IX. A Person Worries About the Past, is Upset About the Present, and Fears the Future.
"McGee's on babysitting duties tonight?" Tony asked as they started eating the bolognaise Ziva had cooked.
"Yes." She smiled.
"Hey, you ok?" He frowned, covering her hand with his.
"What do you think about children, Tony?" She pushed her pasta around on her plate with her fork.
"I never know how to talk to them." He shrugged.
"Do you ever want children?"
"I don't know, maybe when I'm older, more mature." He looked at her and frowned. "What's with all the questions?" She sat silently for some time before looking at him.
"I am pregnant, Tony." She sighed, watching him as he processed the bomb she had dropped.
"Well, that's…that's great." He nodded and smiled. "Really." He stood up and walked over to her.
"You are ok with this?" She smiled as he pulled her into a hug, kissing the top of her head.
"Of course." He swallowed, hiding his face in her hair. She buried her head in his shirt, ignoring the uneasiness she felt. Maybe there were better ways to tell him. All she wanted was for him to look happy, was that so much to ask? Who was she kidding, it was Tony, he was probably just as nervous as she was, that was why he didn't look happy. He was happy, just the nerves were more powerful.
Tony eased himself out of bed, careful not to wake the woman sleeping beside him. He had watched her sleep, thinking about children. His watch said 0045. Gibbs would still be working on his boat. He slipped his jeans on along with a sweater and crept out of Ziva's apartment as quietly as possible.
"It's polite to knock." Gibbs said as Tony walked down the steps into the basement.
"You never, boss." He shrugged, pulling a bench up and sitting.
"You want something, DiNozzo?"
"I… Me and Ziva broke rule twelve." He sighed.
"I know." He shrugged, emptying out two glass jars and pouring bourbon into them.
"Yeah, well, boss we were being careful…wait, how'd you know?"
"Not difficult to work it out."
"Why didn't you say something when you did?" He asked, taking the glass.
"What, in front of McGee and the director over a video call? I may be many things, but I am not indiscrete."
"Right, well we were being careful, or at least I thought we were, but apparently we weren't, 'cos…"
"She's pregnant? Yeah, DiNozzo, I know."
"Ok, how do you know that?" He laughed.
"I walked in on Abby running Ziva's blood." Jethro smiled.
"I don't know what to do, boss." The Italian sighed. "And I know you're going to yell at me for dating a co-worker and all, but I just want your advice."
"I got nothing to yell at you at all." Gibbs shrugged.
"You don't? Aren't you pissed that we broke your rules?"
"Well yeah, DiNozzo, but they aren't official agency rules. I can't do anything about it."
"What would you do about it if you could?" Tony frowned.
"I don't think I would. I'd give you grief about it, still might, but you and Ziva are two of the best agents I have ever worked with."
"Ziva's not technically an agent, she's an officer of Mossad."
"I know that, DiNozzo! I'm trying to pay you a complement here." Gibbs shook his head.
"Sorry, boss." He looked at Gibbs glare. "Not apologising boss, just, uh…talking to my self. You can continue, boss."
"You are two of the best I have ever worked with, I don't want to do anything to ruin that." He shrugged.
"But what if I've done something to ruin that?" Tony stood up and leaned against the boat.
"What did you say, Tony?"
"Nothing. But I just… I was stunned. I mean, I'm me, I'm not exactly the father type!"
"Yeah, you are, you just don't realise it." Gibbs smiled.
"So what do I do?" He asked.
"You figure it out."
"Well yeah, boss, but I came here for advice, not to be told to figure it out on my own."
"No, you figure out that you're gonna be a good dad, DiNozzo." He shook his head in a classic Gibbs style.
"Oh, right. Yeah, of course." He nodded. "How do I do that?"
"Talk about it with Ziva, spend some time with Elsie and Mina, heck, watch kids films if it makes you feel better." He sighed. "I'm going to bed." He climbed up the stairs and hit the light switch, leaving Tony in the dark.
The room was dark. The bed was cold next to her when she sat up. He wasn't there. She felt her heart sink. She stood up and walked to the kitchen, pouring a glass of water. Pulling jogging bottoms and a sweatshirt on, she walked out of her apartment, leaving the glass of water on the side, and drove off. She arrived at the navy yard in record time, stormed down to the gym and started beating the metaphorical life out of a punching bag, barely waiting for the motion-sensor lights to flicker on.
She didn't know what time it was when she pulled a grey blanket from the locker that someone, probably Gibbs, had stockpiled with second hand military government issue woollen blankets and curled up on a mat in the corner of the room, falling asleep almost instantly.
He unlocked her apartment, stepping in and frowning at the light seeping from under the door to the bedroom. He pushed it open slightly, frowning at the empty bed and the rumpled covers. Ziva never left the bed unmade if she could help it. Nor did she leave the light on. He checked the rest of her home, finding nothing but a half empty glass of water. Turning his phone on, Tony scrolled through his contacts, hovering over Gibbs; he didn't want to disturb him again. He moved on to McGee, shaking his head and scrolling back up to Abby. Abby knew and was possibly the first person Ziva would go to for advise, on something like this anyway.
"Abby Sciuto, what is your forensics emergency?" She answered on the third ring.
"Abby, Ziva isn't with you, is she?" He asked.
"No, Tony, why would she be at my place?"
"Because she isn't at her place. Wait, what are you doing awake, it's like 2 am?"
"Well you called me and I woke up and answered my phone." She said.
"Abby, do you drink Caf-Pows in your sleep or something, you sound more awake than I do when I'm awake."
"Tony, where is Ziva?" Abby asked.
"That's why I am calling you. I went to Gibbs to talk to him, and when I got back she wasn't here and it looks like she left in a hurry and I don't know why…"
"Tony, breath. Can you think of any reason to think why she would leave?"
"I don't know Abby, can you?"
"I don't know what you could be talking about."
"I know she's pregnant and I know you know." He said, sitting on the sofa.
"Oh. Well I don't know why that would make her leave. Wait, did you say something that you shouldn't have. Or you didn't say something that you should have?" He could hear the disapproval in her voice.
"I don't know, I was stunned. Look, I've been through this with Gibbs already tonight, I just need you to tell me where she might be."
"Try Gibbs."
"Abby, I don't want to bother Gibbs." He sighed. "Again."
"How about McGee?"
"I doubt it." Tony sighed. "I guess I could try."
"You are happy about this, aren't you?" Abby said.
"Happy about having to call McGee at two in the morning? No." Tony said.
"Tony, that's not what I mean." She said. She was worried about her friends. What if it didn't work. What if something went wrong. She didn't want anything to hurt them. They were her friends.
"Of course I am happy about this Abs." He laughed, not sure that his voice sounded as confident as he wanted it to.
"Tony, don't screw this up." She said quietly.
"I won't, Abby. That's a promise, alright?"
"Mmhm. Goodnight, Tony."
"Night, Abby." He hung up his phone and closed his eyes. Abby was right. He couldn't mess this up.
He was so tired.
Coffee.
He needed Coffee.
He needed to stay awake.
He stood up and made his way to her kitchen. He started the coffee machine. Caffeine.
He allowed the smell of coffee to envelope him. He held the steaming mug in his hand and drank the hot liquid, waiting for the caffeine to kick in. Halfway through the mug he placed it down, picked his phone up and dialled Tim's number, waiting for him to pick up. "Probielicious."
"Tony, what do you want." He sighed.
"Is Ziva there with you?"
"No, why? Did you two have an argument?" McGee asked. He was tired. He had lost count of how many times Mina had woken, how many bad dreams Elsie had had. He didn't understand how parents could do it.
"You could say that. Do you know where she is?"
"No, Tony. I don't, I'm sorry."
"That's fine, Tim. Sorry for disturbing you." He sighed, switching his phone off. He yawned. When was the last time he slept? He hadn't slept in two days. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, not resisting sleep as it engulfed his mind.
