AN: Here we go, another chapter here.
I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!
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Carol rolled over and realized that she was in the bed alone. It wasn't an easy night. She'd been up twice—both times feeling sick but never able to really do anything about it—and she'd sent Daryl back to bed both times. There was nothing she could do about the overall icky feeling that had come over her and there was certainly nothing he could do about it. He had to work the next day and, unlike her job where she could get away with doing nothing too strenuous, Daryl's job involved manual labor. He needed his rest. It appeared, though, that Daryl was up and about, now, at any rate. Carol sighed and pushed back the cover. She got out of the bed and rearranged her nightgown where it had gotten twisted around her with the tossing and turning that had accompanied what fitful sleep she'd gotten.
Carol padded into their living room and found Daryl sitting at the window in one of their kitchen chairs. The light from the street lamps outside filtered into the open curtains and illuminated his position a little.
"What are you doing?" Carol asked.
"Thought you was finally sleeping," Daryl said. "You need it."
"You need it more," Carol said. "They'll have you working tomorrow and if you can't stay awake, it could be dangerous."
"It'll be alright," Daryl said.
"What are you doing?" Carol asked, repeating her question that had gone unanswered.
"Watching," Daryl said.
"For what?" Carol asked, crossing the floor and coming to stand behind Daryl so that she could look out the window. Outside the street was empty. There weren't even any guards out doing the rounds and making sure that nobody was trying to break out of their homes. Nothing was happening in Woodbury. Carol could believe, even, that she and Daryl were the only two awake at this hour.
"Whatever I gotta watch for," Daryl said. "People. People like that woman what broke into Andrea and Michonne's house and beat the shit out of them."
"The woman didn't beat the shit out of them," Carol pointed out. "The guards did."
"She sure didn't stop 'em," Daryl pointed out. "Guess I'm watching for guards, too."
Carol sighed and went for the other kitchen chair. She brought it over and put it near Daryl's chair. She sat down in it, reclined a little, and propped her feet up on Daryl's lap. She hadn't meant for him to do anything about it, but he reached and gathered one of her feet into his hands and began kneading it. She didn't ask him to do it, but she didn't ask him to stop either.
"So how long do we watch for them?" Carol asked. "Because—I don't think they're coming tonight. It looks pretty quiet out there."
"Looked pretty damn quiet before you come looking for me too," Daryl said. "Telling me that Alice sent you to get some help to get Andrea down to the clinic."
"But you were a hero," Carol offered. Daryl hummed. "You were. You carried her down there like—she didn't weigh anything. In that moment? You were probably Andrea's hero."
"Shouldn't have needed it," Daryl said. "Weren't that the whole idea here? Didn't need to have nobody looking out for us because we weren't in prison anymore. Getting a whole new life and still there's guards just busting in and beating the hell outta people for no good reason at all."
"Some things don't change," Carol said. "At least—not quickly."
"Didn't Alice say that Andrea's kid is like some kinda special kid?" Daryl asked. "To this project. It matters a whole lot or something?"
"Milton has the whole thing divided into levels," Carol said. "And—Andrea's at the top of those levels. Her baby's very important."
"Is it OK?" Daryl asked.
"It was fine," Carol said. "Alice did an ultrasound. The baby was fine."
"But it might not have been," Daryl pointed out. "Throwing her around like that. Something could've happened."
"It could have," Carol agreed. "But thankfully it didn't. Andrea doesn't need that. She doesn't need to deal with that."
"Nobody does," Daryl said.
Carol wiggled her foot enough to free it from Daryl's grasp and then nudged his hand with the other foot. Without even seeming to notice it, he made the switch and began to knead her other foot with his hands, working out his problems while he worked out any soreness that she might have in her feet.
Carol yawned with the relaxed sensation the foot massage was bringing over her.
"Andrea's fine," Carol offered. "You can go to sleep if you're worried about her. She'll be just fine. And Alice figures that the psychiatrist is getting new guards. Some of our guards. The ones that don't want to kill anyone just for existing."
"It ain't Andrea I'm worried about," Daryl said. "I mean—hell, I guess I'm a little worried about her. I don't want her to die. Don't want her kid to die. But mostly...it could've been you just as easy that they broke in on. Could've been you that Alice was coming to tell me they'd just...and what would've happened then?"
Carol shrugged her shoulders.
"If the same thing happened," Carol said, "then I guess I would've gotten stitches. And I wouldn't have liked it, but you'd have held my hand and it wouldn't have been too bad. And then Alice would have done an ultrasound and we'd have seen our baby. And we'd come home and—go to bed. And start again tomorrow." Carol pulled her feet free from Daryl now and sat up. He was still looking out the window and into the street where absolutely no activity was taking place. She knew, now, that he wasn't looking at anything though. He was thinking. His eyes just needed somewhere to focus. "They're not coming back," Carol said softly. "And they're not coming for me. Or you."
"But what if they did?" Daryl asked. He looked at Carol, then, finally breaking the hold that the outside seemed to have on him. "We got a good thing here. Best thing I ever had in my whole life. I don't wanna lose it."
Carol shook her head at him.
"I don't want to lose it either," she said. "And—we're not going to. But that doesn't mean there aren't going to be bumps in the road. This was just a bump."
"Wouldn'ta just been a bump to Andrea if they'da killed her kid," Daryl pointed out.
"It would've been a very big bump," Carol said. "But a bump nonetheless. And Andrea would've gotten through it. Michonne would've gotten Andrea through it. And that's what we'll all do. We'll get through whatever bumps we have to get through because that's what we do."
"They come here," Daryl said, "and I ain't letting 'em in. I ain't letting them get near you. I remember what them assholes looked like—slinking away like they were dogs being run outta the yard. I won't let 'em near you."
"And if you try to stop them, they'll just shoot you," Carol said. She shook her head at Daryl. "We're not playing for flags anymore, Daryl. We're not getting flags and repeated trips to taming. Here? If we don't play by their rules, we get shot. And they're shooting to kill. Nobody's making it out of here alive unless they say so. And what you said before? You were right. We've got a good thing here and we don't want to lose it. So we play by the rules."
"And just let 'em beat on you?" Daryl asked. "Because—I can't do that. They can shoot me, but they damn well better shoot me dead. I don't care. They start that shit here? I got nothing left to lose. I don't mean that much to me when it all comes down to it."
"No," Carol said. She got up from the chair she was sitting in and stood over Daryl. She positioned herself to sit on his lap and he moved his hands out of her way to make room for her. She lowered herself down and sat facing him. There was no way he could look away from her. He couldn't avoid her. She caught his hand and gathered it into her own in the same way that he'd been holding her foot earlier. "I want you to listen to me. Before all this happened? Way back before? There were things that—I didn't think I'd get through. But I got through them. When hell broke out around me? And suddenly I was alone with my daughter? I didn't think I'd live. But I lived. When I got captured and I—when I lost my daughter? I thought I'd die. But I didn't. And then I just—stopped having any expectation. I didn't expect to live and I didn't expect to die. I just didn't expect anything. I was just existing. I was just surviving. And then I met you. You. And I hadn't felt anything good in so long, Daryl, that I didn't even know what good felt like anymore." She smiled at him. "But then you took me to a storage room—and I felt a little bit of good. And then we came here—and I felt a little more good. And now? We have a home. We have jobs. I never would have thought it, but I'm pregnant. And we're going to have a baby. You and me. And one of these days? The guards are moving out of here and the locks are going off the doors. And you and me? We're going to live a real life together, Daryl. Whatever's left of it. Just like we said we would. So—I'm not going to allow you to take that away from me because you're scared of losing it. I'm not going to let you throw it away, just because you're scared of losing it. You hear me? We play the game. And we play to win."
Daryl stared at her long enough that Carol almost looked away to break the contact between them. When he finally moved, it was to free his hand from hers and bring it up to touch her face. She closed her eyes to the welcomed sensation of his fingertips brushing her cheek.
"What if it ain't a game we can win?" Daryl asked. "Because—you gotta think that sometimes. What if we just don't win this one?"
"Then we lose together," Carol said. "But we're not losing right now. Hurricane Maggie comes back and she talks to us with new guards. Our guards. And we play the game. We don't let her find us here, keeping watch over the street like this. We let her find us here being people. Living normal lives. Looking forward to a future that we're confident is going to happen. OK? Whatever happens, happens, but we don't ever let them pin it on us. We play the game."
Daryl nodded his head at her.
"Don't wanna lose you," he said.
"You're not going to," Carol said. "But—you can't leave me."
"Wouldn't," Daryl said. "Couldn't."
"Not even for your brother?" Carol asked. "Alice is going to get you in to see him soon. You're going to be expanding the clinic. She's going to bring him in. If he tries to talk you into something, then what?"
Daryl shook his head at her.
"Not even then," he said. "Merle's my brother but you're..."
Daryl stopped.
"I'm what?" Carol asked.
Daryl shook his head and laughed to himself. It wasn't a sincere laugh. There was a melancholy quality to it.
"I don't know," Daryl said. "My mate? My—companion? I don't like none of them words. Haven't since I heard them."
Carol's stomach twisted and she knew that, this time, she couldn't blame it on her body trying to adjust to the new life that it was still growing accustomed to supporting.
"What do you want me to be?" Carol asked.
Daryl shrugged his shoulders gently.
"Hell, I don't know," Daryl said. "Something that—don't even exist anymore. At least, not for animals, right?"
Carol swallowed and shook her head.
"No," she said. "No—it all still exists. And we're not animals. Remember? Animals—don't stay up at night worrying if people are going to come and kill them. They just keep living until they die. They don't worry like we do. We're not animals. They tried—they tried to turn us into animals, but we're not animals. Daryl—it all still exists. For us, too. What do you want me to be?"
Daryl chewed at his lip.
"If it was another place?" Daryl asked. "If, this weren't the world we were living in? Would you have married me? Been my wife?"
Carol relaxed a little, back onto Daryl's legs, and sensing the shift in her weight he moved his hands to wrap them around her. She felt them on her hips, steadying her, protecting her from toppling backward if that's where she might have been headed.
His instinct was to stop her from falling.
Her instinct was to stop him from jumping.
Carol nodded.
"I would have been honored to be your wife," Carol said. "And I still would be."
Daryl nodded at her, but he didn't say anything else on the matter. He moved one hand enough to pat her thigh.
"Let's go to bed," he said. "They ain't coming tonight, but they'll come for work in the morning. And you and the baby gotta sleep."
Carol backed off of him and let him get to his feet. She started to move the chairs but he told her to leave them where they were and it seemed just as reasonable to her, at that moment, as moving them had.
"Would you want to marry me, Daryl?" Carol asked. He hummed in the affirmative.
"Just ain't a thing no more," Daryl said, taking her hand and tugging her toward the bedroom. Maybe this time they'd both sleep. "So I guess—it don't really matter."
