A great big THANK YOU goes out to joanhello, who generously shared so many great ideas with me, and educated me on how radio jamming works. Apparently, all radio signals *within* the jammed area are cut off as well, so the citizens of Metro City can't communicate with each other with cell phones, or any other wireless medium. (Maybe everyone else already knew this, but I, however, didn't.) The idea that the brainbots can communicate using laser lights is entirely her idea. Think DVD players. NASA has used laser beams to transmit information through space. Any blunders I may have committed are entirely my own.

Roxanne ending up...er...where she ends up for the night comes from the original writing prompt suggested by ramendobe of tumblr.


Somehow he stayed standing despite the tidal wave of relief that washed over him at the sight of her. His mind reeling and buzzing, he made it through the next hour. There were things that had to be done, rules laid down, impertinent cops to be put in their place, that sort of thing. He kept an iron grip on his self control, outwardly the master of all he surveyed, inwardly quivering like a tree in a high wind.

He was terrified he might be hallucinating, but Minion could obviously see her, and the others. There she was, and sporting a .38 magnum on her belt, no less! Dirty and disheveled, like everyone else, still wearing the same blouse and no-nonsense brown slacks she'd been wearing for her last broadcast, and navy blue Converse tennis shoes, which didn't quite match her usual stylishness, but maybe she'd had them on standby when everything went all to hell.

He had almost been ready to face the terrible fact that he might never find her, or if he did, it would be her mortal remains. Now she was in his Lair, under his protection, having come to him - him of all people!- for help. Which wasn't the least bit weird. Not at all weird.

What did she think about all of this?

His villainous image was wrecked anyway, now he was some kind of anti-heroic volunteer boy scout or something, but somehow confessing that he'd let a bunch of faceless drones into his Lair, that he actually cared about these people... it was worlds colliding, identities shifting, boundaries changing, it was... it was MONUMENTAL, that's what it was, and how was he supposed to act?

Fifty-seven? she'd whispered. His stomach had twisted at the look on her face. Obviously he was making a complete cock-up of the situation. So few, so few rescued, the city was dying around him, but he was trying...

And then she'd thrown her arms around him.

Okay. What was up with that?

Mentally he gave himself a good solid kick. Wake UP, moron. Her beefcake boyfriend's abandoned her, she doesn't want to die, she's desperate, why ELSE would she come to the Lair?

People did strange things when they were stressed out. She was undoubtedly regretting it. So it was best if he ignored it, and never brought it up again.

Goosebumps ran up his neck. If you care anything about me at all, she'd said. Which meant she possibly suspected his interest in her wasn't entirely professional. Did she mean 'care about' as in 'care about me since we've known each other for years and therefore you have a duty toward me as a colleague'?

Or did she mean 'care about' as in 'care about me since you're so obviously deeply and absolutely in love with me, what the hell is the matter with you, you sick bastard, what kind of man claims to be in love with his captive, I think we all know what kind of man that is, don't we, but since I clearly have no other options if I don't want to die horribly, may my friends and I stay in your Lair until the cavalry comes'?

He hadn't wanted to leave the Lair again so soon, but their food stores were much too low, especially with the unexpected addition of another eighty-one people. He swayed slightly with the motion of the hovercraft.

Roxanne had almost caught him looking at her as they took off. That was close. He'd have to be more careful. She certainly didn't need him hovering around her. No doubt she felt it was bad enough that she had to come to the home of her kidnapper, without having to put up with unwanted...

A cloud of gnats pelted his head. He spat and swatted them away. "Gabby, could you please speed it up?" he snapped. "I think I saw a turtle race by."

Gabby grimaced and sped up a notch.

He suppressed a sigh. She was quite competent, actually, except for this tendency to go so slowly the engine threatened to stall.

He looked around, and into the barrel of Dean's laser rifle.

"Dean," Megamind said carefully.

Dean glanced over, did a double-take, and quickly pulled the rifle up so it pointed at the sky.

Megamind raised an eyebrow. "Do you remember what I said about guns?"

Dean gulped. "Uhhhh..."

"Keep the safety catch on," he said, reaching over and flicking the switch, "and always know where you're aiming." Megamind glanced at Hank the Cop, who was watching the exchange. "Got anything to add?" he said sharply.

Hank shook his head and looked away.

"You should. You're going to be the new gun safety instructor," Megamind said. "I'll brief you tomorrow." He turned to face front again. If he had to put up with a goddamn cop in his space, he was going to get some work out of him. Hank presumably had some experience with search and rescue, maybe even first aid. He'd break the cop in during the probation period.

His lips curled into a smile. Probation! Roxanne was a genius. He found any more cops, he'd put 'em all on probation.

The hovercraft jolted, and he fell against the rail. "Ease the throttle forward smoothly," he snapped. "Oh." He brightened. He could actually feel the breeze now. The air was cooling as the sun set. "Well done, student pilot."

Gabby's face was pale. "Zombies," she said, nodding off to the side.

Sure enough, a few zombies shuffled out of an alley. The hovercraft quickly left them behind. More zombies were visible, lurching aimlessly over the street. "Bring us a little higher," Megamind said, and Gabby adjusted the altitude. Now they cruised along at ten feet above ground level. By the time a zombie might get it into its head to climb on a car or other structure to get at them, the hovercraft would be blocks away. Not good at thinking ahead, the average zombie.

There was a loud cawing and a sudden flurry of wings.

A flock of crows rose from a tree by the street. Zombies crouched over corpses, and looked up at the noise of the hovercraft. A car and pick-up truck lay smashed together in the middle of the road.

The body of a man lay half in half out of a windshield. The top of his head was gone.

Gabby whimpered, Hank cursed, and Dean made retching sounds.

"Throw up over the side," Megamind said without looking around.

A sudden movement from a nearby building made everyone start. Zombies, as Megamind knew all too well, sometimes dropped on you from a height, if they happened to be in position.

Two vultures perched on a ledge next to them. One of them finished stretching its wings, shook out its feathers, and settled. They blinked their beady black eyes. Megamind counted ten, twelve, fifteen more circling high overhead, floating on the thermals. Another vulture on the ground hopped away from a zombie lurching at it. Flapping with slow heavy beats, it lifted off and made its way to another rooftop.

They stared at the vultures, and the birds in the trees, making the streets echo with their cawing. Megamind had a bizarre feeling of being on safari. (Come see the zombies in their natural habitat. To avoid being dragged out of your vehicle and eaten alive, please keep your limbs and head inside at all times...)

A change of wind brought a sudden gust of decay and they all gagged. Dean threw up again.

Note to self: Dean has weak stomach. Better suited to duties around Lair. Megamind, hand clamped over his mouth and nose, dug under a seat for bandanas and cloth pieces, and handed them out. He should have done this sooner. He was not thinking clearly on two and a half hours of sleep over a five day period.

They tied the cloths around their faces. "All right, let's move." He eyed Gabby, who was leaning hard against the console and taking shallow breaths. "Need me to drive?"

She shook her head. "I'm all right. Where to?"

He pointed to the next corner.

They swooped around it and his eyes widened at the sight. A huge pile of zombies heaved and writhed against the side of a three story building. "- - - er's Grocery" was all that was visible under the mass. When a new zombie approached the pile, it simply began stepping on the others. The ones on the top were almost at the roof. Wheezing zombie moans filled the air.

Dean groaned, "Mister Megamind, can we go back now?"

"No!" Gabby snapped. "We have to search for survivors, right? Those zombies are after somebody, right?" Her eyes were fierce above the bandana.

Megamind felt a brief smile stretch his lips. "Indeed. Take us up, pilot."

They rose above the roofline and saw the zombies' quarry.

A knot of people huddled in the middle of the roof. Several held baseball bats and various other bits of wood and metal. There was no shelter. The only shade was caused by the shed that housed the roof's entry door, but it was so close to the zombie pile trying to claw its way onto the roof, no one was near it. From the looks of the dust-streaked faces, and beet red in the case of the caucasians, they must have been trapped up there all day.

A dead hand clawed at the roof.

"Take down the ones on top," Megamind said. Dean, to his credit, did his best, aiming and firing, albeit badly, but it was enough. He and Megamind shot down the top of the pile, to give some breathing space.

Gabby brought the hovercraft down. Megamind stepped off, pulling the bandana down. Not that it would necessarily help, but he hoped it would show good will. The refugees drew back.

Megamind said to Hank. "Think you can do your friendly neighborhood cop schtick? And take off the bandana, you look like a damn outlaw."

Hank nodded, and walked toward them with his hands raised. "Evenin' folks. Need some help?"

A distant shout echoed. A block away, there was a frantic waving of arms from an office building.

Interesting. This was the first time anyone had tried to flag them down. He raised his hand to shield his eyes from the setting sun. Several more people came to the windows, waving and shouting. "Heyyyy! Over here!"

There must be at least thirty. The hovercraft could hold twenty, maybe twenty-five in a real pinch. When he activated his comm the nearest unoccupied brainbot immediately flew over, to open the line to Minion so he could tell him to bring the bus.

After sending the message with the address, map, and a reminder to bring enough brainbots to fly the bus over obstacles, he got the first little sunburned group herded onto the hovercraft, and brought them along to talk to the wavers.

They had seen him go by a few times before, sometimes with ordinary people. Not knowing if he had captured citizens for some nefarious purpose, they had always hidden. Their situation had grown more and more desperate, and at last they were willing to take a chance on flagging him down, because it looked like he might be rescuing people.

So... was he? There to assist? Because frankly, by this point, getting drafted into a slave army was looking like a viable option.

He deposited the sunburned group with them, told them to sit tight until Minion got there with the bus, and then he and his little semi-trained crew of scavengers went back to the grocery store.

The zombie pile hadn't quite dissipated yet, though they seemed to have realized their prey had escaped, and the ones at the bottom were slowly disentangling from the pile-up.

The zombies were mostly crowded around the front of the store, so it was a simple process of him and Hank dashing in the back. Megamind dehydrated everything left on the shelves and Hank scooped up the cubes, while Gabby and Dean kept a look-out, and warned them when the zombies figured out that fresh meat was sneaking in the other side of the building. It was still a narrow escape. The brainbots helped keep the encroaching horde back long enough for them to make it back to the hovercraft.


By the time Minion and Megamind got back with the new load of people, the sun had set and the stars shone brilliantly, a byproduct of the city-wide blackout.

Megamind held up a garbage bag full of cubes in triumph. "Good news," he sang out. "We got Spam. Spa-a-a-a-am!"

There were a few good-natured boos and groans. Someone called out from the back. "Where's my pizza?"

Megamind grinned and waved his arm with a get-outta-here gesture. "Ehh, you're all a bunch of ingrates. The lot of you!" People chuckled.

"And we got coffee!" Gabby shouted with a smile. This got a much more enthusiastic response and a smattering of applause.

"As an added bonus," Megamind announced, raising his voice above the growing din, "we now have a doctor in our ranks. Soon as she gets settled, rejuvenated, and otherwise oriented to the wonders of Lair living, she has agreed to setting up office hours." He swept a hand toward the people straggling off the bus. "I give you our new chief of medical calamities, Dr. Plant. No relation to the famous Led Zeppelin musician, unfortunately, so don't get your hopes up there."

A woman with gray-streaked brown hair cautiously raised her hand to identify herself to the crowd.

Megamind had the newbies walk by a huge group of assembled brainbots, and gave them a similar though much shorter speech about not causing trouble, or else it was alligator time.

"I'm going out," he said abruptly, and strode across the yard.

Minion snapped, "No."

"I'm taking a look at the border."

"Sir, you need to rest. Let the brainbots..."

Megamind shot him such a glare that Minion took half a step back. The henchfish sighed. "Okay. How long?"

"I'll be back when I get back."

"But when?"

Megamind worked his jaw, irritated at a deadline. "Fifteen minutes." He turned back to the hovercraft.

Roxanne hurried over and climbed onto it. "Want some company?"

He stared at her blankly. "Oh. Who wants to..."

Roxanne made an exasperated noise. "I do, stupid!"

A purple blush spread over his cheeks and he clapped a hand to his forehead. "Yes. Right. Of...of course." His brows were furrowed with the appalling realization that he hadn't understood what she was talking about.

Roxanne studied him. His five o'clock shadow and the dark marks under his eyes were even more pronounced. He looked dried out. "You know what, I think Minion's right, you need to rest."

"What I need is to wind down. I won't be able to sleep for a while anyway. If at all." He glanced around, then leaned toward her. "And I need a little space."

"You...you need to be alone?"And here she was, intruding. She could understand that. He was used to it being just him and Minion, and now there were hordes of strangers around 24/7.

His eyes widened and he flapped his hands at her. "No, I didn't mean I had to get away from... look, I don't mind if you come along. Really." He fidgeted with the torn edge of his cape. "I'm glad you're here." He grabbed the controls with a jerky movement. "Hang onto the rail."

They flew through the night, past the silent buildings and the abandoned observatory on its hill. The street lights were on, Roxanne noticed, in Megamind's territory. They flew over the brainbots guarding the border, and touched down on the mainland side.

Several of the brainbots and huge brutebots floated over, making excited bowg-bowg noises. A brutebot rumbled "BOWG" and the noise made her bones vibrate.

Megamind petted them, tugged playfully at some of their pincers, and cooed, "Yes, there's my ee-vil babies. Yes, you are. Working so hard! Chewing up those nasty zombies, aren't you? Back in line, you vicious little cyborgs, Daddy will visit each and every one of you."

Roxanne looked around. The street lights behind the brainbots contrasted with the total darkness in the rest of the city. "You have emergency generators?"

He pointed out a nondescript skinny pillar. "Windmills and disguised solar panels power the Lair. It was a simple matter to hook up the rest of the neighborhood."

Roxanne frowned. "That doesn't look like a windmill. Where are the blades?"

"It operates by vibrations. The wind makes the cylinder oscillate, transforming kinetic power into energy."

Roxanne covered her mouth to keep from laughing. "Your Lair is powered by giant... vibrators. That's uh..." she fought down the giggles. "Very interesting."

Megamind's face split into a huge grin and he began to laugh."I will never... I can't even... giant vibrators?" He sat down on the street and curled up.

Roxanne held her stomach and doubled over. "That's so. Juvenile!"

"You started it!" he gasped, and buried his face in his arms, shoulders shaking with laughter.

It took a while for them to get a hold of themselves. The 'bots watched with curiosity. Eventually he was able to get up again, and they continued their stroll down the line of 'bots. Megamind held a hand up, brushing his fingertips against each one.

Roxanne's stomach hurt from laughing so much. She said, "Thanks for letting me...us...inside."

He cleared his throat. "Sure. No problem."

"Round the clock vigilance, I see."

"Whenever we go out on an excursion, it stirs up the zombies. The noise attracts them. Usually takes a few hours for them to come by, but I like to see for myself that all is quiet."

"So the brainbots will sound an alarm when zombies shuffle by?"

"Oh, yes."

Roxanne rubbed her arms. Now that the sun was down there was a chill in the air. A low fog was drifting in from the lake. "They're waiting for us to die, aren't they," she said flatly. He gave her a questioning look. "The army," she said.

He sighed. "It looks that way."

"I knew it. When they cut off all communications with the outside world, I knew it," she said, her voice low. Her jaw tightened. "Won't even let us tell our stories. Like we're supposed to shut the hell up, roll over, and die."

I'm surprised you didn't escape, she thought, but it sounded accusatory somehow, as if she didn't think he was capable of it, that the army had succeeded where the prison had failed. Or accusatory in another way: I never would have believed you'd stick around and help people.

"Why did you stay?" she asked.

It took him a long time to answer. "Because I had to," he said. He raised his hands and let them fall again to his sides. "They blew up a car. They have been shooting people. I send brainbots out along the outskirts of the city to discourage people from trying to leave, but I don't know if that's the right thing to do or not. Who am I to prevent people from trying escape if they want to? Sure as hell isn't anything to keep people here. But even if some slip through the quarantine, they'll be on the run and have to hide their true citizenship, or they'll be shot on sight."

His face was stricken in the red and blue glow of the brainbots. "I stayed because no one else was helping. Especially not... not you-know-who."

"Metro Man," Roxanne muttered.

"But I'm no hero, Miss Ritchi," he said in a harsh voice. "I am here for rev-ahnge as much as anything else. One should do good because it is the right thing to do, expecting no reward in return."

"I find it hard to believe you stuck around only for revenge," she said. "So what do you expect to get as a reward?"

He grimaced and shrugged. "I don't know," he said. "People were dying. I had to do something. I decided that if the so-called do-gooders weren't going to take care of the city, then I would. But I don't know how. I'm making it up as I go along. And I'm doing it all wrong. I should have..." He gave a violent shake of his head. "Our city's first responders, the police, the firefighters... I don't even know what happened to them. Your pal Hank is the first living police officer I've seen. Minion and I, we saw one police station, it was completely overrun with zombies. There were no life signs, there were no... the hospitals... all those people... the prison."

He wrapped his arms tightly around his chest. "I have done everything wrong," he said savagely. He swiped a hand so hard over his eyes that Roxanne was afraid that he'd cut himself on the spiked glove. "The wrong order of importance. If I hadn't been trying to do everything myself, I would have rounded up the police and firefighters right away, gotten the hospitals surrounded with brainbots. Sooner or later we'll come across people with life-threatening injuries, and I have almost no medical supplies! And only one doctor!" He clutched his head. "All I'll be able to do is dehydrate the injured with the de-gun, but I can't preserve everyone in a state of suspended animation forever, I wasn't prepared, I haven't been trained, I wasn't ready!"

Roxanne stepped in front of him, forcing him to stop, and grabbed his forearms, carefully avoiding the spikes. "None of us saw this coming. None of us!"

He took a few more shuddering breaths, and slowly lowered his arms. Roxanne let him go and looked him in the eye. "You can't keep beating yourself up over what you should have done. Right now there are a lot of people in your Lair that wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. You're being too hard on yourself. What, you think you don't have the right motivation or something?"

His eyes moved back and forth a little in their sockets, searching her eyes. "Should be helping people out of a... sense of duty. I'm not one of those people who puts others' welfare above their own," he muttered. "I don't have a good..." He wrapped his arms around his chest. "I'm not good."

Roxanne scoffed. "If you waited until you achieved sainthood before you went out and helped, we'd all be dead, Megamind. No offense."

He looked startled, and then he gave her a bemused smile. "You have demonstrated once again, Miss Ritchi, your unique insight, delivered along with a swift kick to the ego."

"There's good in everyone, Megamind," she said. I never believed you were really evil anyway, she thought, but didn't say. His actions proved it, but she thought it would be better if he realized it for himself.

They continued walking, and reached the end of the brainbot line. The waters of Lake Michigan lapped the shore, sparkling in the starlight. The full moon was high and white.

They watched the waves for a little while, then began to walk back. Megamind's wrist comm beeped, and Minion's voice floated out. "Sir, It's been over fifteen minutes."

Megamind raised the comm to his mouth. "I know, filet mignon. We're heading back now."

"Wait a minute," she said. "All wireless communications are blocked, right? Nothing in or out of the city, or within the city, even. How are you communicating?"

"Brainbots," he said, pointing at a brainbot hovering nearby. There were so many of them flitting around that Roxanne barely noticed them anymore.

"And?" she prompted, putting her hands on her hips as he continued to look at her with a slight smile. "That still doesn't explain how."

"This isn't the first time someone's tried to block my communications. The brainbots are capable of communicating with lasers. Messages are converted from digital data to laser light, then transmitted by nearest available brainbot to a relay station." He pointed down the street. "There's one on that roof. The signals travel from 'bot to station to 'bot and back to my comm along their lines of sight. The comm converts the signal back to digital so the message can be played. I have relay stations set up all over the city, powered by solar cells."

His face was a portrait in smugness. She reached out and wiped at the spot on his nose. "You know you got ink on your face? You'll have to wash." He was very still, not moving a muscle. She smiled, and began to walk off. He hurried to catch up.

Roxanne glanced at him. "Are you really saving all the bodies? The zombies even?"

"Zombies are people too."

"Aren't you worried about infection?"

He clapped a hand to his forehead. "I knew I was forgetting something."

"What?"

"I make it a point to inform newcomers. The virus... it's different now. Or at least the virus unleashed upon the city is different. It doesn't kill outright. It lies dormant until the host dies of other causes, and then the zombification process begins." He told her what he'd learned, how someone had infected the city and set off a nerve gas to kill hundreds, maybe thousands of people, to get the zombie hordes underway.

Roxanne gasped, "You have to tell someone!"

"I know. I plan on..."

"Right now! What about your fantastic tech? Can't you break through? With your laser lights?"

"No one else is capable of receiving my laser signals. The technology I developed is custom made, it's not compatible with..."

"You have to try harder!"

"I am! When I get a few spare moments, I'll..."

"This could convince them to stop the quarantine!"

"Or maybe it won't," he snapped.

She put her hands on her hips. "You need to try anyway! Try again. Try harder!"

"Before or after I work out the complex formulas to replicate all of Doris's medications? Or the insulin? I've got four diabetics on my hands, more now, probably, and when the insulin runs out, they could fall into comas and die. Or when I'm scrounging for food or searching for survivors or keeping the zombies from breaking in?"

He closed his eyes with a heavy sigh. "Miss Ritchi, I have every intention of breaking through the barrage jamming they are leveling against the city, but even if I do manage to get a hold of someone in power, do you really think they'll listen to me? The Master of All Villainy?"

"Then I'll talk to them." Roxanne said. "You know what, I need to start recording my own broadcasts."

"Can't broadcast anything, Miss Ritchi, remember?"

"I'm going to make reports anyway. Record what's happening, interview survivors. If I can find a camera. And when you break through their jamming, I'll start broadcasting."

Megamind tapped his fingers against his lips. "I like that idea," he said with a sly smile. "Very subversive. I'll assign you a few of my camerabots."

She sighed. "For once I wish Hal was here. He was... is... a good cameraman."

Megamind glanced at her. "I suppose I should tell you."

"Oh no. You found him? He's dead?"

"No. He was the peeping tom."

"Oh, gaaawwwd," she groaned. "Why am I not surprised?" She wiped her hands down her face. "Do I have this... this virus? Do all of us?"

"I don't know," he said quietly. "Possibly. Probably. I could draw a little blood and run a test, to tell for sure. Though non-lethal, it's highly contagious. Everyone I've tested so far has it."

"So that's why you haven't bothered with your own quarantine. Everyone already probably has it."

"Except for me and Minion."

She nodded. "Oh, because of the...uh..."

He smiled. "The alien thing, yes. If anyone dies in the Lair, I'll have to put a hole in their heads so they don't rise again."

They walked along, their feet crunching on bits of gravel. Crickets chirped.

She glanced at him. "I kind of need to apologize."

"For what? I told you, you're not intruding."

She rubbed her elbow. "Well, no, not that. I kind of had the idea I'd have to...buy... our way into the Lair."

"Oh? I guess that was reasonable to assume I'd charge an entrance fee. You all pooled your spare change?"

She licked her lips. "It was me."

He cocked an eyebrow at her. "You have some small fortune saved up for a good cause? Don't know if you should be telling me this, Miss Ritchi. I might rob you." He chuckled.

She chuckled too, nervously. She could easily let the whole thing slide, let him think she was talking about money. She really should just let it slide. "I meant...well, you know. I was the fee."

He gave her a quizzical look.

Geez, did she have to spell it out? "You know. I was the fee. Me."

His grin faded, his mouth slowly dropped open, and his eyes grew round as realization dawned. "You were going to... and you thought I would... how evil do you think I am?!" he sputtered.

"I don't know, you're the one who always goes on and on about how eeev-il you are!" she said defensively.

"That's why you wanted to talk to me in private? To offer your... your..." He waved his hands. "Services?"

She smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry. Especially after you've already taken people in, I... I was impressed." He still looked dismayed, his mouth turning down at the corners and his eyebrows scrunched together. She said, "Are you mad? You're insulted, aren't you."

"Oh, no, no, not at all," he said quickly. "Really. I'm...amazed. I guess I must have done a remarkable job convincing you of my evilness." Apparently he'd succeeded beyond his wildest imaginings. He shouldn't be surprised that Roxanne assumed he might take advantage of her desperate situation. There were plenty of unscrupulous criminals who would have demanded it of her.

She'd been prepared to share his bed. This thought caused a squeezing sensation in his chest and made his knees wobbly.

Get it together, stupid, she was willing to endure your loathsome embrace as an alternative to horrific death, nothing more.

"I thought we..." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Had a sort of understanding. I mean... there's certain lines not to be crossed. I'd never take advantage of a helpless... not that you're helpless," he added. "But I'm not that kind of guy! Even with all the...the..."

"Flirting," she said.

"But, you know, as sort of a way to pass the time..." His voice faded to a mumble.

Roxanne put her hand on her forehead. "Hoo boy," she muttered, feeling the heat rise to her cheeks. A way to pass the time. "So you were never really interested in me."

"I didn't say that," he cried. "I am interested, I mean, I would have been interested, but I can't very well... you know... you were taken. And tied up. I couldn't just... That's just wrong. I meant that for you flirting was a way to pass the time, and get back at me, using your feminine wiles, not that I blame you a bit, I'd have done the same thing in your position."

"What, use your feminine wiles?"

He stared at her for a moment, then they both laughed. "Maybe my masculine wiles," he chuckled, rolling his eyes.

They walked to the hovercraft. He said, "Um, so was it? Just a way to pass the time?"

She gave him a long, considering look, then shrugged. "Eh. Maybe at first."

His heart gave a frantic flutter. At first? How about now? Her feelings changed? Did she like him? Or at least not hate him? How could she possibly like someone who did what he had done to her? Perhaps she was being kind. Yes, that was probably it.

He had no right to expect anything more. The universe had granted him a great gift, Roxanne Ritchi alive and well, and he didn't dare ask for more. But that damn ray of hope in his soul would not go away.

He could, at least, let her know a little bit about how much he cared. "When I couldn't find you at work or your apartment, it was almost the end of me."

She gave him a surprised look. "Oh. I didn't know you tried to find me."

"I needed to see you were safe." His heart rate speeded up again. Oh no. He shouldn't have said any of that. Now maybe she'd feel obligated to...to... he didn't know what she might feel obligated to do. Get away from him as quickly as possible, maybe.

He could feel potential awkwardness descending. He'd better say something, quick. He straightened his shoulders, adopting a pseudo-evil air. "Sooo," he said, smiling devilishly at her. "If only I'd held out a little longer to hear what you had to say, this night would be turning out quite a bit differently." He waggled his eyebrows. "You'd be coming to my room."

She laughed. "I might as well, everybody thinks I'm sleeping with you anyway."

He burst out laughing. "Ahahahaha. Yeah. Might as well. Stupid, isn't it? That's funny. Talk about crazy. That's a good one. Ah-heh." He managed to stop before he became a complete babbling idiot.

Somehow he managed to get his voice back to normal. "Bed's a little small, though. Twin size. I don't know why the smallest is called a twin, why don't they just call it a single?" That was a good seeg-way, a good transition to safer, noncontroversial ground.

"You really should get beds for everyone, you know. It ought to be easy. Dehydrate them from a hotel or something, bring them to the Lair."

He flung his hands up. "I know, I will, It's on my never ending, constantly expanding list of one thousand and one things to do! Once I get a few more hovercrafts built, a few more people trained in, there can be more expeditions. And beds. We do need more beds."


Back at the Lair, most of the lights had been turned down, and the place was in semi-darkness. Most people were tucked away under blankets on the floor. A few parents were trying to get children to settle down.

Megamind was accosted by Doris, who seemed to have something extremely urgent on her mind. Megamind cast one last, exasperated look at Roxanne before turning to the old woman with strained patience.

When Roxanne came out of the new bathroom, having finally gotten a shower (she folded her bra up in her old clothes to wash them tomorrow), she ran into Noelle. "Going to bed?" the other woman said with a sniff. Her eyes darted in the direction of Megamind's room.

Roxanne felt her anger flare. How's that for gratitude? Don't give me those moralizing eyerolls. If it wasn't for me, you and your kiddies would still be stuck in that lobby.

"Yes, Noelle, I am," she said. "If you or your children need anything in the night, you know where to find me." With that she strode across the floor to Megamind's room and went in. She was glad Agnes and Pilar had konked out and didn't see her. Roxanne could sneak back to her blankets before her friends noticed her absence.

She leaned on the door and bit her lip. Okay, she was definitely trespassing. And for what? To rub it in Noelle's face that...

Well, shit, she wasn't even sure what kind of point she'd been trying to make. The other woman had just been so superior, and Roxanne couldn't resist the urge to shock her. To prove that she wouldn't be ruled by someone else's judgmental attitude.

When she peeked out, Noelle walked past. Three sets of shelving away, but she would see Roxanne creeping out.

Roxanne shut the door quickly. Goddamn it, was Noelle spying on her? But no, it looked as though she had been heading for the Lair entrance. To visit her cop hubby Hank in his tent, presumably.

Roxanne looked around the room. It was rather small, smaller than her own room at home, with a closet that was hanging open, a dresser, a desk covered with tools, and, yes, a twin bed with rumpled blankets. A plastic protective mat was under the desk. Both mat and desk were covered with burn marks and old stains.

She wandered around and looked at the bookshelf. What did a supervillain read to pass the time? There were manuals for different cars, and a lot of technical-looking books, some of them with titles in different languages, including... Cyrillic? Okay, so he apparently could read Russian. Interesting.

A row of white and pink paperbooks caught her eye. She selected one, and put her hand to her mouth to stifle a giggle. Love Comes to Sunrise Valley. Megamind had the entire Wild Flowers romance series. Maybe she could introduce him to something less tacky.

Kind of surprising there wasn't a TV in here, though there was an elaborate radio set-up on the desk. No windows, either. A Lynyrd Skynyrd poster and four calendars on the walls, one with scenes of lighthouses, were the only decorations.

She sat on the chair, but it was rickety and made her back ache, so at last she straightened out the messy bed and lay on top of the blankets. She'd have to wait long enough to make sure Noelle had gone to her sleeping place.

A minute later she was fast asleep.


Megamind would have cut Doris off a lot sooner, but he was so tired all he could do was nod and occasionally grunt to show he was listening, and pray for a merciful death.

He had completely lost track of the topic. He was nodding along when something she said broke through the fog. "Wait. What? Uncles? Who's sleeping where?"

Doris pressed her thin lips together. "I said, that your uncles have taken over one of the... the private rooms."

He sighed heavily. He really did not want to be having this conversation. "Isn't it tiring, Doris, keeping track of everybody's business?"

"Excuse me, I was only trying to..."

"Lenny and Sid are a couple, Doris. Been together for years." He scowled. "What gives you the right to judge them? I have half a mind to..."

"Mister Megamind," she broke in coldly. "My own dear brother was a homosexual. I resent that you are so quick to assume that I am a small-minded bigot."

Megamind felt more exasperated than ever. "Then what, exactly, is the problem?"

She put her hands on her hips. "They are sleeping in there. Sleeping. That is against the rules. Your rules, I would like to remind you. You said no one was allowed to spend the night in those rooms, because it wouldn't be fair to others. And they already have perfectly good cots out here."

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I will talk to them in the morning. All right? Good enough?"

He smiled in a brittle way and fled before she could complain about something else. He didn't want to know how she knew what Lenny and Sid were doing. He should probably dehydrate her for a while for being a pushy old snoop, but then her grandkids would be on their own, and he didn't have the heart.

He went to his room, was surprised to see the light was on (I must have left it on, he thought), and stopped short at the sight of Roxanne lying in his bed.

With speed and precision, he stepped back out and shut the door. He stared at his hand, still gripping the doorknob.

What. How had. Had he. Somehow gotten turned around? Lost in his own Lair? Was this one of the private rooms? And Roxanne had willfully decided to take it over?

But those had full sized beds. His own bed was a twin. Or a single. Or whatever the fuck it was called. This was the right corridor, wasn't it? There were the familiar shelves, three deep, leading to the main area and monitor station. There was the dynamite that...

Why was that still out? Minion should have stored that away in one of the safes. One of these damn kids would get a hold of it and blow the place up.

Once he'd established, based on solid, incontrovertible evidence, that he was, in fact, standing outside his own bedroom, he cautiously pushed open the door again.

Why was Roxanne lying on his bed? He replayed their conversation.

It had been a joke. They were joking about her staying in his room, he was certain. Or had been certain. Had he missed something? There was laughing, and camaraderie, and... well, he was joking. Had Roxanne...not understood? That seemed too ridiculous to be true, and yet, here she was.

She could sleep anywhere she wanted as far as he was concerned, but...

Okay, this was too weird. He tiptoed out.


The knock at the door was so faint that Minion almost missed it. He put down the toothbrush he'd been using to clean some gunk out of his knee joint and went to the door. To his surprise it was Megamind. The knock had been so timid, very unlike Sir. He'd thought it was one of the guests.

"Oh, hi, Sir. What's up?"

Megamind drifted in. "Filters working all right? No problems there?" He straightened the photo of the warden on the wall with a distracted air, and wandered over to the aquarium.

Minion nodded. Strange time to bring it up. "Checked 'em last week. They're good."

"Fine, fine." Megamind wandered over to the table, leaned on it, and elbowed a copy of Fish Fancy magazine onto the floor. He scooped it up and squared it up with the others. "How about your fish flakes? Well-stocked? I can save some Spam for you."

"I think I got enough fish flakes for the next decade. And Spam's too salty for me, Sir, thanks anyway." Minion frowned. Sir knew that.

Minion watched him absentmindedly pick up an extra robot arm and put it down again. "Did you need something, Sir? Only I was going to power down for a while."

Megamind fidgeted with a stack of DVDs, squaring them up. "I don't think I can go to bed. Um. Someone's in it."

Minion's eyes widened. That was very strange. Who would be so brazen as to take over Megamind's bed? Usually the guests were pretty careful about Sir's personal space, especially after the invisible car incident. Megamind's behavior was especially weird. Minion would have thought he'd be furious. Certainly he was capable of kicking an interloper out of his bed.

Maybe one of the toddlers had toddled in and fallen asleep. That must be it. Though he was a villain, he didn't like making babies cry. "One of the kids? I'll go get the little hoodlum, Sir, and bring 'em back to..."

"No!" Megamind shouted. "No," he said more calmly. "It's Miss Ritchi."

"Miss Ritchi."

"Sleeping in my bed."

"Oooo-kay."

Megamind ran a hand over his head, shifted from foot to foot, and crossed his arms. "Why do you think she's there?"

Minion looked at Sir's worried face, and general air of anxiety. Whatever was going on, Minion decided to stay out of it. "I've got an idea, Sir."

"An idea."

"Now, it's kind of crazy..."

Megamind looked alarmed. "Er. All right."

Minion leaned closer. "Why don't you..."

"Yes? What?"

"...ask her," he said, and grinned.

Megamind scowled. "Gee, thanks, Minion. I don't know what I'd do without you." He stalked out of the room.

"Glad I could help, Sir," he said cheerfully. "G'night!"

"You forgot to put the dynamite away," Megamind snapped, and slammed the door.


Insufferable ichthyoid! Fat lot of help! Ask a simple question, get a sly look and a bunch of sass. 'Why don't you ask her', ha ha, well, joke's on you, you simple simian, she's asleep, how'm I supposed to ask her when she's asleep? Should have put that infuriating fish in his place long ago, wouldn't have to put up with all this backtalk.

He strode to his room, and came to a stop at the closed door. Reminding himself firmly that it was his room, and that it was impossible for him to trespass in his own room, he went in. There she was, still sleeping, lying on her side with her hands tucked under her cheek and her soft lips slightly parted. He listened to her quiet breathing and considered the logistics.

He felt grimy, but pajamas were out. He could go change in the bathroom, but being in the same room with Roxanne with nothing but a thin layer of cotton protecting him from the situation made his knees wobbly again. So pajamas were a no go. He would sleep in his uniform again, no big deal. That'd give him two layers. He'd take off the gloves and spiked mantle, collar, cape, and holster, but that was it.

He circled the perimeter. She wasn't taking up that much space, really, he could sort of lie down on the other side. That would be all right, wouldn't it? If he kept his back to her?

She shivered and scrunched down a little more into the pillow. She was lying on top of the blankets. He reached out to tug one free so he could lay it over her, but hesitated. It might wake her up. She might even leave.

He stood there in miserable indecision. This was obviously a silly mistake. Her shoes were still on. She had come by to talk about another concern that had occurred to her and had fallen asleep by accident, waiting for him to get done talking with Doris. When she did awaken, she would be embarrassed. It would be so much worse if she discovered him lying next to her. He should wake her up.

But she looked so tired. Her hair had grown longer. He rubbed his jaw, wishing he'd shaved. They were all pretty scruffy looking these days. Carefully he brushed her bangs back from her eyes with his fingertips. She made a little 'mm' noise and he snatched his hand back. Maybe it'd be okay if she slept a little longer.

It was probably the last time she'd be in his room, let alone his bed.

All the spare blankets were in use. He went to the closet, got a clean cape, and spread it over her. Overhead light off, desk lamp on so the room wasn't in total darkness, good enough.

He got another cape, wrapped up in it, and lay down on the floor.