Hello dear readers and first off let me say sorry for long the long wait. I usually don't go longer than a few weeks between chapters but life just gets in the way you know? Anywho, I'll try to make the wait between chapters less this time.
Now last time, Lori took the first steps in repairing the bonds with her family and she managed to somewhat patch things up with Luna. Will the next sister work out so well? you'll just have to read on and find out. Hope you enjoy.
Inner Turmoil
Lincoln Loud sat in the chair at his desk, staring blankly at the math homework before him. Math was the subject he hated the most, and he always put it off till it was almost time for bed. But this time he needed to put his focus somewhere, because being left alone with his mind was doing him no favors.
As he tapped the tip of his pencil against the paper, Lincoln grew more and more frustrated. "I miss when it was just numbers I had to work with..." Lincoln lamented as he looked at the complex equation before him.
Sighing in annoyance, Lincoln set his pencil down, dragging his hands up and down his face a couple times before pulling out his phone. Still nothing.
The teen was surprised he hadn't received any messages or calls from Lori yet, but considering how their first meet up went he wasn't that surprised. He hated that he acted like that, he knew all she wanted was a simple hug but his mind quickly took him back to that night. Lincoln quickly shut his eyes as those thoughts came rushing back. "Breathe, just breathe...". He said to himself as he began to take deep breaths.
"Why do I still feel like this? It's been six damn years and hardly anything's changed!" He thought to himself as he held the sides of his head. "Hell, the only actual progress to come from all that therapy bullshit was that I could act normal around my sisters again. And I guess the frequency of my attacks have lessened but still..."
A knock on his door pulled Lincoln from his thoughts. The teen took another deep breath before putting on his smile. "Come in". He called out.
As the door opened, his younger sister Lucy stepped in. "Hello elder brother, how are you doing?" She asked as she closed the door behind her. "Other than frustrated at my math homework...I'm doing just dandy. How you doing Luce?".
"I'm doing adequate. I haven't had the chance to talk to you yet about yesterday. I heard what happened". Lincoln's expression quickly changed, frowning as his sister brought up his little freak out. "Yeah I'm sure everyone's heard about it by now. Look Luce, I know you girls are worried but I'm fine. Really". Lincoln assured her. Not noticing any change in her expression, per usual, The Loud teen couldn't tell if she really believed him or not.
Lucy felt like she should push her brother, it felt like over a year since the last time he ever really talked to them about his issues. "Lincoln...I know you think you're being strong by keeping everything to yourself and trying to deal with it on your own but- well we know it's not working that well". Lucy confessed, hoping to get him to open up at least a little bit. "You think we don't notice but we do. You aren't really dealing with your problems and its been affecting you. None of us are going to force you to talk but...well it'd be nice to have you genuinely smile once in a while. There's only room for one goth here and I had the spot first". She said as she ended with a little humor to lighten the mood.
Lincoln just stared at her as he tried to think of what to say to all that. He knew he had been distant the past couple years but he didn't think it was affecting his sisters this much. "That's all brother, just please...think about what I said. I love you". Lucy said as she turned and left the room, gently closing the door behind her.
Sighing in frustration, Lincoln swung his chair back around to his desk, resting his elbows on it while hanging his head in his hands. "Great. So I guess my stupid mask hasn't been as effective as I thought. I hate that I've made them worry". The teen thought as he blankly stared at the papers of homework in front of him. Lightly growling in anger, Lincoln tossed the papers onto the floor and threw his calculator against the wall. The back of it popping off from the impact.
"And even more great. I'm losing control again". Lincoln thought as he tried to steady his breathing and calm himself down. He didn't want to revert to old anger issues.
Deciding that a break from his homework might help him calm down, Lincoln picked his papers off the floor and set them neatly back on his desk, grabbing his phone and laying down on his bed. Just as he did so, the teen received a message, from Lori.
Lori: Um, hey Lincoln. How you doing?
Lincoln must have stared at the simple message for three minutes straight before shaking his head and offering up his reply.
Lincoln: Hi Lori. Uh, other than math homework kicking my ass I'm doing alright. How about you?
Lori: Heh, I actually went to see Luna, ran into Sam while I was there too.
"She went to see Luna? Huh maybe she's trying to take easier steps before making the big ones". Lincoln thought to himself. Other than Leni, and Lily for obvious reasons, Luna was the only other sister willing to talk to Lori after what happened. The girls never really entertained the possibility of forgiveness over what she did but those three still wanted things to get close to how they used to be.
Lincoln: And how did that go? Did she forgive you or anything like that?
A few minutes of nothing past by before Lori replied with an answer.
Lori: Well not really. But I didn't expect her to, nor do I expect it from anyone. I'm not really looking for forgiveness after what I did Lincoln...I just...I just want to be part of your lives again. To have my family back and regain, idk some sense of normalcy after everything. Which Luna understood and was wanting the same. So for now we're on speaking terms at least.
Lincoln smiled at her reply. He was genuinely glad that things went as well as they did. Especially after how her first reunion went. The Loud teen just hoped that the rest of their sisters were as easy to be on civil terms with.
Lincoln: Well I'm glad to hear that Lori, really. Soooo...when do you think you might drop by here again?
Lori: I'm not sure Lincoln. I want that to be up to you. I'm going to be busy tomorrow, and I know you have school and everything. So how about we meet up this weekend? Or if you want to meet after school that's fine too, you decide.
Lincoln: This saturday is fine Lori, we can grab lunch or something.
Lori: Ok, sounds good little bro. It's a date.
Lori: Wait, not a date, uh you know what I mean.
Lori: Sorry. Poor choice of words.
Lincoln just rolled his eyes as he lightly shook his head, chuckling a little to himself.
Lincoln: Lol it's fine Lori. I know what you meant. See you then.
Across town Lori closed her phone and stuck the device back in her pocket. A victorious smile on her face from her successful outing. She was glad the first part of her plan went well. And if both parties are at her stop tomorrow then she can cross off two more names on her list. Once she's on speaking terms with everyone, they can all move forward from there, she's just gotta make these first steps count.
Lori walked into the apartment she used to own with Bobby, hoping to unwind and follow up on some more news and events from when she was incarcerated.
As she walked through the front door, she noticed Ronnie-Anne sitting at the Island in front of the kitchen. The sister of her former lover shot Lori an angry glare before grabbing the plate with her sandwich on it and heading for her room. "Ronnie wait, please". Ronnie actually listened and stopped halfway from the hall, something Lori didn't expect. "What?" Ronnie venomously asked.
Lori shrank back as she looked at her. "Um look I know you don't like me being here, hell I know you don't like me in general. But can you act nice, or at least civil around me while Bobby is around? Not for me but for him? I know he doesn't like to see that". Lori said.
Ronnie-Anne looked towards the ceiling, huffing in annoyance before turning her gaze back to Lori. "If and when Bobby is around...yeah sure. But whenever he isn't, don't expect anything else other than a cold indifference to you being in the same room as me". Ronnie answered back before going back to her room with her snack.
Lori flinched slightly as Ronnie shut her door with an unnecessarily loud bang. "Well you can't really win em all I guess". Lori thought to herself as she grabbed the remote for the television and turned on the news. It was still a few hours before dinner and a couple before Bobby would even be back from work, the eldest Loud didn't know what to really do with herself till then.
She was glad that her meeting with Luna went as well as it did, and that Lincoln was still...fine. But Lori knew that fine didn't always mean good, and she wondered how her brother was really doing at this moment. From what Luna told her, he had been hiding his real feelings from all of them, probably so they wouldn't worry as much anymore.
But in doing so, Lincoln had put a distance between him and those who are closest to him. According to Luna, their brother hadn't really hung out with any friends outside of Ronnie-Anne and Clyde since everything happened. Lori hugged her legs close to her chest as she thought about just how much damage her ten or so minutes of fun had cost her brother.
Lori hated that she lost sight of who she really was, that she wanted to just take the fun and easy road instead of the one that wouldn't have screwed things up so much. Maybe it was best if she just gave up on her plan, maybe she deserves to be alone forever for what she did.
"That's right. No one really wants you anymore. Just go away and make everything easier for them".
Lori held the sides of her head as the negative voice inside kept feeding her worst trains of thought.
"All they'll ever see when they look at you is the biggest mistake of the Loud family. The black sheep that should've just stayed gone".
"No. T-they don't see me like that. I-I'm still Lori Loud, big sister and loved daughter, I just..."
"Stumbled? Was led astray? Please, this was who you always were. It was just a matter of time...Like it is now. How long before you hurt them again?"
"I won't! I haven't had a single thought about Lincoln like that in a year. I'm better and nothing bad is ever gonna happen again".
"Yeah keep telling yourself that..."
Lori turned the television to another station and pulled out her phone to look over the address of her destination tomorrow one more time. "Maybe it would be better if just one of them is there. Don't want them ganging up on me or one influencing the other". Lori thought to herself.
An hour later and Bobby walked in from his job, now an assistant manager at Gus' game n grub. Tossing his hat on the counter, Bobby smelled an aroma he hasn't smelt in a while. He looked over to the kitchen to see Lori cooking dinner.
"Hey Bobby, I figured that since you were being so nice in letting me stay here that I should at least pull my own weight a bit. I'm making some dinner and it should be ready in the next twenty minutes". Lori said as she greeted him. "Lori, you didn't have to do that." Bobby replied. "Yeah I know but I wanted to". Lori said.
Bobby smiled as he set his bag down and walked over to see if Lori needed any help. "No, I got this. You just go relax and I'll let you know when it's done".
"You seem to be in a good mood. I'm guessing things with Luna went good?" He asked. "Yeah, she's willing to give me the chance to make things right and is okay with talking to me on a regular basis again".
"Told you things would work out Lori". Bobby smiled as he went to sit down on the couch. "You ready for tomorrow?" He asked her. "Yes, I think it will go alright. And if not...well I believe they'll work out". Lori answered.
The Next Day
Lori walked up to the front door of the apartment number her mom told her about. And from what her mother said, her sister had the day off so she should be home. Lori hesitated and took a deep breath, readying herself for another chat.
Knocking on the door, Lori patiently waited for a reply.
After a couple minutes there was nothing so Lori knocked again. "Be right there". She heard from the other side of the door. A few seconds later and a young blonde woman opened the door. Smiling at her Lori awkwardly waved at her.
"Hey Leni! It's uh… been awhile. You look great".
Ahhh, cliffhangers amiright? Hope you all enjoyed the chapter and I'll do my best to get the next one out to you all within the next few weeks. Until next time, see you guys and gals later. Have a good one.
