"F-Fly?"
"There's no need to be scared, Skye. Flying is fun! See how Falkner is enjoying himself?"
"But what if I fall and-"
"Daddy will be there with you on pidgeot's back! Don't worry, you won't fall! Not with Daddy around!"
I still remember it, my fear of heights. It felt like a sick joke at first, that I was reincarnated into a family who loves flying types with a burning passion and nobody, including Falkner and Mum, could ever get me on the back of a flying type pokemon.
It was Dad who helped me overcome that fear and got me to share that same passion for flying.
"Alright, see how I place my hands and feet to hold onto pidgeot? Just follow my- right! That's it! Clever girl! Now stick your body close to pidgeot's back like this… Got it in one try! That's my girl!"
I could still remember my very first experience with flying. It was with Dad as we rode on the back of his pidgeot. I was so scared that I kept my eyes firmly shut throughout most of the flight. I held onto pidgeot's feathers so tightly that I was surprised that it wasn't angry at me for grabbing and pulling at its feathers in such a painful manner.
"Come on, Skye. Open your eyes! Look at the skies in front of us! Look at the clouds! Look at what we can see from here! Isn't it amazing?!"
"I-I-I'm scared!"
Yes, I might have memories of another life in this small little body but I was afraid of heights. Some things just simply don't go away even if you had another chance at life.
"Relax, Skye. Daddy's with you. Open your eyes. Look at what we can see from high above. Isn't this simply beautiful?"
It was then that I slowly opened my eyes a little to take a peek. I saw it. I saw how beautiful Violet City is from above. I saw how the clouds reflected the sun rays and how blue and limitless the sky seemed to be. I never felt so free, so liberated.
It was then I fell in love with flying through the skies.
"So how was it, your first flight? Did you enjoy it?"
"Y-Yeah! I want to go flying again, Dad!"
"Atta girl! You overcome your fear of heights in just one day! That's my courageous little girl!"
It was awkward trying to act like the little girl that I'm supposed to be but I've long since decided to put my past behind. I truly love my family and I really respected Dad. He's a Gym Leader, one of the strongest trainers Johto has to offer. He's good at flying and seeing him and his flying types soaring through the skies is such a mesmerising sight.
I had really respected and loved him.
"Hey, Dad. Can we go flying again today?"
"Skye? Sorry, but-"
"You are going to be busy at the gym again, aren't you?"
It's always like this. He would spend a day or two at home and then be missing for weeks or even months on end. I know that he is a Gym Leader and that means that he is a very busy person, but he rarely spends any time at home at all. Well, I'm an adult, at least mentally. I can take it. But what about Falkner? Ciel? Mum?
To my Dad, is work really that important? Is it more important than family?
Over the years, that's the one thing that I can never understand. It's why we started to drift apart.
"Well, Daddy's a Gym Leader! I have an entire city to protect! Sorry, Skye, but I promise I'll be back earlier tomorrow."
It's annoying to keep hearing that same excuse after a while. It's always because Daddy's a Gym Leader. If being a Gym Leader means only spending a few days every few months with your family then I would rather not have a Gym Leader for a Dad.
I know this is childish because I'm supposed to be an adult despite having the physical age of a child, but I just want a Dad. A Dad that can spend more time with me and the family so that this family would feel more like a true family.
I don't need a Gym Leader. I need a Dad.
"You always say that. Don't make promises you cannot keep."
I have always been blunt with my opinions when it comes to Dad. He knows I'm not happy with how little time he spent with us but I always tried to do the mature thing and understand where he is coming from.
That doesn't mean I like it.
"E-Eh? You don't have to call me out like that!"
"I'm fine on my own, but Mum and Falkner miss you a lot. So try to come back earlier for their sake, okay?"
I'm supposed to be the adult here. I will be fine. But what about Ciel? He's still so young. He needs a Dad more than I do. Same goes for Falkner even if he is physically nine years older than me.
"Alright! Daddy promises you that!"
I know it will end up being a promise that he cannot keep, just like always, but I didn't call him out for it. I never did.
"That's it, Skye! Now get pidgeot to dive down- that's it! Atta girl!"
"Flying's pretty cool, Dad!"
"I know, right?!"
I realised that if Dad has barely any time to come home to spend time with us then I might as well find him in his gym. I would often practice how to fly on a pokemon's back with his pidgeot at the empty clearing behind his gym. If he has time he would pop by and check on me. I still don't get to see him much, but with this arrangement at least I get to see him a few times everyday and I get to fly.
At the very least, I get to spend time with my Dad.
"Hey Dad, do you think I can get a pokemon of my own?"
Flying with Dad's pidgeot makes me really want to have a flying type of my own. Since my father is the expert on flying types, I figured I might as well ask him if he thinks I am ready to take care of a pokemon by myself.
"Oh, if you promise to take good care of them Daddy does have a number of flying types I can possibly give out. Which one do you want?"
"A pidgey! Just like you and Falkner!"
There were many choices available back then but to me, my starter definitely has to be a pidgey, because my father and older brother's starters were pidgeys too. It's a family thing.
"Look Dad, look Dad! I just managed to get Crown to do a steep turn! Falkner helped!"
"Atta girl! At this rate you two are going you might very well surpass your old man someday! Haha!"
I never thought that far. I never wanted to be the best at flying, I just wanted to fly.
I just wanted to fly alongside my father and my brother. That was all I ever wanted.
"But you are a Gym Leader…"
"But you are my little girl! Do you know why your mother and I named you Skye?"
"Because you two are too lazy to think of a better name?"
I remembered rolling my eyes as I said that. Mum said that Dad was the one who named me. No matter how I thought about it he must have been too lazy to think of a better name and knowing about his obsession for flying, he simply settled for the name Skye. Just add the E behind the Sky and you get Skye. That's definitely something Dad would do.
"What? No! Of course not! It's because we want our little girl to reach further than the skies!"
"Dad. Just be honest. Did you seriously just think of how to name me on the spot the moment I was born?"
"Of course not!"
This arrangement of me visiting Dad at his gym continued. Falkner is often not at home because he is a trainer on his journey. Ciel was still too young to be outside of the house and Mum was taking care of him at home. If I had nothing to do at home I would go and visit the gym in hopes of being able to catch a glimpse of Dad. It's been harder and harder trying to even spot him because of how busy he is.
I haven't seen him in months.
"Daddy's home!"
"It's been five months, Dad. Five months."
"Ehehehe… Daddy's sorry, Skye. Where are your siblings?"
Mum had never been very healthy. She had passed away not long ago when Dad was away somewhere out of Violet City doing who knows what for the League. It was just Falkner, Ciel, and I who were there during her last moments. Dad wasn't even there by her deathbed and I was very, very unhappy about that. He knows my feelings on this matter.
Still, I tried to do the mature thing and not blame him for it, because he was out there doing some super secret work that the League tasked him to do and everything was just bad timing.
It still doesn't stop that ugly feeling from growing deep within my heart, the ugly side of me which wanted to blame him for not being by his wife's side during her last moments. Mum is his wife.
"Falkner went out to train, Ciel is still in childcare. How long are you going to stay this time?"
After Mum died it was up to Falkner to hold this family together. He took on the role of father, mother, and older brother all in one at the age of fifteen and I really respect and love him for it. I tried to help him whenever and wherever I could but I was only six. There's a limit to how much help I can give him at this age.
"Uh… about that…"
From Dad's response, probably just a day or two.
He could easily tell that I was not happy about his answer. Since it was only the two of us at home, he brought me out to stroll along Violet City while we walked to the childcare to fetch Ciel home. We were doing some window shopping along the way when a cool looking cap caught my eye. I have always loved to wear caps because it keeps my hair in place when I'm flying. Even if I'm not flying I would often wear one because I like how it looks on me. I had never been very ladylike anyway. I always dress myself up in a rather tomboyish look. I always have more jeans and shorts than skirts and dresses in my cabinet.
"You like that cap?"
I must have been staring at the cap for a little too long if Dad actually noticed.
"It looks nice, but I like that other design better. Too bad it is out of stock." I shrugged when I pointed to the other cooler design I saw on the poster pasted on the wall behind the shelf and sadly, an OUT OF STOCK sticker was pasted over it as well. I still ended up picking the cap that originally caught my eye and wore it on my head, putting my ponytail through the hole at the back of the cap before looking back to face Dad.
"How do I look?"
"Perfect! But if you like the other design so much why not Daddy buy it for you when he finds it?"
I gave my Dad a dubious look. He's busy enough as it is. Will he even have time to search for a particular cap design for his clingy daughter?
"Are you sure that you can even find them?"
"Well, Daddy will soon be sent on a job that only I can do and it will take me to places far, far away that will probably have many cool things! And your Daddy has really sharp eyes! Maybe I can really find the cap you like so much!"
For some reason, those words filled me with warmth that I never thought I would feel. I cannot help but smile.
"Hey Dad."
"Yes?"
"Can I have this cap until you find the one with the better design?"
"Of course!"
He bought me the scarlet red cap that day, the cap that I still wore to this day. I took very good care of it because it was his present to me. Because my head had eventually outgrown the size of the cap over the years I had to get tailors to alter the size of the cap for me so that I can still wear it.
Dad stayed at home for three days this time before he had to go again to do whatever things he had to do as Violet City's Gym Leader. We sent him off, wishing him a safe journey. I could still remember Dad's last words to me.
"Daddy will be back as soon as he can! I will make sure to find the cap you want, Skye!"
"Okay!"
Weeks turned into months. That's fine. I've long since grown used to waiting for him for months on end. Then months turned into a year, and a year turned into years. Years turned into a decade.
He never came back.
Naturally, we were worried. The League never told us what happened to him or what they had sent him to do no matter how we asked. All they said was that he was on a mission that only he can do and that he is currently MIA.
MIA, not KIA. It should give us a sense of relief that he is not officially declared dead but that still did not fill the gaping hole in my heart, the hole that was left when the man that I had come to truly love and respected as my father had left that fateful day.
And then, I started to resent him.
It's childish, I know. It's unreasonable, I know. But I just cannot help but feel this way. He went back on his promise, again. He never came back to us, his three children who kept waiting for him at home like fools. I know that something must have happened to him and that it is very likely that he will never come back.
He's dead. That has to be the only explanation.
But I don't want to accept it. I kept running away from this fact. To me, the fact that he promised me that he will be back but ended up breaking this promise again had hurt me. He always goes back on his promise and I hate that part of him. The only consistent thing that I know about him ever since I was a child is that he always breaks his promises. It's always like this.
Why keep a promise that you cannot keep? You might as well not make that promise at all.
Unlike me, Falkner still has high hopes that Dad would return. I cannot help but call him out on his foolishness because Dad has to be dead, even if I never admitted that fact out loud. Why else is he not back?
That was when my relationship with my big brother started to strain. I would yell at him, telling him that Dad has to be gallivanting somewhere out there in this world and forgot that he actually has three children waiting for him back home. He would tell me that Dad is not that type of person and he will be back one day.
Deep down, I know that Falkner is right. Dad will never leave us like that despite how little we saw him when we were children. I just didn't want to admit it because if I do, that means that he is dead. I'd rather believe in my own lie that he is out there having fun somewhere at some unseen corner of the world than to believe that he actually wanted to come back to us but couldn't, because the very thought of it, that if what I speculated is true, hurts.
It really hurts a lot just by thinking about that possibility.
I'd rather curse and scream at him for abandoning us than to think about the possibility that he is dead. I refuse to admit that he is dead. I'd rather fool myself that he had abandoned us than to admit that he's dead.
Childish, I know. Unreasonable, I know. But I just cannot help but feel and lash out in this manner. Who said that maturity comes with age? It definitely doesn't apply to me. Sometimes I really wish I do not have the burden of the memories of my past life because it is often more of a burden than a gift.
I don't want to be a mature adult. I just want to be the little girl that I am.
The only thing I had left to remind me of Dad is the red cap he bought for me before he left us, and Crown, who he gave to me as my starter. They were what accompanied me these ten years after he left us. When I first received a pokedex and became a trainer. When I first started out on my journey. When I participated in my very first conference. When I first became a Ranger and ended up in the First Ranger Regiment. They had been with me the entire time.
It still hurts to think about Dad sometimes, how he made a promise only to not keep it again. This time, for good. I want to hate him, but I can't, because he's my Dad.
It sucks. Sometimes I wish I was like Ciel, who was too young to actually remember how Dad and Mum were like. Sometimes I wish I was like Falkner, who is nine years older than me and had spent a lot more time with Dad and Mum and had made many happy memories with them before they left us forever.
It sucks to be the middle child. Life just sucks sometimes.
Even if I grew to resent Dad, I am still his daughter, his little girl. I am Skye Bale. He told me that he and Mum wanted their little girl to be able to reach further than the skies and that was why they named me Skye. Even when I resented Dad for not keeping his promise I didn't want to disappoint him or Mum, so I aspired to join STAR, where only the best of the best were accepted. I didn't foresee Falkner to be so adamantly against it due to the dangerous nature of the job. Guess Dad's disappearance had hit him hard too. He just didn't show it as outwardly as I did.
But I had always been a bit of a rebel. If I cannot join STAR, then I will join the next best thing.
I will become a Ranger. Not only that, I will become the best Ranger Indigo would ever see.
Thinking back, I should be ashamed of myself. Initially, me becoming a Ranger was not out of any noble sense of purpose. It's entirely personal. It's partly to prove myself, partly to spite Falkner for getting in my way to join STAR, partly because I love the thrill and adrenaline I know that the missions STAR and Rangers will provide to me. It's only very much later that I really grew to love my job with a burning passion.
There's a weird tradition among the Indigo Rangers. When you officially become a full-fledged Ranger you have to think of a phrase that best describes you when you introduce yourself to others and the phrase must start with the word 'Ready'. Boring people like Commander Pyral would put something like 'Ready for deployment'. Slightly fancier ones like Rufus would put something like 'Ready to go with the flow.'
Without thinking, I put in 'Ready to reach for the skies', because that was my parents's hopes and aspirations for me when they had me. I remembered wondering to myself what Dad would say if he knew about it.
Too bad he would never know. He's dead, even if we all never wanted to admit it out loud.
I have regrets. I have too many of those. I regretted acting too mature and not just throwing a childish tantrum to get him to stay. I regretted not having more time to spend with Mum, who passed away shortly after Ciel was born. I regretted not trying enough to spend more time with Dad.
I regretted not saying to him that I loved him and that I am proud to be his daughter, Skye Bale, and that I really loved the name he gave me. I regret the fact that he would never see how good a Ranger his daughter had become. I regret not being able to tell him that I am now a Ranger of the 1st Ranger Regiment, and that I am among the best of the best.
People always say that speed is in my blood but I am always a step too slow. I always have so many things to say, but never enough time to do so. I never had the courage to say what is truly on my mind.
People always say life goes on. It's really harder than it seems. People always say when life gives you lemons you make lemonade out of it but just how many have the mental strength to do that over and over again? How many times will life beat you down into the ground before you are unable to stand any longer? What is your limit before you really break? If you haven't found it yet it means that life hasn't been cruel enough to you. Be thankful for that.
I don't want to continue waiting for my father to come back and stare at the front door day after day, waiting for a hopeless miracle to happen and that he would once again walk through that very same door just like how he did a decade ago. Like a coward, I began to run away from reality. I numbed myself with work ever since I joined the Rangers so that I do not need to be home that often and have the sight of the door reminding me of my worst memories, waiting for Dad to come home.
To add on, Falkner and I just could not get along ever since I told him I wanted to join STAR. It got worse when he couldn't stop me from joining the Rangers. Hence, it's best if we don't see each other that often. The lesser we meet, the lesser we would argue with each other. I know he is afraid of losing me as well but I hate it when people try to tell me what to do because they have my best interests at heart. To me, that simply sounded like an excuse to control every single aspect of my life even if deep down I know my older brother has nothing but love for me.
I know that I should reconcile with Falkner before something else took him away from me. He had followed in Dad's footsteps and became Violet City's Gym Leader as well. The paths they took are so similar that I am so afraid that one day, Falkner will be called by the League to do something for them just like how it happened to Dad and I would never see him again.
I just never had the courage to take the first step. It's always like this and I hate myself for it.
I don't need my father and older brother to be Gym Leaders. I just wanted them to be around. I never asked for my family to be special. All I wanted was a family. A normal one where we can all be happy and be with each other.
That's it, really. If that can happen I will gladly give everything that I had built up in my career as a Ranger. In front of others I always acted like I'm the biggest and baddest thing around but in truth I'm just a childish and unreasonable little girl who wants her Daddy and her family.
Skye Bale never said that she was courageous. All Skye Bale wanted was to fly alongside her family. Skye Bale is still that same six year old little girl, still waiting for her Daddy to come home as she waited for him day after day in the living room and staring at the door, hoping that he will walk through it again someday. Skye Bale is still that same little girl who wants to learn from her Daddy how to fly, still that same little girl who will scold her Daddy for always breaking his promises but also happy that he managed to come back home all the same, still the same little girl who is waiting for him to come back home with that cool cap that he promised that he would find and buy for her when she was six.
Despite holding onto a secret that she can never tell anyone else, that she has the mind of an adult at the moment of her birth, Skye Bale still wants to be Daddy's little girl and is still futilely wishing for her Daddy to come home and walk through the front door again. Without him around, she's still scared, like how she was before he took her flying for the very first time.
It sucks, to have the burden of extra memories that you sometimes question if it truly belongs to you. It felt like a baggage that you can never be rid of but forced to live with for the rest of your life.
I just want to be Skye Bale, to act like the sixteen year old that I am and not the adult that I know that I am. I want to be unreasonable and childish like how all teenagers my age are entitled to be, but can never be due to the extra baggage I carry.
I miss them too, my parents. My kind Mum, and my Dad. Why do the heavens have to take away the two people who I had grown to love as my own family after I tried so hard to accept them as my new parents?
It sucks.
But I am Skye Bale, the flier who will reach further than the skies. I'm far from being the most courageous person on earth but for my family, I want to at least try.
I want to have the courage to keep moving forward no matter what. I am trying, but trying can be hard sometimes. Fear is always there to greet you around every corner you turn but I guess the only thing that you can really do is to simply try and continue walking. It does not need to be a full sprint. Even one tiny step at a time will do. Progress is progress.
I still miss them, my parents. Especially Dad. I want to continue to be his childish and unreasonable little girl and tell him off for always coming back home so late. I want to continue to fly with him across the skies. I want him to see just how much I had achieved at the age of sixteen and I want to hear him tell me that he is proud of me.
In the end, all Skye Bale wanted was to show her parents that she can really reach for the skies, just like how they wished she could do when they named her. But that will forever remain as a dream because they are no longer here.
It's time she faced reality. It's time she admits it, that she will never have a chance to be Daddy's little girl again.
Name: Skye Bale, 16, Female
Known affiliation: Indigo Ranger Force, Johto Region, 9th Ranger Regiment, 1st Ranger Regiment
Rank: Staff Sergeant
Code Name: Zephyr
Pokemon Team:
1. Pidgeot (Crown), male
2. Gliscor (Glide), male
3. Skarmory (Dia), female
4. Crobat (Beats), male
5. Jumpluff (Cotton), female
6. Dragonite (Tino), female
7. Noivern (Echo), male
8. Emolga, (Emi), female
9. Hawlucha (Hawk), male
10. Sigilyph (Cosmo), female
11. Aerodactyl (Aria), female
12. Masquerain (Heli), male
Name: Walker Bale, 55, Male
Known affiliation: Ex Violet City Gym Leader, Ex member of Johto Thirteen Pillars
Pokemon Team:
1. Pidgeot
2. Skarmory
