AN: So here's the next chapter. I got writers block between the last chapter and this one, as well as other Real Life things demanding my time. Some of ya'll may have been confused, the last chapter took so long because of a death in the family, I had already dealt with it by the time I finished the chapter, though I appreciate the concern. Please enjoy, and don't forget to leave a review. Please have patience with the way I'm constantly changing the way I do scene breaks.
Sasuke was decidedly off his game, Shikako deduced as she kneed him solidly in the hip. Had been all morning. He was distracted, block, anxious, shuriken aimed at right kidney, avoid, and generally this match was the last thing on his mind.
But he wasn't freaking out, Shikako noticed, so it couldn't be too serious. Anxious, distracted Sasuke was a totally different animal from frightened, spooked Sasuke. That Sasuke was aggressive, pinpoint focused. He used training to lose himself in the match and threw everything else out the window.
This wasn't that. Shikako decided, aiming a thrown kunai at his knee. She noted the second-to-last minute, snappy swipe of his own that knocked it aside. Normally it wouldn't have gotten anywhere near that close.
"Should I ask what's wrong? Or leave him to open up on his own?" She debated. "He's been doing better with that."
"Yes," she decided. "He handles it better when he's asked first…or when he's trying to get me talking." She admitted to herself as he called the match, and with it, the end of morning training.
"Okay. What's up?" Shikako asked after they had finished picking up their scattered weaponry. "You've been off all morning. Are you alright?"
"I'm fine." He hesitated. "I just. I have to tell you something."
Well now he was just being plain squirrelly, Shikako decided. "Okay. Well you're -"
He thrust the flowers he had hidden behind his back into her hands.
"- making me nervous…." she finished lamely, looking wide eyed from the flowers to him and back again.
"I, I love you." He started, clearly nervous and ashamed, the words stumbling from his mouth. "You're my best friend, and you're brave and powerful and smart, and funny, and beautiful, and I trust you more than anyone, and I'm very in love with you." He paused. "I know you've got a lot going on right now, and I'm sorry to add this, but after…...it just didn't feel right to let you keep sleeping over like you did without telling you how I feel. I hope you're not offended. I want to keep being friends, it's the most important thing in my life. You're the most important person in my life. And if you're open to it, maybe we can try something new?"
"Oh." Shikako thought blankly, staring at the flowers as she struggled to process the torrent of words that had spilled out of her friend. "Iris for heroism, two yellow roses and a red one, chrysanthemum for natural perfection, daffodil, power… all of these are things he loves about me." She realized, the jumpy, pleasantly restless feeling in her stomach increasing and a blush rising unrequested across her neck in equal intensity to the bewilderment and no small amount of fear at the forefront of her thoughts.
"What do I do with this!?" She thought as she considered the far too professionally arranged flowers. "Ino," She realized. Ino had helped him with this. Had been asked for help and given it. Had must have known her work would be recognized, and helped him anyway. Was she saying that she approved? Or was she just giving the help she would give anyone in Sasuke's position. She would have thought this was very romantic.
"It is very romantic." Shikako admitted. The confession, stumbling and hurried as it was, with the flowers detailing her attractive qualities, was rather cute and thoughtful.
She lifted her head to study him. His hopeful expression, the way he patiently waited. "I hope you're not offended." She remembered him saying. "Of course not!"
"'It didn't feel right to let you keep sleeping over like you did without telling you how I feel'"
"Oh….that's why he's worried." She understood. "What would that be like, anyway, waking up to a kiss…." She pulled back mentally immediately. "Where did THAT come from!?" She wondered, panic flooding through her thoughts at the unfamiliar feeling. "I've never thought about that, not even before…"
"Is it that bad though?" She asked herself, "Would trying something so entirely new be so awful?" She tried to imagine doing things that she saw couples do with the boy in front of her. "Maybe…." She thought, "maybe it might be nice." She shook her head.
"I'm not offended." she said, taking his hand. "I'm not…I don't think…you didn't do anything wrong. You're still my best friend, that hasn't changed. I don't feel uncomfortable or like I can't trust you." She clarified.
He slumped in relief. "Thank you."
She lifted his chin to force him to look her in the eyes. "We're okay. You are still my family. Okay?" She reassured.
He nodded. "Yeah."
She pulled away. "As for...trying something new." Shikako paused. "I need to think about it. You went to Ino for help with this, didn't you? This arrangement is too professionally done to have been just you."
He nodded.
She nodded as well. "Did she tell you about the last time she asked me about…...boys?" she asked hesitantly, gesturing to him.
"She said you equated it to asking what it was like to have wings." Sasuke paused. "She also said it was no reason for me to not ask anyway." he added, almost apologetic.
"We're going to need to talk about that." She nodded. "Yeah. I'm not, I'm not saying it's a 'yes'. But I'm not finding it…. It's a leap for me. It's a huge leap for me, and the idea is more than a little terrifying for me. Not of you!" she reassured him. "Just, romance in general. But -" She blushed hard. "It may be a leap I want to take, especially if it's with you, because I can trust you not to hurt me, or try to go faster than I want. I liked hearing and seeing," she gestured at the flowers,"what you think of me." She drew herself up. "I just don't know, I don't know what any of this is supposed to feel like. And I need some time to think about it. Whether I want to take that leap or not. It's not a hard 'yes', but it's not a hard 'no' either. It's an 'I'll think about it.' You'll give me that, right?"
"Of course!" Sasuke responded immediately. "Take all the time you want."
She shook her head. "I promise you, I won't abuse this. I know this probably took a lot out out of you. And as your friend, because you're my friend, I owe you an answer. I won't leave you hanging for too long, alright?"
"You could still be thinking about it when Naruto comes back. I'm not going to rush you. You have a lot to think about already without all this. It's why I waited so long." He bit out a harsh laugh. "If not for…" he gestured to her, "I probably wouldn't have said anything until the Akatsuki are all dead."
Shikako winced. "I didn't make you feel uncomfortable, did I?" she asked guiltily.
"No! Just, I felt like I was taking advantage of your trust. Or, I felt like I would be, if you did it again without knowing." He corrected.
She rolled her eyes. "You wouldn't have been. But it's good to know. I'm glad you told me." She admitted. "I'm going to go home. These flowers need water and a vase."
"I have a shift babysitting Kino this afternoon." he reminded her. " Do you want me to give you some space?" He asked.
She shook her head. "No. I need to go talk to Ino about these anyway." She said, holding up the flowers. "You're okay, with me firmly not wanting kids, right? I know that's important to you."
"I'd rather be with you, and not have kids, than do what mom did and marry someone she didn't want to be with and have them. Even if you say no, " He answered. "I'm not going to live like that."
"That's… I'm sorry you had to find that out." She nodded, "Okay." she said quietly. "I'll see you later then."
XXXXXXX
"Ino." Shikako announced, placing the flowers gently on the counter. "Can we talk?"
"Of course." Ino answered with a smile. "Can you close up the shop for me?"
"Sure. Can I have a vase for these?" Shikako returned, moving to the door and closing it.
She beamed. "You're going to keep them then!?" She asked, picking a simple brown vase off the back shelf and filling it with water.
"Until they die, yeah." Shikako answered, flipping the sign from 'Open! Come on in!' to 'Closed, come again later.'
"Soooo," Ino began, leaning in over the counter. "What happened?"
"I still don't know." "He confessed, I said I'd think about it." She answered. "Sasuke told me you told him what I told you about what I thought about boys and dating the last time you asked me. He also told me that you said that was no reason for him not to try." Shikako paused. Ino waited. "You had to have known I would recognize you helped him with these. What were you trying to do, and why did you tell him that? Are you trying to tell me something?"
Ino was silent, her eyes on the flowers in between them rather than her. "I helped Sasuke because he loves you very much and was very concerned about doing what he thought was the right thing and being a good, honest friend, even though you might be mad at him. And I wanted to help him explain things as best and as clearly as he could so he didn't mess it up, and to reassure him that you wouldn't be angry with him." She answered, looking her in the eyes.
"I told him what you said because I didn't want to give him false hope, and that it wasn't a reason to not try because if you never risk failure, you never risk success. And," Ino continued, raising a finger. "I do think that if you gave him a try, you might find that you like it, and as close a pair of friends as you are now, I think you'll only be closer to and better for each other as you are now. And even if you don't, I don't think this will be the end of you two. You're already basically the old married couple that does everything together." She teased lightly. "You're just missing out on the holding hands and kissing."
"Hey!" Shikako exclaimed indignantly. "That's not fair! We aren't like that!"
Ino smirked. "You two are adorable." She argued. "And everyone with a functioning set of eyes expected this to be a possibility.
But I didn't do it to make it seem like I was trying to push you to say yes. I felt like Sasuke deserved, like you both deserved, to have the best chance I could give him to express his feelings for you the right way. And that's what I gave him. I'm behind you whichever answer you give him. I just want you to be happy. And so does he."
"No pressure, huh?" Shikako asked. Ino nodded. She sighed. "I just don't know what to do." She explained slowly. "This is most foreign thing I've ever had to face, and one of the most scary things I've ever had to think about. But I really, really liked how it felt to hear him say how he felt….it's the same rush you get when you're in combat, you know?"Shikako said, grasping for anything she could use to explain her thoughts. "The thrill feels exciting to a degree but it's utterly terrifying at the same time, and it's just such a leap for me. The concept is so new like nothing else is. And I don't know if it's something I want to do or not. I care, no, I love Sasuke. I just don't know if I love him the way he does me and up until now I thought it wasn't that way."
"What's scary about it? The expectations, the dating, the romance? Is the touching? The extra emotional risk?" Ino asked gently.
"I don't want children. I don't want to be a housewife. I don't want to break his heart. I don't want him to break my heart. I don't know if I'll like kissing or … doing more with him or if I'll just feel like I did something I felt disgusted and repulsed by and can't undo or forget. Hugging him and being hugged by him has never not been comforting and warm but is anything else still going to be something I can enjoy and want?" "All of it." Shikako answered. "It's all like I'm standing on a cliff and about to jump, and I don't know what I'll hit. Deep water or rocks." She paused. "Maybe not the dating," She corrected, thinking about what it was like to just sit on the porch with her friend and play shogi, or work on a seal while he cooked a meal a few feet away. "We hang out enough that I can't imagine that being uncomfortable. But it just seems like a mix between awkward and butterflies inside to think of him adding the candles to it, and I don't know for sure what it will be just yet. And…" "I feel guilty," She realized. "I feel like I'm stealing something else from Sakura. I feel like I stole her place on the team, like I stole her place on the jounin track, and now Sasuke loves me instead of her and I don't want to lose her friendship. But he's not her prize, and he doesn't have to feel anything he doesn't want to."
"What am I going to tell Sakura?" She whispered. "She'll be devastated. She'll hate me."
"Sakura has no right to hate you for this." Ino said firmly. "She deserves to be happy and loved, but Sasuke's not under any obligation to love someone just because they love him. He's free to be in love with anyone he falls for. And so are you, and me, and Sakura, and everyone else. And he fell for you." Ino placed her hand over hers. "This is no different than Shikamaru trying to get you to quit being a field ninja. I love Shikamaru and I love Sakura like family, and I know you do too. But you can't decide your life off of avoiding making them angry, and clearly you know that. Sakura will find someone who loves her like she deserves. It just won't be Mr. Uchiha."
Shikako narrowed her eyes. "You almost sound like you already know someone is interested in her."
Ino lifted her chin loftily. "Maybe I do, maybe I don't." She teased, "I hold many secrets safe.
This does bring a whole new meaning to 'KO Shikako' though, doesn't it?" Ino joked.
"Pffft, stop. Please." Shikako retorted, rolling her eyes, even as the corner of her mouth quirked into a smile.
"He thinks you're ~beautiful~!" She sang lightly.
"Stahp, pleease!"
XXXXXXXXX
"Tadaima!" Shikako called as she stepped through the door around four, kicking off her shoes as she did.
"Okaeri! What took you so long?" Yoshino asked. "You've been gone all day. Did you have an assignment?"
"I had to talk to Ino." Shikako explained, setting down her vase of flowers and moving over to help.
"I like the flowers." She said, setting her to the task of cutting up vegetables.
"They're Sasuke's." Shikako answered with a smile, pausing the work of her knife to brace herself against the counter.
"From him, or for him?" Yoshino asked quietly.
"From…." Shikako slumped, all the stress that had been building up finally collapsing across her shoulders. "He told me he loved me and asked if I might want to try being together. And mom, I still don't know what to say to him."
Yoshino pulled her into a hug. "Is this why he came over while you weren't here?" She asked quietly.
Shikako nodded silently.
"Should he have been here?" she asked.
"We're still friends. He's still family." Shikako confirmed with a whisper. "He was going to not come, because he wanted to give me space, but I told him it was okay."
"If you want to say 'no' you should."
Shikako shook her head. "That's not it. I don't know what I want to say. For every reason I would want to say 'no,' there's a feeling that makes me want to try it. For every reason that makes me want to say 'yes,' the idea scares me too much.
I know I can trust him. That's not it. He's my best friend, and I know for a fact that whatever happens he'll respect what I need out of him. But that doesn't change how I feel about it. It doesn't change the fact that this is an enormous leap for me. I'm just fine like this. I feel comfortable and happy not having to consider it. I never would have thought about any of this any other way. And I was perfectly fine that way. But now that it's being brought up," She explained, "I'm not finding myself completely turned off to the idea. The more I think about it, the more I want to try it. The more I think about it, the more I'm reminded that I'm comfortable right here where I am, and how foreign and strange I find it and that I don't want to take the chance."
Yoshino was silent for a moment. "I didn't even think about me and Shikaku being together until he kissed me right before he left for a mission." She reminded her. "I didn't think about it either. But I can't say the idea had me anywhere near as stressed as it has you. It happened, I enjoyed it, and it turned out great. I think, " She paused. "I think that you are thinking about this as though it's a guaranteed straight line of constant progression from him asking you out to you getting married and that's just not how this has to work.
If you find that you're unhappy with the way things are going, you can cut it off. You can tell him you want to back up. You can take a break for a little while and then get back together." She reassured. "Sasuke strikes me as the kind of person who is going to be fine with anything you tell him as long as he can tell you he loves you when he really needs to say it. And while there are problems that can come with that, it's perfect for this situation. Just be upfront with your concerns and the how this is entirely new and strange for you.
Or don't." Yoshino advised. "There's nothing wrong with staying where you feel comfortable. I'll support you with whatever choice you make." Yoshino paused. "Having said that, I'd better not find you trying to make all your concerns go away by jumping in the deep end and just getting used to it. That approach is fine for a cold stream in the summer, and a lot of other things, but it is not okay here. It's just going to end up seriously and irreparably hurting you both, and I shouldn't have to say that you're too young for it, but I will anyway." She said firmly.
"That's definitely not happening." Shikako confirmed just as strongly. "I don't know if it ever will. I just don't know how any of this works."
"Put your friendship first. Just be good friends, have respect for each other's feelings, and talk about your concerns. It's you two versus the problem, not you versus him." Yoshino suggested.
Shikako relaxed, then tensed. "Oh no." "Where is Shika?" she asked, hesitant. "He was here when I left this morning."
"Oh, he finally went on another C-rank. Courier mission for the supply department. He'll be back tomorrow."
"Great, that's another thing I can leave for later." Shikako relaxed.
"Don't worry about him." Yoshino ordered. "If you say yes, I will make sure he doesn't try to scare him off."
"At this point, I almost think I need to scare Shika off." Shikako grumbled, her crimes against the carrots growing more savage.
Yoshino eyed the knife in her hand, "You know he loves you."
"I know." Shikako bit out. "I love him too. That doesn't mean I have to let him control my life until I'm safe enough for him. Like that's a thing that exists, anyway."
"Did he say anything? To you I mean?" Shikako asked. "If he went to Ino…."
"Sasuke?" Yoshino asked. Shikako nodded. "He did about a week ago when you were gone on that mission." She confirmed. "He wanted to know if it would cause problems, considering how we've treated him and his relationship with Shikamaru."
Shikako's mouth went dry. "And?"
She returned that with an exasperated look. "What do you think I said? I told him that whether he was another son, or son-in-law, it wouldn't matter to us. And to not mind Shikamaru."
She thought that over.
XXXXXXX
Around eight Sasuke answered the door.
"Hey." Shikako greeted quietly, her heart fluttering in her chest.
"Hey." He returned, stepping out of the way to invite her in. "I would have thought you'd eaten already."
"I did. Have you?" she asked, stepping in and moving toward the kitchen table. She frowned. "Where did this come from?" She asked, pointing to the greyish wood table and chairs.
"Mine's almost done." He answered, shutting the door. He paused. "I made it. Well, me and Kiba. I figured it was about time I stopped using one I could fold up."
"Since when did you take up woodworking?" She asked suspiciously, running her hand along the smooth surface.
"I haven't. Kiba's been hounded by Akamaru to get a hobby, so he finally did….and I felt like learning, so we slapped one together."
She fixed him with a look.
He stared back defiantly.
"Hounded, huh?" She asked, her mouth quirked in a smile. "Now I know what it's like to be you. Not cool, buddy. Not cool."
Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Coffee or tea?"
"Tea." She said shortly. She waited until he sat down and began to eat. "I-I thought a lot about what you said this morning." She started, folding her arms on top of the table. "I think we need to talk about what we're expecting and how we might go about this." Shikako continued, "Because for every feeling I have that makes me want to try this, I have a feeling that is telling me that I don't want to. I've never felt like this before, Sasuke, and I never thought I would, and that scares me. I can't even describe how strange, and foreign romance in general is to me. And I need you to tell me what you want and need from this. From me. Because if I agree to this, I need you to be patient with me, and I can't promise that I won't wake up one day and need to take a break or stop it completely because it's just that weird to me. I just don't know." She met his eyes. "I know that I love you, that you're my family, that you're one of my best friends. I just don't know if I love you romantically. So before I make a decision, can we talk about all of this?"
He nodded. "Yeah, of course." He paused. "I don't really know how this goes, either. Everyone I've talked to has told me to go about it with our friendship as the priority. As friends who are in love with each other. So beyond doing what we normally do except that I give you flowers and me telling you 'I love you' and other romantic stuff, I really haven't put much thought in what exactly we do." He started. He hesitated. "I'm not going to deny that I really want to kiss you. On the mouth, on the cheek, on your neck." He elaborated, avoiding her gaze.
Shikako could see the flush play out across his face and collar. She felt the warmth flood across hers as well to accompany the butterflies in her chest as she imagined that. The idea felt equal parts exciting and anxious."
"I want to play with your hair, and wake up every morning for the rest of my life cuddled up with you. And learn to make you feel really, really good and loved. " He forced himself to meet her eyes, his shame evident in his tightly crossed arms and fingers gone white against his cut off blues and red neck. "But I know that is so, so far off that thinking about it is the last thing I should be doing right now. I just want you to be comfortable with me and no matter slow you want to go, I'll be grateful for it. And I'm never going to ask you for something you've said you don't want yet.
I'm not ready for a lot of that stuff either." He added. "I just want to do whatever we both feel comfortable with and we can adjust from there. No expectations. Whatever you need of me, that's what we'll do or not do."
She nodded slowly.
The teapot screamed.
They both jumped from their seats like frightened cats. Shikako felt the back of the chair tip over as she grabbed it for support and went crashing to the floor. Sasuke's flailing hand sent the bowl of rice and noodles smashing against the wall and as he rose, he tripped over the chair and landed on his back.
They stayed where they fell for a moment, nursing sore egos as they realized what they had reacted so violently to.
Sasuke got up, unable to suppress the giggles that painfully clawed their way out of his chest as he did so. He leaned against the counter and pushed the stove dial to the off position as he fought for air.
Shikako couldn't help but join him. "So much for all that ANBU Training." She laughed, pushing herself up on her elbows. She sighed. "Are you alright."
"It hurts." He sobbed.
She stopped. "What does?" She asked carefully, picking herself up and placing a hand on his arm.
"My ribs!" He gasped, fighting his laughter down again. He hiccupped and coughed as it ended.
She smiled. "Are you alright?"
"I *cough* will be." He replied, breathing heavily.
"You know," She said after a moment of assessing what she felt. What this random and unplanned for lighthearted event had revealed to her after all the stress she felt over it had been temporarily lightened. "I don't know if I love you romantically." She began. "But I think if I was to grow in love with someone, it'd be you." She explained. "I'm still scared, and nervous, and stressed out over where this might go, but I want to try this." She wrapped her arm around him carefully and tilted his face toward her with the other. Her mouth was dry as a bone. "You'll be patient with me?"
"Of course." He hesitated, then pulled her close. "Thank you."
She nodded, unsure of what to say.
"So….what now?" He asked.
"I think, " She replied slowly. "That I need to go home, sleep, and when I wake up tomorrow morning, you can prove to me that we can still spar like normal without anything distracting you." She shifted. "And afterwards, I'll go to class, and when I get out, you can take me on a date."
A happy little smirk spread across his face. "I'm looking forward to it."
They got up, and Shikako made her way to the door, her hand clasped in his.
"Goodnight." He said. "I love you."
"Goodnight." She returned. "I love you, too" She added hesitantly.
AN: So here it is. I've tried really hard to capture and respect Shikako's viewpoint here, and even draw from my own experiences for both of them. I hope I've succeeded in that, and rest assured I generally try to write characters as though they were looking over my shoulder. That's not to say they would always do exactly what I'd written, but I do my best, especially with this topic, to make sure they wouldn't feel offended by my portrayal of them and their actions. To that end, they will be going quite slowly as they both, but Shikako in particular, grow more and more comfortable with each other and the new roles they are adding into their lives. Keep in mind also, that this IS NOT a story that always immediately picks up where the previous chapter begins. The chapters of this often fit into the undescribed spaces between the regular DOS chapters, or added into them. So while the next chapter will be their first date, the next chapters might be just before, and during the Mist chapters, while the ones after that might take place a few weeks from that. Consider that when referring to how fast or slow they decide to progress, as well as what they've been comfortable with as friends.
