AN: Well sorry it took so long. It would have been out sooner, but I had a bunch of personal life issues come up, including a death in the family and several doses of writer's block. But here it is. I'll try to get the next chapter, which is Shikako's perspective, written as fast as I can, but thenext two weeks will be taken up by Annual Training. So, we'll see how that goes for giving me time to write. Enjoy, and as always, do tell me what you think of it. After I get back I'll answer what questions I can.


"I am so, so fucked..." Sasuke thought as he sat down at his table and tried not to look at his bed.

The bed that he had woken up to Shikako being in. Shikako his teammate, his best friend, his family, the girl he was in love with, his mind unhelpfully filled in.

"I am so fucked." He hissed in despair, burying his face in his hands. "I can't just not tell her. If she does it again and she doesn't know I love her, then I'm lying to her and taking advantage of her. Which means I have to tell her I love her. I have to tell Shikako Nara I love her….and hope that she doesn't hate you for it." A tiny, unwelcome voice whispered in the back of his mind. Which he frantically chased away. "She won't, she's my friend. Even if she doesn't want me, she won't hate me."

"How do I do that!? Do I just tell her? Do I ask her out as well? How would she even want to be asked out?"

"I need help." he conceded quietly, and very reluctantly, after an hour of getting nowhere.

The first person he went to was Ino. Because there was probably no one better suited to advise him on how to go about solving his conundrum that the girl who had known Shikako best and longest.

Sasuke entered the flower shop with the kind of stealth that he would normally reserve for an ANBU mission as he made a careful sweep of the grounds, the inside store, and the small greenhouse garden just behind it. Upon finding it empty of customers, he dropped the stealth techniques and re-entered the store… just as Kiba did, Akamaru immediately behind him, carrying a small cooler just large enough to fit a gallon of milk. "Fuck my life."

Kiba narrowed his eyes, a slow grin crawling up his face, "Sasuke, long time no see, buddy. Didn't anybody ever tell you sneaking around like that off duty was rude? I didn't smell you at all till you stepped in."

Ino was similarly surprised, though she recovered quickly to greet them both. "Are you off duty though?" she asked. "Dad's upstairs in the kitchen if you need him, I can go get him if you want." She offered, pulling out her wallet and passing Kiba a few bills. He handed her the cooler in return.

Sasuke shook his head as he approached the counter. "I'm not. I was just making sure no one else was …..here." He paused, trying to ignore how suspicious his answer sounded.

Kiba and Ino shared a look. "What now?" Kiba sighed. "What awful, fucked up thing is coming after us next that no one else can know about?"

Sasuke shook his head. "No, it's nothing like that."

They looked at him expectantly. Akamaru, now tall enough that his head was at the level of Kiba's waist when standing, cocked his head to the side in the way puzzled dogs often do.

"I have a serious problem." He began. He took a breath before the plunge. "I need to tell Shikako I love her, and I don't know how." he said in a rush, trying to spit the words out before he could choke on them.

Kiba turned to Ino. "I told you."

"I didn't disagree!" she defended. "I just thought it'd take longer than this."

"How long have you been talking about this?" Sasuke asked blankly, feeling rather betrayed.

"Just after the second Chunin Exams." Kiba admitted. "So what's the issue? Just go up and tell her. You're good friends, even if she says no, she's not likely to hate you for it. You'll still be friends, right?"

"There is not a romantic bone in your body is there?" Ino complained. "'Just go up and tell her.' Are you trying to get him rejected? She'd just think it was a confession, and not asking her out."

"It's a little more complicated than that." Sasuke added, feeling more out of his depth with every second.

"So what's the issue? As it stands right now, you go up to her, you tell her how you feel, give her flowers that reinforce the message in that flower language, and ask if she would like to give 'you two' a shot."

He paused, opened his mouth and closed it again. "Last night, Kino was waking her up a lot, so she came over to my place, and when I woke up this morning, she was back to back with me." he explained quietly, folding his arms across his chest. "And I don't feel right about that. Because she didn't know how I feel about her, and if she did, I'm not sure she would have been okay with sharing a bed. And if it happens again, it feels like I'd be taking advantage or deceiving her somehow."

"Let's take this upstairs." Ino said after a minute,"I need to feed Hanabi anyway." coming out from behind the register to close down the shop. Out for lunch, the sign read. "If you're worrying about that, at least you know your heart's in the right place."

Ino's room was exactly the way he would have thought it might be. Flower arrangements threaded with senbon everywhere, bright colors, and a large aquarium in one corner filled with growing flowers and a long brown rope. "Is that a snake?" Sasuke asked, his mouth going dry, "Why is it always snakes?"

Ino followed his eyes toward the aquarium. "Oh! Yes, that's Hanabi-chan. I found her getting tortured for some sick people's amusement and brought her home after we got her all fixed up."

That was just like Ino, Sasuke concluded dryly.

"Hanabi-chan, indeed." Kiba grumbled.

"She's never given me a problem since we brought her to Anko." Ino retorted, opening the aquarium to offer the snake a dead mouse from the scroll. It took it from her hand gently.

Sasuke had to suppress a shudder.

"Anyway," Ino continued, rolling up the scroll and placing beside the aquarium, "its not as big a deal as you think it is. Especially if you go about explaining things like I think you want to. It's not like you actually did anything wrong. And you're taking steps to make sure she knows before she does it again. You just got caught off guard."

Ino paused. "Are you wanting to ask her out? Or are you just wanting to make sure she knows so she isn't sharing a bed with you not knowing what she means to you?"

Sasuke folded his arms and studied the floor. "Do you think she might say yes? I figured she probably wouldn't. She's got a lot going on right now."

"The last time I asked her about boys, she said it was like asking her about having wings. I don't know, I certainly don't think that she would pursue it on her own. I don't think that's any reason not to try anyway. You're ok with her saying no and just being friends, right?"

Sasuke nodded, "Of course."

"Well okay then, I can't imagine her ending that." Ino reassured him. She paused "You know that she doesn't want kids, right? You're okay with that?"

He considered that. "No, I'm not." He shrugged, "but I can't have everything. And if it's a choice between Shikako and no kids, or kids with someone that's not her, I know which one I have to pick."

"Someone that's not her' meaning Sakura." Ino accurately guessed.

And that, that was Ino, Sasuke cursed. Perceptive enough to be helpful, but also far, far too perceptive for comfort. "I get that Sakura is your friend, is Shikako's friend as well. I can respect that, and not be cruel to her. But that doesn't mean she doesn't make me feel like she's looking more at her idea of who I am, and my name, then who I am."

Ino fixed him with a disapproving look, "I'm not going to touch that. Do you know how you want to ask her out?"

The second was his former ANBU Captain, Yugao Uzuki. She was, after all, one half of the only healthy relationship he knew of that wasn't either the Nara's, or Anko's thing-that-might-not-actually-be-a-thing with Genma and there was no way in hell he was going to Anko for relationship advice. He wasn't that crazy.

"I need your advice." He stated when Yugao opened the door.

She looked back at him blankly, in the way he knew he probably did after seventy two hours of uninterrupted consciousness.

"I can come back later?" he offered.

"Knowing you, no you won't." she said, opening the door further so he could enter. "Off duty or on?" She asked as she shut the door and sagged against it.

"Off." he answered, "I need relationship advice. And you're one half of one of the only two healthy relationships I'm willing to ask advice from."

"And you're not asking the Naras because Shikako is at the root of your problem."

"Is it really that obvious?" He grumbled.

"To anyone with eyes." She said rolling her own. "Look, it's really not that hard. Good relationships start with being good friends, and you're already that. Listen to each other, communicate. There's lots of ways to make someone feel appreciated, figure out the ones she likes best, and do those a lot. Do over the top things to make her feel extra appreciated occasionally. Don't go to sleep on an argument. Don't keep track of arguments. Dates don't have to be big, just spend time with each other. And as awkward as this is going to be to hear…. And for me to say, cause I really should not be the one telling you this: If you can't have a mature conversation about sex, you shouldn't be having it. In fact, don't even think about any of that, you two are way too young for it anyway." She advised, sending him back out her door with that last ear scorching remark .

The last person he got advice from, he wasn't planning on asking at all, but sitting at the kitchen table feeding Kino from a bottle, with Yoshino cutting up peppers for curry, and Shikamaru having just exited the door to train with his team, he couldn't not be vividly reminded that as welcome as Shikako's family made him feel, they were still her family first, not his. And his relationship with Shikamaru was already strained. Shikako's relationship with her brother was already strained, and in no small part because of trouble he'd been the cause of.

"Yoshino-san," he started haltingly.

"Hmmm?"

"Thank you," he bit off. "You and Shikaku-san have been very generous in the way you've treated me, even when I've been the cause of some of the….issues between Shikaku and Shikamaru.

Yoshino sighed, "What's happened? Are you and Shikako arguing?"

"No!" he shook his head, "not at all." He paused. "I…...I want to ask Shikako out. And I want to make sure I'm not going to just be causing more problems."

"Don't worry about Shikamaru." Yoshino said quietly after a moment. "He's my son, and I love him and Shikako equally, but he's going to have to learn that his sister is capable of decisions on her own, for better or for worse, and trying to control her life isn't going to ever go the way he wants it to." She waited a moment to let that sink in before continuing. "As for you asking my daughter out, Shikako sees you as family, and so do me and Shikaku, whether that's as another son, or as a son in law doesn't matter to us. That's between you and Shikako. I have no idea what she'll say, but if you're asking what I think about it, I think you'll be good for each other, just as you've been as friends. Especially if you make that the priority."

"Okay. What's up?" Shikako asked their first morning back training after she'd gotten back from ANBU School. "You've been off all morning. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." he said, mouth dry. "I just. I have to tell you something."

"Okay. Well you're -"

He thrust the flowers he had hidden behind his back into her hands.

"- making me nervous." she finished lamely, looking wide eyed from the flowers to him and back again.

"I, I love you." He started, nervous and ashamed, the words stumbling from his mouth and his ears heating up. "You're my best friend, and you're brave and powerful and smart, and funny, and beautiful, and I trust you more than anyone, and I'm very in love with you." He paused. "I know you've got a lot going on right now, and I'm sorry to add this, but after…...it just didn't feel right to let you keep sleeping over like you did without telling you how I feel. I hope you're not offended. I want to keep being friends, it's the most important thing in my life. You're the most important person in my life. And if you're open to it, maybe we can try something new?"

Shikako looked embarrassed and stunned and like her world had been flipped upside down. She studied the flowers and how they were arranged. Studied him. "I'm not offended." she said, shaking her head and taking his hand. "I'm not…...I don't think….you didn't do anything wrong. You're still my best friend, that hasn't changed. I don't feel uncomfortable or like I can't trust you."

He slumped in relief. "Thank you."

She lifted his chin to force him to look her in the eyes. "We're okay. You are still my family. Okay?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

She pulled away. "As for...trying something new." She paused. "I need to think about it. You went to Ino for help with this, didn't you? This arrangement is too professionally done to have been just you."

He nodded.

She nodded as well. "Did she tell you about the last time she asked me about…...boys?" she asked hesitantly, gesturing to him.

"She said you equated it to asking what it was like to have wings." He paused. "She also said it was no reason for me to not ask anyway."

She nodded. "Yeah. I'm not, I'm not saying it's a 'yes'. But I'm not finding it…. It's a leap for me. It's a huge leap for me, and the idea is more than a little terrifying for me. Not of you!" she reassured him. "Just, romance in general. But -" She blushed hard. "It may be a leap I want to take, especially if it's with you, because I can trust you not to hurt me, or try to go faster than I want. I liked hearing and seeing," she gestured at the flowers,"what you think of me." She drew herself up. "I just don't know, I don't know what any of this is supposed to feel like. And I need some time to think about it. Whether I want to take that leap or not. It's not a hard 'yes', but it's not a hard 'no' either. It's an 'I'll think about it.' You'll give me that, right?"

"Of course!" Sasuke responded. "Take all the time you want."

She shook her head. "I promise you, I won't abuse this. I know this took a lot out of you. And as your friend, because you're my friend, I owe you an answer. I won't leave you hanging for too long, alright."

"You could still be thinking about it when Naruto comes back. I'm not going to rush you. You have a lot to think about already without all this. It's why I waited so long." He bit out a harsh laugh. "If not for…" he gestured to her, "I probably wouldn't have said anything until the Akatsuki are all dead."

Shikako winced. "I didn't make you feel uncomfortable, did I?" she asked guiltily.

"No! Just, I felt like I was taking advantage of your trust. Or, I felt like I would be, if you did it again without knowing." He corrected.

She rolled her eyes. "You wouldn't have been. But it's good to know. I'm glad you told me." She admitted. "I'm going to go home. These flowers need water and a vase."

"I have a shift babysitting Kino this afternoon." he reminded her. " Do you want me to give you some space?" He asked.

She shook her head. "No. I need to go talk to Ino about these anyway." She said, holding up the flowers. "You're okay, with me firmly not wanting kids, right? I know that's important to you."

"I'd rather be with you, and not have kids, than do what mom did and marry someone she didn't want to be with and have them. Even if you say no, " He answered. "I'm not going to live like that."

She nodded, "Okay." she said quietly. "I'll see you later then."


How Ino got Hanabi.

For a long time after the mission against the Sound Four, Ino is plagued with self-doubt. Self-doubt over her competency as a ninja, over her future, and most importantly over who she is as a person. Even after her decision to continue working and fighting she constantly second guesses herself over things that should have been easy personal decisions. But she gains it back, eventually, and little by little she figures out what comes from Orochimaru, and what is originally her own. It won't help her regain what she lost, there's no regaining that, even if she could figure out what that is, but the journey and all it's tiny victories are instrumental in rebuilding her fractured confidence in herself. She finds things that she can use to define herself.

She learns the edges of what information she knew before and what she knows now.

She learns that while Orochimaru could only care for a flower's toxicology, Ino knows that the iris, or lily, or angel's trumpet she sells at her family's (she has one of those too, and friends that love her and that she loves back) store is also beautiful.

And with that revelation, she adds it to her growing list of things she knows about herself and moves on. She can tell whether something or someone is beautiful, and she can apply that to people's character, no matter how naïve, or foolish, or weak a part of her that she characterizes as Orochimaru says of someone who is also kind, generous, and a good friend.

And one day, she finds out that compassion, and a desire to help hurting people are also integral parts of who she is. Oh she knew that she wanted to help people all along, that it was important. But she isn't quite able to separate the not-totally-selfish-but-just-selfish-enough reasons for that desire: her family (who feeds and shelters and supports her), her friends (who watch her back and keep her from dying and help her on projects), her village (who supplies her and her allies with work and medical care and security to sleep at night), from the genuinely altruistic need she has to help broken people until her first mission outside the village almost a month after she brought pieces of her monster back with her.

It's a relatively unexceptional and unproblematic bodyguard and escort mission for a rather rich minor nobleman who is traveling from Konoha to Otafuku-Gai. Just the kind of mission she needs to ease back into the swing of things.

Until they've delivered him to where he needs to be and he dismisses them, that's where it gets slightly more personal, and a little more complicated. Ino has learned about herself in the past month that she still finds joy in completely nonsensical things like window shopping for clothes, and taking her friends out to have fun, and, in this particular case, convincing Shikamaru to gamble a game of shogi with some unfortunate bastard for enough money to take them all out to eat at no extra cost. "In celebration of our mission completed." she says, while it's really an excuse to spend some extra time with them, get Shika to have some fun (because when your opponent is as poor at this game as he is, sometimes it's just fun to toy with him and she knows Shika likes that kind of humor), and at the end, take Choji out to eat, because he still needs the extra weight and its something he likes to do. Ino loves her team, and she likes to make them happy even when they require some convincing (especially when they require convincing).

So they enter one of the many, many colorful casinos in Otafuku-Gai that promises to have Shogi boards and a plethora of morons for Shikamaru to beat.

It's just as Shikamaru has finished beating his third opponent in under thirty minutes that Ino sees a flash of movement and notices that "Hey, why does something smell like blood around here?"

Subtly, she shifts to allow her a better view of the potential threat, and what she sees makes the breath catch in her throat and makes her wonder, for what seems like the billionth time in the last six months, how people could be so cruel as to delight in the suffering of other people, or in this case, creatures.

Across the room, there is a cage made of chicken wire and glass, approximately one yard square, sitting upon a table. Gathered around that cage are some twenty odd men cheering, and inside it is a dancing, blood spattered ferret, and a tired-looking, chocolate brown cobra that looks almost on the edge of death. It's holding itself up in position to strike with the glass of it's cage and seems to have a small chunk bitten out of it's hood, the flesh stripped off of the ends of three of it's ribs, and it's far from the only wound it has. A three inch strip of skin has been torn off lower on the snake's body, exposing muscle, and there are several bite marks along the rest of it. From what Ino can tell, the ferret is untouched.

She automatically knows exactly what species it is. It's another thing she has picked up from Orochimaru. She knows it's a monocled cobra, that it's venom is primarily a neurotoxin. It's one of the most toxic species on the continent drop for drop, and unconsciousness and death generally occurs shortly after envenomation from respiratory and kidney failure.

But that's not the first thing that comes to her mind, and it's here that she learns that compassion, and a genuinely altruistic need to help broken people is another thing about herself that belongs solely to her, and never Orochimaru. Because what she sees first is a hurting, caged, beautiful, animal in need of a lot of help, that despite everything the master of serpents has done to her, she still feels compassion for it and she still wants to help it. All the rest are supporting details.

So with a lot of fuss, and possibly the threat of violence, and twenty five ryu for a shattered snake, she manages to convince her team to help her stop the fight, and very, very carefully, get the snake in a box with some disinfectant on it's multiple wounds.

And then she takes it to Kiba, who, bless him, seems to understand that this is important to her and even expresses outrage over such barbarity. While he isn't able to do anything more than she did, he does call his mother and an expert, Anko, and although it takes well over a month to slowly bring it back to health, Ino does, eventually, talk her father into letting her keep the newly named Hanabi. After all, it would be a very poor waste of the time and resources she spent on it for some other sick excuse for a human being to catch it and do the exact same thing, and it's not like she doesn't know how to take care of it now (and she's gotten terribly fond of it). And although she hates where she got her knowledge from, she finally, finally got something good out of this entire situation, because thanks to her personal tragedy, she has both learned another thing about where Orochimaru stops and she begins, and used it to help someone.

In Shikako's words, Ino knows she is "good at people" and she is that way because she cares about people, and wants to fix them when they are hurt. Even when there is no personal benefit to her doing so, even when they aren't even human, and sometimes, just sometimes even when it could be dangerous to do so.

As for Hanabi, her venom poisons Ino's senbon. It is, after all, the least she could do, the tiny, mortal daughter of Aoda thinks to herself as she lies on a rock warmed by the heat lamp above her with a nice, fat rat in her belly.


AN: ok, next chapter is Shikako's perspective and her thought process as she goes about considering all of her options and thinking about how she feels about all of this. I'm hoping I handled it well.