Chapter 4: Bad Dreams
Darkness, all-enveloping that you could almost feel weighing you down with how heavy it was...that was all Luna saw around her. She'd never been afraid of the dark like most children, but there was an uneasiness to this one that sent chills down her spine. Up ahead of her a faint, flickering torchlight blossomed into existence near a stone archway, and she knew instantly that it was the veil. This was the same archway they had seen in the Ministry that night, the one Sirius had fallen through after being hit by the killing curse, the one she had heard what sounded like her mother calling out to her through, and it was something she knew was a relic from another age. Wizards now, they didn't understand the way things worked as well as some of their predecessors did. Even though it scared her she felt a pull towards it, and slowly began walking towards it. There was something about it drawing her in, and she couldn't resist even though she felt a sense of dread deep in the pit of her stomach.
As she got closer she felt a cold chill again and noticed Dementors circling the veil, their presence inducing depression and fear trying to reach out and subdue her with it. Not to be deterred, she thought about Harry, Ginny and the rest of her friends before casting her Patronus, and the bright hare cut a path forwards that she followed through. She kept the Patronus going as she stepped forwards, stopping a mere five feet in front of the veil and looking around curiously. Part of her had expected something to happen when she got close, but Luna didn't see anything out of the ordinary happening. That was when she heard her mother's voice, though, calling out to her again like it had that night. "Luna...join me. I...miss you." she called, the words sounding as if they were coming from a distance but were still clear.
Frowning, she tried to process what her mum was asking of her. Joining her meant death, there was no way around that and it certainly wasn't something she thought her real mother would ask of her. "I think I heard you wrong, what did you say?" she asked, leaning closer as she took another step towards it. Without her even realizing it the hare Patronus faded and the Dementors edged closer, emanating their cold gloom as they did. Luna shivered but turned her head so her ear was facing towards the veil as she waited for a response. There was no way that her mother would ask her to commit suicide by going through the veil, surely she had misheard. Maybe it was some weird creature pretending to be her mother so as to lure her in.
"You heard me. I said to join me, daughter. I miss you." her mother called out once more. Scratching her head in confusion, she tried to process why her mother would ask her to do this. None of it made any sense but when she moved to stand up and back away from it she found herself ringed in by a large circle of Dementors. Their skeletal hands were reaching out for her in their dark cloaks, longing to grab her and hold her still while they sucked out her soul. She brought up her wand again, her hand shaking. "Expecto Patronum." she said, trying to think of her friends but finding herself unable to remember what it was like to be with them. A few wispy strands escaped her wand that quickly disappeared as another surge of cold shot through her. She began to be truly afraid now. She'd heard once that if you actually died in a dream you could die in real life as well. While she wasn't sure if it was true, she was not eager to test that theory. Instinctively she backed away from the dementors edging slightly closer to the veil.
"Please, just let me go." she pleaded, knowing it was futile but not knowing what else to try at this point. The Dementor closest to her leaned forward, pulling away its mask so it could give her the kiss and she tried to back up again. When she tried to get out of the way her back met the unforgiving stone of the archway, preventing her from moving. There was nowhere left for her to go, and she tried to dodge to the side to avoid the kiss but she felt her foot slip and she began to fall backwards. She started to cross through the veil and wondered if this was when she'd finally meet her mum. It seemed a bit of an odd way to go, but she'd always been an odd girl so maybe it was fitting. She started to cross through, and then...nothing.
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Luna jerked awake with a start, realizing she had broken out into a cold sweat during her nightmare. Her breath was coming in gulps as she tried to process the strange dream. She had a vivid imagination so having the occasional nightmare wasn't out of the norm for her, but that had been far more intense than any she could remember. Goosebumps covered her skin and she pulled the blanket closer as she tried to reassure herself that all was well. "Don't let figments of your own imagination take the fight right out of you." she said to herself, as she closed her eyes and focused. Slowly she began to clear her mind, focusing on the way the blanket felt over her, and the bed beneath her, the pillow she could feel as she slowly laid back. Ever so gently she eased herself into a quiet meditation and felt the fear that had been gripping her slowly begin to slip away. It didn't disappear completely, she could feel it lurking and trying to find a way back in like some animal on the prowl but it had lost its power over her for now.
She took about half an hour meditating like that before breaking out of it and letting out a sigh. She couldn't hide in her bed forever, after all it was summer vacation. There were loads of fun things she could be doing right now, and it was better not to waste a day if possible. Luna proceeded to get dressed and brushed her hair before walking downstairs to make herself an egg and cheese sandwich for lunch. Once she'd had some food she felt loads better and smiled as she set about cleaning up the dishes. Soon everything was tidy as could be in the kitchen so she decided to go and enjoy the garden. It was a little after ten o'clock and the sun was already shining with a nice summer breeze to go with it. Stepping outside and into the garden she picked her way around what they were growing to her favorite spot in the middle of their garden and plopped herself down. Luna crossed her legs and leaned back against the sun-warmed rock, letting her thoughts wander as she simply basked in the sun.
As the sun started to melt away the troubles of the night, Luna began to hear footsteps and opened her eyes to find Harry heading towards the house. She got up and brushed some of the dirt off her jeans before finding her way out of the garden. "Hello, Harry. Just to be safe...what did we use to communicate in the DA?" she asked, pulling out her wand and holding it steady on him as she waited. If her nightmare had reminded her of anything it was that they weren't quite as safe as they all seemed. All it took was a moment to forget to check who someone was or wander somewhere alone, and things could go horribly wrong. If people could disappear right out of their shops in Diagon Alley or get murdered in broad daylight it was much smarter to take a little time to verify a friend's identity before going about your business.
Harry looked from her wand to her, giving her a nod. "Special galleons that Hermione worked on. What did we fly to the Ministry on?" he asked back, following her example. A small frown appeared on his face as he looked at her, even though he'd only gotten to know her last year it was easy to tell that something was bothering her. She had helped him a lot the other day and he was grateful for it, so if he could offer any help to her he would gladly give it.
Luna smiled at the question as she remembered that particular adventure. "Thestrals, naturally. Their big, leathery horses who can only be seen by those who have seen death." she added. Then she decided to move back to her rock in the garden, because right now little things like that helped her feel more at ease. "Come on, there's a nice spot out here." she said, motioning him to follow as she picked her way back and took a seat on her rock, settling in. Harry soon joined her, making himself comfortable on the ground as he crossed his legs underneath him.
"Luna...forgive me if this seems rude, but...well, you look like you had a bit of a rough night. Is there something bothering you?" he asked her quietly. Harry looked a little uncertain, but it was obvious he was trying to be a good friend. "If you'd rather talk to Ginny or your dad I understand. Just thought I'd offer, I've had my share of bad dreams and sleepless nights myself lately." Harry admitted. Things might be relatively safe for them at the Burrow and here at The Rookery but that didn't mean he was completely unaware of the danger the wizarding world was right now. Add to that the death of his only real parental like figure he'd ever had, and it was no surprise at all to hear he was struggling as well.
She shifted uncomfortably on the rock and let out a sigh. "Guess I didn't hide it that well. It's not that I wouldn't appreciate it talking about it I just...I'm not sure I can, Harry." she admitted it quietly. Even now in the light of day with a friend next to her thinking about it made her shiver. After a few moments she steeled herself and forced herself to talk to her friend. These things were like a kind of poison, and the only way to draw it out was to share the burden of them with the people who cared about you. "Basically I was back at the death veil, there were Dementors and...and my mom was asking me to join her. She didn't specify, but I'm assuming she meant by killing myself. The Dementors surrounded me and were trying to kiss me, and when I tried to dodge them I slipped and started falling into the veil when I woke up." she explained, shaking her head as a tear fell. "You know, part of me thought for a moment that maybe I should listen to her. She kept saying how much she missed me and I miss her too. I've never met anybody quite like her, my mum was amazing. She just had this way about her of brightening up a room, making people laugh and smile. For a moment, just a moment...I thought maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if I did fall into the veil and saw her again." Luna told him seriously, tears beginning to fall down her face as she admitted what was bothering her.
Upon hearing all that from his friend Harry knew instantly that he was in over his head. Not sure what else to do, he got up and sat next to her on the rock since it seemed big enough to fit another person and slowly put an arm around her and as he pulled her against him for a hug. "That's awful, Luna. All I can say is you would be sorely missed if we were to ever lose you. Your father loves you dearly, as well as all of your friends. You're important to all of us." he said quietly, holding her tighter as she started to cry a little more. It hurt seeing his friend like that, but he knew that her crying was probably a good sign because she was letting it out instead of holding it in.
It felt good to let go for once and simply feel, and Luna held onto Harry gratefully as she did just that. Luna knew she should probably be embarrassed about crying all over Harry's shirt, but at the moment she was just grateful to have somebody there for her. "Thanks, I do...I do know that. It's just hard sometimes, I'm sure you of all people can understand that." she said, knowing he had a darker past than almost anybody she knew. Fate had not been kind to either of them, but they were trying to make the most of what had been given.
Harry let out a laugh at that, shrugging. "Yeah, I suppose I do understand that better than most. You know what saved me?" he asked, pausing for effect. "Friends. Friends like Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Neville, the twins, and you of course." he told her, finally letting go when he noticed her starting to feel a bit better. If Sirius had been able to teach him anything it was that good friends were more important than just about anything else. And, deep down he knew his godfather wouldn't have wanted to go out another way. He had died trying to protect his godson, and the time he'd bought him had probably done just that. He'd also died fighting the people who had helped empower Voldemort, who had in turn killed his best friends. The old dog wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
Luna wiped away the tear tracks and nodded, finally starting to feel more like herself again. The meditation had earlier had helped, but it had been more like sticking a band-aid over a problem than actually healing the injury. "You're right, friends are important. I actually started working on a painting in my room. It's of all of us who fought at the Ministry, well the kids at least. We're linked by the word friends repeated over and over like chains connecting us." she explained, smiling as she thought about it. "As long as those chains of friendship don't get broken I know we'll win this war, because it makes us stronger than they can ever understand." she told him firmly.
Harry let that sink in for a moment before responding, a smile appearing as he did. "That's beautiful Luna, and you're right. All of that puts them at a serious disadvantage. Nobody fights harder than when they're trying to protect someone they care about." he said, before letting out a sigh. "You know, you aren't the only one who's been having bad dreams lately. Almost every night I see either Sirius or one of the friends who went with me to the Ministry being killed in front of me. Sometimes it's death eaters or Dementors, other nights they simply slip into the veil. One time a lot of us got buried in the time-turner room when they all fell, or slipped and got left behind to get crushed by the falling prophecy orbs. I still haven't figured out how to stop them from coming, and I don't really know who to talk to about them." he admitted.
It was obvious to Luna that Harry was unaccustomed to opening up to people like this. Now after he'd shared he seemed almost ashamed of himself for showing that much emotion. Seeing him like that bothered her and she wanted to help, but she knew it would be tricky finding how. "Harry, if I had to make a guess about the dreams I'd say it's because you feel responsible. Maybe it's a small part or a large one, but I think a part of you blames yourself for what happened." she said quietly, before reaching out and placing a hand on his shoulder. "Look, we all chose to be there with you because we wanted to help. If you had gone without us it could've been far worse, and we went with you knowing it would be dangerous. You're our friend and you needed help, so we did our best. We all know you tried your best too, and that's all anybody can ask." she told him firmly, giving his shoulder a squeeze before letting go.
Harry had been nodding as Luna spoke, trying to let it all sink in because he knew she was right. "Thank you. You see so much more than most people, and I'm grateful for it. I know you're right, it's just...well, it's tricky making yourself believe something when there's already something else there. Even if it's wrong it's entrenched, and rooting it out is always more challenging than you think it's gonna be." he explained, hoping that made some sort of sense because even he wasn't really sure if it did or not.
Luna smiled, letting out a laugh at his explanation. "That's an interesting way of putting it, but yeah I think I know what you mean. All I can say is keep at it, and if you ever need someone to talk to I'm happy to listen." she said, before getting up and stretching. "Thanks for coming over, but I really should get started on making lunch soon. I could make extra if you want to stay." she offered.
The offer was a kind one but Harry shook his head. "No thanks, I promised the gang some Quidditch after we eat over there, so I should probably be going too. Thanks for the advice, though. I needed some and...talking about that stuff isn't easy for me. I love Ron but he's not the type of person I would want to have a serious conversation like this with. You're a great listener." he complimented her, giving her a smile before turning around and starting to head back towards the Weasleys. "I'll try to come visit again as soon as I can. Mrs. Weasley was wrapped up in trying to make Ron clean his room this time but she usually keeps a pretty close watch on us. Even just coming over here I don't think she's a big fan of me making the trip alone." he admitted. She was perhaps a little overprotective, but at the moment he couldn't really blame her all things considered.
"You aren't so bad at giving advice yourself, Harry. I needed somebody to talk to today, and you did a great job of listening." she told him. "Just come and visit whenever you can, believe me I'm familiar with how protective Mrs. Weasley is of those in her change. Plus she basically sees you as one of her own, I'm sure if she could legally adopt you she would have by now. Anyways, have fun kicking some butt at Quidditch. See you later." Luna said with a smile and giving him a wave before turning towards home and heading off to go make some lunch for her and her father. He should be back soon and she was sure that he'd be hungry when he did get here. "I hope him confiding in me isn't just a one time deal." she said, thinking to herself that these talks with Harry were rather quite nice and she wouldn't mind more of them in future.
