Based on a Tumblr prompt from the lovely audreyslove (have you read her stuff yet? It's GLORIOUS!).
Prompt: Robin and Regina go through the anniversary of Daniel's death for the first time as a couple.
The anniversary of Daniel's death is always the worst day of the year for her, closely followed by their wedding anniversary a couple months later. There's been two of each now, and she's just reached the third set, only this time, it's not grief that eats at her, but guilt. Guilt that she's moved on, guilt that she's found happiness again.
Guilt that she has Robin.
It's been three years since her husband's death, and a few months since she and Robin first started exploring the attraction between them. Logically she knows that she shouldn't feel bad for it, that Daniel would want her to be happy. But logic and soul are too different things, and her soul is plagued with dread, with the horrible feeling that she's cheating on her husband.
She pushes Robin away that week, snaps at him and drives him out of her office with bitter remarks and a nasty bite to her every word. She can see the vein on his forehead straining, knows she's pushing his buttons way too much, but in the moment, she doesn't really care.
When the day arrives, she leaves the mansion just after dawn, sneaks out to her Mercedes and drives off without an escort. Her staff is smart, but she knows who to talk to if she needs a few minutes to escape. It's not something she does often, but today, it is sorely needed.
She buys roses. White, like the ones he used to leave on her desk in the morning sometimes, just because he felt like it. It's a tradition of hers now, to bring him those exact flowers and discuss her life with him for the past year. To tell him what she's done, how she's felt. Daniel was her best friend before Roland came along, and she still has the need to just talk to him, to listen to his laugh as she tells him stories. To discuss her successes and grievances with him the way she used to.
It hurts. She suspects it always will. But today it's not just the pain of loss that she's been feeling these past years. It's also the air of betrayal she carries, the dreaded weight of having to tell your husband you've fallen in love with someone else.
"Hi, Daniel," she says as she sets the roses in front of his tombstone, sitting down on the grass. It's wet, and she can almost hear her mother saying it will stain her very pristine, very expensive outfit.
Regina couldn't care less.
She sighs then, readies herself to speak, the words tumbling out of her after minutes of careful consideration.
"This year's been slightly less miserable. Roland can say my name now! None of that horrid 'Gina' business anymore. He's grown up so much, Daniel. He's beautiful. And he likes to cook. Or at least, he likes to help me when I do. I don't know if it's because he truly enjoys it or because I let him eat chocolate chips while we bake cookies, but it's the best part of my week."
She stops for a second, taking a few deep breaths before she continues.
"Work has been hectic, as usual, but I love it. You already knew that, of course, but I felt it needed saying. We, um, we added some new ordinances to help our criminal justice system, and they've worked out so well. I also started a new agency of sorts, to rescue and care for homeless animals. I thought you'd like that."
She thinks she hears a car approaching, but doesn't really pay much attention to it. Her team would probably tell her to stand, so that the public doesn't see her as weak and sad. But it's Daniel, and it's her, and Regina has no intention of putting on the Governor facade while she's doing this.
"Now we have rescue centers all over the state," she continues, "and we find loving homes for abandoned and mistreated animals. Your old boss at the vet clinic even agreed to do consultations for free. I named him head of the project though, so don't worry, he'll be getting paid anyway. I know how much you looked up to him, so I figured this would be a good way to thank him for everything he did for you. We talked about you over lunch the other day, he was very fond of you, and very proud."
She laughs, pauses, then speaks again.
"They've been talking to me about running for President in the next elections. I... I think I want to do it, Daniel. I know it'll be crazy, but I feel like the time is right, don't you? I wish you could be here to see it. And to talk me down from the ledge. I'm sure I'll become insufferable once the process starts, and there's so much I haven't considered yet, so I'll keep you updated on that. So far, though, I'm leaning towards running. I think I could do a lot for this country if I'm given the opportunity."
She sighs again, wringing her hands together as she tries to find a good way to say what she should've said the second she arrived.
"I miss you. I miss us. I think there won't ever be a time when I don't. But I wanted to tell you that I..." she trails off, a sob breaking out of her as she surrenders to the guilt, "I... I didn't mean for it to happen, Daniel, I really didn't. But Robin, he... he cares, and I... I love him. I'm sorry."
She breaks down then, tears rolling nonstop down her cheeks as she tries to explain herself, feeling worse by the second.
"I don't know why I'm having such a hard time with this. You told me before you left, you told me to be happy, to love again, and now I do and I can't... I can't say it. I can't tell him how I feel because it hurts me to think about it, it hurts to think that once it's out there, once it's real, I could lose him like... like I lost you."
There are sobs wracking her, hot tears streaming down her cheeks as she rocks herself back and forth, trying to find solace that never comes. She wants to feel Daniel's arms wrapping around her, wants to hear him say it's alright, but it isn't Daniel who does it now, it's Robin.
She's startled by the touch, turns around to find him there, crouching before her with a kind smile. His eyes full of nothing but concern and devotion as they stare at her.
"Regina," he says, and she knows he's about to say more, about to use that wonderful voice and that beautiful accent of his to tell her everything's going to be fine, but she doesn't let him.
Instead, she launches herself at him, winds her arms tightly around his neck and just hugs him, apologizing through choked whispers in his ear and letting him rock her back and forth, back and forth. His hand then runs up and down her back as he tells her she has nothing to apologize for.
"I knew this would be a hard time for you. I just didn't know how to help."
"I'm sorry," she says again, "I didn't want you to think that I regret this. Us. Because I don't. Not at all. But... he was my husband, Robin. And this whole week I've been feeling like I... like I betrayed him somehow."
"You didn't," he tells her, pulling back to look at her face, his hand cupping her cheek, thumb rubbing gently over the apple of it, wiping tears away in the process. "It's okay to want happiness again, Regina. Daniel wouldn't have wanted you to be miserable."
"I know," she says with a sigh, "I just... I-"
"I know," Robin interrupts, a small grin tipping up the corners of his lips. "It's alright. We'll be alright."
There's no one around. No one knows she's here, after all, so the local press probably won't show up until way later in the day, hoping she'll appear and they can get a picture. Regina is glad she's fooling them for once.
"I miss him, too, you know," Robin says as he sits beside her. His arm is wrapped around her, pressing her side against his, her head resting on his shoulder as his free hand holds on to hers over her knee. "He was the first friend I ever made here."
"I'm sorry," she says yet again, raising her head to look at him. "I was so trapped in my own head, I didn't even stop to think this would be a hard day for you, too."
"I told you, it's alright."
"Do you think he would approve? Of us, I mean." She hadn't had the courage to ask before, dreading the answer, but Robin only grips her tighter, kisses the top of her head and leans his cheek there as he replies.
"I think he would approve of anything that made you happy. He loved you more than anything."
She smiles tearfully at that. "He did, didn't he?"
"As you loved him," Robin continues, and for a moment she feels guilty again, but for Robin this time. She knows she shouldn't, but the feeling is there, because they're talking about her having loved another man, and she doesn't want Robin to thi—
"Stop thinking," he says then, and it's scary how he knows her. Scary, but comforting at the same time.
"He was your husband," Robin continues, "and you loved each other. I saw it all the time, in both of you. You're not neglecting me by acknowledging that, Regina. We're here now, and this is true, but so was your marriage, and I would never want to take away from that."
"Thank you," she breathes. "For understanding."
They spend a long time there, sharing anecdotes. Robin tells her of the times he and Daniel would sneak a beer or two while she made dinner, tells her of their chess matches and their games with Roland at the clinic. How Daniel would try to teach him how to clean the wounded animals and check them over, but Roland was too busy petting them and playing with them to pay attention.
She realizes they'd never talked about Daniel before, not like this, and it's a comfort to see her husband through Robin's eyes, to see the genuine brotherly affection they had for one another.
The guilt starts to ebb away with every story, and by the time the sun is up right above them, drying the drops of morning dew still clinging to the grass beneath them, her heart feels lighter, her emotions more at ease, and it's Robin's hand on her lower back that grounds her, that brings her comfort as she kisses the tips of her fingers and then presses them to the marble headstone before her.
"I'll see you soon, okay?" she whispers to empty air, hoping that somewhere, somehow, Daniel can hear her, that he's smiling, that he's proud of her.
He is her past. A past she's fond of, a past she would choose over and over again despite the moments of loss and pain it brought her. A past where she was happy, and safe, and loved.
But as the sun shines down on her, as her present grabs her hand and flashes her that set of dimples that melt her, looks at her with those gorgeous blue eyes of his, Regina finds that she's ready for the future.
Ready to prove to herself and everyone else what she's capable of.
