First off, I would like to wish everyone a very happy Sixth Anniversary of Megamind! The movie came out November 8, 2010. (It's a tad early, as today is Nov. 3, but close enough.) We all know the importance of six!
Some sharp-eyed fans noted that in the movie, the prices appear to be in metros rather than dollars, giving support to the theory that Metrocity is a city-state with its own currency (or maybe it was on some pre-production art, I don't quite remember). I have no idea how it meshes with the almighty dollar, but I'm putting the metro to use.
Many thanks to everyone who has been sending me ideas and suggestions, most notably joanhello, Elf-Kid 2.0, mollyscribbles, KBJones, and several others I probably missed. If I left you out, it is entirely the fault of my sloppy note keeping. A reviewer informed me that the "windmills" are actually wind turbines, which was quite useful.
Joanhello gave me many helpful suggestions about tunnels and pointed me toward some research websites.
The movie quote in this chapter, and the one who utters it, was suggested by KBJones. (Probably not how she envisioned it, but hopefully acceptable. :) )
Megamind called the doctor to deal with the new babies and mothers and wounded henchman, appointed someone to distribute the water bottles, ordered some brainbots to go out and find some portable toilets (the bathrooms, he was informed, were, like, really bad now).
Then he gave approval to a 'Have you seen me?' banner, gave someone else permission to put up a clothesline, fielded twenty questions about whether or not the water was back on, promised several other people that yes there would be another search and rescue operation for their loved ones but not just yet please be patient, and finally escaped to his bedroom.
He piled the dehydrated mattress cubes on his desk for Minion to sort out later. With a groan he flopped over the air vent in the floor by the wall, letting the coldness wash over him until his undersuit dried out and peeled away from his tortured skin. Whoever invented air conditioning was a saint.
The last few conversations caught up with him. Clothesline? What happened to the dryer? How the hell were they washing clothes?
He might have to kick everyone out temporarily so he could rebuild the interior. The walls were high enough for three stories of private rooms. People could finally have a little space to call their own, or at least a little space they only had to share with a few others instead of the entire population of the Lair.
He could hear the sounds of more people shuffling in. The noise level went up as the newbies asked questions, established guests gave directions, and everyone milled about like bewildered cattle. Once in a while Taffy the cat let off a piercing meow, asking to be let out of the box they'd put her in.
He cocked his head, listening for Roxanne's voice, but he couldn't make her out through the murmuring.
A blood-curdling shriek echoed off the rafters.
It shot straight into his hindbrain, down his spine, and into his legs. He leaped up and bolted out the door, drawing the de-gun as he ran, dodging small children, then skidded to a halt by the clothing distribution center (aka the extra card table).
Irina was locked in the embrace of a large man, both of them crying their eyes out.
Megamind looked around wildly. No blood, no zombies. "What happened? Who's dead?"
Roxanne put her hand on his arm, making him lower the de-gun. "I think you can put that away."
He holstered it and tried to get his heart out of his throat. "But what's the matter?"
"Offhand, I'd say it's a reunion." She was smiling, but tears shone in her eyes. She put her hand on his back, her gaze on the weeping couple. "I should be getting this on tape. I wonder if I can get an interview." Abruptly she stepped away, wiping her eyes. "God, I'm so awful. Once a reporter, always a reporter, I guess," she said with a shaky laugh.
Impulsively he seized her hand. "You're a great reporter," he said. And then stood there staring at her like an idiot.
Before he could untie his tongue, Irina and the man had come over to them. "This is my husband, Gil. Gil, this is the Overlord," Irina said, pointing at Megamind, as if there were any doubt who she was talking about.
Gil stuck out his hand, but when Megamind took it, the man pulled him into a crushing embrace. "Thank you, mister. Thank you," he said in a shaky voice. "I love you, man. I never thought I'd see her again."
"Uh. Yes. Right," Megamind said, tentatively patting his back.
Irina seized Megamind next, planting a tear-soaked kiss on his cheek. "God bless you, Overlord," she said, and hugged him even harder.
Now there was a sentence he never expected to hear. His ears burned. He could've sworn he felt Irina's baby kick. Her shoulders seemed to be the only safe place to put his hands. This was kind of long hug, wasn't it? Would it be rude to push a pregnant lady off him?
"Excuse me, Irina," Roxanne said. "Would you and your husband agree to an interview?"
Irina turned to Roxanne with a happy smile. Roxanne gave him a little nod and he knew it was time to go. They both had work to do.
Megamind cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted, "All mechanics, repairpersons, and anyone with any industrial skills whatsoever, report to the front of the Lair at once. If I'm going into the sewers, I'm not going alone!"
The neighborhood around the nearest pumping station was deserted, except for a dead dog that was too badly decomposed to be fed to the alligators. A few abandoned cars and the litter tossed around by the wind made Megamind feel as if they were the only people in the city.
A school bus was parked next to the pumping station. He inspected it, de-gun at the ready, prepared for the sight of zombie children lurching up from the seats and dreading it, but fortunately the bus was empty.
Except for a child's pink backpack trampled into the floor, with a brown footprint on it, which might have been dried blood. The emergency exit hung open, creaking in the wind. No clues as to who had left the bus there, or how many people were on it, or what had happened to them. Just another tragedy, a mystery that would probably never be solved.
He joined the crew looking into the open manhole. The rungs of the ladder disappeared into sluggish water.
"Oh, yeah," said the sewage man, scratching his beard. "The pumps that keep the service tunnels from flooding musta stopped. We're gonna have to wait for the water lines to come back on."
"Wait. What?" Megamind rubbed his temples. "I thought water was the problem." His headache was worse than before, and it wasn't helped by that damn bus staring at him. He glared at the empty windows.
"They're hydraulic pumps."
"So what do they run on? Diesel?" There was probably some left in the bus's tank, come to think of it, that was useful.
There was a little silence. The crew glanced at each other. "The pumps are powered by water," said the sewer man carefully. "On account of they're hydraulic. They're hooked up to the city's water system, so if that goes off, then they stop, too."
A hot blush spread over Megamind's face. "I meant... how long will it take for the tunnels to clear when the pumps are working again?"
It would take many hours for them to drain, even if Minion got the water running again immediately. They went back to the Lair.
Megamind was shaken by his mental lapse. Completely blanking on what hydraulic meant. Christ! That damn bus had distracted him. What the fuck had it been doing there, anyway? School had let out for the summer long before the quarantine, hadn't it?
Well, there was too much to do, and not enough time to do it. People were counting on him. He'd just have to do what he'd always done.
Power through.
He went to the computers to figure out which brainbots were doing what, and where they were doing it. It infuriated him, having to resort to the computer to make sure he didn't make a mistake. Normally he knew the exact location and assignment for each brainbot, but currently he was having trouble keeping track of them.
Dr. Plant appeared at his side. "One of the babies is dangerously dehydrated. We don't have any I.V.s, so Brenda will have to nurse him at frequent intervals. Since she's breastfeeding for three, she must be monitored closely. We have to make sure she gets plenty of food and water."
Megamind huffed out a breath. "Can't the other mothers... you know... start producing again?"
"No. Once the milk dries up, it's gone. I strongly recommend finding some formula as soon as you can. It'll take the load off her. And could we get to a hospital soon? Or my clinic? Even if you could loan me a car..."
"Most streets are crap right now. Full of garbage and abandoned cars," he said shortly. "Once you get close to Main, you'll have to turn around and come back anyway. That reminds me." He stopped and called out to the room. "The hovercraft blueprints! Who's got them?"
One of the mechanics waved across the way, and Megamind headed over.
Doris, aaargh, not Doris again, bustled up with some pasty-faced person trotting along behind her.
"Overlord, this is Pastor Mike," she said, eyes shining.
"Fascinating." Megamind kept walking. "Can he do anything useful?"
Doris gasped, but he had no time for one of her outraged speeches.
The mechanic met him halfway. Megamind said, "Get the welding equipment out, and those tool trolleys." He pointed them out by the invisible car. "We'll start dismantling the mechanical shark tonight and begin the framework."
Pastor Mike coughed gently. "Actually, I have a degree in counseling. I'm trained for helping people cope with trauma."
Megamind sized the man up. He was skinny but had a jowly face, which made him look like he'd been squeezed into his pastoral collar. Not someone Megamind would want to confide in, but he supposed the garb was comforting to some people. "You've come to the right place, padre. Take your pick. Plenty of trauma."
"Uh, thank you. Actually, I've already spoken with a few folks who..."
"Then what the hell are you pestering me about it for?" Megamind snapped. "Just keep doing what you're doing."
The pastor gave him a mournful look. "Well, I thought it a good idea to meet, so that we could discuss..."
Megamind spotted Bernard heading toward him, carrying a stack of printouts. He waved an impatient hand. "Yes, yes, whatever it is, I'm sure it's fine. Set up a newsletter, run your little prayer group, just do it quietly." He took a few steps away to end the conversation.
Somewhere Bernard had found a razor. It must have been a dull one, as bits of tissue were stuck to his newly shaven face. "You seriously let in more people? I barely got started on the death certificates. What do you want first, the ID's for the dead or a comprehensive list of Lair members?"
"Members? What is this, a country club?"
"Well, what do you want to call..." Bernard waved a hand around at the crowds. "...all of us?"
"Denizens. Lairs have denizens. Get everyone's name, age, health concerns, relations, et cetera."
Bernard heaved a sigh, rolled his eyes, and muttered something about only having two hands, which Megamind ignored. He turned over a page on the stack to reveal a small photo of a dead person stapled in the corner. "You were in the morgue?"
Bernard's eyes widened. "Are you crazy? I don't go in there. Noelle brought out some notes, I typed 'em up, attached the photos." He shuddered. "I don't want to see any more dead bodies. The photos are bad enough."
While they were talking, another one of the newcomers had approached, clutching several shirts from the extras table. "These are from my store," he said, voice rising. "You looted my store!"
Megamind grimaced and scratched his head. "Oh. This is awkward. But, to be fair, I thought whoever owned the place might be dead."
"Well, I'm not!"
Megamind put on his servant-of-the-public face. It had worked pretty well at the water plant. "See it as providing a valuable service. Some people were covered in vomit and zombie guts. They had to change into something. Don't you feel better knowing you helped out? However unwittingly?"
"No! You know how much the mall charges for rent?"
Megamind decided to delegate. He seized Bernard's arm and pulled him in front of the indignant store owner. "Here, take it up with my complaint department."
"Hey-what?-wait-" Bernard said.
"I'll pay," Megamind hissed in his ear. "Three hundred metros a week. And remember," he continued, as Bernard opened his mouth to protest, "that includes room, board, and protection from getting eaten alive by the undead. And you're living in the Lair of a supervillain. Just think about what this'll do for your blog. You can't tell me that hasn't occurred to you."
Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed more refugees drifting over, clearly with anxious questions to ask. "Keep these people occupied."
Bernard still looked unhappy, but sullen ambition gleamed in his eye. "Okay," he muttered.
As he made his escape, he heard Bernard say, "You have insurance, don't you?"
Megamind gathered a brainbot crew to bring out one of the wind turbines. Minion had called and said he expected the generators at the water plant to be operational soon, but Megamind wanted the turbine in place.
The heat smacked into him as he left the Lair. It was like breathing hot cotton.
Several mechanics had come along to assist and observe. He led the way to the secret shed down the street. Purple storm clouds inched across the sky, reaching for the blazing sun. Thunder rumbled faintly.
It was the hottest part of the day and heat boiled off the concrete. Damn it, damn it, damn it all to fucking hell, he'd forgotten to take a water bottle.
He directed the 'bots to unlock the shed. More of a hangar, really.
"Wow, it's really hot out," Gabby said. "Can we wait in the shade?"
He flapped a hand at them. "Go ahead." He leaned on his knees, taking shallow breaths, his headache pulsing through his skull.
"Aren't you coming, Overlord? I really think you should come, too."
He scowled at her. "In a second."
A loud crash made him straighten up abruptly, but it was just the heavy door getting flung open a little too hard by the brainbots.
Dizziness washed over him and the ground tilted. Oooh, that's not good. Stood up too fast. He took three steps to the right before his knees buckled.
Somebody yelled, "Oh, shit! Somebody catch him! He's..."
The lights went out.
When he opened his eyes, he was floating in the lake with his head pillowed on someone's lap. Waves lapped at the shore.
Gabby was shoveling water down the front of his shirt. He hissed in a breath as another arctic handful hit his chest. 'That's cold, you imbecile, stop that at once,' was what he meant to say, but his mouth wasn't working properly, so what came out was a wordless groan.
"Hey, he's awake," Gabby cried. "He's awake!"
More people waded close, expressing their relief. Smiling faces hovered over him, and a few brainbots. One of them flew down, and he held up a bare hand. They'd stripped off his gloves, along with, he noticed, his cape, collar, and spiked mantle. The brainbot put out a pincer and squeezed his bare fingers, bowging in an anxious tone. Word would spread among the brainbots, settling their fears, though Minion would have been alerted by his collapse by now. The loyal henchfish was probably racing back.
"Whoa, dude! We thought you were a goner," a voice said over his head.
The brief hope that he was lying in Roxanne's lap dissipated. He squinted up at Luke. Who was bare-chested.
"Go ahead and let me drown," he mumbled.
"Classic Overlord," Luke said cheerfully. "Sarcasm." He took the wet cloth off Megamind's head, dunked it in the lake again, and put it back on his forehead.
Megamind swiped at the water running into his eyes. "What do you mean sarcasm?" For some reason this was a big hit. Everyone laughed.
A terrible thought struck him. He touched the cloth on his head. "Is this your shirt?"
"You got it, man. Gabby said we had to get your skin wet, and you got like twenty layers on and we couldn't find the zipper. So I got my shirt off, and boom!"
Megamind pulled it off and struggled to sit up. "Going back to the Lair," he said, with as much dignity as he could muster while flailing about in knee-deep water. No cape, no gloves, he was lucky he still had his damn boots, he felt half-naked.
"Where's my de-gun?" he cried, grabbing at the empty holster. Another wave of dizziness flooded him and he would have fallen if Luke hadn't grabbed him.
"Tyler's got it," Gabby said. "We thought it wasn't supposed to get wet."
Two of the men made a seat with their arms and carried him back to the Lair. Slightly more dignified than being carried in someone's arms like a baby, but barely. Megamind kept his gaze fixed on his knees as they passed into the coolness of the Lair. Worried murmurs sprang up around them.
He cringed internally when he heard one of Roxanne's friends calling for her. His humiliation was almost complete. He should have told them to use the back entrance.
"Hey, wait," Luke called, running up with garbage bags. "Lemme go in first. The bed'll get wet." He disappeared into the bedroom.
They edged him sideways through the door. Luke finished laying the plastic over the bed and he lay down, leaking water. Several concerned citizens crowded in, while others peered in.
"Want your boots off, Overlord?" said Luke.
Megamind jerked his foot out of his hands. "Go away. Put a shirt on."
Dr. Plant squeezed in, closely followed by Britney, of all people. He let the doctor feel his forehead and bother him with questions. Yes, he'd had a headache. Sweating? Buckets. No nausea or vomiting, but he'd felt light-headed, smartly followed by passing out.
"Heat exhaustion," the doctor announced. "You've been running around in 95 degree heat, suffocating humidity, in a close-fitting black outfit. I'm amazed you didn't pass out sooner." She straightened up. "Could we clear the room, people? Please!" She made shooing motions and began ushering people out.
Britney took over the space the doctor had vacated, kneeling by the bed. He pulled back against the pillow, feeling a sudden urge to yank the blankets up. She was starting to creep him out.
She smiled gently. "You really need to take better care of yourself. I could help. Do you need a personal assistant?" She laid her fingers on his upper arm.
"I already have Minion." He pushed her hand away. "Stop that. Everyone quit touching me right now!"
Roxanne came in. At the sight of Britney she stopped short. Her face stiffened.
The two women locked gazes. Around them, people slowed on their way out, watching them out of the corners of their eyes.
"Hi," Britney said. "I'm here to help. Whatever you need, let me know and I'll take care of it for you."
Roxanne stared at her. And then she smiled, sharp and bright. "You are forgetting your place, Britney."
Britney's smile vanished. "What?" she said, blinking.
Chuckling, Roxanne shook her head. "Oh, I see. You don't understand. What I meant was, get out of my room."
Megamind drew a careful breath. With her chin raised and eyes flashing, she looked so magnificently ee-vil he didn't dare move in case he broke the spell.
Frowning, Britney looked from her to Megamind. "Your room? But..."
"Now," Roxanne said.
Megamind almost hoped Britney would refuse so he could see what Roxanne would do next. But confusion over Roxanne's declaration along with that terrible smile sent Britney scurrying on her way.
The others hurried out as well. Dr. Plant was the last to leave. "Dunking you in the lake may have saved your life. Heat exhaustion can quickly become heat stroke, which is far more dangerous. It can happen again much more quickly when you're susceptible, which you will be for some time. Drink lots of water and stay out of the sun. I recommend a week's bedrest."
"A week?!" Megamind shouted, sitting up. The room spun. He grabbed the bed to keep from falling out of it.
Dr. Plant and Roxanne eased him back down again. "Megamind, you're no good to anyone dead," Roxanne said. "Just rest. For today. See how you feel tomorrow."
The doctor nodded. "If you need me, I'll either be in the morgue or in my sleeping space, by that big unicorn head."
"The Equestrinator," Megamind snapped. "How come nobody ever gets it right?"
"I think it's the pink horn," Roxanne said. She closed the door behind the doctor, and walked over to sit on the edge of the bed. "If you wanted to get me alone, you could have done it a little less dramatically."
He rolled over, too embarrassed to face her. "Didn't plan to fall on my face."
"I know."
"I'm a super-fast healer, you know."
"Yes, you are."
"And now you're humoring me," he complained.
"You're trying to start a fight. Not gonna work." She patted his arm.
The door banged open and Minion rushed in. He took Megamind's hand in both of his big ones, forehead creased with worry. After Megamind assured him he would live, Minion said, "Don't scare me like that. You push yourself too hard. And you don't rest enough. And..."
"You don't get enough rest, either," Megamind said.
"That's different. I probably won't get overheated." He sighed and shook his little body. "Well, how'd it go with the sewers?"
Megamind told him about the flooded service tunnels. "Might as well wait until tomorrow. We'll have to use the port-a-potties until then. I'll just rest up until my big debut."
"Your what?"
"The photo-op. The exchange of pleasantries with the army, my grand revelation to the world as Overlord."
Roxanne and Minion glanced at each other.
"We'll discuss it tomorrow," Roxanne said.
"Fine. Tomorrow then." He caught those looks they were giving each other. If they thought he was going to let himself be taken in by all this coddling and fussing, they could think again.
Roxanne left so Minion could get Megamind cleaned up and changed.
Several people were hanging out in the corridor, waiting for an update. She assured them the Overlord was resting, and then, because they seemed to need something to do, she asked them to bring him some food and water.
She made her way to a secluded area between some shelves and slid down to the floor, wrapping her arms around her stomach.
The panic that had risen within her when Agnes came running with news of Megamind's collapse was a small hard knot in her chest. She'd barely had time to acknowledge the fear before being confronted by the sight of Britney leaning over him like a damn vampire.
She pressed a shaky hand over her mouth. He's going to be all right. He overdid it, but he's going to be okay. She took several deep breaths, listening to the bustle of the Lair.
Pilar peeked around the corner. "You okay?"
Roxanne sighed. "Yeah, I think I just needed a little time to process."
"You mean your boyfriend passing out, or that chick practically climbing into bed with him?"
Roxanne gasped. "She wasn't that bad. Geez. It's all over the Lair, isn't it?"
Agnes and Pilar slipped into the narrow space and sat down across from her, hugging their knees. "No secrets around here," Agnes said with a grin. "Everyone's talking about how you threw her out, too."
Roxanne bit her lip, pleased. "I hope they don't talk in front of her, though. It might spur her on."
Pilar shrugged. "Well, she might have heard people talking."
"She's got no shame," Agnes said. "I'd keep an eye on him, if I were you. Especially when he's laid up."
He was sleeping heavily when she checked on him. She smiled at the hazmat symbols on his pajamas.
She was supposed to be conducting more interviews, but found herself reluctant to leave Megamind alone, with Britney on the prowl. Minion had other chores to finish.
It would be too weird to ask her friends to guard Megamind, so she asked his uncles, Lenny and Sid, to take turns sitting with him.
"We won't let anyone bother 'im, honey. Especially not no blonde chicks," Uncle Sid said with a wink.
"Overlord should have bodyguards anyway," Uncle Lenny said. He ran a stony look around the Lair. "Real bodyguards, not us old farts."
Roxanne went back to her interviews. After the happy interview with Irina and Gil, the other three people she spoke with had far more tragic stories to tell. Having them relive their trauma and grief left Roxanne emotionally drained.
It was evening. Supper had ended. Rain pattered on the roof and flashes of lightning flickered in the Lair's high windows. Thunder crashed. Children ran around the darkened corridors, waving flashlights at each other.
"Five more minutes," Doris called. "Then we put them away. Don't want to waste the batteries."
Lenny and Sid were standing in the corridor, looking uncomfortable. Megamind was up and out of bed arguing with Minion, standing by the closet with one of his villainous outfits in hand. "I'm going," Megamind said.
"Sir, I can handle this. Please go back to bed."
"Zombies at the border. It's time to defend!" Megamind said, drawing himself up as Roxanne came in. His eyes were sunken and his hands shook slightly, but he radiated righteous indignation. "I'm going."
"No, you won't," Minion snapped.
"Yes, I will. I am feeling much, much better."
Roxanne said, "Megamind, go lie down or else."
"Or else what?" he said with a sneer.
"Or else I'll have Doris come in here and lecture you on proper rest and hydration."
He stiffened. "You're bluffing."
"Try me."
They glared at each other. Megamind worked his jaw, and then, with quick, angry movements, he put the outfit away, shut the closet door, and went back to bed, snapping the covers up to his chin and turning his back on them.
Minion watched him, then leaned toward Roxanne. "Please stay forever," he murmured. More loudly, he announced, "I'll let you know how it goes, Sir."
"Don't get electrocuted," Megamind said, without turning around. "And check on the fire station."
Minion stopped at the door. "What fire station?"
Megamind rolled over. "Some people took refuge in the 45th Street station. They came here for help. Must have gone back by now." He flung back the covers. "How about I just..."
"Lie down!" Roxanne and Minion said.
Megamind flopped onto his back and glared at the ceiling, crossing his arms in a huff. "Ganging up on me. Should be against the law," he grumbled. "Ganging up on the Overlord is against the law," he shouted at Minion's back.
Roxanne sat gingerly on the rickety chair and listened to the rain for a while. She looked over the bookshelf. "Mind if I read?"
Megamind grumbled something that might have included 'go ahead', and she picked up the first volume of the Wild Flower romance series.
Megamind tossed and turned, curling up in a ball, moving from one side to the other, and lying on his back again. "Zombie attack in the middle of a thunderstorm," he said plaintively. "And I'm not there."
"Mm-hm." Roxanne didn't look up from the book. It was really pretty good. There was an actual plot. She stretched her back. The story was almost good enough to make her forget how uncomfortable the damn chair was. Leaning on the desk helped.
He wriggled around again, kicking at the bedclothes. "I was made for zombie attacks in thunderstorms."
Thunder boomed again, so loudly it made the walls vibrate. The cat wailed thin little heart-breaking cries.
Megamind rolled his head around on the pillow. "I can at least work an all-clear order to the 'bots to recognize the cat as a guest. Then they can let her out of the box. I can do it from bed with the laptop."
Roxanne fetched it for him out of the desk drawer. She went back to the book and occasionally watched him work, fingers typing away.
"You know, this isn't half bad," she said.
He glanced at her, then did a double take, not having noticed, in the midst of his own agony, her selection of reading material. He hunched over the keyboard again, as if he hoped the books would cease to exist if he refused to acknowledge them.
"Nothing to be embarrassed about," she said.
"'M not," he muttered. His eyes darted toward her. "You won't tell anyone, will you?"
"Okay." She decided not to remind him that about half the Lair had recently been in his room, and someone else might have noticed the row of pink books. She turned the page. The heroine actually had a personality. The hero was also, surprisingly, not a hypermasculine jerk. But maybe the few romance novels she'd read weren't good representations of the genre.
He finished up his work shortly before Minion came back. Raindrops glistened on his gorilla fur.
Megamind stretched and grinned in triumph. "Tell them to release Taffy from her imprisonment. There shouldn't be any more problems with the brainbots."
Minion smiled. "That's great, Sir." His fins and dorsal spines drooped, and his eyes looked puffy. He made his report. The zombie attack had been a small one. They'd brought back the corpses and dehydrated them, and visited the fire station.
"They look pretty well dug in, Sir. It doesn't even look like anyone's living there. Gave 'em a comm, gave one to the folks at the water plant, too." He yawned. "You need anything else, Sir? You, Miss Ritchi?"
He pressed his forehead to Megamind's, and then to Roxanne's surprise, he came over to her next and began to lean over. Then he stopped and straightened up quickly, his half-closed eyes opening wide. "Oh, I didn't mean to... sorry, Miss Ritchi, I... see, Sir and I, we usually... I didn't mean to impose..." A faint green blush spread over his face.
Roxanne put her hand on his forearm. "No, you're not imposing, Minion. I was just a little surprised. It seems like... kind of a private thing, from what I've seen. The forehead touch."
Minion glanced at Megamind as if checking to see if it was all right. Megamind shrugged and nodded.
Minion twiddled his fingers together. "I...I guess I kind of feel like you're family."
"In that case I'm honored." She tugged at Minion's arm, who obligingly leaned down, and she pressed her forehead to the coolness of the containment unit.
Minion grinned, pleased. "G'night, Miss Ritchi. Sir."
"What does this mean?" she asked, once Minion had gone.
"Means we're married now."
Roxanne lunged at him. He flung up his arms. "I was kidding! I'm an invalid! No hitting!"
Roxanne went to brush her teeth. When she came back, Megamind was arranging a blanket on the floor.
"Thanks, Megamind, I'm beat." Her eyebrows went up as he lay down on it. "What do you think you're doing?"
"Bed's yours. Couple of damp spots around the edges, but it's pretty good."
"Megamind, you fainted today."
"A minor incident, that's all."
"You are not sleeping on the floor."
"It's my floor, and my bed, and I'll sleep where I want."
"I had the bed last night. It's your turn."
He curled up and closed his eyes.
She put her hands on her hips. "Get back in that bed right now!"
"You can't make me. And don't bother threatening me with Doris again, I know for a fact she's asleep."
"Well, I'm not sleeping there." Jaw clenched, she pulled the last blanket off the bed and clicked off the overhead light, leaving the desk lamp on. She spread the blanket on the floor and lay down in the semi-darkness.
"So nobody gets the bed?" he said incredulously.
She turned her back on him. She could tell he was still staring at her, propped up on one elbow, but she didn't answer. After a few moments, he lay back down again.
They lay in angry silence for several minutes. The rain stopped. A baby cried in the distance, and then quieted.
I am not turning around, she thought furiously. Stubborn idiot.
The absurdity of it made tears spring to her eyes. The entire city turned into a giant prison, people suffering and dying out in the dark, her friends and co-workers missing, her parents missing, and they were playing these stupid games.
She sniffled. Megamind rolled over and she could feel his uncertainty as a disturbance in the air.
At last he said quietly, "Are you all right?"
She wiped her nose on her wrist. "Just thinking."
There was another pause, though shorter than the last one. "Want to talk about it?"
She looked over her shoulder. He lay on his back with his hands clasped over his belly. His eyes darted to her, then went back to the ceiling.
"I'm just out of sorts," she said, lying on her back, too. Their elbows almost touched. "It's what everyone's going through. Nothing special."
"But what are you going through?"
She bit her lip. "I'm thinking about my friends, and where are they now? My brother and sister, wondering if I'll ever see them again."
"They live here?"
"No. My sister's in Florida. Brother's in San Francisco." She tangled her fingers in the blanket. "But my parents live in town." She wiped her face. "I couldn't get a hold of them."
"I'll do whatever I can to help you look for them."
She drew a shuddering breath. "Thanks. Feel a little guilty. Like my family's gotten bumped to the top of your missing-persons list."
"It's been a while since my last real search and rescue expedition. High time for another one."
She felt lonely and miserable, and, well, they were officially dating. And sharing a sleeping space. So much for her rules. "Will you hold me?"
He stared at her, eyes wide in the dark. "Um, okay."
She remembered how he'd snapped at everyone to quit touching him, and bit her lip. "I mean, if you want to. Maybe you're touched out."
He chuckled, his face twitching into a nervous smile. "Oh. Yeah, I'm not used to so much grabbyness. Usually in the past, people have avoided touching me, unless they had to. Like doctors, in the emergency room. Or people who intended to hurt me. So I... I guess I'm a little... I tend to avoid it. Discourage it."
"We don't have to..."
"But I don't mind if you want to," he said hastily. "I mean, I'd like that, I think. I mean, I'm sure I will, I just..." His voice sounded a little panicky. He rubbed his eyes. "Um. You know when I said I was new at this? I am, like, really new. At all of it. That sounds stupid. But I have literally never had a girlfriend before, in any way, shape, or form. I'm not used to... to affectionate romantic touching."
"You'd like a few pointers?"
"Exactly," he said, sounding relieved. "So if you could, sort of, give me a hint once in a while? If I get too... too standoffish? Say, if you needed a hug but I didn't pick up on it. Or, conversely, if I get too clingy or pushy or there's inappropriate hand-holding, or...you know. Anything."
"I'll try to remember you're not a mind-reader," she said with a smile. "You've really thought a lot about this."
"Overthinking's my hidden power."
It was her turn to chuckle. "So far you've been doing fine with boundaries. I don't mind a little public hand-holding. This goes both ways, you know. If you're not comfortable with something I'm doing, you need to tell me, okay?"
His gaze dropped to his hands before returning to her. He nodded.
"Sure you're okay with holding me now?"" she said. "I don't want anything else."
"Completely okay." He tapped his thumbs together. "Do I... I lie flat here, or...?"
"Yeah. Hold your left arm out so I can put my head on your shoulder."
He looked a little startled when she slipped under his blanket, as if he hadn't quite realized what holding her would involve, but he wrapped his arms around her immediately when she lay down. She put her hand over his other shoulder. After some shifting around, they got comfortable.
She was tempted to run her hand over his chest, just a little, but decided it would be too much of a mixed signal, given current parameters. Oh, wow, I'm more scientific already, she thought dryly.
He rubbed her shoulder. "Is this helping?"
"Immensely." She gave him a little squeeze. She'd enjoyed their earlier embraces, but he'd been fully armored, and his spikes, while not actually sharp, had required her to be careful as to how hard she could hug him. He was much cuddlier in his PJs. "How about you? You have other uncles?"
"There was another at the prison, Uncle Harry. He was a zombie. There was only one way to end it."
She lifted her head to look at him. "That must have been awful."
He closed his eyes against an inner pain. "I've shot so many zombies. Sometimes I forget they used to be people. Or I try to forget, because I think it'll make it easier to pop them off. And then I'll see they're still wearing jewelry or make-up, or a shirt with their favorite basketball team on it. And I'll remember that somebody turned them into monsters. Someone created this virus." One of his hands tightened into a fist, and then he sighed and relaxed.
"But in a way," he said slowly, as if feeling his way, "In a way, it says something about the existence of the soul, doesn't it? Because even though the body is still moving, the person that they were is gone. To another, better place, I hope." He made an exasperated noise in his throat and lifted his hands. "And... and I don't know what I'm trying to say. What are we staying alive for, anyway?"
"For each other, I think," Roxanne said. "I think we're staying alive for each other. Not just you and me. All of us."
He was silent for a little while. "Even assholes?"
She burst out laughing, and pressed her face into his pajama shirt, her body shaking. Giggling, she got up on her elbow to look at his grinning face. "I admit there may be exceptions, but I believe my theory has merit."
"You could be on to something there," he said as she settled down onto him again. "Any place I see overrun by zombies, I don't want to leave anyone behind."
"Well, there you go, then," she said, yawning. She wasn't sure if what she'd said was completely true. You couldn't live your life entirely for others, of course. You had to have your own existence. But other people could help bring meaning to that existence.
She yawned again. She'd be more coherent in the morning.
He struggled to stay awake so he could enjoy this glorious feeling of Roxanne sleeping on his chest and shoulder, and his arms around her with her hair soft on his cheek. He would cherish every touch, every gesture. She was worried she might make him uncomfortable? As if!
Her reading his copy of Wild Irish Rose was more than a little embarrassing. When she was in the bathroom he'd been tempted to take a quick peek at it to see how far she'd gotten. She'd left it lying open and facedown on the desk...but what if she was reading one of the... the steamier passages? He didn't think he could handle it.
So here they were, lying on the hard floor. Their argument seemed so ridiculous now, but it was too much trouble to wake her up and move to the bed.
On the floor, just like everybody else, he thought, only now remembering the dehydrated mattress cubes sitting on the desk, lending their glow to the half-light. They'd get it sorted out tomorrow.
Rats, he'd forgotten to tell her how he'd admired her deft handling of Britney. Roxanne had shown some excellent Evil Queen material right there. As he drifted into sleep, he wondered why Roxanne had taken such a dislike to her.
Will Megamind ever realize Britney's coming on to him? Will Roxanne beat her up? These are questions I ask myself.
I want to add some representatives from non-Christian religions, but Lutherans are the group I'm most familiar with, so that explains the pastor.
