Chapter 5

It was already evening on the next day by the time Shego returned to Drakken's lair. She parked her jet ski and marveled at the sea's red-orange reflections, recalling her dream from the night before last. The sun would be setting soon. She knew that cove would offer a stunning view, but this was no time for blissful sightseeing. She had to confirm Drakken's safety.

Shego nervously rapped her fist against the steel blue door of the lair. It was a strange feeling to have to knock, despite Drakken's potential peril. For years, the lair had felt like her home, but now she wasn't sure if he would welcome her back.

The door slid open and Drakken emerged, shaking his fist wildly. "If you're here to sell me those Encyclopedias of Evil, don't bother. I—Shego!"

He threw his arms around her waist, hugging her so hard he lifted her off the ground, though only slightly.

Quite relieved to find him well, Shego awkwardly placed her hands on his shoulders. "Calm down Dr. D. I was only gone for two days."

"Uh, so are you gonna put me down or do I have to blast you off?" She tried to sound annoyed, but she was secretly quite pleased that he missed her so badly.

Drakken quickly released her and took a wide step back. "Heh-heh, sorry."

She put her hands on her hips. "So, Dementor hasn't been around, has he?"

Drakken furrowed his brow. "No, not unless he was disguised as an encyclopedia salesman."

"Great. . . . Can I come in?"

"Yes, of course!" He beckoned her inside, and she followed, dragging her suitcase behind her. "You are coming back to work for me, right? You didn't just forget something like your makeup case?"

"Yeah, I'm in for the long haul." Her eyes widened. "Wait. How did you know I left that?"

"Oh, lucky guess."

Drakken sprinted to his filing cabinet, furiously flipped through it, and ripped out Shego's contract. "Now, let's renegotiate the terms of your contract. I think you'll find my new proposals quite favorable. How does four weeks of paid vacation and your own kitchenette sound?"

She snatched the folder out of his hand and incinerated it with a flash of plasma.

"I guess that's a no, then. . . . Shego! Why did you do that? You know I'm too old school to keep a digital copy!"

Shego blew the ash off her hand. "I said I was in for the long haul, didn't I? Don't think of me as an employee—more like a partner in crime or whatever it is you're into now."

Drakken clasped his hands and beamed at her. "You mean you're going to work for me, and I don't have to pay you? Oh, I must be dreaming! Well, I hope this isn't the one where I accidentally put in the wrong tape at karaoke night and you manage to upstage me."

"Wake up, Dr. D. You've still gotta put me up, and I want in on everything you're doing around here, evil or not. . . . And I upstage you every karaoke night."

Drakken sat down at his desk and crossed his arms. "Fine, but don't expect any thrilling heists or convoluted doomsday plots. I really am taking a break from evil."

"I know, I know. You're an honest man now and that's okay. I just wanna help out with whatever you've got going on—even if it's super boring. Just no housework, got it?"

Drakken furrowed his brow. "That's uncharacteristically kind of you, Shego. Well, I'm not that busy right now, so you can—"

"Oh, really? And what's up with that giant stack of papers on your desk? Wait. Weren't you working on that when I left?"

Drakken leaped in front of the papers. "Why are you being so nosy? I didn't ask you why you were dressed like a flirtatious office worker."

Shego stiffened and covered herself with her arms. "I got into a little scrape, okay? I had to change. Now come on, what's with all the paperwork? You finally decided to pay your back taxes?"

"No, but did you have to remind me?!" He groaned and clenched his fists. "I was supposed to keep this a secret, but I guess you'll find out sooner or later. That's my college application."

"Oh no."

"That's right, Shego. You're looking at a PhD candidate for the International University of Villainy!"

"A university for villains?" Shego laughed. "Sorry, Dr. D, but there's no way a school like that is accredited."

"Villains don't need accreditation. They live under their own authority."

"Yeah, that's nice, but what happened to taking a break from evil? You know, the reason I left?"

"I'll be studying evil, not committing it. There's a difference. And besides, you know what they say about choosing a college degree—best to stick with what you know."

Shego sighed. "Ugh, fine, whatever, but if you ask me, this is just a waste of time. A PhD isn't exactly gonna help you conquer the world."

Drakken clasped her shoulder. "This isn't about world domination, Shego. I just want my brilliance to be recognized by fellow evil geniuses."

"Uh-huh, ya sure you're not just worried that Kimmy's gonna get a college degree before you do?"

"Ha! That's absurd! I don't need a degree to prove that I'm smarter than a teenager. . . . Besides, I already did the math. As long as my credits transfer, I should graduate before she does."

"Yeah, but at least she'll have a degree from a real school."

Drakken clenched his fists and groaned. "What does it matter? I'm perfectly confident in my own blue skin, and I thought you said you were going to help me!"

Shego recoiled, somewhat offended. "Of course I want to help you. I want to help you make the decisions that are best for you and trust me, this is not one of 'em."

Drakken blinked several times. "Shego, I had no idea you cared so much about me. Thank you."

Her face reddened and she stared down at the floor. "I-uh-well . . ."

Drakken poked her arm. "What's the matter, Shego? Did a little sincere gratitude short-circuit your brain?"

Shego swatted his hand away. "Hey, you can't mock me. That's not how this relationship works."

"Fine." He rubbed his hand gingerly. "Actually, speaking of our relationship, can I be perfectly honest for a moment?"

Her eyes widened and she nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, sure, but let's take this somewhere else. I've been walking all day and these heels are killin' me."

Shego took off her shoes and sat down on a nearby sofa while Drakken ran deeper into the lab for some unconceivable reason.

She hugged one of the cold, hard pillows against her stomach and sighed. "What if he asks me why I'm being so nice? Should I tell him about the stims? No, can't give him too much clout."

Drakken returned with two glasses of cocoa moo and set one on a coaster in front of her. He then sat down in a chair at her side and sipped his cocoa moo in utter contentment.

Shego frowned. "You know you can sit next to me, Dr. D."

"No, I think I'll stay over here—just out of claw's reach." He cleared his throat and set his glass aside. "Now, about our relationship . . . um, what is it exactly?"

"I told you. I'm like your partner in crime."

"Well, yes, but we're not committing any crime, so . . . we're just partners then?

"Yeah, partners . . ." She squirmed in her seat. "Look, since we're being honest, I need to say a few things. After I left, I did a lot of thinking and I realized that my place is here with you." She clenched her fists as if she was about to explode from embarrassment. "So let me support you, alright?!"

Drakken smiled slightly. "Shego, I can't believe it. That was exactly what I thought after you left."

"Wait. Seriously?"

"Yes! Once you were gone, I realized that you were the only constant force in my life. Without you, my life had no structure, no purpose. I was just a raving lunatic!"

"Pretty sure you are with or without me, but thanks. That means a lot, Drakken."

Suddenly, a sharp pain shot to her head and she doubled over.

"What's wrong? All the niceness hurting your brain?"

"No, it's . . . just a migraine. I might go lay down for a bit. I'm exhausted."

Shego stood up, grabbed her suitcase, and started walking toward her room, but Drakken nimbly jumped in front of her, waving his arms wildly. "Uh, actually, why don't you let me take a look at that migraine? I am a doctor after all."

"Yeah, ask me again when you've got an MD by your name, and you know what we agreed on—no scanning, no probing, and no blood tests."

"Indeed, and no contract to bind me to those terms. Come now, Shego."

He started to put his arm around her, but She pushed him away. "Hey, just because we don't have a contract doesn't mean you can do whatever you want. This is my home too, you know."

"Can't I have a little concern for my partner?" He glanced down at the floor. "And there's something you should know about your home. . . ."

"Oh no. Don't tell me—"

"Now listen, Shego. When the wayward daughter comes home, she can't expect everything to be exactly the same."

Shego grabbed him by his collar. "Call me a wayward daughter again and I'll throw you through a wall. Now, what did you do?"

Even though she was inches from his face, he couldn't meet her eyes. "I might have turned your room into my own personal gym."

"You did what?!"

She staggered back, her form trembling. It was all quite absurd, even for Drakken.

"Hear me out, Shego. With you gone, I realized I'd have to handle more of the grunt work—I mean, heavy lifting. . . . I knew I'd have to learn how to handle myself in a fight, so a gym seemed like the logical conclusion."

"But I was only gone for two days!"

"Well, the henchmen helped me move the equipment, but don't worry—they can't use it."

"No, I mean, you started tearing up my room right after I left? Weren't you—oh, I don't know—upset that I had abandoned you?!"

Drakken's eyes widened. "Shego, I'm shocked. After all these years you still don't understand how I handle grief."

She covered her face with her hands. "Why did I have to ask?"

"I tore up your room because I was so upset! I'm a mad scientist—I deal with my emotions by devising ridiculous projects, and I had to do something with your room. Every time I walked by that door, I remembered the halcyon days of years past when we would suffer humiliating defeats at the hands of a teenage girl and how it never failed that no matter how brilliant a scheme I concocted, you had a sarcastic comment loaded in the chamber, ready to fire at my tender ego. I had to find some way to move on, but deep down I knew that I could never forget those days and that I would never use the new gym."

"You spent hours practicing that little monologue, didn't you?"

He scowled at her. "Only one."

"Well, I'm touched, Drakken . . . but where am I supposed to sleep?"

"Just use my room. I never sleep there."

Shego crossed her arms into an "X" shape. "No way! You only get one hour of sleep a day and it better be as restful as possible."

Drakken stepped closer and whispered, "Shego, please avoid using the p-word whenever . . . well, you know." He resumed a dignified stance. "And I assure you, I'm perfectly comfortable sleeping in my desk chair."

"Oh yeah? Let's ask your spine, shall we?"

Shego spun around and playfully kicked him in the back. With a sharp yelp he doubled over, gripping his lower back.

He turned around and shook his fist at her. "Agh! That proves nothing. You know I've had a weak lumbar region since I was a boy."

She folded her arms and stared down at him. "Uh-huh. Face it, Drakken. You're ruining your health staying up like this. You need to learn how to take care of yourself."

"Who are you, my mother? Are you going to bring me a heating pad and another glass of cocoa moo . . . because that would be quite kind."

Shego flared her plasma claws. "Sure, Dr. D. I've got two heating pads right here and I'm about to slam 'em into your back if you don't go to bed right now—come on."

He recoiled slightly. "A thuggish woman like you could never understand."

She extinguished her hands in shock. "Excuse me?"

Drakken raised his arms and gazed at the expansive ceiling in wonder. "This room is more than just a lab. It's a part of me—like a dark alcove in my heart. When I sleep here it doesn't just heal my body." He wiped a tear from his eye. "It heals my soul."

Shego stared at him, her mouth wide open, then burst into a frenzy of hyenic cackling. "Oh, that was just too great!"

"Shego, I was being sincere."

"I know, I know. Why do ya think I'm laughing?" She put her arm around him and started leading him up the stairs. "Now come on. Let's go to bed."

Drakken jerked away from her. "Um, I know you've been gone a while so in case you forgot—there's only one bed in my room! Even a social novice like me has boundaries."

Shego withdrew into herself, hunching over and crossing her arms over her chest. "Oh, right. . . . S-sorry."

She had made a huge mistake. She was having such a fun conversation with Drakken and now it was ruined. How could she be so careless? No, it was not carelessness at all. She had grown so comfortable talking with him that her reclusive barrier had fallen, releasing her natural feelings.

Who's the social novice here?

"Well, Drakken, I'll just go now. . . . And thanks for letting me use your room."

"Shego, you do realize it's my fault you have to use it at all?" He put his hand to his chin. "You're acting very strange."

"I've lived with you for five years—I deserve to be a little strange every once in a while!"

With no small amount of shame, she ran up the stairs and found Drakken's room at the end of the corridor. In all her years at the lair, she had never once seen the inside of Drakken's room, though she had a vague idea of what to expect: An all but abandoned hovel.

She opened the door to find that she was not far off the mark in her assumptions. There was a wide bed, blanketed with dust but otherwise perfectly adequate, especially for one like Shego whose body was utterly exhausted. There was a simple black nightstand with a wrought iron lamp that somehow made the windowless room even darker. Next to the nightstand was a matching dresser that was completely bare save for an empty picture frame. It was quite an unsettling piece of décor, but Shego was hardly fazed. She knew Drakken was just the type of insane, introverted intellectual who would prop up an empty picture frame in his room.

Seeing the frame, Shego remembered the picture she had taken from the timeshare lair. She took the photo out of her suitcase and started to put it in the frame but stopped when she noticed that it had a much thinner coating of dust than the dresser beneath it.

"So Drakken took the photo out recently, but he left the frame sitting here. Okay—maybe a little creepy."

She set the frame aside and looked down at the picture in her hands—more specifically at the scowling countenance that stared back at her. For some reason, it gave her a sense of warmth—a subtle joy of sorts. It was a strange feeling. Shego wasn't one to get sentimental over anything, let alone a picture. Of course, she had been experiencing a litany of unusual feelings over the past two days, so what was one more?

"Definitely not my best look." she murmured. "I wish I had smiled for him."

She dropped the picture on the nightstand and changed into her green velvet pajamas. She let herself fall sideways onto the bed and crawled under the covers that were still tucked tightly beneath the mattress. She felt as though she were getting into the freshly made bed of a hotel room. There really was no sign that Drakken had been living here. Even the air had no scent.

As she lay in the stillness, her thoughts drifted to that dreadful conversation she had with Drakken moments earlier.

What was so wrong about what I said? I'm just worried about his health. I don't care if we sleep together, as long as he sleeps at all.

Shego laughed quietly to herself.

That's just silly. He'd never agree to that . . . but what if I told him that he saved my life and that I want to take care of him? No, I can't look weak in front of him, but it's only a matter of time. He can already tell I'm acting strange.

Shego pulled at her hair and screamed. "That idiot! We've lived together for five years. It'd be strange if I didn't care about him. Maybe I should've been clearer with my intentions. . . . It's not like it matters anyway. He'll forget about it by morning."


When Shego woke up, she changed into her uniform and immediately headed towards the lab, ignoring the protests of her splitting headache that had now multiplied in intensity.

She winced and gripped her head. "Maybe I should figure out how to do my own brain scan. . . ."

The lab was oddly quiet and upon closer inspection she found the reason why—Drakken was sleeping soundly on the sofa. He was laying on his back with his hands clasped over his stomach. It was quite a funereal image, but Shego could tell he had fallen asleep, quite satisfied with whatever he was working on.

"I can't believe it. He actually listened to me." She couldn't help but smile. "I guess I'll go for a walk on the beach."

She opened the blue steel door and Drakken sat up with a start.

"Wah!" he screamed. "Shego, where are you going? I was just about to execute the next step in my plan."

Shego returned inside and leaned over the back of the sofa. "Really? Ya sure you didn't dream up your plan? Is that how you gave up being evil? You're an honest man in the real world, but you live out your doomsday fantasies in your dreams?"

"I was referring to my college application." He ran to his desk and grabbed a binder that was a good three inches thick. "It's complete! And just in time—it has to be postmarked by tomorrow."

He bounded down the corridor, clutching the binder to his chest like a nervous schoolboy. "Come on, Shego. Let's go to the post office."

"You're kidding, right? Why do I have to come?"

"Because we're making another stop on our way back. There's just one more obstacle I have to overcome in my pursuit for academic acclaim."

"And what kind of obstacle is that?"

"A financial one—I need a loan for my tuition."

Shego doubled over laughing. "Oh, this is great! It's tough being a good guy, huh?"

"Yes," he growled. "but don't worry. Just because I'm living a clean life doesn't mean I'll let them swindle me."

"So you want me to do some aggressive negotiating?"

Drakken smiled shyly. "Would you be so kind?"

Shego took his hand and continued down the corridor. "Come on, Dr. D. Let's get your student loan so you can go to super villain school."

"I'm not a child, Shego. I can handle my own finances. By the way, how does fifteen percent interest sound, or do you think I could shoot for twelve?"

"Yeah, maybe you should go back to bed."


Shego sat down next to Drakken on a white leather loveseat. It was a little cramped, but she tried not to show her discomfort. Across from her, in a high-back leather armchair sat Señor Senior, Senior.

The old man smiled at his guests. "Ah, Dr. Drakken, it is an honor to have you join me in my lair on this fine day, ripe for ruining." His eyes narrowed at Shego. "Though I cannot say the same for your imperious vixen."

Shego jumped up and leaned over him. "Call me that again, gramps, and I'll feed you to—"

Drakken grabbed her by the waist and pulled her back down to her seat. "My apologies, Senior. It seems my assistant doesn't know when to hold her tongue."

Shego clenched her teeth and slumped down in her seat.

"All is forgiven, Doctor." Senior folded his hands over the head of his cane. "Now, to what do I owe this great pleasure?"

"You didn't tell him why you were coming?" Shego whispered harshly.

Drakken elbowed her and leaned forward. "You see, Senior, I recently applied to a PhD program at the International University of Villainy."

"Ah, I have many friends from IUV."

"How is that possible?!" Drakken yelled, suddenly outraged. "IUV is the most exclusive evil society in the world!"

"Well, it helps to sponsor their most prestigious scholarship."

Drakken's jaw dropped. "You fund the Doomsday Grant?"

"Indeed." He furrowed his brow. "You sadden me, Doctor. I would expect a man of your talents to do his research."

"Well, forgive my ignorance, but they are very protective of their associates."

"Yes, I suppose that's true. . . . Well, I'm sure the university would be most fortunate to have you."

"Yes, yes, I know they'll accept me, but there's a slight issue."

"Oh?"

"After rebuilding my lair, I'm a little low on funds, so I hope you'll consider me for your scholarship."

Senior's eyes widened. "Ah, and the truth reveals itself, and what a sad truth it is. I'm afraid I must disappoint you, Doctor."

"What do you mean?"

"I would love nothing more than to support your villainous academic endeavors, but you must understand I have a reputation to uphold—an evil reputation, yes, but a reputation nonetheless. You see, if word got out that I was backing a villain who is on an evil hiatus, my bad name would be ruined."

"You know about my evil hiatus?!"

"Everyone knows about it, Doctor. Do you not read the headlines? 'The Dragon has been de-clawed,' 'the Dragon sleeps in his lair,' 'the Dragon hordes his treasure from the UN,' and other such reptilian metaphors. They grew quite tiresome, really."

Drakken threw his hands in the air. "Wonderful! Every villain in the world knows I'm getting soft. Fine, forget the scholarship. Let's talk loans. All I need is two hundred thousand dollars."

Senior sighed and shook his head. "It is a paltry sum, yes, but I'm afraid I must decline. You must understand what a difficult position I am in, Doctor—it is too risky. Why don't you use that—oh, what do you commoners call it—financial aid?"

"Financial aid? The government's not going to pay for me to get a degree in Evil Science. . . . Well, now that I think about it—"

Shego grabbed his arm and pulled him away from Senior. "Come on, Drakken. This is going nowhere."

He tried desperately to wrench his arm away from her. "Shego, I won't let you shatter my dreams of academic acclaim!"

"I know, Dr. D. Just leave it to me, okay?"

She released him and walked over to Señor Senior, Junior who was sitting at his desk, absently flipping through a magazine.

The young man looked up at her and smiled. "Shego, when did you get here?"

"Hey, Junior, ya got two hundred grand I can borrow?"

He immediately pulled out his checkbook and started filling it out. "Of course! Anything for the woman who helped save my father's birthday."

He handed her the check and Senior shot up from his chair in protest. "Junior, what did I teach you about spending your money wisely?"

"Um, Father, you never taught me anything about spending my money wisely."

He stroked his chin. "Oh, that's right. Well, what's done is done. Come, Junior. Let us leave this green, ghoulish femme fatale and practice flaunting our exorbitant wealth."

"Whatever you say, Father."

Shego ignored them and gave Drakken the check.

"I can't believe it! That was brilliant, Shego! How did you—" His eyes focused on the check. "Wait, he made this check out to you, Shego."

"That's right."

He crumpled the check in his fist. "Then I still can't pay for my tuition! How could you betray me like this?!"

She snatched the flimsy piece of paper out of his hand. "Could you calm down for one second? I'm gonna pay for it."

He beamed at her and wiped his eyes. "Shego, that's . . . I-I don't know what to say." He shakily reached his arms out toward her. "Can I give you a hug—a real one?"

She trembled slightly. "Well, yeah, I guess. . . ."

Shego put her arms around his neck and released a sigh. She felt his arms around her waist and her face quickly reddened.

She pushed him away. "Okay, that's enough. Let's just go home."

"Yes, and then, off to the academy."


Two months had passed, and the cool autumn air was crystallizing into snowbound winds. Shego hated winter. The ceilings in the lair were so high that it was difficult to heat, but more importantly, winter was the island's stormy season, so she wouldn't get many chances to walk on the beach.

She was sitting in the lab, trying to ease her throbbing head when Drakken barreled in with two massive suitcases and a backpack.

"Well, Shego, it's finally time to embark on my academic adventure."

"They already accepted you?" She jumped up and ran over to him. "And where did you get this stuff? I know it wasn't in your room."

"Of course they accepted me—I'm a mad genius! That application was just a formality."

"Well, alright, but you better study hard. Don't forget I'm footing the bill."

Shego winced and grabbed the sides of her head.

Drakken's face fell. "Is that migraine still bothering you? Why don't you let me do a brain scan before I go?"

She thrust out her hand. "No, that's okay, but . . . uh, do you remember those stims you gave me before I left?

"My Cell Rejuvenating Super Serum?"

"Yeah, that one. Let's just say I took three of those at once—what would happen?"

"Instant death, I'd imagine."

Her eyes widened. "Okay, great, but what did you test it on?"

"Oh, just a few rats and eventually myself. Why are you interrogating me like this? Did you misuse the serum?"

She backed away, holding up her hands defensively. "No! Wh-why would you think that? I was just stalling because I don't want you to leave."

Drakken dropped his bags and placed his hand on her shoulder. "Oh, Shego, there's no need to be sad. I'll be back before you know it. This is just one step on my quest for world domination—er, I mean validation."

She gave him a sullen look. "Yeah, I know, but you better call me every day, and please try to take care of yourself."

He laughed pleasantly. "Whatever you say, Shego. Now, I'm off to make the greatest breakthrough in evil science the world has ever known!"

"Uh-huh. Have fun, Dr. D."

"Farewell, Shego. I shall return!"

He bolted through the blue steel door and it slammed behind him, blowing in the chill air.

Shego shivered slightly and sighed. "It's gonna be a long winter."