AN: Thank you all for your comments! They always put a smile to my face when I read them!
Enjoy :)
Shikamaru soon excused himself because he had work in the afternoon but promised to be back in the evening with a few of his clothes. She wasn't sure how the whole living together with her crush was going to turn out, but to say she was freaking out was a little bit the understatement of the year.
Although they would be living together for only a few days (she hoped) they would do so in a very cramped space, and it looked like they would eat at least two meals together every day, if she counted breakfast. That meant that they would have to converse with each other, which also meant that she could not avoid him like before. She was just glad that he hadn't figured out that she had not, in fact, been avoiding Ino like everyone else had assumed, but him. Thank Kami for small mercies.
They would also be sharing a bathroom together, and she did not want to think about that after an image of a half-naked Shikamaru with only a tiny towel wrapped around his hips flashed in her mind and made her blush. She was eternally grateful to whichever Kami had made sure no one had seen her do that.
In a nutshell: she was doomed.
With a sigh, she busied herself with cleaning her apartment, with a few smoking breaks in-between, because she was totally stressed out about this whole situation, and a few allowances had to be made, right? If things continued this way, she wouldn't be an on and off smoker anymore, but a full-fledged chain smoker.
She wondered about what he was going to do from now on. Was he going to break up with Temari? Or was he going to go back to her like the last times? He hadn't really explained, but it did seem like he wasn't going back without making a few changes at least.
To get her mind off things, Sakura decided to go to the hospital for the remaining hours of the day, even though today was supposed to be her day off. The nurses were reluctant to let her work at first, but an influx of emergency patients gave them no choice but to accept her help. Though, they did make her promise not to come back the next day so that she could get the rest she needed. Sakura agreed in the end, albeit reluctantly, because nurses were scary and if she wasn't being careful, they would report this to Tsunade, and she definitely didn't want to be on the receiving end of that tirade.
She returned home after doing some shopping and decided to do some relaxation exercises on the balcony. She had started this about six months ago, when the stress of her job had caught her off guard, and she had had a mini breakdown. Her team and her parents were the only ones who knew how serious her workaholic attitude had become and had taken great care in keeping her company during her time recuperating.
Sakura had been recuperating at home for a week before she had felt like she could face the world. She had gradually increased her working hours from then on. Tsunade had been extremely reluctant to let her back to work that early, but the lack of medics in Konoha was still a problem and so she had had no choice but to let her come back. After that incident, Tsunade and the nurses had been keeping a close eye on her, and Sakura had agreed to take at least two days off in a week to keep up her health.
It was funny, how things sometimes went, but before the incident she and Sai had never been really that close. Yes, they had been teammates, and after the whole Danzo affair, she had started to trust him as well. But she had never felt as close as she had with Naruto or Kakashi, until the day he had appeared on her doorstep on her day off, with a spare canvas and some ink and watercolors for her use.
He had then, over the course of a few weeks on her off days, shown her about his passion, and although Sakura would never become an artist, or good at drawing for that matter, she did enjoy the calm and serene feeling that overcame her whenever she sat down and decided to draw. After that very intense instruction from Sai, they had started to really hit it off as friends, and now regularly met up to draw alongside each other.
Sai was different from Naruto or Kakashi, because he never asked her annoying question or tried to fill the silence with nonsensical chatter. And whenever there was something she wanted to talk about, he was there to listen, without judging her. And, as things went, he became what Ino would have become to Sakura, if the incident during her childhood hadn't put a rift between the two. Sometimes she wasn't sure they would ever overcome that rift.
She had also adopted some other relaxation techniques in order to relax from a stressful day at work. She couldn't let things get as bad as that time six months ago, and so she had started doing breathing exercises or taken up reading whenever she needed to come down from a stress high.
At the moment, she was sitting on the balcony cross-legged, her arms resting comfortably on her legs as she breathed in deeply, her eyes closed. She tried to forget all about the rush from the hospital, meeting Shikamaru and offering him a place to sleep. She almost succeeded if it hadn't been for the knock that interrupted her in her exercise.
Exasperated at being interrupted in her relax time for the second time today, she stood up and went to open the door. There stood Shikamaru with his posture slouched as always, his left hand hidden in the pocket of his trousers and his right holding the strap of a backpack half slung over his shoulders. Exasperation forgotten, she stepped aside to let him in, and walked by her into the living room to drop the backpack next to the couch.
"Hey."
"Hey. I'll just go and grab you a blanket and a pillow from the bedroom. Uh, make yourself comfortable." He turned around and smiled at her as he thanked her. She couldn't help but feel a little bit awkward at the whole situation, and she was glad she could gather her thoughts for a moment. While she collected the blanket and spare pillow from her closet, she repeated It's only for a short time. It's only for a short time over and over in her head like a mantra.
"You're not going to make me sleep on the couch, right? I'm sorry I didn't argue with what my mother said. You don't have to be a stay-at-home mom-" Sakura froze at the familiar voice that belonged to the other Shikamaru, the one who loved her in a reality that didn't exist anymore. But no matter how much she strained to hear more, the room stayed silent.
A bit confused by the sudden memory of her dream world, she returned to the living room only to find him sitting down and ruffling through his backpack. He looked up when he heard her approach. It felt weird seeing him sitting on her couch, all comfortable. It almost seemed like he belonged there. But she had to remind herself that it wasn't true, that it would probably never be true.
"Are you sure it's okay that I'm staying here?" She handed him the blanket and pillow and he put them on the ground next to his backpack.
"What are you saying? I already told you that it's okay to stay over. It's just a little strange because I've never lived with anyone other than my parents." She sat down next to him on the couch. "Are you sure you're okay with this? The couch is pretty small." The couch was so small, in fact, his feet wouldn't fit. Who was she kidding, part of his legs wouldn't even fit on this small couch. It only had space for two people to sit on it.
"I can handle the couch. I've had worse during missions. Thanks again, for letting me stay." he smiled at her in gratitude, which made her feel warm in her chest. She could feel her heart picking up the pace in her chest.
"It's not a problem. You're always welcome here. Have you had dinner yet?" She avoided his eyes as best as she could. It wouldn't do to blush now. Or ever, if she wanted to hide her crush.
"Uh no, after work I went straight to Ino and Chouji's to get my stuff." Sakura stood up and headed to the kitchen to see what she could whip up. He followed her into the kitchen.
"How did that go?" she inquired while she rummaged through her fridge. He stood somewhere behind her, leaning on the counter most likely.
"It was fine really. At first she didn't understand why I made such a big deal out of this but…Chouji made sure she understood that this wasn't like the other times." She went to the stove and started to prep the ingredients as they talked. She was okay with him just talking, it gave her hands something to do, and gave her an excuse not to look at him.
"What's so different about this time?" What did she say to rattle you so much?
"It's not so much as what happened in this fight but about everything else as well. I think we both underestimated how hard it is to leave behind her village and her family. In Suna, she would have been one of Gaara's closest advisors, and here she…doesn't have the same kind of responsibilities. Because she's a foreign Shinobi, she's not privy to the same secrets as she would be in Suna, and I think she hates that she's been sort of demoted." She heard him exhale tiredly.
Sakura had never really thought about that aspect before. She had always been a Shinobi of the leaf, and there had never really been any incentive to leave her home. But Temari one of the most talented Shinobi of her generation, she could have had a huge career back in Suna, with her brother being the Kazekage and all that. But she gave it all up to be with Shikamaru.
"That…I honestly wasn't aware that it was that hard for her here. It was pretty brave of her to leave behind her village and family for love." No matter how jealous she was of Temari, she had to give it to her, she didn't do things halfway.
"Yeah, it was one of the many things I liked so much about her." he smiled as he grabbed the plates so they could put their food on it, and she tried hard to ignore the piercing that was going on in her heart. "She's strong, temperamental yes, but she's not afraid to take risks. Most of the time it pays off too, but…" he paused deep in thought.
"But?"
"I think staying here in the village, it not only frustrated her, but it ultimately made her question her abilities and strength as a kunoichi. She's not able to show her true strength here in Konoha, and I'm beginning to think that…it's ultimately not good for her…to stay in a village where she doesn't feel…home.", he finished sadly. He kept silent after that, and she knew he was thinking deeply about what he had just said. She turned around with their food in her hand and regarded him.
Maybe it was the first time for him saying it aloud and he realized how true the words actually were. No matter what it was he thought about, it wasn't something happy. Sakura hated seeing him so defeated, so she bumped her shoulder into his, which seemed to at least jostle him to reality again.
"Let's eat in front of the TV today. There's a movie I've been meaning to watch for some time." Shikamaru grimaced before asking.
"It's not a romantic comedy is it? Ino loves those and I think I've seen enough for a lifetime." She laughed.
"No, it's revenge porn. It's a bit violent but I think you'll like it. It's about this retired S-class Shinobi whose summons was killed by a member of this crime syndicate of missing Shinobi, and then he basically goes on a killing spree to get to him."
"Huh, didn't peg you for the violent kind- ". She looked at him from the side in disbelief, "-never mind, I don't know what I was thinking, you're totally the violent kind." She elbowed him in fake outrage, and he chuckled. Sakura's heart skipped a beat at the comfortable banter, and she tried hard not to jump whenever his knee would touch hers from time to time while watching the movie.
The movie was everything that it promised it would be: violent, bloody, and satisfying. And it seemed to do the trick for Shikamaru, because by the end of it, he had been rooting for the main character just as hard as she was, and they both sighed in satisfaction when it was over.
Sakura almost patted herself on her shoulder when she saw that Shikamaru had once again adopted his usual slouch, the tension from the talk before having disappeared completely by the end of the movie. She took their plates to the kitchen, and did the washing after refusing his help, and told him to use the bathroom in the meantime.
While he was showering, Sakura went outside for a smoke and leaned on the railing while she closed her eyes to the noise around her. After her mini breakdown she had had a hard time relaxing at first, especially after a busy day she so often had at the hospital. She had often felt too on edge, like she had to do something, anything, to alleviate the bustling in her nerves.
She had felt much like she was feeling now, even though she had just come from what was supposed to be a relaxing activity. But as so often in Shikamaru's presence she hadn't been able to relax and had been overly conscious of his movements beside her, of his knee brushing against hers, of the occasional twitch. She knew it was silly, to be so on edge around a friend, but she couldn't really help it.
She supposed she was afraid. That he might suspect something about her feelings and that it would change everything about their relationship. It wasn't like she had a chance with him even if he chose to break up with Temari. People that got out of long-term relationships usually didn't jump into their next relationship. So, no matter how this whole mess turned out to be, Sakura would be on the losing end of the stick.
She heard the glass door behind her open and she looked behind her to see Shikamaru toweling his hair. He was wearing loose black tank-top and grey sweatpants. She had never really seen him with his hair all loose in reality, but it definitely stirred something in her stomach that she didn't want to analyze too much at the moment.
"Bathroom's free." Sakura finished the rest of her cigarette and put it out.
"Alright, do you have everything you need?"
"Yeah, goodnight Sakura.", she shivered as the low timbre of his voice slid over her skin like a soft caress. She hoped it looked like she shivered because of the cold air not because of him.
"Goodnight." She said and moved to pass by him, trying hard to avoid his eyes the whole time. She brushed her teeth and put on some night-cream, and then went to lie in her bed in her pajamas.
As she closed her eyes, she heard the other Shikamaru whisper in her ear.
"Sleep well baby." As she closed her eyes, she wished he was there, putting an arm around her. She nestled herself deeper into her covers.
She had never felt more alone.
