"So the Ori have another Beachhead I take it?" Harry sighed, recalling the mass of White Ships that had overwhelmed Anubis at Dakara three days before. The Wizard once again found himself in the SGC's debriefing room after returning the others back to their verse and running to Pegasus for a bit of shopping. You know, the essentials. But back to Landry for now.

"Yes, Unfortunately." The General grudgingly confirmed, his bushy eyebrows furrowing together in frustration. And there was a lot to be frustrated about these days. Shockingly enough Harry wasn't one of those thinks. Landry was hesitant to praise him directly but the kid was probably the reason Earth wasn't already a smoking ruin.

The defensive fleet had taken a pummeling from the single Super Hive and were still licking their collective wounds. The Shipyards in Nevada were full, and only a handful of the Naval refit yards in Norfork were able to handle something the size of three bow to stern Nimitz Carriers without the public getting wind of the fact that the US Air Force fielded kilometer long space ships.

Finally the Orbital refit Station meant for just this sort of scenario was still over two years from being ready.

That meant that a good portion of the ships were still in orbit, some with massive holes in their hulls. Smaller craft were zipping about, cleaning up debris and the occasional jettisoned crew member.

The end result was that for the next 3-6 months Earth would have less 304 class cruisers out there to gather intel on its enemies because they were assigned to guard the Planet. The few Reports from the Tok'ra suggested the Ori were beating the Goa'uld back at an alarming rate.

It was only a matter of time before Earth would catch their attention as the sole unconquered bastion of the Galaxy. So the worried look the good General wore was quite understandable.

"Though they've learnt from their previous mistakes and chose to keep it hidden." Carter chimed in, answering Potter's earlier question. "Our guess is they picked up a random Star Gate and moved it to a planetoid on no known map."

Harry sighed again, massaging his temple. They might be able to infiltrate a Mothership and locate the Super Gate, but even if they destroyed that one (after all they still tracked the Naquadah Asteroid Battering Ram and could simply repeat the process on the Ori Space Station) what was to stop them from building yet another one? It was a vicious circle, and kept them reacting to their moves as oppose to planning their own.

Even going after the ship building facilities in their home Galaxy would only buy them some time. The Ori needed to be dealt with.

Perhaps it was time to re-focus on the search for the Sangraal.

Although…

Harry looked thoughtful. He'd toyed with the idea of applying a Fidelius to the planet before, but it was completely and utterly impossible for any Wizard or Witch, no matter how powerful they claimed to be.

But technology. Well, that was another story. He could build a planetary cloak based off the Puddle jumper tech, but the gravitational field would give it away. If only he could shift Earth out of phase with the rest of…

His head shot up, the proverbial Eurika moment evident.

Merlin did have this nifty little devise that can shift people(or objects) out of phase. So why not the entirety of Earth?

Besides, power really wasn't an issue when you just finished robbing the Asurans of every ZPM powering their world in one fell swoop. What, did you really think it took three days to get back to Earth from Dakara?

Originally he'd planned on just taking them to limit their offensive capabilities in Pegasus, but with his own Crystal growling facility still years away from cranking out the first batch he needed a temporary stop gap measure. And if he could piss off some Human hating robots in the process, so much the better.

He had plans for a least half a dozen of the power sources, be it for his ships, half thought out planet scale phase shifting projects or the occasional Bomb.

48 hours earlier;

The job had been quite a low key operation for him to be honest, involving…well himself, an Invisibility cloak and the Bebop.

To summarize he'd apparated down to the Planet (ironically the only place he knew was the crash site from his previous excursion to the other Asuras), uploaded a hidden command program that would disconnect the Crystals from their housings moments before being whisked away as portkeys on identical countdown timers.

That particular part was tricky because it took the better part of Eight hours to repeat the process to all of them, and they all needed to be timed to go off within a few seconds before the Replicators could reseal them.

And there were a lot.

But it was so worth it when he was done. Standing in one of the cargo holds on the Bebop that wasn't full of junk he counted down.

3.2.1…

Out of nowhere the first of many multicolored crystals appeared, bouncing off the cushioned floor and each other (they were charmed unbreakable) like some bizarre oversized popcorn machine. The polished metal floor quickly disappeared in a sea of orange, yellow and green crystal.

The collective power in that one small room could probably blast a hole into Space Time itself. His heart skipped a beat at the thought.

ZPM's littered the floor by the dozens. Within seconds it was over. The room was filled ankle deep in the Galaxies' most powerful energy sources. Oh, and he'd singlehandedly thrust the Asuran Replicators back into the proverbial Stone Age. It would be at least 5 years before they could sufficiently replace what he'd stolen, which meant they couldn't harass those fools over in Atlantis for the foreseeable future.

He felt a bit bad. Those poor Replicator bastards just couldn't catch a break no matter what verse they were in!

Refocusing back on the informal debrief between him, Landry and SG1 the Wizard concluded that he'd work on adapting the phase shift tech to hide Earth while Jackson and the others researched where Merlin's jewels were stashed away.

Uggh that sounded wrong.

Though he'd definitely keep the 'Phase shift Earth' project a secret for now. Can't have the Muggles thinking the pressure's off, or things would never get done around here!

"So it's back to searching for Merlin's Ori zapper?" Cam asked, less than fondly recalling the last excursion they'd undertaken to find the damn thing.

"Yes you are" the General rumbled, effectively dismissing them. As far as briefings went this one was short and sweet. The team scattered into the four corners of the Base, while Harry made his way back to the Spee for a few days of R & R. Traveling between Galaxies on a regular basis took it out of you.

As he reached the obscenely large and lavishly furnished captain's quarters something immediately felt and looked out of place.

There was an unconscious woman in his bed. Now normally this wouldn't be an issue, but didn't recall having company over in the last few weeks.

Cautiously he approached, wand drawn.

"Vala?" he pocked her with his (Phoenix and Holly) wand. Getting no response he cast the standard diagnostic charms over his strangely dressed former 'Business' Partner. She was wearing peasant clothing.

"Huh, Drought of Living. Why would she take that?" Never mind the question of how she got her hands on the stuff.

A quick trip to the infirmary produced the counter potion, which he un-stoppered and force-fed the angelic looking sleeping booty.

She came too slowly, indicating she'd been under for a while. Again odd, considering a few hours ago she hadn't been on the ship. How had she gotten here?

"Uhhh," the Brunette managed. "Harry?"

"Hiya Vala," he waved, sounding oddly chipper. "It's been a while. Whatcha been up too?"

She continued to shake the cobwebs from her mind. Her mouth tasted funny, and not the kind of funny she was used to if you know what I mean.

He handed her a muggle friendly version of a Pepper up. The simple potion had a bit too much kick for the nomajs and tended to upset their tickers.

It did the trick.

"It worked!" the thief cheered, hugging Harry in celebration.

"Alright. Explain. Now!" he growled.

"Ah, right. I guess I should start from the beginning." She bit her lip, deep in thought.

Harry frowned. "On second thought, I should probably get the others."

Not two seconds later the four members of SG1 were beamed up without warning.

"God Damn it Harry!" three of them shouted in unison. Teal'c, who'd been in the middle of Kelno'reem didn't even bother opening his eyes, though the less than quiet sigh suggested he wasn't happy either.

"Sam, I thought he couldn't do that anymore." Jackson ground his teeth together.

She sighed. "I did too, but he must have found a way around the countermeasures Ideveloped." She didn't even want to think about how long it took her to come up with the ant beaming frequency. Well, at least it still worked for the damn Trust.

Asgard beam related thefts were becoming frighteningly common, so much so that Sam's beaming disruption tech was now being implemented low key in the nation's major museums and governing bodies. She looked utterly devastated.

Harry ignored them and nodded at Vala to proceed.

"Right, she said hesitantly. "Well, about four months ago the Ori caught me trying to steal one of their ships."

The others just rolled their eyes. Some things truly never changed. "Why in Merlin's name…stop that Jackson…would you want to do that?" Harry moaned, despairing at her continual bad choices.

"Hey, Goa'uld Mother ships just aren't what they were used to. Those things are hunks of junk compared to what those crazy Zealots fly around in nowadays. They're also useful at dominating certain planets under System Lord Role that then become ripe for plundering."

She blew a strand of hair from her face. "Anyway, the interface to bypass the prior I brough along had a few bugs… and I got caught. Before I knew it they'd dragged me back to their home world. Also, I sort of caught pregnancy…"

Stunned silence followed.

"It's not a cold Vala, you don't just 'catch' it", Daniel air quoted, sounding most upset. They'd wondered what had kept her occupied for such a long time. In fact the team had expected her to ask and join the SGC with how much time she'd spent there before her sudden absence.

"Well you don't look very far along", Carter noted with a sceptical look. The interstellar thief shook her head, whipping her pigtails around. "Oh no, I already had it."

The reactor sounded awfully loud right at that moment, with was impressive considering Harry put up noise canceling charms around his quarters. Cam coughed in a valiant attempt to further fill the silence.

"Umm Vala, last time I checked it takes about 9 months to run that particular race." Harry piped in.

So far this explanation had raised way more questions than it answered.

"It was put in by the Ori! I certainly haven't been up to any of the usual activities to end up with child."

Everyone present looked most unconvinced, even Teal'c!

"Righttt" Cam crossed his arms, but wisely took a few steps back.

"It's true! I named her Adria. She's the newly appointed Commander of the Ori crusade on this Galaxy."

"A newborn is? Harry, did you drug her or something?" Jackson huffed in irritation.

"Not since that one night." The Wizard denied.

Jackson of course immediately regretted asking him. "All right, say it's all true and an infant…your Daughter is running the show over on the other side, how did you escape?"

"They took my possessions when I was taken. After they took Adria away I was left unattended on the ship that brought me back to the Milky Way. I found my belongings including the Portkey Harry had made for me.

"You port keyed here?" He shouted, hairs standing on his back. "Are you insane?"

She huffed. "Obviously not. That's what the potion was for."

Of course! With the drought even a multi week long portkey trip would seem instantaneous. He couldn't imagine being conscious through that particular ride. It would probably kill anyone not under. Ingenious!

But wait, so portkeys traveled faster than light? They had to, otherwise she'd take forever to get back. Unless she activated it in Hyperspace! Would the portkey have carried Vala through Subspace and exited once it arrived near Earth? Gah, so much to research.

"So you knocked back the Drought of Living Death, activated the Portkey, and ended up on the Graff Spee?"

A nod of confirmation. "Pretty much."

"Merlin, and they think I'm crazy." SG-1 hadn't followed along to well, roughly knowing what a Portkey did(and not liking the experience) but never having heard of this Drought.

"What did she take?" Cam asked what they all thought.

"Well it's a potion that sort of puts you in a form of magically induced stasis. The user seems dead, no breathing, no pulse, doesn't need to eat, drink and so on. Generally one doesn't willingly take it however" Harry added, shooting the Brunette a scathing look.

"So you made it back. But why not take your Baby with you? Sam asked, thinking of how strong Janet's paternal instincts were. Was Vala that heartless?

The woman in question barked a bitter laugh. "Well that was the original plan. But a few hours after she was born they led in a young girl claiming to be my daughter. Needless to say within a standard day she'd grown up to be a young woman. And she's powerful. More so than the Priors."

Cam hung his head. "This just keeps getting better and better. Any chance she likes her mom more than the cause?"

Vala shook her head. "She's practically a demi god. Draws her power from the Ori. Nothing but an instrument for them to yield." She whispered, tears threatening to spill over. Harry nodded to Jackson, who immediately adopted a confused expression. Harry jerked his head towards the distraught Woman, then back at the American Archeologist.

'Go comfort her! I'm not going to do it.' It said. Jackson went to protest but proved to Harry and the others that he was indeed too soft a moment later, when he sat down and placed a reassuring arm over her shoulder.

Harry was tired and wanted to go to bed, but the social protocol was probably to get drunk and try to process what had happened. Either that or offer a hot beverage.

"Ah hell, let's go to the Come and Go room and get shitteroo'ed." The wizard decided, not really in the mood for Tea. The others nodded in agreement, not at all against the idea.

oOo

The work on the planetary phase shifter was coming along nicely. In fact he was close to 'testing' the device on his moon base. He leaned back from his work station on the Io compound, smirking at the idea of one of Jupiter's moons disappearing right from under NASA's noses. He'd time it with their New Horizons probe Flyby of Gas Giant in a few weeks.

A red light snapped him from his pranking thoughts. He pushed the blinking connect button on the holo screen. Harry had noticed that he was getting far too lazy with the neural link. Not that physically touching a screen less than two feet away constituted to any sort of meaningful workout.

"Jackson, what's shakin'?" The British wizard asked, trying out his American slang.

"Don't. Just don't. Anyway, I found a clue that might help us find Merlin's weapon."

Harry leaned back and stretched, then propped his boots up on the metal workbench. "Great news. Why are you calling me?"

"Well, we think the information is on Atlantis." The Muggle Archeologist reasoned.

Harry still wasn't following. "So, just dial in and walk through. You have that ZPM I loaned you for a reason."

Jackson frowned. "Charging the US government one million dollars per dial is not right Harry."

The wizard grinned. "So the continued wellbeing of six billion people is not worth a couple of quid? Doctor, I am shocked to my very core that you value human life so little. Besides, a million nowadays in chump change." He frowned. "I said that right didn't I?"

Jackson sighed.

"Just beam us up so we can use your freaky cabinet ok."

Now it was Harry's turn to sigh. But wait, why not just tag along? After all, he'd yet to dole out some special kind of punishment to the Atlantis expedition for their incompetence regarding that Super Hive a few weeks back..

"All right four eyes, I'll be right over. Harry out."

"Four eyes, you do realize that-" the connection cut out. Potter pushed up his own glasses, gazing at the phase shifting device. A truly twisted plan formed in his head.

A few minutes later Vala and Daniel found themselves aboard Harry's spacefaring dreadnaught, which had made a micro Hyperspace jump to reach Earth.

"Harry, where are you?" The black haired thief asked aloud.

"I'm working on a project. Just head on through. You don't need me to hold your bloody hand." His synthesized voice crackled over the com.

The pair shrugged and headed towards the Cabinet room. Unbeknownst to them the message was just that. Prerecorded. Their resident Wizard was already over on Atlantis.

oOo

'Hmmm, curious. Very curious indeed.' Potter thought, his wand still loosely pointing towards the Woman sitting behind the desk dutifully writing a report. He turned on the spot and strode out of the office, seconds before the two members of SG-1 made their entrance.

oOo

'Oh, I can work with this' he thought, lowering the wand while the bearded Man's hands blurred again, landing several painful blows on his sparing opponents exposed leg.

oOo

'It just keeps getting better and better' he grinned from ear to ear as the brown haired man typed away on his tablet while trying to eat a sandwich. A tomato slice slipped from the center and landed on the floor with a loud splat.

oOo

Night fell and the sheep were tucked away nice and safe…. Or so they thought. Harry hovered over his first victim, eyes almost glowing with malicious intent. The angelic face, resting peacefully. It did nothing to deter him from what he was about to do.

Resting under his arm was a familiar device with many keys. He activated the interface and typed in a few parameters. It hummed in his hands for a moment before a faint pulse shot from it.

Whatever it had done didn't stir the sleeping person. That was about to change.

oOo

Weir shot up, startled by the sudden crashing sound in her quarters. Within a second she'd visually checked the dark room, finding nothing out of place. Until the figure sitting in the chair shifted minutely. An overweight man with thinning hair in his mid-fifties leaned forward, the light from the adjacent towers bathing half his face in faint orange light.

Weirs heart skipped a beat. "Oberoth" she gasped, nearly stumbling as she got up. He was on the far side of the room, with the door between them to the right.

"How did you get here?" it was a stupid question really. She inched towards the door, ready to bolt like a gazelle from a cheetah.

"You'd best run along Dr. Weir." He warned, sounding as uncaring as he actually was. He didn't have to tell her twice. Weir raced from her Quarters like a woman possessed. The replicator gracefully rose and followed.

Harry tossed Weir back on her bed after a few hours of watching his Oberoth Smith scare the living daylights out of her. He left her quarters and spun the time turner back two hours. Time to visit Sheppard. Too bad, he liked the man better than most on this Expedition.

oOo

Sheppard woke to find himself tied up and gagged. The cloth didn't taste too fresh, he noted. The Colonel was resting against the railing connecting the Control Room to the short catwalk by Elizabeth's office.

"Ah Sheppard, you're awake. Excellent timing really, were about to begin." The man faced him, looking amused.

A half dozen uniformed Genii carrying automatic weapons stood over the senior members of the Expedition.

"Kolya?" was the muffled reply. The man smirked, nodding towards a very familiar blond Curley haired girl. She leaned down, giving the colonel a great view down her gray collard uniform. Apparently she wasn't wearing a bra either!

Undoing the gag he noticed what had been keeping him from talking. Confusion and a twitch of arousal coursed through his body as Sora Tyrus retrieved her lacy delicates. She gave him a saucy wink before rejoining her Commander.

Confused he managed to shelve the odd interaction and instead refocused on the bigger picture, namly the fact that he was tied up by the Genii of all people.

"What's the big Idea Kolya? Haven't we done this enough times already? Aren't you getting tired of constantly being on the losing side?"

The Man grinned, looking genuinely pleased. "Drawing attention to my previous mistakes Sheppard? Tut-tut." He wagged his finger to and fro. "You know what caused these failures? Hmm? I was too lenient, kept you alive while spilling my secrets like a gossiping little girl. But not this time John."

He stepped aside, allowing the Colonel to observe as the first of two dozen expedition members was lead towards the large window by the staircase. It had a large hole in it, the cool evening air whistling audibly. A rough wooden plank jutted from the opening.

"Wait, what are you doing? Kolya, c'mon man. Let's talk about this."

Kolya nodded towards the Genie soldier and he led the tied up woman onto the plank. Her hair whipped across her face, tears clearly flowing down her cheeks. Drawing an ornamental sword the man inched forward.

"Watch as every one of the men and women you've sworn to protect falls to their death. All because you were captured asleep in your quarters."

The woman, who'd been transferred to Pegasus less than a month ago neared the end of the plank. It was either jump or be stabbed and fall.

"Nooooo" John cried as the woman fell, her screams carried away by the wind.

At the base of the tower Harry watched the figure fall. She impacted feet first, and would have left a sizable crater had he not cast a cushioning charm.

"All right there Smith?" the wizard asked. The female replicator nodded blankly before morphing into the regular face of Hugo Weaving.

oOo

"Ahhhhhh" McKay screamed girlishly as he ran, wildly firing his sidearm at a blood splattered Pennywise the Clown that was casually strolling through the darkened Hallways of Atlantis. Seconds later the distinct sound of a chainsaw revving up spurred the Canadian on with energy he honestly didn't think he had.

Swiping his hand over the door controls furiously the panicked muggle had just enough time to turn his head at the avalanche of lemons that instantly buried him. Oddly enough he screamed even louder at that, not the killer clown down the hall with the smoke belching Husqvarna.

Harry, who was hovering nearby on a broom under a notice me not charmed the lemon's skins frictionless, allowing McKay to run through them like they were air filled balloons. The observation was not lost on the scientist, who tried to hold several of the fruit but was unable to.

A hastily conjured sperm whale further down the hall spewing lemons from its blow hole (yes it looks as bad as it sounds)snapped him from his latest distraction soon after. On cue the chainsaw wielding Clown could be heard on the level below, just over the Mezamine McKay was now standing on, waist deep in the citrus fruit.

Well, was standing on. He was running again.

oOo

The sound of wooden sticks beating against one another echoed through the deserted hallways as the Athosian female fought viciously against her opponent.

"Now now Teyla, is that how you treat an old friend?" the smooth purring voice of Michael the mutant asked, gingerly probing his split lip with two fingers. She swung the dueling stick at his head but he expertly dodged.

Harry sat in the corner, reading a magazine. He didn't really know what to do at this point. Those two had been at it for the better part of thirty minutes now, and while the Michael Smith physically couldn't tire the Emmagan Woman showed no signs of slowing down either.

She was a very good at melee combat.

With a mental command he ordered the Replicator to speed up his movements and it tore the leather blouse of the Busty Auburn haired alien.

Yeah, that was more like it. She of course didn't think so, looking mortified at the idea of what Michael was planning. Relax, he wouldn't go that far. Third base tops. Conjuring some popcorn he transfigured the Magazine into a box of tissue paper.

Teyla swore she heard a zipper moments later.

oOo

White and Red energy discharges crisscrossed in the nondescript hallway as the sole remaining Satidan fought for his very survival. A bald Wraith save for a long braided ponytail snarled as a bolt hit it in the shoulder. A half dozen of his Silver haired brethren lay 'dead' between them, smoking holes in their leather outfits. His pistol clicked audibly, indicating it was out of charge. With a half crazed war cry Ronan unheated his biggest knife and charged the massive Wraith.

After watching what happened to his female teammate Harry had no intention of watching two males wrestle around. Although, as ghastly as that would look he was sure Ronin would like it even less than him.

He quickly turned their surroundings into a pit filled with hastily conjured chocolate pudding.

The next ten minutes were heinous and left both men scarred for life. And maybe even the replicator too.

oOo

The deed was done, Harry nodded sagely after haphazardly tossing the last victim of the night back in their bed. He phased them both back into their reality, smirking at the endless fun he managed to have thanks to this little piece of tech. He'd need to return the device to Earth right away but had allowed himself to indulge and punish the Atlantis members for their involvement in the Wraith super hive incident.

Leaning over the Bearded Satedan he healed a gash on the man's forehead he'd missed in his initial assessment. His Smith Wraith had certainly roughed him up.

Good.

With a crack he was back in front of Weirs office and in front of the vanishing cabinet. Thirty seconds after that found him in the Spee's captain's quarters. He pulled the time turner and placed it on the nightstand. In a little while he'd drop off the gift package. But first he'd shower. Rifling through other people's heads always made him feel dirty.

oOo

The following morning the haggard looking group met in the mess hall, nursing cups of coffee with grim faces.

"Christ that was a bad night." Sheppard muttered, running a hand through his wilder than usual looking hair. Rodney looked up, eyes bloodshot. "You too?" he croaked.

"It seems we all had unpleasant dreams" Teyla's hair could give John's a run for its money. Ronin just grunted in acknowledgment.

Unbeknownst to them Weir was already in her office, having skipped breakfast altogether. Her self-imposed isolation didn't last however. Meetings and mission debriefs cluttered her morning shedule. A half hour later she found herself in the conference area up in the tower with John Sheppard's team.

They didn't get to exchange much information however as the gate began to light up.

The semitransparent energy shield popped up around it as soon as activity was detected. Moments later it faded again, much to everyone's concern.

The gate activated with a whoosh and a large wrapped box sailed through the event horizon. Weir looked alarmed.

"Why did the shield deactivate?" she asked. McKay quickly shoo'd the man attending the console away and ran a diagnostic on what had happened. His brow furrowed in confusion moments later. "Someone was able to gain remote access to the system."

John, Elizabeth and Rodney descended the stairs and approached the gift wrapped box, which had a bow on top. It was addressed to John and his team, as well as Weir.

"Should we open it?"

The wrapping paper was magical. It moved and had figures in pointy hats and garish robes. That told them more than enough about what should be done with it.

"You know what, let's toss it back through the gate. It's not even close to Christmas. It would feel wrong." Sheppard reasoned. The others wholeheartedly agreed.

Trying to pick up the box proved more difficult than expected. As in it wouldn't budge. Ronin gave it a shot, as did some of the Gate room guards.

While that was happening Daniel and Vala entered from the transporter, having spent the night following a long day talking to an Ancient Pretending to be a Hologram.

Good times.

After some minutes of futility the box seemed it had enough. The top popped open and sweet sickly voice emanated from within.

"My dearest friends over at Pegasus" their wizarding consultant began. "It has come to my attention that you have been doing a fiinnnne job taking care of my ancestor's city. As a token of my thanks I've included a gift for every one of you that went to PR9 883, as well as the expedition leader who authorized it."

They all recognized the Planet designation as the one where the ZPM was stolen from them and began to sweat. Several objects floated from the box, destined for each of Harry's earlier victims. Suddenly the tone changed.

"YOU FUCKING MUPPETS, IF YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN I SWEAR TO EVERYTHING THAT IS HOLY I WILL COME OVER THERE AND TURN YOU INTO VARIOUS SEX TOYS, THEN SEND YOU TO ROSY O'DONNELL'S HOUSE WITH A COMPULSION CHARM AND LEAVE YOU THERE UNTIL SHE KEELS OVER FROM EXHAUSTION. AND YES, YOU WILL BE CONSIOUS WHILE IT HAPPENS. I GUARA FUCKIN' TEE IT!"

There was a short pause.

"Love, Harry."

The humans in the tower winced at the vulgarities coming from the innocent looking box. Danny hung his head in shame. Vala grinned from ear to ear. When it was all said and done they cautiously inspected what Harry had gotten them. Each paled at the significance.

That didn't stop Rodney from asking the obvious however.

"Shappard, why did you get Women's underwear?"

The Colonel grimaced, then looked at McKay's gift. "I don't want to talk about it. Why did he give you a massive chainsaw?"

Rodney shuttered after looking at it again. "I don't want to talk about it."

Ronin looked ill after realizing the container he'd received contained Jell-O Brand pudding.

"Well then," Vala summarized nicely. "You guys sure know how to have a good time!"


A/N: Had to split up the chapter, it grew to 11k words. I hope the Atlantis team punishments didn't go too far. I think the Teyla one was right on the line for sure, especially with all that misconduct hype flying around on TV lately.