CHAPTER FIVE

Never Meet Your Heroes

Cr00cy, I don't even know what's happening anymore.

Cr00cy: So the same as usual?

Fighting in Feb prior to the tournament in April, so we'll see how that shit goes.


Jaune has this really bad habit.

It's that he always oversells everyone he meets, making them into more than they actually are. Take me for instance:

I can't tell you how many times Jaune has gone out and 'sold' me to a group of his friends, admittedly not the largest group in the world, and told them that I'm the greatest thing since Mistralian porn.

That I'm smart, that I'm beautiful, that I'm nice.

All things that are varying levels of lies. The point is, by the time that someone actually meets me, they can't help but feel disappointed that I don't measure up to the legend that Jaune has constructed about me.

All because Jaune can't help but see me as something more than I am, someone who's special.

You ready for the part where you don't judge me?

I love him for it.


The days that followed our heist were significantly less exciting. Somehow, swindling chumps out of their money at a casino table loses its appeal after you've taken part in one of the largest Dust robberies in Vale's history. So I sat at Junior's bar, lazily playing with a poker chip, rolling it around on top of my fingers.

For context on just how much more boring it is, I just used the word 'swindling' in a sentence.

Maidens, but this place was killing me.

The only thing that made the situation slightly better was that Jaune was coming over later. He was also bringing over his team to introduce them, which left me somewhat torn between the fact that I'd be splitting my Jaune-time and excited to see their shocked faces when they saw where I worked.

"You did good today." Junior said, stirring me from my thoughts from his place behind the bar, cleaning glasses that didn't really need to be cleaned. "You worked those people real smooth."

"Aww, thanks big cat. I knew I was growing on you."

He sighed. "And just like that, I regret giving you the compliment."

Big Cat was still fighting his growing love of me.

"Someone's feeling especially grumpy today." I observed.

"That's because a certain someone has been hanging around my bar all day, taking up space that could be used by paying customers."

I quirked an eyebrow at that. "One, what paying customers?" I said, motioning toward that empty bar. "Two, who complains about about having a sexy lady at their bar?"

"Apparently not that sexy, or the bar wouldn't be empty." He observed dryly as he set the glass down and grabbed another, equally clean, glass to wipe down.

Ouch.

"And where else would I go? I'm on house arrest, remember?"

"Your room, for one."

"Wow, are you trying to send me to my room? What are you, my dad?"

"A man in search of sanity."

"Good luck with that."

He sighed again as he set the glass down. A big sigher, Big Cat. "Seriously, why are you down here?"

I sighed, far more loudly than I needed to, just to bother him. "I'm waiting on Jaune and his team."

"Goddammit, Emerald." He groaned. "Did you invite a bunch of Hunters to my bar?"

"Hunters in training." I corrected. "Besides, you love Jaune." Everyone loved Jaune.

"Jaune's a good kid." Junior allowed. "But I'm not running a daycare here, we don't need a bunch of goodie two shoes Hunters in this place."

"Relaaaxx." I drawled. "I'll keep them up here, scout's honor."

"Yeah, that means a lot coming from you." He shot back. "Just keep them under control."

"I promise." I sighed, resting my chin on the bar.

Junior quirked an eyebrow at me. "You seem oddly down for having your boyfriend visit."

"He's not my-" I cursed myself for rising to the bait. "Jaune keeps going on and on about these guys, and now I have to play nice while they're here. Especially his partner. Seems to think she's the bee's knees."

"Sure he's not." Junior hummed as he leaned against the bar, before his shoulders tensed. "Wait, she's not that damn blonde, is she?"

"Nah, some red-head chick." The tension left his body immediately. "Pyrrha, I think."

He stiffened again. "Wait, like Pyrrha Nikos?"

"Yeah, I think." I answered absently.

"Holy shit, do you know who that is?"

"No, should I?"

"Emerald, she's the-"

"Em, we're here!" Jaune's voice called from the door.

I would tell you that I didn't hop up in my seat like someone had just announced that they were giving away free booze, but I promised not to lie to you. I get excited about seeing my best friend, ok? Don't read into it. Anyway, I spun around on my stool with a grin on my face, carefully ignoring the amused look on Big Cat's face, to greet Jaune.

The first person I locked onto, besides Jaune, was the tall red-head standing next to him. And I do mean tall. The girl looked like she should be playing volleyball somewhere. She was long and lean too, just like her hair. Stacked as well, her tight leather corset holding up her assets subtly but clearly, the brown and gold contrasting with her damn near flawless white skin and toned muscles that...

She was alright, I guess.

Fuck you, don't read into it.

My gaze flowed over to the pair standing next to her, who to my relief, seemed to be normal humans. A dark haired lady boy and a stacked ginger.

Jaune rushed over, a big smile on his face and dragging the amazon along behind him like an owner behind her overly excited dog.

"Em, this is Pyrrha! Pyr, this is Em, my friend that I was telling you about!"

Red waved shyly from her place beside Jaune.

"Hello!"

"Sup? So, this is the miracle chick that you've told me so much about? I thought she'd be taller." Hey, I know I'm coming on strong, but I'm allowed to be protective. Gods knows Jaune's vetting process is piss poor. He's friends with me, after all.

Jaune, strangely enough, didn't appreciate my complimentary vetting services. Some people.

"Em…" He warned, giving me that 'play nice, this is important to me' look. To which, despite my better instincts, I folded like the lawn chair that I am. I sighed and held out a hand.

"Emerald, friends call me Em." I left out that I wasn't sure if that included her yet. See? I can be nice. She took my hand in what I can assure you was one of the firmest goddamn handshakes I've ever had the pleasure of almost breaking my hand and smiled that weird, plastic smile that people do.

"Pyrrha, friends call me Pyr. Or at least, I think they do. Jaune does." She said, jerking her head towards the grinning boy, clearly happy we were getting along. "You're like, Jaune's sister then?"

I love it when people ask that question.

"Sure are. Can't you see the family resemblance?" I asked with a straight face.

"Well, I-"

I didn't wait for her to recover. "It's an old story, really. You know how it goes, a young Hunter goes on the road, gets lonely, meets one of the local ladies who's just ever so grateful to be rescued." I paused for effect, letting the horror of what I was suggesting sink in. "And what do you know? Nine months later, Mama Arc has a new, browner, baby to feed. Tale as old as time really."

I was very pleased that her face had turned about as red as her weird ass sash.

"I, um-" She swallowed. "I suppose-"

"She's kidding." Jaune assured her while sparing me a glare. "My dad caught her trying to steal from him on the streets of Mistral and brought her home."

Spoil sport.

"Lucky!" Ginger Mc'Top Heavy kicked in, pushing past Jaune and Pyrrha with all the grace of a runaway freight train.

"Yeah? Being an orphan seem cool to you?" I shot back. This dumb bimbo probably hadn't known anything but-

"Can't be an orphan if you gotta family." She fired back, not missing a beat. "Me and Renny got put into the system." The dark-haired ladyboy nodded in confirmation.

Oh, well then.

"Oh, I uh...how was that?" I articulated, wordsmith that I am.

The ginger just shrugged. "Eh, it wasn't so bad."

That was underselling it for sure. I was from Mistral, and there was a reason that I'd never let myself get taken into the 'adoption' system there. At least, for as long as I could take it before running away again. They had a reputation, one that was well earned. She apparently caught on to my facial expression, because she shook her head and spoke up again.

"It wasn't like that, Sister Maria looked after us really well. Even got us hooked up with the Hunter that ended up training us." She grinned. "She ended up hooking up with the Hunter too, if you know what I-"

"That's enough, Nora." The dark-haired boy chastised gently.

I'll tell you what, I didn't know this girl in the least, but when I heard that? The knot that I didn't know was building in my stomach started to let loose. Call me a softy all you want, but hearing that another street rat is doing ok always does my heart good.

I let out a sigh of relief. "I'd always heard the stories…"

She gave me a soft smile as the ladyboy, Renny I guess, pulled up next to her and squeezed her hand. "Yeah, so did we."

Side note for you: Fuck Mistral.

'Renny' held out a hand and smiled, "Ren, it's a pleasure."

"Samesies." I said, grabbing the hand and gave it a firm shake, promising myself that I'd try to start using Ren over 'ladyboy.'

Jaune was grinning like an idiot in the background, either pleased that I had been out street ratted by someone or, more likely, happy that I approved of his team. Jaune's sentimental about stuff like that, he thinks that it matters for some reason.

But you know what? Somehow, after we'd spent the next couple of hours chatting and trading embarrassing stories about Jaune back and forth, of which they had a surprising amount for such a short period of time...

I think I felt a little better about the whole thing too.

Except for that Pyrrha hooker.


Jaune's team may not have been as bad as I thought they were going to be, but I was still glad when they left. I hadn't really gotten to sit down and talk with him since the Dust heist, and while I was at least capable of having a conversation with Big Cat and the twin floozies at this point, it just wasn't the same. I was having Jaune withdrawals, as weird as that sounds. I just needed some time to catch up, just me and him.

And this big ass bottle of tequila that I was using to make margaritas. Shh, don't tell Big Cat.

"I'm proud of you." Jaune said, not at all condescending.

"Uh-huh?" I hummed as I licked some of the salt off of the rim of my glass.

"Yeah, you were nice...nicer than I've ever seen you before." He did that goofy smile that both immediately made me feel all warm on the inside...and guilty that I hadn't been even nicer, if you can believe that. "I really appreciate it, Em."

"No biggie." I assured him, sliding him his own margarita, which he eyed warily. Jaune is aware that I'm a heavy pourer. He also might be suspicious that I lied when I told him that Junior had given us his blessing to raid the bar. I'd be offended if it wasn't so accurate. "Ren and Nora seem cool," I offered.

He quirked an eyebrow. "But not Pyrrha?"

"She's…" You ever get in that place where you know that literally any answer that you give is going to lead to a fight? Everyone seems like they've got a different tactic for dealing with it. Mine is to change the subject as smoothly as possible. "Hey, you got your eye on anybody at Beacon yet?"

Fucking nailed it.

Jaune snorted, clearly onto my bullshit. "Em, you're going to have to-"

"I'm just saying, if those two are anything to go by, then Beacon is like a school for supermodels." When in doubt, just plow on through, don't let them get back in the conversation.

"Pyrrha is my-"

"Hell, I wouldn't even blame you if Ren is making you question your sexuality. Did you see that guy when he walked away? Goddamn."

He chuckled. "Careful about saying that around Nora, she's got that guy on lockdown." He smirked. "Even if he doesn't know it yet."

See? Just like that, we don't have to talk about Big Red anymore. Works every time...most of the time.

"Noted, but you're avoiding the question." I teased.

"Gee, wonder who I learned that from." He shot back, wincing as he took a sip from his glass. "Damn, Em, how much did you-"

"Jaune." I insisted.

He sighed and leaned against the bar, burying his head in his arms. I fucking knew it. Jaune has always been something of a lovebug. It's honestly adorable, mostly because he always aims way, way too high.

"What's she like?" I asked, silent begging that it wasn't Pyrrha.

"I don't want to talk about it." He grumbled.

"Great ass? Perky tits?" I pressed. "Maybe a nice pair of DS-"

"No! Yes!" He half-shouted, an adorable blush starting to creep across his cheeks. He coughed and looked away. "She's just...elegant."

Damn, my boy had it bad.

"Does elegant have a name?" I asked, taking another sip of my drink. Yeesh, I had gone too hard on the tequila. He sighed and rested his head on the bar again, humorously close to the imprint of his head Neo had added to it.

"I think she hates me."

Well, at least we already had the booze to go along with the heartbreak.

"I need a name and description if I'm going to help you, Jaune."

He sighed and looked away. "It's Weiss."

"Uh-huh, and what do we know about the future Mrs. Arc?"

He looked back at me with that dopey, dreamy look in his eyes and said. "She's perfect."

Oh boy.

"She's graceful. She's smart. She's fiery." He listed, his head slowly coming up off the dark wood as his tone brightened.

"And what makes you think she's not interested?" She probably wasn't, but you don't say these things as a best friend.

He winced again. "I think that she thinks that I'm only after her for her money or something. I don't know, seems real cagey."

Huh, not exactly the answer I was expecting.

"Yeah? She some sort of local big shot?" I asked, taking another sip.

He shook his head. "Nah, she's a Schnee."

Listen, I'm going to remind you of your promise not to judge me when I say that I did a spit take. And I do mean that literally, Junior would kill me if he ever found out what I did to his booze. Maybe it would help if I gave you some context.

I love Weiss Schnee.

Ew, not like that you perverts. Though she does have a nice ass…

Anyway, I've listened to her music for years. Mirror Mirror is my jam, which is a secret that I will take to my grave. Point being, I may or may not have an account on a Weiss Schnee fan forum, and here was my best friend, not only telling me that she went to Beacon, but he knew her.

"Weiss Schnee, like the singer?" I asked, just to be sure.

"Yeah." Jaune answered, resting his chin on his palm with a dreamy smile. I made a decision in that moment, which I'm not afraid to say wasn't entirely altruistic.

"I'll help you."

"What?" He shot me a confused look, which was fair, I usually didn't get too involved with Jaune's crash and burns.

"For real. Bring her here, and I'll sell you." I assured him.

He perked up at that. "Really?"

I tried to keep my voice level as I answered. "Yep. I'll let her know what a great guy you are, that you'd never go after a chick just because of her name." I meant it too. Jaune was a sweetheart. If anyone deserved to get with their dream girl, it was him.

Also, I was getting that damn autograph.

"You think that'll work?" He asked, hope seeping into his voice.

"Only one way to find out."

Jaune grinned like he'd just won the damn lottery, which made the whole thing worth it.

"You're the best, Em!"

It's nice to be appreciated.

"Anytime."

He hopped up off his stool and downed his drink in one go, which I really wouldn't have suggested, and laughed.

"I'm going to go get them right now!"

"Go get her, tiger." I encouraged, raising my glass. And just like that, he had bolted through the doors of the Club. I sipped on my drink and considered many things. What my sales pitch was going to be, what could I get in the next few days that would be the most valuable for Weiss to sign, and most importantly…

How pissed the bullhead pilot was going to be when a Jaune with a belly full of liquor hopped on his ship?


Weiss' grand entrance into the magical world/prison that is the Club was certainly exciting…

But not the good kind of exciting, like you want.

"What the fuck is she doing here!?" Junior bellowed and pointed as soon as Weiss and the other, less important, people that weren't Weiss pushed open the doors of the bar. I was getting ready to give him an earful for speaking to our guests, our very rich and talented guest, that way, until I noticed that he wasn't pointing at Weiss. He was pointing at the blonde not-Weiss. Who, I have to admit, cut a striking figure with her long blonde hair, lilac eyes, and tight shorts and jacket combo. Also, lady was stacked. I'm just saying, girl had it going on.

Judging by his reaction, and how Tweedletits and Tweedlebum were having an anxiety attack on the far end of the bar, eyes desperately trying to identify all possible escape routes, I'm guessing that they had some history that didn't involve hair care tips and fashion advice.

Jaune, bless his soul, was not as quick on the uptake.

"Something wrong, Mr. Xiong?" He asked, slowly moving forward to stand between the two parties.

Big Cat was livid. "Get that bar wrecking bitc-"

"Watch it." Blondie warned in a hard tone, promising that he'd regret it if he didn't. If the panicky looks coming from Jaune, who'd begun to slowly back away, and the little lolita redhead were anything to go by, he just might.

"Yannnggg." The smaller girl whined, snatching onto the blonde's arm. "We're here to meet Jaune's friends! Be nice!"

'Yang,' for her part, didn't seem too interested in being nice, as her arms started to flex in a way that I suspected probably triggered those giant ass 'bangles' she was wearing. I didn't have to suspect much of anything with Junior, I knew he was reaching for the shotgun he keeps stashed behind the bar. In short, things were about to get real. Really real. I probably wouldn't be getting my autograph real, which is clearly unacceptable.

I'd bribed one of the guys into picking up a vinyl copy of her first album to get autographed if you're curious. Cause I'm classy like that.

As I desperately scanned the room for a way to defuse said time bomb, my eyes locked back in the tiny goth, which I suddenly realized that was our tiny goth. The same one that we'd 'saved' from Roman and Junior's goons back during the Dust robbery.

"Headphones girl!" I blurted out, pointing at the confused girl like I'd just solved some great mystery. She pointed to herself and raise a brow.

"Me?"

"Yeah, from the Dust store robbery!" I quickly recovered. "You were there the night Jaune and I came in and got into a brawl with Roman's goons." I carefully decided to omit the fact that Roman's goons were actually Junior's goons. The girl apparently didn't pick up on it either, because her eyes lit up like I'd just told her it was her birthday.

"Yeah!" She shouted, practically vibrating with excitement. "I thought you looked familiar, but I didn't really get a great look because-!" Realization dawned on her as she spun in place, rounding on Jaune. "You were there too! Why didn't you tell me!?"

Well, the good news is that everyone was now suitably confused and/or curious enough that fighting to the death looked like it was off the table for the time being. The bad news is that I'd just put Jaune in a place that he now had to think of lie on the spot, which is about as far from his strong suit as you can get. Afterall, we couldn't exactly tell them that we'd decided not to go to the cops because we really didn't want them digging into either Jaune or my reasons for being in Vale too hard, let alone contact Papa Arc. Or worse, Mama Arc.

I think I'd rather be an orphan again than deal with that fallout.

Jaune's mouth worked up and down silently for a minute like a fish as the goth girl grabbed a fistful of his hoodie to pull him down to her level.

"We're supposed to be besties!" She pressed, shaking him. "Besties don't have secrets!"

Jaune swallowed. "Ruby, I-"

"It's cause he's shy!" I cut in, starting a lie that I had no end for and drawing every set of eyes in the room to me. The quiet, raven-haired chick with the ass wasn't buying it. She tilted her head to the side and stared right through me.

"He didn't tell her that he was involved in the same fight that she was against armed criminals...because he was shy?" She said, tone somewhere between sarcasm and disbelief that she'd heard such a dumbass statement.

"Uh-huh." I assured her, feeling about a foot tall. "Yeah, you see...Jaune didn't want people to treat him differently just cause he'd, you know, stopped a robbery and all that. Was afraid they'd get all weird about it. He just wanted to be...normal."

Dark and stormy was about halfway through opening her mouth to shoot about a hundred holes in that theory when an audible 'gasp' cut through the room. Goth girl's, or Ruby, I guess, eyes were as wide as saucers as she looked at Jaune like he was some sort of long lost brother.

"Normal knees…" She whispered in awe.

What the fuck?

"Sure…" I said, eager to jump on anything that the girl would give me, "exactly like that."

The look that dark and stormy was giving me said that she was still far, far from sold, but she rolled her eyes and let it go when Ruby, saint of strange that she is, started jumping up and down and tugging on her arm.

"That's so cool! You're just like me! Did Ozpin talk to you guys too? Blake isn't it cool!? Tell them it's cool!"

The girl let out a long sigh that told me this probably wasn't the first, or hundreth, time this had happened and nodded along.

"The coolest."

I shared a brief, very relieved, look with Jaune before continuing to spin my web of bullshit.

"Yeah, we kind of avoided the whole Johnny Law interview process. I may or may not have had some issues with them growing up on the streets of Mistral. Had to do what I needed to get by." I explained, which earned me the usual array of pitying looks that I can't stand. Strangely enough though, it seemed to soften the not-so-subtle glare that 'Blake' had been shooting my way. Huh, well I wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. Time to double down. I made eye contact with Weiss before continuing. "Jaune took care of me though. Led the police off and let me duck out, which is how I ended up here."

You see that folks? I just combined an explanation that set everyone at ease with a sob story, with a side of making Jaune look good in front of his crush. That's how you do it. Hell, after hearing about how he both helped Ruby out in the fight and looked after me all 'strong but caring'-like, I bet her panties were damn near-

"I knew it! I knew he was a charlatan!" The heiress spat out.

Wait, what?

"Weiss…" Ruby, who was quickly rising in my 'people that I can stand in the room' rankings, said as she put a hand on Whitey's shoulder.

"No!" The Rich Bitch insisted, shrugging off Ruby and glaring at Jaune. "He's been hounding me since the start, trying to get close to me, trying to get me to go out alone with him."

Well, this certainly wasn't going as well as I'd hoped.

"And now we find out that he just so happens to be friends with a bunch of thieving riff-raff? No offense." She added, shooting me a quick apologetic look before turning back to Ruby. "Doesn't that seem a little bit convenient to you?"

"None taken, bitch." I muttered, too low for anyone to hear, but still getting a glance from Blake - though not an entirely disapproving one. I filed that little tidbit of info away for later.

The little red-head flinched back. "Weiss, I don't think that-"

"I know you don't Ruby, but do you think that this is the first time that someone's been after me for my money?" She sighed, like owning half of Remnant was some great burden to bear. "And it always starts off the same, 'prince charming'" She made a show of making air quotes here, "comes along and tries to sweep me off my feet, only to roll out the scam."

"What fucking scam!?" I blurted out. I figured that I probably wasn't getting that autograph now anyway. "How the fuck would we even know that you were going to Beacon?"

"Em, we don't have to-" Jaune started, apparently still unfamiliar with the fact that I don't do subtle when I'm pissed.

The Bitch scoffed, "any Atlesian newspaper would have told you that 'the great Weiss Schnee' was breaking tradition by refusing to attend their Huntsman academy. It was national news."

"Bitch, does this look like Atlas to you?" I snapped.

"Em-" Jaune tried again, only to be cut off by Whitey. Having a real hard time with the ladies today, was Jaune.

Flatness scowled, "of course not. And I'll thank you to-"

"Then why would we give a fuck about 'the great Weiss Schnee?'" I cut her off. "No offense."

She looked pretty damn offended, which isn't really that surprising I guess. What was kind of surprising was the snort that came from Thickness, earning her a betrayed glare from the heiress. She just shrugged.

"I mean, I'd heard of your family's crimes against the faunus if that makes you feel any better."

I was really starting to like her.

Short and pasty was fuming. "Those rumors are-"

"Rumors?" Blake quirked an eyebrow, "they were printed in the 'Atlesian Times.'"

Schnee started to sputter, face going a very unique, very hilarious, shade of red. A better person might have stepped back, letting them deal with each other…

"Having a hard time getting it from both ends?" I asked, "gee, I kinda thought you'd be used-"

Jaune had apparently had enough of trying to be subtle, because he snatched my arm and spun me around in a way that would get anyone without the surname Arc punched square in the face. Either way, I was about to give him an earful before I caught the look on his face. Angry for sure, but also mixed with that favorite of parents everywhere...at least, so I've been told.

Disappointment.

That uncomfortable feeling of shame started to bubble up as the haze of anger burned away. These were supposed to be Jaune's new friends, his teammates that he'd be spending the next four years with. The ones that'd be watching his back out there. A better person might have apologized, tried to walk the conversation back and found a place where we could untangle Whitey's crazy theories.

I'm not that person.

So, I did the best I could, tore my arm free and muttered 'whatever' as I pushed past Ruby's little team, making sure to bump the pretty little heiress as I did. She huffed in that way that people that expect to be treated a certain way do and I could hear Jaune apologizing behind me, but I wasn't sorry.

Fuck her.

Her music wasn't that good anyway.

Jaune started yelling something after me that I chose to pretend like I didn't hear. He'd be pissed, but I'd make it up to him. I always did.

I was thinking ice cream as I pulled out my newly acquired credit card and turned it over in my hands.

Courtesy of little miss Schnee of course.


Memory Lane

Eventually the whole 'almost stabbed Cyan' incident blew over, and I managed to worm my way into Jaune's friend group. And by friend group, I mean Cyan. As it turns out Jaune wasn't what you'd call super popular. I used to wonder if that's why Jaune accepted me so easily, because he was just lonely and needed a friend. That maybe Jaune was the weird one and I was the one getting the raw end of the deal, missing out on making more friends.

Upon further review, I've determined that no, it's people that suck and Jaune is pretty great. But hey, that brings us to our story, because two things about Jaune have always been true. He's a giant love bug, and people are too dumb to realize that they're missing out.

"I'm telling you, she likes you." Cyan said in a conspiratorial whisper, only somewhat ruined by the fact that he was leaning halfway across the cafeteria table to do so. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, was Cyan. That'd been the one I'd almost stabbed him with.

Nevertheless, Jaune's eyes lit up like they always did. "Really?"

"Nope." I said at the exact same time that Cyan got out his excited 'yep'. He shot me a glare that said that he might still be carrying a teensy bit of a grudge and looked back to Jaune.

"Don't listen to her, Jaune. She's interested!"

I sighed and pushed my tray away. Clearly we were doing this today.

"How?" I asked.

"How what?"

"How can you tell she's interested?" I asked, making Jaune look over expectantly at Cyan. The other boy groaned and motioned over to the girl in question.

"Because she's been looking at him all lunch. Duh." He finished, like I was the dumb one.

"Pretty sure that she's been staring at Jade." I shot back, lazily pointing my spork at the cute boy sitting at the table behind Jaune.

Cyan tsked. "Him? What's he got on Jaune?"

I'll admit, Cyan made a solid point, but just for the sake of argument…

"Good teeth, perfect hair, cute dimples-" I started, before watching Jaune's face start to fall. "But he doesn't have your eyes!" I quickly tried to recover. "Your eyes are way better!"

Nailed it.

"See?" Cyan preened, clearly taking away the wrong message. "Even Em thinks so. All you have to do is go over there and introduce yourself. Bam! Instant girlfriend!"

Cyan was single for a long time.

Still, Jaune rubbed his chin considering. "Well, dad does say all you need is confidence…"

"Exactly!" Cyan agreed. "Just go tell her how it's going to be!"

I was really proud of him when he grew out of this phase.

"You know what? You're right!" Jaune slapped his hands down on the table and pushed himself up. "I'm going over there!"

I fought to keep from slamming my head on the table and watched as Jaune strutted, or least attempted to strut, around the table and make his way towards the girl, Tange, with a confidence that would have made Papa Arc proud. Tange, for her part, stared at him with ever growing eyes as the gaggle of girls around her started to whisper and giggle. Jaune was undeterred, pulling up in front of her with a big 'ole smile. It went about like you think it would.

"Hi, Tange!" Jaune said excitedly.

"Um, hi." She replied weakly.

"I saw you looking over at our table, and I wanted to ask you something." Jaune rushed out, fidgeting in place.

To her credit, Tange tried to save Jaune from the disaster that we all saw coming. "Oh no, Jaune I was-"

"Will you be my girlfriend?" Jaune blurted out. The cafeteria went dead silent, with every set of eyes in the room locking in on Jaune and Tange, who looked desperately like she wanted to disappear. Instead, she did the only thing you can do in an incredibly awkward situation. Be awkward.

"Um...no, thank you?" She squeaked, slowly sinking down into her chair. All things considered, I like to think she did the best she could in a shitty situation. Now the bitch next to her…

"Ew, why would she want to go out with you?" A girl whose name I couldn't be bothered to remember asked, scrunching up her face like she'd just smelled something rancid. "Do you know who she is?"

Jaune had gone from confused to flustered to beat red. "Well, I…" he swallowed. "I thought-"

"I don't think you did." The girl shot back. "Tange is like, one of the most popular girls in school." She explained, gesturing to a Tange that was well on her way to hiding under the table to escape the situation. "And you…" she squinted her eyes for effect, "who are you again? Why would anyone want to-"

I'm sure that she had something else witty to say, but at some point I had apparently gotten up and started walking over towards them. I don't really deciding that that was something that I wanted to do, but I do remember deciding to do the next part. Jaune looked over at me with a mix of confusion and relief when he saw me approaching, but it wasn't him who I was really focused on. I made damn sure I had eye contact with what's-her-name, grabbed Jaune by the collar, and then slammed my lips into his in the most aggressive kiss that I could manage.

It was terrible, for the record. Turns out rage and inexperience don't make fairy tale romance material. It had the effect I wanted though. The cafeteria went from dead silent to an explosion of gasps, I could hear Cyan whooping somewhere in the background - asshole, but most importantly, little miss loud mouth was sitting with her jaw hanging loose. I smirked into the kiss. That shut her up.

Jaune would complain later, saying that I made it impossible for him to get a girlfriend for the rest of our time there, something about me 'claiming him.' I really wasn't too worried about it.

And yes, I did make that girl's food turn into spiders, thank you for asking.


First Battle

The sound of the charging army was deafening, and flooded my ears well before I managed to muster up the courage to peak my head up above the edge of the trench. That's when I first caught sight of the 'enemy.'

They were legion, they were passionate, and most importantly, they were angry. Angry in a way that I could never truly remember seeing during all my time at sea. They whooped and hollered as they waved a motley collection of weapons above their heads, flags of green and silver fluttering in the breeze.

"Who are they?" I shouted to Burk, who opened his mouth to answer before Captain Atic's angry voice cut through the air.

"Fucking Jaded again! Ship Merc and Em will ya? Load up, boys! We'll show'em!" He yelled, a crazed look in his eyes.

That's when the gunfire started. A mixture of cracks and whistles as they opened up on us, forcing our heads down. The rounds that streaked closest to me made impossible and nonsensical sounds as they passed.

"Problematic-"

"Not canon-"

"Doesn't work-"

To this day, I've never figured out what they were trying to say, but, to my great shame, I found myself firing back in my fear.

Then, as quickly as it started, it was over. The charging army had turned and started heading back to their own trench, seemingly not stronger or weaker than they were before.

"We got'em, boys! Sent those dirty bastards packing!" Captain Atic howled.

I let myself slip back down into the trench, turning to see an exhausted Demy slumped against the wall.

"Did we win?" I ask, foolishly.

He just shook his head. "No one ever wins."