Chapter 2: Banquet of Monsters

"Well, this'll teach me not to be more specific..." Joe Dark grumbled in his head as he stood surrounded on three sides by some towering terrors.

To his left, a man who wasn't the least bit subtle that he was a werewolf. On his right, some wiggly...thing in a coat that got off to germs. And before him, hypnotic in his bold, monstrous appearance, was the one who reigned them all in.

"I just wanted to be left alone. So why, OH WHY, am I now stuck in the set of a B-Tier horror flick?" Joe Dark spent the next few seconds cursing Mr. Reality out in his head while slowly tucking his hands back into his pockets.

The Lord of the Night was a surprisingly patient monster, compared to his hungering mooks. But that was a boon that was not meant to last. His presence demanded that he not be ignored.

"I am speaking to you, human." He bellowed, the lump on his throat visibly shaking.

Ignoring that he was Dracula for a moment, there was something particularly...abnormal about him that Joe Dark couldn't quite put a finger on. But he sure had a lot of balls demanding something from him.

With his eyes crossed in a crass fashion Joe Dark raised the side of his lip and scoffed, "So what?"

The growls of Grimmley and the shocked gurgles of Plagueis were bearing up his sides right after. Dracula simply pulled his head back and let out a deep chuckle.

"Ha. Ha. Ha. Fine, cling to your defiance like a safety net. You have nothing to fear from me. Peculiar humans like you are more than welcome in my dominion, Dark King."

"Son of a...!" Joe Dark bit his teeth down.

"What?!" Grimmley perked up in a proclamation of disbelief, "This scrawny whelp is the infamous Terror of Dark Descent?! Impossible!"

Joe Dark tensely gripped his fists in his pockets, close his eyes, and grumbled in response to these accusations, "No...! You've got the wrong person. I am...nobody."

Though he felt a little sad after. This was the wrong place to expect any sympathy though.

Dracula's creasing smile was terrifying thanks to his stature, but it his behind his shoulder as he turned to face Alura. She had just been there the entire time, hidden behind his right leg.

"Your efforts today bore very ripe fruit, Alura." He muttered.

"Thank you, father." Alura cooed, closing her eyes and giving a very subtle nod.

"Father?!" Joe Dark's eyes perked up and he started internally slapping himself in the brain for not realizing the obvious facts sooner.

Though really, he just didn't give a shit earlier to notice. He suddenly froze up and forcibly looked up to see Dracula staring down at him. He swung his meaty, mangled hand towards the sky and proclaimed loud enough for all in the castle to hear.

"Our newcomer shall be granted full honors! So says I!"

"What?!" Grimmley exclaimed. Dracula's gaze swung his way, boring the man's courage away until he whimpered like a pup, and bowed his head further.

"A-As you wish, master."

"Good..." The entire castle began to rumble, and Joe Dark felt his heart start to sink. His eyes widened, and he glanced around wildly to seek out the source.

"What the HELL was that?!"

Dracula gripped one hand over his stomach and rubbed it around. A growl, similar to the way the castle shook, slipped between his lips.

"Your arrival couldn't have been more perfect. Joe Dark...For it is time, to feast!" Dracula turned his eye on Grimmley and murmured, "Grimmley...Let the others know."

"It shall be done, master." Grimmley stood and rushed off down the castle corridor on all fours, his body starting to grow black fur that blended him in with the darkness.

"Plagueis-"

"I know master. You shall receive only my finest cuisine." Plagueis quivered like gelatin as Dracula bore his gaze, and the squirming plague doctor quickly redetermined his position, "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to inter-"

Dracula's gaze narrowed so much that Joe Dark was feeling targeted too, "My stomach withers away in agony with every second you waste speaking."

"Ack-ne!" Plagueis got up and scurried like the dickens out of sight. Dracula then inhaled deeply through his thick, triangular nostrils and let out a gasp of satisfaction.

"A lovely appetizer, as always," He then swung to the right and remarked, "Alura. Escort our guest to the dining hall, if you would."

"Yes father." She replied obediently, and then the man's body phased through the floor.

She then turned her doll eyes upon Joe Dark, who shook his head slightly and muttered, "What bullshit have I gotten dragged into this time?"

"Come with me, Joe Dark." Alura said, speaking as if he had no choice in the matter which to be fair, his stomach helped make sure of that.

Escorted by a mannequin vampire. He could write a novel full of the unbelievable crap that's happened in his life.

"Oh well, better her than the other two," Joe Dark counted his diminishing blessings and then shook his head, "Eat. Leave. Eat. Leave. Eat. Leave."

He repeated this while approaching Alura, unaware that his face was scrunching up and making her tilt her head. Only when he rammed into her and stumbled a couple steps back did he take notice of her. Taking his whole chest to the face didn't make her flinch.

"What are you doing?" He grumbled before fluttering a hand out like dealing with an overly attached puppy, "Go on. Hurry up already."

If Alura hadn't blinked he was going to lose it. Not because he cared or anything stupid like that. She turned around without a word and plodded along down the corridor. Joe Dark trailed behind and grumbled, "Honestly..."

He strained a bit to see after leaving the candlelight behind. The walls were black, black, more black, with oh, some gray for variance. There was moss, but it was sooo old that its mold had mold. At one point he swore he saw something crawling out of the shadows to nibble on it.

"Urgh." His mouth quivered.

This castle had to be standing through its master's power alone. There was no other explanation for this ancient ass place not collapsing from a sneeze. When they entered the throne room the master's seat wasn't even half-standing, and it lacked a regal carpet leading up to it.

They quickly turned out of here and descended down some stairs. Joe Dark tensed up. The quietness was suffocating. The mannequin was so stoic that sound didn't even care that she was walking.

But talking to her was just as suffocating.

Yet between both options Joe Dark found he'd rather deal with her than go crazy talking to himself. He knew he was making a mistake but open his big mouth anyways.

"Hey. You," He growled between his teeth, "Mind telling me why you dragged me to this rundown monster house?"

Shocked. She didn't even stop to react. Joe Dark slanted his eyes and grumbled, "Good god there's sheltered and then there's robotic."

He took a couple steps faster and firmly grabbed her left shoulder, "Hey! I'm talking to you!"

He turned her around and stared straight into her blank eyes. And they told him one thing: "Error!"

Not LITERALLY, of course. She looked like she didn't know how to register his question.

Joe Dark kept repeating his priorities while a part of him deep, deep, deep down tried slapping some common sense back into his brain. And to his annoyance, common sense prevailed. With a huge sigh Joe Dark took his hand off her and said slowly, "Why...did you bring me here?"

"Oh", Seemed to be the indicator that she understood him, "Because you're interesting, Joe Dark."

"What?" He muttered.

"Lets not keep father waiting." She said as she turned without a missing a beat, and continued down the stairs.

Joe Dark hung back for a moment, kicked a foot up, and tossed his head to the side to say, "Interesting? Hmph, not me..."

A few more steps later and they were at their destination: A grand banquet hall half a mile long, with a faded gold table that filled half of that space. No chairs on either side, but there were plenty of filled plates in front of where they'd be.

Plagueis scurried along to plate the last few dishes while his master stood at the tail end and bided his time with a mouth full of drool. But when his guest first stepped foot inside his head lurched back and his voice bellowed across the room.

"You're late, Alura."

"Sorry, father." She said with the tiniest bit of sheepiness.

"Joe Dark. Come," Dracula laid his hand flat beside the plate to his right, "Stand by my side."

"I prefer to eat alone." He replied with a snide smile. Now the furrowed brows that cowered the plague doctor were aimed his way, sending a slight chill down his spine.

"Nonsense," Dracula growled as if personally insulted, "All who dine in my castle eat together. Now come, stand by my side."

Joe Dark's arms sent an uncontrolled shiver from his shoulders to hands. He grit his teeth and grumbled "Fiiiine..." as he made his way down the table side.

Alura now stood behind as they walked, and along the way many, many more monsters filled the hall with Grimmley taking the lead over the rest.

The shaggy man stood parallel to Joe Dark and eyed him across the table with his teeth snarled. Joe Dark looked at him for a second and then turned forward and kept walking. Grimmley perked up and smashed his elongating fingernails into the table top, tearing down towards the edge.

Joe Dark stopped at the back left corner of the table and shoved his hands deeper into his pockets, throwing his shoulders up and remarking bluntly, "So what...no chairs?"

He felt a little slime on the back of his neck as Plagueis leaned over his shoulder and pulled a ladle full of red meat out of a stinky, slightly rusted cylinder.

"Eat up, 'esteemed guest'." Said ominously as he slapped the meat down to fill the plate, and retreated with a quiet chuckle.

He then scooped some more meat onto Alura's plate and patted her on the head, taking on a delightful tone as she reacted with some steady blinking, "And some tendons for the young mistress, as always."

"Mmm hmm..." She curtly replied and bowed her head.

The monsters had all finished assembling. Joe Dark noticed a mummy, a plant creature, and a few other folk. Standard affair for this kind of place. None of them looked dangerous. The only one he had to keep an eye on, was the big man in charge.

He turned and glared at Dracula, finding that his eyes were glazed over from the sight of the meat tower that rose up to directly before his face.

Joe Dark sniffed and felt his appetite go down the drain in seconds. And no wonder, he had been served raw meat like he was an animal.

"What the hell is this slop?" He muttered aloud.

Red and pink, mushy. If Joe Dark dared to touch it he felt it'd start wrapping around his finger. It stunk of trash and he couldn't tell if that was normal or because of Plagueis' distinct touch. This meal was truly a miserable pile of secrets that he'd probably be better off not diving deeper into.

"I carved this up personally from the local livestock," Grimmley said from across the table, eyeing Joe Dark with a sinister smile across the face, "So you better eat every. Single. Bite.

"Hmph," Joe Dark crossed his arms and put his foot firmly down, "I refuse to eat your uncooked slop."

"Eat your meat and squeal piggy," Grimmley growled with his nails digging deep into the table, "Before I make mincemeat out of YOU."

Dracula, surprisingly, raised his hand towards him while stuffing his face full of meat with the other. Between the bites some kind of sentence tried to come out saying,"If that's how he wants to eat, then let him."

He snapped with the sound of breaking glass and the ground began to shake. The temperature around Joe Dark's general area rose and as he turned his arm scraped up against big, hard, and hot enough to turn his skin red.

A bulky, clanking suit of knight armor towered over him. Every inhale of its sounded like death, every exhale an inferno.

"WHAT, NO!" Plagueis suddenly voiced his outrage and put all eyes on him, "DON'T COOK IT. IT'LL RUIN THE GE-"

Joe Dark widened his eyes with immense fury and the air grew still around only the plague doctor. He spat up some slime and shrunk to half his normal size, crumpling the coat. He propped one needle up and remarked, "G-G-Genuine hard work I put into preparing iiiiit...?"

And with his silence resumed the feasting of the others. The hot knight slapped his gauntlet down on top of Joe Dark's dish and cooked it to a fine, brown crisp in five seconds.

They then let out a painful gasp and retreated into the shadows. Joe Dark returned to his plate, glanced over his shoulder and murmured, "...Thanks?"

He turned and tried to touch the meat only to get a burnt finger for his troubles. He shook it off and cooled it down by sucking on it for a moment.

He got a sneak peek at the flavor of the meat from that. It had a bit of bite to it, sort of sour? Joe Dark waited a little while longer before taking his first actual bite. He chewed carefully. The meat broke up just fine, though it was a little tough in some parts. Had decent fat content.

"How long has it been since I've had meat?" One look down at his skinny body and the answer was, "Too long."

He kept going at it nice and slow while everyone else gobbled down their plates like vacuums do dirt. Grimmley ate meat AND bones, Plagueis ate trash, the mummy consumed dead locusts in a decaying breath, and so forth and so forth. The only people eating the same thing as him were Dracula and Alura.

And much to his surprise, the mannequin devoured her meat with the same fervor as the other monsters. Her cheeks were getting stuffed full of meat faster than she could digest it. Bits of it stuck to her lips and slid down her chin.

"Pffft...!" He chuckled before casually biting into some more meat.

Alura peeked out from the corner of her eyes and finished her bites before saying, "What was that noise just now, Joe Dark?"

A laugh, Joe Dark said with some of the laughter lingering in his voice, "You're a real riot, mannequin."

"I don't see how I'm an angry mob, Joe Dark." Alura calmly replied and then resumed eating.

Joe Dark's face slowly slumped and as more meat hovered before his face he mumbled, "Way to take the wind outta my sails..."

The dining hall was overloaded with feral gobbling from these rabid beasts and when they weren't stuffing their faces they were stuffing their ears with gossip regarding him. A lot of it seemed to go silent when their master's daughter came up, however.

Joe Dark had to try just to avoid getting any of the flying bits of carnal flesh on his skin. This was disgusting, but it beat eating out of garbage cans.

By the time the vast majority of the monsters had cleaned their plates, or eaten them, he had gotten halfway through his plate.

"Is something the matter, Joe Dark?" Alura remarked, her pale face red with meat juices.

"No...?" He responded right as he was about to take another bite of food.

"But you're eating slowly," She said, turning her head with a creak and then giving it a slight tilt once she laid eyes directly on him, "Is it not good?"

"...Eating slowly is normal." Joe Dark's quick, though puzzled response, made no sense to the girl.

"...I see." She said nevertheless.

Joe Dark froze mid-bite, pulled the meat out of his mouth and mumbled aloud, "Why do I feel like I'm being judged here?"

A couple bites later and while everyone else had finished, Joe Dark looked at the sizable chunk of meat filling half his plate and decided, "Hmph, that's enough of that."

He pulled out from the table, tucked one hand in his pockets, and headed out the way he came. He put little effort into waving goodbye and hastily told the monsters, "Well it was fun while it lasted. Later."

"Now to leave the castle and go find another planet to mope around on..."

"Ah, heading to bed already?" Dracula stirred with an abnormal sense of humor in his tone of voice.

Joe Dark peered over his left shoulder and muttered, "No you blood-sucking gremlin. I'm. Leaving."

There was silence. Then there was rupturing. The lungs of these beasts split in twine to fill the banquet hall with laughter. Hyenas, the lot of them, smashing their appendages on the table like a herd of wild monkeys. Joe Dark narrowed his eyes and a dark haze hissed to life around his body.

But it wasn't his aura that made them yield. A single raised hand from their master was more than enough. Every beast went motionless as the Lord of the Night sunk into the shadows and reappeared directly before Joe Dark in seconds, towering over him with a presence great enough to make his defiant eyes lock up at his face.

"Leave?" The monster king chuckled and his voice turned hypnotic, "Why? When you are welcomed here?"

"Grrr...!" Joe Dark snarled his teeth and held his ground against this face of terror, "I am not one of you. I used you to get a decent meal. That's it."

"Aaaah..." Dracula took a deep breath in through his nostrils, unnerving Joe Dark by the kneecaps, "In five seconds...Rain will fall outside."

"Oooh, real scar-" Joe Dark's heart skipped a beat at the same time lightning roared with thunder up above, shaking the castle slightly. He twisted his head back and could hear the faint pitter-patter of raindrops.

Dracula planted his wrinkly fingers along his shoulder and paralyzed him from the touch. He then dropped his head down a little lower and whispered in Joe Dark's ear, "You are more than man, but not more enough...Suffer in the cold, wet rain. Alone. Unwanted...Or be with us. Be with your kind. For as long as you are in these walls, you will be my honored guest."

Listen here you fanged freak- Joe Dark turned to look the man in the eyes and what he found was a reflection on himself in those ghastly pupils. He sat alone, in rain so thick his tears mesh in with them. He was a child, weak, and tired.

It shook him to the core. Perverted his sense of privacy. Brought his blood to a boil. He bit his teeth down in a deep-knit scowl and then told the man plain as he possibly could, "I want a room all to myself. If I hear even a growl from your little pets, I'll blow this whole castle sky-high."

"Hrrmm..." A pleasured smile crept across Dracula's face as he stood to rise, and snapped his right fingers by the waist, "Alura. Escort our new guest to his room."

"Yes father." She said, having slipped up next to Joe Dark unnoticed.

She turned for the stairs while Joe Dark took a second to collect his thoughts. He then put his taut fists into his pockets and grumbled his way up the stairs. The monsters had a laugh at his expense until he was back on the first floor, where he'd give even less of a shit than he had already.

They went back to the entrance and then down the left hallway. Joe Dark didn't bother making conversation this time. There was no point. At the corner of the castle they went up two flights of stairs and then down another hall. The walls were open and Joe Dark confirmed that the rain was real with his own two eyes.

Having fought him enough, he didn't sense anything unnatural about the rain. It was cold and wet, and drowned the fading sunlight in its misery. A hint of the nearly full moon could be seen rising in the distance. This would be an early, but much needed rest.

"We're here." Alura murmured, giving Joe Dark a mild heart attack. He placed a hand on his beating chest and watched as the mannequin slowly opened the door.

He grew sick of her glacial pace and shoved the door open with his foot, leaving her hand hanging in the air and her eyes in a perpetual state of blinking.

He slid under the door frame and looked around. His room came with a small unlit fireplace, a medium-sized mattress...And that was it. But it was clean. And that was enough.

He walked on over to the end of the bed and pushed his hand down. It sunk in slowly, and wrapped around his skin like soft silk.

"Ooooh yeah..." He moaned as he rested his butt down and leaned back, "Its been too long..."

He smiled and had this serene look that sadly there was no mirror around for him to see. He glanced over at the fireplace and whipped his dagger into his hand, then flung it straight for the top of the bricks above the wood. Enough sparks were generated to get a fire going, and the dagger was withdrawn into the darkness.

As Joe Dark started to lie down on the bed he found Alura standing over him at the corner of it. She stared into his eyes and quietly closed hers as she commented, "The moon's beautiful tonight, isn't it, Joe Dark?"

Joe Dark fluttered his eyelashes and scoffed quietly, "Won't get too excited on me. Wouldn't want your heart to burst."

Alura looked down and laid a hand on her chest, her brows sinking in concern. Joe Dark stopped his descent into comfort and rose upright with a growl.

"Seriously. Stop taking everything I say literally."

Alura lifted her head and her hands draped to the sides of her dress. She then closed her eyes and murmured, "Your way of speaking is weird, Joe Dark."

Joe Dark felt at least ten blood veins popping at the exact time in his brain. He pulled himself forward in one powerful motion and exclaimed through gritted teeth, "OK YOU CAN GO FUC-"

He paused in place, sucked his lips in, and glared straight into Alura's motionless eyes with disinterest, "...Why aren't you scared, mannequin?"

"You're not scary, Joe Dark." Was the bluntest thing she had ever said.

"Gck...!" Joe Dark tensely contorted his face and thought "Have I lost my touch?" only to start considering the possibility that he probably never had it to begin with.

He tapped his fingers along the edge of the bed and looked to Alura once more to ask, "When why am I interesting? You mons-...Don't you only care if I'm scary?"

"You're...different from other humans." Alura's lips appeared to pucker and her eyes sagged, and though Joe Dark expected more from her that level of detail seemed to be beyond her.

Joe Dark had a massive headache and it was only to get worse by the second if he kept this up. With a long sigh as he fell upon the soft bed, he gave the mannequin one more glance and said gently, "Good night, Alura."

Alura bowed her head and remarked, "Good night...Joe Dark."

And she left the room, just like that. The door shut on its own, keeping Joe Dark alone with his thoughts, and the warmth of the nearby fire.

He laid his cupped hands atop his chest and stared up at the ceiling. A ceiling...Why did it make him relaxed to see it?

In fact, save for a few tense moments, he didn't necessarily feel out-of-place in this den of night terrors. He ate with them. Talked with them. Was it really so wrong to be here?

"Maybe...Mr. Reality didn't make a mistake after all. This...might just be my new home."

It was a hard pill to swallow. And it had been a long, long day. At least, that's what it felt like.

"A good night's sleep will do me good..." He said as he laid his head down all the way and let his eyes sink down into slumber. It would be his first comforting rest in more than a decade...

Next Time: The New Life