Hello dear readers! And welcome to another chapter in Repairing a Bond. I'm all moved in at my new place now so my writing schedule is back to normal. Hope you've all been well and I hope you all enjoy the new chapter.
warning: chapter contains mild language and sexual situations
Let This Go
The final bell had just rung at Royal Woods High school and Lincoln Loud couldn't be more relieved. His stomach had been in knots since he arrived and that barely changed throughout the day.
That was mainly thanks to his meeting with Lori and Bobby the next day, something he knew he needed to have but surely didn't want. Too many thoughts and feelings ran through his mind concerning his sister and Lincoln didn't even know where to begin to unravel them.
His face pointed towards the ground, as it usually was now, Lincoln walked out towards his car in the school parking lot. But halfway there, he was stopped by his friend Clyde standing in his way, Surprising the white-haired teen and forcing his gaze upward. "Hey buddy. I was wondering if you had the time to talk?" Clyde asked as Lincoln readjusted the strap on his backpack on his shoulder.
"Uh, n-not right now Clyde. I...I got some stuff to take care of later. A-and I gotta go pick up some of my younger sisters now". Lincoln answered back, hoping his friend would just let him walk away. "Well you got room for one more? I was...just really thinking we should talk is all". Clyde replied.
Lincoln was beginning to feel a little agitated, not really up for any "talks" with anyone. He just wanted to pick up his sisters and collapse on his bed for the rest of the day.
"I-I'd like to Clyde, really. But I only have so much room in my car and I need to pick up four sisters, so there won't be anywhere for you to sit once I get them all". Lincoln stated, hoping that would satisfy as a good enough answer. "Well you're getting Lana, Lola and Lucy from the middle school first right? I can just ride with you till you need to get Lily from the elementary school". Clyde happily suggested, not letting his friend get out of this so easy.
"I-Uh...sure. Yeah that'd be fine". Lincoln relented, knowing his friend wasn't going to give in and he didn't want to be an ass and tell him to go away.
Clyde followed his buddy to the car, only having ridden in it a few times since Lincoln had gotten it. It wasn't anything too special, just an average looking four door car that could get Lincoln from A to B, but that was enough for him. One thing that did make it special for him though was the deep shade of Orange that it was painted. His mom and dad found it at a used car dealership and bought it for him for his sixteenth birthday.
Ever since Lori went to jail, Lincoln had been receiving special attention from his parents that he wasn't used to. It's not like he was ever ignored by them either, but he was certainly on the shorter end of the straw when it came to his parent's time. But like with everything else, that night changed that for the Loud parents, and Lincoln still had mixed feelings that it took his assault to change things.
Lincoln opened the driver side door, it creaked slightly as he pulled it open, the vehicle showing its age. Clyde went to open the passenger side but found that it wasn't unlocked, and had the doubt that his friend was just going to leave. "Sorry..." Lincoln called out as he sat down in the car. "...The key doesn't unlock all the doors when I hit the button. I gotta hit one of the ones in here". Lincoln commented. After clicking the button on his door, the passenger side unlocked and Clyde got in, setting his backpack on the floor.
Shifting the car out of park, Lincoln started driving out of the school, glad to be heading home soon. He just had to survive this car ride first.
It was only a couple minutes before Clyde started their little chat. "So...I know you don't wanna talk about what I want to discuss...But if nothing else then just listen". Clyde began. Lincoln didn't take his eyes off the road, his dead-on stare on the vehicles and pavement in front of them. Taking the silence as his cue to continue, Clyde went on.
"I know you aren't in the best of places right now, and I know that tomorrow you might be in an even worst spot...but I just wanted to say that you can come to me with anything, you're my friend". Clyde said. "You've been distant this entire week, which is scarily enough, kinda normal for you now. I get it, really I do. But don't think you need to keep everyone at arm's length so you don't get hurt like you did with Lori". That made Lincoln tense up as he almost slammed on the brakes and told his friend to get out, but he kept his cool.
"I'm just saying, you keep pushing everyone away. All we want to do is help you, be there for you. But it's hard when you don't want to be there yourself". Clyde was trying to reach his friend, hoping that he could maybe knock some sense into him so he could get back to living life. "If you keep going as you are, and you don't actually try to fix things, then people are going to eventually stop trying themselves. Like with Stella, and then you'll just be by yourself...I don't want that for you. You're too good of a friend for me to let you just slip away". Clyde finished talking just as they were a couple minutes from the middle school.
Stopping at the last red light before his turn, Lincoln unlocked the passenger side door from his side. "Get out". Lincoln coldly said. "Lincoln I jus-"
"I said get the hell out Clyde!" Lincoln demanded again, this time looking his friend in the eyes. It was at that moment that Clyde could see his friend looked to be fighting back tears, and Clyde figured there was nothing else he could say to help and opened the door. Grabbing his backpack from the floor, Clyde offered some parting words before he left.
"I'm not giving up on you Lincoln, you're my friend and I'm not just going away". Clyde said before he shut the door and started walking towards his house.
The light turned green a moment after Clyde left and Lincoln breathed a heavy sigh before pushing his foot on the gas.
"Like with Stella...how could he bring that up. I-It wasn't even my fault, I just wasn't...ready and...ugh". Lincoln said to himself as he continued his drive towards the middle school. "I'm not pushing everyone away, I don't know what he's talking about. I've just...wanted to be alone more than usual is all. Is that so bad?" He asked to no one in particular. "People just need to stop worrying about me and let me do my thing. I'm fine". Lincoln said aloud, and he almost convinced himself it was true.
It was only another couple minutes before the Loud teen arrived at the middle school, still trying to calm himself down from his 'discussion' with Clyde. Finding a spot close to the front of the school, Lincoln patiently waited for his sisters to show up. Their school only got out a half hour after the high school so he'd have to wait a bit.
Pulling out his phone, Lincoln decided to scroll through his photos, finding one that gave him a moment to pause. It was a picture of him and Stella, the only one he hadn't deleted yet. Clyde's words echoed in his mind. "People are going to eventually stop trying themselves. Like with Stella…" Lincoln frowned, he wasn't the one at fault right?
Just because he didn't want to let her in, just because he didn't want to talk about all that hurt...It didn't make him the one in the wrong right?
As he stared down at that picture, Lincoln's mind wandered back to that day, the last day him and Stella were on speaking terms.
Two years ago
It was a quiet afternoon in the Loud House, nearly everyone was hanging out with someone or doing some activity outside, leaving only Lincoln and his girlfriend Stella home. The two were helping each other study for an upcoming math test, one which the Loud boy desperately needed help with. Luckily Stella was great when it came to the subject and offered to help him, and at the same time the extra practice would help her.
But unknown to Lincoln, Stella had other plans involved for the two than studying. After over half an hour of going through different equations and problems, Stella figured she'd start her plan.
"So Lincoln". She said to get his attention as he was still focused on his current equation. "I was thinking I had a better way for you to get some of these answers right, cause I still see you struggling a little bit". Lincoln set his pencil down on the paper and looked up at her. "Well I just don't understand why there have to be so many different equations, and which one to use and...ugh, math just sucks now hehe. So what did you have in mind?" Lincoln asked her with a raised brow.
"Well before I tell you, I want to see if you can get this next answer right, then I'll show you my method". Stella said.
Now wondering what that other method could be, Lincoln looked at the next problem on the sheet and began trying to figure it out. After a minute of showing his work and getting the answer, he showed it to Stella, who looked over it to make sure it was all right. "Good job, now I'll show you what happens when you get another one right". She said as Stella stood from the bed and slowly took off the coat she had.
"W-wait...are you really gonna?" Lincoln didn't even want to finish his question, his cheeks beginning to turn a light shade of pink. "Well try to get another question right and you can find out". Stella answered. Lincoln gulped before going back to his work, looking over the next problem. After a couple more minutes Lincoln figured he had the right answer and showed it to Stella, who smiled before her hands went to the hem of her shirt.
Lincoln was now blushing a deep shade of crimson as he watched Stella take her shirt off, her bra being the only thing between him and seeing her developing breasts. "Seems like my method is working so far". Stella joked as Lincoln looked up to meet her gaze and saw she was blushing as well.
Without waiting for her to say anything else, Lincoln got to work on the next question.
But unfortunately his streak had run out and Stella showed Lincoln he got the wrong answer. "Now it's your turn, anytime you get a question wrong you gotta strip". Stella informed him.
"O-Okay..." Lincoln breathed out between shaky breaths. Putting his pencil down, the teen reached for his shirt, pulling it up over his head. Stella wore a seductive smirk as she looked at her boyfriend's bare chest, sure there wasn't much muscle to speak of but that didn't mean Stella couldn't wait to run her hands along his body. Lincoln just meekly smiled in response as he noticed the look he was getting from Stella.
"Well don't stop now boy, you have more questions to get through...and only so much time before one of your sisters get home". Stella commanded. Nodding his head, Lincoln picked up the worksheet and pencil and looked over the next problem. Lincoln grinned, this one he knew the answer to without a doubt. Showing Stella once he was finished, The girl set the worksheet down before standing from the bed once more.
Lincoln patiently watched Stella as her hands went to the side of her skirt, finding the zipper and undoing it enough for her to slide them down her legs. Lincoln could feel his pants getting uncomfortable as he watched his girlfriend strip off more of her clothing. All the girl had left on were her bra and panties, and Lincoln just prayed none of his sisters decided to come home early.
Stella sat down on the bed, back in her position across from the Loud boy. "S-Stella...are you-are you going to go…all the way?" Lincoln timidly asked, and Stella couldn't help but laugh to herself at his shy but cute behavior after their months of being together. "Well we'll just see if you get another one right". She smirked. Lincoln took a deep breath as he tried to regain his composure and focus on the next problem, and not on his nearly naked girlfriend sitting across from him.
It had been three minutes and Lincoln seriously doubted he had the right answer, but he was also stumped and didn't know the right solution. Hoping what he did was right, Lincoln showed it to Stella, who looked at him with a devilish grin. "When we get done with all this I'll show you the right way to do the ones you've missed, but for now..." Her eyes drifted down towards his pants and Lincoln knew what was next. His cheeks practically burning from embarrassment.
Standing from his bed on shaky legs, Lincoln hesitantly brought his hands to the button on his jeans, undoing it before dragging down the zipper.
Stella smiled as she watched her boyfriend bend down and pull his jeans off, leaving him in nothing but his boxers. With a noticeable tent pitched in the front. "I can see that someone's enjoying themselves… I knew you'd like it". Stella seductively said with a giggle as she was eyeing Lincoln like a piece of meat.
"I can see that someone's enjoying themselves… I knew you'd like it". Those words echoed in Lincoln's mind, and it felt like someone else saying them. "N-N-no I don't". He could hear himself saying. Stella seemed to notice Lincoln was in some trance and snapped her fingers in front of his face, bringing him back from his thoughts. Blinking rapidly Lincoln looked around to see he was back in his room wit Stella. "Hey Lincoln y-you alright?" She worriedly asked him.
"Huh? O-Oh yeah...I'm fine. J-just kinda lost myself in the moment is all". Lincoln answered back. "You sure? You zoned out on me and it looked like you were distressed". Stella questioned further, concerned for Lincoln's well-being. "Y-yeah I'm good really. L-let's just get back to studying, I bet I'll get the next one right". Lincoln grinned as both of them knew what that meant. "Oh yeah? Well get to it then Lincoln...It's getting a little hot in here". Stella said.
Sitting down on the bed, and taking the moment to adjust himself, Lincoln picked up his pencil and got to work on the next problem.
After attempting it for over three minutes Lincoln knew he didn't have the next problem down like he thought he did and looked up to Stella, who was staring expectantly at him. Audibly gulping, Lincoln went back to work and looked over it again, but he couldn't for the life of him figure out where to start. Continuously coming up with dead ends. Swallowing his pride, Lincoln accepted defeat and told Stella he couldn't get it. "Well you know what that means..." She said as Stella eyed his boxers.
His hands shaking, Lincoln went to take them off, but Stella stopped him. "Wait, I wanna help you with that". She said as she gently placed a hand against his chest, pushing him back against the bed and straddling his waist, her movements sending all their papers to the floor. "St-Stella wait...I don't kn-" Lincoln began, only to be shushed by Stella pressing a finger to his lips.
"It's alright, just lay back and relax. Let me take care of everything". Stella quietly said as she leaned down and kissed Lincoln. But as their lips made contact, Lincoln was once again being brought back to that night. "It's alright, just lay back and relax. Let me take care of everything". That voice was in his head again, and he recognized it as his sister's this time. He was suddenly eleven years old again, in his room being violated by Lori.
Once Stella's hands found their way to his boxers, Lincoln snapped and threw her off him. Stella landed on her ass on the floor as Lincoln shouted "No!" His hands clutching the sides of his head.
"P-Please stop. N-No I don't..." Lincoln breathed out as he stared at his bed, his eyes out of focus as his mind was trapped in that night again.
"L-Lincoln. Linc!" Stella shouted as she got up from the floor and slowly made her way over to her boyfriend. "Lincoln it's okay, it's just you and me, no one else here". She gently said as she reached her hand out. "N-No...Stop". Lincoln said once again as his panicked mind continued to run wild. Once Stella touched him, Lincoln freaked out even more, smacking her hand away and backing up against the wall. "No!" He shouted again.
"Lincoln! Snap out of it!" Stella shouted as she slapped him across the face, appearing to have broke his trance. "W-What?..." Lincoln whispered as he started looking around, taking in his surroundings. "W-Where am...Oh". Lincoln began as he slowly realized what was happening. "Y-You freaked out on me, a-are you alright?" Stella asked as she slowly walked towards the bed.
Lincoln slightly flinched as she sat down on the mattress, albeit far from him. "I-I..." the Loud teen was still coming down from his attack and was trying to make sense of everything. "I-I'm sorry… I didn't mean- I'm sorry Lincoln". Stella said as she apprehensively looked at him.
After taking a few deep breaths, it seemed as though he was beginning to calm down and slowly, the white-haired boy let go of his legs and his posture relaxed. Looking over to his girlfriend, Lincoln could see the worried look in her eyes, Stella was scared and he didn't know if it was for him, or of him. He noticed that she was holding her hand, and now Lincoln was worried he hurt her in his panic attack.
"I-I'm sorry i-if I hurt you". Lincoln said as he turned his head away. "Y-You didn't...a-a-and I should be the one who's sorry. I-I didn't mean to...trigger an episode". Stella replied. "I-I think...I think you should go. I think I've studied enough". Lincoln told her. "N-No I think we should talk about what just happened. I know you don't wanna talk about that stuff with me but I know you're hurting and I just want to be here for you". Stella answered back. "It's best if you just leave, I'm fine really. But I just...want to be alone right now. Please, I-I'll call you later". Lincoln said and Stella could tell the boy was just about to break down. He didn't have to look at her for her to know he was crying now.
"B-But I want to stay...to h-"
"You've helped me enough, p-please just go". Lincoln said.
Stella knew there was no moving him in his decision and relented, knowing she wasn't going to get anything out of him now, not like this. Picking up her clothes, Stella dressed herself before grabbing her pack and worksheets, trying to decide if she should push any further. But Lincoln, not even wanting to look in her direction helped make her mind up and she walked out of his room and left for her house.
Lincoln just locked the door and cried into his pillow, feeling like everything was falling out from under him and it was all his fault.
Keeping his word, Lincoln called Stella later that night, and they argued over his inability to let her in and help with his issues. She swore to him that she just wanted to help, that she would be there for him, but Lincoln was undeterred and stood his ground. "These are my problems Stella, I don't want to drag anyone else into them". He told her.
"But half the time, even when you're with me...you aren't there. I feel like all the stuff you're hiding is just weighing down on you and it's like being in a relationship with a phantom. I-I know you're sister hurt you...and it's made you not open to letting anyone in. But a relationship is a two-way street Lincoln". Stella said.
Lincoln was just silent as he listened to Stella.
"You're a great guy Lincoln. Funny, dorkishly charming, and you care. B-But I can't be with someone who won't let me in and work with me. We're supposed to be in this together but I feel like I'm the only one putting in the effort. and it's been that way for months now". Stella said, sounding like she was ready to break into tears if she wasn't already. "I-I'm sorry, I just-I can't. I don't want to bring all my issues on you an-"
Stella cut him off as she spoke again. "Then maybe we should...take a break. Until you learn how to let people in and help you. You aren't alone Lincoln Loud, so stop acting like you are. It's not a weakness, it's a strength to ask for help". Stella told him. "P-please don't do this...I-I can try. I can get better, J-Juts please don't leave me". Lincoln begged. "Then tell me about today, talk to me about what it was like for you and let me in". Stella urged him.
"T-that's...you know what it was like. Why do I need to say anymore? Can't we just leave it and I'll promise to talk about the next time I have an issue?" Lincoln asked her.
"I'm sorry Lincoln. Take some t-time, get some help to work on these problems and maybe then...we can try this again. Goodnight Lincoln". Stella said. "Stella wait-" But the line went dead and Lincoln knew she hung up on him. With tears in his eyes, Lincoln clutched the phone in his hand and chucked it at the wall, the screen cracking as it fell to the ground.
Present Day
The bell to the middle school rang out and snapped Lincoln back from his trip down memory lane. Looking out to the entry of the school, Lincoln could see all the kids making their way out to either take the buses, be driven home, or walk home. Lincoln's eyes lingered as he watched some of the girls walking towards the other vehicles and buses. He absentmindedly stared at them as they passed by his car, and if anyone noticed, they'd call him a creep.
Lincoln shook his head when he realized he was looking a bit too long and pulled out his phone to text one of his sisters to see where they were at. A minute later and he got a text from Lucy saying she just met up with Lola and Lana and were heading to him now.
A few moments later and Lincoln could see his three sisters making their way to his car. Once all three had piled in, Lincoln greeted them and shifted the car out of park and backed out of the space he was in. "You girls have a good day at school?" He asked them as they all just shrugged. "Another boring day as usual" Lola answered back as she pulled out a pocket mirror and began checking her hair.
Lincoln began making his way to the elementary school, which was luckily only so far from the middle school.
Like before, Lincoln pulled into a parking space not too far away from the front entrance and waited for the kids to get out. "All right, I believe it's Lucy's turn to sit up front right?" Lincoln asked as he looked back at his three younger sisters. "That means Monday is mine!" Lana happily declared. "Be up there in a moment". Lucy stated as she opened the door and made her way to the passenger side, leaving the last spot in the back seat open for Lily.
Other than the sound of Lola and Lana arguing in the back, the car was silent, both Lincoln and Lucy were playing on their phones. Lincoln was merely distracting himself so his mind didn't think about what he was doing at the middle school before, and hopefully something he wouldn't repeat here.
"Something on your mind elder brother?" Lucy suddenly asked. "What the hell, is she psychic or something?" Lincoln though to himself. "No not really, just ready to get home and relax this weekend". Lincoln calmly replied. "Except for tomorrow correct?" Lucy asked. "Tomorrow? Oh...I mean. No I haven't really thought about it too much". Lincoln lied. It was at the forefront of his thoughts ever since he messaged Lori.
"Well don't worry, we won't be interfering at all. I know this is something you can and are going to do on your own. I believe you'll be fine". Lucy stated. "Well thanks Luce, I'm glad you believe in me". Lincoln said. "Even if I can't believe in myself".
A few moments later and the bell rang, letting all the students head home for the weekend.
Lily soon found her way over to her brother's car and hoped she could keep the secret that she was going to be following him on Saturday. "Hey Lilybug!" Lincoln greeted her as she entered the vehicle. "You have a good day at school?" He asked her. "Y-Yeah, the day kinda flew by". She said. "Got some cool new drawings done in art class today too".
"Oh yeah? I'd love to see them when we get home". Lincoln replied. Lily was one of the few things in this world that could bring a genuine smile to his face nowadays, and Lincoln was always happy when she was happy.
Lincoln backed out of his parking spot and headed for their home, ready to just go to his room and not think about or deal with anything till the next day.
Once everyone was home, Lincoln spent some time with Lily as he went over her drawings from the day. "Dang Lily, You're getting really good. Maybe you'll follow in my footsteps and try to make a career out of it". Lincoln said as he looked over each drawing. "You really think so? Maybe even get awards like you have?" She asked as Lily pointed at the trophy case.
Lincoln looked over to the case and stared at his two trophies he won, both in art competitions. He still hadn't got anything for first place yet but he was getting there. And he planned on becoming an artist for comics or graphic novels once he got out of high school. "I know so. You got talent here". He complimented. Earning a toothy smile from his littlest sister.
After spending an hour drawing with Lily and giving her some pointers, Lincoln retreated to his room till dinner. His mind wandered back to the way he felt at the middle school and he immediately feared the worst. But maybe he was freaking out, he surely couldn't be…
Booting up his computer, Lincoln pulled up discord to have a small chat with someone.
"Hey Richard, You got a minute?" Lincoln messaged the man, hoping he'd be able to help him sort this out. A minute later and the man replied. "Yeah, what's up dude?" Richard asked.
"I was just wanting to ask, how did you know that you were...into people who were...younger?" Lincoln asked, hoping the guy would have a clear answer for him. "Well it was kind of a gradual realization for me. Thinking back on certain moments, then realizing that my gaze had been lingering more than it should, it was kind of a build up that came to a head around when I was sixteen". Richard answered. "Why? Do you think that you might be feeling like that now?" The man asked.
"I...I don't know. I was kind of...staring at some girls when I was picking up my sisters. I didn't think too much about it but I'm scared that I might be...developing feelings like you". Lincoln said. "Well it could just be Pocd so don't freak out just yet. You probably just have a lot of mixed up feelings and don't really know what's what so just calm down and really think this over".
"Kids! I'm home". Lincoln heard his father call our from the front door. Knowing that it''d be dinner soon, Lincoln opted to try and figure this out after his meeting with Lori, where things might end up being a little more clearer for him. "Just one problem at a time". Lincoln quietly said to himself. "Okay, well I gotta go. I might try talking about this more tomorrow so just keep your schedule open please". Lincoln typed back to the man.
"I'm not a therapist Lincoln, but I also don't really got too much else going on so yeah I'll be able to talk tomorrow lol". Richard answered back. "Thank you, goodbye". Lincoln said. "Adios". Richard typed back.
An hour after Lynn returned home it was time for dinner with Lincoln really not wanting to be around his family, and not even feeling like eating either. His earlier discussion with his acquaintance on discord giving him cause for worry. The boy asked if he could have his dinner in his room, and after some serious consideration between his parents, they allowed it.
They checked in after dinner to make sure everything was okay and Lincoln assured them it was, he was just feeling a little off and wanted some time to himself. It was half past ten when Lincoln hit the bed and tried to fall asleep, if his jumbled nerves would let him that is. "Why can't I seem to let any of this go?" Lincoln whispered to himself as he laid there.
Sorry if the chapter is a bit small, I was torn between including Lincoln's meeting with Lori or not but felt it was best if it was it's own chapter. I hope you guys and gals enjoyed the chapter and I should have the next one up within a month or so. Until next time, see you guys and gals later, stay safe.
