It is September 23, 2019. We arrive at Royal Woods Elementary school and see Lincoln and his group of friends talking about the threat level of the anomalies increasing from orange to red.
"These Anomalous Bursts are getting way more dangerous!"
"You're telling me. I think I saw Lex Luthor running for president!"
"Dude, that was a comic book."
"Well, he'd still be a better president than Donald Trump!"
"Lex is a supervillain who lies, cheats and deceives anyone to get what he wants."
"So does every politician."
"Touché. But if Lex was president, we'd have the GOC in real life!"
"GOC?"
"The United Nations Global Occult Coalition is a group of interest that preserves the safety of humanity through the destruction of anomalous objects and/or entities."
"That sounds like a good thing."
"Yeah, if they didn't try to destroy every single anomaly that they encounter, despite not knowing what it does. In one instance, they destroyed a human transport ship from another universe because they thought it was a hostile. They have a "kill first, ask questions later" sort of policy."
"Well, I finally figured out what my anomaly is."
"Really, what is it, Stella?"
"I can do anything!"
"Oh, you have powers of encouragement. You're right; I can do anything."
"No, really. I can do anything, no matter how impossible."
"Oh really? Then take away Clyde's anomaly."
"I can't remove what doesn't exist. Clyde was barricaded in his house by his dads and never got an anomalous power."
"He still is. He hasn't gone outside in months, except to go to school."
"Ok. This is impossible. Terminate SCP-682-EN!"
"Do you really want SCP-682-EN in any universe? I could kill him, but it will be like Chuck Norris vs Segata Sanshiro; The universe wouldn't even exist anymore by that point."
"Fair enough. How about making me the main character of The Loud House?" Rusty dares
"Done. The Loud House has been cancelled due to a sharp decline in ratings and massive fan backlash."
"Aw man!"
"Wait. If The Loud House is cancelled, doesn't that mean all universes are -X'ed?"
"No, because The Loud House still has a fan community, despite the writers making Rusty the main character. If even one fan exists, then all universes still exist, even ones destroyed in other universes!"
"Well, something strange happened to me last week. A man in SWAT gear told me that I'm way in over my head by associating with Site-1216."
"Site-1216? We don't have any Foundation sites in our universe. The Foundation itself doesn't even exist in our universe!"
"I think he means your house, Lincoln. Anyways, he said that if a real threat like 096-EN ever came through the dimensional gateways. We'd all be fucked! I don't know what he was talking about, but he did say he was Agent Omega of Τ5."
"Sounds crazy, but he's right. If SCP-096-EN did breach containment, we would be doomed, since it kills anyone that sees its face and some idiot would record its face and send it on the Internet or to a major news network like CNN. I heard it was seen in the Chappaqua Woods!"
"Wait, isn't that just Hillary Rodham Clinton? It feels like she sucks out my soul if I look at her."
"Saying SCP-096-EN looks like Hillary is an insult to SCP-096-EN! He may be an 8-foot tall emaciated gangly dude with freakishly long arms, but he still looks better than Hillary! Although people are still trying to find Hillary in the woods."
"Unfortunately for everyone, she came out of the woods and is running for president in 2020."
Everyone cringes at the thought of Hillary running again, even Lincoln's friends who lean Democrat agree that a Hillary presidency would lead to WW3, since she is one of the most corrupt people ever to exist on this planet.
The students break up and go on their separate ways. Girl Jordan decides to hang out with her bestie, Mollie.
"Hey, Mollie!"
"Oh, hey Jordan."
"So, how was your weekend."
"Uh, kind of disappointing actually."
"Really? Why?"
"You remember that Area 51 raid and how it happened last Friday?"
"The "You Can't Stop All of Us" one?"
"Yeah. I know it's a joke and that 3 million people would definitely not go to Area 51. But when the creator of the meme changed it to Alienstock, I thought there would be at least 500,000 freaks of nature to match the 500,000 hippies at Woodstock. Does that make sense?"
"I think…?"
"Only 150 people showed up and had a party at the gate. 5 people tried to breach and got arrested, but no one got shot for, you know, breaking into a military base. It was really underwhelming and I thought some idiots would get shot trying to Naruto run past security. Even the small towns of Nevada were disappointed. They thought a literal army would come through and deliver a plague unto their houses. Only 150 people…lame."
"It was good that none of them were hurt."
"Seriously? These guys bring the collective IQ of humanity down a few points! I thought natural selection would take effect and the idiots that got shot trespassing would at the very least win a Darwin Award for their sheer stupidity."
Girl Jordan doesn't even know how to respond to that…she just walks away. As soon as she was out of sight, she walkie talkies someone.
"Psilocybin, is the synthetic DAM-230 ready?"
"Sure is, Molly. By the way did you see the raid last Friday?"
"Ugh. It was so lame! No one got shot!"
"I know right? No one won a Darwin Award!"
"So underwhelming. Anyway, did Papa Smoke give the go ahead to enact Operation Westermarck?"
"He's getting the compound ready. We're going to degenerate these Louds and show the Fanbase what they really want!"
"Can you believe that Fentanyl just attacked a random person?!"
"Dude needs a girlfriend."
"I'm sure he found one in prison."
"I heard Jared needs someone to stick his 11-inch footlong into."
"Serves him right for disobeying orders and trying to kill someone who isn't even a target. It disgusted even Cannabis himself!"
"By the way, did you do anything with that video?"
"Oh yeah, I used it to extort some stuff out of Larry. When he refused, I uploaded it to the Internet to nuke his sister's reputation."
"You better hope she doesn't find you…"
"Nah, she won't. See you for the big plan tonight."
"Sure. Let's get crazy."
The call disconnects…
It is now nighttime and Operation Westermarck is near completion. Lori had a vision of these GAW posers trying to pheromone bomb them and record the debauchery and post it online to the degenerates out there. She found out about the video, but after Lincoln told her about the blackmail, she vows to find and destroy the punk that recorded it. It didn't stop the popular cliques from teasing her, though.
"Guys, there's going to be an attack here. Some gamers against weed are going to pheromone bomb us with a compound similar to 230-EN's compound [EXPUNGED]!"
"That sounds like a biohazard issue. I'll notify O5-2."
"And I'll get Β7 on the case. They deal with hazards like this all the time."
"I wonder which member authorized this?"
"The Foundation doesn't have much information on this group. It is known that they are a group of memelords that troll everyone they come across."
"So, they're 4chan?"
"They wish they could be 4chan."
"I think one of their members was a lesbian Gengar or something like that? Its been a while since I've heard about them. Their username is formatted like this: lesbian_gengar."
"Should you feel yourself attacked by a sudden chill, it is evidence of an approaching Gengar. There is no escaping it. Give up. Even your home isn't safe. Gengar will lurk in whatever dark corner of a room it can find and wait for its chance to catch its prey."
"They visit the dark web, so what?"
"I heard that their real name is Esther Kogan, but considering Gamers Against Weed thrives off of trolling, this might be an alias."
"We're wasting time! Lori, where is the compound?"
"Inside SCP-230-EN, don't you remember when Carol had that music duel with Alex Beckham?"
"Not that compound, Lori! I mean where is their base? Haz Matters could clean them up in an instance before they get to use their plans!"
Lori gives a description of the building.
"Hmm…they're going to have to canvass the area, but ok."
"Just notified Sophia of the situation. She says its kind of disturbing that some splinter cell of Gamers Against Weed formed in this dimension. She has authorized use of Β7."
"Great."
From SCP-PRM-001, a portal forms in front of the MTF.
"Mobile Task Force Β7, we've gotten word that those memelords from Gamers Against Weed have gotten some compound [EXPUNGED] and is planning to pheromone bomb Site-1216 for their and the Internet's amusement. Your mission is to recover and destroy all traces of the compound, as well as arrest and/or kill any members of the group!"
The MTF immediately enter the portal and arrive near the compound. They immediately find, isolate and raid it. Since most of them didn't expect to get raided, 90% of the members immediately surrender. They manage to seize the laboratory room where the synthetic DAM-230 was being produced. They find Cannabis in the back. He takes out the most ghetto looking Tec-9 they've ever seen.
"Everyone is going to remember me, Papa Smoke!"
Naturally, the MTFs turned him into swiss cheese.
"O5-2, come in."
"Go for O5-2."
"The compound has been razed. All of the members have been arrested and the leader was killed. All instances of compound [EXPUNGED] have been seized and will be transported to the biohazard destruction room."
"Excellent. Though I am surprised Gamers Against Weed manage to infect that dimension."
"It wasn't really Gamers Against Weed. Just a bunch of posers. Their leader was black, kind of looked like Melvin Harris from GTA, and used the name "Papa Smoke", but Jude Kriyot is white, so its obvious that this guy was a patsy."
"Ok, return to base with the compound. We don't want anymore of that stuff independent from SCP-230-EN. Leave the people that surrendered to be dealt with by local authorities. If anyone sees you, amnesticize them."
"Understood, O5-2."
They return back to Site-1216 and use one of Leni's portals to get back to their dimension with the compound. The synthetic DAM-230 was destroyed. The Fanbase was annihilated by the compound raid and only a few lone wolf members remain. Most of the members were arrested by local police and sentenced accordingly.
