Chapter 3
Shego arrived at the timeshare lair after a quiet, lonesome flight. Professor Dementor was sitting at the dining room table, quietly drinking a cup of coffee while he flipped through an issue of Doomsday, a villain's tabloid full of the sensationalist trash Shego hated.
"Hey, prof." Shego said as she parked her suitcase. "So, the Timeshare Lair? Pretty original."
Dementor threw his coffee mug and bounded ragefully across the room. "Shego, you made me wait thirty-seven minutes! Why did you make me wait?! I hate ze waiting! You made me read Doomsday and it wasn't even this week's issue!" He dropped the magazine as his eyes fell on Shego's black suitcase. "Is zat a Louis Vuitton suitcase?! How could you afford zat?! I know Drakken hardly paid you anything!"
Shego pointed to herself. "Hello? Villain? I stole it."
"Oh, in zat case, my sister, Hildegard's birthday is coming up next week. Do you think you could steal another one?"
"Only if you let me stuff you inside it."
"Ha! Zat is funny because I would actually fit!"
"Could you stop yelling at me like I'm a mile away? That's not exactly how people communicate."
"I am renting this timeshare with my money! I will control ze volume level! Now, because of your tardiness, you missed the mission briefing. I suppose it will have to wait until ze morning. Oh, I hate when my students are late to class! I am marking you down a letter grade on your performance evaluation chart!"
"My what?"
Dementor ran to his desk and returned with a white clipboard upon which was attached Shego's picture and a grading rubric.
He scribbled on the clipboard with a red pen and held it up to Shego. "Your performance evaluation chart. I decided to grade my employees based on their performance. You know, I figured I should play off the whole professor thing. Clever, huh?"
"Uh-huh, clever. Where's my room?"
"Ah, well, you see, I built a dormitory for my employees to instill in them a sense of comradery. It's just down the street. I could call a cab—"
Shego crouched down and poked him in the chest. "No, I am not sharing a room."
Dementor laughed nervously. "I know zat. You are my only female employee, so I have a private room for you." He tossed her a key. "Up the stairs, third door on the left."
Shego sighed and rubbed her forehead. "Great. The room Drakken always gave me."
Shego loved solitude. To her, time by herself was time well spent. If she was alone, she didn't have to meet the emotional needs of people she didn't care about. All she had to worry about was taking care of herself—the only person she could understand and rely on. Everyone else hid behind their masks, trying to deceive each other. It wasn't worth the effort to please them. That was why Shego couldn't care less about how a bunch of strangers judged her. To her, that UN ceremony was just a show to try and manipulate them. Those ambassadors were all disingenuous hacks, only concerned about their own reputations, so why did that medal mean so much to Drakken?
Shego threw herself onto the queen-size bed and stared up at the blue-green ceiling. Maybe that was what had drawn her to Drakken. Sure, she hated fixing other people's mistakes, but at least Drakken was straightforward and honest. He didn't keep secrets—not serious ones anyway—and he wore his heart on his sleeve. He even showed concern for Shego's own problems, though she was loath to share them.
Now as she lay on her back, reflecting on the past five years, Shego began to realize that Drakken was the only person who genuinely cared about her.
She grabbed a pillow and hugged it to her chest. "Ugh! Please don't tell me I walked out on the one guy who would've done anything for me." She rolled onto her side. "But why didn't he try to stop me? He wanted me to stay, right?"
A beam of moonlight pierced through a gap in the drapery and landed on the nightstand, just inches from Shego's face. It reflected off a filmy object—a picture to be precise. It had been caught underneath the lampstand and had obviously lain there for many weeks, judging by its grainy blanket of dust. Shego slowly pulled the picture out from underneath the lamp and dusted it with the back of her glove.
She smiled as the image became clearer. "I remember this."
It was a picture of her at the pool just outside the timeshare lair. Drakken had taken it right after he drenched her with a torrential splash from his ridiculous high dive attempt. Of course, she was scowling in the picture, but Shego couldn't help but laugh at it now.
"Am I that scary when I frown like that? I guess I was pretty embarrassed, but at least Drakken was having a good time."
Suddenly, a warm feeling overcame her, making her heart race a little before relaxing into a steady rhythm.
"No way . . ." she whispered. "Well, maybe being alone all the time would get kinda boring."
Shego held the picture to her chest and sighed. Soon, her sighs deepened, and she fell into a peaceful slumber.
Saltwater gently tickled her feet. Shego gasped as she opened her eyes and took in the beautiful vista. She was back at the cove outside Drakken's lair. Only now the sky was in that gray limbo that welcomes the dawn. A red orb was rising out of the sea, casting a fiery glow that warmed her bare skin. Shego looked down to see that she was sitting on the beach in her green bathing suit, letting the cool water wash over her lower half. It was the most beautiful sight she had ever seen. She breathed in the salty air and a euphoric feeling of peace veiled her heart. She was utterly alone and content. Or so she thought.
Shego kept wrapping her arms around nothing, as though she were trying to embrace the air.
Something's missing. Why do I feel like I want to hold something?
"Shego!" a voice called out from above.
It was Drakken standing on the edge of the bluff.
"Hey Drew! Come down here. There's something I want to show you."
Hold on. Why am I calling him 'Drew' unironically?
"No, Shego! You have to get up here or we're going to be late!"
"What are you talking about?"
"Shego, get up here right now!"
"Shego, get up or you're going to be late for breakfast!" Dementor shouted as he banged on the door. "I had it catered by Chez Mal! Do you have any idea how much it costs to order food up here in the middle of nowhere?!"
Shego shot a plasma bolt at the door, disintegrating a hole right where Dementor's face was.
"I'll be there when I'm ready!" she roared.
Dementor blinked several times at the hole. "Fine, but your white chocolate caramel latte is getting colder by ze second!"
He walked away, quietly sipping his own latte.
Shego groaned and propped herself up with one arm. She glanced down to see the picture still pressed tightly against her bosom. Thankful that she hadn't crushed it in her sleep, she tucked it away in one of the outer pockets of her suitcase.
She sat on the edge of the bed and sighed. Though she wanted nothing more than to lay in bed and fantasize about her dream, she knew she had to get to work. After all, if she didn't live out her villainous creed then she might as well go back to Drakken.
Still, she recalled the subtle warmth of her dream and smiled. "I knew part of me was still at that cove."
"I cannot believe you skipped breakfast!" Dementor shouted, slamming his fists on the dining room table. "I offer you my hospitality and you do not even acknowledge it? You know, there are certain rules of etiquette I expect my students to uphold."
Shego sat down at the table and crossed her legs. "I'm not your student. I'm your employee."
"Well then, let's get down to business, shall we? Franz!"
One of Dementor's henchmen ran to the table and handed him a cylindrical metal object.
"This is a Tritium fuel rod—the power source for my new Subterranean Vaporizer."
"Oh, drilling into the mantle, prof? Drakken already tried that—didn't go too well."
He formed an 'X' with his arms. "Incorrect! I intend to sabotage the Demends family reunion by vaporizing the entire Turlock Basin, cutting off the water supply for California's major cities!"
"Hold on! Let me get this straight. You're cutting millions of people off from their water just so you can skip your family reunion?"
"Yes, what is wrong with zat?"
"Oh, nothing much, really. Just, ya know, everything! If you don't want to go, then don't go. I mean, at least Drakken's plans had some coherence."
"Do not compare me to that babbling blue buffoon! Oh, you've ruined my morning. And I can't just not show up. Then my mother will jingle me, and I'll have to come up with an excuse. Then she'll make me promise to come to the next one and everyone will want to know why I wasn't at last year's. No, it's not worth it."
"Then go to the reunion, sign the book, and get out."
Dementor waved his arms in an outrageous manner. "No! Zat is out of ze question. I cannot risk getting dragged into one of Myron's kuku clock lectures. The man has more kuku clocks than all of Switzerland!"
Shego raised her hands defensively. "Alright, I get it. I understand the whole not wanting to be associated with your family thing. So, where's this fuel cell?"
"The Tritium fuel rod is at a military instillation in southern Nevada. One of my henchmen will fly you to it."
"Wait. Not even Drakken was crazy enough to send me into a military base on my own. He at least gave me a giant poodle."
"Come now, Shego. This should be a simple task for someone of your skills. Drakken told me you were ze best of ze best. You wouldn't want to prove him wrong, would you?"
Shego leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. "Alright. When do I leave?"
"Immediately! Once you reach ze drop-off point, breach the base's nuclear containment facility. It holds many hazardous materials, so the lockdown sequence will be initiated as soon as you enter. Then you will be free to take the Tritium fuel rod and go."
"Is that it? This'll be easy money."
"Don't count on it, Shego. Many of those materials emit lethal levels of radiation, including the Tritium. It will take an extreme amount of caution if you wish to return unscarred."
"Don't worry, prof." She tapped her Cell Rejuvenation Belt. "I won't go down easy."
"Fine. Go! My students never listen to my advice!"
Shego rose and left the timeshare lair, wanting desperately to get as far away from Dementor as possible. A few minutes passed and one of Dementor's henchman approached him with no small amount of anxiety.
He saluted the professor. "Sir, the target has left the perimeter. Shall we pursue?"
Dementor waved his hand as he sipped his latte. "Yes, Franz, Follow her. Make sure she returns to Drakken in a body bag."
