Hello dear readers! I hope you all are doing well and staying safe. I bring you the next chapter in the story. Now that Lincoln's got himself in a car wreck, maybe he'll think about changing how he's going to do things...or maybe not. Let's read on to find out.
And also, a quick thank you to all who have reviewed/commented on here or left a fav or follow. Appreciate your support.
Torn Inside
Lincoln Loud opened his eyes, seeing nothing but the empty black surrounding him. Looking around in all directions, the teen saw that he was alone, just him and the void of darkness. "W-Wha...H-Hello! Is anyone there?" Lincoln called out, hoping to hear a familiar voice, hell any voice answer back.
After a minute of nothing, Lincoln called out again, but heard nothing but the echo of his own voice. Holding his head in his hands, Lincoln was worried about what was going on, was he dead?
"No, not really" He heard a voice answer the question he didn't even ask aloud. "What? W-Who's there?" Lincoln asked as he frantically looked around for a sign of anybody. A pair of eyes stared back at him from the darkness, no form behind them save for the mouth underneath. "Oh just little old me". The presence answered back.
"W-Who are you?" Lincoln asked again. "Just a part of your conscience is all". The voice answered, now using the teen's own voice. "My conscience? W-What the hell is going on?" Lincoln angrily demanded, wanting answers to his questions.
"Oh you don't remember? Here let me help with that". Lincoln's conscience said before finally taking form. The teen felt like he was looking in a mirror, albeit with some thing different staring back at him.
"W-Why are you all bandaged up? A-and your arm in a sling, and that cast? What happened?" Lincoln asked himself as he looked at the injured version of him.
"Oh we got into a little accident you see, mom did warn us not to drive if things got a little...crazy for us". His memory was starting to come back to him now, Lincoln remembered how he blew up at Lori, and then how freaked he got once he noticed Lisa and Lily had seen and heard everything. Then in his anger and fear, Lincoln was driving, no destination in mind.
"Then that car hit me...wait s-so I'm not dead?" Lincoln asked himself. "No, just in the hospital, not sure how long we've been out for now but it's almost time for you to get up". His conscience answered back.
"And in case you're wondering why you haven't just woken up already...well for one that car did a number on you, and two, we need to talk". Lincoln's conscience told him.
"T-Talk about what?" Lincoln asked back. "Just talk, since you seem to be ignoring nearly everything going on with you and acting like nothing's wrong. So let's start taking these problems one by one. First, What happened with Lori? Why'd you flip out like that?"
"I-I don't know, she said something that reminded me of that night...then all that pain just came crashing back and I lashed out. S-she thinks that everything can be fixed with some words...but it's not that easy". Lincoln answered. "Well you haven't really given her that much of a chance to try. Each time you've met has been what? Ten, fifteen minutes or less at best?"
"Do you want to forgive her?" It asked him. "I-I do...at least, part of me does. But the other part just can't get past what she did to me, I can't move past that night and it's hard to trust that she won't just hurt me again". Lincoln told himself. "Have you even thought about what prison was like for her?"
"I...no. I-I haven't asked her..." Lincoln said. "Well then maybe you should think about how much atonement she might have already done while incarcerated".
"I know it's been hard to let anyone in because of what Lori did, but you really need to start. It's not a weakness to ask for help you know?" Before Lincoln could offer a reply, he saw a bright light shine in front of him. He threw his hands up to cover his face from the blinding light and a moment later and he slowly woke up.
As his eyes slowly fluttered open, Lincoln could hear the faint beeping sounds of a heart monitor, and could see the plain white ceiling tiles above him. Groaning in mild pain, Lincoln's eyes adjusted to the light and he stated taking in his surroundings.
To his left, the teen saw a curtain half drawn, covering that side of the room, and when he tried to turn his head, he was met with a stiff pain in his neck. Hissing at the sensation, Lincoln tried to move his arm to rub his aching neck but found he couldn't move it. Turning his head enough to see, Lincoln noticed his right arm was hanging up in a sling, with a cast wrapped around his forearm.
As he looked at his fractured arm, Lincoln noticed his mother sitting in the chair, sleeping.
"Oh geez, how long has she been here?...how long have I?" Lincoln thought to himself as he stared at her. The white-haired middle child rested his head back on the pillow, staring blankly up at the ceiling.
Lincoln wanted nothing more than to lay in the bed and not acknowledge the outside world, act like he was still sleeping. But his yawning mother next to him made sure that wouldn't happen as she started waking up and noticed her son stirring in the bed.
"L-Lincoln? Baby you up?" Rita asked as she got up from her seat and approached Lincoln's bed. "Hey mom". Was all Lincoln groaned out as he laid there in bed. "Oh thank god, L-let me go get the doctor honey. I'll be right back". Rita said and Lincoln was sure that she was about to burst into tears.
And part of him was feeling guilty that he was the cause of those tears.
A moment later and Rita returned with the doctor in tow, the man had the name of Fineman on his tag. "Hello Lincoln, You've been out for about three days now. Can you tell me what you remember?" The doctor asked as he pulled out a small light to check Lincoln's eyes.
"W-Well I remember the accident if that's what you mean. I was driving and then was going past a red light when some other car hit me". Lincoln told the man as he squinted at the bright light shining in his eyes.
"So as you may have noticed, the accident did a number on you. Your left leg was fractured in several places and is currently in a cast. Don't worry the right one just got away with a couple mild bruises here and there". The doctor started explaining and Lincoln listened attentively as he continued. "Your right arm was fractured at the wrist as well, and other than that it was just a few cracked ribs and some cuts and bruises over parts of your torso and other arm". The doctor said as he finished his explanation.
"W-What about my neck?" Lincoln asked. "It it in pain right now?" the doctor replied as he gently pressed at the skin on the teen's neck. "Only when I try to move it certain ways". Lincoln answered. "Well it could just be some soreness from the accident, I can run additional x-rays just to be safe though".
"Now I'm sure you're hungry, I'll have one of the nurses get you something and leave you in the capable hands of your mother now". Dr. Fineman said as he wrote down a few more notes on his clipboard and walked out into the hall.
"Oh Lincoln, I'm so glad you're alright. You had us all worried sick". Rita said as she went to her son's side, moving the chair closer to sit next to him. "H-How long have you been waiting here mom?" Lincoln asked her. "I've been staying overnight since you got here, I've went home a few times while your father waited here". She told him.
"You didn't need to do that mom. I was just asleep and you should have been doing the same at home". Lincoln said.
"Oh it was no trouble at all honey. Your sisters came by for a couple visits too. D-Do you want me to call and have them come over now?" She asked. "Y-Yeah sure. I bet they've been worried and wanting to see me". Lincoln said, but Rita could tell that she annoyed her son with the question.
"But is that what you really want sweetie?" She asked again. Lincoln bowed his head as he thought about it. He really just wanted to be alone with his thoughts but he didn't know if he could just tell his mom to buzz off after she worried so much. "I-Actually mom...d-do you think I could be alone for a little bit? I-I have some stuff I need to think about". Lincoln asked her.
"O-Of course honey. I'll just go out and call your father and some of your older sisters. Let them know you're alright". She said as she squeezed his hand and gave him a kiss on the forehead. "I love you Lincoln, j-just relax okay". She said before getting up and leaving the room.
As he sat there alone, Lincoln thought back to his meeting with Lori, and how quick he was prone to lash out at her. He did want to forgive her right? Then why was he so ready to chew her out when all she was trying to do was help?
Lincoln's main wish since the night Lori attacked him was that things could just go back to how they used to be. When his family was all together, he was still a happy kid...and he didn't have so many damn issues clouding his mind. But he knew it was all just wishful thinking. It was all different now, and Lincoln needed to face that it was never going to change.
But to face that, would mean he really needed to think about what Lori meant to him now, and if he wanted her to be part of his life anymore.
Lincoln loved all his sisters, and to an extent he still loved Lori despite her actions, but if she wasn't his sister...would Lincoln even be able to talk to her? That's the only reason he's even been in contact with her, cause she was his sister and he hoped she could be so again even after everything.
But how long was it going to take? How many talks and how many apologies before he would let her back in? Lincoln just wanted to move past this one problem so he might be able to figure out his other issues, but the leading cause for all these issues was a hard one to move past and Lincoln was starting to doubt he could do it on his own anymore.
But to bring someone else in on his problems? He didn't want to put his family through that, nor did he want to shell out more money for another therapist when it barely even did anything last time.
Maybe medication was all he needed, and Lincoln figured he'd talk to the doctor about it before he left the hospital. But once all was said and done, where would that leave him? What kind of man would he be once he overcame or got rid of these issues? and was it even possible to so?
These were the questions Lincoln had been avoiding and now that he's stopped to think about it all, the teen realized there was a lot more to his problems than he initially thought.
The pain in Lincoln's neck and leg stopped his train of thought, and the boy looked around for a button to push for a nurse or something. After a few moments the door opened and an orderly stepped in. Lincoln started to talk as he turned his head to the newcomer. "H-Hey, I'm having some pain in my-Oh it's you". Lincoln said as he noticed it was Mrs. Santiago who walked into the room.
"Hello Lincoln, what's wrong?" Maria asked as she stood by his bed, checking his chart and vitals. "T-There's some pain in my neck and leg. I was wondering if I could have any pain relievers or something for them?" Lincoln asked.
Looking over the chart to make sure it was alright, Maria nodded, telling the teen that she'd get him some medications soon.
"Thanks...Um, I'm guessing Bobby told you I was here?" Lincoln asked her. "No, I was one of the people who worked on you when you came in from the accident. I was scared with how bad you looked. But you've recovered pretty quickly, so I guess it all just looked worse than it was". Maria told him with a smile.
"Now I'm going to go get those meds for you, you just lay there and relax. Here's the remote if you want to watch some television". She said as she handed him the TV remote. "Thank you Mrs. Santiago". Lincoln said as he rested his head back against the pillow.
"I guess my issues are causing more problems than I'd like to admit. Hopefully I can make some progress in fixing things soon". Lincoln though to himself. "They call me the man with a plan...yet I can't think of a damn thing to do right now". Lincoln dryly chuckled to himself.
After taking some drugs for the pain, Lincoln just laid back in bed and watched tv until his mom came back in the room. "Hey sweetie, Um the girls were asking if it was alright if they could come and visit you? There's only so many hours left for visitors today so I was just wondering if you might want them to come for a little bit and then you can be alone when we all have to leave?" Rita asked him as she muted the phone in her hand. Nodding his head, Lincoln said that whoever wants to show up can come over.
Lynn Sr. drove the younger kids to the hospital while Luna and Sam met them there. Leni and Luan were too busy with work to come today but promised they'd show up tomorrow.
Twenty minutes After Rita's initial call, the Loud kids and Lynn Sr. showed up to the hospital, with Luna and Sam showing up a few minutes after. All of them crowded around Lincoln's bedside and kept asking whether he was alright or not. Rita and Lynn had to pull their children back to give the boy some space to breathe.
Lynn Jr. was tempted to bad mouth Lori in front of everyone but her father had forbid her from doing so given Lincoln's current state and what landed him in the hospital in the first place. The girl hated that she wasn't there to prevent this, she knew Lori couldn't be trusted to be around their brother anymore and yet she just sat back and let her two youngest sisters handle it, fat lot of good that did.
Lynn was going to make sure that Lori never got close to her brother without her being around again.
As it got later and visiting hours were coming to a close, Lisa wanted a private moment to talk with her brother and although hesitant at first, the parents let them have their privacy.
Lincoln was a little worried over what his genius little sister was going to discuss with him. He was sure that Lisa heard him in that restaurant and that was bad. He wasn't even sure of what this was yet himself and now his sister knew about it too.
"So Lincoln, I first wanted to apologize that Lily and me snuck into your meeting with Lori and Bobby, I was against it. And second, I...I heard what you said to our eldest sister. A-And I want to help". Lisa said as she stood next to his bed and looked him in the eyes. "Y-you haven't told anyone yet right? A-And Lily didn't understand what it meant?" Lincoln worriedly asked her.
The scientist shook her head. "No I haven't informed anyone else and our youngest sibling has no idea what you were talking about. But Lori did. A-And I could see the remorse in her eyes". Lisa told him.
"You talked to her?" Lincoln asked. "Correct, I hadn't got the chance to yet and felt like she needed someone to talk to. Lily also made contact and we all discussed things until we found out about your...accident". Lisa answered. "Now...How sure are you that you're...like our eldest sister or her former boyfriend?" Lisa asked him.
Lincoln stared up to the ceiling in thought as he really worked it over in his mind. "N-Not one hundred percent sure...But...I-I don't know Lisa. I was noticing younger girls at the middle school when picking up Lucy and the twins and I don't know how to feel about it". Lincoln replied.
"I-I felt...attracted to them and I'm not sure if that...makes me a...a pedophile or not". Lincoln added. "Well brother I am going to make sure we figure it out. Together. And I will not tell anyone anything unless you give me consent to". Lisa told him.
"T-Thanks Lis but I don-...A-Actually, yeah. I'd like your help in figuring this out". Lincoln told her as he realized he needed someone, anyone on his side in all this. "Can I just say that I am glad you are requesting help from someone again'. Lisa said with a smile. "Now when you are discharged, we can talk more in depth about all this and I will help however I can". Lisa said and reached over to give her brother a hug.
Lincoln gladly returned it and Lisa bid him farewell as she left the room to join the rest of their family.
Rita walked back in and asked if her son wanted herself or his father to stay, to which he replied with a no. "I think you should go home and get some proper sleep mom. I'll be fine, really".
"Well okay honey. D-Don't hesitate to call me if you need anything". Rita said as she pointed to his phone on the side table. "Surprised that thing didn't get busted in the crash". Lincoln thought as he looked at the device.
After his mother left with the rest of the Louds, Lincoln grabbed his phone and powered it on. There were more than a few messages and calls from his family and friends. Some on the day of the crash and a few more in the days since.
But there was one message that caught his eye the most, it was from Lori.
Hey...I know you're probably still out cold, but I'm just hoping that you're still doing okay. I-I'm sorry for things getting so...out of control at the restaurant. I know now just how much I screwed things up and I want to tell you from the bottom of my heart that I am so sorry. I am so damn sorry Lincoln. I...I don't deserve your forgiveness, and at this point...all I want, all I ask for...is for you to at least let me be in your life still. I'm sorry I wasn't a better sister, but know that I love you and I hope things get better in case we never see each other again.
Lincoln sighed heavily as his arm went limp and dropped the phone on the bed. He knew that deep down, his old sister was still in there. But it was hard for him to see anything but the devil's eyes staring back at him whenever she looked his way now. "Of course I want to forgive her…to try and move forward...But it's so damn hard!" Lincoln thought to himself as he slammed his fist against the mattress.
"I know that to move forward...I-I need to let people in again. B-But it's hard to be vulnerable like that after someone I trusted so much betrayed me in the worst way. To tear down these walls I've built up...I'd be leaving myself open for even more heartache and I just..." Lincoln stopped talking to himself. Hearing how small and scared his voice was terrified him.
In some ways he was still that scared eleven year-old boy from six years ago. Scared that any of his sisters could turn out like Lori, that any of his friends could betray him at a moment's notice.
And that's why he was pushing them all away...So that he didn't risk getting hurt again.
But it had to stop. Or else he'd never get better.
Wiping his eyes, Lincoln found a new determination to do better. To be better. It started today with Lisa and now he was going to work on himself to get back some semblance of the happy child he used to be. Lincoln knew that ultimately...therapy was going to be the biggest help in facing all this, and grabbed his phone to give someone a call.
"Um Dr. Lopez? H-Hi it's Lincoln Loud...Yes things are going...no they aren't really going alright. B-But I was thinking that...maybe you could help me with that?"
Well it looks like Lincoln is going to finally let others in to help with his problems. But will he ever forgive Lori for what she's done? Or will he cut off all contact from the girl who did him wrong? Only time will tell as we dig deeper in Repairing a Bond.
I hope you all enjoyed the chapter and That you all stay safe out there. Until next time, see you guys and gals later.
