AN: Here we go, another chapter here.
I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!
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Carol had pocketed Alice's "pass" to go to the warehouse and pick out baby things. She'd pocketed it and allowed herself to be escorted back to her house instead. She figured that she could pull it out later and use it when she was feeling more joyous about the occasion. In the old world, shopping had always been something she'd enjoyed, but she had to be in a certain mood to want to pick out anything special. Otherwise, it just ended up being something she grumbled her way through and did grudgingly.
In her house, Carol had found the few baby items that Samirah had given her as a congratulatory "gift" for the fictional child that she'd lost. She'd put them in the extra room that was supposed to become a nursery and she'd ignored their presence. Once she sorted through them again, though, she'd sat down and spent far longer than necessary simply trying to figure out a way that she could use them to tell Daryl about the pregnancy that would be exciting for him—or at the very least, nice.
All she'd successfully done, though, was work herself up into a worse state than the one she'd been in before. She couldn't come up with a nice way to tell Daryl about the baby. There wasn't any surprise to it and she wasn't certain that there would be any excitement. He'd know that she went to take the test and he'd be expecting an answer. It was a simple "yes" or "no" and that was that. They'd go to dinner at the dining hall and there wouldn't be any more to it.
It made Carol irrationally upset to think about the fact that it probably wouldn't feel special to him. And from there? She hadn't needed much help working herself up over every other possible outcome related to the scenario. Despite the fact that they'd talked about it, and both of them had agreed that even if Wave Thirty Three didn't exist they'd still want this child together, Carol had begun to convince herself that Daryl might not even care.
It might just be doing their duty. And a sense of duty, at the moment, robbed the whole thing of its magic.
Carol scolded herself for her feelings and washed her face two different times in cool water. She reminded herself that her emotions were nothing more than the festering negativity that had crept into her when she'd barely woken.
Later, it would all look different. Later she'd be happy because something she'd wanted—something she'd gone so far as to pray for when she'd given up praying some time ago—had come to pass.
And though they didn't talk about what it might really mean if they broke it down, she wanted to be the mother to Daryl's child and he wanted to be the father to her child.
And that child, now, was in existence—no matter how fragile it might be.
Her seething negativity aside, this was a wanted child and a joyous occasion. But Carol couldn't come up with any way to make herself believe that enough to make it so for Daryl.
When Daryl got home, Carol was sitting at their little table, her head on her hand, waiting on him. She watched him as he said good evening to whoever had walked him home and stood at the door—as was their odd custom—to hear the lock engaged. Immediately, he pulled his shirt over his head. He'd been doing dirty labor all day and the contrast between the skin hidden by the shirt and the skin exposed to the dirt made it look like, shirt in hand, Daryl was wearing a flesh-tone colored shirt in its place.
He walked toward Carol, pushing his unruly hair out of his face with his hands—hair that she hadn't gotten around to trimming for him yet. He stopped before he walked past her toward the bathroom, undoubtedly headed for a shower.
Daryl chewed his lip and furrowed his brow at her. He shrugged his shoulders.
"Don't matter, right?" He asked, his voice softer than usual. "Just one thing. One plan. But we got others. She's got others. It ain't over yet."
Carol looked at him and her mouth fell open slightly. She hadn't expected him to take, just from looking at her, an answer to a question that he hadn't asked. She'd expected him to need an explicit answer and, maybe, even a reminder of the question that he needed to ask. She didn't realize that her negativity might be so obvious on her face that he might take it as an answer.
"No," she stammered out, not quite finding the words that she wanted.
"Could be me," Daryl said. "Just as much as it's you. But—she ain't lied yet. There's next month. We just—keep practicing in the meantime. You took a shower yet?"
Carol shook her head.
"No, Daryl," Carol said, meaning to tell him that he'd misunderstood entirely. She didn't get anything else out, though, before Daryl spoke again and interrupted her. He leaned toward her and pushed at her arm.
"Come on then," Daryl said. "Shower with me. I'm filthy but—I can rinse off first."
Carol let him help her to her feet like she was incapable of standing on her own, and she even let him guide her a few short steps in the direction of the bathroom, but finally she stopped him and interrupted their progress.
"Daryl—I meant no, that's not what happened," Carol said. He stopped and looked at her with the furrowed brow again. He was due some confusion and uncertainty. Carol couldn't blame him a bit for it. "I did go to Alice today but—I'm pregnant. She doesn't have to have any other plan because we don't need it. At least, not right now."
"Not right now?" Daryl asked, his brow no less wrinkled.
"Well, I mean—if everything goes well," Carol said. "If we don't have some kind of tragedy as some kind of karma payment for pretending what we did."
"That could happen?" Daryl asked.
Carol wasn't entirely sure if he was referring to whether or not she could lose a baby or if he was referring to her suggestion that it might be some kind of punishment doled out to them by the universe.
"I could lose it," Carol said. "Of course I could. It's—possible. If it weren't possible, then we wouldn't have been able to pull it off with the fake pregnancy. Nobody questioned it because it happens."
Daryl shook his head at her and immediately Carol felt very sorry for him. He must be feeling overwhelmed. He had to be. She'd taken the poor man on an emotional rollercoaster ride that was even worse than the one she'd been on. Hers had been mostly straight down, with a few bumps upward here or there, but Daryl hadn't had that luxury. She'd taken him, in such a short period of time that he was still standing there holding his dirty shirt in his hand, from disappointment to acceptance of that disappointment. Then she'd redirected him toward some hope, and finally she'd slapped him in the face with harsh reality and possible tragedy.
And he responded by simply staring at her—seemingly afraid to react in any way lest he be forced to change his mind again.
"I'm sorry," Carol said. "I'm so—so sorry. This wasn't at all how I wanted this to play out."
"So—you are pregnant, or you aren't?" Daryl asked.
Carol nodded her head.
"I am," she said. Relief didn't wash over his features immediately.
"But there's something wrong with it?" Daryl asked.
Carol shook her head in response.
"No," she said. "I mean—I don't actually know. But there's nothing that I know of. It's really too early for us to know anything besides the fact that I'm pregnant. The rest comes later."
Daryl chewed at his lip like he was trying to work a piece of skin loose while he worked through the jigsaw puzzle that Carol had presented him with instead of the happy announcement she'd been trying to plan for most of the day.
"Is there something wrong with you?" Daryl asked.
"I'm fine," Carol said.
"Then why are we losing the baby?" Daryl asked.
Carol almost laughed. She covered her mouth. Suddenly her mood felt oddly elevated from what it had been. Poor Daryl was about as confused as anybody could be at the moment—almost seeming afraid to commit to an opinion about the situation—and Carol couldn't help but think how terribly sorry she was that she'd let him get into that state because she couldn't control her own emotions. And she couldn't help but think—and it was this feeling that brought the smile to her face—that he was such a wonderful man because, when the confusion was finally removed, he wouldn't likely be mad at her for causing it in the first place.
"We're not," Carol said, shaking her head. "We're not. We're not losing it. I just meant that it was possible, but it's not guaranteed. It's not really even likely. It's just a possibility. It's a worst case scenario." Finally there was some sign of relief on Daryl's face, but he remained rigid like he didn't trust it just yet. Carol wrapped her arms around him, pulling herself against his chest. "I'm so sorry," she said. "I wanted to have a wonderful way to tell you so that you'd—be happy. And I did the exact opposite."
Daryl moved a hand and patted Carol on the back, but he didn't say anything for a moment.
"You're pregnant and everything's alright?" Daryl asked finally. Carol hummed. She could hear his heart thundering in his chest. Maybe she'd dragged him through more thoughts than she'd even imagined. "But you weren't happy when I came in."
"Because I didn't know how to tell you," Carol said.
"'I'm pregnant' could've pretty much covered it," Daryl pointed out.
"I wanted it to be exciting for you," Carol said. "And—there's not much exciting about this."
Daryl laughed.
"I'm pretty damn excited," he said. "You ran through that shit like a t.v. that had a button stuck on the remote. I feel like I just watched a great white shark eat someone from Little House on the Prairie while they was on the Enterprise."
Carol laughed at him and pulled herself off of him. He was smiling. He looked relieved, more than anything, but he was smiling.
"Shower?" Carol asked. Daryl nodded and she pulled him toward the bathroom. She started the water in the shower and he stood there and stared at her. "You might want to take your clothes off," Carol offered, stepping away from the shower and stripping out of her own clothes. Daryl snapped back into the moment and nodded his head while he worked his way out of his. Carol let him step into the shower first and rinse himself under the warm water before she followed after. "Better?" She asked.
"Are you?" Daryl asked. "You looked about as low as a body could get when I walked in that door."
"It's not the pregnancy. At least—it's not about the pregnancy. I've just been down all day," Carol said. "And—it's just gotten worse as the day has gone on. But really, I'm happy. I mean this is what we wanted. It's—what you wanted too, right?"
Daryl nodded his head only slightly and then he dipped his head back to rinse the shampoo out of his hair that he'd worked into a lather. Carol left him to finish and feel satisfied that it was clean and that the suds wouldn't run into his eyes. When he tipped his head back up, shaking a little of the water out in an almost canine fashion, Daryl dropped a hand and grazed his fingertips over Carol's stomach, not far below her breasts.
"So—that's it?" Daryl asked. "I mean there's a baby and—it's there now?"
Carol bit her lip, the oddly warm sensation that had flowed over her earlier returning, and she nodded her head and hummed at him. She could tell him that where he was touching wasn't entirely accurate, but she chose, instead, to simply enjoy the feeling of his fingertips brushing her skin. She chose, instead of correcting him, to take the gentle touch as what it was and to enjoy what it meant. The tenderness to his touch, and the soft look of something akin to adoration on his face, meant more than anything he might have said at the moment.
"That's it," Carol said. "Now we just—wait. Wait for it to grow. Wait for what's next."
Daryl had been staring at her while he touched her, but he dropped his hand and brought his eyes to meet hers now. The expression, though, didn't leave his features entirely. It was, Carol thought, much nicer than the look of absolute bewilderment that she'd caused him earlier.
"You feel different?" Daryl asked.
Carol considered the question for a moment. She wasn't entirely sure what he might be referencing—what feeling he might think she ought to have that he wanted confirmed—but she did feel different. Even if it wasn't what he had in mind, there was something there that felt different inside of her. Something that had changed a little, even, in the past few moments. She smiled at him and nodded her head.
"I do," Carol said. A quick hint of a smile flitted across Daryl's lips. "Wash, Daryl," Carol said. "Let's go to bed?"
"Early," Daryl responded. "Still got supper."
Carol swallowed.
"We'll call and have it delivered," she responded. "Tell them—we've got a lot to celebrate."
