Over the next few weeks proved to be a challenge in their household. Derek wasn't even allowed to mention the pregnancy without a fight pursuing. He could tell that Meredith was clearly detached from this pregnancy, just doing what she had to try and keep this baby alive even though she didn't count on it working.

She was coming on 11 weeks and although that should have provided her some sort of comfort, it didn't. She was currently standing in front of the mirror examining the bulge that was forming between her hip bones. sighing softly. She didn't hate her child, she could never but she was terrified to get attached once again.

She slid her shirt on and squeezed herself into a pair of jeans before she grabbed her keys. Derek had already been called in hours ago so she was showing up alone, well sort of if you didn't count the fetus growing inside of her that nobody knew about. Not even Cristina, her person who she normally told everything too.

"Hey, coffee?" Christina offered as she saw Meredith getting off the elevator.

"Oh no, I'm fine. I had some before I came" she lied. She knew she shouldn't be drinking coffee. She was lost in her own thoughts when she suddenly felt her arm being pulled.

"Hey, what are you doing Christina? We have patients!" Meredith whispered a hint of anger in her voice as she saw they were in an on-call room.

"Meredith, be straight with me. I know your little secret."

"I don't know what your talking about" Meredith whispered trying to play dumb.

"Oh, cut the crap, Meredith! You don't drink coffee, you sneak off to the bathroom randomly, you eat like your never going to eat again. Your pregnant again arent you?"

She knew she couldn't lie, "yeah I am. 11 weeks."

"I figured you're already starting to show." Christina smiled.

"Am I really that noticeable already?" Meredith gasped

"Yes and the fact you haven't been hiding your morning sickness to well."

"Cristina don't tell anyone please, I'm begging you, not even Owen"

"Alright but soon everyone is going to know, you are starting to show." Gently Cristina placed her hand onto Meredith's abdomen, she knew there wasn't a chance she would feel the baby kick since it was way too early for that. "I would have been 11 weeks too" she sighed softly.

Meredith nodded. Cristina had been one of the girls that had gotten pregnant that night but she had always said she didn't want kids and the first chance she got and without Owens input, she terminated the pregnancy.

She and Cristina left the room, getting ready for the day by starting to round on patients. Lunchtime rolled around, and she met Derek in an on-call room with her tray. It was what they did these days to escape the chaos.

"Cristina knows" Meredith blurted out.

"She does, you told her?"

"No, actually apparently I haven't been hiding puking my guts out too good and I'm starting to show."

"It's a good thing your starting to show" Derek whispered treading lightly.

"I guess...I don't know Derek. I want to be happy about this, I really do. I'm not trying to be a bitch about it but... it's hard when you wake up each day constantly wondering if today is going to be the day I lose this child. I mean we aren't even at 12 weeks yet and even then things can still go wrong."

Derek sighed, he understood because every day he had those same fears. "I know Meredith, I have that fear too. we just have to go with the flow and have faith God will make this workout."

She looked up at him, tears brimming her eyes. "I don't want to lose this baby Derek, I can't handle that again."

"I know, I can't either. Were in this together Meredith I've told you that from the start."

She was going to respond, but a sudden wave of nausea washed over her making her clamp her hand over her mouth as she pushed her tray aside. Derek sat his down and followed her to the nearest bathroom, he didn't care if it was the ladies room. He was going to help her. He stood there rubbing her back as she deposited her lunch into the toilet and just when she thought she was done, another round persued.

"I will say this" Meredith groaned as she leaned back plopping herself onto the floor. "I will be glad when this stage is over, I swear this kid doesn't let me eat anything."

After lunch, Meredith had the opportunity to scrub in on a Nissan fundoplication never have done one since med school. The surgery had gone off with a hitch and she found herself with nothing to do. She didn't know where she was heading as she wandered aimlessly down the hallway stopping outside a pair of double doors.

She didn't know what was pulling her to be here, she didn't need to be. But none the less she found herself standing at the nursery glass window staring in at the babies that just had been born hoping that in a few short months her child would be in there.

Softly she sighed, placing her hand onto her stomach for the first time during this pregnancy. "I promise I don't hate you" she started out. "You have no idea what mommy and daddy have been through. I'm trying peanut, I'm trying so hard." She drew in a shaky breath. "Ive been trying not to be attached to you, in case I lose you too but ill try better, I promise. just hold on for me alright? Hold on for your daddy and I." Meredith was once again silent as she stared into the nursery. She felt a vibration come from her pocket, slowly she reached in to retrieve it.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Hey my shift is done, are you done?" Derek asked. She looked at the time on her phone, she had been down here longer than she thought.

"Yeah, meet you in the lobby" she responded before she hung up. She sighed and took one last glance into the nursery before starting her walk down to the lobby.

"Hey," she greeted, smiling as she saw Derek. She wrapped her arm around his waist as he leaned down and kissed her.

"Let's go home" he whispered.