Chapter 12
One of the students
After she rejected me, Maura stopped calling me. We didn't talk like we used to in the past and I haven't heard of her since then. There were no more of our conversations, our small talks. Everything was gone. At school I could still see her because I just had to - I had no choice, but it was different. Everything has changed. I had to act cold around her and look nonchalant about it. I didn't want to look upset or vulnerable. I pretended everything was fine and I've moved on.
The first few days were the hardest. I had to see Maura at school and it was killing me. It was just awful. The most painful thing in the whole world. Knowing that I can't have her, that she rejected me so harshly. At least at the beginning - when I met her and I liked her instantly, I had hope. Now I had nothing. We didn't talk with her - there was nothing to talk about anymore. She didn't even make attempt to talk to me or explain. I still had feelings for her - I just couldn't forget her, after all I had to see her almost every day! I couldn't help but think about her. I could still remember her rejection pretty vividly and every time I saw her in the classroom, I pictured it over and over again in my head. It was constantly eating me. The way I embarrassed myself in front of her, her explanation that she mislead me, her words that our kiss and what happened between us was just a mistake - it was always on my mind, bugging me. It was such a torture.
It was really hard for me but I was getting used of the situation. I had no choice. It's been two weeks since the rejection. Today I needed to be focused on the subject because we had an exam. Biology wasn't my favorite subject but I had studied really hard. I tried to put my mind off everything that happened by studying really hard for school. At every subject that we had. Whenever I caught myself thinking about Maura, I would take a textbook and start studying just to avoid thinking about it and escape out my thoughts. It was my way to stop thinking about her.
At the end of our class I had to leave my exam sheet on the teacher's desk. I was the last one to go there but I just left my sheet on her desk, not wanting even to look at Maura. I just couldn't. I was avoiding her ever since she refused to go out with me on a date, rejecting me so harshly. I was still hurt and a bit mad at her.
"Jane, wait," she called suddenly and I stopped at her desk, looking at her. It was the first thing she said to me since then and I was so surprised.
"What is it, Miss Isles?" I asked sternly, saying her name as coldly as I could.
"Why won't you talk to me?"
"I am sorry, Miss Isles, but I don't have any questions about the subject. Can I go now?" I asked as I looked around, feeling annoyed at her. I tried my best to hide my anger though it was really hard.
"Jane, don't be like that," she pleaded, looking at me as I have done something wrong. "Look, I was just trying to give you some space and time to-"
"Space and time? Great! I should get them together and make a continuum."
"To think about the situation," she continued, ignoring my sarcastic comment. "But I think that we can still talk to each other. We can still be close... and even be friends."
"Why? So you can reject me one more time?"
"You're not being fair to me. You know that nothing can happen between us, Jane. You're just one of my students. And I just can't do that."
"Just one of your students?" I repeated, feeling really offended by her statement. "Wow! Thanks a lot. It's so sweet of you to say it," I said, sarcasm and bitterness reeling from my tone but I just couldn't help it. I couldn't act nonchalant and stay calm after her words that hurt me so bad.
"I didn't mean it like that. I am sorry," she apologized but I quickly turned to leave the room. "Jane, you don't have to go. Please, come back here!"
"I have classes," I muttered on my way out.
For her I was just one of her students. That stings! I was so mad at her. Just furious. Furious about her rejection, furious for her hurtful words. How could she say such thing to me after everything that happened between us?! Being just one of the students sucks!
