The smell and feel of death and desolation hit everyone hard with a deep pain in their hearts. The air was blowing as if playing a heartbreaking song to match with the dark times.
Tauriel's fiery hair blew around her and she so wished for Kili to comment about it… he had a fascination with her hair and now he wasn't there to tell her that her hair was on fire like he had done so before. Her feet were numb and her legs begged for a moment of rest but she pushed her exhausted body and mind forward. In slow motion everything moved and she carried on… down some stairs, around some pillars, some more stairs, more blood, more bodies, more death and more sorrow.
They finally reached the destroyed field that was overwhelmingly filled with corpses. The dwarves now carried Kili, Fili and Thorin. They all stopped and gasped as their eyes witnessed the death that suffocated the earth. Tauriel thinned her lips and followed silently and allowed her tears to run freely yet halfway through the field she felt as she had no tears left. The immense pain of seeing so much death around her caused her pain to internalize and bury deeper within her like dagger. Her sharp and cold eyes were fixed straight ahead of her as the stone was nestled in her palm. His promise had seared into her mind and her heart. It was too late to run and too late to follow.
It took every ounce of her remaining strength to keep her eyes from falling to Kili's body. But the slight bounce of his black curls fascinated her and her eyes kept darting to it. Her body shook as she remembered her hands completely buried in that hair and the sensation of having his skin pressed to hers. The rhythm they had shared would forever send shivers through her body and painful and mean sadness to her heart.
His company was keeping some distance from her yet she noticed that they did not ignore her. They kept checking over their shoulders to see if she was still following and she would notice that they would slow down if she had fallen behind. The Captain of the Mirkwood guard was suddenly slow even for the dwarves' short legs.
No word was spoken, only the loud screams of death and mourning were heard. Yet it was still silent and eerie. No celebration of victory was heard and the once loud dwarves walking in front of her were quite and their pain floated to the back, hitting her full on. They were so silent.
Kili had never been as quiet.
"He's dead" her mind kept on repeating over and over again.
"Take me to where his voice is" she found herself whispering under her breath. Too quiet of a whisper for dwarven ears to hear.
After climbing over bodies and going around the stench of the piles of dead orc, they finally reached the
gates of Erebor. It would have taken Tauriel's breath away to be standing so close to such entrance but the paleness of Kili's skin was making her eyes shut close. To see his brother and his uncle next to him was also a nightmare as she knew he had loved them dearly. The pain they had all endure minutes before death would have been gruesome.
They are gone, truly she was awake. She wanted to scream… this could not be real. She was still in denial….
"Can I enter?" her quivery voice asked but her eyes were fixed on Kili. They all turned around to her still form. The dwarves looked to each other, Bilbo looked to Gandalf as finally everyone turned to Balin who nodded with the smallest smile.
Tauriel couldn't smile but she hoped she expressed her gratitude by tilting her head downward.
The dwarves did not spare a second and went right inside. Once again they climbed over stone and straight into the grandeur of a darkened kingdom. They spread a dusty tapestry on the floor and laid the bodies on it with care and covered them with coats. Tauriel's hand fisted at her chest as she saw them laying there, cold and lifeless. The promise of a kingdom soared over their dead bodies. A king's and prince's' dream of such kingdom was doomed since the beginning. A flightless bird, never to take flight. But Tauriel had believed they stood a chance. It was her naive heart that made her excited for seeing Kili's brown eyes again. It was her over positive mind that wished for their survival.
The dwarves talked amongst themselves and Tauriel heard hints of what their plans would be. They intended to bury the brothers and Thorin soon but first they needed to gather every surviving dwarf to pay tribute as well.
"We shall find Dain, he will want to be here. Anyone who wished to come may do so. We will also have a ceremony for every life lost, human, dwarven and.. elven"
All eyes and heads turned to Tauriel.
"Would your king like to attend?" Bilbo asked, his voice as turbulent as hers.
"I shall ask" she whispered with a small nod.
Plans were made, dwarves went separate ways. Tauriel and Bilbo were the only remaining.
"I can't be here" he whispered running his hands down his face. His voice was broken and his eyes were fixed over the bodies.
Tauriel had no idea how to comfort anyone, she stood by his side and hoped her presence would alleviate him.
"I've never seen an elf show so much emotion before" he then noted with dead humor in his eyes but no harshness in his voice.
"And I have never seen someone look at someone else like he looked at you. I saw the two of you talking at the dungeon. I am sure he treasured every second he spent with you"
His voice was soft and it brought a small smile to Tauriel's lips. Her eyes filled with tears as she turned to the hobbit.
Her throat was dry and she was unable to say anything. He walked away knowing she wanted some privacy. It was true that elves did not allow any feelings to shine through but he could see Tauriel's despair clear as day.
She saw him turn the corner and finally allowed the tears to stream down her face. Kili had sparked so many feelings in her, that she would have found strange otherwise. The pain she felt in her heart was the constant reminder that she was awake because she knew no such pain could be felt if she were dreaming. Tauriel stood there, helpless and weak as she tried to process the pain and despair. She had never felt so much of it for so long… something about the ruthless power of pain made her feel alive and connected to something. It was a terrible nightmare that she was living in but she was glad….
She gasped and choked on her cries and she knelt in front of his covered body. Their love had been forbidden but she had the pleasure of having the memory of him. Both her downfall and rescue were to be the sweet memories.
They had met… they had found something so unique in each other. He had rendered her speechless and made every of her walls to crumble. He had set aflame her need of body- to-body contact and romance, yet only him could ever fill such desire. She had become his prisoner. A prisoner that became addicted to his touch, his eyes and his voice. She could at least say that she had known what true beauty and love looked like.
"It has been a pleasure to have fallen in love with you Amralime" she whispered.
