nearby. Aside from Ginny they rarely got visitors here, so she was a little surprised. While it wasn't likely that they would come under attack it was hard to say when and where the death eaters would decide to strike. Much as she hated to admit it, nobody was safe at the moment. Thinking quickly, she cast the disillusionment charm on herself and felt that trickle of runny egg slowly cover her body until she was camouflaged. Looking around, she soon noticed what appeared to be Harry Potter walking up to her door. The green-eyed hero of the wizarding world knocked gently, but there was no answer from within the house. Her dad had gone out to Diagon Alley an hour ago and wasn't due back until dinner time. She saw Harry's shoulders noticeably slump in defeat when there was no answer, seemingly accepting the fact nobody was there. Honestly she expected him to just leave, but he then bent down and laid a letter with her name on it in looping cursive in front of the door. She had no idea why he would be writing either her or her father, the only guess she had being perhaps a thank you note for her gift and coming to his party.
"Guess I came at the wrong time, hope I'll see you soon." Harry said quietly, turning on his heel and getting ready to make the walk back to The Burrow. Whatever it was he seemed quite saddened by the fact that she wasn't there, and her gut told her that this was probably the real Harry Potter. If she turned out to be wrong than clearly their acting skills were far superior to what she would have expected. Carefully walking around him, Luna walked over to the letter and carefully picked it up before dropping the disillusionment charm. She quietly walked up behind him and poked him in the back with the letter he'd just dropped off. Not hard, just enough to let him know she was there.
For the second time in recent days it seemed she had gotten the drop on him. A small smile appeared on her face when Harry had the knee-jerk reaction of jumping up slightly before whirling around and letting out a chuckle. "So you were here after all. You really are going to have to teach me that spell, Luna. If we'd had a proper defense teacher last year we would all know it, but as you well know we certainly didn't." he said with a smile, before looking down at the letter in her hands. "That's a thank you note...I wanted to deliver it in person. Honestly, I've never gotten a gift that was so thoughtful before. The only one that came anywhere near that close was when Hagrid gave me an old photo album with a few pictures of my parents in it. It was perfect, and I already went and got a wizard camera. Since you're the one who gave me the idea...well, I was kind of hoping you would be the first friend I would grab a picture of. If you don't mind, of course." he said, shuffling his feet a little nervously. Even an idiot would be able to tell her was anxious about something from his body language, and that really wasn't like him. Maybe if he was talking to a crowd of people, but he'd always been fairly comfortable when in small groups or one-on-one.
Luna looked at him curiously, trying to figure out what in the world he was so nervous about. Her head tilted slightly to the side as she pondered what it could be, before giving a small shrug. She was still the same friend she'd been before the party, it's not like she had changed into some evil person who was out to hurt him. Whatever it was he was so tied up in knots over would soon be remedied, she was sure. Maybe he was just worried that he would take a horrible picture and she would be upset with him about it. "Of course I don't mind, just let me go change first these clothes have dirt on them from tending to the garden. Come on in, there's some tea in the teapot sitting on the stove if you want something to drink. Just be careful, it's a gurdyroot infusion that's rather strong if you're not used to it." she said, opening the door and darting upstairs to find something more suitable to wear for a picture.
"Oh, right. Of course you can go change, I'm not in a rush." Harry said, following her inside after a moment of shock. It was clear he wasn't used to the rapid fire pace with which Luna lived her life. She moved from one subject to the next without a moment's hesitation and always seemed to be thinking about what she wanted to do next. One thing you could say about her was that she definitely did not waste any time. He took a seat in the kitchen and simply waited, arms crossed as he leaned against the kitchen table with the camera hanging from a leather strap around his neck. While she was gone he fiddled with it a little, reminding himself on the basics of how it worked as his fingers carefully moved along the different parts. These were definitely more complicated than their muggle counterparts, but well worth the extra effort to get moving pictures of people you cared about. Luna's gift had been well thought out, and he'd already put a few pictures of his parents from the photo album Hagrid had given him into one of the frames. Being able to wake up and see their faces smiling up at him had cheered him up even more than he had guessed it might. He valued those pictures more than his wand, the gift of Hedwig, or that small knight figure he had played with in his cupboard under the stairs. They were his only glimpse into what his parents mannerisms and smiles looked like, and if anything ever were to happen to those pictures he knew he would lose it. Most items could be replaced, but he highly doubted that those could.
While Harry was downstairs thinking Luna was looking through her clothes. It took some searching before she found what she deemed a suitable outfit and tried it on. She smiled when she looked in the mirror and adjusted her clothes before nodding. Luna had on a periwinkle flair skirt, with long white leggings that had periwinkle stripes on them to match. For her top she wore a white flower blouse, and the flowers themselves had some purple to them as well that complimented the skirt quite nicely while not being a total block of the same color. "That's the look for sure." she told herself, giving a small twirl and letting out a giggle before taking a brush and working on her hair for a few moments. She left it loose but it looked much better than before as there had been a few knots that needed working out. Her own opinion of how she looked was really the only one that mattered, and she thought that it was much improved after the change of clothes and the much-needed hair brushing. Last but not least, she applied a small amount of purple eyeshadow, just enough to make things pop before putting away her makeup and nodding. "Here we go." she said to herself, a little nervous herself because she hadn't had a photo taken of her in a while. She trusted Harry to do a fair job of it, though.
As she came back downstairs she found Harry fiddling with his new camera as he waited and decided to break the silence. "So, do you have any idea how to use that thing or are you guessing at this point?" Luna asked, walking over and taking a seat across from him, chin resting on her hands as she leaned over to look at it curiously. She knew the basics on how to operate one but wasn't an expert by any means. Her daddy was much better at that sort of thing. Drawing and crafts were her strengths, not photography. If he had any questions she might not be able to answer them in a technically proficient way, but she could probably point him in the right direction at the very least. Between the two of them she was fairly confident they would be able to figure things out at least well enough to get a couple pictures that weren't horrible.
Harry smiled when he looked over and saw what she was wearing, and he had to admit she looked really pretty. Not that she didn't usually, but this was more of a girly look than he was used to seeing on her and he thought the color really complimented her. The purple and her long, gold hair really worked well together. People made fun of Luna all the time, calling her 'Loony Lovegood' and other, crueler names; honestly, it was their loss that they missed out on seeing such a beautiful, smart, and kind potential friend. "I know the basics I think, it works pretty similar to a muggle camera except this one takes moving photos instead of only still ones. All I have to adjust is the time that I hold the button down for. My aunt and uncle made me take pictures sometimes since they never wanted me in them, so I just had to adjust my mindset a bit." he explained. Harry's eyes moved up and down Luna appreciatively, not trying to ogle her but he was a healthy teenage boy and it was hard not to take note of how attractive she looked right now. "You look lovely, Luna. That purple's a great color on you." he added,, the compliment slipping out before he could stop himself. "I mean, you always do...it's just...well, different. In a good way." he amended, knowing he sounded like a babbling, bumbling baboon at the moment. That was one thing that Professor McGonagall had said during the dance lessons before the Yule Ball that he knew he would never forget. She really was his favorite teacher even though the class was a challenge, stern but fair and had a surprising sense of humor from time to time.
Luna let out a giggle upon seeing him get so twisted up in his own words. "Relax Harry, you didn't have to explain. When you compliment a girl just say what you mean and leave it at that." she told him with a wink, before she grabbed the letter he had given her and opened it. "Now be quiet a moment while I read this. You went to the trouble of writing it so it's only fair I take the time to read it." she instructed him. Harry simply nodded and she turned to examine what he had written. One thing she had to compliment Harry on was that his penmanship was much better than most boys their age. Giving her head a small shake, she refocused her attention and started reading.
'Dear Luna,
If you are reading this it probably means I couldn't find you to give you my thanks in person for the gift that you gave me. The idea, the execution, and the surprise of you attending the party were all things I hadn't expected. However, I must say that you helped make my birthday party the most special one I've ever had. The only one that comes close is when Hagrid rescued me from the Dursleys and gave my cousin Dudley a pig's tail when he started eating my birthday cake. As you know, I don't have many pictures of my family. Hagrid collected some in a photo album for me, but aside from them and a couple Sirius showed me...well, it's just the memory I have that the Dementors brought up of my mum screaming as she tried to protect me from Voldemort. You reminding me that I have you all now, my close friends who are essentially a version of family in their own right was unexpected but much appreciated. It's the best gift I've ever received, and I really feel like I owe you one. I don't deserve to have any of you as friends, you're all so amazing. I was a terrible friend to be around for most of last year, getting angry all the time and lashing out; but, the lot of you stuck by me and for that I will always be eternally grateful. I hope that we can get to know each other better as time goes on. There's something about you Luna, you see things about people that others miss. Instead of using it to get what you want, you use it to try to help people and I respect that more than I can say. Hope this wasn't too mushy of a letter, all I am really trying to say is thank you. For coming to the ministry, for the gift, and for being a great friend.
Your Friend,
Harry
Luna frowned as she reread a part of that letter that really bothered her, and she looked at Harry intently. "Harry, do you really believe that you don't deserve to have us as friends?" she asked him, her tone quite serious as she met his line of sight and stared at him. "Do you really think that?" she asked, waiting for an answer as she tapped the table with her fingernail, waiting expectantly. She had heard rumors about how he'd grown up, so it wouldn't surprise him if they were true that he did feel that way. Abuse, be it physical, mental, or emotional always leaves scars. Nobody, especially a child can come out of that without their own band of demons to face. If she was going to be a good friend to Harry though, she definitely wanted to make an effort to help him with his self-esteem. Aside from Hermione, she didn't think any of his friends paid much attention to the fact that is dreadfully low in spite of all the amazing things he'd accomplished. He didn't have to get a big head about it, but he did need to reach a balance where he could accept the good parts of his life.
Harry was more than a little surprised at her reaction to his letter, not quite sure what to say. Part of him wanted to run, just avoid the question and leave before she dug into a subject he really didn't want to discuss. He owed her better than that though, she had come with him on a blind hunch his godfather was in danger that turned out to be a trap. Instead of running, she had fought alongside him and the others putting her life in danger in the process. The very least he could do was not run himself, even though talk like this scared him more than fighting the Hungarian Horntail had in fourth year. "Well, I mean...yeah. I guess I do." he admitted. "I was awful to all of you last year because I was angry at Umbridge and Dumbledore. A good friend shouldn't take out his anger and frustration on his friends, that's not fair or right. It doesn't make one bit of difference that Voldemort's influence on my brain was making me angry, either. I should have applied myself more to my Occlumency studies with Professor Snape instead of taking the first chance I got to try and attack him. He may have made me angry but it was my choice to behave that way and it was immature of me. To be perfectly honest, I don't feel like I deserve any of you as friends. Especially one as thoughtful and kind as you, Luna." he explained. Being transparent about what he thought was difficult, but he made himself do it, Luna had earned that much from him.
Luna let him say what he had to before reaching over and smacking him hard, the full weight of her arm behind it and making him rock back in his seat, nearly falling out of it. Almost instantly a reddish pink spot in the imprint of her hand started to appear on his face. She shook her hand as it stung a bit before she glared at Harry. "Don't you dare say or think that again, Harry. Next time I won't go so easy on you." she said. Harry tried to look away, but she growled. "Oh, no...you look at me Harry Potter!" she yelled, not letting him get out of this. She came around the table and pulled his chin up from where he'd tried to stare at the floor. Once their eyes were locked she continued. "Everybody, even people like Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle, Merlin's balls...even Voldemort is deserving of friends and the love they have for one another. Maybe if people like them actually had real friends they wouldn't be so awful. Harry, you're one of the kindest, bravest, and most genuine people I know. You care about others so much, but you need to learn to take care of yourself. More than that, you need to learn how to love yourself. If you can't do that, you'll never be ready to accept the love of the people who love you back." she explained, holding his chin steady as she looked into his emerald eyes. Luna was searching for anything in them to reassure her that the message was getting through to him. "Do you understand?" she asked, a dangerous undertone in her voice. While she didn't know of anybody personally who had committed suicide or self-harmed, Luna knew enough about psychology to recognize when someone was at risk of those things. Harry might not realize it but he was if what he had just told her was true...that kind of thinking was dangerous. She'd lost her mother at a young age, and she didn't want to take any time for granted with the close friends that she had made recently. If forcing Harry to have difficult conversations with her was what it took to help him get his head on straight, well that's what she would do.
Harry gulped as he tried to digest what she was telling him. Every instinct in him just told him to run, but he knew deep down that wasn't a healthy thing for him to do. It made sense, and he was sure she was right it's just...he didn't know how to do any of that. Hating himself wasn't something he wanted to do, but he always felt like he was making mistakes, letting people down, and he nearly got his closest friends all killed because he thought he knew what he was doing when he clearly didn't. "I...I do understand, Luna. But I'll admit, I don't know how to begin putting myself back together. Sirius was starting to help me, and now he's gone. He'd been through a situation where he'd hurt others by acting out of anger, and he truly did hate himself for not being there for me as my godfather. He'd found a way to fight and move on...he was so strong. There's nobody...nobody that understood me as well as he did. And it's my fault he's dead, because I thought he was in danger and rushed in to save him. Instead, I sprung a trap and he came anyway. The love we have for each other is what killed him, because he couldn't just let me die. You'll hate me for saying this, but a part of me wishes it was me that had taken that killing curse, not him. I'm not trying to blame myself but the facts are I am the reason he was there that night at all. It is my fault." Harry told her, finally venting what had been weighing on him ever since that night. He couldn't talk to Ron and Hermione about this, they had both their parents. Luna had lost one of hers, so she understood. Sirius may not have been his parent by blood, but he really had started to look up to him as his godfather. The man had been through so much, and always kept fighting even when everything and everybody was against him. Just when he had finally started to let himself depend on somebody other than Ron and Hermione they were taken away from him. It wasn't fair and it wasn't right, it just was.
Luna was hurt that he felt he should've died that night, but understood the feeling. She had thought about hurting herself and even killing herself from time to time after her mum died. Over time and with help from her daddy she had learned how to fight back against those inner demons, but Harry had nobody to teach him. The one who had started to had been taken from him, and the cruelty of that made her heart ache for him. Moving around the table, she wrapped her arms around him and gave him a tight hug. "Shhh, it's okay Harry. You can always, and I do mean always talk to me about this. I get it. Lots of people care about you Harry, and we all agree you are a special person. Not because you're the Chosen One, or the Boy-Who-Lived. We care because you're Harry, the person who fights for his friends and even his enemies sometimes because you try to do the right thing. We'll help you learn to fight this. You're safe here." she said, squeezing him tighter before letting go. "As for what happened with Sirius, all you did was make a mistake. He knew the risks, and he came anyways. Because he loved you, and believed you were somebody worth protecting. You can't take that choice away from him by blaming yourself, because it's not fair to either of you." Luna told him, pausing to let that sink in for a minute before continuing. "Look, I'm not asking you to become a different person overnight, just don't give up. Keep trying, and eventually you'll get there." Luna told him, trying to be comforting but not going to say the standard 'oh, you couldn't have known' or 'of course it's not your fault, dear' bullshit she was sure he got plenty of. Harry wasn't someone who needed patronizing like that.
Tears were running down his face, and even though it was a cathartic experience that he needed he felt a little embarrassed that he'd broken down like this in front of Luna. "Thanks, it means a lot to me Luna. I know I can trust you, it's just...hard learning to be that vulnerable." he said, wiping his eyes before taking out his camera. "Now, before I head back. Give me a smile and a twirl in that gorgeous outfit so I can get a picture." he told her with a wink. Luna obliged him and he did just that, snapping the photo of her twirling and smiling that would hopefully be captured well by the camera. While she'd twirled she had let out a giggle, the light laughter went a long ways to making them both feel more comfortable and relax again. "Can you give me a couple of you just smiling in case that one doesn't turn out?" he requested, snapping a few more before nodding and putting the cap over the lens to protect it. "Awesome, I'll see you later I should be getting back before Mrs. Weasley starts worrying too much. She was okay with me taking you a thank you note, but I don't think she had planned on me staying for too long and you know how she worries."
Luna had fun posing for the photos and was a little disappointed Harry had to go already. "Okay, I understand. Please come back soon, though. I love Ginny, but I wouldn't mind having more of my friends around from time to time. When you aren't being all dark and ominous you're quite fun to have around, you know. And even when you are like that..I still want to be here for you." she explained, wanting to make doubly sure he knew that she didn't mind talking to him about that sort of thing. She was not one to shy away from hard truths, and she thought that was part of the reason she was in Ravenclaw. Learning facts was great, but knowledge about yourself and others was often even more valuable. It was a great responsibility though, because while it could be used to help it could also be used to harm when in the wrong hands. If she ever went from the helping to the hurting she wasn't sure if she would ever be able to forgive herself. Harry speaking again broke her out of her own dark thoughts, which she was grateful for.
"I will come back. Today was...needed. You're different than anybody I've ever met Luna, but in a good way. Does tomorrow work for another visit?" Harry asked her hopefully. It was clear that he really did want to come back, and not only because she wanted him to. Luna scanned his eyes and his expression, able to tell he really did mean it when he said he wanted to come back so soon. After only having one good friend for so long, starting to make another was like a breath of fresh air. She loved spending time with Ginny, but with Harry it was just different. One wasn't necessarily better than the other, they were just different personalities to be around.
Surprised but pleased at the change in their friendship, she nodded. "Yeah, tomorrow's perfect. See you then, maybe we can go catch freshwater plimpies or search for crumple-horned snorkacks. " she said, chuckling and giving him a smile. Luna would have to think of something fun for them to do together. She had lots of ideas, the problem would be narrowing them down to the best ones and seeing which he liked.
Harry nodded, and started heading out the door. "Sounds great! Bye, Luna." he said, waving before walking out the door. Luna sat at the table after waving back, more curious than ever about the mystery that was Harry Potter. Some things made sense, but others she needed to get to know him better before she could fit the puzzle pieces together to get the full picture. Humming to herself, she set about cleaning. The place didn't look too rough, but if she was going to have company again she did want to be a little more prepared than she had been for his unexpected visit today.
