I own nothing. Least of all this.

1:7

Where was I?

Oh yes, hurtling through the Void.

What an apt metaphor for my life.

I should have remembered. The Doctor had become part of his own reality again. Things like that don't just happen quietly. An enormous amount of energy had been released. Rather violently, in fact. And I, being the idiot I am, had forgotten about the backwash.

So now, here I was hurtling through the Void. Oh wait, I mentioned that already. Did I mention the TARDIS was on fire?

No, no, I'm pretty sure I didn't.

The TARDIS was on fire.

There, I mentioned it.

And it was taking every scrap of memory I had to keep Her from not being more on fire, while simultaneously not causing the exact same thing the TARDIS had just recently done: namely, exploding.

At least my new outfit wasn't burning. Yet. Given time, and the chance, I'm sure it would. And I couldn't have that. Not after all the trouble I'd gone through getting it.

First, the sprinklers. Did the TARDIS even have sprinklers?

Clang.

Well, it did now.

That's the fire sorted.

Now, the exploding.

Where was that hammer that 10 used to..

Got it!

Clank.

"Come on! I'm trying really hard here!"

A loud *SCREEEEEE* echoed through the room, clearly indicating the TARDIS thought I ought to try harder.

"Fine then!"

Clank, clank, clank!

Flip that lever, pull that switch, push that button…

Splort.

Not that button. That was ketchup.

THAT button.

Ding!

There. We were slowing down. That was good. I mean, stopping would be bad, but going slow was still better than exploding.

Thank Gallifrey for a Time Lord memory and enough episodes to get a rough idea of just exactly how to fly the most powerful space-time machine in the universe.

Ah. But that was the thing, wasn't it. She wasn't IN the universe anymore.

There was nothing but…. Empty, all around Her. No up, no down, no left, no right, no B, no A,..

Just... nothing.

But we were still moving.

And I really didn't want to think about what would happen when we inevitably hit something.

How was I so sure we would? Hit something, that is. Two words: my luck. Coincidences may not exist, but luck for sure did. Either that, or all that talk I had spouted earlier about angels and demons had hit a little too close to home, and this was gonna turn out to be their idea of retribution.

This is normally where I would have made a "I just cleaned up this mess!" joke, but there wasn't a mess made that the Old Girl couldn't take care of. The fact She hadn't fallen apart yet due to the Doctor's shenanigans was proof of that. The mess was, thankfully, cleaned up again in less than a minute. The Time Lords may have had terrible fashion sense, but they were brilliant engineers.

"Right. Sorry about all that. I'm still new to this whole business. In fact, I expect to collapse into gibbering wreck as soon as the past day catches up with me. Still, I fully intend to do better next time. Which reminds me… You wouldn't happen to have a spare manual handy, would you?"

I think the appropriate description of the TARDIS' response would be "gobsmacked". The lights in the room cycled through colors so fast, you would have thought the Fae had invaded. Every single doo-dad on the console was just twirling and dinging away, in absolute lack of harmony. After about a minute, I cleared my throat. "You okay, Old Girl?"

The answer was, apparently, yes, judging by the amount of manuals I was promptly buried in, followed by the happiest *Tu-WHEEEE!* I think I've ever heard something make.

I sighed, and crawled out from under the pile. I picked up a manual, and blew the dust off the cover. "VOLUME I OF XLIX", it quite clearly stated. "AARNET To ACTUATORS".

Hoo boy. This was gonna take awhile.

"Bollocks."