DISCLAIMER: The ideas are mine. The characters and everything that is in the Harry Potter Universe belong to J.K.
"Bellatrix?"
"Aunt Walburga," Bella said, sitting up straight in her bed when she heard her aunt knocking, "please come in."
A silver tray with a teapot and two mugs floated inside before Walburga walked in and closed the door. She took a seat on her niece's bed while the tray landed on Bella's nightstand.
"Is everything alright, Bella?"
The girl's heart started beating rapidly. Did she know?
"Yes," she answered quickly, while her aunt poured them some tea.
"I heard you got your O.W.L.s. I was proud of you when your father told me. Ten O.W.L.s is pretty impressive, Bella."
Bella shrugged.
"I could have done better. I only got three Os."
She sounded sad. In truth, she was very disappointed with herself. If the circumstances had been different, she was sure she would have gotten Outstanding grades across the board, but instead, she got Exceeds Expectations on half her O.W.L.s. She supposed she should consider herself lucky to even get grades that high, all things considered, but still, it didn't seem fair. It wasn't fair that the fumes in the potion's practical exam made her dizzy, that she felt like she had a set of knives ripping her apart during the History of Magic test, or that she felt drained and weak during the entire exam season. She hadn't chosen any of that. She was barely even aware of what was going on at the time. Someone had done that to her. Lestrange had done that to her, in the most violent way imaginable. And nobody knew about it. Nobody could know about it. It wasn't fair.
Walburga studied her niece's face for a moment.
"I know you think your father is disappointed, but—"
"I know he is disappointed," Bella pointed out.
"No, Bella," Walburga said softly, placing a hand on her niece's shoulder. "He is proud of you, he knows ten O.W.L.s aren't easy to achieve. He just… doesn't know how to show that to you."
"That's not true," Bella argued. "Father cares about my grades. It's the only thing he cares about. I know he expected me to get Outstandings in all disciplines."
"It is not the only thing he cares about," Walburga insisted. "Things were different when we were growing up. Your grandfather was very close to your father, and he taught Cygnus that a girl's education should be left to the mother. He does love you, though. He demonstrates his interest in you in his own way, and one of his ways is by paying attention to how well you and your sisters do in school."
Bella must have been looking at her aunt with an expression that suggested that that was stupid because Walburga laughed.
"I know! I know it's not very smart of him, Bella, but he is a man after all! There's only so much us girls can expect from them. He only ever got five O.W.L.s, did you know that? He's nowhere near as clever as us."
Bella smiled a little.
"I don't even know why he cares so much. Andromeda does have a point, doesn't she? It's not like we're going to use these O.W.L.s for anything later."
"Don't say that, sweet girl," Walburga reprimanded her gently, "we don't study magic because of what it can do for us, we study magic because it's part of who we are. Because getting better at magic is the only path to becoming the best possible version of yourself."
Bella looked at her aunt in the eye for a moment. There were many unasked questions in that look.
"I know it's difficult," Walburga continued, seriously, looking her niece in the eye. "When I was your age, I watched many of the other students talk about their plans to become healers and professors, and I resented my parents for not giving me that option. It seemed unfair. But I realize I also had something the other students didn't. I had our family. And family is the most important thing."
"But—" Bella started, but stopped herself.
"Go ahead," her aunt encouraged her.
"I am not even going to be a part of the family anymore! I am going to become a Lestrange!"
"You will always be a Black, Bella. You may not have our name anymore, but you will always have our blood. And you will raise your children to be Black as well, in everything but their name."
That mention of children made Bella shift uncomfortably in her place.
"I know most of the other students are excited about their careers. I know they are talking about how it is their dream to become musicians, or Aurors, or Curse-Breakers. But when you get to my age, you will realize that those "dreams" are nothing but hot air. It is a weakness of the young, and those of lower birth have no family to protect them from giving in to it. Most of these kids will become menial Ministry workers, frustrated healers and frustrated artists. That is what happened to most of the people your father and I went to school with. They realize, too late, that the 'pursuit of their dreams' left them with nothing, whilst we, who put family first, have everything."
Bellatrix took a sip of her tea, listening attentively.
"The reason we have such a strong family, Bella, the reason we have such a powerful legacy, is that we put family first. Family takes sacrifice. We sacrifice our feeble youthful desires and step up to meet what is expected of us. And that makes us that much stronger. Pursuing what one thinks is one's dreams is selfish. It's for mudbloods and blood traitors, half-breeds, mutants and by-products of filth and scum. We are better than they are. We are part of something larger."
Bellatrix bit her lower lip, then she nodded. She understood. Or she thought she understood. She at least pretended to understand, because the last thing she wanted was for her aunt to think less of her.
Aunt Walburga kissed her forehead.
"I am worried about your sister," she changed the subject. "Do you know what Andromeda was doing in that muggle village?"
Bella shook her head, no.
"I tried talking to her, but she won't listen. I don't know where she got that from, you were never that difficult, even at her age. I'm afraid Sirius is going the same way. Do keep an eye on her when you're back at school, Bella, okay?"
"I will," Bella answered. Merlin knew she was trying…
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
It was fortunate that the weather was getting colder because her t-shirts could no longer hide the noticeable bump in her abdomen. As the month of August drew to a close, Bellatrix started wearing baggy jumpers. Every day, she worried someone would notice the strange shape of her body under the fabrics. It wasn't the shape of a body that had simply put on a few pounds. If they could see it, she feared they would know. Her secret was safe, in part because no one in her family would ever expect Bella to be in such a predicament. No one would think to look.
The oversized jumpers had yet another advantage: they covered the waistband of her shorts. Bella had been so skinny before that already her shorts felt tight around her middle, even though her belly wasn't very large yet.
Once, no more than a week before, she had been so uncomfortable that she made up an excuse to leave the dinner table and go to the loo, just so she could pull her shorts down and relieve the pressure on her belly. The elastic band had left deep marks on her lower abdomen, and the girl massaged the sore spots with the tips of her fingers, trying more than succeeding to ease the tension a little bit. After that, she'd resorted to wearing denim shorts that remained unbuttoned and unzipped for comfort.
She was eager to go back to Hogwarts. Bella had bought new uniforms in bigger sizes and they ought to feel more comfortable than her regular old clothes. She was looking forward to concealing her belly under the slimming charms of her new robes. She would feel safer that way. She trusted magic more than she trusted the optical illusion properties of her own oversized clothes.
Besides, once she went back to school she wouldn't have to conceal anything for much longer.
Most of the time, she tried not to think about it. Bellatrix avoided touching her abdomen as much as she could.
By her calculations, she was 18 weeks along. Her fifth month.
Three days before they were due back at school, Bella decided to pack her trunk. Her new robes, the potion ingredients and most of her things were already packed, and now she was checking her new books to see if she had everything she would need for her N.E.W.T. classes. Bella had applied to seven N.E.W.T.s and because those were advanced classes, her booklist had never been bigger.
HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY
Set Books (6th year):
The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 6, by Miranda Goshawk
Quintessence: A Quest, by Dana Foxenberry
Advanced Potion-Making, by Libatius Borage
A Guide to Advanced Transfiguration, by Emeric Switch
Flesh-eating Trees of the World, by Severinus Sankt-Wendel
Confronting the Faceless, by Loreena Winterstorm
Understanding the Stars – A Guide to Constellations, by Thyco Messier
Modern Magical History, by Ken Crowell
Great Wizarding Events of the Twentieth Century, by Olivia Hill
-
She arranged all of those books in a careful pile on top of her brass cauldron in the trunk. Bella had been flipping through the pages of "Flesh-Eating Trees of the World" when Narcissa walked in, jumped on her bed and opened a bag of pepper imps.
An overpowering wave of nausea took over Bellatrix as soon as the scent of the imps hit her nostrils, and she ran off to the loo as fast as she could.
She didn't know why the smell of the pepper imps made her feel sick. It had never happened before. Nevertheless, before she even had the time to ask herself that question, her stomach contracted painfully and the vomit came up, burning her insides like acid. Her knees hit the cold porcelain tiles almost as soon as she entered the bathroom, and she heaved violently in the toilet bowl.
Narcissa held back Bella's hair while her sister was sick. Bellatrix had been in such haste that there had been no time to cast a sound muffling spell, let alone lock the door, and her little sister followed her inside the bathroom almost as soon as she went in. Bellatrix had not heard Cissy entering behind her, but she felt her presence when her sister kneeled next to her and used her free hand to draw circles around Bella's back, over her sweater. Bellatrix knew she was supposed to send Cissy away, that the younger girl should not see this, but she remained quiet for several moments, enjoying the reassuring presence by her side. It made her feel better than she cared to admit to having Cissy with her. To not be alone.
It took every ounce of strength she could muster to tell Cissy to go away.
"Are you feeling better?"
Bellatrix simply nodded, not meeting Cissy's eyes.
"Could you –" she hesitated, straightening herself up, "could you take the pepper imps away from my room while I brush my teeth?"
Cissy nodded, leaving her sister alone to brush her teeth and wash her face before joining her again.
When Bellatrix got back to her room her little sister was waiting for her on her bed, pulling her knees close to her chest.
"I want to be alone, Cissy."
"Bella, what happened?"
"I must have eaten something that I shouldn't have, that's all."
"That's not it, Bella! You are barely eating anything at all, don't you think I've noticed?"
"I don't know what you mean, Cissy."
"I know something is happening, to you. That day in the lake you ran away out of the blue and you never went back. You spend all of your time alone in your room. This isn't even the first time you've been sick in the past few days. I've heard you getting sick before. I know something is going on!"
"It's nothing, Cissy."
"Why won't you trust me?"
"I do trust you."
"Then talk to me."
"I can't! There's—There's nothing to tell, Cissy. You're too young for this, okay?"
"I am only three years younger than you."
"I know," Bella replied, but she wasn't able to hide the condescending tone in her voice. "I told you, it's nothing!"
"Stop it, Bella! I'm thirteen years old, I'm not stupid."
"I don't think you're stupid," Bella said slowly.
"You have to stop treating me like I'm a baby! You do that, all of you. You and Andy, and Mother and Father. I am not a little girl anymore."
But you are a little girl… Bellatrix thought to herself, and a heavy silence followed before she could think of a way to phrase what she wanted to say.
"You haven't even started your third year, Cissy."
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"Everything. Look—" Bella paused for a moment, "I don't want to lie to you. There is something going on, but it's grown-up stuff. It's stuff I can't talk about with you."
"Who else have you got?" Cissy asked, looking at her sister straight in the eye.
Bellatrix didn't have an answer to that. It was like listening to the vocalization of the thought that had haunted her for the past 18 weeks. She didn't have anybody. She didn't have anyone to turn to.
"Let me help you," Cissy said in a thin voice, cutting through the silence.
"Okay," Bellatrix said, standing up and walking to the door, "Okay," she repeated, locking the door and going back to sit on her bed, facing her youngest sister. "I am going to tell you, but you have to promise, promise me you are not going to tell Mother, or Father, or Aunt Walburga, or anyone else. Nobody. Okay?"
"I promise," Cissy said solemnly.
"Do you remember what happened on Easter? The things I told you on the train?"
"Of course? Did Lestrange—"
"No, listen, did you understand what happened?"
Cissy thought for a moment, and when she spoke her voice was much lower.
"I know he raped you, Bella."
It was Bella's time to pause for a moment. She had not expected that. When she told her sister about what had happened, Bellatrix had been intentionally vague. She wanted to spare Cissy the horrors of what she went through. Cissy was too young to know. Bella had never even used that word out loud before. Rape. What did that make of her?
"I still think we should get back at him," Cissy continued, "somehow."
"No," Bella said urgently, "I don't want you anywhere near that family, Cissy. Especially that – especially him, okay?"
If Bella had been unable to protect herself, imagine her baby sister.
"Okay," Cissy agreed, unwillingly
They paused for a moment.
"Well, anyway… He did that on Easter, and later I found out that it was not all… I discovered that when that happened I got.. I was…"
Cissy waited, but Bella didn't say anything. Then she whispered the word in such a low voice Cissy had to read her lips to understand what she was saying.
Pregnant.
Cissy covered her mouth with her hands. Bella lowered her eyes. Cissy's eyes went from her sister's face to her stomach to the floor and it was a few moments before either of them could say something.
"Are you sure?" Cissy finally broke the silence.
Bella nodded.
"I used a potion. Something I found in a book. And I can—feel- my body is—different…"
Cissy's eyes travelled down to her sister's abdomen.
"So this is why you started wearing jumpers all the time," Cissy said. "I can't even see it."
Bella considered lifting her shirt but she didn't think she could do it. Instead, she held her sister's hand and guided it to the curve of her abdomen. She pressed Cissy's hand down until she could feel it. That hardball inside her, just below her navel.
"Oh, Bella," Cissy held her sister's hand and gave it a little squeeze.
"I know…"
"That day at the pool,-"
"I was afraid everyone would see it through the wet clothes, and someone would figure it out."
Cissy nodded, it made sense now, and she felt a little stupid for not realizing it at the time. She was a girl, after all, she should have seen it.
"I don't think anybody noticed, it," Cissy added after a while, trying to put her sister's mind at ease.
It was a few moments before Cissy spoke again:
"Does it hurt?"
Bella shook her head.
"Not anymore. I got sick all the time in the beginning, around the exams, but that stopped a couple of weeks ago. And something really weird happened during my History of Magic O.W.L…"
"During the exam? So that's why you got an E in History of Magic! I was sure you were going to get an O in that one! You're the only student whose name Professor Bins actually remembers!"
"I should have gotten O's in a lot of other disciplines," Bella said bitterly.
Narcissa squeezed her hand again.
"What happened?"
"It started with pain. Cramps around here, you know, kind of like when we get our—" she started, placing a hand in her lower abdomen, but then she realized that her sister was blushing slightly because she didn't actually know what that was like yet.
"Huhum," Cissy encouraged her to go on.
"Anyway, I thought that's what it was, you know? My… time-of-the-month," Bellatrix lowered her voice to almost a whisper, "but then it started to get worse, more painful than anything I've ever experienced before. I could barely finish my test and for the last few minutes, all I could do was sit there and wait for the exam to be over."
"Did you go to Madam Pomfrey?"
"No. I hid away in the bathroom on the second floor."
"The one no one ever goes to?"
"Yes. That's when I realized that I had actually been missing my… you know… for a while. You know about that right?"
Cissy nodded.
"It hurt so bad I thought I was losing it. But I didn't," Bella concluded.
"Did you bleed?" Cissy asked.
"Only a little."
"Hmm, you would have bled a lot if you had had a miscarriage," the younger girl said, thoughtfully.
"How do you know that?"
"That's what happened to Charlotte last year."
"Charlotte Parkinson? The girl in your dorm?"
"Hmm," Cissy nodded, "she didn't even know what was happening, at first, but she lost a lot of blood. We all helped her hide in our dormitory for a couple of days until she recovered."
"What?"
"It happened in February, I think. One day she started getting bad cramps in her tummy, but we all thought it was just a girl thing… She had already started… you know… Then, after a week or so, she got really ill in the middle of our Charms class. Trish caused a diversion, she used a levitation charm on one of the books Professor Flitwick was standing over and he fell off. Several boys rushed to help the professor and when everyone else was distracted I helped Char get back to our dorm. It was lucky too because I don't think she could have walked out on her own… There was a lot of blood on her skirt. It was scary. There was some on her chair also. Liv told us she cleaned it up so the boys wouldn't notice. Then the girls met us in our dorm and we took turns looking after her for a couple of days until she felt better."
"Didn't you go to Madam Pomfrey?"
"She didn't want to. She told us she met an older boy over at Christmas break, but her mother didn't know about him. I think he was seventeen or something. They did… stuff… You know… but she wanted it,… sort of, I think. It wasn't against her will. But I don't think she liked it very much. And I know she didn't realize that something like that could happen. I mean, I didn't even know something like this could happen if a girl was not married yet, you know?"
"Yeah, I used to think so too,…" Bella said, feeling a little numb
"Anyway, Liv figured it all out and explained it to us… She had talked to her big sis about that kind of stuff, and we got a few books in the library… but there wasn't much."
"Cissy, why didn't you tell me?" Bella asked.
"I don't know… We all promised to keep it a secret but I know you wouldn't tell anyone. I guess I was just embarrassed. I hadn't even got my you-know-what yet… We have never talked about these things. We just… We don't do that."
Bella was thunderstruck. She thought of herself and of how scared and lonely she had been that day in the second floor's bathroom. Then she thought of her sister. Not in million years would she have guessed Cissy was confronted with something like this on her second year of school. On the one hand, she was proud of how mature her sister was, but on the other hand, she was worried. Cissy shouldn't have learned any of that from the older sister of another girl in her year. She shouldn't have had to keep that a secret. It dawned on her that the same thing that had happened to her might happen to Cissy. That she was just as vulnerable.
Bella thought about all of the things she didn't know. She thought about what her ignorance had cost her. She never wanted that to happen to her sister.
"I'll tell you what," Bella said, taking a deep breath, "from now on, no more secrets between us, okay? Whenever you want to talk about something or ask me any questions, you do that, right? Even if it is about embarrassing stuff… in fact, especially if has to do with embarrassing stuff."
"Okay," Cissy replied, with a smile.
"And whatever we don't know I guess we can figure out together."
Cissy nodded…
Bella looked down again, her thoughts back to the problem at hand.
"What is it? Do you feel okay?"
"Yes… I mean, physically I'm fine. But, I can't stop thinking about it. In a way, these thoughts and feelings are much worse than anything physical right now. "
"But you did get sick today," Cissy added.
"It was that bag of black pepper imps you opened. The smell of it made my stomach all weird."
"Oh my God, Bella, I'm sorry,"
"It's okay, Cissy," Bella said, reaching out to hold her sister's hand, "you didn't know."
"Yeah, but still… I should be making you feel better, not sicker," she said.
"You are making me better, sis," Bella said with a smile. It was true. She felt a weight lifted from her shoulders since she started telling her sister everything. "Do you think Mum or Dad noticed it? That I've been getting sick?"
"No," Cissy said, "Andy may have noticed it. Are you going to tell her?"
"I don't know…"
"I wish the two of you would stop arguing."
Bellatrix sighed.
"Me too, Cissy… Me too."
Author's Note: This story has been Beta-Read by davros fan and TheOnlyCeeCeeJ.Any remaining mistakes are my responsibility.
I would like to thank M. once again for the awesome feedback on chapter 6. I'm glad the timing of the last chapter worked out nicely for you.
Bella will be back in school next chapter, and it should be up in the next ten days or so.
Thank you to everybody who's reached this point in the story, please review, I would very much appreciate some feedback.
Live Long and Prosper.
