"Lincoln, Lana doesn't understand I have to keep my winning streak alive. Get her to help me prepare for my pageant!"

"Lincoln, Lola is just being her bossy self once again to rope me into helping her with something she knows she's going to win!"

"Well no, I did get 4th place in that southeastern Michigan pageant…"

"Exactly, so why do you care so much about winning?!"

Lincoln has heard enough.

"Both of you, quiet!"

We look at him.

"Lana, do you remember what F.U.N is?"

"Oh, yeah, that SpongeBob song!"

"Actually, it stands for functional universe value!" We all hear Lisa respond

I begin to sing the song, but Lincoln interrupts me.

"F is for futile, know that you can't resist; U is for useful, all are cogs in a machine; N is for nothingness, now cease and desist in totality."

Somewhere, a small black-haired girl in goth like attire nods silently at the U.N.F.U.N song in approval.

"That's not how the song was!" I protest

"She's right, Linky; Because it was, F is for fire that burns down the whole town, U is for uranium…bombs, N is for no survivors when you conquer the city."

"Well, that's just completely idiotic."

"I like my version better. Anyways, Lana, help Lola with her pageant."

Lola fist pumps the air, her brother finally sided with her instead of me for once! She was about to do a celebratory dance before Lincoln interrupts her.

"If you do a Fortnite dance, I'm changing my mind!"

Lincoln sighs as Lola decides to salvage some of her dignity by not doing something that the entire world would cringe at. Our brother sees that I am indignant at having to help Lola.

"Don't worry about it, Lans. Once Lola is at the pageant, you can do anything you want without her bothering you until she gets back."

"Alright, fine."


As funny as it would be to see Lola humiliate herself by doing a cringy Fortnite dance, we all know nobody wants to see that, not even 9-year-olds. So, do you expect me to find my prissy twin's perfect dress? Well, you're too late. As soon as Lincoln left, she found it in her closet, alongside all the other pink dresses she owns. She must be colorblind or something. Anyways, after she left, I decided to walk outside and play in the mud.

It was a sunny day so there's no mud, but at least there was a rainbow I walked under. Oh well, I guess I'll watch some SpongeBob.

I turn on the TV, miraculously the episode Band Geeks was on. Lincoln told me everyone, even cosmic entities love this episode because finally, for once in his miserable life, Squidward Quincy Tentacles, voted most likely to suck eggs in high school, won. He managed to play for the Bubble Bowl while David Glen Eisley's masterpiece "Sweet Victory" plays.

"Okay, football fans. Put your hands together for the Bikini Bottom Super Band!"

So, SpongeBob can time travel. This was proven in SB-129, but this time they didn't even need a time machine! They traveled back to 1985, when the Memphis Showboats and the Tampa Bay Bandits were playing! The date was March 29. It can't be wrong, I got it off Wikipedia. This episode was made September 7, 2001.

Squidward is about to get humiliated by his snobbish rival, Squilliam Fancyson and he had just about given up on the band…

"[Nervously] Alright, everybody. [Glances at Squilliam, who grins and bounces his unibrow] Let's get this over with. 1, 2, 3, 4..."

Gee, if only a SpongeBob fan would have actually been there!

I get close to the TV and all of a sudden, it pulls me in! What the heck, this isn't like 1128-EN where you can somehow get pulled into a glass of water! There's nothing wrong with this TV, and I don't recognize the bodies in the water where 1128-EN resides!


I wake up in the stadium's past…everything seems to be in some sort of stasis. Well, that sucks! I wanted to experience a live performance of a masterpiece. I saw from a webpage that Lincoln saw on the Internet that in order to time travel, we need Japanese maple sap, an ability to feel music and we need to get into the zone with an instrumental from the 80s. Well, the Internet said that this is called the K(AY?)-DAY method. But, shouldn't it be J(AY?)-DAY? K is for Korea, I mean, look at K-POP; Therefore, J would be for Japan. Welp, I have none of those things, so I guess I'm stuck in a time stopped version of 1985.

A portal appears and I go through it. I end up back in the house as time flows back to normal…weird.

I try testing this out on a few things. First, Lincoln's dorky superhero comic books. I go through until I find something. It's in Japanese, so I can't read it. I don't think Lincoln understands Japanese, so I don't think he can understand it either. The title is ぼく の へろ あかでみあ and has a picture of a really buff Japanese Superman on the cover. Well, here goes nothing.

I enter the manga, like the show, everything has stopped. I see some Japanese kid clad in green run toward a pile of living sludge to save an edgelord looking character. I think I heard Lincoln weeb out once the anime came out. I think his name was Akatsuki and his future hero name was さついじん-てきな ばくはつ (Satsuijin-tekina Bakuhatsu) what was it, Murderous Explosion? Yeah that seemed about right, considering all he does is scream "die!" at people all the time and act like a cocky jerk. No wonder he's a fan favorite! Well, with time stopped, there's nothing we can interact with in here. Time to head back.

I exit the manga through a similar portal. Back at home, I wonder if this ability can work on fanfiction…only one way to find out. I see one that looks interesting and jump in.

This place looks like a desolate wasteland. I think I see our sisters dressed up like cult members. They're praising someone known as the prodigal son. It seems so sad.

"It really is."

A woman that appears to be in her 30s approaches me, she has brown, slightly curled hair and holes in her hands.

"This sad universe died. Over there is where the story "ends". Nothing sadder than an unfinished story. Something about their creator retiring, or something."

"Who are you?"

"My name is Sophia, and am looking at parallel universes, just like you. Only this time, there's no overcomplicated 0.5x A presses to watch out for rolling rocks. These are actual alternate universes. There were more here. One was CD-WIAFD-2…my colleague Green was rather fond of that one and wanted 082-EN to read it. Personally, I find cannibalism rather disturbing and morbid, and the rest of us agreed. I thought your umbra haired sister would like these kind of horror stories, so it's kind of odd to see you here."

"So, there's nothing here?"

"Well, I mean there's endless pain and suffering, if you're into that sort of stuff. But no, not really. I'm about to leave this dimension anyways and head to the library. I'll leave your endeavors up to you."

We leave this dead dimension. I end up back home, but there's one last thing I want to try.


"How about webcomics? I've got the perfect one. I search up some famous comic by a typing corporation and head in. I chose chapter 100 as this one is relatively safe. This comic appears to show these "SCPs". This chapter focuses on a 239-EN.

"SCP-239-EN, The Witch Child, Object Class: Keter, Threat Level: Black?"

I continue reading.

"SCP-239-EN is an 8-year-old girl that is about 1 meter in height and 20 kilograms in weight. Anything that 239 thinks of will become a reality. 239 can only affect things in her vision, as such, her anomalous ability will not happen if she's asleep. She is nearly invincible because of this. SCP-239-EN has been told she's a witch, which improved her morale greatly. The Foundation has given her a list of "spells" for her to use. Excerpt from Incident 239-B Clef-Kondraki [DATA EXPUNGED]."

I begin to leave, but I notice the machine keeping Typecorp-239 comatose is malfunctioning. Since everything else is frozen in time, this is highly odd and even if it wasn't, the Foundation would execute me for knowing to much/sneaking onto a military base.

The machine explodes in a glorious fashion as 239 slowly comes to. She begins to stand. Immediately, her legs buckle from being in a coma for close to 12 years now. She manages to support herself.

"You, you're not a Foundation personnel, are you?"

"How are you not frozen like the others?!"

"Frozen?"

She looks at the temporally displaced personnel."

"I have no idea."

"Well, this has been interesting."

I leave through a portal before she has a chance to react. Back in reality, I decide that this is enough trans-dimensional fun for today.


"Wait…don't go…please…"

"SCP-239-EN has breached containment! Get Doctor Clef on the line immediately!"

The name "Doctor Clef" triggers some intense emotions locked within her for 12 years.

That's right. He announced that he was going to kill me over the intercom. It led to a full-scale breach. He won't leave me alone. They won't leave me alone. I just want to go home!

"SCP-239-EN has gone black, repeat 239-EN has gone black!"

"Orders?"

"Terminate immediately. She's too dangerous to be kept alive."

The panels fade to black. Refreshing chapter 100 shows nothing but a black screen and the words [DATA EXPUNGED] written out in red.