I was in my usual hiding place, when I saw Lincoln doing his 4th wall thing where he talks to the cosmic entities beyond our dimension. I think he was talking about how Lynn took her team out to Chipotle to celebrate winning some game, I don't know which one since she wins so often, they kind of meld together, and she ate so much spicy food that she destroyed the bathrooms there. The E Coli O-157 H7 that is found naturally in Chipotle food didn't help either, but whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I guess.

"Well, Lucy is probably hiding in the vents again, so I should move on to explaining my other sisters."

I get out of my hiding place and stand near the vicinity of where my brother is.

"Hey, Lincoln."

"AAAGH! Oh, hey Luce."

"I heard you talking about us to the Great Old Ones, so I thought I'd introduce myself."

"Great Old Ones? Lucy, we aren't in some Lovecraftian horror story…"

"I know, that's just what I call the cosmic entities that watch us."

"How do you know about that?"

"You talk to no one sometimes, so there might be some transuniversal portal that you can talk through."

"Well, Lisa did build that Dimensional Watch in a dream I once had…oh…right. That wasn't real…"

"Anyways…"

I turn to face the 4th wall.

"I'm Lucy Loud. I am an 8-year-old girl that is into morbid and macabre stuff. My hobbies are poetry and running the morticians club, with fellow co-president and my friend, Haiku. I hang out at the cemetery sometimes to get inspiration for my poems, with which my brother sometimes helps out with. I have a pet bat named Fangs that sometimes keeps me company. Well, I should let Lincoln have his introduction back…"


That was probably one of the most awkward experiences ever. Sigh, well at least I can fixate on my poetry, though…Lincoln is the one that gives structure to my poems. But at least when structure falls, and all else fails, I can transcribe it once again.

Remember when I said whatever doesn't kill you make you stronger? That's a reason why I tend to avoid people. You've seen how my siblings are and I am the weakest of our sisters. Even Lily has that new baby strength. I have about the same strength as Lincoln (incapable) so I have to outwit them, which is kind of hard since Lisa is a literal genius and is a known snitch. She told Lynn about Lincoln's Ronnie Anne problem, but I heard it while I was in the vent thinking of yet another poem to write.

I get a call on my cellphone.

"Hey, Luce."

"Haiku? What's going on?"

"We're having a mortician's club meeting and I can't start it with my co-president. We're at our usual meeting place."

Haiku hangs up. The usual place we hang out is at the cemetery. Even though I can slink around the shadows with ease. I cannot teleport, like some of you guys can claim we can do. Even in this comic book world, we can still get hurt and/or die. Toon physics doesn't exist in this dimension.

I take my hand me down bike and pedal my way over to the cemetery. You know, I actually managed to beat Lynn in an endurance race. I guess I should thank Luan for that, since I managed to follow her on the Giggling Geezer's tour bus for six blocks!

While pedaling I see that there's a crack in the sky, I pass through an iridescent aura just as it closes. I begin getting a headache and have a delirious vision. Ugh, I hope that some prion didn't leak out and give me CJD. Well it doesn't matter right now, I can't miss the meeting; The club is counting on me!

I part my hair and see a hazy silhouette of purple. That must be Haiku with the other club members. But why do I have a strange compulsion to…

I hear an unholy shriek as my legs move independent from my control. I feel the wind rush past me as I collide with my friend with a force of 264 newtons (Lisa told me that afterwards).


"Oh, this feels nice."

I snap out of my stupor and see that I am hugging Haiku, much to the disgust of everyone else, including myself. I let go of her and re-cover my eyes.

"Sorry about that."

"Well, now that we're all here, why did you call a meeting?"

"Ugh, why did you make Lucy co-president, Haiku?" Bertrand complains "It was already agreed that we all would have chosen you, Lucy aside. It was a 6 to 1 vote."

"Did you make that scream, Lucy? That was a pretty good 96 impression if it was."

"96? What are you talking about?"

"How could someone know all about horror and not know of the SCP Foundation? Even the normies know about it!" Boris explains "SCP-096-EN is a Euclid class humanoid that's about 8 ft tall, has freakishly long arms, is about as indestructible as a Nokia 3310 and will [DATA EXPUNGED] any poor person that even looks at so much as a pixel of what it actually looks like. Artist renditions are fine, however."

"Now that you mention it, I think a normie did mention something like that. I just though it was one of those terrible creepypastas, so I paid it no mind."

"Oh, that's acceptable. Creepypastas aren't true horror stories, they're just written by wannabe posers."

The meeting was about what we're going to do at school tomorrow. It was actually just more of the same stuff we normally do, so I'll spare you the details, since you already know about us. I begin to leave when Haiku stops me.

"Lucy, why did you hug me?"

"I don't know! I just saw something that looked like you and there was just a sudden urge to hug you. I have no idea why or how this happens! I can't even stop myself! My legs move on their own, and by kilometers too, so it's very fast."

"That is strange. Well, you will tell me what cause this compulsion if you ever figure out what it is, right?"

"Yeah, but this seems to be completely anomalous. I'm not sure it has an explanation."

We both leave the cemetery. I head back to our house.